Keeper of the Heart

Chapter 8

The moment Shanelle returned to awareness she opened her eyes, then wished she hadn’t. It was all real, Falon, the pain-and it wasn’t over. She was still there, in his tent, naked. But at least he wasn’t still crushing her with his weight, or causing that excruciating pain with his…

He lay beside her on his side, leaning on one elbow as he watched her closely. He wasn’t touching her. Right now she’d probably scream if he did.

Oh, Stars, how could she have been such a fool to give herself to a man of completely unknown qualities? Just because her body had demanded she do so was no excuse. He’d hurt her. He’d allowed his passion free rein and crushed her in those powerful arms. She felt bruised all over and she wouldn’t be surprised if something was broken. And inside her, she was probably ripped apart. That

pain had been so terrible she’d fainted to avoid it.

To think her hopes had returned, and so strongly, that he was the right man for her. Her disappointment was almost as painful as the rest. She knew a warrior would never have hurt her like that. A warrior was always gentle with a woman because of his size. But Falon wasn’t a warrior. He didn’t have a warrior’s control over his emotions. He’d claimed he did, but it had been proved otherwise. So no matter how much he had attracted her, he wouldn’t do for anything permanent. But, oh, Stars, what a shame.

She had to get out of there and quickly, before her disappointment put tears in her eyes. She’d been so sure of Falon to begin with, then again at the end, sure enough to want to join with him and leave the getting to know him for later. How was she ever going to find another man who could make her feel what this one did, in the short time she had before her father made the decision for her? And even if she did manage to find one, she’d probably be too afraid to test for compatibility again. She could no longer trust her instincts in the matter.

With those depressing thoughts, Shanelle started to get up, groaned with the movement, and got a large hand pressed to the center of her chest until she was lying flat again. “You will lie still until the bleeding stops.”

She paled at those softly spoken words. “Bleeding?”

“A normal occurrence for a woman’s first time, yet is there some excess. You should have told me.”

Why was she now blushing? “I don’t see that it would have made any difference.”

“I am not a wild beast,” he said reproachfully.

That was debatable, but all Shanelle said was, “I have to go.”

Again she tried to get up. His hand came back to her chest and stayed there this time.

“We will talk first,” he told her.

She put some reproach in her own tone. “I think we should have talked a little more before. Now there’s nothing more to say.”

“There is much to say, and you will begin by telling me why you gifted me with your first time.”

The blush wasn’t leaving her cheeks. “It’s no big deal where I come from.”

That was only a partial lie, since she had just come from Kystran, where virginity was considered an unwanted inconvenience. In fact, it was usually gotten rid of painlessly in a meditech before a woman started sex-sharing. On Sha-Ka’an it was another story. Here it was prized and expected to be gifted to a woman’s lifemate.

Shanelle knew that, but she was only half Sha-Ka’ani. She had hoped she would be giving that prized gift to her lifemate. She’d held on to it for just that reason. But she wasn’t devastated that it wasn’t going to turn out that way. She had too much of her mother’s philosophy to be upset over a piece of torn membrane-that was bleeding excessively.

“I have to go,” she reiterated firmly.

“You are welcome to try.”

The hand on her chest said Don’t bother. “You can’t keep me here, Falon.”

“I can and I will,” he stated simply. “Until the fear leaves you and you know-”

“I’m not afraid of you,” she insisted.

“That is an untruth, woman. You tremble beneath my hand.”

Shanelle closed her eyes. She tried to relax. If it was just a matter of that damn trembling, she’d will k to go away. But his hand on her was bothering her, and she was afraid of him now.

“You must let me show you that you have no reason to fear me,” he continued. “I will not shame myself again. This I swear to you.”

She glanced at him suspiciously. “What are you saying?”

“We must join again.”

“Not… on… your… life!”

Fear gave her enough strength to shove his hand off her and roll away from him. But too easily his long arm stopped her and drew her back. And now he held her against him, held her against that hard body that had hurt her, and she couldn’t get loose.

“No, please, Falon, I can’t. Not again!”

“Shh, kerima. It must be, but it will not be now. Your fear unmans me.”

His hands were soothing on her back. His heartbeat was steady beneath her cheek. She stopped trying to push away from him. She needed this comforting. She would prefer to receive it from someone else, but she still needed it.

It was a while before she tried again to leave. “Falon, I’m all right now. And I really do have to go. My friends will start to worry if I don’t show up soon.”

“You may go do you promise to return this moonrising,” he told her.

“I can’t tonight. I’ve already made other-”

“Then on the new rising.”

