Oddments

Liar’s Dice

“Excuse me. Do you play liar’s dice?”

I looked over at the man two stools to my right. He was about my age, early forties; average height, average weight, brown hair, medium complexion — really a pretty nondescript sort except for a pleasant and disarming smile. Expensively dressed in an Armani suit and a silk jacquard tie. Drinking white wine. I had never seen him before. Or had I? There was something familiar about him, as if our paths had crossed somewhere or other, once or twice.

Not here in Tony’s, though. Tony’s is a suburban-mall bar that caters to the shopping trade from the big department and grocery stores surrounding it. I stopped in no more than a couple of times a month, usually when Connie asked me to pick up something at Safeway on my way home from San Francisco, occasionally when I had a Saturday errand to run. I knew the few regulars by sight, and it was never very crowded anyway. There were only four patrons at the moment: the nondescript gent and myself on stools, and a young couple in a booth at the rear.

“I do play, as a matter of fact,” I said to the fellow. Fairly well too, though I wasn’t about to admit that. Liar’s dice and I were old acquaintances.

“Would you care to shake for a drink?”

“Well, my usual limit is one...”

“For a chit for your next visit, then.”

“All right, why not? I feel lucky tonight.”

“Do you? Good. I should warn you, I’m very good at the game.”

“I’m not so bad myself.”

“No, I mean I’m very good. I seldom lose.”

It was the kind of remark that would have nettled me if it had been said with even a modicum of conceit. But he wasn’t bragging; he was merely stating a fact, mentioning a special skill of which he felt justifiably proud. So instead of annoying me, his comment made me eager to test him.

We introduced ourselves; his name was Jones. Then I called to Tony for the dice cups. He brought them down, winked at me, said, “No gambling now,” and went back to the other end of the bar. Strictly speaking, shaking dice for drinks and/or money is illegal in California. But nobody pays much attention to nuisance laws like that, and most bar owners keep dice cups on hand for their customers. The game stimulates business. I know because I’ve been involved in some spirited liar’s dice tournaments in my time.

Like all good games, liar’s dice is fairly simple — at least in its rules. Each player has a cup containing five dice, which he shakes out but keeps covered so only he can see what is showing face up. Then each makes a declaration or “call” in turn: one of a kind, two of a kind, three of a kind, and so on. Each call has to be higher than the previous one, and is based on what the player knows is in his hand and what he thinks is in the other fellow’s — the combined total of the ten dice. He can lie or tell the truth, whichever suits him; but the better liar he is, the better his chances of winning. When one player decides the other is either lying or has simply exceeded the laws of probability, he says, “Come up,” and then both reveal their hands. If he’s right, he wins.

In addition to being a clever liar, you also need a good grasp of mathematical odds and the ability to “read” your opponent’s facial expressions, the inflection in his voice, his body language. The same skills an experienced poker player has to have, which is one reason the game is also called liar’s poker.

Jones and I each rolled one die to determine who would go first; mine was the highest. Then we shook all five dice in our cups, banged them down on the bar. What I had showing was four treys and a deuce.

“Your call, Mr. Quint.”

“One five,” I said.

“One six.”

“Two deuces.”

“Two fives.”

“Three treys.”

“Three sixes.”

I considered calling him up, since I had no sixes and he would need three showing to win. But I didn’t know his methods and I couldn’t read him at all. I decided to keep playing.

“Four treys.”

“Five treys.”

“Six treys.”

Jones smiled and said, “Come up.” And he had just one trey (and no sixes). I’d called six treys and there were only five in our combined hands; he was the winner.

“So much for feeling lucky,” I said, and signaled Tony to bring another white wine for Mr. Jones. On impulse I decided a second Manhattan wouldn’t hurt me and ordered that too.

Jones said, “Shall we play again?”

“Two drinks is definitely my limit.”

“For dimes, then? Nickels or pennies, if you prefer.”

“Oh, I don’t know...”

“You’re a good player, Mr. Quint, and I don’t often find someone who can challenge me. Besides, I have a passion as well as an affinity for liar’s dice. Won’t you indulge me?”

I didn’t see any harm in it. If he’d wanted to play for larger stakes, even a dollar a hand, I might have taken him for a hustler despite his Armani suit and silk tie. But how much could you win or lose playing for a nickel or a dime a hand? So I said, “Your call first this time,” and picked up my dice cup.

