M.Y.T.H. Inc. In Action

Chapter Twelve:

"It sure looks to me like a big night tonight!"

-ARTHUR, REX

IN OUR PLANNIN', we had neglected to establish a means by which Tananda was to let us know which room they was gonna be in. (Oversights such as this is why I am usually willin' to let someone else ... like the Boss ... do our plannin' for us!) Fortuitously, the Deveel had given them directions loud enough for us to hear at the same time as he was handin' them the key, so we have no trouble findin' where we are supposed to be.

"I don't hear anything ... do you?" Nunzio sez, cockin' his head outside the door.

By now, however, I am gettin' a head of steam up and am in no mood to quibble over details.

"Maybe you should have thought of that before you sent Bee for the cops," I sez, backin' up to get a runnin' start. "But since you did, we are kinda committed to be there when the waltz starts... know what I mean?"

"Well, just remember that the key to this working is to try to promote confusion whenever possible."

"That shouldn't be hard," I snarl, and launch myself at the door.

I have specifically mentioned our objective of "confusion" so that youse folks readin' this will not think your brains have suddenly gone Fruit Loops while tryin' to sort out this next series of events ... that is, it's supposed to be ‘confusion'!

Anyway, the door goes down, as doors are inclined to do when I hit them goin' full tilt, and the two of us pile into the room ... which I am not too busy to notice is considerably nicer than the room Frumple gave me yesterday.

To our startlement, there is no altercation occurrin' in the room ... at least, not until we arrive. Tananda and Junebug are in a huddle on the sofa, but any noise she is makin' is not screams of outrage. Still, as we have made our entrance, my cousin and me have little choice but to continue with the script as originally planned.

Nunzio latches on to Junebug, liftin' him clear of the sofa whilst I turns my attentions to Tananda. "Are you okay, lady??" I sez in my loudest voice, which projects pretty well thanks to my old drama coach. "Just take it easy!!"

"Damn it, Guido! Not yet!!" she hisses, glarin' at me as she struggles into a sittin' position.

Now, this is not part of our planned dialogue, and I glance over at Junebug quick-like to see if he has noticed that Tananda has let it slip that we know each other. I need not have concerned myself.

Nunzio is holdin' Junebug high enough that his feet are not touchin' the floor, hangin' onto him by the front of his uniform while shakin' him hard. Of course, on the out-stroke, he is also slammin' our colleague into the wall in a repeated manner solidly enough to shake the buildin'. He has done this to me on a couple of occasions, so I can state from personal experience that while it may look like he is tryin' to help you clear your head, the actualities of the situational is that after hittin' the wall a few times, you're lucky to remember your name, much less why he is carryin' on in this manner.

"Calm down, Junebug!" my cousin is shoutin'. "She isn't worth it!! We don't want no trouble!!!"

Seein' as how Junebug is distracted, which I can tell by the way his eyes are rollin' around independent-like in his head, I turn my attention to Tananda once more.

"Look, Tananda," I growl, lowerin' my voice so's only she can hear me, "I apologize if our timin' is less than exact. You can beat on me for it later. In the meantime, might I point out that the curtain is already up and you have been entrusted with a rather important role in our performance?"

"But we were just starting to ..." she pauses here and draws a long, ragged breath. "Oh ... All right!"

With this, she reaches up, takes hold of the shoulder of her dress, and rips it diagonally across her body down to the hip ... in doin' so givin' me a quick glimpse of a lot more of Tananda than it has previously been my privilege to view.

"He was going to ... Oh, it was just awful! What kind of people are you, anyway?"

She pauses in her hysterics.

"Guido!" she sez, urgent-Iike.

I am still starin' at the portion of the dress she is now tryin' to hold together with one hand.

"Hmmm? Oh ... Yeah! Just take it easy, lady!!" I sez, avertin' my eyes as I am a little embarrassed. "He didn't mean nothin'!!"

"Get him away from me!!! Just get him away!!!"