“All right,” she agreed, willing to say anything to get out of there.

Freedom came with that answer, his arms opening so she could move away. She did so immediately, but her aches returned to remind her to go slowly.

She’d just reached her clothing when Falon said, “I feel you do not mean to keep your word to me, woman.”

A word given under duress? Of course she wasn’t going to keep it. But she wished he hadn’t figured that out. Farden hell. Couldn’t he have waited until she’d got her clothes on to mention it? Then she could have simply run like hell.

She tried not answering, but that merely encouraged him to say, “Do you fail to come to me, then must I come to you. This I will do.”

She swung around to look at him, anxiety returning with a vengeance. “Why? You knew this was only temporary, Falon. You understood that, even complained about it. There’s no… point…”

The words trailed off when what she was looking at finally got through to her panicked senses. The man was lying there completely naked, completely relaxed, and still so sensually appealing he took her breath away. She simply stared at him-until she realized what she was doing and whipped around again, then had to bite her lips to hold in the gasp the sharp movement caused.

Good. She obviously needed the pain to remind her that he was now off limits. But she was appalled that she did need reminding. It wasn’t normal to still find him so desirable after what he’d just put her through. What it was was dangerous. And the only way to avoid that danger was to get out of there and never cross paths with him again.

She had her skirt and blouse on in record time, despite her aches. She was bending for her belt when she was grasped and straightened and drawn back against a rock-hard chest. It did no good to pull away. The hands on her upper arms weren’t hurting her, but were nevertheless locked steel.

“I understand you are not mine to command, woman, yet must you understand my need to mend what I have wrought, which goes beyond rights. I have given you a fear of joining that you lacked before, which now must be removed. You gave me a gift beyond price. I cannot repay you by leaving you with this fear.”

His voice was soft, breathed by her ear, but there was a determination in it that increased Shanelle’s fear. Prevaricating just wasn’t going to work with a man whom only plain speaking seemed to reach.

“You’re not. I don’t fear sex-sharing,” she told him, hoping that was true. “What I fear is you. You’re too rough for my taste, and I’m not just talking about the last of what happened, but everything. I wasn’t feeling it all because I was so caught up in specific feelings, but I’ll damn well feel it later when the bruises start appearing.”

“I have sworn-”

“I don’t care,” she cut in, turning to face him so she could stress her point. He allowed it, but his hands merely changed arms, and that annoyed her enough to add, “You lost control, damn it! It can happen again whether you want it to or not.”

His face darkened considerably. He really didn’t like hearing that, and too late she realized she had probably insulted him with that swearing business. Men tended to take such things pretty seriously. But his hold on her didn’t tighten to painful. She’d hate to find out what he was like when he got mad, but it wasn’t going to happen now.

“A woman must frequently be shown a thing to know it is so,” he said just before drawing her closer.

He was kissing her again. She hadn’t been expecting it, wasn’t prepared for the heady taste of him, or for the careful way he gathered her in to hold her against the length of him. A kernel of desire was actually coming to life, swiftly, so swiftly… Shanelle mentally stomped it to death and shoved out of his arms.

“That-that isn’t the part that got out of hand, Falon. Look, I know you mean well and I appreciate it, I really do, but there isn’t anything to mend or prove. I wanted you, or I wouldn’t be here. I had hoped something more per-” She stopped, horrified by what she had almost told him after he himself had admitted to such frustration in not knowing of a way to have her permanently. If he knew that all he had to do was convince her father instead of her… “But I don’t want you anymore,” she continued quickly. “It’s that simple. There isn’t going to be a second time.”

“This is your final word on the matter?”

Was he actually going to be reasonable? she wondered. “Yes.”

“Then hear mine. You will remain here after all, until the new rising.”

She just stared at him while all the implications of that statement ricocheted through her mind; then she wailed, “You haven’t listened to anything I’ve said, have you?”

“Indeed I have, and what I hear is your fear. It is you who have not listened.”

“Well, here’s some more fear for you,” she said with rising panic. “If you touch me again, Falon Van’yer, I’ll farden well scream my head off. I’ll have every warrior in this park here in a matter of moments.”

She’d do no such thing. She didn’t want the stubborn man to die, just to let her go. But he wasn’t being reasonable. Not even a little. He wasn’t even being rational. He ought to know he couldn’t get away with keeping her against her wishes, even for a short time. Had he lost sight of where he was and what laws governed here?

His next words answered that question and said he didn’t care. “Does it become necessary to fight for you, woman, this I will do.”

