Primal Spillane: Early Stories 1941-1942

Ham For a Yegg

Rain dripped steadily from the slanted roofs of houses and ran in swiftly moving streams into the sewers. Behind the yellow eyes of the building’s windows, people sat at their radios listening to the latest news reports on the war overseas, and trembling at the thought that it might come over here. For every evening at this time there came in, on a popular wavelength, a new voice, blotting out the regular program, a voice that predicted an Axis victory in a few short months, and told the great nation of the United States that if it did not surrender, Nazi bombers would be over the cities at any moment!

The voice went on. It told of dire things in store for the country, demolition of the seacoast, the war brought to America. At police headquarters and F.B.I, offices, the men ran around in circles. Try as they might, this voice could not be located.

Dick Manners paced the floor with the rest. “This dirty Nazi must be operating from a moving auto. Our locators never have him in the same place twice! If we don’t get busy, the newspapers will have our heads!”

“But what are we going to do?” one of the men asked. “We’ve tried everything, and it’s no soap!”

Dick shook his head despondently,“I don’t know. Something’ll have to happen, that’s all.”

Little did they realize that something was being done... and not very far away, either. Teddy Conklin was a “ham”... an amateur radio operator, but ever since the government stopped all the hams from sending, he sat around the house wishing he could utilize his knowledge for the good of the country. And, he knew, there must be hundreds of others just like himself. It was when the voice first started broadcasting the malicious propaganda that he got his great idea.

Teddy knew every other ham within the vicinity of one hundred miles. Often, they had gotten together and discussed new ideas in radio, much to each other’s benefit. So, he sat down at the telephone with a list of numbers in his hand and started calling. Several hours later he finished, and sat back with a broad smile on his face.

That night cars pulled up in front of Teddy’s house bearing license plates from three states. They came in a steady stream for two hours, until the curb was lined on both sides with every make of automobile... jalopies and limousines. Inside, the place was a madhouse, with the men shouting “hellos” back and forth to each other. Finally Teddy restored a semblance of order and the place quieted down. Standing in the middle of the floor, Teddy addressed the whole group.

“Fellows. I got you all together, because we, as Americans, have a job to do. No doubt everyone here has heard the man called the ‘Voice’ who cuts in on the commercial programs with a lot of dirty propaganda. Well, the police can’t catch him, which means that he’s operating with a moving transmitter. Now here’s the payoff. None of us can use our sets to send, but we can listen! By triangulation, we can find the immediate place the Voice sends from, and with all of us on the job, we ought to be able to narrow the field down a bit.

“Here is what we’ll do. Every one of us but a certain group will remain at their stations, and — when the Voice comes on — locate him! Each one will have a map, so find the street the car is on and the direction in which it’s heading. As soon as you do this, telephone’ to the man nearest that point and he’ll get on the chase. The fellows with the fastest cars will hold down that end, while others will remain near telephones at various points. Are you with me?”

A thunderous roar almost took the roof off as every one of them shouted their approval of the plan. Then Teddy went about assigning the men to their various duties. Finally, when all preparations had been made, he held up his hand for quiet.

“Men,” he said, “there can be no loss of time! Our plan goes into action this very night... The Voice is due to broadcast in two hours, so get to your stations and be ready for action!”

The men jammed the door on the way out, each rushing for his car, and clutching a copy of a large map that Teddy passed out. One by one, the cars shot off, the deadline was almost at hand and a fifth columnist had to be trapped! A pack of hams going after a Nazi yegg!

But what hams! Each fired with enthusiasm and the will to do something for the country. And they were mad; sore at the fact that the enemy believed this country stupid enough to swallow the stuff it handed out. Well, they would soon find out just how stupid they were... stupid as a fox, maybe!

As the autos shot off, Teddy got his own group together. “Men,” he said, “we’re covering a section about a mile from here. I’ve done a little detecting on the side before this, and apparently the Voice is operating somewhere from this neighborhood.” He pointed out a position on the map with a pencil. “Perhaps he’ll operate from a new position, but he usually works one section about a week at a time, and this will be but the third day. Now hit for the spots and don’t spare the horses!”

