Purrfect Advice. Purrfect Passion. A Purrfect Gnomeful

“And your mother and her friend. I know,” she said with a slight grin. No other town would ever allow civilians to insert themselves into a murder inquiry, but things were different in Hampton Cove, and since the Chief always got his guy, or gal, she didn’t mind.

“Yeah, well, my mother likes to stick her nose where it doesn’t belong. If you want me to call her off, I’ll gladly do so.”

“No, no, that’s all right. So what’s the verdict?”

“Nothing yet. My niece just called me. They’ve interviewed every possible suspect and so far nothing. And Chase checked out the alibi of Kirk’s business partner and it checks out, so he’s off the hook, too.”

“And no other suspects so far?”

“None. But don’t you worry, Madam Mayor. We’re on the case, and we’ll nail the bastard.”

“How many times do I have to tell you to call me Charlene, Chief?”

“And how many times do I have to tell you to call me Alec, Madam Mayor?”

“All right. Why don’t we cross over at the same time… Alec?”

“Good idea… Charlene.” They were both silent for a beat, then Alec cleared his throat. “Um, I have to get back to work, Charlene. But I’ll keep you posted on the investigation.”

“Thanks, Alec.”

They both rang off, and Charlene stared out at the form of the Chief seated behind his desk for a moment, then returned to her own desk. She wondered now if Gabi had already answered her question, and surfed to theGazette website, and then to the advice section. And with a cry of joy she saw that her question was featured at the top of the page.

‘Dear Gabi. My first husband died a couple of years ago, and I’ve been a widow ever since, with no intention of letting another man into my heart. But lately I’ve felt a distinct flutter in my heart each time I encounter a certain colleague of mine. And I have the impression he likes me, too.Do you think I should encourage these feelings? Or will this only lead to awkwardness in the workplace? Signed, Timid Heart.’

With bated breath, the mayor read on, for Gabi’s much-anticipated response.

‘Dear Timid Heart. I think you should leave well enough alone. After all, you don’t want to thwart the man’s ambitions by making him your husband. Have you considered maybe he wants to be mayor himself and not your arm candy? So be smart and back off.’

Charlene jerked back, a little shocked. How had Gabi guessed that she was the mayor? She’d sent in the message anonymously, through the website contact form.

She glanced around, as if anticipating the entire town of Hampton Cove to look at her as if she was some kind of floozie, intent on snagging their chief of police as arm candy.

And as she shook her head, she vowed that this was the first and last time she ever asked Gabi a question. And as she bit her lip, she suddenly wondered if Alec read the advice column. She hoped he didn’t, and wouldn’t read her question, or Gabi’s response.

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The moment Alec hung up the phone, he brought his computer back to life by tapping the space bar. Someone had asked Gabi a question, and her answer had been as strange and inappropriate as the one answering his own question.

He read the question again. Something about a woman wanting to date her colleague but being afraid of the consequences if it didn’t work out.

It was exactly the kind of question he’d asked himself, but in regard to Charlene. He liked her, he had to admit, but didn’t think she liked him back. And Gabi’s weird responses weren’t exactly helpful. If he didn’t know any better he would have thought it was his own mother writing Gabi’s letters. Which was impossible, of course. Dan Goory would never allow Vesta to take over the advice column, and in the process rub the entire population of Hampton Cove the wrong way.

Or would he?

Chapter 27

“We have to do something, Max,” said Dooley.

“I know,” I said.

“This can’t go on.”

“I know.”

“If this keeps up there will be droppings in Odelia’s bed next.”

“I know.”

“On her pillow.”

“I know!”

We both sat staring at the top step to the basement, where now a neat row of droppings had been placed, one next to the other, like little soldiers on parade. There were a dozen of them, all in all, perfectly shaped and lined up with Teutonic precision.

Behind us, Harriet and Brutus had entered, and now joined us.

“Is that what I think it is?” said Harriet.

Both Dooley and I nodded silently.

“We talked to Clarice this afternoon,” Brutus announced.

“Oh?” I said, still staring at the droppings. I simply couldn’t drag my eyes away from the horrid sight. And if I pricked up my ears, I could almost hear the mice snicker in the basement, imagining the looks on our faces at the sight of their latest offering.

“She told us either to eat the mice, or to convince Odelia to put out humane mousetraps and catch them, then put them somewhere.”

“She gobbled up a rat,” said Harriet. “Can you imagine? An entire rat! Brr.”

“It was a horrible sight,” Brutus confirmed. “One that will haunt me forever.”

“We talked to Jasmine,” I said. “Mia Gray’s Persian?”

“I think she’s actually Allison Gray’s Persian,” Dooley corrected me gently.

“Right. Well, she told us the same thing. To eat the mice and show them who’s boss. She claims it’s a cat’s duty to keep their human’s house free of mice and other vermin.”

“It’s sound advice,” Brutus agreed. “But I can’t do it.”

“Me neither,” said Harriet.

“Or me,” I said.

“And me,” Dooley muttered.

“We’re a couple of pussies, aren’t we, you guys?” said Harriet with a sad laugh.

“Yeah, real pussies,” I agreed.

“So there’s only one thing we can do now,” said Brutus, “and that’s to give Odelia the bad news, and tell her the only way to get rid of the creatures is to collect them in traps and put them out to pasture someplace far, far away, and hope they don’t come back.”

“They came back this time, didn’t they?” said Harriet. “So what makes you think they won’t come back again?”

We were all quiet for a moment, as we contemplated a life filled with mouse droppings from now, more and more each day, until we drowned in the stuff. It was not a pleasant thought.

“Oh, before I forget,” said Harriet suddenly, “Chloe has written new answers to your questions.”

“New answers?” I said. “What do you mean?”

“Well, it turns out she made a mistake. A silly mistake. She mixed up the questions and answers, or at least someone did, and so she decided to write a rectification.”

“A whatsification?” asked Dooley.

“Just read it, will you? I think you’ll like this answer better than the last one.”

I moved over to the couch, hopped on, and switched on the tablet. Harriet was right: Chloe’s column had two new items.

“Dear Brave Heart,” I read aloud. “My apologies for my last response. I never meant to call you obnoxious. A terrible mix-up. Please don’t worry about finding love again. Human nature and feline nature both are resilient, and the heart even more so. At any age and under any circumstances can a person, or a cat, find love, for the first time or the second time or the hundredth time. Don’t doubt it for a second. Yours, Chloe.”

I wiped away a tear as Dooley read his response.

“So beautiful,” I muttered. “I love it.”

“Dear Hopeful Heart,” Dooley read. “Static electricity indeed is a powerful force of nature, and shouldn’t be underestimated. Do I think that there’s still hope for your friends to have lots and lots of babies? Of course I do! And I think it’s so wonderful of you to ask the question. Itshows that you’re a true friend with your heart in the right place—a friend that every cat would be proud to have. Always yours, Chloe.”

“What a lovely response!” Dooley cried, his eyes moist.

Even Harriet’s eyes were suspiciously shiny, and Brutus was wiping at his face.

“So nice of Chloe to correct her mistake,” I said in a husky voice. “And so nice to know that there’s still a chance for Mia to find love again.”

“And for you guys to have babies!” said Dooley. “Lots and lots of them!”

Harriet laughed, and so did Brutus.

“Now all you need to do is rub up against each other as much as you can,” said Dooley. “Create plenty of static electricity. And you see that it will happen. Chloe said so.”

“Yes, Chloe said so,” Harriet agreed, and for some reason pressed Dooley to her bosom and gave him a big smacking kiss on the brow. “You’re the best, Dooley. And you, Max.”

But before she could repeat the procedure with me, I respectfully bowed out. Don’t get me wrong. I like Harriet. In fact I love her like a sister, but I don’t enjoy wet kisses planted all over my face, thank you very much.

And I was just scanning the website again to read Chloe’s answer a second time, when something whizzed past my field of vision, and when I looked up, I saw that a mouse was racing past, on its way from the kitchen to the basement, hoisting a very large piece of cheese over its tiny little cranium, and cackling all the way with glee!

Chapter 28

When Odelia arrived home that night, she had the impression that her cats were looking at her a little strangely. She didn’t know why, and when she asked them, they acted surprised, so she decided not to pursue the matter. If there was something wrong, sooner or later they’d tell her.

Before she left the house through the kitchen door, she asked Harriet if everything was all right, and Harriet gave her a wink and said that Chloe’s new answers had proven a big hit with Max and Dooley.

“That’s great,” said Odelia with a smile. She didn’t like it when her cats didn’t get along, and it was nice to see that the wrinkles had all been smoothed out again.

She walked through the opening in the hedge that divided her backyard from her parents’, then into the house through the kitchen. Mom was busily cooking something, but looked a little out of sorts, she thought.

“What’s wrong?” she asked.

Mom looked up, as if she hadn’t even noticed she’d joined her. “Mh? Oh, nothing.” And as she chopped some onions, she suddenly said, “Do you remember what we were talking about yesterday?”

“You mean the trip to Europe?”

“Yeah, that. Well, I posted a follow-up question, and you’ll never guess what Gabi wrote.”

“I think I can guess,” said Odelia.

“She told me not to be so selfish and think about myself all the time while I have a brother who wants to become the next mayor and isn’t doing a damn thing about it.”

“Sounds familiar,” said Odelia, nodding.

“Almost as if your grandmother wrote that,” said Mom, wiping away a tear.

“Oh, don’t cry, Mom,” said Odelia, who hated to see her mother sad.

“I’m not,” said Mom in a choked voice. “It’s the onions.”

Odelia was going to say something else, but just then her dad walked in, planted a kiss on the top of her head, then gave his wife a kiss on the cheek and said,“The weirdest thing. Vesta didn’t show up for work today, or call. Any idea what could have happened?”

“Gran decided to help me out with an investigation,” said Odelia.

“Oh, not again,” said her father, sounding a little dismayed.

“Yeah, and she even has a new sleuthmate.”

“Who?”

“Scarlett Canyon. The two of them have been interrogating people all day today, and yesterday, too.”

“Scarlett Canyon,” said Dad, looking stunned. “And they haven’t killed each other?”

“Not yet,” said Odelia.

“But… I thought your grandmother hated Scarlett?” said Mom, wiping her hands on her apron.

“I thought so, too, but they’ve been doing amazingly. They interviewed Kirk’s wife today, and got a lot of information out of her, and then they went back to Allison Gray’s place and interviewed the entire staff.”

“I wonder how long it will last,” said Dad. “Not long, I imagine.”

And as if summoned, Gran walked in, and said,“Need any help, Marge?”

“Yes, if you could get the lamb chops out of the fridge for me, and start on those?”

Gran did as she was told, and didn’t even offer a word of protest, which was a rare thing. Odelia, Mom and Dad shared a look of surprise, and as Gran started preparing dinner, along with Mom, with Odelia and Dad lending a hand, Gran was surprisingly docile.

“So I hear you’ve been working together with Scarlett?” asked Mom finally, when she couldn’t restrain herself any longer.

“Yeah, we have. Investigating the murder of Kirk Weaver, the cat whisperer. Nasty business. But also fascinating. Do you want me to make dessert, Marge? It’s no bother.”

“Yes, please,” said Mom, a little stunned at so much obsequiousness.

“And what have you found out so far?” asked Dad.

“Nothing much, except that Kirk was a womanizer of the first water. And the weird thing is that it worked for him, too. He slept with every single female in Allison’s house, Allison and her niece included.”

“Well, someone must have been upset with him,” said Mom. “Or else they wouldn’t have killed him.”

“Yeah, someone hated the guy,” Gran confirmed. “So have you asked Max to help you, Odelia?”

“Not yet. My cats looked a little out of sorts when I got home just now, and I have no idea why.”

“Oh, I know why,” said Mom. “Harriet told me. It’s these mice you’ve got in your basement. They have no idea what to do about them.”

Dad emitted a curt bark of laughter.“Four cats and they don’t know what to do about the mice.”

“No, they don’t. Harriet told me she consulted with Clarice, and she told them to simply eat a couple, but Harriet doesn’t want to go there, and neither do the others. And Max and Dooley asked Jasmine, Allison Gray’s cat, and she told them the same thing: cats eat mice, and if you don’t want to eat them, you’re not a real cat.”

“Oh, poor babies,” said Odelia. “That’s why they looked so forlorn. They probably think that because they don’t want to kill mice they’re not real cats.”

“Well, they’re not,” said Dad, who was slicing tomatoes and taking about five minutes per slice. “Cats eat mice. That’s a fact. And if they don’t, what does that make them?”

“It makes them humane felines,” said Mom, a little heatedly, “and in my book that’s a damn good thing.”

“Okay, fine,” said Dad, and dumped the tomatoes into a bowl, then walked out of the kitchen.

Gran and Odelia shared a look of surprise.“Are you and Dad having a fight?” asked Odelia finally.

“Oh, it’s this whole European trip thing,” said Mom, pressing a hand to her forehead and looking very tired all of a sudden. “Tex doesn’t want to go, since he’s got so much on his plate at the office, and I have a feeling we’ll never get out of Hampton Cove and see the rest of the world. And when I asked Gabi all she told me was this nonsensical stuff about Alec running for mayor.”

“You’re not happy with Gabi’s answer?” asked Gran as she popped an olive into her mouth.

“No, I’m not. I don’t know where Dan got that woman but she’s obviously crazy. She only has one answer for every single question: Alec should run for mayor. Almost as if…” She paused, directed a curious look at her mother, then turned around and started fiddling with the oven.

“And you, Odelia? Did you like the answer Gabi gave you?” asked Gran.

“I liked the first one, but not the latest one. I asked if I should gently prompt Chase to set a date for the wedding, or leave well enough alone, and instead she wrote something about Uncle Alec running for mayor. As if there’s nothing more important in the whole wide world than running for mayor, while we have a perfectly fine mayor already in place, and Uncle Alec loves his job and would never want another.”

“I see,” said Gran quietly. “Yeah, that doesn’t sound like the kind of answer I’d hope to get.”

“Did you ask her anything?” asked Mom.

“Not yet, but I’m thinking about it,” said Gran, gritting her teeth a little. “In fact I think I’m going to write her a nice big letter first thing tomorrow. And if she tells me I should make Alec run for mayor I just might go over there and give her a punch in the snoot.”

“Go where?” asked Odelia. “Gabi lives in the Midwest.”

But Gran was already walking out of the kitchen to go and watchJeopardy.

Chapter 29

That night, instead of stepping out and going to the park to hang out with my friends, I decided to stay in and guard Odelia’s bedroom. I may not be as keen on swallowing down mice like Clarice or Jasmine, but that doesn’t mean I’ll stand idly by while they deposit the products of their digestive process on my human’s pillowcase.

So I’d jumped up on the bed and decided to be vigilant. If a mouse came sneaking into the room to do its dirty deed under the cover of nightfall, I’d simply jump on top of it and make sure it thought twice before giving the dastardly scheme a second thought.

And so it was that I was soon snoring away to my heart’s content. What? It’s hard to have to listen to two humans fast asleep nearby and not fall asleep yourself, too.

It must have been the middle of the night when I woke up from a strange sound, and I gave my friend Dooley a poke in the ribs.

“But how do you keep it so white, Jasmine—what?” he said, awakening with a start.

“I think I heard something,” I said. “Listen.”

He listened, and so did I. And there it was again. A soft trip-trip-tripping sound.

He whispered,“I hear a tripping sound, Max. Like tiny little feet.”

“Yeah, me too.”

So we both dropped down from the bed and tiptoed into the corridor to see what was going on.

And as we looked down from the landing and into the living room below, the most horrendous sight greeted our eyes: dozens and dozens of mice were forming a long conga line that stretched all the way to the kitchen, and were raiding the fridge, items of food being carried back to the basement!

“No way!” I cried, and was already starting down the stairs before having come up with a strategy of campaign.

Napoleon Bonaparte would have told me that engaging in battle without a proper plan of action is usually a bad idea, and he would have been right. By the time I was downstairs, the mice had all disappeared, and so had the food!

“They must have heard me,” I said, panting as Dooley joined me in the kitchen.

The fridge was open, and it was practically empty, the kitchen a mess. The cheeky little buggers had even gnawed a hole in our bag of kibble, and absconded with a fair amount! Obviously the mice had done themselves well, and all of it under our noses!

“That’s it,” I told Dooley. “I can’t stand this anymore!” And I made for the basement.

“What are you going to do, Max?” he cried.

“I have no idea, but I have to do something! Put my paw down, at the very least.”

So I descended the wooden stairs into the darkness, and quickly saw that I was on enemy terrain: dozens of beady little eyes were blinking back at me in the semi-darkness, and I could even hear giggling and snickering.

“Hey, Tom,” said one of the mice. “Come to pay us a visit, have you?”

“My name is Max,” I said, “Not Tom.”

“And my name is Dooley,” said Dooley.

“I want to speak to your leader,” I said, looking around for the biggest, meanest mouse of the bunch.

“We don’t have a leader,” said one of the mice. “But we do have a pa. Pa!” he hollered. “There’s someone here to see you!”

And there he was: a big and hairy mouse, though not the biggest of the bunch, as I’d surmised.

“What do you want?” he asked, not all that friendly.

“I want you to vacate these premises at once,” I said. “This is not your home, and I want you to leave. All of you. Now.”

More laughter and more snickers.“Look, this is our home just as much as it is yours, cat,” said the mouse.

“No, it’s not. Odelia has taken us in, she’s adopted us. She never adopted you lot.”

