Natural Causes

TAKE IT OR LEAVE IT

by Axel Devlin

July 3

Yesterday I had an appointment with my acupuncturist. Her name is Dr. Sarah Baldwin-Daniels. When my back goes out, which it tends to do when I engage in any activity more strenuous than clicking my channel changer, my acupuncturist tells me to relax, sticks a few of her special stainless steel needles in me, and takes the pain away.

Helping folks like me with her acupuncture is sort of a hobby for Dr. B-D. Her real job is being a surgeon. In fact, as of two days ago, she is the new chief resident in Obstetrics and Gynecology at the Medical Center of Boston. For those of you new to my column, i.e., those who have been living on Mars for the last ten years, let me say that for much of the past year, I was not a supporter of my acupuncturist or her hospital. I thought she was a quack.

She is not a quack. She sticks her special needles in me and my back feels better. And as far as this layman goes, that's all I care to know. Make me feel better without some horrible side effect that's worse than my illness was, and you are okay in my book.

So I was wrong. This is my column, and I get to use it any way I want. And today, a year after Dr. B-D and the diet powder nightmare first lit up my word processor screen, I'm using it to say I was wrong.

Because of you, Doc, performing cesarean sections before active labor has saved countless lives. And now we hear there's a blood test and treatment coming for the dreaded weight loss virus. God willing, maybe soon all those cesareans won't be necessary.

So yesterday I saw my acupuncturist. I went to her six months ago to do an interview and to get the full story on the Herbal Weight Loss horror. And I happened, just happened, to mention my lousy back. That was when Dr. Baldwin-Daniels stepped forward.

"I might be able to help you," she said. "I might be able to do something for the pain."

So yesterday afternoon, just hours after my former enemy stuck a few of her special needles in me, I broke 90 at my club for the first time.

Quack!