Level 7

APRIL 14

I see that my last entry ended with a slightly envious reference to X-117. But it seems that his sociable tendencies are bringing him nothing but more trouble. P-867 is now participating in his therapy, and she told me today that his condition is getting more serious. He cannot move his fingers of his right hand.

She says there is nothing physically wrong with the hand: the paralysis is a clear symptom of hysteria. And she has a theory to explain it. At least, she has the modesty to call it a theory. Knowing her, I am sure she thinks it is the only possible explanation.

My fellow-officer, she says, must as a child have used his right hand in quest of pleasures which were strictly forbidden by his parents. Those urges became repressed, but they remained a powerful factor in his unconscious mind. The repressive control will not let them out even now, so the urges express themselves through the symptoms of paralysis. X-117 really enjoys his paralysis, according to P-867’s strange explanation, because it is unconsciously associated with the repressed urges. But these symptoms are so remote from their true origin that the repressive control cannot recognise them and so lets them be.

In fact, X-117 has his own, seemingly ‘rational’ explanation for his sickness. What he says is that his paralysis is a punishment from ‘above’ for his readiness to push buttons and destroy the world. He keeps talking about this punishment, which he considers just. “Obviously,” said P-867 today, “he doesn’t want to be cured. His job on Level 7, pushing buttons, is too strongly associated in his mind with the activities which his parents told him were wicked.”

I asked her whether, on the other hand, there was not a part of his mind which did want to be cured: if pushing the buttons was associated with sensations of pleasure, would he not want to be capable of indulging in it? “You forget,” she answered with a smile of superior wisdom, “that the repressive controls wouldn’t allow it. Only under the disguise of paralysis can he have his gratification.”

As if this were not enough, there appeared to be further complications. On the level of his conscious mind, X-117 resents pushing the buttons not only because it would cause general destruction but also because it would be a crime against his mother in particular. “If it were against his father,” P-867 argued, “this would be a more straightforward case of Oedipus complex. But by substituting his mother for his father he complicates the issue and creates a more profound conflict, for he’s very strongly attached to his mother—abnormally so, by the standards of Level 7 psychology. This is what makes him refuse so stubbornly to do anything against her. His reluctance wouldn’t be nearly so great if he imagined he was going to destroy his father.”

I must say I got pretty muddled by all this. Now I do not know whether X-117 is suffering from paralysis because he enjoys it, or because he does not want to push the buttons, or because he believes in God and thinks there is a divine edict against button-pushing, or because he has mixed up his parents. Probably I have mixed-up P-867’s explanations just as badly.

I do not really care what is the true reason for his paralysis. What affects me is the fact that he is strongly attached (to a degree considered abnormal in this abnormal place) to another human being. The idea fascinates me. To care that much must be a wonderful sensation. When I first heard about X-117’s paralysis I felt glad it was his hand and not mine. Now I envy him his abnormality.