Monkey Business

jamie’s muse makes him miserable

Thursday, March 11, 11:38 a.m.

I finish my Operations midterm and hand it in. “Have a great week, Professor Sholtz.”

“Thanks, Jamie. You, too.”

And that’s it. Another half a semester gone. Three-eighths of my postcollegiate education is over.

Layla is still scribbling away with furious intensity as I pass her on my way out. She’s shaking her head angrily as she always does during a midterm, which is her way of claiming that she failed.

Yeah, right.

Now, how to enjoy my next week? Oh, right. Torturing myself with visions of Layla screwing Kermit. And looking for a job. I’m excited by the idea of working for a movie studio. I don’t know what it is about Layla. I think she might be my muse. Before I met her, everything seemed like a waste, a joke, and now I want to do something with my life. Make something of myself. Partly to impress her, but mostly because she makes me want to be a better man. Where’s that line from? Oh, As Good As It Gets. See, I’m made for the movies!

I pretend to use the Internet terminals in the hallway while I wait for Layla to finish writing her exam. Ten minutes later, I spot her and wave.

“I failed,” she says.

“Sure you did.”

“I didn’t have time to finish! How could he give us only an hour and a half to answer eleven questions? It’s absurd.” She’s wearing her hair in a high bun, and tendrils are framing her face.

“Absurd.”

She laughs and leans against the terminal. “I have to pack.”

“What time are you leaving?”

“As soon as I can.”

“Last chance to spend the week here with me. It’s going to get crazy here at the Zoo.”

She laughs again. Thinks I’m kidding. Thinks I don’t really want her to stay. She pats me on the head and says, “You sure you don’t want to go home? It’s going to be lonely here. Do you know that Kimmy and Russ are going to Montreal?”

“Quiet will be good for me. It’ll make me focus. So tell me, how’s Kermit?”

“So far so good. He’s the type of guy I could fall in love with.” She shivers. “Saying that out loud just scared the crap out of me.” She kisses me on the cheek. “I must go pack. Your job over the vacation is to find yourself a career. Got it?”

“Got it.” I watch her and her bag roll away and I feel like crying.