Otherwise Unharmed

Chapter 14—Heated Argument

On the northwest side of Chicago, next to a low-rent school district’s transportation department, there was a two-story building where Rinaldo’s underlings were often found. The area was used for a variety of activities. There were a handful of ancient, broken down school buses that looked to be long forgotten. They made for quick and easy temporary storage, and the area was an out-of-the-way place to conduct some of the smaller transfers of goods for money. The building also served as an occasional residence for those who didn’t have anywhere else to live.

It was simply referred to as the warehouse by Rinaldo’s crew. I’d never lived there myself, but I’d been there plenty of times. When someone in the organization got out of line, I’d killed there a few times as well. It was right by the river, which made dumping the bodies quick and easy.

From the rooftop of the warehouse, I watched a lot full of parked school buses as the sun rose over the trees and shone down on my back. It was a beautiful summer morning but too early for people to actually be working on the buses in need of repair. That didn’t mean the lot was empty though.

Lenny Yates and a dark-haired, greasy guy in faded jeans and a plain white T-shirt had just entered one of the buses. I didn’t recognize the other guy, but Lenny was easy enough to spot. He was tall, lanky, and was probably recruited for basketball in his younger days. Too bad he had such a coke habit, or he might have been good player. Instead, he worked the shit end of Moretti’s business and snorted most of his earnings.

I was glad my information was still fresh enough from before I had been locked up to remember he had been spending a lot of time at the warehouse, smuggling weapons in the back of the buses. I observed for a while as the two of them unloaded several small crates from the back of a U-Haul trailer attached to a pickup truck and took them through a hole in the fence and into one of the buses off by itself. They were right next to a group of trees lining the Chicago River, which would be convenient enough if I wanted a place to dump the trash when I was done taking it out.

I moved silently to the side of the building and positioned myself behind an air conditioning unit. It was decent cover as long as no one from higher up happened to look down. The air conditioner also provided a little cover noise, but there wasn’t a silencer for the AR, so it wouldn’t make much difference once I fired.

The vantage point from the roof wasn’t a great angle, so I moved quickly to the south side of the warehouse where there were a couple of trees right up against the building. I tossed the AR over my shoulder and reached for the closest branch. It was sturdy, and I gripped the limb tightly as I tossed my leg over the side and shimmied down the trunk.

I looked back over toward the bus, but they were still inside.

The tree right next to me had a nice fork in the trunk, and I jumped up to settle myself in the middle of it. The view was perfect from here and gave me more cover if there was someone in one of the taller buildings nearby. No one would be able to see me where I was.

I reached behind my neck and carefully secured a set of earplugs in my ears. While I looked toward the pickup, I reached to my side with my right hand, grabbed the pistol grip, and brought the assault rifle around slowly. With my left hand wrapped around the magazine, I moved the gun to eye level and lined up the rear and front sights on top of the barrel.

The greasy guy in jeans came out first with Lenny right behind him. They moved over to the side of the pickup truck and right into my line of vision. I breathed in, then let the air out slowly. My finger pulled back against the trigger.

Two blasts.

Two bodies on the ground.

I jumped out of the tree and ran forward quickly. The greasy guy had been a clean shot, but Lenny was hit in the throat and still alive. His eyes widened as he saw me, and he opened his mouth. No sound came from it, but I wasn’t much of a conversationalist while on the job anyway, so I put another shot in his brain with my Beretta. I pulled out an old Polaroid camera from its case attached to my belt, took two pictures, and then quickly hauled the bodies to the river.

I knelt down by a pile of broken concrete blocks and made sure both the bodies were on their way down the river before I shoved myself back up on my feet to make my escape. As I did, I could hear sirens approaching. Someone had heard the gunfire and called it in, but I had plenty of time to get out of the area. My only regret was not having time to check out the weapons in the bus before I had to move on. I ran down the tree line, staying under cover of the thick summer growth. A rental car I had picked up from the airport was parked on a nearby street, and I tossed my weapons in the back, climbed behind the wheel, and slowly drove off down the street.

I looked in the rearview mirror and saw the first of the police cars turning off the main road and onto the side street near the warehouse. With a smile on my face, I drove out of the area, ditched the car, and headed back to the hotel provided by Gavino. I spent about ten minutes yanking little burrs off my boots and jeans—they were all over the place near the river’s edge. I decided to leave the duffel bag there in the room so I wasn’t carrying the murder weapon around so quickly after a hit. I’d come back for it later. If it had been my Barrett, I would have kept it with me, but I didn’t give a shit about these guns.