“Well, like it or not, we’re here to stay.”

“Look, this can’t go on like this. First the poo, and now the fridge. This is too much!”

He frowned.“Poo? What poo?”

“The poo on the stairs. First one poo, and then a dozen, and tomorrow probably a hundred!”

The mouse glanced around at his flock, and said, in a stern kind of voice,“What’s all this about poo on steps, kids?”

“Oh, it was just a joke, Pa,” said one of the smaller mice.

“Yeah, just joshing,” said another.

“Look, we run a clean house,” said the mouse, “and there will be no pooping on stairs, all right? Do I make myself clear?”

Another mouse came joining the first one, emerging from a tiny hole in the wall, right next to the bicycle Chase had once put there, with a view to one day restoring it.

“What’s all this shouting, Pa?” asked the newcomer. “I can’t sleep for all the noise.”

“Ma, your kids have been very naughty,” said the mouse called Pa.

“They’re your kids, too, Pa.” She sighed. “What have they done this time?”

“Well, cat? What have they done?” asked Pa.

“They’ve pooped on the basement stairs,” said Dooley.

“By all accounts not a nice thing to do,” I added.

“No, that’s not very nice at all. Kids, what have I always told you?” said Ma.

“No pooping in the house,” dozens of mice dutifully intoned.

“So what’s this I hear about you misbehaving?”

“We’re sorry, Ma,” said one of the mice.

“It won’t happen again,” said another.

“Damn skippy it won’t happen again. Cause if it does, I’ll spank your bottoms so hard you won’t be able to sit on your tails for a week!”

“And then there’s the matter of the fridge,” I pointed out.

“What fridge? What are you talking about?” asked Pa.

“Your offspring were just raiding the fridge, emptying it out.”

“Kids!” bellowed Pa. “Is this true?”

“Yeah, Pa,” said one of his kids.

“Just having a midnight snack,” said another.

“Midnight cravings are no excuse to go and steal food!” said Pa.

“Your pa and I provide you with plenty of nutritious food so you don’t have to go out and steal from the nice people inhabiting this house,” said his wife.

“Yes, Ma. Yes, Pa,” said the kids, sounding annoyed to be told off in front of two cats.

“Now if there’s nothing else, I’d like to go back to sleep, cat,” said Ma.

“My name is Max, by the way,” I said, starting to see I’d totally misread these mice.

“And I’m Dooley,” said Dooley.

“I’m Helga, and this is Hector, and we run a clean house with strict rules. No pooping on steps, no stealing of food, no chewing on computer cables. We provide our kids a nutritious diet consisting of berries and seeds we source from the backyard, insects and beetles we find inside, and in so doing keep your house free of bugs and roaches and suchlike pests. We believe in paying our dues and being a credit to any homeowner.”

“Yeah, we don’t want any trouble, Max,” said Hector. “And I apologize for my kids’ appalling behavior. They’re a little rambunctious sometimes, but they’re good kids.”

“I’d like to add it’s very good of you to keep us informed of what they’ve been up to,” said Helga with a nod. “There’s so many of them it’s hard to keep track sometimes.”

“So… can you guarantee us this won’t happen again?” I asked.

“You have my word, Max,” said Hector, holding up a small paw. “I believe in being neighborly, and I hope you feel the same way.”

“Well, I do, actually,” I said, much relieved as I tapped his paw. “I mean, if you promise to keep the house free of bugs and roaches, I don’t see why we all can’t live together.”

“In perfect harmony,”Dooley sang softly.

“That’s exactly what I mean,” said Hector, looking pleased, his nose twitching happily.

“Now if there’s nothing further, I’m going back to sleep,” said his wife. “I have an early day tomorrow, and it’s very late already. So goodnight, cats. And goodnight, kids.”

“Goodnight, Ma,” said the kids. “Goodnight, Pa.”

And before I could say anything more, Helga and her offspring were gone. One moment they were there, the next they’d disappeared into the walls.

“So are we good?” asked Hector anxiously.

“Yeah, we’re good,” I said. “I’ll tell Odelia she doesn’t have anything to worry about.”

“Odelia is the homeowner?”

“Yeah, she is. She’s nice. She’s not going to try and kill you with poison or whatever.”

“You’re pretty exceptional cats yourselves. You don’t hunt mice, like most cats do?”

“No, we don’t believe in that sort of thing,” I said.

“We’re humanists,” Dooley explained.

“Admirable,” said Hector.

“Oh, one more question,” I said. “A couple of months ago there was a family of mice living next door. That wasn’t you guys, was it?”

“No, that was Molly and Rupert.” He sniffed. “We don’t like Rupert. He’s a distant cousin thrice removed, but hasn’t got the same high standards and values we have. He’s more what you might call a squatter, and for that reason gets kicked out of his home on a regular basis. We believein keeping ourselves to ourselves, and not making trouble.”

“It’s better this way,” I said.

“Much better,” Dooley agreed.

“Okay, well, sleep tight, fellas. And don’t let the bed bugs bite. And if they do, just tell me and I’ll gladly take them off your paws.” And laughing at his own little joke, he retreated, and once again the basement was quiet as a… mouse.

And as Dooley and I trudged up the stairs again, he whispered,“Very nice people, these mice, Max.”

And I had to admit that he was right. They were very nice. And they’d just saved us a lot of trouble.

“You see, Dooley,” I said. “Not all cats show brute force when fighting a mouse infestation. Some cats show kindness, decency and respect, and it gets you just as far.”

“Or even further.”

“Or even further,” I agreed.

I just hoped Hector and Helga would be able to keep their rambunctious family on a tight rein.

Chapter 30

Scarlett Canyon woke up from an incessant ringing, and glanced over to her nightstand, wondering if by some act of stupidity she’d put her alarm clock last night. But then she remembered she hadn’t owned an alarm clock in years. When she retired she’d thrown it in the trash and good riddance, too. After selling clothes for a living for over forty years, enough was enough.

She picked up her phone and saw that it was only five o’clock, and realized simultaneously that it was actually her doorbell that was ringing, and not her alarm.

Now what kind of fool could be ringing her doorbell at such an ungodly hour?

Cursing, she got out of bed, removed the hair cover that kept her platinum perm in position, and removed the gel mask that kept her face in position.

Staggering across the bedroom floor, she grabbed her nightgown, cinched the strap, and walked to the front door of her apartment. Peeking through the little peephole, she was surprised to find Vesta Muffin standing on her doorstep.

Relief, too, though, if she had to be honest. At least it wasn’t some Jack the Ripper wannabe come to carve her up, or the taxman to announce that the IRS had had another look at her file and decided she owed a couple of thousand dollars in back taxes.

So she opened the door and said in merry voice,“Don’t tell me you found a clue and couldn’t wait to tell me!”

But Vesta’s face spelled storm, and Scarlett’s own face sagged, in spite of the fancy treatments she paid to keep it scaffolded in place. “I want a word with you,” said Vesta, and stomped in without waiting for an invitation.

Scarlett rolled her eyes, and muttered,“Here we go again.” She closed the door and followed her surprise guest into the living room. “What is it this time?” she asked. “Let me guess. Dan decided to give me a raise and not you and now you’re upset.”

“You’ve been sabotaging me,” said Vesta, wagging a pointy finger in her face. “And you thought I wouldn’t notice. Huh!”

“Sabotaging you? I have no idea what you’re talking about, but I can already tell you I don’t like to be accused of stuff I didn’t do.”

“You’ve been answering my family’s letters, pretending that these answers came from me, and giving them asinine advice.”

Scarlett shrugged.“I don’t know what you mean.”

“Here. Listen to this,” said Vesta, and took out her phone. “My daughter wrote asking about a trip to Europe she’d like to take with her husband. Your response? ‘Screw your trip to Europe. Why are you being so selfish? Your brother wants to run for mayor and your job should be to help himsince he’s not doing a damn thing about it himself.’”

Scarlett smiled. She couldn’t help it. It had the effect of a red flag on a bull, though.

“You did it on purpose! You tried to push me out! Admit it!”

Scarlett held up her hands.“Okay, all right! Dan told me he was hiring a second Gabi and when I discovered it was you I figured I needed to get rid of you as fast as I could!”

“But you told me two days ago you didn’t know he’d hired a second Gabi!”

“I lied, all right. He told me so I got nervous. And then I happened to look at his computer one day and saw your name and got even more nervous.”

“But why? There’s plenty of work for the two of us.”

“I panicked, okay! I just figured that if you came on board and Dan saw the quality of your responses, he’d soon realize you were the better Gabi and can my ass. So I decided to get rid of you before you got rid of me. Call it self-defense, but yeah, basically I tried to screw you over.”

She was standing, arms across her chest, nostrils flaring and eyes blazing. For some reason Vesta always managed to get a rise out of her.

“You tried to get me canned because you thought I was better than you? That’s just crazy!”

“Yeah, well, I read some of your stuff and it was pretty darn good.”

“I thought the same thing when I saw your stuff. I thought I could never beat you, so I did my best to live up to the standard you set.”

Scarlett looked up at this.“You thought my stuff was good?”

“Of course I did! The things you told Mrs. Baumgartner about her hypochondria was brilliant. And it worked! She hasn’t been in for days now. Used to be she was there every single day.”

“Yeah, I was kinda proud of that one,” said Scarlett.

“You’re good, Scarlett, so there really was no need to go after me.”

“Well, to be honest, I haven’t gone after you since we started working together on the Kirk Weaver case. Those answers were all written when I still hated your guts.”

“And when I still hated your guts,” said Vesta.

They stared at each other for a moment, then both burst out laughing.“We’re two crazy old bitches, aren’t we?” said Scarlett.

“Speak for yourself, you crazy old bitch,” said Vesta, and added, “You know I’ve enjoyed these last two days, working this case together. I’d forgotten how much fun we used to have, before Jack came between us.”

“Yeah, I should never have gotten involved with that loser,” said Scarlett. “He was a no-good jerk for cheating on you. Did you know he actually told me you were on a break?”

“Yeah, you told me about a million times. Only I never believed you.”

“But you do now, don’t you?”

Vesta hesitated.“The thing is, even if we were on a break, that still didn’t give you the right to bone my husband.”

“I know. That wasn’t my finest hour. He was crying, you know, and telling him how much he missed you, and how sad he was, and so I decided to comfort him and then one thing led to another and then you came in.”

“I know. I was there, remember?”

“Vividly.”

Vesta smiled.“Jack was an asshole.”

“He was an asshole.”

“Come here,” said Vesta, and then they hugged. It felt good.

“I missed you,” said Scarlett, in a choky voice.

“Me, too. Though I enjoyed our tussles.”

“Does this mean we’re not going to fight anymore?”

“I don’t know. We could, for old times’ sakes. But right now I feel like I need a friend more than I need an enemy.”

They let go and took a seat at the table.

“We’re both of us not getting any younger, Scarlett,” said Vesta. “So maybe it’s time to bury the hatchet and be friends again?”

“I would like that,” said Scarlett, wiping away a tear.

Vesta studied her for a moment.“Also, I don’t think I’ve seen you without the face paint these last couple of decades.”

“And? I probably look as if I walked out a tomb, right?”

“Nah, actually you look a lot better without makeup. More natural.”

“Yeah, right.”

“No, really.”

“Do you want something? Tea, coffee… bourbon?”

“All of the above,” said Vesta with a grin.

Chapter 31

Odelia woke up feeling a little groggy. Somehow she’d dreamt of mice, and when she opened her eyes she found Max lying next to her, staring straight into her eyes, sphinx-style.

“Max,” she said, rubbing her eyes, then stretching. “What’s going on?”

“I just had an idea,” he announced.

“Uh-huh. That’s great. Can you tell me when I’m fully awake, or do you want to tell me now?”

“Now.”

“Yeah, okay. So what is it?”

“So Kirk was a womanizer, right?”

“Right,” she said, dragging her mind back to the case with some difficulty. She never was at her best or sharpest before she’d had her first coffee of the day.

“So of course he got with every single woman at Allison Gray’s place, right?”

“Uh-huh.”

“But what if he didn’t stop there? I mean, he was in town for a couple of weeks, and so at some point he must have run out of candidates. So what if he went into town and met a few more women and bedded them, too. And what if one of them had a husband who wasn’t too keen on Kirk seducing his lady love and decided to get some of his own back? Or maybe even the husband of one of the women at the house?”

“Brilliant,” Odelia muttered, and tried to sit up. Unfortunately Max was heavy, and pinning down the comforter, so she was effectively trapped. “Absolutely brilliant.”

“So what I suggest is that we start canvassing in town, and look at places where Kirk was seen. I’m thinking restaurants, bars, shops… the gym. And maybe look at security footage, too. We need to figure out what other women he was involved with.”

“Sounds like a plan,” said Odelia, and started crawling over Chase, who now stirred.

“Nice,” he muttered. “Jumping my bones while I’m asleep. Have you no shame, woman?”

“Sorry, babe. The other exit is blocked.”

“So what do you think?” asked Max.

Odelia had passed Chase and now dropped to the floor on the other side of the bed.

“Are you all right down there?” asked Chase.

“Yeah, fine,” she croaked.

“You could have just told me about my morning breath, you know,” he said. “You didn’t have to jump ship.”

“You don’t have morning breath,” she said. “In fact you smell delicious in the morning. Almost too delicious for anyone to have a right to.”

“Thanks, babe,” he said with a smile. “I wish I could say the same about you.”

She screwed up her face in a comical expression and slapped him on the chest.“Nasty,” she said. “Very nasty, sir.”

“Just kidding. So what’s going on?”

“Max had an idea. Um… What was your idea, Max?”

“Kirk’s other girlfriends. We need to find them and talk to them.”

“Max says that Kirk must have other girlfriends besides Allison and Mia, so maybe finding them will tell us something.”

“Sounds like a plan,” said Chase, then yawned. “Why don’t I make us some breakfast, and you make us some coffee.”

“Good idea,” she said, and started in the direction of the door.

“Oh, and Dooley and I made a deal with the mice,” said Max.

“You made a deal? What do you mean?”

“We negotiated a truce last night. They won’t bother us, if we don’t bother them.”

She stared at him. Was she still dreaming or had Max actually said he’d negotiated a truce with the colony of mice infesting her house?

“What did he say, babe?” asked Chase, also getting up now.

“I’m not sure. I think he said he’s negotiated a truce with the mice, but that sounds so unlikely I’m sure I misheard.”

“No, you didn’t, Odelia,” said Dooley, who now walked in. “We talked to the mice last night, and Helga and Hector promised us that their kids will behave from now on, and if they don’t all we need to do is say the word. They’re very anxious to do the right thing, aren’t they, Max?”

“Yeah, they’re very nice mice. Responsible parents, too.”

Odelia shook her head.“Mice, parents, Hector, Helga,” she muttered.

“Mh?” said Chase.

“I’m simply repeating what Dooley just told me.”

“Sounds like gibberish to me,” said Chase with a wink to Max and Dooley.

“Coffee,” Odelia said. “And quick.”

“Listen, babe,” said Chase as they both descended the stairs, “I know we said we wouldn’t plan our dinners anymore, as something always seems to come up at the last minute, but maybe we can give it one more shot? How about the Bourvil tonight at eight? I met the owner yesterday. He came into the office for some paperwork dealing with his restaurant’s security, and told me they have a live band every Thursday night. He said he’d reserve us a table with a great view of the band. So how about it?”

“Yeah, let’s do it,” she said as she walked into the kitchen and started the coffee maker. “Let’s tempt fate one last time.”

“Great,” he said and planted a kiss on her brow.

Odelia opened the fridge and had the distinct impression things had been rearranged there, and lots of stuff had disappeared.

“Oh, that’s right,” said Max as he came padding into the kitchen. “The mice did that. But Hector promised me it wouldn’t happen again. In fact he was shocked when I told him about what happened.”

“Shocked,” Odelia repeated. “Hector the mouse was shocked.” She sighed. Sometimes she had the feeling she was living in an upside-down version of the real world.

Chapter 32

I was in excellent fettle as we started on our day, and a busy day it was, too. We were out in full force, determined to find Kirk’s killer. Chase and Odelia had teamed up, and so had Scarlett and Vesta, and of course Dooley and myself, and also Harriet and Brutus.

Our only objective was to find more potential suspects, and possibly the other women I had a hunch Kirk had associated with.

Vesta and Scarlett did the shops, Odelia and Chase canvassed the restaurants and bars, and we cats talked to any pets we could find that would be able to shed some light on this cat whisperer’s complicated and extremely busy love life.

As usual, we dropped by Kingman first. As the cat who saw all and knew all, it only made sense he’d be the one to deliver us that telling clue—the one clue that rules them all.

Unfortunately, for once Kingman had decided to let us down. In fact all he could talk about was… Chloe.

“I’m in love, you guys,” he said. “In love with Chloe, if you please.”

“Chloe? You mean Shanille?”

“Yeah. Probably. Maybe. I mean, look, intellectually I know that Chloe is Shanille, but emotionally I don’t, if you see what I mean.”

“No, actually I don’t.”

“Look, I read Chloe’s words and they just make me feel so close to her, you know. And they make my heart beat faster. Here, feel this.” And he grabbed my paw and placed it against his sizable and decidedly soft belly. I felt a rumbling sensation.

“I think your heart is located a little higher, Kingman,” I said.

