Men At Arms

28

This mushroom actually exists. The Latin name translates quite literally to “Shameless penis”. In English its common name is “Stinkhorn fungus”, and it has been described to me as a large, phallus-shaped, pallid, woodland fungus smelling very strongly of rotten meat, and usually covered with flies. “Once experienced, never forgotten”, as my source puts it.

Another mushroom expert subsequently mailed me a long, detailed description of the toadstool’s appearance, which I’m not going to include here. Suffice it to say that it’s full of phrases like “yellow, glutinous goo”, “the head exudes a black slime” and “I’ve smelled these from 50 paces on a still day”.

And no, the Phallus Impudicus is not edible.