M.Y.T.H. Inc. In Action

Chapter Fourteen:

"You countermanded me on whose authority?"

-POPE JOHN

"THAT'S QUITE SOME babe you got there."

I shoot a sideways glance at Snake when he sez this, but his manner seems as respectful as his tone, so I decide he is sincere and not tryin' to be sarcastic.

"She's okay." I sez, noncommittal-like.

Realizin' we are in trouble with the Mob, it does not seem like the best idea to seem too close to Spyder.

"So what happened to her hair?"

"I think she likes it that way," I shrugs. "Who knows with broads. Of course, it looked better before the army cropped it short."

"That reminds me of a joke I heard once," Nunzio sez. "It seems this guy takes an alligator, then cuts off its nose and tail, and paints it yellow ..."

"You know," Snake interrupts, "while we were looking for you, she was asking me about joining the Mob after her enlistment is over."

I realize now why Snake is bein' so talkative. He is checkin' politely to see if either Nunzio or me has any claim on Spyder ... professionally or personally. This is understandable, for while I do not think he is afraid of us, every guy knows that messin' with another guy's moll—or, in the Mob, his recruit—is apt to be considered a challenge, so it is wisest to check things out carefully before proceedin'. While it is not exactly gettin' permission, havin' the courtesy to ask is a good way to avoid blunderin' into somethin'; thereby avertin' hurt feelin's, not to mention needless bloodshed.

"She's got her own mind," I sez cautious-like. "Of course, she was askin' me and Nunzio the same thing a week ago, so we was kinda figurin' to sponsor her if it came to that."

"Okay, got it," Snake nods. "Of course, that depends on where you guys are going to be in the future."

He sez this easy enough, but it is a cold reminder of the realities of our situational. He is actin' friendly, like has no grudge against us other than, perhaps, professional rivalry. There is no doubt in our minds, however, that if Don Bruce gives him the word to whack us, he will do his best to carry out that order.

"Speaking of our future," Nunzio sez, "where are we going?"

I have a pretty good idea of the answer from the direction we have been walkin', and Snake confirms it.

"Back to Abdul's Sushi Bar and Bait Shop," he sez. "Or, as Guido here would say, the scene of the perpetration."

"Snake," I sez, drawin' myself up a little, "are you tryin' to make fun of the way I talk?"

"Me?" he sez, all innocent-like. "Heavens no. I've always admired your command of the language, Guido, as does everyone else in the Mob I know. Besides ..."

We have reached the doorway of our goal, but he pauses briefly to finish his sentence.

"I ... certainly wouldn't want to offend anyone as tough as you ... or you either, Nunzio. By the way, I love your new outfits. They really show off your legs, know what I mean?"

Now, I have been expectin' some kinda wisecrack about our uniforms ever since Snake stepped out of the shadows. It is oblivious to me, however, why he has waited until now to mouth off, as it allows him to duck through the door before we can reply by beatin' his head in ... which is exactly what he does, leavin' us little choice but to follow him in.

"There they are now. Come in, boys! Come in!"

The scene which greets us can be taken in at a glance, but what that glance shows is none too promisin'.

The place is a wreck, with overturned and broken tables and chairs scattered everywhere. I had known we made a bit of a mess in the course of the altercation I mentioned earlier, but whilst it was in progress my attention was much more occupied with inflictin' damage on people whilst avoidin' receivin' damage from the same, so I had not been takin' close note of what was happenin' to the place itself. Lookin' at it now without the distractin' activity, however, it is clear that housekeepin' is gonna have their work cut out for them.

Don Bruce is leanin' against the bar drinkin' wine from one of the few remainin' bottles ... drinkin' directly from the bottle as there are no unbroken glasses remainin' that I can see. Though his greetin' was real friendly, there is no pretendin' that this is a social call, as scattered around the room, leanin' against the wall in the absence of chairs, is no less than half a dozen Mob goons.

"Hi guys! Come join us!"

This comes from Tananda who is standin' on one side of Don Bruce. She has dumped her disguise for the occasion, but is wrapped in Don Bruce's lavender coat. While he maybe doesn't care for females the way Nunzio and me do, Don Bruce is always the finest of gentlemen when it comes to dealin' with them. Standin' next to him on the other side, is ...