With the two pictures sealed in an envelope shoved into my pocket, I took a complicated route out of the area. Bus, train, bus again. I grabbed a cab back to Michigan Avenue, and then jumped on the bus to head back home. I got off a few blocks away, preferring to walk the last bit to make damn sure I wasn’t being followed.

Though I’d made the hit at daybreak, it had taken me most of the rest of the day to get back to the new apartment. It was past the usual suppertime, but it was mid-June and the sun was still up. Outside the air was warm and comfortable. The wind wasn’t as bad, either. I was used to a lot of lake wind, but we were a little farther west than my previous place was located where there wasn’t so much of a constant breeze.

When I approached the apartment, Lia was standing in the green space with tears in her eyes, holding onto the end of Odin’s leash. There was an older woman beside her with another dog lying nearby on the ground. The woman was shaking her finger and shouting at Lia.

“You are responsible for your dog’s behavior!” the woman was yelling.

I half remembered seeing the woman before, walking a really big, fluffy shepherd-type dog. I wasn’t sure of the actual breed, but it was big with long, thick hair and coloring similar to a collie. The woman was most certainly of retirement age—well beyond, really—and very small in stature. She looked kind of ridiculous walking a dog that had to be a hundred and thirty pounds.

“I’m sorry!” Lia exclaimed. “I tried to hold on to him—he’s never even tried to get away from me before! I don’t know what got into him!”

“What the hell?” I groaned as I walked up.

Lia’s eyes found me, and the tears started flowing. I looked over at the woman, who was wearing tan slacks and one of those swimsuit cover-ups over her blouse. She had her hands on her hips, and her head bobbed up and down as she talked.

“Your wife has no control over your dog!” she barked.

I raised an eyebrow in Lia’s direction over the marital status assumption but didn’t correct the woman. Lia seemed too upset to notice.

“I tried to hold onto him, Evan—I swear!” Lia started to cry harder. “I couldn’t keep my grip, and he ran off! The next thing I know, he’s…he’s…”

“He violated my baby!” the woman roared as she indicated the well-groomed dog now sitting on the ground next to her, licking at her own nether-regions.

I looked over to my dog, who sat panting in front of Lia’s feet, looking very proud of himself. It wasn’t difficult to assess the situation for what it was, and I had to grin and waggle my eyebrows at my buddy.

The woman continued to fume.

“We couldn’t pull them apart,” Lia said meekly.

“You were hardly trying!” the woman shouted. “It was all I could do to keep Gretta calm!”

“He growled at me!”

“Hey!” I snapped at Odin, who immediately dropped to the ground and put his nose on his paws. I pointed over at Lia. “Don’t growl at her!”

“You should have been here earlier!” the woman said as she turned to me. “He was completely out of control! Do you realize what he did?”

It was pretty obvious.

“He fucked your dog?” I tried to make it sound like a question though I didn’t have any doubt. I folded my arms across my chest and glared at the woman.

“She was supposed to be bred with another Caucasian Shepherd later this week!”

I leaned to the side to peer around the woman at the dog in the grass, who was still concentrating on her own after-care.

“You mean you brought your in-heat bitch out here in the open for any other dog to smell and go nuts about her?” I cocked a thumb toward Odin. “And now you’re surprised he got a little horny?”

“She was on her leash and in my control the whole time!”

“Then why didn’t you stop her from spreading her legs?”

“Don’t be ridiculous!” she snapped back at me. “We were just standing there when your beast attacked!”

“She kinda looks like she enjoyed it,” I pointed out. The bitch was still licking herself but seemed just as happy about the whole thing as Odin did.

Lia was visibly upset; the woman was irate, and I thought the whole situation was hilarious.

I reached out and took Odin’s leash from Lia, then stepped in front of her a bit so I was between her and the woman with the—very likely impregnated—dog.

“You are as insolent as your mutt!” the woman informed me.

“Probably more so,” I said with a nod. “Look, it happened—can’t change that now. If she does have pups, I’ll pay for it, okay?”

“You’ll pay the cost of the litter she was supposed to have!” the woman demanded.

“How much is that?”

“She could have had as many as ten of them,” the woman said with a smirk. “At two thousand a piece, you do the math!”

“Twenty grand for a bunch of dogs?” I rolled my eyes. “Whatever. I’ll pay you based on how many pups she does have.”