One of the men grinned. “I hope I get him! I’ve always wanted a crack at a “real Nazi!” He patted his .22 rifle significantly.

Teddy gave a short laugh. “It’s ten to one the other boys will lug along their guns too. Only, remember this. We want that guy alive to hang up as an example, so just grab him... don’t shoot him!”

“Shucks. I wanted to plug him!” the other fellow said, his face falling.

Teddy glanced at his watch. “Come on, men, it’s time to go. Stay next to your car radios so you can catch the broadcast. As soon as he is located, the position will be phoned to the closest spot, then be on the lookout for any suspicious looking autos or trucks!” The little group went out and piled into four cars. Radios were tuned in on the station that usually was interrupted, and ears were ready to catch every word.

Fifteen minutes later Teddy pulled up to his station on the corner of two busy streets, and stopped outside a drug store. A block away he saw another of the cars. He pulled down the back seat and took out a .30 rifle, jacked a shell into the chamber and sat back to wait. It wasn’t long, however. The station suddenly went off and a deep voice came on.

This was it! The Voice droned on, warning of terrible things to come. It told the people to stop the war... surrender. Teddy smiled mirthlessly.

He ducked out and ran into the drug store and stayed near the phone. Outside of himself and the clerks, the place was empty. Then it came. The phone rang shrilly, and Teddy grabbed it. “Teddy speaking, go ahead.”

“This is Al. Sounds like the sending set is moving south on Main Street. Not going fast as far as we can tell. Hop to it, boy!”

“Right!” Ted hung up quickly. He ran to the car, flipped the lights on three times to signal to two other cars that could see him, and peered down Main Street. And there it was, the only car on the block... a huge moving van going about thirty. Again Ted’s lights went on and off. The other two cars pulled ahead to intercept the van. But the men in the truck recognized it as a signal!

Abruptly, the Voice went off! The van sped forward. With a grinding of gears, Ted tried to cut it off, but he was too late. The van passed by, then out of the tail came the spitting of guns! Bullet holes jumped into his windshield and ripped through the fenders! Ted ducked low behind the wheel and took up the chase. The other cars caught what happened and fell in behind him.

It was a mad chase! The van twisted and turned through the streets, narrowly missing parked cars. Pedestrians screamed as bullets whined through the air. In no time, they reached the outskirts of the city and were tearing into the suburbs. If the van got much further it would make its escape. That couldn’t happen! Ted hefted the rifle with one hand and steadied it against the window frame... the barrel jutting through a hole made by a Nazi bullet!

Wham! The gun bucked in his hand!... And a man fell out of the back of the truck. A lucky shot! Again rifles spat from the dark blob that was the truck, and shots screamed by. Ted knew that sooner or later they wouldn’t miss. Suddenly the other cars were alongside. Jack motioned to throw a strong fire at the truck. Ted nodded.

Rifles came up and leveled at the van. Ted tried to aim at the tires. Suddenly the three guns let go with a tremendous roar. Immediately fresh shells went in. Again they blasted... and the truck ahead swerved sharply. They got a tire! It swung all over the road... then veered to one side. A steel telephone pole was in the way. A rending crash split the night; brakes squealed as the cars stopped.

Guns ready, the young men piled out and tore for the van. It was a mess. Groans came from inside. Teddy ripped off the covering and crawled in. From the looks of things they would give no trouble. One distinguished-looking man, a prominent figure in the newspapers was trapped under a huge generator. Ted let out a low whistle. The other men came in and they dragged out the Nazis.

The next day the headlines screamed out the story — how American youth rallied to beat off a vicious propaganda attack. Everyone of the group was covered with glory. Teddy leaned back in his seat and sighed. To no one in particular, he said, “After all that action, plain living is too dull! Me for the Signal Corps where I can do a little sending again... instead of just listening!”

Funny thing, but at that moment there were about fifty other guys thinking the same thing!