That utterly infuriated her. “That’s right! Be civilized about this, why don’t you? For once I almost wish you were a warrior, when that is the last kind of man I’d want. But at least they don’t fight over women unless it is to protect them-and what the hell are you grinning about?”

“You have a temper.”

Again she stared at him. Her temper amused him? Was there no avenue for reaching this man, then, not even anger?

Shanelle took a deep breath and tried calm reasoning. “Look, you had your fun, Falon. Why can’t you just let it go at that?”

“Is it your thought that I took pleasure of your unconscious body?”

“Well, didn’t you?”

“No, I did not.”

He sounded offended now. Shanelle was merely horrified by his answer. She’d thought all that turbulent emotion of his had been expended, released within her body. She had the aches to say it should have been. But he’d been deceiving her with his calmness. That intensity was still there, hidden, just waiting to finish her off.

“All right, so it’s been a disaster all the way around,” she said, hearing the anxiety back in her voice, but unable to help it. “I’m sorry, Falon, but I’m not going through that again-not with you.”

This didn’t disturb him. He merely pointed out, “You have admitted to wanting me. When your fear is gone, you will want me again. Then do we see your first joining ended properly.”

“No… we… won’t! I won’t. And in case that still isn’t clear enough for you, that means I refuse to share sex with you again, flatly, no mind-changing about it. I’m also through trying to convince you of that fact. I have people waiting for me. I’m leaving.”

“You are welcome to try.”

Once again she recognized the “don’t bother” in those words. And he said it so calmly, unaware or uncaring of the avalanche of trouble that was going to roll down on his head if she didn’t return to her father’s pavilion before the end of the day. All her mother had to do was get to her own computer-link unit and ask Martha where she was. Martha… Stars, how could she have forgotten?

Shanelle bent and swept up her belt with the attached computer link before Falon thought to stop her, then hit the voice-activator button. “Martha, I need help!”

Out of the unit came a very bruised voice. “So now I’m nice to have around, am I?”

“Get out of sulking mode, Martha. You can rub it into the ground later all you like; just do something now!”

The last word was said as Shanelle dodged Falon’s reaching hand. She’d spoken in Kystrani, but that could be a language he understood. Whether he did or not, he’d heard Martha’s voice and wasn’t too happy about it. Martha was amused, however, and chuckling to show it.

“It looks like warriors aren’t the only hardheads around this place,” she purred goadingly in Sha-Ka’ani so Falon would understand.

“Don’t get him angry!” Shanelle snapped.

“But men are so amusing when they get-”

“Martha, please!” Shanelle was still having to dodge Falon’s hands.

“Oh, all right,” Martha said grudgingly. “Pay attention, Mr. Van’yer. I’m a Mock II computer. If you haven’t heard of me-”

“I know computers,” Falon almost growled.

Martha gave a perfect simulation of a sigh. “And here I thought I was going to get to brag a little.”

“Turn it off, woman,” he ordered Shanelle.

She slowly shook her head. She knew he was angered by Martha’s inclusion in their little party, but she wasn’t sure he understood what a Mock II was capable of, especially one in control of an entire spaceship. She almost felt sorry for the frustration he was going to experience-almost.

“Turning Martha’s voice off won’t make her go away, Falon. She’s been with me all along because she’s housed right now in a Transport Rover and is in control of all the ship’s systems, including scanning and monitoring. That means she’s able to hear me and anyone around me, and keep track of our movements, whether this computer-link unit is on or off.”

“She has heard-?”

“Everything, big guy,” Martha cut in with another chuckle. “And I must say I was impressed, especially since only warriors are known to possess your kind of barbarian dominance. You never got around to saying, but I’d sure like to know what planet you hail from, because probables tells me it’s either this one or Sha-Ka’ar.”

Falon didn’t appear the least bit embarrassed over knowing that their joining had been monitored, but Shanelle had assumed Martha had given her a little privacy for that, especially since she hadn’t been Transferred out of Falon’s tent when she had first wanted to leave. She was red-cheeked now, but not so embarrassed that she missed the deduction Martha had drawn.

She didn’t know why it hadn’t occurred to her, since she knew the Sha-Ka’ari had come here to visit their mother planet before. Tedra always hated it when they did, despising the Sha-Ka’ari for what they had done to her own planet all those years ago, and she always had Martha keep tabs on them until they left Sha-Ka’an. But Martha hadn’t been here to do that for these competitions. And Sha-Ka’ari warriors might not reach the seven-foot category after so many years of mating with slaves from their planet and those captured from others, but they were still exceptionally big and tall men- and they could be black-haired and blue-eyed.

