Mortal Danger

DAMNED IF YOU DO

Kian burst through the door with a panicked look, as if Wedderburn might be doing something unspeakable to me. “I’m here,” he said, breathless.

I turned, aware we were on shaky ground. Without being sure where he’d been, I couldn’t even lie to cover for him. And Wedderburn knew it. Still, I put my hand out and Kian took it. His fingers were cold beyond bearing, and they trembled in my grasp.

“Sorry to trouble you. Are you done, Edie?” His urgent tug on my hand said I was.

In coming to headquarters, I’d intended to ask about Kian, but now that he was here, it was impossible. So I nodded. “Thanks for your kind words about my mother.”

As Wedderburn nodded in dismissal, Kian dragged me out of the office and toward he elevator. He was on the verge of a full collapse, something I’d never seen before, and I didn’t resist when he zoomed me past Iris and out to the car. He wasn’t parked in the underground garage; we speed-walked several blocks and he wouldn’t answer any question I asked until we were inside the Mustang.

“Seal it up,” I ordered.

Fortunately, he did, or we would’ve had our first real fight. I made a mental note to ask where he’d gotten a new tin of the stuff, but there were more important issues to discuss. He was shivering so hard that I wasn’t sure he should drive, but when I said so, Kian shook his head. “H-have to get you away from there. Give me five minutes.”

My trepidation increased with his silence, but eventually, he pulled over and rested his head on the steering wheel. Confused and feeling helpless, I rubbed his back. He was the stubbornest person I ever met, and the only solution was to wait him out. A few minutes later, he straightened and reached inside his jacket and silently passed me a packet of papers.

“What’s this?”

“It’s faster if you just read it.”

“Okay. But afterward, you have some serious explaining to do.”

“I will, I promise.”

These pages had the look of official documents, stamped and coded in a system I didn’t recognize. The words themselves were clear; this was a contract, ordering the death of one Mildred Kramer, signed by K. Wedderburn and witnessed by S. Mawer. I read it over three times, but it didn’t make any sense.

“Why?”

Kian handed me another file, marked Acquisitions. I understood now why he had been so eager to get out of the building. When he said he had something to do, he was spying for me. My stomach churned with sick dread as I skimmed this dossier. A lot of it was hard to interpret, having to do with eddies and currents, but this phrase seemed unmistakable.

In Edith Kramer’s optimum timeline, her mother dies. She works alongside her father to complete the project. All research shows that the outcome hinges on that pivotal event.

“It’s time travel,” I said, suddenly sure. “That was the project my mom and dad were working on when she—” I couldn’t finish the sentence.

But Kian was nodding. “I think you’re right.”

“But … that doesn’t even make sense. They’re using technology my dad and I develop right now. How can they use something I haven’t invented yet?”

“Wedderburn made a deal with an immortal who has temporal powers. From what I hear, it was expensive, so he wanted his own method of mucking about in the time stream.”

“So he went forward, stole our tech, and brought it back for his own use in the game.”

“Pretty much. And now he has make sure you stay on the right path, or this whole version of the universe will be wiped out.”

“Jesus. No pressure.” Now I was shaking, too.

“It’s not like the world would end, Edie. Not for everyone else. Things would just … shift, like two steps to the right or something.”

“After all the mystery, it’s a relief to know what’s waiting for me. But … to make sure he wins and I remain a viable piece in play, Wedderburn had my mother killed.” I curled one hand into a fist. “And then he said he was sorry.”

He looked as if he wanted to reach for me, but he feared how I would react. “I had no idea, I swear.”

“I know. You’re a pawn, like me.”

At that, he shook his head. “Not even that. Not anymore.”

“What do you mean?”

“The other night, you said you couldn’t take this. I know how much you want out. You remember how I said Raoul stole an artifact and disappeared?”

“Yeah.”

Calmer, Kian put the car into gear. “I lied to you, Edie.”

“About what?” I couldn’t look at him, tracing the edge of the dash. Maybe I’d rather not know; I couldn’t lose my one true thing, not now.

