Muriel

CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE

Deirdre's Day-Book

A week having passed since I visited Eveline, I decided to call upon her again. Intuition must have led me there. Oh, what a tizzy she was in! My suspicions as to Maurice and Maude were not unfounded after all. She had discovered them together in the summerhouse-foolish as they were to do it there, and these of course are my words and not hers.

Eveline sensed something as women do, pretended to go out and then went back. Not finding them in the house, she searched the grounds and saw all there was to see through a window of the garden-room. Maude, brazen as she is, was kneeling on the floor upon a mat, skirt up and no drawers on. Maurice was naked to his shirt and knelt behind her with his penis well embedded up between her bottom cheeks.

'My god, they were enjoying it', said Eveline, and wept. I had a mind to comfort her and smack her face at the same time-for what hypocrisy is here!

'Why, first of all you let him…', I began. She interrupted me and said, 'I know, I know. I was at fault. I thought that it would cure them in some wise-and so did you, my dear', she threw at me.

'Indeed, indeed', I said and sighed. I confess I had forgotten it was my idea, so much stirs in me nowadays.

As it appears, she marched straight in (and oh, the shock to both of them that must have been!), and just at the moment when Maurice was close upon his climax, too. Indeed, despite alarms he did not even stop, she says! Maude squealed and tried to pull away. He would not have it so and held her in, and even gritted out to Eveline, 'My love-come here!'

'Did you?', I asked. I tried to make a joke of it. Alas, she was not in the mood.

'You are on their side!', she declared, and fell into hysterics then, but calmed after I kissed and comforted her. She had stood there but for a moment, then walked out again and locked the house on them for several hours- forbade the servants even to open up to them.

This happened just the day before. Since then there has been silence in the house, Maude's bedroom door locked every night by Eveline (I did not tell her I have done the same with Richard, too) and Maurice despatched to a guest room to sleep.

Strange as the turns of life may be, I decided on the spot what I would do. That is to say, I shall go home- and take Maude with me, I told Eveline. Her eyes lit up. Her whole expression changed.

'Oh, Deirdre, will you do this for me? Yes!', she burst. Maude was upstairs 'in hiding' all the time. Bold as she may be with Maurice, she shows no effrontery with her Mama, and came down cautious as a cat who thinks that danger lurks somewhere.

'Maude, I understand that you would like to have a holiday', I said. She blinked. I noticed that she did not sit, and realised the discipline that Eveline has her under. Hands twisting, she stood quiet, and so I told her of my intentions, couching each phrase somewhere in-between commands and quite polite requests. She could stay for several months, I said-would like the countryside, would have good friends in Amy, Sylvia and Richard, too. Her eyes glinted a little at his name. It shall not be, though, as she thinks.

We leave on Friday. Meanwhile I have written and told Phillip so-also have sent a note to Muriel and Sylvia. How wonderful to be among my own things once again! I am more determined than I was before to have things my way. Phillip must respond to me or he will have his own bed just as Maurice has-though I do not think in Eveline's case that that will last for long. She will forgive him once Maude is away.

'Deal with her kindly, will you not?', asked Eveline anxiously. Her mood turned when she knew what was to be.

'You can have parties now again', I said.

'Perhaps. I think our lives have changed now, Deirdre'.

I think not-not in the long run. Leopards do not change their spots. Shall I?

Muriel's Day-Book

Deirdre to return! I am surprised at that. I had a note by messenger today-and such a ride he had of it. Two days upon the road. We paid the fellow well and lodged him in an inn. Jane says that I am growing soft The second criticism she has made of me. I hope we are not getting quarrelsome.-'So much has changed', says Deirdre, and I wonder what she means?

Phillip is beside himself upon the news, and Sylvia has such a guilty look that I had to spend an hour or two placating her. Her Mama would need to know nothing of her naughtiness, I said, at which she looked relieved. Jane was precipitate, as I thought she well might be. I did not interfere two nights ago when she took her into Phillip- not, thank heavens, in his study, but upon pretence that another gentleman had just arrived and was waiting in the stable.

