Love and Brimstone

Chapter Twenty-Seven

Robertson excused himself from dinner. He agreed with Matthias. He wanted Taz and Rafael to work this out themselves. He couldn’t manage every aspect of Taz’s new life, including how she dealt with Rafael. Matthias and Rafe were very close and spent a lot of time together in the course of business and as family. She needed to resolve this sooner rather than later.

Rafael knocked on her cabin door, and wordlessly she locked it behind her and kept up with him. Anastazia jammed her hands into her jacket pockets while they walked, afraid to get too close to Rafael. She maintained a sturdy mental barrier between them.

Halfway to the lodge, he stopped her. “Can we talk? Please?”

She shook her head. “I feel bad enough,” she softly said. “He’s going to hate me.”

“No, he won’t hate you. Matthias loves you. He could never hate you.”

She didn’t respond.

“Listen to me.” Rafael touched her chin and forced her to look at him. “Matthias loves you. I know you love him. I, however, am an idiot. I’m really sorry I messed with you today. I just figured as much as he loved you and how you acted around him that he’d marked you, so it wouldn’t matter if I flirted with you. It never occurred to me that he hadn’t or wouldn’t.”

“What do you mean, ‘marked me?’”

“You really don’t know?”

She shook her head.

“The old French slang term was coeur asservi, roughly speaking.”

“Enslaved heart?”

He nodded and hooked his arm through hers as they continued toward the lodge. “Not everyone can do it. Vampires”—she winced at the word, but he continued as if he didn’t notice—“like you and me and Matthias, we can mark someone. Not all vampires can, just stronger ones. Humans can be marked. So can other vampires who aren’t as strong as we are. You can only mark a stronger vampire if they allow you to.”

“Or if you trick them into it,” she finished.

He nodded. “I just assumed—”

“That he marked me because I wouldn’t know any better?”

Rafael nodded again. “I’m sorry.” He worked his ring, rubbing the band with his thumb. Maybe that’s why it was such a plain setting, because he used it like a worry stone. If it ever had any ornamentation he would have rubbed it smooth decades earlier.

“But what does it mean?” she asked.

He carefully considered his words. “It’s like a mental brand. It’s permanent. You can only romantically love the person who marks you. Your heart and soul belong to them, right or wrong.”

“So if Matthias had marked me, I wouldn’t have kissed you?”

“Right. Not willingly. I assumed…I just figured he had. The way he looks at you, feels about you, and the way you feel about him, I didn’t even think you weren’t marked. I’ve never seen him as happy as he is with you. He’s had relationships, but he’s never loved. Not since his wife died.”

“Why hasn’t he marked me?”

“Because he loves you. He wants you to willingly choose to be with him. He won’t ever force you.”

She considered his words. “Someone else could mark me?”

Rafael smiled, and her heart melted under his gaze. “Well, not for much longer. Not unless you let them. That’s one thing he wants to train you for, to protect yourself. It’s not like there’s a bunch of vampires walking around out there strong enough to make you buckle to their will.”

“So you mean there are vampires with flocks of these marked people running around slaving over them?” The thought churned her stomach.

He shook his head. “It doesn’t work like that. Because of the connection, you can only have one marked soul joined to you at a time.”

“Oh. So when they mark someone new, it disappears from the other person?”

He slowly shook his head. If he’d realized she was totally clueless, he wouldn’t have brought it up. “No,” he said softly. “When you mark someone, it’s for life. You own their heart and soul. Their heart’s free will. You totally control them. It’s a connection between you and the one you mark. If you decide you want to mark someone else, you can’t just release the other person. You can’t give back what you took.”

“But what happens to the first person if someone new is marked?”

“They die. And if the one who marks you dies, you die, too.”

She tried to absorb that information. “How many,” she asked, not wanting to know, afraid of the answer, “has Matthias marked in his life?”

“None. He doesn’t ever want to control someone like that.”

Whew! “And you?”

Rafael shook his head. “I don’t want that responsibility.”

“But there are vampires out there…” Morbid curiosity got the better of her.

“Yes. A few, not many. Centuries ago, I’ve been told, there were some who had no regard for others, especially for humans. They marked someone, and then when they tired of them, they found someone new. It’s rare now for someone to be marked unless they beg and plead for it. Anyone who marks another, they are held responsible by the Tribunal for that person’s life and well-being.”

Tribunal? That was one she’d have to remember to ask about later. “Why would someone want to be marked?”

He looked down. “I don’t know if you’ve ever experienced true heartbreak, that pain so deep and so strong you feel like it’s going to kill you. Being marked, it erases that pain.”

“How?”

“When you’re marked, you’re unable to love another. Your love is totally owned by the one who marks you. You forget the love you had for anyone else. Any feelings. You remember the relationship, remember you once loved them, but the emotions are gone. Love—and pain.”

She understood. “I can see how someone might want to forget the pain. But at the risk of their life? And giving up control?” Loving someone was one thing, but she’d be damned if she’d let them control her.