That cue I can remember.

"Come on Nunzio," I sez. "Let's get him out of here!"

With that, we each grab Junebug by one arm and usher him out of the room through the crowd that's startin' to gather. I look back at Tananda and give her a wink, but she just sticks her tongue out at me quick-like before continuin' her hysterics.

"WHAT KIND OF A PLACE IS THIS?" she screams after us. "Letting animals like that mix with decent people ..."

I lose the rest of her performance as we are carryin' Junebug down to the main floor by now.

The crowd what has been outside the room was nothin' compared to what was waitin' for us in the bar. Everybody in the place is crowdin' around to see what is goin' on ... well, crowdin' at a distance like folks do when they don't want to be right up dose to the action. Toward the back, I can see the uniforms of some of the local constabulary, though they are havin' trouble reachin' us through the heavy traffic. Of the Military Police there is no sign ... so I figure we will just have to start without them.

"What's going on up there?" Frumple demands, appearin' at my side.

"Here," I sez out of the side of my mouth, pushin' some money into his hand. "Take this."

"What's this for?" he sez, scowlin' at my offerin'.

"That should cover the bar bill for our table since this afternoon."

"Your bar bill?" he frowns. "I don't get it. We had a deal. I give you free drinks, and you don't bust up my place or tell anyone ... my secret."

"Don't worry," I sez, showin' him a few teeth. "Your secret is safe."

"Then what ... Hey! Wait a minute! You aren't going to ..."

Just then, the police reach us.

Now, earlier Nunzio and me was commentin' how there wasn't anyone in the bar who could give us a run for our money. This situational changes when these cops roll in. There are four of them, and while none of them looks particularly tough physically bein' uniformly soft around the middle, there is a steadiness in their eyes that anyone in the business can spot as the mark of someone what don't get particularly rattled when trouble starts.

"All right!" the biggest one of 'em says, steppin' up to us. "What's going on here?"

As you might guess, people of Nunzio's and my profession are not overly fond of the authorities of the law, particularly the street variety, and we usually give them wide berth. So in actual confrontation such as this, it is not too difficult for us to act unpleasant.

"What kind of town is this?" Nunzio bellows, glarin' around at the crowd. "A man in uniform tries to have a quiet drink ... and the next thing you know, some bimbo is trying to set him up for a bum rap!!"

"Just take it easy, soldier," the cop sez, friendlylike. "You're among friends now. There are a couple of us who were in the service ourselves once."

This is somethin' we hadn't counted on. The last thing we need right now is for the cops to act reasonable. I figure it is about time I take a hand in the proceedin's personally.

"Oh, yeah?" I sneers. "What happened? You chicken out when it looked like there might actually be some fightin' to be done? Figured it was safer hasslin' drunks than gettin' shot at?"

"Cool down, soldier," the cop smiles, but I can see his lips are real tight. "Let's just step outside and discuss this."

"You hear that?" Nunzio shouts to the Flie brothers who are still holdin' down our table. "They don't mind taking our money for drinks ... but when we catch 'em tryin' to roll one of our boys, THEN they try to send us packing!"

"Oh yeah?" Shu Flie bristles and stands up, crowdin' toward us followed close by his brother. "Well if they want us out of here, they're gonna have to throw us out!"

Caught between us on one side and the Flie brothers on the other, the cops start gettin' nervous, swivelin' their heads back and forth tryin' to keep an eye on all of us.

"Now hold on a minute!" the cop we was talkin' to sez. "Who are you saying was trying to roll you?"

"That floozie upstairs!" Nunzio snarls, jerkin' a thumb back over his shoulder. "She gave our buddy the big come on ... crawlin' all over him, you know? Then when we go up to see if he's all right 'cause he's been drinkin', she's goin' through his pockets!"

"That's right!" Hy Flie sez. "We were sittin' right over there when this bombshell starts playing up to Junebug here!"

"Of course, they stick up for each other!" one of the guys in the front of the crowd snorts to the fellow next to him.