“Yeah, whatever,” said Kingman. “It’s just that every time I read these words, I just know she’s talking to me. Listen to this.” His owner, Wilbur Vickery, had dropped a copy of theGazette on the floor and Kingman now took a seat on top of it and started reading from Chloe’s latest column. “Dear Furry Heart. Don’t despair. Just look around. Love is everywhere. In the faces of the cats you meet, in the birds singing in the trees, in the butterflies flitting in the breeze, and even in the clouds drifting languidly in the blue sky. Love, love, love.” He looked up with a stupid grin on his wide mug. “See what I mean? She loves me, and I love her. We’re meant to be together. I just know it. I can feel it!”

“Um, I’m not sure that’s what it says, Kingman,” I said.

“That’s just because you don’t have a romantic bone in your body, Max. Of course it says that! She’s sending me messages in every single thing she writes. She’s talking to me with every word, every line, every response.”

“So you wrote her?” asked Dooley. “You’re Furry Heart?”

Kingman shrugged.“Not necessarily. But I just know this was meant for me. Me!”

And with a happy sigh he curled up on top of the newspaper, until Wilbur yelled,“Hey, Kingman! Get off that newspaper, will ya? I still gotta sell that thing.”

But Kingman wasn’t deterred. Still smiling beatifically, he got up and allowed Wilbur to pick up the newspaper and replace it on the rack, after wiping off Kingman’s drool.

“So what was the question you wanted to ask me, fellas?” Kingman finally said.

“Nothing,” I said. “It’s fine. We’ll just leave you to it, shall we?”

“Yeah, you do that, and if you see Shanille, tell her I feel the same way.”

And as Dooley and I walked away, Dooley said,“Kingman doesn’t seem entirely okay, Max. I worry about him. In fact he looks a little sickly. Did you see the weird expression on his face? I’m sure he’s coming down with something.”

“Kingman is in love, Dooley,” I said.

“In love? But he looks like he’s sick.”

“Infatuation can be like an affliction,” I explained. “The person feels faint, feverish, experiences strange sensations, and is prone to start giggling inanely at inopportune moments. And when the object of his affection doesn’t reciprocate that affection, he can even feel downright depressed.”

“I hope I never fall in love,” said Dooley earnestly. “It sounds pretty painful.”

“Oh, it’s not as bad as all that,” I hastened to say, and dispel the notion that love was a bad thing. “If the person you love does love you back, you’ll feel like you’re floating on air, and you will have butterflies flying around in your tummy.”

Dooley looked horrified.“Butterflies in my tummy! But how did they get in there, Max? And how do I get them out?!”

I decided not to elucidate. I’d only get myself into more trouble than it was worth. We bumped into Harriet and Brutus, then, in front of The Velvet Box, the jewelry store, and I could see Samantha’s shapely form as she sat in the window display, keeping an eye on things.

“What did Samantha say?” I asked.

“I think we’ve got a winner, Max,” said Harriet. “Samantha said she saw a man fitting Kirk’s description walk into the store a couple of days ago, arm in arm with a blond woman.”

“That sounds promising,” I agreed. “And?”

“Well, she wanted him to buy her a ring, and they looked at a couple, but he was undecided and said he’d come back and then they left. The woman didn’t look happy, Samantha said.”

“Any idea who this woman might be?”

Brutus nodded.“All she knows is that the woman is staying at the Hampton Cove Star, or at least she assumes she does, as they walked out of the store and then walked into the Star and she thinks she saw the woman stroll down Main Street yesterday, arm in arm with another woman.”

“So this woman is blond and… any other distinguishing features?” I asked.

“Nothing special. She was very pretty,” said Harriet. “Her friend had a tattoo, though. A small dolphin on the side of her neck.”

“So now we’re looking for a woman with blond hair, who’s staying at the Star, and who’s friends with a woman with a tattoo of a dolphin,” I summed up this latest haul. “Well done, Harriet and Brutus,” I said warmly. “This might just be the clue we need to catch this killer.”

Harriet and Brutus were both beaming, and suddenly Harriet blurted out,“I’m Chloe, by the way. I’m the one who’s been writing the pet advice column, not Shanille.”

I blinked at this unexpected admission, then smiled.“Thanks for telling us, Harriet. So it was you who called me obnoxious.”

“And me dumb,” said Dooley.

“Yeah, that wasn’t a very nice thing to say. But I misunderstood the question! I thought you were making fun of me. And you, too, Dooley. And that’s why I lashed out. It’s only when you explained to me what you both meant that I repented, and wrote those new answers. Can you ever forgive me?”

“Of course,” I said. “And for what it’s worth, I think you’re a wonderful advice columnist. In fact I think you’re even better than Gabi.”

“I read all your answers,” said Dooley, “and I think they’re simply wonderful—every last one of them.”

“Thanks, you guys,” she said. “I know I should have told you sooner, but I was afraid of what you would say.”

“Is that what you asked Gabi? The secret question you wouldn’t tell us?” I asked, recollecting her early response to Gabi’s column.

“Yeah. I asked her if cats can write advice columns, too, and she said of course they can, and so I figured why not give it a try, you know? Be the first cat in history that enters the advice column world.”

“I would have told you but Harriet told me not to,” said Brutus.

“Well, now that you know, I want to ask you not to tell a soul, all right?” said Harriet. “Only you guys know, and Odelia, and no one else, please.”

“Of course,” I said. “My lips are sealed.”

Dooley stared at me.“No, they’re not. They’re still moving.”

“Just an expression, Dooley,” I said with a smile. “Just an expression.”

And as we went in search of Odelia, to tell her the good news about Kirk’s latest girlfriend, Dooley said, “Kingman is in love with you, Harriet. Or at least he’s in love with Chloe, who he still thinks is Shanille. And he thinks that everything you write is actually written for him, and filled with secret or not-so-secret messages.”

“Well, let him think so,” said Harriet. “Maybe a new romance will come out of this. Which is what Chloe is all about, isn’t it? Spreading sweetness and light?”

“And love,” added Brutus. “Don’t forget about love.”

“How could I forget, my love muffin,” said Harriet, and pressed a kiss to Brutus’s lips.

“Oh, snuggle pooh,” said Brutus.

“Oh, wuggle bear.”

Dooley and I shared a glance. Here we go again, the glance said. Chloe or not, Harriet would always be Harriet. And maybe that wasn’t such a bad thing, either.

Chapter 33

Odelia and Chase hadn’t had much luck so far. None of the restaurants they’d visited remembered seeing a man answering to Kirk Weaver’s description in the last week, and neither had any of the bars or coffee shops. So when Odelia saw her four cats walking down the sidewalk looking excited and happy, she immediately perked up.

“I think they’ve got something,” she told Chase, grabbing his arm.

“Who got what?” he asked, then dropped his gaze to the pavement and got her drift. “Oh, of course.”

“Max,” she said as she crouched down. “Tell me some good news. I could use it right now.”

“Harriet, please tell Odelia what you discovered,” said Max.

“Well, a couple of days ago The Velvet Box had Kirk and a blond woman come in to look at rings. And a couple of days later the same blond woman walked by the store arm in arm with a dark-haired woman with a dolphin tattoo on the side of her neck, and Samantha is pretty sure the blond woman is staying at the Star, so what do you think?”

Odelia laughed, but then got up, as she didn’t want to be seen talking to her cats like a madwoman. “Very good,” she said under her breath as a passerby gave her a strange look. “I think you just blew this case wide open again.”

“Where did she blow the case, Max?” Odelia heard Dooley ask his friends, but she was already darting across the street, followed by Chase, as she honed in on the Hampton Cove Star, the town’s most popular hotel. “We’re looking for a blond woman who’s friends with a dark-haired woman with a dolphin tattoo,” she announced.

“I’m sure we’ll find her in no time,” Chase said dryly. “I mean, how many blond women could there possibly be staying at the Star?”

Only one, she hoped, though it wasn’t likely. They walked in, and headed straight for the front desk, where the desk clerk, a gangly teen, stood checking his phone, a bored expression on his face.

“Hi,” said Chase, producing his badge. “Can you help us out, buddy?”

“Depends,” the pimple-faced youth said, looking annoyed at the interruption.

“We’re looking for a blond woman,” said Odelia, a little out of breath.

“And she’s friends with a dark-haired woman with a dolphin tattoo,” said Chase added. “If that helps.”

“It doesn’t,” said the kid. “Do you have a name for me?”

“No, we don’t,” said Odelia. “But I mean, seriously, how many blond women could possibly be staying at the hotel, right?” She laughed.

The kid didn’t even crack a smile. “I’m afraid you’re going to have to be a little more specific. I need at least a surname.”

“Well, I don’t have a surname to give you. Only a description.”

“Not much of a description, though, is it?”

“Look, who knows the people staying here? Like… members of your housekeeping staff, maybe?”

“You want me to ask the cleaners if they happened to see a blond hair on one of the pillowcases in the last couple of days or so?” he suggested with a smirk.

Odelia suppressed a sudden impulse to grab the kid by the neck and squeeze.

“Don’t you have photo ID in that computer of yours?” asked Chase. “Can’t you scroll through it to look for any blondes?”

“First off, if you think I’ll let you sniff through our computer, think again. There are laws, you know. Privacy and stuff? And secondly, have you ever heard of hair dye? Blond today, brunette tomorrow?”

It was obvious the kid wasn’t going to cooperate, so Odelia took Chase’s arm, and led him into the lobby, where they took a seat on the same burgundy settees they’d sat on the day before. It seemed like they were spending an awful lot of time in this hotel.

“We’ll just sit here and wait until this blond woman and her friend come walking in or out,” she said. “I mean, sooner or later she has to pass by the lobby, right?”

“Could be that she already checked out,” said Chase. “In which case this whole thing is simply an exercise in futility. No, why don’t I call your uncle and maybe he can make this kid stop jerking us around?”

“You mean lean on him until he breaks?”

“Sounds like a plan, right?”

Just then, Vesta and Scarlett waltzed into the lobby, followed by four cats.

“What’s this I hear about a break in the case?” asked Vesta.

“There would be a break in the case, if the kid behind the reception desk would play ball,” said Chase. “But since he’s not, so far we’ve got zip. What have you got?”

“Nothing much. One girl remembers seeing Kirk, but he was by himself. Buying a bra,” said Scarlett, raising her eyebrows meaningfully.

“Probably a present for one of his lady friends,” Chase ventured, at which point all three women present rolled their eyes at him, the gesture clearly telegraphing ‘Duh!’

“Why don’t I have a crack at the kid?” Vesta suggested.

“And me,” said Scarlett, and before Odelia could stop them, both women were stalking up to the reception desk, the kid eyeing them with a distinct sense of disdain. He clearly wasn’t too fond of his job.

Odelia and Chase watched on as Vesta and Scarlett talked to the teenager, and saw his face change color. First from his natural pink to a bright beet red, then to a sickly white.

And as they made their way back, Vesta announced triumphantly,“We have a name and a room number, you guys and gals. The name is Norma Connors and the room 425.”

“Miss Connors is very blond and also has very big boobies—at least according to our pimply expert over there.”

“How did you do that?” asked Chase, a touch of awe in his voice.

“Well, first I told him that I’d tell his manager about the sex sites he’s been visiting on the front desk computer,” said Vesta.

“And then I told him I’d start screaming at the top of my lungs that he’d just touched my boob if he didn’t give me the room number of the pretty blonde with the girlfriend with the fish tattoo,” said Scarlett.

“How did you know he’d been surfing to naughty sites?” asked Odelia.

“Oh, will you look at the kid?” said Vesta. “He’s a teenager, hormones raging through his teenage body, and probably not a girlfriend in sight. Now let’s go, shall we? I believe we have a date with a suspicious blonde on the fourth floor.”

Chapter 34

It was a full elevator car that rode up to the fourth floor of the Star, packed with both human and feline detectives, all on the hunt for this mysterious blonde who may or may not have been involved with Kirk Weaver and who might or might not be able to shed some light on the man’s death.

“I feel like I should be the one to run point on this one,” said Gran after a moment’s silence. “After all it was my cats that provided the telling clue.”

“Technically it was Mom’s cat,” said Odelia. “Since Harriet is the one who discovered the existence of this mystery woman.”

“And since Marge is my daughter, I should be the one to lead the investigation,” Gran smoothly interjected.

“Brutus is actually Chase’s cat, and since he was also present when this clue was discovered, he should probably be the one to deal with this new witness and potential suspect,” said Odelia, rubbing her boyfriend’s arm.

Chase, who didn’t seem eager to get in the middle of an argument between his fianc?e and his soon-to-be grandmother-in-law, wisely kept his tongue.

“I think I should be the one to ask the first question,” said Scarlett, “as it’s clear to me from the description that Norma Connors and I have a lot in common, and I feel we’ll immediately share a unique bond that will make her open up to me.”

“Oh, puh-lease,” said Gran. “Just because you both got the big boobies doesn’t mean she’ll confess to murder the moment she lays eyes on you, Scarlett.”

Scarlett sniffed, then said,“In the spirit of our newfound camaraderie I won’t dignify that dig at my boobies with a response, Vesta. I could have said that at least I have boobies, contrary to a certain flat-chested person I know, and that at least I look like a woman and not a man, but I won’t.”

Gran, who’d been silently grinding her teeth, looked as if she was ready to launch a verbal bazooka, but just then, and probably lucky for Scarlett, the elevator jerked to a stop, and the door zoomed open.

“We’re here,” said Odelia brightly, and hurried out.

“I think I should probably pose the opening question,” said Harriet as we all walked out. “After all, I was the one who talked to Samantha and found out about this woman.”

She had a point, I thought, but for one teensy tiny problem: I very much doubted whether our mystery blonde was one of those rare people who could talk to cats.

We all gathered in front of the door to room 425, and for a moment indecision reigned. Then, finally, Scarlett muttered,“Oh, for crying out loud,” and applied a firm fist to the door’s panel.

Moments later, there was a loud voice that shouted,“Coming. Just a minute!”

And then the door swung wide and a very perky-looking blond woman appeared. She was younger than I’d expected, with a halo of blond hair framing a lovely face, lit up by a welcoming and engaging smile. In fact she looked so pleasant I immediately discounted her as Kirk’s killer before I caught myself and remembered that sometimes the most horrific killers look just like you and me. Well, not me, perhaps, but probably you.

“Yes?” she said in a surprisingly soft and gentle voice. “Is this about the message of Jesus? Cause I already listened to your colleagues for two hours yesterday and even got a subscription to your magazine, just as they advised.”

“No, we’re not here to talk about Jesus,” said Gran, a little acerbically. “We’re all detectives, and we’re investigating the murder of Kirk Weaver, the cat whisperer. And we were hoping to have a word with you about the guy.”

“Oh, of course,” said the woman, and opened the door wide. “Come on in. And don’t look at the mess,” she added with a giggle.

We all stepped inside, and I wondered how a person as obviously gullible as this woman could have survived in life for so long. She hadn’t even asked for an ID or anything, nor asked the question why two old ladies, one of whom looked like an aged Fanny Hill, the other like Estelle Getty, and a burly stud-type male, along with a fair-haired reporter type, accompanied by no less than four cats, could ever be viewed as representingthe long arm of the law.

“My name is Chase Kingsley,” said Chase. “And I’m a detective with the Hampton Cove Police Department.” He produced his badge, which the woman awarded scant attention, and made the necessary introductions. “These are my civilian consultants Odelia Poole, Vesta Muffin and Scarlett Canyon, all helping me investigate the murder of Mr. Weaver.”

“Oh, and you brought your cats along,” said the woman, crouching down to pet me. Immediately, and quite involuntarily, I might add, I started purring. She really was the sweetest soul I’d encountered in a murder investigation in a while.

“Yeah, they’re mine,” said Gran, still adopting the same gruff tone she liked to use when interviewing a suspect.

“And mine,” said Odelia, not wanting to be outdone by her grandmother.

“You are Norma Connors?” asked Chase, clearly taking charge, and rightly so, I thought, as he was the only representative of The Law in this room.

“That’s right,” she said. “Please take a seat.” She giggled again. “Though you’ll have to sit on the bed, I’m afraid.”

The humans all distributed themselves amongst the limited seating options available: Odelia grabbed a chair, and so did Gran, while Scarlett preferred to remove a few items of clothing from the bed and position herself there. Chase opted to remain standing, and was already taking out his notebook, the consummate professional.

“So tell us, Norma, how well did you know Kirk Weaver?”

“Oh, not very well at all,” said Norma as she sat down on the bed next to Scarlett, on whom she seemed to look as a kindred spirit, just as Scarlett had predicted. The women did share a certain resemblance.

“But you did know him.”

“Yes, I did. Well, I knew him from the television, of course, as we all do, and I always admired him. A man who can handle cats as well as he could is a man to be admired, don’t you think, Detective?”

“Yes. Yes, I guess he is,” said Chase, looking a little flustered as Norma directed a dazzling smile at him.

She was dressed in short shorts and a tank top that did little to conceal her curvy features. She also had those cornflower blue eyes that men go all gaga over, with long lashes she kept fluttering each time Chase opened his mouth to speak.

“So can you tell us a little more about your relationship with Mr. Weaver?”

“I wouldn’t exactly call it a relationship,” said Norma. “We went out a couple of times, and one of those times we ended up in here, in this very bed.” She giggled as she patted the nice white linens. “But that was only the one time.”

“And when was this?” asked Chase, his pencil poised over his little notebook.

