Natural Causes

TAKE IT OR LEAVE IT

by Axel Devlin

July 6

Dateline: Crunchy Granola General, a.k.a. the Medical Center of Boston (MCB). At a news conference attended by just about everybody in the city with a microphone, Glenn Paris, a.k.a. California Dreamin', let the public in on the latest tribulation to befall his once-august institution of healing. It seems MCB obstetrics patients, THREE OF THEM that we know of, have developed a horrible bleeding disorder called DIC. One of those poor souls lost her arm. The other two lost their lives. And all three of their unborn children died before they could be birthed. FIVE DEAD; ONE MAIMED. This is serious stuff, my friends. Serious and terrifying as hell.

Always image conscious, Paris yesterday staged a smooth and appealing show, the purpose of which was to assuage public concern over this sudden lethal epidemic. M.D.'s gave medical explanations. Paris promised an immediate investigation by the epidemiology section of the Centers for Disease Control in Atlanta. And last but far from least, herbalist, acupuncturist, and obstetrician Sarah Baldwin, M.D., explained how she had leapt into the breech with her trusty acupuncture needles to save the life of the latest DIC victim.

Well, it turns out that there was one fact that neither Dr. Baldwin nor Mr. Paris chose to share with the public-one potentially crucial thing that all three afflicted women had in common. They had all taken a special HERBAL PRENATAL SUPPLEMENT concocted by Dr. Baldwin herself. It's made up of nine different herbs and roots with names like elephant sleeper and moondragon. The good doctor recommends it to all her clinic patients in place of tried and true (and FDA controlled) prenatal vitamins. Now two of those HERBAL PRENATAL SUPPLEMENT patients are dead and a third is maimed. Coincidence???

Well, I ran all this past a pharmacist friend of mine. We are still trying to wipe the astonished look off his face. He now has the list of the roots and herbs in Dr. Baldwin's potion and has promised to do some research for us all. Meanwhile, even he will not be able to answer such questions as: Where do these herbs and roots come from? Who checks them for contamination? Who checks them for composition?

Incredible, isn't it, what can happen when a health institution is allowed to slip farther and farther out of the mainstream of accepted medical care. Well, stay tuned… And don't say the old Axeman didn't warn you.