Blindfolded she took her in, and Phillip bound-and blinded also by a cloth whereby he also could not see at all — was 'succoured', which for once is Jane's word and not mine. Only her lips, of course, assailed his manly tool. More timid at the first than Daisy was, Sylvia had to have her mouth pressed down upon it several times. Jane held her wrists behind her back and brought her to drink every drop of the warm sperm he jetted out.

'She recognised his groans, I think', said Jane.

'He ought now NOT to groan', I said, but must confess I felt a mischief in me that he had, and so revealed himself, for Sylvia will now think that he did it voluntarily.

'What did you tell her afterwards?', I asked of Jane. She shrugged and said, 'Oh, that it's nice to do it sometimes'. I had to tell the dear, sweet girl the same. We still must stand as one, must Jane and I.

'Suppose Mama finds out', said Sylvia, after a long and blushing silence from her.

'She will not, dear, unless you tell her so. There is a silent understanding in such things. She knows you have to do such lovesome things', I said with a feyness that amused myself. Mischief arose in me. I asked, 'Did it feel bigger than you think? You've felt it underneath your bottom sometimes, have you not? My goodness, Sylvia, when I was your age and was birched, I had it right between my bottom cheeks. I felt so hot, but it was nice. Young ladies must be exercised, you know, to keep them fit for all that lies beyond'.

'So, darling, keep your bottom up just as you do with us', said Jane and bussed and tickled her until she laughed.

I shall to Celia's today, and have told Jane who pouted and was quite put out. I have assured her that I will not stay, and that we two will go as soon as Deirdre comes.

“There are more adventures in the world beyond', she said a little wistfully.

Roger and Celia could visit us, I said. She relented and agreed to that. The chain may not be broken after all, but many of its links are weak. If Roger were not married I would settle down with him. If Celia were not married… Oh, my poor head goes around, around. Jane cannot wait to pack. I understand that very well. I understand too much, perhaps. That is the trouble with me now. My headlong, hot desires have gone a different way to what I thought.

Phillip's Day-Book

Release! Yet do I want it? That's the nub of it. I am to keep my drawers on, I am told. To Deirdre that will be an outward sign of my conversion to a 'nobler cause'.

My sisters stood before me just this afternoon. I feared assault-desired it-but it did not come. I was lectured as a child might be, then made to kiss their feet again. They took their shoes off, made me suck their toes, or rather simply bid me to. I did. I savoured woman-taste again. Deirdre will expect the same, they said. I have no doubt that they have told her all. I both fear and need her presence as much as I did theirs.

'You must learn to live with what you have. We may return, may not', said Muriel. Her tone was formal as- strangely enough-I wished. Jane, too, was moderate and did not raise her skirt nor tease my penis which is to remain a willing tool of love, they said.

'Now rise and say you will obey your wife and female kin', said Jane.

Obeying, I forced out the words, yet found them not as fearsome as they would have been. It is my role, my duty-that I understand. The world has changed for me and I for it.

'You will express your gratitude to Sylvia when she comes in tonight. No more than that. Just use those words and say them humbly to her when you stand', was Muriel's command to me.

I did not answer at the first and she asked sharply, 'Well?' Dear god, I wanted to be tied up again, to have them treat me as they did, but neither moved and merely stared me out. I felt the curtains closing on a play that once had tortured me, yet brings me now a sense of strange release-a bursting out from deep within myself. I who was a mountain, as I thought, the tower of strength within the family realm, have now become a molehill and see womankind anew.

'I want to lick you everywhere-the both of you', I said. The words burst out.

'Answer the question, Phillip! What you want is quite beside the point. Have we not surely taught you that?'

'You have, yes. I am sorry. Please forgive. I meant to say I would adore to lick you-only that-and then would wait upon commands. I will, yes, I will simply say to Sylvia that I…'

'Am grateful! Say it out! Add no more words than that. You understand?

That I am grateful. May I now, for the last time…”

'You may not, no. You have others to attend on now. Be patient, quiet, obey their words whatever they may be. Wait without hope, for hope there may not be. Wait upon love. Be doglike in their eyes. And that applies to Amy, too. You understand?'