Norma’s blue eyes searched the ceiling, and her button for a nose wrinkled prettily. “Um, I would say last Thursday?” Then her face cleared. “Wait a second.” And then to my surprise, she suddenly hollered, “Kim! Kim-my! Come out here a second, will ya!”

The door to the bathroom opened and a cloud of steam came out, followed by a dark-haired woman with short brown hair and… a small tattoo of a dolphin on the side of her neck. She was dressed in only a sports bra and a slip and gave us all a dark look. “What’s this? More Jehovah’s Witnesses? How many times do I have to tell you, Norma? You shouldn’t give these people all of your money.”

“But these aren’t Jehovah’s Witnesses, Kimmy.”

“Mormons?” asked Kimmy, studying Gran, who made a face.

“Do I look like a Mormon to you?” said Gran, getting worked up.

“Yeah, actually you do.”

“Well, I’m not.”

“They’re detectives, Kimmy. They’re investigating the murder of that cat whisperer guy we met last week.”

“Kirk? Oh, yeah. I remember him. Creepy-looking creep.”

“Would you call Kirk a creep?”

“Yeah, I would.”

“That’s only because you were jealous, Kimmy,” said Norma brightly. “Now can you tell this nice gentleman over there when Kirk came up to our room? Was it Thursday or Friday? I can’t remember.”

“Thursday,” said Kimmy decidedly. “And who are you?” she asked, directing a frank and critical look at Chase.

“Chase Kingsley. Detective,” said Chase. “And you are…”

“Kimmy Smith. I’m Norma’s wife.”

I could hear the collective gulp echo through the room as all those present put this information into their respective pipes and smoked it.

“You’re Norma’s… wife?” asked Chase.

“Yeah,” said Kimmy, tilting her chin. “Got a problem with that, stud?”

“No, of course not,” said Chase. “It’s just that…”

“Norma just told us that she had… relations with Kirk last week,” Odelia explained. “So how did you feel about that?”

“I didn’t like it, that’s for sure. But when we got married we agreed to have an open relationship, so if Norma wants to bring home some stray from time to time, there’s nothing I can do about it.”

“Oh, Kimmy,” said Norma sweetly, demurely folding her hands in her lap.

“I don’t like it, but I’m not going to stop her either.”

Eyes met all across the room, as detectives Chase, Vesta, Odelia and Scarlett all came to the same conclusion: they’d finally found themselves a most promising suspect.

“So let me get this straight,” said Gran. “You found your wife in bed with another man, and you didn’t object?”

“No, ma’am, I did not,” said Kimmy.

“And you don’t think it’s strange that only a couple of days after this meeting Kirk ends up dead?” asked Scarlett, directing her, quite frankly, loaded question at Norma.

Norma thought about this for a moment, then her face cleared.“Oh, I think I see what you’re implying. You think that Kimmy killed Kirk, is that it?”

“Yah, that’s exactly what she’s implying,” said Kimmy, “and I gotta say it’s ridiculous.”

“Yeah, it is a little ridiculous,” said Norma with a laugh. “Kimmy a killer. No way.”

“I couldn’t kill a fly,” said Kimmy, giving Scarlett a look that could kill.

“I think we’ve just found our killer,” Dooley whispered to me.

“I think so, too,” I whispered back.

“It’s getting hot in here,” said Gran, as she gave Kimmy a hard stare. “Why don’t I open a window?”

“Be my guest,” riposted Kimmy, returning Gran’s stare and adding some fire of her own.

The suspect and the detectives were squaring off, and soon the scene would turn ugly. So I decided to take a breath of fresh air, before the mood turned acrimonious.

I walked out onto the balcony, which offered a nice view of the backside of some of the buildings behind the Star. Inside the room, I could hear the accusations flying, while Chase took on the role of referee, with Norma and Kimmy playing defense, and Scarlett and Gran offense. Odelia, meanwhile, seemed to have taken on the role of Switzerland, indicating she hadn’t made up her mind yet whether Kimmy was guilty or not.

And as I stretched myself out for a moment, enjoying a few rays of sun tickling my blorange fur, on the balcony one room over a man appeared. He was talking furiously to a second man, and it was with a mild curiosity that I listened to their conversation.

One of the men was thickset, and possessed no neck to speak of, while the other was thin and wiry, with veins pulsating in his neck. Neither of them looked very nice to me.

“How was I supposed to know?! You never told me!”

“I told you loud and clear when you took over the contract!”

“No, you didn’t.”

“Yes, I did! I told you to make itlook like murder.”

“Well, it looked like murder to me.”

“It looked like murder because itwas murder, you moron!”

At this point, I pricked up my ears, my attention no longer on the adventures of Kimmy and Norma, but on these two peculiar characters.

Could it be…

“Look, I made a mistake, all right?”

“No shit. Now who’s going to pay me?”

“What do you mean?”

“You killed the client!”

“But…”

“You killed the client, so he can’t pay. And if I’m not being paid, neither are you.”

“Hey, you can’t do this to me. I did the work, I deserve to get paid.”

The thin guy raised his arms and looked as if he was about to pounce on the big guy. The veins in his neck were now as thick as cords.“Then you shouldn’t have killed him!”

Suddenly, someone inside the room threw something and it broke. It could have been Kimmy, or it could have been Gran, but at any rate it made the two men on the balcony look in my direction.

“Jack, that cat is staring at us,” said the big guy.

“Who cares? Cats are dumb creatures,” said the man Jack.

Still, he seemed to think that maybe it wasn’t such a good idea to discuss murder on his balcony, so they both returned indoors and closed the window.

And as I sat there digesting what I’d just heard, I thought that maybe, just maybe, I’d just solved Kirk’s murder.

Chapter 35

Odelia was starting to appreciate the kind of ordeal referees go through, as she tried to prevent the scene in the room from turning into the sort of ribald riot that slays six.

“Maybe we should take this to the police station,” she now suggested as Gran and Kimmy were face to face and both screaming at the tops of their lungs.

Scarlett, meanwhile, sat with Norma and held her hand as they stared at the match, wondering who’d come out on top.

“Maybe you’re right,” said Chase, standing next to her.

Dooley, Harriet and Brutus had disappeared under the bed. The coffee cup being hurled across the room by Kimmy and shattering into a thousand pieces against the wall clearly had signaled to them it was time to conduct a strategic and orderly retreat.

“You killed him—just admit it already!” Gran yelled. “You were jealous and so you snuck into Allison’s house and stabbed the guy until death did you part!”

“You’re a crazy old bat and you shouldn’t even be allowed out of the bat house where they usually keep you!” Kimmy fired back.

“Confess!”

“Never!”

Just then, Max came padding into the room from the balcony and sidled up to Odelia.

“Odelia?” he said quietly. “I think I may have solved the murder.” She didn’t grasp his meaning at first, what with Gran and Kimmy duking it out at full volume, but when he cleared his throat and repeated, a little louder this time, “I think I’ve just found out who killed Kirk,” shefinally paid attention.

And when he regaled her with the amazing conversation he’d just overheard on the balcony, her eyes went a little wider, and her heart rate shot up a few ticks.

“Chase,” she said, in as calm a voice as she could muster. “I think we got the wrong room.”

“What?” he asked over the din.

“We’re in the wrong room!” she cried. “The real killers are one room over!”

This time he paid attention, and as she repeated Max’s words to the cop, he, too, was greatly impressed.

“I better call for backup,” he said. “This sounds like the real deal.” And instantly, he removed himself from present company, taking out his phone.

“What’s happening?” asked Scarlett from the bed.

“I think Max just cracked the case,” said Odelia. “Chase is calling for backup.”

“About time!” Gran cried, who’d heard the word ‘backup.’ “Your time is up, missy. Backup is arriving and they’ll haul your bony ass to prison.”

“My name isn’t Missy, it’s Kimmy, and talking about bony asses, have you looked at yours lately? It’s flat as a pancake and bonier than a skeleton’s.”

“You take that back!” Gran cried, pointing a bony finger in the woman’s face, even as Scarlett laughed loudly. “And you,” said Gran, abruptly turning on Scarlett. “You’re no friend of mine!”

“Oh, here we go again,” said Scarlett with an eyeroll.

“Are you two married by any chance?” asked Norma.

“Married!” Scarlett cried. “No way!”

“Just that you look like an old married couple to me,” said Norma with a shrug.

“We’re not even friends!” said Gran.

Suddenly, from outside, the sound of police sirens could be heard, and they were drawing closer very quickly.

“They shouldn’t have done that,” said Odelia, shaking her head.

“What’s going on?” asked Kimmy.

“The killers are next door,” Odelia explained. “But once they hear the police sirens they’ll probably try to escape.”

“Leave it to me,” said the dark-haired amazon, and disappeared into the bathroom. Moments later she returned with an aluminum baseball bat. “Let’s go, Norma,” she said. “We’ve got ourselves a couple of killers to catch.”

“Are you sure you want to do this, Kimmy?” asked Norma, looking a little startled at this sudden turn of events.

“As long as they don’t catch these guys I’m on the line for murder, sweetheart. So let’s do this!”

“All right, pinky face,” said Norma, and reached underneath her pillow and came out with what looked like a pair of nunchucks. And as she swung them, Odelia could tell that she’d practiced. When she caught Odelia’s gaze, she said, apologetically, “A girl has to be able to defend herself.”

“I’m also going,” said Scarlett.

“But you don’t have a weapon,” said Norma.

Scarlett shook her d?colletage. “My girls are all the weapons I need.”

“Oh, count me in, too,” said Gran, and removed a hairpin from her hair and held it like a dagger. “I can do some real damage with this thing, let me tell you,” she announced.

Odelia looked around, but unfortunately she didn’t see anything that could be used as a weapon. But then she remembered she always carried a can of mace in her purse, so she took that out.

And so, armed to the teeth, five ladies exited the room and took up position in front of the door of the room next door. Four cats followed them out. They had their own weapons built in, in the shape of teeth and claws. It was a formidable miniature army, ready for action.

And it was as Odelia had surmised: the moment the sirens stopped in front of the hotel, the door of the room swung open and two men appeared, looking harried. One was thickset, the other scrawny, but both looked a little sinister. The first thing they saw was Scarlett, wiggling her cleavage. They were distracted long enough for Kimmy to lift her baseball bat and lightly tap the biggest one on the head with it. Stars appeared in the man’s eyes, and he promptly dropped to the floor.

Next up was Norma, who used her nunchucks to give the thin guy a clunking across the noggin. It did little to slow him down, though, for he brusquely swept Norma out of the way and made for the corridor. Odelia was waiting for him, though, and unleashed the power of her mace spray into the man’s face. He screamed up a storm, and even more so when Gran applied her hairpin to the man’s buttocks and made him jump. Another delicate caress of Kimmy’s bat did the rest, and soon he was earthbound and lying motionless next to his partner in crime.

And by the time the police arrived, Chase leading the way up from the lobby, all they had to do was handcuff the two villains, who were coming to, and lead them away to the waiting paddy wagon.

“Are you sure these are our guys?” asked Uncle Alec, who’d also joined the circus. “Cause if not, they might sue for assault and battery.”

“They are our guys,” said Odelia, “and they were getting away, so we did you a favor.”

He smiled, and patted her hand.“I knew you’d catch Kirk’s killers sooner or later, honey. I didn’t doubt it for a minute.”

“Actually it’s Max who caught them,” said Odelia.

“Of course he did,” said Uncle Alec, darting an affectionate glance down at the large blorange cat, who looked appropriately proud.

“So are you going to apologize, old lady?” asked Kimmy, taking a firmer grip on her bat.

“Yeah, I guess apologies are in order,” said Chase.

“Look, I’m sorry, all right?” said Gran. “I just figured that you did it, and you were trying to wiggle your way out of it.”

“I’m sorry, too,” said Scarlett. “I really thought you were guilty, Kimmy.”

“I’m not sorry,” said Kimmy, a sudden grin spreading across the face. “I was getting a little bored on this trip, and this was just what I needed to liven things up.”

“Nothing happened!” suddenly Norma blurted out.

“What?” said Kimmy, staring at her wife.

“I know I said something happened between Kirk and me but I lied. Nothing happened. He came up, and it was pretty obvious what he wanted, but I just couldn’t go through with it. So I told him and he walked out just when you walked in.”

“But why did you lie?”

“Because I wanted to make you jealous, all right? I don’t like this arrangement, Kimmy. I know we said we’d keep our marriage open, and that we could still see other people, but I don’t want to see other people, and I don’t want you to see other people either.” She was looking at her wife piteously, with tears in her eyes now.

“Oh, honey,” said Kimmy, her voice soft now, and her expression tender. “I don’t want to see other people either. I just thought you wanted that.”

“No, I don’t!”

“I’m glad,” said Kimmy, and then they hugged.

“So sweet,” said Odelia as she watched the women return to their room and close the door.

“Yeah, very sweet,” Chase agreed. “Almost as sweet as locking up Kirk’s killers. Though I still don’t understand why they killed the guy.”

“Well, that’s for you to find out,” said Odelia.

Chapter 36

It was the craziest story Chase had heard in a while. As he sat in the interview room, along with Chief Alec, and listened to the man’s confession, he thought it sounded more like something fit for60 Minutes orCops.

“Kirk contacted me last month,” said Jack, who seemed to be the brains of the operation. He was a contract killer and this was clearly not his first rodeo. “He told me he was in big trouble and was about to go belly-up. He was up to his eyeballs in debt, and his wife was divorcing him and soon the whole house of cards would come crashing down. So he’d gotten this great idea that he wanted to disappear. Fake his own death and pocket the insurance money. So he hired me and told me to fake-kill him and help him set up the scene.”

“He was going to fake his own death?” asked the Chief.

“Yeah, he’d seen someLifetime movie and thought it sounded like a great idea. A way for him to leave all his troubles behind. He’d pocket the insurance money through a middle man and escape to Mexico to start a new life. Maybe a little plastic surgery, since he was a TV personality and people might recognize him, buy himself a nice big villa in Tulum or wherever, and maybe even start a new career as a cat whisperer in Mexico.”

“So what went wrong?” asked Chase. “Cause as far as I know, Kirk is really dead.”

“Yeah, that wasn’t supposed to happen,” said Jack, looking a little embarrassed. “Problem was that Kirk had decided that Tuesday was the day. Only I had a last-minute job in Reno that I couldn’t get out of, so I contacted Harlan, one of my associates, and told him to take my place. Only Harlan must have misunderstood, cause instead of fake-killing the client, he killed him for real.”

“Oops,” said the Chief, sharing a look of consternation with his deputy.

“Yeah, oops—you got that right. When I heard I went ballistic. Cause no client, no payment, and probably a lot of tough questions.”

“There would have been tough questions regardless,” said Chase. “At least if the intention was to fake the man’s death.”

“How did Kirk think he’d get away with it?” asked Alec.

“First off, there was going to be a lot of blood. He’d been saving it for a couple of weeks, planning the whole thing. And then there would be the murder weapon, of course. The knife, which would be at the scene. And also, he’d planned for a witness—Mia Gray. He wanted her to see the body, and pass out. I was supposed to help her with the passing-out part by hitting her over the head the moment she came across the body.”

“But don’t you think people would have wondered what happened to the body?” asked Chase.

Jack shrugged.“There would be blood, a murder weapon, and a witness. Who cares what the killer did with the body, or why? The insurance would have plenty to go on and decide the dude was dead and pay out. As far as the cops were concerned, I just had to make sure I didn’t leave any evidence. And I wouldn’thave, if that moron Harlan hadn’t screwed everything up by killing the client for real.”

It was an amazing story, and Chase couldn’t help but wonder why the men had decided to stay in town. If they hadn’t, and if Max hadn’t happened to overhear them, they’d have gotten away with murder.

“We figured we better lay low for a while, and Harlan wanted to visit the Hamptons.” He sighed. “Last time I listen to that idiot.” He looked up. “Now can I ask you a question? How the hell did you find us?”

“My niece was visiting a friend in the room next to yours,” Alec explained. “And she happened to overhear you talking to your associate on the balcony, discussing the murder. So she immediately called me.”

Jack hung his head.“What a disaster. What an absolute mess.”

“You can say that again,” said Alec with a smile.

“So how about Burt?” asked Chase.

“Who?”

“Burt Scofield. Kirk’s business associate. Was he involved in the scheme?”

Jack didn’t speak for a moment, then finally said, “If I tell you, what’s in it for me?”

“Nothing is in it for you, sonny boy,” said Alec sternly. “Now answer the question.”

Jack looked from Chase to Alec for a moment, then sighed.“Okay, fine. Yeah, he was in on it. He was the one who needed to make sure the insurance money would end up in Kirk’s bank account. He was also helping him set up a new identity, and was gonna drive him to Mexico. They were going to split the money and start a new business over there.”

Chase whistled through his teeth. Now that he hadn’t expected.

“Better arrest the guy before he skips town,” said Alec, and Chase nodded and walked out of the interview room to give the order.

Kirk Weaver had had it all worked out. And if not for his designated hitman to outsource the job to a subpar subcontractor, he’d have gotten away with it, too. And before Chase closed the door of the interview room, he could hear Jack lament sadly, “Take it from me, Chief. If you want things done properly, you gotta do ‘em yourself.”

Chapter 37

Over the course of the next day or so, a series of surprising new replies appeared on theGazette website, all of them written by Gabi, and all of them answering questions that had already been answered before, but, as Gabi went to great pains to explain in a side note, were the result of the site being hacked, and as a consequence should simply be disregarded. The new replies spread a lot of joy through the small community, and especially in the hearts of the different members of the Poole family.