“When I said I was taking those classes in hopes of figuring out how to win my freedom? That’s bullshit. I’ve only ever been looking for a way out … for you.”

“I don’t like where this is going.”

“So in my Religion and Magic class, the professor mentioned a protective icon. Most of the class sleeps through his digressions, but I took notes. And then I searched the database at WM&G.”

“You found something?”

Kian nodded. “I tried to get it for you. It would’ve let you follow in Raoul’s footsteps, but … I failed. The security was too tight, so I grabbed those files instead. When Wedderburn finds out—”

“He’ll know you’re not loyal. Jesus, what have you done?” I got mad because I didn’t know what other emotion could serve, certainly not the tsunami of fear sweeping over me.

“It won’t be until tomorrow, I think, when he gets the reports. It would’ve been worth it if I had succeeded. I’m sorry.”

I took a second look at the file, but there was nothing about what had happened to the Teflon crew. Apparently, Wedderburn took me at my word when I declined. Maybe Kian was right when he guessed that Dwyer was trying to drive me crazy by hurting the people around me. There was nothing to confirm or deny the speculation, however, in these files.

“Then … we have one night left together. Just one.”

“You’ve given me so much more than I ever expected,” he said softly.

There had to be some way out of this maze, but my brain wasn’t firing on all cylinders. I fell silent, the closer we got to my place. How am I supposed to go upstairs, eat Japanese with my dad, and act like nothing’s wrong? I wanted to cry, break things, and scream until I had no voice left.

“There’s no point in hiding things from me anymore,” I mumbled. “So what did you promise in return for my safety? And who’s the third player?”

He smiled then. “You’re so persistent. I love that about you. Try not to feel sad about the situation with Wedderburn.” Such a stupid word for his imminent death, situation. “I didn’t have that long anyway.”

“Kian! For the last time, what did you promise? And to who?”

“My life,” he said simply. “When I made the compact with the Harbinger, he gave me until my twenty-first birthday. Six months with you, so worth it to be happy that long, knowing you’d be all right after I was gone.”

“Since you said that with a straight face, the world’s lucky you’re never serving on the Supreme Court because you’re definitely the stupidest person on the planet. How does this work? If Wedderburn executes you, won’t it cause problems with this Harbinger?”

The idiot actually grinned. “God, I hope so.”

“This isn’t funny! I won’t be okay if something happens to you. Don’t you get that?”

The weight of the look he aimed at me said when not if, but I couldn’t face it. “I won’t give up. I promised myself I never would again. There has to be something I can do.”

“Even if you could protect me from Wedderburn, my time will be up in six months.”

“If you don’t shut up, I will seriously punch you. Let me think.”

But no answers came to me. Kian had dug a grave and in the morning, Wedderburn would shove him into it. When he stopped outside my apartment, it was almost six, and I was barely choking back tears. I didn’t want to get out of the car, but I couldn’t make my dad worry, either. You’re all he has left.

“Here’s the plan,” I said. “I’ll have dinner with him, then go to my room like I usually do. I’ll text you.”

“You can call, if you want. I think we’ve reached that point in our relationship.”

“Stop it.” I hated that he could smile, but he seemed pleased with the fact that he’d drawn all the lines around me, just like he’d promised. And he’s fighting for you with his life.

Kian, no.

“Sorry I interrupted. You’ll text me…?”

“And you’ll pop in to get me. I want to spend the night at your place, but I don’t want to freak my dad out. You can bring me back in the morning.”

If he thought I was going to school, however, he was nuts. I’d stay only long enough to make sure my dad left for work. Whatever happened with Wedderburn, I’d go with Kian, and we would face it together. Surely I could fix this, somehow.

“If I was a better person, I’d say no. But I don’t want to spend my last night alone.”

This time I leaned over to kiss him, silencing the words that tunneled into my heart until I couldn’t feel anything but pain. This isn’t happening. This is not real. But like with my mother’s death, I didn’t wake. I got out of the car and went into our apartment, where I ate yakimeshi and pretended I wasn’t dying inside.

