Level 7

MARCH 23

“Why the hell did they pick me for training as a pushbutton officer? Why couldn’t they choose somebody else? Our C.O. back in the camp, for example—he might have enjoyed it. Why pick on me?”

Apparently I must have spoken these thoughts out loud earlier this evening, for I received an unexpected answer—from the loudspeaker. There must be a system of supervision which enables the command to hear what we say even in the ‘privacy’ of our rooms.

The loudspeaker—it was a woman’s voice—spoke softly: “You were chosen because of your personal qualities. You must have proved to be a man of stable disposition, technically skilful, ambitious, intelligent and very healthy. Also you must have got a very high score in claustrophobia tests.”

That was all. The loudspeaker went silent again. I was eager to continue the conversation and asked some question, but I got no answer. Either the woman was laconically inclined, or she had to speak to someone else.

For a moment this event made me forget my meditations. Then I resumed them.

The woman was right: I was ambitious, and that was what has made me accept the offer of training. I was only a private at the time. Suddenly, after I had undergone (without in the least knowing why) a long series of medical, psychological and psychotechnical tests, I was offered immediate promotion to the rank of lieutenant, with excellent ‘special’ pay and allowances and prospects of further advancement after training. The job sounded attractive—it seemed to have something to do with gadgets, which I had always liked—and moreover it was stressed as being of the utmost importance. I jumped at it.

Perhaps if I were more sensitive I would have hesitated before signing a declaration which committed me to absolute secrecy about things which I was going to learn and whose nature was quite mysterious to me at the time. A more sensitive person might have been scared by the unknown; but I had scored very high in the test for emotional stability.

I dare say a more sensitive person would go mad living down here without a hope of getting out. So that is why they chose me! All right, but I do not consider that that is any guarantee that I shall not go mad myself.

I might be better off now if I had been just unstable enough to fail all those tests they gave me. Some people do not seem to mind the life down here, though. That woman on the loudspeaker sounds as if she takes it all in her stride.