Picture You Dead

38

Sunday, 20 October

Perspiring heavily, on the sixth mile of his treadmill run, Piper was irritated by the sound of his phone cutting out the soundtrack of the fourth episode of series three of Game of Thrones playing on the television screen in front of him. He glanced down at the display and saw it was Robert Kilgore calling. He ignored it and carried on, finishing mile seven, then mile eight, ignoring three further calls from Kilgore, then dutifully doing his three minutes of cool-down.

When he was done, he stepped off the treadmill, went through his routine of stretches, then drank some cold water from the dispenser, debating whether to call Kilgore back or wait until the morning.

The phone rang again. Sweaty from his exertions, Piper answered curtly, ‘What do you want, Bobby? This had better be good to call me on a Sunday night.’

The soft Southern voice said, ‘This is good, boss. This is very good. You anywhere near a television?’

Kilgore knew full well his boss had a television in just about every room in the house, including all the toilets.

‘Why?’

‘Antiques Roadshow.’

‘Why would I want to watch that stupid show? A load of dumb fucking morons thinking they’ve found something of value in their attics or their dead granny’s handbag?’

Calm as ever, Robert Kilgore said, ‘I think you ought to take a look at tonight’s episode. Take a look right away, check it out on catch-up. Then call me back.’

‘What is this? Don’t play fucking games with me, Bobby. What is it?’

‘A solution to your mathematical puzzle. Remember the one you set me, sir? A few weeks back? Some kind of riddle, sir.’

‘I don’t do riddles.’

‘Beg pardon, but back in September you set me a riddle. Y’asked me if I knew the difference between five million and fifty million pounds? Remember?’

‘I did?’

‘The three Fragonards on your wall. Spring, Autumn, Winter. Anything coming back now?’

‘Uh huh. Kind of.’

‘Watch tonight’s Antiques Roadshow on catch-up or iPlayer or whatever. Then call me back, doesn’t matter what time. I don’t reckon I’ll be sleeping much and nor will you.’

‘I always sleep well.’

‘Watch that show and you won’t. Trust me. I’m guessing you’re gonna be awake all night.’