I don't think he meant to be heard, but Shu Flie was standin' right beside him and caught it.

"Are you callin' my brother a liar?" he sez, startin' for the loudmouth.

I'm thinking we got the fight in the bag, but one of the cops gets between 'em holdin' them apart with a hand on each of their chests.

"Back off! Both of you!" he orders. "We're going to get to the bottom of this ..."

"GET YOUR HANDS OFF THAT SOLDIER!!"

The Military Police have arrived and come pushin' through the crowd to join our discussion group.

"Military personnel are to be handled by the MPs and not pushed around by some cop with a chip on his shoulder!"

The sergeant in charge of the MPs is a real bruiser and just the kind of Joe I wanted to see ... not too bright and dog-stubborn. He has three of his buddies with him, so we really outnumber the cops. Then I see some more police uniforms comin' through the door and have to revise my count again. It looks like a real party shapin' up.

"We weren't pushing him around!" the first cop sez, steppin' in nose to nose with the MP sergeant. "What's more, this investigation involves a civilian, so until we find out what happened ..."

"We caught some bimbo tryin' to roll one of our boys!" Shu Flie shouts at the MP. "And now they're all tryin' to cover up for her!"

"Is that so!" the MP scowls, glarin' around at the bar. "These soldiers risk their lives to keep things safe for you, and this is the thanks they get?"

What a great guy, I think. What a great, gullible, thick-headed guy. He could probably get this fight started all by himself ... if we let him.

"I resent that remark!" our cop snarls, finally startin' to lose it. "We risk our lives too, you know!"

"Oh excuse me! I forgot!" the MP smiles nastylike. "You're in constant danger of choking to death on a doughnut!"

"Doughnut, is it?" the cop sez, lookin' around slow at the other cops ... maybe to count heads and check the odds before decidin' what to do or say next.

I turned my head to sneak a wink at Nunzio, just in time to see Tananda make her entrance from the stairs.

"THERE THEY ARE!!!" she shrieks, "Those are the soldiers that attacked me!!"

It would seem that she has been busy with her disguise gizmo, because the bruise I have earlier commented on is now clearly in evidence ... although to an experienced eye such as my own, it is obvious that it is not a recent injury. Of course, bein' Tananda and havin' a flair for the dramatic, she has not stopped there. While the dress she is wearin' is the same color as the one she had on earlier, its hemline and fit are a lot more modest than the hot outfit she used to get Junebug's attention ... and more. On top of that, her wild, sexy hairdo now looks more like some librarian's maidenly bun what has been pawed to pieces. The real beauty of all this, however, is that she is standin' where the cops can see her, but the MPs can't! Of course, the crowd can see her, too.

"That's no floozie!" the guy what mouthed off earlier sez.

"Hey! I think she works with me!" someone else chimes in.

"See what happens when they let soldiers in here?"

The crowd is startin' to get ugly, but to give the cop credit, he tries to calm things down.

"Just relax, everybody!" he hollers. "We're handling this!"

Then he turns back to the MP, his face all grimlike.

"We've got to get to the bottom of this, sergeant," he sez. "I want you to hold those three men ..."

As he's sayin' this, he raises his hand to point in our direction.

Now there is a gag that Nunzio and I have pulled so often that we don't even have to look at each other now to know what to do. We are still holdin' Junebug up by his arms, and the cop is close enough that when he tries to point at us, it's an easy matter for us to move Junebug sideways in front of his hand ... then let go!

Unless you are watchin' real close at the right moment, this looks exactly like the cop took a poke at Junebug and decked him!

Realizin' the already tense nature of the situational, this is a little like beatin' on a blastin' cap with a hammer.

The MP starts to reach for the cop, but I get there first ... mostly 'cause I know what is comin' and have a head start.

"Let me!" I sez, then I do somethin' I've been waitin' to do all my life.

I lay my best punch on a cop ... in front of witnesses!