“I would have bred her multiple times with the stud dog,” the woman informed me. She gave me a nasty little smirk to go with her attitude. “She would have had more.”

“Then let him fuck her a couple more times,” I suggested. “He could use the action.”

“Most certainly not!”

“Then the deal stands.” I took a step forward and leaned closer to the woman. I made sure I was right up in her face and staring down at her before I dropped my voice low. “I suggest you take it because the humor of this situation is starting to wane a bit. You don’t want me pissed off, or I might decide to just take a clothes hanger and fix the whole situation. Capisce?”

I didn’t tend to use Italian as much as my co-workers, but quite frankly, sometimes it made the point better than English. The woman took a step back as I lifted my eyebrows and stared her down. She obviously picked up on my meaning, huffed her agreement, and then hauled her dog back toward the apartment entrance.

“Jesus, Evan!” Lia whispered as the woman scurried away.

“It’s all right,” I said, trying to sound reassuring. “I don’t know if I could have cock-blocked him under those circumstances either.”

I snickered a little, grinned down at Odin, and started back to the apartment.

“That’s not what I meant,” Lia muttered as she fell into step with me.

“What, then?”

“You practically threatened her!”

I shrugged one shoulder.

“It shut her up, didn’t it?”

“Not the point.”

“What is the point?” I sighed and opened the door for Lia and me to enter with Odin prancing behind me, still looking self-satisfied and downright cocky.

“What if she calls the police?”

“For what? Me offering to pay her for her fucking dogs?”

“No, for threatening to violently abort them!”

“I wouldn’t have done that,” I scoffed. “Besides, at that point, it would be her word against mine.”

“I was a witness you know.”

I stopped for a minute and looked at her.

“Are you saying you’d speak out against me?” I watched her carefully, wondering if she would really do that. I was used to running in the kind of circles where that offense would be punishable by death, and I was a little taken aback that she’d consider it. My skin went a little cold at the idea.

“Are you saying you would ask me to lie for you?”

“Yes.” I kept looking at her, waiting for her to respond, but she just seemed dumbfounded. I was a little pissed but figured the conversation was over and she understood where I was coming from, so I made my way back to the apartment with Odin trailing behind and Lia remaining silent.

At least, she did until we got inside.

“I have no idea whether you’re serious or not,” she said.

I walked into the kitchen and started to rummage around in the fridge. I didn’t reply to her because I didn’t see any point in answering. The whole conversation was making me mad, and I honestly didn’t know how to deal with it.

My idea of conflict resolution just didn’t fit the situation.

Avoidance was my next best option, but Lia seemed hell-bent on keeping me from doing that.

“You said you wouldn’t really hurt that dog, but then you would expect me to lie for you. How am I supposed to know when you mean it and when you don’t?”

I opened up one of the drawers in the refrigerator, but I only looked in the direction of the food that was in there. None of the actual contents were registering inside my agitated brain. I closed the drawer and then pushed some of the containers around to see what was behind them.

“Are you even listening to me?” Lia asked.

“Yes,” I replied.

“Then why aren’t you saying anything?”

“I’m hungry.”

“Do you think this might be a little more important?”

I backed away and slammed the fridge door hard enough that the contents rattled.

“No,” I said, “I don’t. I think this is total bullshit.”

Lia started to open her mouth, but that’s when my phone rang. I was thrilled for the interruption and grabbed it out of my pocket immediately. I didn’t recognize the number, but I answered just to get myself out of the argument with Lia.

“Yeah?” I said into the phone.

“Open the fucking door,” the unfortunately familiar voice on the other end said.

As if I wasn’t pissed off enough.

Trent stood in the hallway looking like the rat-bastard he was when I opened the door, but I blocked him from coming inside.

“Who’s this?” Lia asked quietly from behind me.

“Get in the fucking bedroom,” I snapped. “Now. Stay there until I tell you otherwise.”

Lia grumbled something under her breath before she walked away from me and into the bedroom.

“You do like to play ‘Mister Elusive,’ don’t you?” Agent Trent had somehow managed to get my phone number and the location of my apartment. The annoyance I had been feeling toward the situation with Lia coupled with Odin’s impending fatherhood began to boil into something far more heated.

Fuck a duck.

“I don’t like people showing up unexpectedly,” I replied. “What do you want, Trent?”

“I expect regular updates,” he snapped back at me.