Dad talked about his work, and each unconscious pause told me he was waiting for my mother to chime in, responding to his theories. I did my best to fill her shoes, but I wasn’t sure I succeeded. It seemed improbable that I could ever invent anything that resulted in time travel. Around nine, my dad went to his room and shut the door. That was my cue to do the same.

In the master suite, I locked up and called Kian. “Come get me.”

He did.

Bittersweet memories assailed me, the first time he traveled with me like this. Tonight we could go anywhere and who would punish us? “Is there anything you want to see? Anywhere you want to go? There’s nothing preventing us now.”

To my surprise, he shook his head. “I only want to be with you. I’d run if I thought it would do any good, but they can track me through the watch. The thing only comes off if I die or Wedderburn removes it.”

“We could stop your heart.” I was only half kidding.

Weirdly, he appeared to consider it before shaking his head. “If you failed to bring me back, it’d eat you up. You can’t be the one who kills me, Edie.”

“I know,” I whispered. “But I can’t give up, either.”

“You’re unbelievably, fantastically determined to save me. Come here.” Lacing our fingers together, he led me to his bedroom.

The bed was neatly made with a navy-and-white-striped comforter, pillows propped up against the simple headboard. I didn’t hesitate when Kian drew me down with him. With every part of me, I wanted to be close, closer still. But he didn’t kiss me, as if he feared I’d misinterpret his intentions.

“Is this where you tell me it’s your last wish not to die a virgin?” Worst joke ever, but otherwise, I’d spent the next eight hours crying.

I can’t do that to him. I’ll use that time to think and to soak him in.

“What makes you think I would?”

“Ouch. I thought you said you don’t date.”

His lips quirked. “You think people have to date to hook up? That’s so cute.”

“Maybe you’re not the droid I’m looking for.”

He kissed the top of my head. “I wish I could say I never have, but—”

“No, it’s okay.”

“You can ask.”

“Do I want to know?”

“You’re the only one who can determine that.”

“Then I guess … yes. Tell me. Not how many, when or where.”

He settled me against his chest and turned on the TV, more for background noise. I liked his bedroom better than mine. “I got lost in the attention. Before, I was so nervous, and after, it was so easy. The first time I had sex, I’d only known the girl for like four hours.”

“And I bet it was magical,” I said drily.

“She was drunk and I was in a hurry. If she remembered more about it, I doubt she’d come back for seconds.”

“No offense, but that’s pretty gross.”

“I know. That’s why I didn’t do it again.”

“Is that why you haven’t pressed?” Kian had given me signs that he wanted me, and that it wasn’t easy to stop at times.

“No. I figured you’d tell me when the time was right. Before I made the deal to protect you, I had all the time in the world.”

I considered asking about the Harbinger, but did it really matter? One emergency at a time, and Wedderburn constituted the pressing problem. After I got him out of this mess, then we’d deal with the next crisis. Kian might’ve already accepted that he was terminal, but I’d do anything to save him. Too many people had already died because of me.

Part of me wanted to sleep with him, but with so much darkness looming and my mother’s death close at hand, I’d never recover if this was my first time. So I didn’t offer. Sex should be about love or pleasure, not sadness. Unless you listened to my dad, in which case, it should only be undertaken to save the world from a meteor. Or something.

I started, “I can’t—”

“I wouldn’t, even if you said yes.”

“Can we make out?”

“I’m willing to go that far.” His smile reached his eyes for the first time in months. This was the reason behind his emotional distance; now that I knew how far he’d gone for me, Kian could be himself again.

Kian slid onto his side and I faced him. This was different from kisses in a parked car or furtive moments on the sofa. He cupped my face in his hand as my lashes drifted down. Shards of glass slid in and out of my heart as I realized he’d given me my first kiss, and I might be giving him his last. His mouth brushed mine, once, twice. I laced my hands in his hair. He kissed me deep and deeper still, a lush sweetness blooming between us, more than chemicals, more than chemistry.

He ran his hands down my back, tugging me closer. His muscles felt lean and strong beneath my hands. Sex was a bad idea, but if he kept touching me, I’d soon be willing to make him my favorite mistake. As if he had the same thought, he buried his face in the curve between my neck and shoulder, breath coming in hot puffs.