"That's the ones! Those are the guys that busted up the place! I thought I was paying you for protection!!"

Frumple is there. For a minute I think he's dropped his disguise as well, but then I realize that he's still disguised as a local and that his face is bright red 'cause he's hoppin' mad.

"All right, all right!" Don Bruce sez, soundin' a little annoyed. "We'll consider that a firm identification. Just get your place fixed up and send us the bill...#8226; better still, give us a list of what you need in supplies and repairs. We can maybe get you some discounts from the distributors and contractors ... know what I mean?"

"I should think so," Frumple snorts, reachin' for the wine bottle.

"In the meantime," Don Bruce sez, movin' the bottle out of his reach, "why don't you take a little walk or something. There are a few things I want to discuss with the boys here."

The Deveel hesitates for a second, then nods his agreement.

"All right," he sez, but he shoots us a black look as he starts for the door. "I should have known that double-crossing Skeeve was behind you two ... I suspected it from the start. Him and this floozie of his ..."

"Hold it!!"

Don Bruce's voice cracked through the place like a whip, and I knew Frumple had made a mistake ... a bad mistake.

"What did you just say about Skeeve? ... And Miss Tananda here?"

The goons have come off the wall and are startin' to drift forward.

"I ... um ... that is ..." the Deveel sez, lookin' around desperate-like.

"Perhaps you should consider being a bit more careful in your selection of words when describing an associate of mine ... or a lady who is a personal friend and present at the time."

"Well ... you see ..." Frumple tries, but the Don isn't finished yet.

"I've reconsidered my settlement offer," he sez. "I don't think that fixin' this place up again will do ... considering the damage to your reputation. I think we'll have to set you up in a whole new place."

This confuses the Deveel, but he is scared enough to remember his manners.

"That's nice of you," he sez. "But I don't think ..."

"... On Deva!" Don Bruce sez, droppin' the other shoe.

For a second Frumple's eyes snap wide open. Then he turns on us like a cornered rat.

"You ... you gave me your word!" he screeches. "You said you wouldn't tell anyone ..."

"They didn't have to tell me nothin'." Don Bruce snaps. "I got ears in a lot of places ... includin' the Bazaar."

"But I can't go back there!"

"I know that, too," Don Bruce sez cold-like. "Still, that's our offer. Either we set you up on Deva ... or you stay right here and pay for your own repairs. Take it or leave it."

Now, I hadn't known that Don Bruce knew that Frumple was a Deveel, just like I was unaware that the Deveel was unwelcome in his own dimension for some reason. My surprise, however, was nothin' compared to Frumple's reaction. He looks like he's in shock.

"I ... I can't go back there," he manages to repeat, finally.

"Good. Then it's settled." Don Bruce is suddenly friendly again. "Now why don't you go ahead and take that walk ... and by the way ..."

The Deveel turns to find the Don starin' at him real hard-like.

"... Remember what I said ... I got ears in a lot of places. If you start runnin' off at the mouth, or do anything to give Skeeve, Miss Tananda, or the boys here any grief, I'll hear about it. Remember that. Now, get outta here."

Frumple slinks off, and as soon as he's gone. Don Bruce jerks his head at the goons.

"You boys take a walk, too," he sez. "What we got to talk about is private ... and Snake?"

"Yes, Boss?"

"Keep an eye on that joker, will you? Make sure he doesn't talk to anyone ... 'cause if he tries, I'm afraid he might have a little accident. Know what I mean?"

"Got it, Boss," Snake says, and follows the others out into the night.

"Well, boys," Don Bruce sez, turnin' to us at last. "Now that we're alone, I think it's about time we had us a little talk."

He is real friendly as he says this, but as you yourselves can see from the preceedin' incident with Frumple, this is not as reassurin' as it would appear. It occurs to me that I would not like to sit in on a Dragon Poker game with Don Bruce, as he would doubtless make you a friendly loan so's you could keep playin' while at the same time havin' a whole extra deck of cards hidden in his lap.

"Miss Tananda here was just tellin' me about your current operation ..."

"That's right," Tananda sez. "Don Bruce didn't ..."

