Last Witnesses : An Oral History of the Children of World War II

“I WAS AFRAID OF THAT DREAM…”

Lena Starovoitova FIVE YEARS OLD. NOW A PLASTERER.

All I have left is a dream…One dream…Mama put on her green coat, her boots, wrapped my six-month-old sister in a warm blanket, and left. I sat by the window and waited for her to come back. Suddenly I saw a few people being led down the road, and among them my mama and my little sister. Near our house, mama turned her head and looked through the window. I don’t know whether she saw me or not. A fascist hit her with the butt of his rifle…He hit her so hard that she doubled over…

In the evening, my aunt came, my mother’s sister…She cried a lot, she tore her hair, and called me “little orphan, little orphan.” I heard that word for the first time…

That night I dreamed that mama was stoking the stove, the fire was burning brightly, and my little sister was crying. Mama called to me…But I was somewhere far away and didn’t hear. I woke up in fear: mama called to me and I didn’t answer. Mama wept in my dream…I couldn’t forgive myself that she was weeping. I dreamed that dream for a long time…Always the same. I wanted…and was afraid of that dream…

I don’t even have a photograph of mama. Only that dream…There’s nowhere else I can see mama now…