Pray for the Dying

Six

The bedroom door creaked as she opened it, jerking him from a dream that he was happy to leave. ‘Are the kids awake yet?’ Bob mumbled, into the pillow.

‘Are you joking?’ Sarah laughed. ‘It’s five past nine.’

Their reconciliation, which had come after a burst of truth-talking only a day and a half before, had taken them both by surprise, but the next morning neither of them had felt any guilt, only pleasure, and possibly even relief.

Their separation and divorce had not been acrimonious. No, it had been down to a lack of communication and each one of them had concluded, independently, that if they had sat down in the right place at the right time and had talked their problems through in the right spirit, it might not have happened at all.

‘You what?’ Bob rolled over and sat up in a single movement. He was about to swing a leg out of bed, but she sat on the edge, blocking him off.

‘Easy does it,’ she said. ‘They don’t know you’re here.’

‘They’ll see my car.’

‘No they won’t. You parked it a little way along the road, remember.’

‘Alex and Andy?’

‘They left after you crashed. That was quite an entrance; five minutes to midnight. Your first words, “Gimme a drink,” then you polished off six beers inside half an hour.’ She paused, then murmured, ‘I can always tell, Bob, the more you drink, the worse it’s been.’

‘I know,’ he admitted. ‘And the bugger is, the older I get, the less the bevvy helps.’

‘So I gather. You did some shouting through the night. It’s just as well this house is stone, with thick walls. How do you feel now?’

‘My love, I do not know.’ He reached out and tugged at the cord of her dressing gown. She slipped out of it, and eased herself alongside him.

She held his wrist, with two fingers pressed below the base of his thumb. ‘Your heart rate is a little fast.’

‘Probably the dream. It was a bastard.’

‘Are you ready to tell me what happened?’

He slipped his right arm around her shoulders. ‘I told you last night. Toni Field is dead, and somehow I let Clive Graham talk me into taking her place for three months. Three months only, mind, even though Aileen and Andy both say once I’m there they’ll never get me out.’

‘Hey,’ Sarah murmured. ‘Maybe the witch knows you better than I thought.’

‘You think so too?’ He shook his head, and a slight grin turned up the corners of his mouth. ‘And here was me thinking you and I were making a new start.’

‘Then let me put it another way. Sometimes you don’t know where your duty lies until it’s brought home to you. You’ve been frustrated since you became chief in Edinburgh; I can see that. You were never really keen on the job, without really knowing why. When you were talked into taking it, you found out. It was more or less what you’d been doing before, but it made you more remote from your people and more authoritarian.

‘But Strathclyde’s different. You’ve always known why you didn’t want that job; you grew up there in a different time and you feel that force is too big, and as such too impersonal. Now that you’ve been forced into the hot seat by circumstances in which, in all conscience, you couldn’t decline, you might find the challenge you’ve been needing is to change that. You get what I’m saying?’

‘Yes.’ He paused. ‘But I’m a crime-fighter.’

‘I know,’ she agreed, ‘but even Strathclyde CID’s remote, isn’t it? If you can bring that closer to the people in every one of the hundreds of communities within the force’s area, then won’t they feel safer as a result, and won’t that be an achievement?’

‘Okay,’ he nodded, ‘I can see your argument. Maybe you’re right. . and maybe if this new unified force does happen it’ll be even more important to have someone in charge who thinks like I do. But probably you’re wrong. The chances are I’ll be back in Edinburgh by November. The chances are also that the unification will happen and I’ll walk away from it.’ He hesitated, and his forehead twisted into a frown. ‘That’s the way I feel right now.’

‘So tell me why,’ she whispered. ‘Although I think I can guess, having seen this before.’

‘I killed someone,’ he whispered, ‘one of the South Africans. His name was Gerry Botha. He probably didn’t murder Toni Field, not personally, but he was part of the team that did: not just her, but three other people in the last forty-eight hours, and God knows how many more in other places, before that. I’ve shot people before in the line of duty. .’ He sighed. ‘Christ, darlin’, most cops never handle a firearm, but I’m always in the firing line. At the time it’s a decision you have to make in a split second. I’ve never been wrong, or doubted myself afterwards, but there comes a time when you have to think that however evil the life you’ve just snuffed out, someone brought it into being.