Shanelle was appalled, knowing her mother would have fits if she’d given herself to a Sha-Ka’ari warrior, unknowingly or not. She was about to have some fits of her own. They were slaveholders, for Stars’ sake… and the worst kind. There might be a few countries on this planet that enslaved women they captured, but they were rare and far from Kan-is-Tra, and their own women were still free. On Sha-Ka’ar, there were no free women, of any kind.

With her amber eyes glaring at him accusingly, Shanelle demanded of Falon, “Martha’s right, isn’t she? You’re from Sha-Ka’ar.”

“Woman, I have never even heard of such a place,” he replied, annoyance still strong in his voice.

She could no longer accept everything he said as the literal truth. “Martha, what does his body say?”

“That he’s not lying. But I don’t know what you’re getting all upset about. This was something you should have found out before you got involved with a visitor.”

Shanelle was relieved enough merely to say with a sigh, “I thought I asked you to put the lectures on hold until later.”

“Asking doesn’t always get-”

“All right, Martha. Let’s stick to immediate, like getting me out of here.”

Martha managed her own sigh. “If you insist.” And to Falon, “It goes like this, Mr. Van’yer. Shani failed to mention a few of the more interesting things I’m presently in control of. Like most Transport Rovers, our ship is equipped with Molecular Transfer. Are you by any chance familiar with Transferring, or do you require a demonstration?”

Falon was silent for a moment, possibly because Martha’s voice had turned positively smug, giving him an indication of what was coming. “I have heard of Transferring,” he finally gritted out.

“Well, that saves time,” Martha purred. “And I’ll even show you my let’s-be-fair program and leave the choice up to you, the choice in this case being, you let Shani walk out of here or I Transfer you elsewhere. And since the elsewhere will be at my discretion, you’re probably looking at being stranded about a hundred miles from the nearest telecomm. So what’s it to be?”

Shanelle worried at her lower lip with Falon staring at her while he made his decision. But there was nothing to decide. Martha’s let’s-be-fair program wasn’t fair at all. Shanelle would have to insist he not be stranded in the middle of nowhere if he chose to be stubborn and see if Martha was bluffing.

But he didn’t turn stubborn. He didn’t even sound mad when he finally said for Martha’s benefit, “I would prefer it did she stay, but the woman may go.” What he seemed like was defeated, and he was still staring at Shanelle with those lovely azure-blue eyes.

It wasn’t surprising that she felt a moment’s indecision. No man had ever affected her like this one did. She even took a step toward him, only to be halted by Martha’s voice raised at full volume.

“Hold it right there! I didn’t get you out of this mess for you to hop right back into it. He may not look it to you, but that man is absolutely furious right now. Stay the hell out of his reach.”

“The computer is very astute,” Falon said wryly.

“No, she’s just monitoring your emotions,” Shanelle replied as she slowly worked her way around to the exit. But that “absolutely furious” still disturbed her. “Don’t be angry, Falon, please. I had to ask Martha to help. You knew you had no right to keep me.”

“I would not have kept you long-”

“I know-only until we joined again. But I would have fought you and ended up getting even more hurt.”

“No!”

“You’re wasting your time, Shani,” Martha interjected tactlessly. “He’s not going to see it any way but his way.”

“I’m saying good-bye, Martha,” Shanelle snapped irritably. “Do you mind?”

“Hell, yes, I mind, but you’re going to do it anyway. Stubborn, just like your mother.”

Shanelle glared at the computer unit, but no other noise came out of it. When she glanced at Falon again, it was to find him actually smiling.

“You really do have it under control now, don’t you?” she said to him with some surprise.

He didn’t have to ask what she referred to. “You needed proof. Now you have it.”

“But without guarantees. I’m sorry, Falon, but I’m not going to take the risk again. However, I want you to know I regret that it didn’t work out between us, more than you can imagine. You were-are-really something.” She had resisted it all this while, but she finally let her eyes roam all over him for a final time-and ended up groaning, “Oh, Stars. Good-bye, Falon.”

“Shani?”

She wouldn’t have stopped if he hadn’t used her name for the first time. Still, she had her back to him now. She wouldn’t look at him again.

But she didn’t have to turn around to hear him promise, “Know that if there is a way to obtain you for my own, I will discover it-then will I destroy your computer.”

Shanelle continued to walk out of there, thanking the Stars and the Sha-Ka’ani Droda that the man didn’t know who she was.