“Hurts,” he managed. “How much I want you.”

“I know.” I had the same ache, growing stronger with each brush of his mouth.

With shaking hands, he held me to him. I wrapped my legs around his, only half knowing what I was doing. “Stop. Edie, stop.”

But neither of us did. It felt too good.

“Okay. Okay.” Kian muttered the words, trying to calm down, but I didn’t let go.

“This. Not sex, this.” And I moved, showing him what I wanted, what I could accept.

Our clothes were still on, and I couldn’t breathe for wanting him. He groaned as he rolled on top of me, giving in. It might not be enough for him, but for me—yes. Definitely. I shifted and rocked, until I shivered uncontrollably, unable to believe it could be this wonderful with all of my clothes on. His mouth was on mine, and he arched on top of me, breathing me in. One push, another, quick and convulsive.

“Jesus.” He scattered kisses all over my face.

“This is my promise to you. When I’m eighteen? We’ll revisit this subject.” Not sleeping with him was my way of keeping hope alive and proof that I didn’t accept his fate.

We held each other until it became necessary to clean up. For me that wasn’t a problem, but he showered and changed. His expression when he came out of the bathroom was priceless. Love flooded through me, though science might argue this was only a result of the endorphins.

Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love. Another Einstein saying, one of my favorites—and until this moment, I had no idea what it meant.

“You look pleased with yourself,” he mumbled.

“There are a ton of reasons why I shouldn’t be … but at the moment, they all seem really far away.”

“I know what you mean.” He padded to bed, barefoot, and snuggled me against his chest, my favorite place in the world.

As I listened to his heartbeat, a possible solution knocked at the edges of my brain, but I was exhausted. Epiphany danced around the perimeter of my mind, refusing to coalesce. Kian ran his fingers through my hair, a sweet cycle that sent shivers through me. I kissed his shoulder; he made a delicious noise.

“Was that too much?” I asked.

“I wouldn’t have tried to get you to do that … but it was perfect. Are you okay?”

“No virginal remorse on my end. Hey…”

“Hm?”

“Since we watched Casablanca the other night, can we watch Notorious now? You said it’s your other favorite.”

Obviously pleased that I’d remembered, Kian got up to put in the DVD. “This is your chance, ask for anything. It’s impossible for me to say no to you right now.”

Don’t die. Don’t leave me.

But those were cruel favors to ask, not within his ability to grant. And those were the terms, right? What we ask will always be within your power to fulfill. The revelation brightened, like a new light bulb, and then it fizzled and winked out. Dammit. You’re supposed to be smart. Figure out how to help him. He’s in this mess because he cares so much about protecting you. And I couldn’t even get mad at him over it.

“Just the movie.”

“You probably think I’m weird for liking the oldies, huh?”

“No. But I’m curious what got you started on them.”

“Our housekeeper,” he answered, surprising me. “On Saturday nights, she always watched the late show, and I was a lonely kid. At first, it was mostly the thrill of staying up past my bedtime, but I came to love the classics as much as she did.”

“Do you still talk to her?”

He shook his head, and without him saying so, I realized that she was gone. Not like his mother, in and out of rehab. But gone. Like my mom. Rather than say something stupid, awkward, or insensitive, I scooted over, so he could sit next to me. The mattress dipped.

Kian put an arm around me, clicking play on the remote. Ingrid Bergman came to glorious life while Cary Grant was smooth, inscrutable, and charming. They both had undeniable glamour, maybe because I didn’t know about their cheating habits or their secret addictions. Beside me, Kian was smiling, lost in the movie, but every now and then, he kissed my temple, reminding me that we were together.

You are my one true thing, I thought. Always. In time, I might love someone else, if the worst came to pass. But he would never be Kian, and I hoarded these moments like a dragon on a pile of shimmering gold. We watched his favorite film until my eyelids grew heavy, and I drifted before I learned whether Devlin loved Alicia.

In my heart, I knew he did, even if he never said the words.