“Well, I didn’t see that in the fucking contract!” I yelled at him. “As I recall, my instructions were to get you something on Gavino Greco that could put him away. That’s going to take some fucking time, so get off my dick!”

“Listen, you little shit,” Trent growled. “You need to remember who is calling the shots here. If I don’t think you’re performing up to standards, I’ll pull this deal, and your ass goes straight back to jail. Considering you’ve already put a couple of Moretti’s guys in the river, I don’t think he’ll be inclined to help you out. He’d probably be more inclined to take it out on that pretty little brunette’s cunt.”

I tightened my fingers around the phone still in my hand, tight enough to make my knuckles go white. My teeth crushed against each other, and my eyes began to burn behind their lids. I barely stopped myself from killing him right then and there.

“Don’t say another fucking word about her,” I hissed through my teeth.

“Hey, bitch!” he yelled out, still smiling. “Maybe you ought to check into the asshole you’re living with!”

I stepped closer and shoved him farther into the hallway.

“Shut your fucking mouth,” I warned.

“Sore spot, huh?” I could see the laughter in his eyes. “Is she nice and tight on your cock, huh? Don’t wanna share? Then you better fucking listen to me.”

“Don’t push me,” I warned. It was taking everything in my power just to control my breathing and not crush the phone at the same time. “I said I’d do what you wanted, but don’t fucking push me.”

“I want updates,” Trent repeated. “I’m assuming those two dead bodies got you into Greco’s outfit?”

“Not yet confirmed,” I replied, “but that should do it.”

“You tell me when you’re in,” he ordered. “Tell me immediately.”

He turned around and stomped down the hall to the elevator. I slammed the door shut and then threw the phone across the room, shattering it against the wall.

How the fuck did he figure out where we were, anyway?

“What was that?” Lia asked as she came out of the bedroom and looked at the phone debris on the floor next to the wall. “What happened to the phone?”

“I dunno,” I snapped back at her. “Maybe there’s a problem with the fucking battery.”

“You’re resorting to sarcasm?” She narrowed her eyes at me.

“Only when you insist on asking stupid-ass questions.”

Lia’s eyes blazed, and she placed her hands on her hips as she started in on me again.

“I’m sorry if smashing phones and threatening the neighbors is something that’s so commonplace with you, but it’s still a bit of a shock for me. I suppose I should also get used to having to lie for you as well? Do I need to learn to use a gun in case I need to kill for you?”

“Now who’s fucking sarcastic?”

“Am I?” Lia fumed. “I don’t know. I have no idea what you expect from me!”

I didn’t know either, but I wasn’t about to say it. I stomped past her and into the bedroom. Eating was no longer important, and I just wanted the day to end. Lia continued to go on, but I stopped listening to her as I stripped off my clothes and stepped into the shower while she was in mid sentence.

The hot water didn’t improve my mood.

Lia was sitting on the edge of the bed when I walked out wearing just a towel around my waist. Before she had a chance to say anything, I flipped on my electric toothbrush and acted like I couldn’t hear her. Unfortunately, that activity didn’t last very long, and when I turned around, she had her arms folded across her chest and her eyes focused right on me.

I marched out of the room and poured myself a scotch on the rocks before going back to the bedroom. Attempting to ignore Lia’s glaring eyes, I stared out the window and sipped the drink. After a minute, I glanced back to her, but she was still obviously pissed.

“You done with the avoidance tactics?”

How did she understand me so well?

“I could go with distraction,” I countered as I lowered the towel a little. Lia continued to glare with her arms crossed.

I sighed and copied her gesture.

“Why did you threaten that woman?” Lia demanded. “Why was that necessary?”

“It was necessary to shut her up,” I answered. “I did it to keep you from seeing a side of me you really don’t want to run into.”

“Do you get bigger muscles and turn green?” she asked.

“Nice.”

“I wasn’t raised like this, Evan! In my house, you didn’t threaten people when you were angry, and you didn’t lie. And you certainly didn’t kill people for money!”

“You wanted to know!” I slammed the glass down onto the windowsill and then shouted at her as I moved toward the bed. “You wanted to know what all this shit was about. I didn’t want to fucking tell you, and I told you once it was out, I couldn’t take it back, but you still wanted to know!”

“Knowing doesn’t mean I’m okay with it!” she yelled back. “It definitely doesn’t mean I’m going to participate in any of it!”