We played for better than half an hour. And Jones wasn’t just good; he was uncanny. Out of nearly twenty-five hands, I won two — two. You could chalk up some of the disparity to luck, but not enough to change the fact that his skill was remarkable. Certainly he was the best I’d ever locked horns with. I would have backed him in a tournament anywhere, anytime.

He was a good winner, too: no gloating or chiding. And a good listener, the sort who seems genuinely (if superficially) interested in other people. I’m not often gregarious, especially with strangers, but I found myself opening up to Jones — and this in spite of him beating the pants off me the whole time.

I told him about Connie, how we met and the second honeymoon trip we’d taken to Lake Louise three years ago and what we were planning for our twentieth wedding anniversary in August. I told him about Lisa, who was eighteen and a freshman studying film at UCLA. I told him about Kevin, sixteen now and captain of his high school baseball team, and the five-hit, two home run game he’d had last week. I told him what it was like working as a design engineer for one of the largest engineering firms in the country, the nagging dissatisfaction and the desire to be my own boss someday, when I had enough money saved so I could afford to take the risk. I told him about remodeling our home, the boat I was thinking of buying, the fact that I’d always wanted to try hang-gliding but never had the courage.

Lord knows what else I might have told him if I hadn’t noticed the polite but faintly bored expression on his face, as if I were imparting facts he already knew. It made me realize just how much I’d been nattering on, and embarrassed me a bit. I’ve never liked people who talk incessantly about themselves, as though they’re the focal point of the entire universe. I can be a good listener myself; and for all I knew, Jones was a lot more interesting than bland Jeff Quint.

I said, “Well, that’s more than enough about me. It’s your turn, Jones. Tell me about yourself.”

“If you like, Mr. Quint.” Still very formal. I’d told him a couple of times to call me Jeff but he wouldn’t do it. Now that I thought about it, he hadn’t mentioned his own first name.

“What is it you do?”

He laid his dice cup to one side. I was relieved to see that; I’d had enough of losing but I hadn’t wanted to be the one to quit. And it was getting late — dark outside already — and Connie would be wondering where I was. A few minutes of listening to the story of his life, I thought, just to be polite, and then—

“To begin with,” Jones was saying, “I travel.”

“Sales job?”

“No. I travel because I enjoy traveling. And because I can afford it. I have independent means.”

“Lucky you. In more ways than one.”

“Yes.”

“Europe, the South Pacific — all the exotic places?”

“Actually, no. I prefer the U.S.”

“Any particular part?”

“Wherever my fancy leads me.”

“Hard to imagine anyone’s fancy leading him to Bayport,” I said. “You have friends or relatives here?”

“No. I have business in Bayport.”

“Business? I thought you said you didn’t need to work...”

“Independent means, Mr. Quint. That doesn’t preclude a purpose, a direction in one’s life.”

“You do have a profession, then?”

“You might say that. A profession and a hobby combined.”

“Lucky you,” I said again. “What is it?”

“I kill people,” he said.

I thought I’d misheard him. “You... what?”

“I kill people.”

“Good God. Is that supposed to be a joke?”

“Not at all. I’m quite serious.”

“What do you mean, you kill people?”

“Just what I said.”

“Are you trying to tell me you’re... some kind of paid assassin?”

“Not at all. I’ve never killed anyone for money.”

“Then why...?”

“Can’t you guess?”

“No, I can’t guess. I don’t want to guess.”

“Call it personal satisfaction,” he said.

“What people? Who?”

“No one in particular,” Jones said. “My selection process is completely random. I’m very good at it too. I’ve been killing people for... let’s see, nine and a half years now. Eighteen victims in thirteen states. And, oh yes, Puerto Rico — one in Puerto Rico. I don’t mind saying that I’ve never even come close to being caught.”

I stared at him. My mouth was open; I knew it but I couldn’t seem to unlock my jaw. I felt as if reality had suddenly slipped away from me, as if Tony had dropped some sort of mind-altering drug into my second Manhattan and it was just now taking effect. Jones and I were still sitting companionably, on adjacent stools now, he smiling and speaking in the same low, friendly voice. At the other end of the bar Tony was slicing lemons and limes into wedges. Three of the booths were occupied now, with people laughing and enjoying themselves. Everything was just as it had been two minutes ago, except that instead of me telling Jones about being a dissatisfied design engineer, he was calmly telling me he was a serial murderer.