Tex Poole was in his office when Mrs. Baumgartner, one of his regulars, drew his attention to a new reply to a question he’d posted a couple of days before.

‘Dear Fretful Heart, while it is undoubtedly true that your marriage is a happy one, sometimes you need to spice things up a little, and treat your spouse to that extra-loving care that used to come naturally during your honeymoon. Why not a second honeymoon? Or even a third? Why not take that trip she’s been asking for? Neither of you are getting any younger, so now is the time to treat your lady love to that vacation.’

It was so specific and so clear that Tex couldn’t help but wonder if Gabi was actually a mind reader. Nevertheless, he was smiling as he called up the website of his travel agent, and soon was checking prices of packages for a European vacation for two.

Odelia was in her office, writing an article on Jack and Harlan, when she happened to see that new material had been posted to Gabi’s advice column.

‘Dear Anxious Heart, I’m sure your man loves you and wants to make you happy, but unfortunately sometimes men need a little nudge in the right direction. Also, why don’t you simply talk to him about it? He’s your soulmate, your friend, your partner for life, and if you’re going to be together until death do you part, why don’t you start acting like it and share with him your thoughts, your fears and all of your hopes and dreams? I’m sure he’ll appreciate it and love you even more.’

She sat back, a little stunned. Then she decided that Gabi was right on the money, and picked up her phone to call Chase.

Chase, who’d been typing out his report on the Kirk Weaver murder, to be put on his superior officer’s desk first thing in the morning, looked up when that superior officer stuck his head in and said, with a twinkle in his eye, “Have you checked Gabi’s column lately? I think you’ll find something there that you’ll like.”

And with these mysterious words, the Chief withdrew. So Chase took his phone and called up theGazette website, and soon his eye fell on a particular posting.

‘Dear Burning Heart, I think you know perfectly well what you have to do, and you don’t even have to wait for the right moment to do it. You popped the question once, and she accepted, which was the luckiest day of your life. Now follow through and set a date for an even luckier day: your wedding. You know she’s waiting for you to take the first step, so why don’t you, stud?’

He let out a bark of surprised laughter. Who was this Gabi, and how did she know so much about him? But just then, his phone chimed, and when he saw it was Odelia, he picked up and immediately, before she had a chance to say something, said,“When are we getting married, babe? I can’t wait to make what we share official, and tell the world.”

“Oh, Chase,” she said after a momentary stunned silence, in which he thought his heart would pounce through his chest. “I thought you’d never ask.”

Marge was idly leafing through a Debbie Macomber book, checking it for marks and creases before putting it back on the shelf, when she suddenly remembered she still had to call Odelia and ask her to drop by that evening and pick up that tub of spaghetti sauce.

Walking back to her desk, she picked up her phone, and saw that her daughter had left a message.‘Mom, check Gabi. Do it NOW!’

Frowning, she did as Odelia suggested, and saw that Gabi had posted a new answer to a question she’d asked last week. Huh. How weird was that?

‘Dear Bookish Heart, sometimes you don’t have to wait for your significant other to take the initiative but take matters into your own hands instead. You know he wants to go on that trip just as much as you do, but has been putting it off. So simply tell him that if he doesn’t want to go withyou, you’ll ask a friend to accompany you on this trip. And by sheer magic you’ll find that all of his commitments will suddenly melt away, and that he’ll be more than happy to follow you to the ends of the world and beyond.’

Smiling, Marge then typed a message to her husband.‘Just booked a ten-day vacation in Europe for me and Odelia. Hope you don’t mind.’

It didn’t even take five seconds for her phone to start ringing. It was Tex.

Mayor Butterwick wasn’t the kind of person who sat perusing the internet on a constant basis. She had too much work on her plate for that. So it was one of her secretaries who actually alerted her of the fact that there was something on theGazette website that might be of interest to her.

Expecting it to be news of a more political nature, her eye was soon drawn to a particular piece of writing that was addressed to‘Timid Heart.’ Stunned, she read on, and half expected it to be another harangue about her preventing Alec from rising to his rightful position as Hampton Cove’s next mayor. Instead, it was something completely different.

‘Dear Timid Heart, if in love you took initiative as easily and decisively as in life or your political career, you would have acted on those instincts about your colleague a long time ago. Yes, he likes you back. How could he not? You’re beautiful, smart, successful, and kind. So take the plunge and ask him out on a date already, will you? This is the twenty-first century, for crying out loud. Women can make the first move.’

She sat back, stunned, then a slow smile spread across her features, and she got up to look out the window. Out of habit, her eyes were immediately drawn to a certain window where a certain man spent his days doing his job.

Should she? Or shouldn’t she? Mh…

And as she narrowed her eyes, she noticed that the man’s office was empty, and so was his chair. Probably out fighting crime, and a warm feeling spread through her chest at the thought of Alec walking the streets, keeping people safe and making sure Hampton Cove was the safest community for miles around. How she admired him for it.

A knock at the door took her out of her daydream, and she immediately rearranged her features into her professional‘Madam Mayor’ face.

“Yes!” she called out.

The door swung open, and a large bouquet of flowers appeared. Then, as the bouquet lowered, a face became visible: it was none other than Alec Lip himself, not fighting crime, but delivering flowers to his boss.

“Chief!” she said, her heart skipping a beat. “What’s going on?”

“These are for you, Madam Mayor,” the Chief said as he hesitatingly stepped into the room and haltingly launched into his speech. “I just figured… I just thought… Well, you do such a great job, day in and day out, to keep this town running… that I figured…”

“Well,” she said, admiring the gorgeous selection. “Just, um, put them on that table over there, will you?” She took a whiff and smiled. They smelled delicious.

The bouquet placed down, they both stood staring at it for a moment, lost for words. Then finally the Chief said,“Actually there’s something…”

“… something I wanted to say…” she said simultaneously, then smiled, and added, “You go first.”

“No, please, by all means…”

“I just wanted to know if, um…”

“The thing is,” said the Chief, clearing his throat and inserting a finger between his collar and his reddening neck, “… that, um…”

“I’ve been thinking that, um…”

“You were thinking…” he said, a hopeful look in his eyes.

She swallowed, and felt heat rising to her cheeks. Oh, for God’s sake, she thought. She was a grown-ass woman. Why couldn’t she simply… “I was thinking that maybe…”

“Would you like to have dinner with me?” suddenly the Chief blurted out. “I mean, if it’s convenient and appropriate and… if you have the time… we could discuss… stuff.”

“Yes, of course,” she said, blinking. “Hampton Cove stuff, and…”

“… other… stuff…”

They stared at each other for a beat, then suddenly the Chief closed the distance between them with a single step, and then they were kissing, and she was melting into his arms, and a sigh escaped her throat, and it was… oh, so wonderful.

When they finally broke the kiss, Alec was looking a little rumpled, and her glasses were askew, and steamed up, too, and he said, haltingly,“I like you, Charlene. And I thought that maybe… you like me, too, so…”

“I do like you, Alec,” she said with a smile. And when five minutes later Charlene’s secretary walked in on them, they were still kissing.

Crap, she thought. Soon the word would be all over town. Oddly enough, she didn’t mind one bit. And after Alec had left, and as she was reading Gabi’s column again, her eye was drawn to another message the advice columnist had written.

‘Dear Lonely Heart, if you like your boss so much, why don’t you grab the bull by the horns and tell her already? We all know what happens to those who wait: nothing! Just buy her the biggest bouquet of flowers you can find, ask her out for dinner and tell her how you feel. And I can tell you with all my heart you won’t be disappointed. So jump!’

Charlene smiled. Well, they’d jumped. Both of them. And she had a feeling that wherever they landed would be someplace pretty excellent.

Epilogue

“Max, what’s happening!”

“I have no idea, Dooley,” I said.

Though I had the distinct impression it had something to do with Gabi—or the two Gabis. No one in town knew for a fact, but I now had confirmation that Gabi was in fact none other than Grandma Muffin and her newfound friend Scarlett. They’d been dispensing advice left, right and center, and some pretty good advice, too, which seemed to focus on bringing sunderedhearts together—or hearts, period, sundered or not.

I’d walked in on Gran one night a couple of days ago, and she was typing something on her laptop. And when I jumped up on her desk, she quickly closed it, but not before I’d read the opening line of her piece, which read, ‘Dear Nervous Heart…’

She’d told me not to divulge her little secret, and of course I’d told her I wouldn’t.

“I think it’s beautiful,” said Harriet. “I love it when people are in love, don’t you,mi amor?”

“People and cats,” said Brutus as he munched on a piece of sausage. “People and cats.”

“Exactly,” said his mate for life.

We were in Marge and Tex’s backyard, with Tex manning the grill and producing the kind of delicious treats only a grill master of his caliber could provide: scorched sausages, burnt patties and incinerated steaks. Still, if you scraped off the black stuff, it was still pretty decent food.

Marge was there, dishing out her famous potato salad to all who wanted it, which was everyone, and of course Odelia and Chase, but also Gran and Scarlett and Uncle Alec and… Mayor Butterwick for some reason, which had caused Dooley’s outcry.

“The family is expanding, Max,” said Dooley. “Soon this backyard will be too small.”

“I doubt it,” I said. “Plenty of space left.”

“So what’s going to happen to Kirk’s non-existent fortune?” asked Odelia as she took a sniff from her burger and replaced it on her plate.

“Well, the insurance will pay out,” said Chase, “and the money will go to his wife Sandy, which is probably not what Kirk would have wanted, but what is actually the right thing, after all that she suffered at the hands of her husband.”

“I think a toast is in order,” said Mayor Butterwick, who was seated next to Uncle Alec, darting loving glances at the big guy from time to time. “To Odelia and Chase, for solving the unsolvable murder of Kirk Weaver, and ridding our town of his killers.”

“Hear, hear,” said Uncle Alec, taking a swig from his Corona beer.

Odelia, as the Mayor spoke these words, lifted her own glass of lemonade, and held it up in a salute to yours truly, a gesture I appreciated. It had been mostly coincidence that had set me on the trail of Jack and Harlan. Being at the right place at the right time. Still, I enjoyed the praise.

“So when are you leaving, Mom?” asked Odelia now.

“Um, well, the tickets are all booked, and so are the hotels. And three weeks from now we’re taking a flight to London!” said Marge happily.

“About time!” said Chase, as he shared a wink with Tex, who held up his tongs in agreement.

“It’s all because of Gabi, really,” said Marge. “If she hadn’t given us the final push, we probably wouldn’t have jumped, even now.”

“I wonder who she is,” said Uncle Alec.

“Dan is refusing to tell me,” said Odelia, when all eyes turned to her. “I’ve asked him and he says he needs to respect Gabi’s desire for privacy, and so I’m not going to snoop.”

“I think she’s one smart lady,” said Mayor Butterwick, or Charlene as everyone was now calling her, even Uncle Alec. “And I’m sure I’m more than grateful for her meddling ways.”

“Those meddling ways led to our first dinner,” said Uncle Alec.

“And I hope to many more,” said Charlene, and shared a sweet kiss with Odelia’s uncle, causing all those around the table to grow a little misty-eyed, and us cats, too.

“I think you couldn’t have chosen a better guy, Charlene,” said Gran. “My Alec is a salt-of-the-earth kind of guy, and you’re a great gal, and I heartily approve of the match.”

“We’re just dating, Ma,” Alec grumbled good-naturedly. “It’s not as if we’re getting married or anything.” Though judging by the looks they gave each other the wedding wasn’t far off.

“Speaking of marriage,” said Scarlett. “Have you two lovebirds finally set a date?”

“Yes, we have,” said Odelia. “It’s going to be a September wedding, and it’s going to be small but beautiful. Isn’t that right, honey?”

“Absolutely, babe,” Chase confirmed. “September fifth, and I hope you’ll all join us as we exchange vows.”

“Oh, dear,” said Marge in a choked voice, and tears trickled from her eyes as she took a seat. “My baby is getting married.”

Odelia was quick to place an arm around her mother’s shoulder, and as Marge dried her eyes, Scarlett announced, “There’s something I’ve been meaning to say, and now seems like a good time to say it. Vesta and I have been best enemies for years, but before that we were best friends. I made a terrible mistake many, many years ago, and I’veapologized to her, but now I’d like to apologize to you, especially Marge and Alec.”

“There’s no need, Scarlett,” said Vesta.

“Really, Scarlett, it’s fine,” said Marge.

“No, I want to apologize for my terrible judgment and I wanted to add that I’m grateful—extremely grateful—that the rift it caused between our families has finally been healed, because of Vesta’s big heart and…” She was sniffling, and soon needed a tissue, which Marge gladly handed her. “As I was saying, Vesta and I were frenemies for many, many years, and…”

Vesta smiled.“You said frenemies.”

“I did, didn’t?” said Scarlett, smiling through her tears. “Well, I’m just glad we’re friends again. I missed you, buddy.”

“And I missed you,” said Vesta, and both women hugged, and Marge started crying again, and even Chase had tears in his eyes. In fact when I looked around the table, everyone was wiping away tears.

“Why is everybody crying, Max?” asked Dooley, concerned. “Is something wrong?”

“Tears of happiness, Dooley,” I said. “It’s a different kind of tears. The good kind.”

“So there’s a bad kind and a good kind?”

“Exactly, and this is all good. Everybody’s happy. In fact they’re so happy they’re crying.”

“So weird,” said Dooley, shaking his head.

“That’s humans for you,” said Brutus. “They cry when they’re happy, and they laugh when they’re sad. It’s all very confusing.”

He was right, of course, though I could still read my human perfectly, and even though she was dabbing at her eyes with a tissue, I could tell she was happy. Very happy indeed. And when my human is happy, I’m happy, too.

You can call me a pussy, and you’d be right, but I’m the kind of cat who basks in my human’s happiness, and feels for her when she’s sad. And as I watched on, my own eyes a little moist, suddenly I became aware of little steps sounding behind me. And when I turned, I saw that three white mice were crossing the deck, carrying assorted foodstuffs in their tiny but still very muscular little paws. And when they noticed me noticing them, the first one said, in a kind of hushed voice, “Don’t tell our pa, will you, Max!”

“Yeah, it’s just this once,” said the second one.

“It’s the smell,” explained the third. “So hard to resist the smell of grilled meat!”

You’ll agree they made a valid point. And since I was feeling so happy, I decided there was plenty of food to share. So I whispered, “Enjoy!” and they grinned happily.

Oh, don’t look at me like that. I know a cat is supposed to catch mice, not encourage them to steal food from their humans, but I think we’ve already established that I’m a pussy. And proud to be one.

Though when five minutes later another two dozen mice came tripping past me, all hoisting the remnants of Tex’s grilling experiments on their tiny shoulders, I was starting to wonder if maybe, just maybe, I’d made a big mistake.

Well, I guess I could always ask Dear Chloe.

23. PURRFECT PASSION

Chapter 1

“Max, can I ask you a question?”

Lazily, I opened my eyes.“Mh?”

“How come we have mice in our basement and next door they don’t?”

I shrugged. It was one of those questions no one has an answer to, and certainly not me.“I don’t know, Dooley,” I said therefore. “Maybe they like our basement better?”

This gave my friend some food for thought, and for a moment I returned to my peaceful slumber. Not for long, though, for Dooley’s train of thought was determined to make sure I got no repose whatsoever. His trains of thought are often that way, completely oblivious to my creature comforts.

“So… what is it about Odelia’s basement that makes it so appealing to mice?” he asked, launching a follow-up question that compelled me to open my eyes once more and think up a response. I have to tell you, though, it’s hard to think when all you want to do is sleep. It had been a particularly eventful night, what with cat choir running overtime, due to the fact that Shanille, cat choir’s conductor, had gotten it into her tiny nut that we should take our show on the road, and extend the kind of creative succor we’ve been providing Hampton Covians to other audiences in other towns, spreading sweetness and light and the caterwauling of a group of tone-deaf cats to all and sundry.

“I have no idea, Dooley,” I said. “Maybe we should ask them?”

This idea clearly hadn’t yet occurred to my friend, as his face lit up with delight.

“Of course!” he said. “I’ll simply go down there and ask them!”

And much to my surprise, he actually up and went!

I frowned as I watched him go.“Um, Dooley?” I said.

He turned, a smile spread across his furry features.“Yes, Max?”

“When I said we should ask them, I didn’t mean…”

He gave me that wide-look of his.“Yes, Max?”

“Are you sure this is such a good idea?”

He frowned and a look of confusion wrapped his funny face in frowns.“Of course, Max. It’s your idea. And your ideas are always good ideas.”

In spite of the fact that his confidence in my cerebral processes warmed the cockles of my heart, I still felt it incumbent upon me to point out a fatal flaw in this, my own, plan.“We’ve talked about this, remember? When we made our peace with Hector and Helga we agreed that the basement was theirs, and the rest of the house ours.”

He gave me a look of bewilderment. “I don’t understand.”

“The basement has officially been turned into a no-go zone for cats,” I explained. “It’s their territory now, and we’re not supposed to tread there if we can help it.”

“But… this is our house, Max. We have a right to go where we want, don’t we?”

“Well, not anymore. Under the terms of the peace treaty we arranged with the mice, this house has now been divided into two separate zones. There is a cat zone…” With an all-encompassing sweep of my paw I motioned to the living room, the kitchen and the upstairs. “And there’s the mice zone—in other words, the basement.”