I took another step forward, and Lia pushed herself backwards with her hands and the heels of her feet until she reached the center of the bed. I didn’t know exactly what she meant by not participating, and I wasn’t sure if I wanted to know the details. I just knew that if she kept talking, I was going to get really pissed off, and I had to get her to stop.

“You need to cut it out,” I told her. My knees bumped up against the bed. “Just drop it.”

“No,” she said firmly. “I’m not going back to doing whatever the hell my boyfriend tells me to do. I’ve lived that life—not anymore.”

I couldn’t take it anymore. In frustration, I moved forward, grabbed both her wrists in my hands, and held them up above her head as I pushed her into the mattress. Tossing one leg over her torso, I straddled her and leaned in close, which caused the towel around my waist to fall off to the side of the bed.

“You are pissing me off,” I growled.

“So what are you going to do about it?” Lia’s jaw was set and her eyes tight—almost daring me. I wasn’t sure exactly what she was daring me to do, but the feeling was still there.

“I don’t know yet. I’m not used to this shit.”

“What ‘shit’?”

“Having someone around who is questioning what I do or say.”

“Is that what I’m doing?”

“Yes.”

“Maybe you need it,” Lia said. She tilted her head to one side a bit and twisted her hands. I didn’t release her wrists—I tightened my grip a little instead.

Having her lying there beneath me—even though she was clothed—was getting me obviously hard. I watched Lia’s eyes glance down and dilate slightly at the sight of my cock lying on her stomach and growing by the second.

I pulled her wrists together and gathered them in one hand before reaching down and taking my cock with the other hand. I wrapped my fingers around the shaft and stroked it a couple of times.

“Maybe you need to keep your mouth shut,” I suggested as an alternative. “Maybe I need to give you something to fill it up for a while.”

Her eyes narrowed again.

“You think I’m really in the mood right now?”

“I think you’re usually in the mood for my cock, yes.”

“I’m mad at you,” she reminded me. She twisted her hips a bit but stopped as I tightened my thighs against her body.

“You aren’t going anywhere,” I informed her.

“What? Am I your prisoner now?”

The images I had of her restrained in my bed entered my head again, and they were accompanied by thoughts of me holding her legs up against her chest as I fucked her. However, as I looked down her body and then up to her face, I could see she wasn’t sharing my fantasy at the moment. Her eyes went from flashing anger to somewhat fearful as she looked away from me.

It pissed me off.

“I don’t like this,” I fumed at her.

“Don’t like what?”

“Arguing with you.”

Lia’s eyes narrowed at me.

“So stop it,” she suggested, “and be reasonable.”

“I don’t want to be reasonable.”

“Well, what do you want then?” she snapped back.

I let go of my cock long enough to use that hand to unbutton Lia’s blouse and pull it open. Her bra hooked in the back, so I reached inside the cups and pulled her tits out where I could see them. I glanced back at her and saw her lip sucked into her mouth and her throat bob up and down. Her eyes were wary.

“You afraid of me now?” I asked.

“A little,” she admitted.

“I told you I would never hurt you.”

“What exactly are you doing now?”

“Are you in pain?” I asked. I already knew the answer was no. I wasn’t holding onto her tightly—just firmly so she couldn’t move. She was barely struggling underneath me, which was actually serving to turn me on even more.

Lia shook her head.

“I don’t want to hurt you,” I said. “I do want to fuck the ever-loving shit out of you, though.”

There it was—the slight parting of her lips, the rush of blood to her face, and the increase in her breath as her eyes darkened. The fear and hesitation were quickly replaced by additional quick glances at my cock and the sight of her tongue reaching out to moisten her lips.

I didn’t ask her if she wanted it. I didn’t need the confirmation. I only needed her to lift her hips a little so I could drag her shorts down her legs, which she did without much prompting. Her panties were still around her knees, and her bra and shirt were still partially on, but it was enough for my tastes. I ran my hand up her body, pinched her nipples slightly, and then ran the back of my hand up her neck.

I took two fingers and pressed them against her lips until she parted them. I slid them inside her mouth.

“Suck.”

She complied, and the feeling of her tongue over my fingers made me realize I’d never had my dick in her mouth. I only half considered straddling her face and fucking her mouth, but I knew I was still angry and pounding her pussy was a much better option.

I pulled my wet fingers out of her mouth and then reached down to run them over her pussy lips. One of them found her entrance, invaded it, and was quickly joined by the second one. I decided she was as ready as she needed to be, pulled my fingers out of her, grabbed my dick by the base, and lined it up.

