Last Day on Earth: A Portrait of the NIU School Shooter

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IN HIS EMAILS WITH KELLY on February 1, Steve begins to worry about privacy. According to Mark, this was always a concern for Steve: “Steve was kind of paranoid about things, I don’t know why, but he would delete all the emails, always. But I never erased any.”

“Well, I’ve always wondered if you show these emails to anyone,” Steve writes to Kelly, “because that would be weird, but I don’t really care, lol. Oh, I meant to mention. . when I said I’m up for anything, I mean anything, even a 3 way (male or female) on the back of a train with hobos watching and fighting with home-made shanks over canned soup. It can be an erotic version of Bum-Fights or something. It’s great that you want to be a CADC (not sure of the acronym at the moment), because it’s not a bad profession. Druggies are fun and will provide you with many, many crazy stories to tell. Like that time where I snorted coke off a hooker’s belly while tripping on LSD. j/k, but I’m sure you’d be a great counselor; particularly since you need a totally fucked up sense of humor for a job like that. I’m amazed at times how many of my fellow students, (whom want to be social workers), are so offended by everything and anything that’s not pure, (whatever that means). Some of the people in my program were/are very sheltered. I’m a nick-name type person, so I just usually refer to odd people as nick-names. There’s this one lady who I call Rated-G who is a bible thumper and is offended by curse words, violence, sexual references, etc. She verbally opposed watching a movie for social work, because the characters use words like ‘Damn.’ Seriously. She always talks about how she only lets her kids (and herself) watch G-rated movies and such, and is annoyed by some of my very vocal separation of church and state comments. Jesus freaks piss me off, as do most fundamentalists. But people like rated-G put the FUN in fundamentalist, I guess. All the worlds a stage meant for the entertainment of people with a bizarre sense of morality and humor, I suppose. Oh, To catch a predator is on right now, hence the name Hanson. I really want that show to be done in Illinois somewhere!”

Steve’s feelings about religion come from his hatred of his mother, but it’s interesting to note that you can be ultra — right wing and antireligious. The religious right isn’t the only right. In fact, the ultra right is about the primacy of the individual, and so in its purest forms, it can’t embrace religion, which is essentially against the individual. If religion weren’t corrupt, it would be a force to the left in politics.

“That would be weird if I showed your emails to people,” Kelly writes back. “You don’t show them to anyone, do you? I only have a couple of friends who even know of the situation, and that was really only a precaution. I wanted them to know where to send the cops if I came up missing, hacked into pieces and put into an acid bath, etc. An erotic version of Bum Fights sounds amazing. I enjoy that show a lot. Especially that one loud crackhead with the fucked up teeth. I forget his name, but one of my best friends used to be able to imitate him pretty accurately. It was awesome. Was it Bling-Bling? Or did he just use that phrase a lot? Monday will likely work, but maybe 3 or 4? (That will give me time to shove my heap of laundry under my dresser, kick out all the homeless people that sleep in the corners, and hopefully plunge that dead fetus that has been clogging the toilet all week, etc. Should have just microwaved it, eh?) It’s weird to meet in the afternoon, but since that’s what works for you, I can probably skip my after-class nap for a day. . Jesus freaks piss me off as well. Mostly because they refuse to respect the opinions of others most of the time. If ‘g-rated’ spent half an hour with me when I’m not playing nice, she’d likely have to be chemically sedated and committed. I have a way with people, you know. . We should just do our own version of ‘To Catch A Predator’! I’ll do the dirty chat to lure them in, I have a friend who looks 13 to be our decoy, and you can be Chris Hanson. Instead of arresting them, we can taser them and then beat the shit out of them, leaving them in a ditch somewhere. Or whatever. It would be fun!”

“Okay, now I really am going to bed lol,” Steve replies. “Sleep is difficult at times, but such is life. No, I don’t ever show any emails to anyone, nor do I let anyone know where I am going, lol. Yeah, it may sound reckless, but it’s not something that’s an everyday occurrence. I can usually read and feel out people from the way they write, and would never meet up with someone who I didn’t initially trust. I tend to be a fairly private person in general. . The afternoon shouldn’t be too unusual! The evening isn’t the only time for stress relief!”

Steve and Kelly continue their emails later in the morning of February 2: “Well, you’re probably safe to trust me,” Kelly writes. “You should know that I really only kill minorities and children. I just give a vague explanation of the situation, really. It would be awkward to have to explain it.:). . I really don’t want to have to work tonight. Those tards better be on their best behavior. (And yes, I am aware that ‘tard’ is not the pc term these days. .).”