His bewilderment was absolute.“But… are you sure this is legal?”

I suppressed the urge to roll my eyes.“If you mean was there a notary present when we came to this agreement, then no, there wasn’t. But it was either that or have them traipse all over the house, raid our fridge, steal the kibble from our bowls whenever they felt like it, and turn our lives into a living hell. It’s an arrangement for our mutual benefit. The mice can live their lives unencumbered, raising a family of healthy, happy little pinkies and pups, and we can relax and save face in front of Odelia and Chase.”

It had taken a lot of persuading on my part to get my human on board. Odelia shares most humans’ visceral aversion to all things rodent, and the mere suggestion that we’d give these critters and their offspring a permanent home in her home (and our home) seemed repugnant to her. But I simply appealed to her softer side and even she had to admit it was an arrangement that offered a lot ofbenefits. As long as these mice occupied the basement, no other mice would move in. Better the mice you know than the mice you don’t, if you see what I mean. And when I personally introduced her to Hector, and translated the little fella’s words for her, and told her they had come in peace and had promised us to keep the basement absolutely free of droppings, she relented, and so did her boyfriend Chase.

Though the latter contrived a look of bewilderment very similar to Dooley’s. He probably hadn’t expected when he started dating Odelia that at some point in the near future he’d find himself negotiating with a colony of mice, a cat officiating the peace treaty.

“I still don’t see why the basement should be off-limits,” said Dooley. “It’s still our house, and they’re just guests.”

“Look at it this way, Dooley,” I said, deciding to try a different tack. “It’s as if you’re a property owner. And the mice are your tenants.”

“Tenants who don’t pay rent.”

“True, true,” I admitted. “The point I’m trying to make, though, is that a landlord can’t simply walk into a tenant’s house or apartment, see?”

“He can’t?” asked Dooley, much surprised by this strange legal quirk.

“No, he cannot. There are laws protecting a tenant’s privacy, and a landlord can’t simply barge in whenever he likes. He has to get the tenant’s permission first.”

“So I have to get Hector’s permission before I can set paw in the basement?”

“Pretty much,” I agreed.

“And what about Odelia? Does she have to get Hector’s permission, too?”

“Um, no, I guess she doesn’t. The arrangement is between cats and mice only.”

His face cleared.“Great! Then I’ll simply ask Odelia to ask Hector why they like it here so much. And I’ll tag along as Odelia’s official translator, just like a delegation of Swaziland would bring along their translator when attending the United Nations General Assembly.” And with these words he trotted off in the direction of the staircase, presumably to rouse Odelia from sleep so she could pose this all-important question.

This time I did roll my eyes, then lay down my head on the sofa cushion I’d singled out for my own, and went back to sleep. The plight of the rodent family that had moved into the basement might fascinate and intrigue my friend, but it certainly did not fascinate me. You may say I’m a lousy cat for allowing mice to move into my domain, and I’d tell you that my peace of mind is worth a lot more to me than any slings and arrows you can aim at me. That and my daily dose of kibble, of course.

And I’d just fallen into a peaceful slumber once more when the sound of a flapping pet flap told me that the prospect of a nice nap was not in my near future just yet. When I opened my eyes I found myself gazing into the familiar face of Brutus, and he wasn’t looking very happy at all. His next words confirmed my assessment of his mental state.

“Max, you have to help me. It’s Harriet. She’s gone completely mad!”

Chapter 2

To be absolutely honest with you, Brutus’s announcement didn’t surprise me. I’d already had the feeling that Harriet was brooding on something. Even her customary solo performance during cat choir had had a different quality last night, as she’d seemed distracted and a little surly, and had dropped even more notes than usual. Even Shanille had felt compelled to ask the prissy Persian if everything was all right, receiving a typical snappish response for her trouble.

“What is it this time?” I asked therefore, starting to feel as if this nap I’d been anticipating with such eagerness was starting to look like a lost cause.

“She wants to put our relationship to the test by joining a reality show,” said Brutus.

I frowned.“I’m sorry, Brutus, but you’re going to have to run that by me again. I didn’t quite catch your drift.”

He was too wired to take a seat, and had resorted to pacing the rug, going so far as to extend his nails and plucking little tufts of fiber from Odelia’s nice carpet. It just goes to show the extent of his exasperation. It’s one of the reasons why I’ve remained a bachelor until now: my closest friends are frankly the best advertisement for bachelorhood.

“She’s been watching this reality show with Gran lately. Passion Island? Gran is hooked on the thing, and so is Harriet. It’s all they talk about. And now Harriet has decided she wants in. She figures it’s the best way to see if we’re really meant to be together.”

“But… I didn’t even know she had doubts about that.”

“Me neither! But watching Passion Island has made her think.”

“Uh-oh,” I muttered.

“And she’s been pushing Gran to get her on the show, and it looks like Gran thinks this might not be such a bad idea, only cats aren’t allowed anywhere near the island.”

“For a good reason,” I said, nodding. No reality show fans want to be distracted by the sight of a couple of cats slinking into the frame and obscuring their view.

“Yeah, but Gran says she can probably make the producers change their minds. Or maybe even get them to create a spin-off. Cat Passion Island. She figures it would give people the best of both worlds: adorable cats doing what cats do best, and a healthy dose of drama.”

“But… no viewer would understand what the cats are saying,” I pointed out. “And where would be the fun in that?”

“Exactly what I said!” said Brutus, becoming more and more agitated. “But do you think they’ll listen to the voice of reason? Oh, no.”

“I’m sure nothing will come of it,” I tried to reassure the butch black cat. “You know what Gran is like. She always has some bee buzzing in her bonnet, but rarely has the wherewithal to see her wild ideas through to fruition.”

He gave me a look of hope.“You think so? You’ve known Gran longer than I have.”

“Trust me,” I said. “This idea will simply fizzle out and die before you can say kibble.”

“Kibble,” said Brutus earnestly, and plunked himself down, slightly mollified. And I could see his point. Gran may have the attention span of a goldfish, but Harriet is one of those cats that don’t stop until they get what they want. If she had her mind set on being in some goofy reality show, she’d keep harping on the theme until she got her wish.

I decided not to share this little insight into Harriet’s psyche with the latter’s mate, though, as I was still holding out a tiny hope I’d get the chance to have that sweet nap.

And as Brutus mulled over my words, I shifted in my seat and accidentally hit a button on the remote control, inadvertently turning on the TV. And while I was wondering why the TV had suddenly started pouring out its usual dose of frenetic programming on an unsuspecting world, Brutus sprang to his paws again, vibrating with excitement, his nose pointing in the direction of the darned thing like a pointing dog.

“That’s it!” he cried. “That’s the show that’s ruining my life!”

I directed a curious eye at the goggle box and saw that a small group of young women was seated around a fire, all staring intently at a tablet computer, held up by a platinum-haired and sophisticated-looking woman. On the tablet’s screen, grainy footage of a man and a woman lying in bed together appeared, and suddenly one of the women brought her hands to her face and started sobbing uncontrollably.

“Prepare yourself for a shock, Sookie,” said the sophisticated woman, who appeared to be the show’s host. “The next images will be tough for you to watch.”

We were regaled with images of the same couple in bed, only this time all that was visible was a shapeless form underneath the sheets, and those very same sheets were moving in a very suspicious way indeed. It was obvious the couple were in the throes of a passionate spate of lovemaking, bumping and grinding with careless abandon.

The woman named Sookie, the one who’d been sobbing, now wailed like a banshee. “Not my Bennie-ie-ie-ie!” she cried.

“Yes, I’m afraid your Bennie has succumbed to the wily ways of seductress Mia,” said the show host, barely suppressing a hint of satisfaction.

“Oh, my God,” said Brutus, looking on with fascination. “I never thought Bennie would cheat on Sookie. They were the perfect couple! Everybody said so!”

It was obvious to me that Brutus was as big a fan of this Passion Island bonanza as Harriet and Gran.

Just then, Dooley came trudging down the stairs again, a very sleepy-looking Odelia in tow.“So what’s all this about the United Nations General Assembly?” she asked.

But Dooley had become distracted by the footage on TV. He stared at the wild sheet tussle for a moment, then asked,“What are those people doing, Max?”

Brutus and I immediately scrambled to grab the remote and change the channel. Unfortunately in our efforts to do so, the thing dropped to the floor and skipped underneath the couch. And as I aimlessly reached for the gizmo, I saw how Dooley approached the screen and stared at the footage of Sookie’s Bennie-ie-ie-ie and wily seductress Mia, whoever she was, performing feats of acrobatics, their modesty only covered by a thin sheet.

“Are they playing a game?” asked Dooley, wide-eyed now as he took in the scene.

“Um, yeah,” I said, still fruitlessly reaching underneath the couch. “Yeah, they’re playing a game of hide and seek.”

“Looks like they found each other,” said Dooley, quite astutely I might add.

“Oh, is that Passion Island?” asked Odelia, stifling a yawn. “I love that show.”

Brutus emitted a low groan.“Everybody loves that show,” he said.

“Yeah, even Mom and Dad watch every episode.” She frowned at the screen. “This is a rerun though, right?” Like a true addict, she sounded worried she’d missed something.

“Yeah, they’re gearing up for a new season, and started airing last season’s episodes to whet people’s appetites,” said Brutus, as the expert he clearly was.

Dooley had turned his head sideways and was still watching the couple intently.“It looks like they’re rubbing against each other,” he said finally, still that puzzled look on his face. “Why are they rubbing against each other, Max?”

“Um, I guess one of them has an itch,” I said, eliciting a smile from Odelia. Then, finally getting hip to my predicament, she fished the remote from underneath the couch, and quickly changed channels. A weatherman started waxing poetic about a low-pressure system moving in from the East, or itcould have been the West, and I breathed a sigh of relief. The danger had been averted, and Dooley’s innocence was safe once more.

“Harriet wants to be on that show,” said Brutus. “And Gran told her she’s going to help her.”

Odelia laughed.“Of course she did.” She patted Brutus on the head. “Don’t you worry about a thing, Brutus. The day Harriet is selected for Passion Island is the day hell freezes over.” And with these sage words, she entered the kitchen to start fixing herself and Chase some breakfast.

Chapter 3

Suddenly the sliding glass door that looks out onto the backyard opened and Gran walked in, followed by none other than Harriet herself. They both had those looks of determination in their eyes that spelled trouble.

“Odelia, there’s something I need to talk to you about,” said Gran in a tone of voice that brooked no contest.

“Oh, hey, Gran,” said Odelia. “Are you joining us for breakfast?”

“Yeah, sure,” said Gran. “Look, I’m going crazy next door, with your mom and dad in Europe, and I was thinking—“

“Coffee?”

“Yeah. So I’ve been thinking—“

“Milk and sugar?”

“You know I take my coffee black, honey,” said Gran, taking a seat on one of the high stools at the kitchen counter.

Odelia smiled, and I could tell she wasn’t fully awake yet. It takes a heavy dose of caffeine to accomplish that minor feat, and she hadn’t had hers yet.

Chase came stomping down the stairs, yawning cavernously and stretching.“I had the weirdest dream,” he announced to no one in particular. “I dreamt that I was on an island and there were only women. Can you imagine? I was the only male on an island filled with the most gorgeous wo—“ He suddenly became aware he was being intently watched by his future grandmother-in-law, and quickly shut up. Waking up on an island filled with gorgeous women may be every man’s fantasy, it clearly wasn’t Gran’s.

Odelia took it in stride, though.“Well, isn’t that a coincidence? I dreamt I was on a desert island filled with gorgeous men, all catering to my every need. Crazy, huh?”

Immediately, Chase’s expression soured. “I don’t know what’s so wonderful about an island full of men,” he grumbled as he dug into the fridge and came out with the OJ.

“Well, I enjoyed it,” said Odelia. “You were saying, Gran?”

“Thank you,” said Gran. “Before I was so rudelyinterrupted…” She raised her voice as she spoke this last word, casting a censorious look at Chase, which the latter ignored as he was clearly still ruminating on Odelia’s island-of-gorgeous-males dream. “… I was going to tell you that I’ve decided to move in with you guys again. Isn’t that great?”

Chase, who’d been glugging down his orange juice straight from the container, choked and spat out a stream of the orange stuff straight into the sink. Some of it came out of his nose.

“You what?” he said, not exactly with the kind of warmth and welcoming attitude a woman expects from the man who’s about to plight his troth to her granddaughter.

“It’s just that I’ve been feeling a little lonely lately, all alone in that big old house.”

“You have your cats,” Chase pointed out as he wiped his face with a paper towel.

“It’s not the same without my daughter and her husband,” said Gran decidedly, “so I’ve decided to move in with you until they’re back from their trip through Europe. Now if you could prepare me a slice of toast, very crisp, lightly buttered, there’s a good boy.”

I saw how Chase exchanged a flabbergasted look with Odelia, the latter merely responding with a sigh and a shrug, and I felt for the big guy. I mean, it’s one thing to fall in love with a chirpy, happy, peppy blonde and move in with her, but quite another to get a slightly irritating older lady as a surprise bonus when you do.

“If gran is moving in with Odelia and Chase,” said Harriet, “Brutus and I are also moving back in.”

“Back?” I asked. “What do you mean, back? You’ve only ever lived next door, Harriet.”

“Yeah, and now I’m moving in with you, Max,” she said tersely. “Got a problem with that?”

Warning bells went off in my head, and a good thing they did, as many a cat has been on the receiving end of Harriet’s sharp tongue, and claws, in the past, and I wasn’t in the mood for either a tongue lashing, or a demonstration of just how sharp those claws were.

“No, no,” I hurried to say. “It’s perfectly fine with me.”

“If you do move in,” said Dooley, “we’ll probably have to negotiate a new peace treaty. Just like we did with Hector and Helga. I suggest Max and I get the downstairs, and you guys can have the upstairs. The basement, of course, belongs to the mice.”

“What are you talking about, Dooley?” asked Harriet, an expression of annoyance having crept up her pretty face.

“Well, when Hector moved in, Max negotiated a peace treaty,” Dooley explained, as I made frantic gestures for him to stop talking. Gestures, unfortunately, he blithely ignored. “So it’s only fair we do the same thing with you. Max, do you want to start?” He gave Harriet a warm smile. “Max is a skilled negotiator. Isn’t that right, Max?”

I cleared my throat as Harriet turned those fiery eyes on me.“Is that a fact?” she said.

“Well, obviously there’s a slight difference between a colony of mice moving in and two dear, dear friends like yourself and Brutus,” I prevaricated.

“Oh, is there now?” said Harriet, having adopted the kind of smooth tone that usually precipitates an outburst of volcanic proportions.

“Yeah, so I don’t think we need to go through all of that nonsense. Instead I’d like to extend the paw of friendship and bid you welcome in our humble home.Mi casa es su casa, and all that.”

Harriet, whose lips had drawn together in a thin line, nodded once.“Sometimes, Max, I wonder if you really are as smart as you think you are. First off, this isn’tyour casa at all. This isour casa, and so for you to welcome me into my own home is simply… simply…” She stomped her foot. “Aaargh!” she finished her statement with some eloquence, and made a beeline for the kitchen and her bowl of kibble.

“We probably should tell Odelia to place Harriet and Brutus’s bowls on the landing,” said Dooley with a thoughtful glance at Harriet’s retreating back. “And your litter boxes, of course,” he added for Brutus’s benefit.

I had a feeling that it was going to take me the better part of my designated nap time to try and explain to Dooley that there was going to be no peace treaty and no divvying up the house. But then what else is new?

Chapter 4

Odelia and Chase were enjoying a hearty breakfast with Odelia’s grandmother while the cats made arrangements for Harriet and Brutus to move in—though technically cats never ‘move in’ anywhere. They make their home wherever they like, and their humans simply have to accept it.

“So you miss Tex, huh?” said Chase as he ladled up his power breakfast. It consisted of oats, fruits, a fermented almond paste he made himself, and dates to add sweetness.

Gran’s eyes shot daggers at Odelia’s fianc?. “Of course I don’t miss Tex. It’s just that at my age any change of routine is a lot harder to bear. You’ll see when you’re as old as me.”

“You’re not that old, Gran,” said Odelia, earning herself a smile from her grandmother.

“Thanks, honey,” said Gran, affectionately patting her granddaughter on the cheek. She brought her piece of toast, now liberally smeared with strawberry jam, to her lips and took a big bite. There was nothing wrong with Gran’s appetite.

“I miss Mom and Dad,” said Odelia. “Though I’m happy they finally got the chance to fulfill an old dream.”

Her mother and father had left the week before for a three-week trip around Europe. London, Paris, Rome, Venice, Amsterdam… They were doing it all and doing it in style. Odelia had been getting tons of pictures, and her mother’s Facebook feed was full of snapshots of the two of them in front of Buckingham Palace, the Eiffel Tower, the Colosseum… And in every picture they looked a little tanner and more relaxed.

“I wouldn’t mind going on a trip around Europe myself,” said Gran now. “Though it wouldn’t be much fun on my own. I’d have to find a friend to tag along.”

She darted a meaningful glance at Odelia, but the latter held up her hand.“I can’t get away right now. I have a big story to tackle for Dan, and he’d kill me if I took off.” Not to mention that her piggy bank couldn’t afford the financial onslaught of three weeks in Europe.

“How about Scarlett?” asked Chase. “I thought you and her were BFFs now?”

Gran’s face sagged. “It’s one thing to finally be reconciled again, but another to be joined at the hip for almost a month while you hopscotch around an entire continent.”