Rafael’s voice changed, and she sensed his despair. “There is emotional pain so deep that, for some, their only two choices are death, or the risk of death. Some would rather be marked than in pain, even at the risk of death.”

She shuddered. Going through her parents’ death had been bad, but she’d had Robertson by her side. She’d grieved, mourned, and moved on. There wasn’t a day she didn’t think about and miss them, but life had to continue.

What about people not as strong as she was?

They arrived at the lodge. “I could mark Matthias?”

Rafael nodded. “If you wanted. He’s strong enough he might fight you, but I don’t think he would. He’s devoted to you. He would rather die than hurt you. If you demanded it, he would give it to you, let you mark him. He’ll give you anything you ask for.”

She shivered, afraid. She’d never had anyone that deeply in love with her before. “How do I know he really loves me and isn’t just under some freaky vampire spell?”

Rafael smiled and held the door for her. “Because he refuses to mark you. He doesn’t want to take anything from you that you don’t freely give. He’s watched you all those years from afar. If he wanted to possess you, don’t you think he would have marked you years ago? He’s worked hard to protect you, to give you as normal a life as possible. He’s heartsick his plans changed. He wanted the chance to win your love like a normal guy.”

“He almost died.”

He nodded. “In a way you’ve marked him. He’s tasted you. You saved him. Your blood courses through his veins. And you did it with free will and an open heart, and complete and utter disregard for your own safety. That’s almost as powerful as a mark. Maybe more.”

“You were on the way. You could have saved him.”

He shook his head. “It would have been like a blood transfusion. I would have helped heal him. Even if I had gotten there in time, it would have taken days, if not weeks, for his wounds to heal completely. You are stronger than me. More than that, your heart and love, even back then, what was inside your soul reached out for him and brought him back.” Rafe smiled. “I know you’re upset we kissed, but unmarked or not, I don’t have a chance in hell with you in this life. You love him.”

They sat and ordered. “What’s with the ring?” she asked, pointing.

He looked as if seeing it for the first time. “Oh, this? It’s old. I’ve had it for—” He considered, then smiled. “I don’t remember how long I’ve had it. When I get nervous I tend to rub it.”

She sensed he was fibbing, but let it go. “So I’ve noticed. May I?”

He nodded and stretched his hand across the table. She was hesitant to touch him but carefully took his hand.

“I won’t bite, Taz.”

She laughed. He’d put up a weak barrier out of courtesy, knowing she could break through.

It hit her—why could she read his thoughts? Were her powers growing, or was it something more?

His ring was beautiful, a large, faceted yellowish stone catching every color in the room. “What is it?”

“Citrine. Real citrine, very rare. A few minor imperfections. This is the fifth or sixth setting I’ve had it in.”

It looked like a heavy-duty class ring without any decoration. Satiny smooth from years of his nervous tic.

“What does it signify?”

He shrugged, and when she released his hand, she sensed his regret. “Protection. At least, that’s what the lore says. It’s always brought me good luck. It has a lot of properties, emotional and physical healing, psychic warning system. Heck, one book I’ve got says it even clears constipation.”

He smiled as she laughed. Alone like this, she knew she was privileged to see the real man, not the mask he wore for everyone else. And he was sweet.

“Remind me, and I’ll loan you my book on crystals. I’ll bring it to the house next time I come down.” He paused. “When I say I don’t remember how long I’ve had it, that’s a fib. It’s over two hundred years old.” His voice was unusually quiet, sad. “I know I’m a pain in the ass, but this was from the one person who could tame me. She knew she was dying. She was worried about me, about what I’d do when she was gone. She wanted me protected. She knew what I was immediately when we first met.”

He paused. She didn’t interrupt, touched to see this side of him. Did anyone else ever see it? He met Taz’s eyes, fully aware of what he was doing.

“When I say Matthias loves you, I say it because I know the pain he’s felt. It’s not unusual for us to love and lose that love through the natural course of time. There’s nothing you can do about it. You are very fortunate you’ve found someone like you, someone who can give you many years of joy.”

He was sincere. He invited her into his mind, enough to see the woman, how much he’d loved her, how she died. And how his grief consumed him, nearly killed him.

“She wasn’t a vampire?”

He shook his head, took a drink of water. “Catydid—Cassandra—was a witch. A true witch, not one of those new age woo-woo Wiccans who light incense and think they’re powerful. I protected her because as you know, back then, it wasn’t popular. She was the closest thing to a doctor there was. She had strong intuitive abilities. Herbs, healing, midwife. She was special. She spent her life helping others, never harmed anyone.” Rafael’s barrier was back up, but now Taz knew more about him, why he was a playboy.

Why he didn’t want to get close to someone else.

“I know I’ve got a reputation, Taz. Everyone handles loss in their own way. Once I got over wanting to kill myself, I learned to move forward. I just decided it’s easier for me not to get too close to others. Play and leave.”

“Matthias knows.” Not a question.