‘Gerry Botha and his sidekick Francois Smit, they probably have mothers and fathers still alive, and maybe wives and maybe kids who see completely different men at home and who’re not going to have them to take them to rugby and cricket or the movies or to the beach any more, like I did yesterday with ours before all this shit happened, and when I start to play with all that in my head I start to think, “Oh God, perhaps that man wasn’t all that different from me, just another guy doing the best he can for those he loves.” And that’s when it gets very difficult.’ He leaned back against the headboard, and she could see that his eyes were moist.

She kissed his chest. ‘Yeah, I know, love. That’s why you, of all people, understand why I prefer to be a pathologist, rather than to work with people with a pulse. But,’ she said, ‘if I was a psychologist, I’d be telling you to take that thought and apply it to Botha’s victims and to imagine how their nearest and dearest are feeling today, then to ask yourself how they’d feel about you if you’d funked your duty? Toni Field, for example; did she have a family?’

‘No, she’s never been married,’ he told her. ‘According to the Human Resources director, her next of kin was her mother, name of Sofia Deschamps. He was able to get the mother’s details from her file; he accessed it from home. I’m not too happy about that, but it’s an issue for later.

‘Mother lives in Muswell Hill; a couple of community support officers broke the news to her last night. Apparently there was no mention of a father on her file. The mother was a single parent, Mauritian. Antonia must have Anglicised the name at some point, or maybe the mother did, for she graduated as Field.’

‘I guess now they can confirm that she’s the victim.’

‘Yeah. The press office is going to issue a statement at twelve thirty, after the Police Authority’s emergency meeting. That will ratify my. . temporary. . appointment, and I’ll be paraded at another media briefing at one.’

‘What about your own Police Authority?’

‘Good question. The chairperson’s a Nationalist, one of the First Minister’s cronies. He was going to talk to her last night, but I’ll have to give her a call as well, to ask for her blessing, and to get her to nod through Maggie as my stand-in and Mario’s move up to ACC Crime.’ He took a breath.

‘And I’ll have to talk to Maggie myself; I can go and see her, since she doesn’t live far away. Then I’ll need to call in on Mario. . not to tell him about his promotion, he knows about that. . but to see how Paula is the day after. And I suppose I’ll have to go to Fettes and change into my fucking uniform. .’

Sarah rolled out of bed and grabbed her dressing gown from the floor. ‘Then what the hell are you still doing lying there? Get yourself showered. . but don’t you dare put my Venus leg shaver anywhere near your chin. . then dress and come downstairs to surprise our children. I’ll make you breakfast and then you can get on the road.’

‘Yes, boss.’ He grinned.

‘You’ll see,’ she added, ‘it’ll be good for you, this new challenge.’

‘If I’m up to it.’

‘That’s bullshit. You do not do self-doubt, my love.’

Bob frowned. ‘No, you’re right, not when it comes to work. In everything else though,’ he sighed, ‘I’m a complete fuck-up. Three marriages; soon to be two divorces. Are you sure you want to get close to me again?’

She put her hands on his shoulders, and drew him to her. ‘Even in our darkest moments,’ she whispered, ‘even across an ocean, I was never not close to you. You see us? We’re each other’s weakness and strength all rolled into one. This time, strength comes out on top.’

He nodded, stood, took hold of her robe, and kissed her. ‘Sounds good to me.’

He headed towards the bathroom, then stopped. ‘Will you keep the kids here tonight?’

‘Yes. Will you come back here?’

‘Mmm. What do you think? Do you want me to, I mean? What will the kids be thinking? This has all happened pretty quick; Aileen being gone, you and me. .’

‘What do I think?’ she replied. ‘To be brutally honest, I think that Mark won’t bat an eyelid, that James Andrew will be pleased. . he didn’t like her and, believe me, I never said a word against her to him. . and that Seonaid will barely notice she’s gone.’

He nodded. ‘Okay then. I’ll see you later.’

He was stepping into the en-suite when she called after him. ‘Hey, Bob?’

He looked over his shoulder. ‘Yeah?’

‘If you did walk away from the job,’ she asked, ‘do you have the faintest idea what you’d do?’

‘Sure. I could collect non-executive directorships, get paid for sitting on my arse and play a lot of golf, but that wouldn’t be my scene. No, if I do that I’ll become a consulting detective; I’ll become bloody Sherlock.’