“Well, give me a call later if you’re bored at work,” Steve writes. “I should answer, as long as I’m not in the middle of preparing the acid bath. The garbage disposal is just not cutting it anymore. Oh yeah, I was watching this movie on cable the other day called ‘Drive Thru’ where the villain was a disgruntled fast food mascot. It started off hilarious, with a bunch of wiggers going through a drive thru late at night and getting slaughtered, (one of them gets his face deep-fried), but then (unfortunately) started to take itself too seriously. I love, LOVE B-movies, but not ones that try to be serious after showing cool kill scenes. Also, you should check out the new Rambo, if only to see the gratuitous violence and hidden messages, (i.e. patriotism good, god good, violence good, pedophilia bad. . seriously there messages strewn through Rambo and it is incredibly comical at times). It’s a Lionsgate distributed film (the film distributors of SAW and many other great movies), and it was entertaining. Probably the most violent movie I’ve seen in years. If you’re into shockingly violent movies (with a minor message at the end) see Cannibal Holocaust. Besides having the best movie title ever, it was made in 1979 and is still the most violent, graphic, and craziest movie I’ve ever seen in my life. Nothing tops it!”

Why is this the best movie title ever? Is it the combination of Nazi and horror, the chopping of bodies in fantasy and in real life brought together?

“Garbage disposals clog too easily on the big parts,” Kelly replies. “You have mentioned the Cannibal Holocaust movie before. I want to see it, but I’m not sure where to find such a film.:). . How do you feel about some light bondage? Haha”

“Light bondage sounds fascinating;-),” Steve writes. “Or, we could go more extreme if you so desire. . it’s your call, as I am willing to try anything, (and you know I will respect limits and what not). . Hmmm, I may still have handcuffs somewhere (they are trick handcuffs, so no worries about losing a key, lol), and still have an eye mask, (intended for sleeping, but whatever!). I’ll be sure to bring them.”

The next day, on Sunday, February 3, 2008, Steve decides to commit mass murder. He’s been off his Prozac for almost a week, and there’s an important event in the local news. The day before, at Lane Bryant, a clothing store in suburban Chicago, an armed robber, believed to be a black man, shot and killed five women execution-style in a botched robbery. With this event, Steve begins buying what he’ll need, beginning with extra magazines for his Hi-Point.380 pistol, purchased online.

He has an email exchange that day with Kelly titled “Why can’t Helen Keller have children?” Kelly answers the joke with: “Because she’s dead, haha. My residents are scared of storms, so this could be an entertaining evening of terror. . How was your weekend? email me back if you’re not busy.:)”

“No, I’m too busy,” Steve writes back. “Just plotting world domination and all. Did you hear about the ‘man in black’ at Lane Bryant? Crazy World! Tell them that the thunder is just Satan bowling. The bigger the pin count, the louder the thunder. Or something like that. .”

I have to wonder what “pin count” really refers to. Steve seems taken by the idea of fame through a high pin count. Perhaps he also believes in his historical importance, or even believes he is teaching in some way, similar to how Jigsaw teaches.

Steve sent a quote to Mark on February 2, a famous quote from Hermann Goering, second in command of the Third Reich and Luftwaffe commander: “Naturally, the common people don’t want war; neither in Russia nor in England nor in America, nor for that matter in Germany. That is understood. But, after all, it is the leaders of the country who determine the policy, and it is always a simple matter to drag the people along, whether it is a democracy or a fascist dictatorship or a parliament or a communist dictatorship. . voice or no voice, the people can always be brought to the bidding of their leaders. That is easy. All you have to do is to tell them they are being attacked, and denounce the pacifists for lack of patriotism and exposing the country to danger. It works the same way in any country.”

“Scary how that philosophy still holds true today,” Mark says, “but, again, you see his high level of thinking versus the average person.”

“He’ll go down in history, right?” Mark says about Steve. “I always wondered too, as weird as it sounds, not did it for people, but. . We had a fascination with school shootings from the point of Cho, how he got away with thirty-two victims or whatever he did. And how he missed some victims and his gun locked and all that stuff, right? And how he had backups and stuff. So Steve was very well-versed in the methodology of how to successfully pull it off. So he knew to have the right weapons, what weapons wouldn’t jam. We had conversations in the past — and this was brought up with the school shootings — if you’re going to do a school shooting, why go to classrooms when you could do it in an auditorium, when you have more potential to get targets. So obviously he took that into consideration, too. An auditorium would be the best pick because people are going to be all in disarray and running all around and you’re not going to be able to escape, for the most part. . And he knew that. He knew he could get in from the back and set himself up, right, because you’re not going to be able to carry a shotgun. . [from the front]. He knew the right actions to take, the right methods. He obviously was smart enough to know that the police would be on hand within a few minutes. So he knew that he only had a few minutes to do as much damage and get rid of himself. Because he’s not one to. . he would never be one to be taken into custody. Just knowing his personality. And he wouldn’t want to go down with the satisfaction of someone shooting him. So he’d rather take care of himself and get it done with.