In one quick movement, I was deep inside of her.

Lia jumped and cried out with every thrust as I slammed into her—quick, hard, mercilessly. I gripped her wrists in both hands as I leaned over her, my heart pounding in my chest and my breaths coming in rapid gasps. Sweat quickly collected over my skin, but I didn’t slow down—I just fucked her harder.

Her body rocked beneath me, causing her tits to shake and bob deliciously, but I could only feel where we were connected. Her body hugged my dick, stroked my shaft, and gripped down on me as she pushed her panties the rest of the way off and wrapped her legs around my waist. She cried out again with a shudder.

With a long, loud grunt, I emptied into her but didn’t stop pounding my cock into her body until I had completely finished coming in her. Even then, I stroked my softening dick in her a few times as the muscles in my arms began to shake.

A bead of sweat trickled from the back of my neck and dropped onto her skin, right above her heart. I watched it travel over her flesh and down the side of her body, leaving a wet trail behind it as her chest rose and fell.

I couldn’t hold myself up any longer and didn’t want to crush her, so I rolled to the side and collapsed against the mattress with Lia next to me. I kept my arms around her and held her to my chest as I continued to gasp for air. Lia’s fingers wrapped around my upper arm, but I didn’t look at her.

I felt shredded inside of myself—like someone had literally gone into my guts with a set of knives and rotated them around for a while—and I didn’t understand why. It was nauseating and suffocating. I didn’t know what to do to make it stop.

“Wow,” Lia sighed. “That was like the fight and the make-up sex all rolled into one.”

I couldn’t find the humor at the moment and pushed away from her without speaking. I jumped out of the bed and crossed the room.

“What’s wrong?” Lia called out.

I glanced over my shoulder to see her sitting in the center of the bed with the sheet pulled up to her chest, and I wondered why chicks did that. I’d just been inside of her, and now she was shielding her tits. What sense did that make?

“I just need a drink of water,” I said as I opened the bedroom door. “You want anything?”

“No, I’m fine.” She looked like she was about to say something else, but I left before she had the chance.

I wasn’t in the mood to talk.

Out in the kitchen, I poured myself some water from one of those filtration pitchers. I’d never used one before, but Lia had it with her stuff. The water felt cold on the back of my throat as I drank it down and then quickly poured another one. As I put the glass down, I glanced toward the balcony doors.

There was someone out there.

Instinct took over. I dropped to the ground and rolled backwards to put the kitchen island between me and the glass door. I was completely naked, and the closest gun was in the closet by the door. I could make it, but if whoever was out there was going to shoot, I wouldn’t have much cover.

I decided to make a run for it, crashed into the closet, and knocked over a little decorative table next to the front door in the process. Fighting hard against the panic growing inside of me, I ripped open the closet door and grabbed my Beretta. I hadn’t heard any shots yet, but I still dived back behind the couch as quickly as I could.

I checked the magazine, clicked it into place, and wrapped my hand around the grip. I positioned myself at the edge of the couch and was about to turn and start firing when I heard movement inside.

“Evan?”

“Get back in the bedroom!” I screamed at Lia as she appeared in the doorway.

“Evan! What’s happening?”

I moved back around the couch where I had better cover as well as a better view of the balcony. It was also a little farther from Lia, and I would be able to draw fire away from her. I came around the far side and raised my gun again. From there, I could see the figure on the other side of the glass—a small, thin person with white, sand-covered clothes.

It was the kid.

He just stood there—tears coming out of his eyes—and looked at me.

My hands started shaking. I couldn’t hold the gun straight any longer, but I also wasn’t so sure I was actually pointing it at anyone who was there.

“Not fucking real,” I whispered.

“Evan?”

“Look out at the balcony,” I told her.

Her head turned briefly toward the glass before looking back to me. There was no shock or fear in her eyes, which there certainly would have been if she had seen what I had.

“There’s no one there, is there?”

“No.” Lia looked again, this time tilting her head to the side for a better angle, but her answer was the same. “There’s no one there.”

I squeezed my eyes shut before I looked again.

There was nothing there.

“Fuck.” I dropped down on my ass and leaned against the side of the couch with my elbows up on my knees and the Beretta dangling there with no purpose.

Lia was beside me a moment later.

“Are you all right?” She reached to touch my arm, but I shoved her hand away.

“I’m fine,” I snapped.

“Who was out there?” she asked.

I shook my head.

