Our Souls at Night

39

After the talk with Gene, Addie and Louis still saw each other. He came to her house at night but it was different now. It was not the same lighthearted pleasure and discovery. And gradually there were nights when he stayed home, nights when she read for hours alone, not wanting him to be there in bed with her. She stopped waiting for him, naked. They still held each other in the night when he did come over but it was more out of habit and desolation and anticipated loneliness and disheartenment, as if they were trying to store up these moments together against what was coming. They lay awake side by side silently now and never made love anymore.

Then the day came when Addie tried to talk to her grandson on the phone. She could hear the boy crying in the background but his father wouldn’t let him talk.

Why are you doing this? she said.

You know why. If I have to do this I will.

Oh you’re just mean. This is cruel. I didn’t think you’d go so far.

You can change it.

She called her grandson one afternoon when she thought he would be at home by himself. But he wouldn’t talk to her.

They’ll be mad, he said. He began to cry. They’ll take Bonny away. They’ll take my phone.

Oh God, Addie said. All right, honey.

When Louis came to her house in the middle of that week she led him out to the kitchen and gave him a beer and poured herself a glass of wine.

I want to talk. Out here in the light.

Something more has changed, he said.

I can’t do this anymore, she said. I can’t go on this way. I thought something like this was coming. I have to have contact, and some kind of limore sense, a

fe with my grandson. He’s the only one left to me. My son and his wife mean little now. That’s all broken, I don’t think they or I will ever get over it. But I still want my grandson. This summer made that clear.

He loves you.

He does. He’s the only one of my family who does. He’ll outlive me. He’ll be with me as I die. I don’t want the #x2019;t care about the others. They’ve killed that. I don’t trust Gene. I can’t guess what else he might do.

So you want me to go home.

Not tonight. One more night. Will you do that?

I thought you were the brave one of us.

I can’t be brave anymore.

Maybe Jamie will fight it and call you on his own.em; margin-top: 3em; margin-bottom: 2em; text-align: ">Yes, oun s.

Not yet he won’t. He can’t, he’s only six years old. Maybe when he’s sixteen. But I can’t wait that long. I might already be dead. I can’t miss these years with him.

So this is our last night.

Yes.

They went upstairs. In bed in the dark they talked a little more. Addie was crying. He put his arm around her and held her.

We’ve had a good time, Louis said. You’ve made a great difference for me. I’m grateful. I appreciate it.

You’re being cynical now.

I don’t mean to be. I mean what I’ve said. You have been good for me. What more could anyone ask for? I’m a better person than I was before we got together. That’s your doing.

Oh, you’re still kind to me. Thank you, Louis.

They lay awake listening toothers. I don&