I got my mouth shut finally, just long enough to swallow into a dry throat. Then I said, “You’re crazy, Jones. You must be insane.”

“Hardly, Mr. Quint. I’m as sane as you are.”

“I don’t believe you killed eighteen people.”

“Nineteen,” he said. “Soon to be twenty.”

“Twenty? You mean... someone in Bayport?”

“Right here in Bayport.”

“You expect me to believe you intend to pick somebody at random and just... murder him in cold blood?”

“Oh no, there’s more to it than that. Much more.”

“More?” I said blankly.

“I choose a person at random, yes, but carefully. Very carefully. I study my target, follow him as he goes about his daily business, learn everything I can about him down to the minutest detail. Then the cat and mouse begins. I don’t murder him right away; that wouldn’t give sufficient, ah, satisfaction. I wait... observe... plan. Perhaps, for added spice, I reveal myself to him. I might even be so bold as to tell him to his face that he’s my next victim.”

My scalp began to crawl.

“Days, weeks... then, when the victim least expects it, a gunshot, a push out of nowhere in front of an oncoming car, a hypodermic filled with digitalin and jabbed into the body on a crowded street, simulating heart failure. There are many ways to kill a man. Did you ever stop to consider just how many different ways there are?”

“You... you’re not saying—”

“What, Mr. Quint? That I’ve chosen you?”

“Jones, for God’s sake!”

“But I have,” he said. “You are to be number twenty.”

One of my hands jerked upward, struck his arm. Involuntary spasm; I’m not a violent man. He didn’t even flinch. I pulled my hand back, saw that it was shaking, and clutched the fingers tight around the beveled edge of the bar.

Jones took a sip of wine. Then he smiled — and winked at me.

“Or then again,” he said, “I might be lying.”

“...What?”

“Everything I’ve just told you might be a lie. I might not have killed nineteen people over the past nine and a half years; I might not have killed anyone, ever.”

“I don’t... I don’t know what you—”

“Or I might have told you part of the truth... that’s another possibility, isn’t it? Part fact, part fiction. But in that case, which is which? And to what degree? Am I a deadly threat to you, or am I nothing more than a man in a bar playing a game?”

“Game? What kind of sick—”

“The same one we’ve been playing all along. Liar’s dice.”

“Liar’s dice?”

“My own special version,” he said, “developed and refined through years of practice. The perfect form of the game, if I do say so myself — exciting, unpredictable, filled with intrigue and mortal danger for myself as well as my opponent.”

I shook my head. My mind was a seething muddle; I couldn’t seem to fully grasp what he was saying.

“I don’t know any more than you do at this moment how you’ll play your part of the hand, Mr. Quint. That’s where the excitement and the danger lie. Will you treat what I’ve said as you would a bluff? Can you afford to take that risk? Or will you act on the assumption that I’ve told the monstrous truth, or at least part of it?”

“Damn you...” Weak and ineffectual words, even in my own ears.

“And if you do believe me,” he said, “what course of action will you take? Attack me before I can harm you, attempt to kill me... here and now in this public place, perhaps, in front of witnesses who will swear the attack was unprovoked? Try to follow me when I leave, attack me elsewhere? I might well be armed, and an excellent shot with a handgun. Go to the police... with a wild-sounding and unsubstantiated story that they surely wouldn’t believe? Hire a detective to track me down? Attempt to track me down yourself? Jones isn’t my real name, of course, and I’ve taken precautions against anyone finding out my true identity. Arm yourself and remain on guard until, if and when, I make a move against you? How long could you live under such intense pressure without making a fatal mistake?”

He paused dramatically. “Or — and this is the most exciting prospect of all, the one I hope you choose — will you mount a clever counterattack, composed of lies and deceptions of your own devising? Can you actually hope to beat me at my own game? Do you dare to try?”

He adjusted the knot in his tie with quick, deft movements, smiling at me in the back-bar mirror — not the same pleasant smile as before. This one had shark’s teeth in it. “Whatever you do, I’ll know about it soon afterward. I’ll be waiting... watching... and I’ll know. And then it will be my turn again.”

He slid off his stool, stood poised behind me. I just sat there; it was as if I were paralyzed.

“Your call, Mr. Quint,” he said. And he was gone into the night.