... and realizing, as you have just heard, that I pride myself in being informed" the Don continues, talkin' right over Tananda ... which is a bad sign, "it was a little embarrassing to have to admit my ignorance until your little friend came to me this evening for help. Now, what I want to know is ..."

"What are you doing operating in the kingdom of Possiltum ... especially considering the agreement we made?"

"Agreement?" Tananda sez in a small voice.

"That's right," Don Bruce sez, turnin' to her. "You weren't around at the time, but way back when I first met Skeeve, we made a deal and I gave him my personal word that the Mob wouldn't move on the kingdom of Possiltum."

"But what does that ..."

"... and since Skeeve ... and through him, all of you ... are now on the Mob's payroll as employees, your presence here is breakin' my word. Capish?"

"I see," Tananda sez, glancin' over at us with new understandin'. "But tell me, Don Bruce, if the Mob isn't operating in this kingdom, then what are you doing taking protection money from merchants like Frumple? In fact, what are you doing here at all?"

This is a good question, and one which has not occurred to me ... though I suspect I know the answer. The Don has enough grace to look a little embarrassed, though, when he gives it.

"All this is from before I gave my word," he sez. "I never said we was going to give up the operations we already had in place."

"Hmmm ..." Tananda frowns, "it sounds like a pretty fine distinction to me."

Of course, the Mob makes a lot of money from such fine distinctions ... but this does not seem like the time to bring it up.

"That may be," Don Bruce sez, his voice hardenin' up again. "But it's beside the point. I'm still waiting to hear what you're doing here!"

"Oh that," Tananda smiles. "Well, you see ... umm ..."

Though Tananda is no slouch at Dragon Poker and is actin' very confident, I can see she is stuck and trying to bluff.

"Relax, Tananda," Nunzio sez, speakin' for the first time since we came in. "I can explain it."

"You can?" I sez, slippin' a bit in my surprise.

"Sure," my cousin insists, lookin' at me hard like he does when I'm supposed to be ready to provide him with an alibi.

"All right, Nunzio," Don Bruce sez, settlin' back against the bar, "start talking."

"Well, you see, Don Bruce," Nunzio sez, "the Boss is unhappy with the agreement you referenced regarding the Mob's relationship with Possiltum."

"Oh he is, is he?" the Don snarls, but Nunzio holds up a hand and continues.

"The way it is." he sez, "is the Boss figures that circumstances have arisen which neither of you took into account in the original negotiation ... specifically, the new expansion policy that's pushing the borders out."

"Go on," Don Bruce sez, but he's nodding now.

"The spirit of your agreement was that the Mob wouldn't infringe on the kingdom's territory, but the way if s going, the kingdom is pushing into the Mob's territory. What's more, the letter of your agreement is keeping the Mob from protecting what's ours."

"So I noticed," the Don sez, sarcastic-Iike.

"Now, the Boss doesn't think this is right. What's more, he feels personally responsible since it was his sloppy negotiating for the kingdom that has placed you in this predicament. The problem is that as he is now working for the Mob and not for the kingdom, he is not in a position to renegotiate the terms to make things right again."

"Yeah," Don Bruce sez thoughtful-like, "I can see that."

"Now, you may not know it, Don Bruce," Nunzio continues, "but the Boss thinks the world of you and would never do anything to hurt you or your reputation. Because of this, and because he feels responsible for your current difficulties, he has taken it upon himself to correct the situation by mounting a covert operation to halt the kingdom's expansion. In fact, the reason he has been keeping this secret from you is for a little extra insurance. This way, if anything goes wrong, you can swear under oath that you knew nothing about it, and certainly never took a hand or gave an order against Possiltum. What he's doing, Don Bruce, is setting himself up to be a scapegoat ... all to take the pressure off you!"

While I am occasionally less than complimentary when referrin' to Nunzio's long-winded tendencies, there are times when I am truly grateful for his talent for shovelin' ... like now. Even bein' as aware as I am of the truth of the matter, that the Boss has probably overlooked his agreement with Don Bruce completely when givin' us this assignment, I am not sure I could separate fact from guff in my cousin's rendition, even with the aid of a pry bar.

"That Skeeve!" Don Bruce laughs, hittin' the bar with his fist in his enthusiasm. "Can you see why I love him? He's really trying to do all this on his own ... just for me? I'll tell you, boys ..."