“I feel that maybe it wasn’t for recognition,” Mark continues, “but maybe because he studied these people and saw what they did, and he knew that Cho had mental illness as a kid. . I think that one of the Columbine kids was taking Prozac. Maybe he just saw some similarities in that. And he figures go out and show, you know? He could have just gone there on stage and killed himself and it would still have been tragic, and it would have been for everyone there, to see that and view that and live with that for the rest of their lives. . Did he do it because me and him had a fascination with school shootings, the psychology of it, so he did it because he knew I’d hear about this? I’d be like. . not for me, but I’m saying did he do it because he knew it would be out in the public? I don’t know. I’ve been struggling with, uh, the reason. He did a leadership guide for me and wrote these responses: How do you define success in your life? ‘Personally, I feel as though success is setting and achieving a legitimate and viable goal, without the aid of shortchanging oneself or inflicting harm onto others, be it directly or indirectly.’ Interesting, right? What do you think the most important things are in achieving such success? ‘I feel as though maintaining a moral compass and a sense of ethical conduct is paramount in achieving any degree of success.’ Interesting, huh?

“I did hear a story from one person who was sitting in front, stage right, in the front row, and when Steve started shooting, he went under the chairs and crawled underneath from the front to the back, and he could see Steve walking, like he could see his shoes walking by. So he’s crawling, against the wall more, and Steve’s looking for people. And then obviously people witnessed him doing himself.

“He controlled how long he was going to do this for, he controlled the room, for the most part, right, he controlled everyone in the room, and then he controlled his ultimate destiny, the destiny of himself. If you look at it that way, philosophically, it’s about controlling yourself and controlling your destination because you weren’t happy.”

It’s very odd to sit with Mark, Steve’s best friend, and talk about all this. Odd mostly because he’s so detached. No sign of emotion, just “curious about what went on in the mind of Cho,” now applied to Steve. He also still believes in Steve’s goodness, as do many of Steve’s friends and professors. Mark works in a corporate headquarters, and this seems a perfect place for someone with his interests to hide. He can remain completely anonymous. I sit with him for over three hours, taping our conversation, and we have months of emails and phone calls, but I still don’t know any details about his personal life.

Kelly answers Steve’s Lane Bryant email on February 3 with, “Nope, i didn’t hear of any man in black. . fill me in on the gruesome details! im going to tell the residents that the thunder is because jesus is angry, and probably because of something they did. world domination is what i work on in my free time as well. id even take a lower form of domination so long as i could kill people with no ramifications. but thats just me.”

The next day, Monday, February 4, is the day they’ve planned for sex and bondage, but after all the build, Steve feels sick. “Hey, I’m not feeling so well and just took some Tylenol PM, as I think I may have caught a cold. I’m sorry to cancel last minute, but the last thing I want is to get someone else sick.” Perhaps Steve is having stomach trouble as well. Stress and anxiety have always given him bowel problems, and he’s decided now to commit mass murder and suicide, so that must have an effect. He responds to Kelly’s “i hate contemporary theory more than i hate Mexicans. . and thats a lot” email with “I rarely get sick, but when I do, it’s usually pretty bad. I’ll spare you all of the wonderful details!”

He buys from Bounty Hunter and Top Gun Supply, and he writes a check to himself for $3000 cash, then changes it to $3001. He also buys a spring-assisted knife. The next day, February 5, he keeps buying. Two nine-millimeter magazines and holsters from Able Ammo. He pays extra shipping costs for second-day air and goes to a Marilyn Manson concert that night with Jessica. On the way there, he asks her, “What do you think happens when we die?”

He describes the Manson concert in an email to Kelly on February 11, three days before the shooting. He’s been planning mass murder for at least eight days at this point, but he’s still chatty: “By the way, did I mention that Manson was AMAZING live. Probably the best part was him burning a bible on stage. On a hilarious side note, some of the audience members were Neo-Nazi party members and held up a 3rd Reich (Nazi) flag throughout most of the concert. The minimum wage black security guards and illegal aliens (the security at the Aragon Ballroom is outsourced/privately contracted out) were not happy about this, but the guys told the security to fuck off. It was quite entertaining. Seriously, though, the antichrist superstar logo kind of resembles a swastika. Well, be sure to keep in touch, and don’t forget about me.”

Mark knew about the Manson concert, also, “but again, that was something I didn’t tell the cops, because they would blame it on Marilyn Manson. Steve respected Manson as well. He asked me to go, and in hindsight I should have gone, but he sent me this email: ‘I went to his concert on Feb 5th, in Chicago. . I’ve always wanted to see Manson live. I’ve always enjoyed his music, because beyond the initial shock value, all of Manson’s music is a criticism of contemporary politics, religion, and especially media in some way. If you ever get a chance, check out his autobiography. Jessica has it, and it’s very engrossing. A lot of his views make sense, but we are obviously obfuscated by his media image. Many casual observers don’t realize that most of his music is a euphemism for broader issues. Example: the song Dope Show has nothing to do with drugs at all but rather the zombifying effect of media icons on our consciousness. Although that is precisely his point, he wants to be a hyper-ironic figure that knocks the hypocrisy of humanity.’ When you see his writings, you can see that he just analyzed Manson probably the best I’ve ever seen it.” And Manson is perfect for school shooters, because he confuses the concepts of suicide and murder: Shoot myself to love you. If I loved myself, I would shoot you. What if suicide kills?