“I’d be dead if it wasn’t for him. I wanted to die. He wouldn’t let me kill myself, promised me it would get easier as time went on. In some ways it did, but in others… No one else knows, and I’d appreciate it if no one else did. They’d all be like, ‘Oh poor Rafe, he’s just so sad, let’s hook him up.’ Frankly, I don’t I want that anymore. I’m beyond that.”

“It hurts too bad.”

He nodded as he smiled. “God, look at me, the wet blanket. Let’s eat.”

They took their time and talked for nearly two hours. He was intelligent, funny, and sensitive. When he mentioned he had a Mustang, her eyes lit up, and they even talked cars for a while. They had a lot in common, and she knew they could easily talk all night.

There was a natural pause in their conversation toward the end of dinner, and she sensed something from him. The longer they were together, the more he let his guard down.

And, she realized, the more she let hers down, too.

“You remind me of her. A lot,” he whispered, meeting her eyes.

Taz quickly looked away. She loved Matthias. Rafael was different than him in so many ways, and yet so damn familiar. If she spent a lot of time around him, would it cause problems for her in her relationship with Matthias?

Rafael reached over and touched her hand. “Taz, baby, I’ll never come between the two of you. I didn’t mean to put you on the spot earlier. I meant it—I’m really sorry about that.”

She turned her hand over, took his, squeezed. “I know.” She forced her eyes back to his, searching. What if she had met Rafael first? What if Matthias hadn’t nearly died, if she didn’t feed him and have that bond with him, would she still feel the same?

Rafael smiled, raised her hand to his lips, and kissed it gently before releasing her. “We’ll never know, will we?” he whispered.

Taz blushed, unaware she’d broadcasted her thought to him. She knew this was the real Rafael, not the playful flirt everyone else saw.

She didn’t raise her barrier against him.

“And don’t forget, baby girl, my blood runs though the big guy’s veins. And his through mine. Centuries of saving each other’s asses,” he smirked. “So you’ve had a taste of me, too.” He paused. “Just promise me one thing.”

“What?”

He gently touched her chin, and the heat in that simple gesture made her shiver with desire.

Rafael’s eyes fixed hers. She struggled to hear his low, emotion-filled voice. “Please, promise me if there’s ever a chance, you’ll give it to me first.”

Her heart raced. It was suddenly hard to breathe. It felt like hours that she stared into his eyes, knowing he wasn’t trying to control her but feeling that deep-seated connection she couldn’t explain. She wished she could give him that chance now, God help her.

She nodded and whispered, “I will. I promise.”

He smiled, sad and wistful. “I know I’ll never get that chance, because I know you love each other. I just want you to know how I feel. Just in case.” He squeezed her hand again. “I’ll make sure to look for you in my next life.” He laughed. “Dibs.”

She smiled and nodded again. “Me too. Dibs on you.” What was it about him? With Matthias she felt a pull, the attraction, at the very depths of her soul. This was even more still. This was familiar.

Like she’d loved him before. She knew it wasn’t due to his vampire charm, either. She felt it on a deeper level, similar to what she felt for Matthias, only different.

“Why do we feel this way?” she asked, speaking what they both felt. “Why do I love you, Rafe?”

He looked down at the table. She sensed he was holding back. “I don’t know.”

She waited, but he didn’t continue. “You have an idea, don’t you?”

He nodded, still not meeting her eyes.

It was like pulling teeth. She couldn’t stand it. “Rafe—”

He shook his head, looking at her again. “Water under the bridge, Taz baby. It doesn’t matter, does it? I know you and Matthias love each other. You have a chance to be happy together. And I am happy for you—both of you.”

She didn’t pry, but sensed more.

How could he ever tell her? Not that he had proof. That she was once Cassandra.

His Cassandra. His sweet, beautiful Catydid.

And beyond that, even… He had his suspicions, but why give Matthias even more reason not to screw up?

“Do you have your camera with you?” he asked.

She felt her pockets and nodded. “Why?”

“I’d like a couple of pictures. You can e-mail them to me later.”

He flagged the waiter over, moved to sit next to her, and the waiter took several pictures of them smiling, happy. Rafael asked for one more, and she turned to look at him, instinctively knowing what he wanted, letting him touch his forehead to hers like two intimate lovers instead of friends.

He managed to hold his tears at bay. He was convinced now more than ever of who she was, because of the things he felt from and about her.

She didn’t know. She couldn’t ever know. He couldn’t do that to Matthias or to her. She already loved his cousin. Perhaps one day he might have another chance with her. Until that time, he’d have to be content with his memories. And pictures.

“Thank you,” he whispered.

She smiled. Before he could move away, she touched his face and gently kissed him on the lips, but it was a good-bye, not the passionate embrace of earlier.

“I love you, Rafe. I’m sorry I can’t give you more than that right now.”

He met her eyes, nodded, stroked her cheek. “I know. It’s okay. I love you, too, Taz baby.”

You have no idea how much, baby girl.