He glances around, then hunches forward before continuin'.

"You have no idea how much grief the other Mob bosses have been giving me because of that agreement. Especially the boss of the Island Mob."

"You mean Don Ho?" I sez.

"That's right," Don Bruce nods. "Even the boss of the senior citizens' Mob ... Don Amechie! They've all been on my case. I'm just surprised that Skeeve was aware of it. I keep telling you, that boy's got real promise. You know what an organization as big as ours needs the most?"

"Leadership," Nunzio and me answer at the same time.

"Lead ... Hey! That's right!" the Don sez, blinkin' at us in surprise. "You know, you boys have been shaping up pretty well yourselves since you started working for Skeeve. Maybe I should start giving some thought to setting you up with your own operations."

It occurs to me that this promotion thing is gettin' totally out of hand.

"Ummm ... We're pretty happy with things the way they are, Don Bruce." I sez, quick-like.

"Yeah," Nunzio chimes in. "We figure the way things are going, the Boss is gonna need all the help we can give him."

"Hmmm ... I suppose you're right," the Don sez, makin' us both a little uncomfortable with how unwillin' he seems to give up the idea of advancin' us in the ranks. "Tell you what, though, like Skeeve says, I can't take an open hand in this thing you got going, but if you want I can assign a few boys to give you a hand!"

A picture flits across my mind. A picture of me tryin' to sleep, much less operate, with Snake loiterin' about in the near vicinity.

"I ... don't think so," I sez. "we're pretty used to workin' with the crew we got already. Besides, any of the boys you assigned to us would have to enlist ... and there's no guarantee where they'd get assigned."

"... And most of them would quit before they'd be seen in public in those outfits you're wearing," Don Bruce laughs, winkin' at Tananda. "Yeah. You got a point."

Me and Nunzio force smiles, which is as close as we can manage to joining in the merriment.

"Well, be sure to let me know if there's anything I can do to help."

"Sure, Don Bruce."

"Thanks, Don Bruce."

"Oh yeah! One more thing. How's Bunny doing?"

"Bunny?" Tananda sez, comin' off the bar like a prizefighter. "That little ..."

"Sure! You remember Bunny," I interrupts quicklike. "Don Bruce's niece who's workin' with us?"

"Oh! Right!" Tananda blinks, and settles back again. "She's working out real well, Don Bruce," Nunzio supplies hurriedly. "In fact, right now she's holding down our office while we're out in the field."

"Yeah, right," Don Bruce waves. "But how is she getting along with Skeeve?"

Even though we can maybe snow him from time to time, the Don is pretty quick, and he catches our hesitation and glances at Tananda.

"Say ... you aren't interested in Skeeve yourself, are you. Miss Tananda?"

Tananda thinks for a second, then wrinkles her nose.

"Not really," she sez. "I guess he's kind of like a kid brother to me."

"I see," Don Bruce nods. "Well, as a favor to me, could you take Bunny under your wing, too? She likes to talk tough and comes on like she's real experienced and worldly, but inside she's still just a kid. Know what I mean?"

In response, Tananda just nods slow-like. To my eye, she seems less than thrilled with the idea ... especially after hearin' how serious Don Bruce takes promises.

"You know how the Boss is when it comes to dames," I sez, quick-like. "Slower'n a bail bondsman what's been stung three times runnin'."

I am tryin' to draw attention away from Tananda, but the Don is ignorin' me and starin' at her instead.

"Say ... are you okay?" he sez, misreadin' her signals. "It looks like you've been takin' more than your share of lumps in this operation."

"I'm just a little tired," she sez, flashin' a quick smile. "You're right, though. I'm not getting any younger, and I'm not sure how many more nights like this I can take."

"Why don't you head on back to Big Julie's and hook up with Chumley?" I sez. "We're gettin' transferred out of here, and there's not much you'll be able to do on your own realizin' the shape you're in."

'Transferred?"

"That's right," Nunzio sez. "We've been promoted and transferred to headquarters. It seems the Mob isn't the only ones who can spot leadership potential."

As an indication of the physical and nervous stress of the night we have been through, I do not have the energy to even think about throttiin' him.