'I understand.' The words were bitter aloes in my mouth, yet I knew myself to be as is a child whose pain is less than he pretends it is. I knew that they saw through me from their smiles. Then Muriel at last relented, made me kneel, raised up her skirts and clamped my ears between her thighs but would not let me lick beneath her quim, and nor would Jane who followed suit. I was inspected then, still kneeling as I was and quite bereft, the musky scents of them that stung my nostrils with desire. My penis, freed, reared up its glowing head. They would not touch it, though, would not. It quivered and the veins stood out.

'Make sure it does its work', said Jane. I had a feeling of too-tattered hope that she might stay within the room and 'deal with me'. Alas, they both went out and left me in my stance of penitence. How strangely, humbly, hopefully, I feel that my private parts no longer are my own! They belong to those who will command me now-and I their suitor, servitor and slave.

'Throw away your writings now. You have no need of them', said Muriel tonight. I thankfully destroyed them, yet may keep a secret diary of my own. A foxlike slyness has come over me. I shall read the day-books of the others when I can, and yet will keep a mask upon my face. A small, small victory will then be mine. I shall live two lives-yes, that's the trick of it. I shall be punished if they ever know, and that is what I know I need. O Deirdre's thighs… Will she know what to do?

Celia's Day-Book

A strange and sudden visit from Muriel who tried, as I did too, to keep herself composed and yet could not. She is departing! Oh the pain and yet the feeling of relief! We kissed, clung to each other, knew not how to be. Roger is teaching Daisy how to ride. The two had gone out earlier, she looking sweet in a new tricorne hat and a green velvet dress I bought for her.

'You may stay if you want', I said to Muriel. The words escaped my lips before I meant them, too.

'No-yes… I know not what to do!'. She wept. The stairs upwards to the bedroom drew us. O that they had not, for scarce had we undressed, lay down and fell to passionate caressing than Roger and Daisy came back home. Such startlements, such guilt! We sprang up naked, knew not what to do, our clothes pellmell upon the floor. Roger came up, but Daisy thankfully went to her room. My god, his eyes as he then saw us both!

'My loves!', he said, partly to my dismay that he should use the plural. Hard-nippled were our breasts. Brazen we looked.-'Oh god!', said Muriel, sat down upon the bed and wept. He had her nakedness before his eyes as well he did my own.

'Daisy!', I said and quickly locked the door.-'I must go!', said Muriel, snatched up her dress and was like a lost lamb. Roger was flushed and knew not how to be, nor I, though I flung my arms around his neck. Perhaps I tried to hide the sight of her. I thought he would get hard, but he did not. He had a look of some exhaustion on his face, from too much riding, I suppose.

'You love each other-that I understand', he said.

'You will never see me any more!', sobbed Muriel.

'She is leaving-going home', I said a little desperately.

'Yes', Roger said. He broke away from me, unlocked the door, was gone, and left us to our guilty thoughts. So hurriedly we dressed and then went down, and Muriel seized her cloak up straightaway and all was as a dream save that dear Roger smiled on us and said that all was well while Muriel declared that neither of us would see her anymore.

'Oh, what a nonsense! Celia will visit you, my dear, and I may, too, if I am so allowed'.

'Of course, of course', I said. Her smile broke through at that. We saw her off, waved to her carriage as she went. Daisy came running down and asked, 'Oh was that Aunty Muriel?'

It was, I said, but she could not stay long. Roger then went to see the horses groomed, so tactful is he. I much wanted then to be alone, and tidied up my bed lest Daisy see. Last night I gave him his well-won reward between my bottom cheeks at last. How lewdly did we talk when it was in!

'My love, my love', he panted on and on, and pumped me so majestically that all my guilt flew in that torrid bout, and I feel free at last and quite myself.

'You may do it next to Muriel', I said long moments after he had come. He did not answer, but he seemed content. He deserves all that I give to him-has been so faithful and so patient all the time. Besides, I may well do to her that which she did to me. I find new depths within myself the more I think of it.-'I want to make you cry', she said. How I would love to kiss her tears away!

Dare I tell Roger so? I wonder how he would react? I feel sure that when we visit her, I shall be more naughty than she was with me.

