Perfect People

4

Naomi’s diary

Can barely write this. Thrown up twice now. It is three in the morning. My arm hurts from the third injection. Three lots of blood. What on earth did the nurse need three lots of blood for? She was v. sweet and apologetic, though. Everyone seems kind. John ordered a huge dinner then left it untouched, the smell of it making him sick – me too!

The cabin is vibrating because the ship’s engines are running. The nurse – Yvonne – a pleasant black woman, said when it is calm they usually just drift or drop anchor at night, but when it’s rough like now it’s more stable if they run the engines and keep some forward motion.

Phoned Mum earlier – very brief call (at $9 per minute!) to say we were here. Then rang Harriet. She’s really excited for us. Don’t know when we are going to be able to afford to pay back the $150,000 they lent us. John is in with a chance on one or two science awards and he’s putting together a book project for MIT press – although their advances aren’t exactly huge.

Feel like a fugitive – which I suppose is what we are. Weighing everything up over and over. Trying to find that point where medical ethics, the acceptable boundaries of science, individual responsibility and plain common sense all meet. It is very elusive.

John’s awake, unable to sleep, like me. We just had a long discussion about what we’re doing and how we feel about it, going over the same old stuff. And of course how we would feel if it doesn’t work – there’s a fifty per cent chance of failure. We’re both positive still. But the enormity does scare me. I guess I’m OK about it because it still hasn’t happened yet, and although we wouldn’t get our money back, there is still time to change our minds. We still have a couple of weeks in which we can do that.

But I don’t think we will.