“I’m glad you two are getting along so well again,” said Odelia. “And maybe you could start by going on a weekend trip together? See how it goes?”

Gran didn’t look convinced. “Mh,” she responded unenthusiastically. “She friended me on Facebook the other day, and has been sending me a never-ending string of personal messages.”

“That’s very nice of her,” said Odelia encouragingly. “It shows she really wants this friendship to work.”

“All pictures of half-naked men,” Gran clarified. “I’m starting to think the woman is some kind of nymphomaniac. I mean, I like the male form just as much as the next gal, but there are limits to the number of oiled-up pecs and glistening six-packs you can see.”

“She probably thought you’d like it.”

“Yeah, well, I don’t, and when I see her I’ll tell her in no uncertain terms what I think of all of this spam.” And with these words, she got down from her stool, dumped her plate in the sink and stalked off, presumably to start her move into the spare room.

“She’s in a mood,” Chase remarked.

“I think she misses Mom and Dad a lot more than she’s letting on,” said Odelia. “I miss them, and I don’t even live with them.”

“Looks like we’re turning our office-slash-gym into a spare bedroom again, huh?”

“Yeah, looks like it,” said Odelia, and placed a hand on her understanding boyfriend’s arm. “Sorry about that.”

“No, it’s fine,” said Chase. “I like your grandmother. She can be a handful, but she has a good heart, and I’m more than happy to accommodate her for two—“

“Three.”

Chase grimaced.“Three weeks.”

Odelia smiled. The last time Gran had moved in things had gotten a little tense. She hoped that this time the old lady would behave.

Her phone produced its telltale series of beeps, announcing a message from Mom, and she swiped to open the message. She smiled when she found herself glancing at her parents standing in front of what looked like a Roman centurion, goofy smiles on their faces, as Dad pretended to be engaged in a display of sword fight with the Roman.

Chase, glancing over her shoulder, said,“I can understand your gran. I wouldn’t mind taking a little vacation myself. Things have been pretty hectic at the office lately, and I’m due a vacation.”

“Yeah, me, too,” Odelia intimated. “Not Europe, though. We don’t have the time or the budget.”

“How about a weekend trip to the Keys? I think we could afford that, right?”

“Let’s talk about it once Mom and Dad are back,” Odelia suggested. A weekend trip was fine, but what she really longed for, she now realized, was the kind of vacation that involved a lot of lazing around on a tropical beach somewhere, the blue azure water lapping at her feet, waiters at her every beck and call, umbrella drink in hand and a good book. But since that wasn’t in the cards, she simply sighed and put down her phone.

Just then, the doorbell chimed, and she got up, wondering who it could be. She wasn’t expecting any visitors. She opened the door to find her uncle standing on the mat, accompanied by a woman she’d never seen before.

Uncle Alec smiled widely, and said,“Would you like to go to Thailand for three weeks?”

Chapter 5

I pricked up my ears at the mention of the word‘Thailand’. As everyone knows, cats aren’t frequent travelers, but lately we’d already flown to LA and even the UK, all in the wake of our human, who’s something of an amateur sleuth when the mood strikes.

Dooley and I locked eyes, and I could see that he, too, was impressed by this sudden turn of events.

“Thailand,” said Brutus. “Isn’t that where they eat cats and dogs for dinner?”

“Brutus!” Harriet cried.

“I’m sure they don’t eat cats in Thailand,” I said reassuringly.

“No, they do,” Brutus insisted. “And dogs.”

We all watched Uncle Alec step inside, followed by a young woman of petite dimensions. She had long dark hair and horn-rimmed glasses perched on a cute little nub of a nose. She glanced around nervously, not entirely at ease. I wondered if she was the travel agent Uncle Alec had secured for this unexpected trip he’d just mentioned.

“I don’t want to go to Thailand, Max,” said Dooley, wasting no time getting worked up. “I don’t like to be eaten.”

“Nobody likes to be eaten, Dooley,” I assured him.

“What’s this all about?” asked Chase, throwing down his napkin and joining his commanding officer in the living room.

“First let me introduce this young lady,” said Uncle Alec. “Kimmy Flannery, meet my niece Odelia and her future husband Chase, also known as Detective Kingsley. Kimmy works for a production company in the capacity of assistant producer, isn’t that right, Kimmy?”

Kimmy nodded.“I work for Sunshine Pictures. I don’t know if you’ve heard of them?”

Both Odelia and Chase shook their heads.

“No, I guess the product we make is more famous than the company. Passion Island is our main product right now, and has been a big hit for the past five seasons, now in prep for season six.”

Odelia’s mouth opened, and Chase’s jaw dropped. And when I glanced around, I could see that both Brutus and Harriet were very impressed indeed as well.

“This is serendipity,” Harriet said in a low voice. “I’m a believer, you guys.”

“A believer in what?” asked Dooley.

“Serendipity!” said Harriet.

“I’ve heard about that,” said Dooley. “It’s a national park in Africa.”

“I think that’s the Serengeti,” I said, and brought my paw to my lips in the universal sign of ‘Better shut up now or risk Harriet’s ire.’

“First off, this is not official,” said Kimmy, as everyone distributed themselves amongst the couches, or at least those spots that hadn’t been taken up by yours truly and my three friends. Cats are not easy to dislodge, so we simply stayed put, even if it meant that Uncle Alec had to remain standing, and Chase had to take the arm of the couch.

“I’ve worked for Sunshine Pictures from its inception,” said Kimmy, as she glanced around nervously, as if expecting nefarious elements to spring up from behind the curtains. “And don’t get me wrong: I love my job, and my colleagues. But something very strange has been happening, and I don’t know what to do about it, or how to proceed.”

“Kimmy is Charlene’s niece,” Uncle Alec explained. “And when Charlene heard about what happened, she told her to come and see me.”

“At first I didn’t want to,” said Kimmy, giving Uncle Alec an apologetic look. “In fact going to the police was the last thing I wanted to do.”

“But Charlene told her not to look upon me as a cop,” said Uncle Alec. “I mean, I’m a cop, of course, but I’m also a guy who has a very talented niece—a niece who’s a natural sleuth.” He gave Odelia a wink.

“So what’s the problem?” asked Chase. “What’s going on?”

Kimmy took a deep breath and launched into her story.“I’m not sure, but for the past five years we’ve staged five productions of Passion Island, with increasing success. And in those same five years, five of our participants have gone missing.”

“Probably eaten alive,” Brutus muttered.

“What do you mean?” asked Odelia with a frown.

“I don’t know if you’re familiar with our show?” asked Kimmy.

“I am,” said Odelia.

“Then I don’t have to explain that four men and four women participate each season. It’s my job to make sure they’re taken care of, not only their physical well-being but also psychologically. Which is why we always stay in touch with all participants even after the show has been taped and aired. Well, the strange thing is that I haven’t been able to contact several of the women of the past seasons, five altogether, one from each show.”

“You mean the winners?”

“Not the winners,” said Kimmy. “Contestants, not seductresses.”

“What’s a seductress, Max?” asked Dooley.

“Um…” I said.

“In Passion Island four couples are sent to Thailand,” Harriet explained. “The men are dropped on one island, the women on another. Once there, the men are joined by six seductresses and the women by six seducers, whose sole task it is to, well, seduce them. Make them perform an act of infidelity. If the candidates succumb to the charms, they lose. The couple that manages to remain faithful to each other wins the big prize.”

“What a weird show,” I said. I hadn’t really paid attention to Passion Island, as I’m not all that big on reality shows—they rarely feature cats, after all, or kibble—but this concept struck me as a little—or a lot—cruel.

“So what do you think happened to these women?” asked Chase.

“I don’t know. All I know is that I can’t seem to reach them.”

“Have you talked to their families? Maybe they simply don’t want to have anything to do with the show anymore,” Odelia suggested.

“Oh, I’ve tried everything. And it’s not as if they’ve actually been reported missing. In every single case they’ve decided to sever all contact with their loved ones.”

“But why?”

“Well, four women said they’d found Mr. Right, and got married after a whirlwind romance—so whirlwind they didn’t even invite their family or friends to the nuptials. And in one case the woman said she’d joined a convent in the Himalayas.”

“So… not exactly missing,” said Chase.

“None of these women has skyped or been seen alive since their alleged marriages or entry into monastic life. They’ve sent the occasional text or email, but no pictures or any other contact. No phone calls, no nothing, and their families are justifiably worried.”

“So why don’t they go to the police?” asked Odelia.

“Because they’ve been specifically asked not to. Allegedly by the women themselves.”

“And you think something else is going on.”

“Yes, I do. I think all five of them have been abducted, and a cover story has been fed to their families. Only there’s nothing I can prove, and the families don’t want the police to get involved.”

“They believe the cover story.”

Kimmy nodded.“They’re afraid that if they talk to the police they might never see their loved ones again.”

“It’s a pretty strange story,” said Chase, rubbing his chin.

“I know, and I didn’t know what to do, until I happened to mention it to my aunt, and she referred me to Alec, who referred me to you.” She directed a desperate look at Odelia. “I have a gut feeling something bad has happened to these women, and I don’t know where else to turn.”

Chapter 6

Following Odelia’s instructions, Vesta had found the spare mattress in the attic. Chase was supposed to get it down for her, but apparently he’d been detained. And since Vesta had never been the type of person to sit and wait, she’d decided to get the darn thing down herself.

Which in her case meant she’d simply shoved the mattress over to the attic door by giving it a couple of good kicks, and then, like a seasoned football player, had punted it down the stairs, sending it tumbling into the abyss.

The mattress landed on its feet—or in this case, since mattresses rarely have feet, on its side—and it only took another couple of good shoves and kicks to get it into position, squeezed in between Chase’s dumbbell rack, his home trainer, and Odelia’s desk.

“What a dumbbell,” Vesta mumbled under her breath. Why people bothered with fitness she’d never understand. If God had wanted humans to work out, he’d have outfitted them with leg warmers, a sweatband and a glittery leotard, like Jane Fonda.

She glanced around. It wasn’t exactly the coziest place in the world, but for now it would do. She didn’t like to admit it, but she hated waking up in an empty house, and going to bed without the comforting sounds of Tex and Marge brushing their teeth and hitting the hay same time as her.

She was getting pretty soft and mushy in her old age, but that couldn’t be helped. Like her cats, she was a creature both of comfort and habit, and if Marge and Tex decided to desert her, at least she had her granddaughter and that goofy cop she insisted on dating to tide her over until the European traveling couple’s triumphant return.

And she was trudging down the stairs, reminding herself she needed to ask Chase to switch the TV to her favorite channel and keep it there for the duration, when she heard the two words in the English language that never failed to give her a jolt of pleasant anticipation and excitement: Passion Island.

“So you’ll do it?” an unfamiliar woman’s voice was asking.

“I’ll have to ask my boss, but if he says yes, we’ll do it,” said Odelia. “The only problem is: I can’t really afford to spend three weeks in Thailand on my salary.”

“That’s all right. I’ve arranged for you and Detective Kingsley to join the show as one of the four couples.”

Vesta, as she entered the living room, slightly out of breath, both from excitement and the fact that she’d practically skipped the final step in her eagerness to join the conversation and had had to perform a number of complicated and acrobatic movements in order to stay upright, said, “Me too! I’m going as a couple, too!”

“Gran!” said Odelia, surprised to see her aged relative burst onto the scene like a cuckoo from a clock. She smiled at a young thin woman with glasses, and said, “This is my grandmother. She’s a big fan of Passion Island.”

“Where do I sign up?” said Vesta, licking her lips and rubbing her hands.

“Um…” said the woman, giving Vesta a decidedly skeptical once-over.

She directed an anxious glance at Odelia, who said, reassuringly,“Gran is fine. She won’t tell anyone what she just heard. Isn’t that right, Gran?”

“Who cares? I want to be on the show!”

“I’m afraid…” the woman began.

“Oh, no!” Vesta lamented plaintively. “Don’t tell me you’re not going to take me with you to Thailand! I want to go! I want to be on the show!”

“It’s a miracle Kimmy has been able to get Odelia and Chase on the show,” said Alec. “You can’t expect her to get you signed up, too, Ma.”

“But—“

“You don’t even have a partner.”

“But—“

“No,” said Alec, using his cop voice. “And no means no.”

“But, but, but…”

“Listen, I’ll send you a link that gives you exclusive behind-the-scenes access,” said the woman named Kimmy. “How does that sound?”

“Lousy! I’m going to Thailand with you! Odelia?” She turned to her granddaughter, and gave her her best puppy-dog look. “Pretty please?”

But her granddaughter was as unyielding as Kimmy.“I’m sorry, Gran,” she said. “Not this time.”

She set her jaw, gave the collected company a mulish look, and said,“This isn’t over!” then turned on her heel and strode off.

If Odelia and that Kimmy person really thought they’d deny her the opportunity to join her favorite show ever, they had another thing coming. And as she stomped out into the backyard, through the hole in the hedge and into her own backyard, the first contours of a plan started to form in her mind.

Whether Odelia liked it or not, she was going to Thailand.“Just you wait and see,” she muttered, as she slammed the kitchen door and took out her phone. She knew just who to call.

Chapter 7

“I don’t want to go to Thailand, Max,” Dooley said for the umpteenth time.

“And we’re not,” I responded, reiterating what I’d told him all those previous times.

We were walking down the street on our customary foray into town, eager to extract some snippets of news from our usual correspondents in our fair town. Snippets we faithfully relay to Odelia, who collects the greatest hits and puts them in her newspaper.

“But Odelia is going, and Chase, and there’s no way they’ll go without dragging us along,” Dooley said, and not unreasonably so.

“First off, it’s not even a sure thing Odelia is going,” I said.

“But she promised Kimmy she’d go and look for those missing women.”

“She said she was going to ask her boss. That’s a different thing altogether. And if I know Dan, he’ll probably say no. Odelia has a full plate right now, and there’s no way he’ll allow her to disappear for three weeks. Also, didn’t you hear what Chase said this morning? He has a lot ofwork at the police precinct, so he’s not going, either. And if they’re not going, we’re not going.”

“I hope so,” said Dooley. He didn’t look convinced, nor did I blame him. When the call of adventure sounds, Odelia is often all too eager to heed it, and usually she likes to take us along with her, as her eyes and ears in the world of pets and other furry creatures. Only I was with Dooley onthis one. The prospect of becoming a yummy snack for the discerning Thai didn’t hold a lot of appeal for me. I like to eat, but that doesn’t mean I also like to be eaten, if you see what I mean.

We’d arrived in the heart of town, and made a beeline for our friend and frequent collaborator Kingman, Hampton Cove’s unofficial feline mayor. He was lounging on the sidewalk, regaling a small gathering of—strictly female—felines with his tall tales.

“Hey, you guys,” he said by way of greeting once we hove into view. “So there I was,” he continued fascinating the six or so adoring females, “hanging from a single claw, and it was only through the sheer strength of my not inconsiderable muscular prowess that I managed to hoist myself upand back to safety. Meanwhile the rat, which was easy twice my size, was first stunned then turned vicious. And as it yelled, ‘Why don’t you just dieeeeeeee!’ and came charging in my direction, pure hatred written all over its hideous features, fangs dripping with saliva, ready to pounce and shove me into the abyss, I—“

“I saw that movie!” Dooley suddenly interrupted. “I don’t remember what it was called…”

“Please be quiet,” said Kingman. “So the rat came storming in my direction and I decided to take a stand. ‘You will not pass!’ I called out to the vicious creature.”

“Ooh, Kingman!” one of the females cooed. “You’re such a hero!”

“We saw it together,” said Dooley, once again interrupting Kingman’s narrative. “It was playing on Wilbur’s little TV.” He gestured to the small TV set Wilbur Vickery, Kingman’s human, likes to keep next to the cash register, so he can watch sports when business is slow. Though he often watches when business isn’t slow, too, it must be said.

“Shush, Dooley,” said Kingman. “Can’t you see I’m in the middle of something? So that rat came zooming in my direction, claws out, eyes red and bulging and—“

“And then the rat attacked and they fought and by some miracle that brave little cat won the fight and flung the rat into the ravine. I liked it. The lead cat was quite the actor.”

“Dooley!” Kingman cried, as his feline audience began to show signs of restlessness.

“Yes, Kingman?” said Dooley.

But too late. The fatal fascination Kingman had held over his admirers was broken, and as they dispersed, aiming such choice words at Kingman as‘fake’ and ‘show-off’, Kingman shouted back, “But the story isn’t finished! Ladies, please!”

But no dice. Kingman had been booed off the stage and his fans were fans no more.

He heaved a deep sigh.“So hard these days to educate and entertain. One faux pas and they’re gone.” He directed a not-too-friendly glance at my friend. “And your babbling didn’t help. Why did you have to go and interrupt me just when I was going so well?”

“Odelia is thinking about sending us to Thailand to be eaten,” said Dooley. “And we need your advice, Kingman. I don’t want to be eaten, and neither does Max.”

Kingman’s wrath quickly dissipated. “Thailand? Eaten?”

“How many times to I have to tell you, Dooley?” I said. “We’re not going to Thailand. And even if we were, I’m sure Odelia wouldn’t allow people to eat us.”

“Odelia is going to Thailand?” asked Kingman, interested. “On vacation?”

“Not a vacation,” I said. “Five women who participated in a reality show have disappeared, and the show’s assistant producer has asked Odelia to investigate.”

“What reality show?”