Deirdre's Day-Book

How curious it is that when we anticipate something, one tends to think, 'Yes, this is how I thought it would be', and at the same time also thinks the opposite!

Muriel and Jane were all prepared to leave. I sensed an undue haste in that, yet at the same time understood that they knew I wished to be alone with Phillip for a while.

How different he is! My goodness, he is quite another man, is timid, quiet, has lost his pompousness, and almost bowed to me when I came in! He kissed my hand and Amy's, too, which he has never done before.

'What have you done to him?', I asked Muriel, though more in joke than seriousness.-'We have taught him manners, dearest-taught him to comport himself with ladies as he should. Keep him in check', she told me, much to my surprise-and Phillip heard what we both said! I was bowled over, as men say, and asked him afterwards, when they had gone, if it were true.

'I have sinned', he said and kept his lips tight-pressed.

'Have you indeed!', I laughed. The old, old look came on his face, and yet it was not quite the same. There was a fearsomeness within his eyes I did not recognise from old. Muriel, of course, was very quiet. Richard behaved himself as quietly as he should and as I have now taught him he must be. Sylvia was shy, and Amy too. They ran upstairs together as girls will, and no doubt had too much to talk about! I wonder about that, but it cannot be helped. Amy will be discreet, I trust, and Richard dare not 'sleepwalk' with his father in the house.

Last night… I know not how to write about last night. Phillip stayed in his study and was quiet, and dinner was a mournful, almost silent thing. I knew I had to have it out with him. His mood is one of doglike watchfulness. Sylvia went in to bid him goodnight which I understood, for she must have made a habit of it now, and it is proper that she should. Amy must do the same in the future. We must be complete. I have an odd feeling I now must rule the house. Having handled Richard quite severely, it will please me to.

'Well?', I asked Phillip once he came to bed. He had gone into his dressing room to put his nightgown on, which he does but rarely, and today I found a pair of drawers in there, though hidden underneath a chair. I will tackle him on that, but for the nonce have found that Muriel was right. I wonder how she had a hand in this?

I asked him straightaway to tell me of his sins, for I dare not confess my own!

'I have mistreated you', he said and straightaway knelt down and kissed my feet.

'Phillip!', I gasped. In truth, I was not displeased. Would I forgive him, so he begged. I might, I said. I felt the strength of me as I had done with Richard when I spanked him hard. It may amuse me to do the same with Phillip now.

I would give thought to it, I said, and marvelled at the glorious feeling that I had. His prick was hard. I saw it when he rose, but out of mischief and revenge I pretended not to notice the projection underneath his night attire and said that I would sleep and think about our future on the morrow. In bed he did not try to touch me, but lay rigid-not in the old way but with a sort of humbleness that emanated like a cloud from him. Something has happened. What it is I do not know, and in the circumstances of my follies think it better that I do not ask. I know that in some way I have the upper hand-may take a lead from Eveline's book in the way she handled Richard first. As for him, the bad and wicked boy, I will have him up and lock the door and put him up to Maude. 'Twill do them good-will keep his hands away from Amy and from Sylvia. I mean to do it strictly, though-will have no looseness from him otherwise. He will see to her needs and his own and then they will behave themselves until the next time that I call them up.

Sylvia's Day-Book

How glad I am that dear Mama is back! What strangeness we have known, and I feel restless all the time. Aunt Muriel said that I would, and not to curb my instincts if I wanted to be naughty on the quiet.

Papa is very quiet still. I am glad of that. When I went to say goodnight to him, he straightaway stood up again. He asked me where Mama and Amy were. They both were in their rooms, I said, had shut their doors. I wanted to say that. I thought of what had happened in the stable and I almost blushed, but Aunt Jane said that I shouldn't now. I did guess when I heard him groan that time. Oh what a lot I swallowed, too!

Papa said next that he was very grateful to me, so I thought he read my thoughts! I didn't mind, I said, though then I thought that if he had not read my thoughts, then perhaps it was the wrong thing that I said. I said to him to sit. Aunt Muriel said I MUST say that. His face went awfully funny, but he did. I wanted to be kind, so sat upon his lap again and talked of dear Mama and Amy, too. I mentioned Richard just a little bit. I have a feeling Mama is put out with him. I 'spect that he was rude to her. He can be very brash at times.

