It Was a Very Bad Year

THIRTY-NINE

They dragged me further into the alley. I struggled but they were two big guys — almost as big as Jerry — and they had a tight hold on me.

Finally, they released me, tossing me against a brick wall. I bounced, but managed to avoid any serious damage — for the time being.

‘What the hell!’ I said, straightening my jacket. ‘What is this, a hold-up?’

‘Yeah, a hold-up,’ one of them said, pointing to the other one, ‘he’s gonna hold you up while I beat you senseless.’

‘What’s the point?’ I asked. ‘Come on, guys. Is this about the kidnapping?’

The other one played dumb and asked, ‘What kidnapping?’

‘We don’t know what the fuck you’re talkin’ about,’ the first one said. ‘This is a message.’

‘So spill it.’

‘Ya shouldn’t oughtta mess with somebody’s business,’ he told me. ‘It ain’t healthy.’

‘OK fine,’ I said, ‘message received. I won’t mess with anybody’s business. Thanks a lot for making me aware. .’

The two apes exchanged blank looks, then the first one said, ‘Huh-uh, that ain’t no good, mister. We gotta hurt ya.’

‘I don’t think you do,’ I argued, wondering where the hell the goddamned FBI man was. ‘I’m pretty sure I got the message.’

‘Naw, we gotta hurt ya some,’ the second one said. ‘That’s what we was told.’

‘Otherwise,’ the first one said, ‘what kinda fun is it?’

‘Are you sure you got the right guy?’

‘Eddie G., right?’ the first one said. ‘From the Sands?’ Before I could deny that it was me he said, ‘Yeah, we got the right guy.’

‘Now look,’ I said, holding up my hands, ‘I know you’ve got to make a living, but-’

They advanced on me and the first one said, ‘Just take it easy.’

The other one grinned and said, ‘It’s only gonna hurt for about a week.’

There was some daylight between them so I tried to split them and get through, but they grabbed me, threw me against the wall again, only this time harder. The back of my head bounced off the brick and one of them caught me in the gut with a ham-sized fist.

I doubled over, trying to catch my breath, but I knew that wasn’t a good posture to be in. I straightened just as one of them launched a haymaker that would have taken my head off if I hadn’t dodged it. His fist struck the wall and I heard bones break — lots of ’em, I hoped. He screamed, and they both backed for a minute. That’s when I heard somebody yell, ‘Hey, hold it!’

The three of us looked up toward the street, the first one cradling his damaged hand.

‘FBI!’ the guy yelled, and started running towards us,

They took off. The alley cut all the way through to 3rd Street, and they moved pretty quick for big guys.

By the time the FBI guy reached me I had my hands on my knees, bent over, still trying to catch my breath. I was also light headed from having my head slammed against the wall.

‘You OK?’ he asked, putting his hand on my back.

‘I’m. . I’m. . I-’

‘Yeah, OK,’ he said, ‘take it easy. Maybe I should go after the-’

I grabbed his arm and shook my head violently, then lost my spaghetti and meatball lunch all over the alley.