Most Wanted

Chapter Twelve

Christine didn’t get to talk to Lauren until later, when she’d gone up to bed early, teary and exhausted. She lay on top of the comforter in her T-shirt and sweatsuit, with Murphy sleeping with his head on her left arm and Lady curled under her right. She’d had to pee for the past hour but didn’t want to wake either of them up.

“I can’t believe he really said that.” Lauren’s tone was hushed.

“I can. He doesn’t want the baby.” Christine blew her nose, finishing her last ugly cry of the day. She tossed her Kleenex into the wastecan, which she kept next to the bed for morning sickness.

“He doesn’t mean it.”

“Yes he does.”

“Look, maybe we need to relax.” Lauren sighed. “You’re not the first couple in the world to be in different places when they get pregnant. You remember, the first time we got pregnant, Josh wasn’t ready.”

“But he came around. You both wanted the child. Marcus is not going to come around.”

“He has to.”

“No, he doesn’t. He can’t have a feeling he doesn’t have.” Christine reached for another Kleenex and dried her eyes, bucking up. She didn’t want to cry anymore. She was sick of feeling sorry for herself. She was working on a plan in the back of her mind.

“I hate that this happened to you guys.”

“Me, too.” Christine felt relieved that Marcus was out of town tonight. She needed the house to herself, and it was quiet, still, and dark except for the bedroom. A light summer rain fell outside, tapping at the roof and blowing the sheers from time to time.

“He gets that you’re not having an abortion?”

“Oh, he gets that all right.” Christine swallowed bitterly. She dropped her Kleenex into the wastecan.

“He didn’t really mean it. He was just exploring his options.”

“That’s what he said, but still.” Christine’s gaze found the TV across the room, playing CNN on mute, with closed captioning. The words ran across the screen in a red banner, SENATE DEMOCRATS ANNOUNCE A NEW EDUCATION INITIATIVE. She’d turned on the TV in hopes of seeing something about Zachary Jeffcoat, but so far, no luck. She realized that she had forgotten to tell Lauren about calling the reporter, there had been so much to tell to bring her up to speed.

“So what do you do now?”

“I decided to go see his lawyer. I don’t really have another choice. I want to know if our donor is Jeffcoat, and I have to work with Marcus.” Christine hesitated, then confided her deepest fear. “I don’t know what happens with him and me, going forward. I mean, Lauren, is my marriage in trouble?”

“No! Don’t get crazy. You guys love each other. You don’t even fight. Josh and I have couple-envy.”

Christine couldn’t smile. “The thing is, we’re not fighting, even now. We just have really different views, and that’s a lot worse. How can I ask him to parent a child he can’t love? How can a marriage sustain that? And no child deserves to be born into a family like that. I went through hell to have this child. So did he.”

“Right, he had that TESA operation, where they opened up his balls.” Lauren groaned.

“We wanted a baby. This was the most wanted child in the world. But not to him, anymore. He already believes that a tendency to violence is hereditary, and he’s going to find a doctor to tell him that.” Christine knew that Marcus was so proactive, he was probably making the phone calls in the airport, trying to find another genetics counselor. “Even so, let’s say he comes around. Do I really want a husband who’s half-interested? Half-loving our baby?”

Lauren moaned.

“I want to be on the same page with him. I want us to be in this together, completely. That’s why I’m going to the lawyer. I mean, remember, there’s still a possibility that our donor isn’t Jeffcoat.”

“You want me to go with you to the lawyer? I want to. I’m free tomorrow. My kids are still in school, remember?”

“Okay, and I have my OB-GYN appointment tomorrow, too. I hear the heartbeat.” Christine had been looking forward to her first ultrasound, but that was tainted now. Marcus wouldn’t even be there, and she could hear the heartbeat of a baby he didn’t want.

“Oh, can I please go with you, too? You can’t hear the heartbeat for the first time all by yourself.”

“Aw, thanks, yes, come,” Christine answered, touched. “I still can’t believe this. It’s all happening so fast, it’s like everything went to hell in a handbasket in just one day.”

“Everything’s going to be okay, honey.”

“You think?” Christine wanted to believe her, but didn’t. She checked CNN, where political pundits were arguing, and the closed captioning read REPUBLICANS BACK NEW JOBS BILL.

“Yes, I do. You guys are too good together.”

“We used to be. I don’t want to sue Davidow, but I feel like it’s the only way I can make Marcus happy. The way I look at it, I’m trying to save my marriage.” Christine swallowed hard, feeling a wrench in her chest.

“This is not going to break up your marriage.”

“I don’t want a divorce. I love my husband. I do.”

“I know you do,” Lauren said, warmly.

“But I’m not giving up on this baby,” Christine said, meaning it, too.

“Hang in. Let’s see what the lawyer says.”

“Right, because lawyers are always so helpful.”

And they both laughed.