Papa just listened to me, did not speak. Aunt Muriel said that when men are silent, that is good! Papa, though, was not always so. I think she lectured him and made him shy. A part of him, though, wasn't shy. I felt it underneath my bottom all the time and wriggled just to make it 'fit', as Aunt Jane said I should. It got so big!

Papa got flushed. I thought that he might birch me, but he never has. He asked Rose if she'd got her drawers on once! I think he's very naughty, too.

Daisy's Day-Book

I think Mama is being naughty! Perhaps it always happens with grown-ups. I heard a little what they said when Aunty Muriel was here. When Papa went downstairs I crept along and listened at the door and heard Mama say to her, 'Quickly, we must dress!' Oh goodness, he had seen them both undressed! Perhaps, though, Aunty Muriel was trying on a gown. I wish I knew, but cannot ask Papa.

Sylvia has invited me to stay with her-and her Mama is back! Papa says he will take me over there. I wonder if we'll stop awhile halfway? Mama wishes very much to know what Sylvia's Mama is like, so I will have to tell her everything of that. Papa is anxious that I do not say too much. He goes very late to bed now, sometimes when Mama's asleep, and then we have a lovely 'chat' which leaves me feeling very sticky in the end! I daren't, oh daren't, tell Sylvia. I hope she doesn't try to tease it out of me like her two aunties did, oh dear!

Deirdre's Day-Book

What a charming man is Roger, and how sweet young Daisy is! She has that look of innocence that Sylvia has. Long may they keep it so, and yet…

Phillip amuses me. I frigged him last night while he lay quite still. Occasionally he groaned. I shushed him when he did and he obeyed, save for some whimperings. Finally I rolled upon him, sheathed his cock and rode him as I wanted to-and O the sense of mastery it gave! The lamb, he did not even jerk the while I slewed my cunny up and down.

An inspiration struck me. I could not resist. He had not come as yet. I rested, gripping him within, my nipples sharp upon his chest, my thighs fully weighted down upon his own.

'Have you been taught so? Tell me, Phillip', I commanded.

'Yes', he moaned.

'By Muriel? And Jane, perhaps? Come, Phillip, tell me, for I too have sinned'.

'Forgive me! Humble as I am, I have. They made me, Deirdre. First they…'

'Shush! I do not wish to know. Obedience is all for you henceforth. Obey myself and both the girls, and all will follow'.

Why I said the latter I will never understand, save that it seemed to set the seal upon his strange and craven attitude. Perhaps I thought he might adopt a sterner attitude towards them, seeking compensation in that wise, though I could not imagine it of him.

'I will, I will, I will obey you all!' Such was his cry and then he came and jetted his abundance deep within my slit, I sucking strongly with my cunnylips till all was done and the last pearls were spent.

Today though-ah! — Daisy's Papa asked me to show him round the grounds. Much taken with him, as I felt myself to be, we viewed the shrubbery, the lawns, the flowers, then strolled as if with one mind to the summer-house. The door closed, and I felt a girlishness upon me, but too late. Strong were his arms about me, warm his lips.

'Upon such brief acquaintance, sir?', I laughed.

'Given that it may be a lengthy one', he smiled and led me slowly to the waiting couch, swept up my dress without ado and tickled me delightfully between my legs.

'The girls! Beware in case they come-or even Phillip might', I breathed. His stiff prick touched my knuckles as we lay. I turned my hand and felt its length and girth. My fingers sought his buttons even as I spoke.

'I sent them to his study to discourse with him and told them to amuse themselves, my dear. I have a feeling that may take a little time'.

'Roger! What do you mean?', I gasped, and yet withal I laughed despite myself and arched my back to let him loose my drawers, had in a vision Phillip lying all quiescent with his prick in my nest, saying 'I will, I will, I will!'

The devil take me-I am lost again, should write no more, should write no more. This is a house of secrets now.