“No one.” I rubbed my forehead with the back of my hand and laughed at myself. “We live on the fifteenth floor, for Christ’s sake—how would anyone get there?”

“I understand that,” Lia replied quietly. “Who did you think you saw?”

I looked over to her, crouched on the floor a couple feet away from me like she was trying to coax some wild, wounded animal out of a cave. To top it off, she was as naked as I was. I shook my head at the ridiculousness of it all and pushed against the carpet to stand myself up.

“Come on,” I said as I reached my hand out for Lia’s, “let’s go back to bed.”

She took my hand and followed me back into the bedroom and under the sheets. She was tentative to touch me at first, given how I had reacted in the other room, but I wrapped my arms around her waist and she wrapped hers around my head.

We both relaxed with a long sigh.

“Are you going to tell me what you saw?” she asked.

“Just a kid,” I replied with a shrug.

“You were going to shoot a kid?”

“I shot him before.” I tilted my head up to see her better. “He was wrapped in explosives and headed for our base. I took him out from two kilometers away six years ago, and he shows up on my fucking balcony now. What’s up with that shit?”

“I don’t know,” Lia replied. “Have you ever talked to your psychologist about him?”

“No. Didn’t see any point.”

“Maybe he can help you figure out what the point is,” she suggested.

I looked at her for a long moment as I tried to come up with a way I could even begin to convey everything that had happened over there. I couldn’t possibly talk to Mark about every little detail, and I didn’t know how to put it into words that would make any sense. Besides, I knew exactly what Mark Duncan would say—seeing this kid was somehow important.

The problem was that there were probably a thousand other important bits I wasn’t seeing.

“No,” I finally said. I felt Lia tense at my words.

“You can’t just ignore it,” she said. “Evan—you were about to shoot up the balcony door.”

“I didn’t.”

“But you would have!”

“Maybe not,” I said with a shrug. I tucked my head against her body, hoping she was going to get the hint and drop it all. I wasn’t used to having someone else around me so much, let alone have to justify myself and my actions. It was uncomfortable at the very least.

“You can’t keep going like this,” Lia said. Her hand ran over the back of my head slowly, and I relaxed a little. “It’s scaring me.”

I opened my eyes and looked back up at her. All the stress and worry were plain on her face, but I didn’t know what I was supposed to do to change that. I wasn’t sure that I could.

“I scare me sometimes,” I admitted. I cracked a bit of a smile, but it wasn’t returned. My tongue darted out over my lips. “I don’t know how to make it stop. I don’t even know when it’s going to happen. It didn’t happen for years, and it just started again.”

“When did it start up again?” Her fingers moved to my shoulder and over to my chest. With the palm of her hand, she stroked down to my abs and back up again.

The feel of her touch was distracting, calming, and disarming.

“Not too long after I met you,” I replied. “Well, some of it, anyway—the dreams, not being able to sleep—that started then. Seeing shit that isn’t there is more recent.”

In the low light coming from the window, I could see the glistening in Lia’s eyes, and I hated it. I hated that I was the one making her feel that way and that there was nothing I could do to change it. I hated being this way and couldn’t even begin to understand how it happened.

“I…I wasn’t always like this,” I said, my voice hushed. “I just don’t know…I don’t know what’s me inside and what isn’t.”

“But that’s who I met in Arizona,” Lia said. “That’s the person who let a stranger stay with him, even though it was probably dangerous. That’s who cooked for me and…and…”

“Fucked you?” I smiled slightly, and this time the gesture was returned.

“That’s the man who understood what I needed more than anything else and exactly how to give it to me.”

“It’s not like I didn’t want to do it,” I said.

“I realize that.” Lia’s smile widened, and she blushed. “The point is, that was all you. So you are in there, Evan—I know you are.”

I reached up and pushed her hair away from her forehead and stroked my fingertips down the side of her face as I talked.

“There’s so much shit in my head—shit I can’t unsee or undo. Sometimes it feels like there’s something inside of me just…tearing me up inside and waiting to bust its way out. I think maybe…maybe if I could get that out, then maybe the person I was is still underneath.”

I tightened my fingers slightly on her shoulder. I wanted to grip her as tightly as I could.

“Someday—when we’re away from here, and it’s just us—will you help me? Will you help me get it out so I can be what you need?”

Her hands cradled my face, and she brought her lips to brush quickly against my mouth.

“Of course I will, Evan. Don’t you see? That’s why I’m staying.”

Nothing was going to stop me from making sure she had the chance.