“Passion Island.”

“I love that show!” Kingman cried. “Wilbur watches it all the time. He even signed up for the auditions but he wasn’t selected.”

“Auditions?” I asked. “But I thought Wilbur was a bachelor?”

“Yeah, shouldn’t he audition for The Bachelor instead?” asked Dooley, indicating he knew his reality shows well. Then again, Dooley spends a lot of time with Gran, and if anyone is a reality show aficionado, it’s Odelia’s grandmother.

“He wanted to try out for seducer,” Kingman explained.

We all glanced up at Wilbur. The gaunt, white-bearded, rheumy-eyed old man was watching Tom& Jerry and chuckling delightedly, slapping his thighs in the process.

“He doesn’t look like a seducer,” Dooley said, and I thought that was probably the understatement of the year.

“No, the producers didn’t even invite him,” said Kingman. “Too bad. Wilbur said he could have done a lot of damage.”

I winced at the notion of Wilbur Vickery putting on his best seduction game. Somehow the prospect didn’t hold a lot of appeal.

“Look, if Odelia decides to go to Thailand, all you gotta do is say no,” said Kingman. “She’s your human, but that doesn’t mean you have to do what she says. You simply tell her no, not this time, and you stay home. Someone will be there to look after you guys, right?”

“Yeah, Gran definitely isn’t going,” I said.

“See? Problem solved. In fact maybe it will do you some good. No Odelia means no cases to solve or clues to hunt. Consider this a nice little vacation.”

Dooley’s face cleared, and I have to confess that the prospect of spending three weeks doing absolutely nothing sounded pretty sweet to me, too. Eating, sleeping… more eating.

Three cats came sashaying down the sidewalk, wagging their tails, and Kingman gave them his best grin.“Hey, ladies, did I tell you the story of the big hairy rat and how I defeated that sucker?”

It was clear we’d just been dismissed, and so we went on our way.

“Kingman is right, Max,” said Dooley. “If Odelia goes to Thailand we simply tell her we don’t want to go, on account of the fact that we don’t like to be eaten. She’ll understand.”

I agreed wholeheartedly. And so it was with a spring in our step and the prospect of three weeks vacation on our minds that we continued our daily perambulation of Hampton Cove.

Chapter 8

Odelia was in her editor’s office, discussing Kimmy’s request. Dan, his brow creased and his long white beard waggling, was clearly thinking hard.

“So… you’d have to go all the way to Thailand for three weeks?”

“Kimmy can get both me and Chase signed up as one of the four couples. It would be perfect. We could talk to everyone involved in the show’s production and find out what’s going on.”

“It could be dangerous,” Dan said.

“I know, but Chase will be there in case something goes wrong.”

“Mh…” said Dan, clearly not fully convinced. He was fingering his beard now, presumably digging around for crumbs he’d missed during his morning grooming session. Odelia had always wondered how men like Dan managed to keep their beards so immaculate. If she had a beard like that it would very quickly turn into a receptacle for anything that failed to go down the hatch while indulging in the occasional snack or sitting down for her three square meals a day.

“You don’t think it’s a good idea?”

“Mh…” Dan repeated, and swiveled a little in his swivel chair. “I took a quick look at the women Kimmy claims have gone missing, and it strikes me that they’re all the same type: blond, slim and pretty.” He waggled his bushy brows. “Just like someone else I know.”

“Oh? Who?”

“You, of course! You’re the spitting image of the five women who’ve disappeared. So if there’s some kidnapper at work who likes to snatch women who’ve been on Passion Island he’ll grab you in a heartbeat.”

Odelia laughed.“No one in his right mind would try to snatch me, Dan.”

His response was another brow waggle.

“I’m not even pretty!”

“Oh, you foolish woman,” said Dan with a sigh. “Of course you are. And you have to wonder if you’re not putting yourself in harm’s way here, simply because Kimmy doesn’t want to hire a professional.”

“I am a professional,” said Odelia, expanding a little.

Dan gave her a warm smile.“A professional reporter, not a professional detective.”

“It would make for a great story,” she said, deciding to dangle the carrot. She knew Dan was a sucker for a killer story, whether it was related to Hampton Cove or not.

“It is a great story,” he agreed. “At least if the reporter writing it survives long enough to hand in her copy.”

“Nothing’s gonna happen to me, Dan,” she assured her boss. “Like I said, Chase will be there, and so will my cats.”

“Your cats won’t be able to stop anyone from grabbing you, and if I understand the concept of Passion Island, and I think I do, Chase will be dumped on a different island and not allowed anywhere near you. They’ll even take away your phone.”

“It’ll be fine,” she said with a careless wave of the hand. “I can take care of myself.”

“Mh…”

“I can do it in my spare time if you want! I have some vacation racked up.”

He studied her keenly, eyes sparkling with mirth.“Tell you what. You make sure you win this thing. Cause as far as I can tell, no winner of the show has been snatched, right?”

“Is that why you’re so worried?” She laughed. “You think I’ll allow one of those musclebound idiots to seduce me? Fat chance!”

“It’s not you I’m worried about, sweetheart,” said Dan, real concern lacing his voice.

She gaped at her editor, aghast.“You think… Chase will fall for some painted bimbo?”

“He’s a man, Odelia,” her editor declared solemnly, “and men are weak.”

“Not Chase. Uh-uh. Plus, we’re getting married in September.”

“Exactly. A man who’s about to be tied down for life is like a cat on a hot tin roof. He’s liable to make some very strange moves.”

She shook her head.“Nope. No way. Chase would never cheat on me.”

“If you say so.”

“Iam saying so! Chase doesn’t evenlook at other women. He’s absolutely faithful, and I have complete faith in him.”

Dan spread his arms.“Looks like you’ve got all your bases covered.”

“You mean… it’s a go?”

He smiled.“It’s a go.” But then he raised his finger, like a schoolteacher about to dispense some nuggets of wisdom. “Just promise me you won’t put yourself in danger, and the moment you see anyone act suspicious, tell Kimmy, so she can send in the cavalry.”

“Well, let’s hope the cavalry, in the form of Chase, won’t be too busy with his harem of seductresses to come running when the call goes out,” said Odelia with a grin.

Dan nodded seriously.“Let’s hope so.”

“I was kidding!”

“I was not,” said Dan. “For a couple that’s about to tie the knot, the last thing I would advise is to participate in a show like Passion Island.”

“Don’t worry, Dan,” said Odelia as she got up. “Both Chase and I are professionals. This is just a job for us, not an opportunity to go wild.”

But as she left the office, she had the impression Dan still wasn’t fully on board with the scheme. And she had to admit that his attitude had sown the first seeds of doubt in her mind. Maybe Dan was right. Subjecting Chase to six seasoned seductresses—some of the most beautiful women on the planet—eager to do anything and everything in their power to lurehim into their beds, maybe wasn’t the best idea for a man about to say ‘I do.’

But then she shrugged off Dan’s misgivings. The man was old and cynical. That’s what you got from being a newspaperman for forty years. You got jaded.

Chase would be fine, and so would she, and she’d get one hell of a story out of the whole thing. Even if Kimmy was wrong, and no foul play was involved, she’d still get the inside scoop on one of the most popular reality shows in recent times.

Three weeks in a tropical paradise, all expenses paid. Yippie!

Chapter 9

As is our custom, we dropped by the office to regale Odelia with the latest tidbits of news from the streets of Hampton Cove. It wasn’t all that earth-shattering, but still. Buster, the hairdresser’s Main Coon, told us that Gwayn Partington, the plumber, was having an affair with the electrician’s wife, and that Mayor Butterwick had decided to adopt a new hairstyle. Over at the police precinct we’d witnessed firsthand how Uncle Alec had been looking up websites on hair transplants and had taken receipt of a box of Slimmo, the patented method of losing up to thirty pounds in a single week. And at the doctor’s office Tex’s replacement Denby Jennsen was still as popular as ever, his waiting room filled with half of Hampton Cove’s female population. Jennsen is a very handsome man, it must be said, and could probably snag a major part in any medical TV show.

Denby’s Anatomy, in other words, was very much in demand.

So all in all not much news, and certainly nothing worth printing, unless Odelia decided to turn the budding romance between her uncle and Charlene Butterwick into newspaper fodder, turning them into a local celebrity couple. Somehow I didn’t think the affair between the town’s mayor and chief of police would capture the hearts and minds to the same extent as some Hollywood heartthrob’s latest conquest, though.

“Great news, you guys,” said Odelia the moment we walked into her office.

“We have some great news, too,” said Dooley. “Uncle Alec is getting new hair and a new waistline.”

This stymied Odelia somewhat.“What?” she asked, taken aback a little.

I explained to her about Slimmo and the hair transplant site and Odelia tsk-tsked mildly.“You shouldn’t spy on my uncle or my uncle’s girlfriend, you guys.”

And here I thought she wanted us to spy on everyone.“Also, Charlene asked Fido to give her Jennifer Aniston’s hair,” said Dooley, not discouraged by Odelia’s admonition.

Odelia frowned as she processed this.“Mh. So Charlene got Jennifer Aniston’s haircut and my uncle is surfing hair transplant websites and taking dodgy diet pills. I have a feeling their romance is seriously hotting up.”

“He was also surfing some other site,” said Dooley. He crinkled his brow as he tried to recall. “They sell little blue pills that help men with their election. Do you think Uncle Alec is going to enter the election, Odelia?”

Odelia blushed a little, and appeared flustered by this information. I would have corrected Dooley, but somehow I had a feeling this would lead me into hot water, so I didn’t.

Odelia cleared her throat.“In other news,” she said, “I think you’ll be happy to know that Dan has given me the green light.”

Dooley appeared puzzled.“Why would Dan give you a green light?”

“I mean, he gave me the go-ahead.”

“Go ahead where?”

“Thailand! And you guys are coming with!”

I don’t think I’ve ever seen a cat turn white around the nostrils. For one thing it’s very hard to notice, what with all the hair, but I had the distinct impression Dooley went as white as a sheet. “But I don’t want to go!” he cried, once he’d recovered from the shock.

“What?” said Odelia, taken aback by his vehemence.

“They eat cats in Thailand, Odelia,” he lamented, “and I don’t want to be eaten!”

She laughed—actually had the gall to laugh at our predicament! I’d always thought Odelia was a compassionate person, always looking out for our well-being. But now, certain death staring us in the face, she was practically rolling on the floor laughing!

“People don’t eat cats in Thailand, Dooley,” she said once she’d recovered from her laughing fit. “That’s China you’re thinking about.”

“No, I’m not thinking about China,” said Dooley. “I’m thinking about Thailand and the fact that I don’t want to be roasted over a slow fire like a chicken.”

“Rotisserie cat,” I said in a low voice, and shivered from stem to stern. “Brrr.”

“Look, you guys, no one is going to roast you over a fire, slow or otherwise. I’m sure the Thai simply love cats—they revere them. So you’ll be perfectly safe. And I’ll be there with you the whole time, so nothing can happen. In fact, since I’m one of the candidates, I’m pretty sure I’ll be treated like royalty over there. And that means so will you.”

“Royalty?” asked Dooley, still suspicious. “Are you sure?”

“Of course I’m sure! Passion Island is the network’s biggest moneymaker, so they’re going to make sure we’re pampered to within an inch of our lives. And you know what that means. The best hotel, the best food, the best accommodations. In fact it wouldn’t surprise me if you two didn’tget your own personal assistant to cater to your every need.”

I perked up at this, and so did Dooley. A personal assistant catering to our every need was just the kind of thing I’d always dreamed of. Odelia may be the best human a cat could find, but she’s also a very busy human, always running off to cover some story or try and solve some mystery, rarely taking the time to pamper us twenty-four seven.

“When are we leaving?” asked Dooley, having come around to the idea of going to Thailand in record time.

“I’ll have to confirm with Kimmy, but I think we’re expected to travel in a couple of days. They’d selected another couple, but they’ve had to drop out, on account of the fact that the woman turned out to be pregnant.”

“They don’t like pregnant women on the show?” I asked.

“No, that’s where they draw the line. They don’t mind breaking up couples, but not couples that are married, or pregnant. They’re not that cruel. So Kimmy managed to slot us in, since they needed a new couple last minute.” She grabbed her phone. “I have to tell Chase. He needs to talk to my uncle about taking a leave of absence.”

“What about Harriet and Brutus?” I asked.

“What about them?” said Odelia distractedly as she typed a message on her phone, fingers darting across the screen with a dexterity that was close to the speed of light.

“Are they also going to Thailand?”

“Nope. When I told Kimmy I wanted to bring my pets she wasn’t keen. She only relented when I made it clear I wasn’t going without you, but she drew the line at two. If I took Harriet and Brutus I’d look more like a crazy cat lady and less like a candidate for Passion Island. Gran will take care of Harriet and Brutus while we’re away.”

I shared a look of concern with Dooley. Somehow I had the feeling this wouldn’t go down well with Harriet. Not well at all.

Chapter 10

“What do you mean I can’t go?” Gran cried. She stood, hands on hips, looking the picture of distress and disappointment.

“I’m sorry, Gran, but it’s a miracle Kimmy managed to get me and Chase on the show. There’s no way she could extend the courtesy to other members of my family.”

“What other members? I’m your sidekick. I’m the Dr. Watson to your Sherlock Holmes, the Hastings to your Poirot, the Jake to your Fatman—not that you’re fat.”

“It’s just another investigation, Gran,” said Odelia. “You’d be bored to tears.”

“Bored to tears on Passion Island? Are you nuts? It’s the adventure of a lifetime, the thing I’ve been dreaming of!”

They were in Odelia’s living room, Jeopardy playing in the background, and an aproned Chase preparing dinner in the kitchen—spaghetti bolognese, his specialty.

“You’re not going to leave your poor old granny at home, are you?” asked Gran, lip quivering and voice breaking. “All alone in this big old house with no one to take care of me?”

“Harriet and Brutus will be here,” Odelia pointed out. “And I’ve asked Uncle Alec to drop by every day.”

“It’s not the same and you know it,” said Gran, sinking down onto the couch. “Besides, Alec is so busy wining and dining Charlene these days he’ll forget about his poor old mother the moment you take off for the airport.” Next to Gran on the couch, two more disappointed members of Odelia’s family sat. Reading left to right, they were Harriet and Brutus. Though Brutus didn’t look half as disappointed as Harriet. In fact Odelia had the impression Brutus didn’t mind one bit. Harriet, though, looked crestfallen.

“I love that show, Odelia,” said the Persian. “In fact it’s the one show that could really benefit from my presence.”

Harriet had told Odelia all about her idea to launch a second Passion Island show, this time focusing on cats. Odelia didn’t see how that was even remotely possible, but it just goes to show that Harriet loved Passion Island with a passion bordering on obsession. It pained Odelia to have to leave them behind, but there was simply no way she could talk Kimmy into providing accommodation for two more of her cats.

“I’m sorry,” she said. “But it’s only for a short time. We’ll be back before you know it.”

“Why don’t you take me and leave Max?” Harriet suggested now. “I mean, I’m just as much of a sleuth as he is, and he doesn’t even like Passion Island. I do. I know everything there is to know about that show.”

“Don’t waste your breath, honey,” said Gran as she morosely stared at Alex Trebek. “Can’t you see her mind is made up? My favorite granddaughter has decided to stab her nearest and dearest in the back, all for the chance of becoming a star.”

“Gran, it’s not like that,” said Odelia.

“Oh, no?” The old lady pointed a bony finger in her granddaughter’s direction. “The moment you’re selected for Passion Island you cruelly ditch your sickly old grandmother and your two favorite cats. You know what I call that? Diva behavior. You’re not the same person you once were, Odelia. Success has gone to your head. It’s made you hard. In fact, you know what?” She got up very swiftly for a sickly old lady, and made for the sliding glass door. “I don’t think I want to see you for a while. I’m going back to my own home. Alone. Without anyone to love me or care for me.” And with a stifled sob, she slowly closed the door, stared at Odelia for a few moments, then slumped her shoulders and slouched off.

“Maybe we can find a way to bring her along?” Odelia suggested now, her heart breaking at the sight of her gran.

“Don’t fall for it,” said Chase. “She’s just putting on an act.”

“You think so?”

“Sure.” Chase smiled and pressed a kiss to her temple. “I haven’t known your gran as long as you have, obviously, but even I can tell when she’s faking it.”

“Still…”

“She’s better off here. If what Kimmy suspects is true, the set of Passion Island is the last place she should be. That place is dangerous.”

Odelia nodded and put placemats on the table.

“Besides, I’ll bet she’ll be back here in five minutes.”

“She will?”

“Sure. The woman loves my spaghetti.”

[Êàðòèíêà: img_3]

That night, Odelia talked to her parents on Skype. She was happy to see how well they looked.

“Thailand?” asked her dad. “Are you sure, honey? I’ve heard terrible stories about those reality shows. And participants disappearing? That doesn’t sound like the thing you should get involved in.”

“Kimmy doesn’t have anywhere else to turn, Dad,” she said. “And I’m sure the set will be a safe place. The participants only disappeared once the show was already taped.”

“I love Passion Island,” said her mother, not surprisingly. “In fact I’ve asked your grandmother to record the reruns. I hope she hasn’t forgotten.”

“Oh, I doubt it,” said Dad. “Not now that her granddaughter will be one of the participants.” He smiled broadly. In spite of his qualms, he was clearly proud of his daughter. “And you’re telling me Chase will also be there?”

“Yeah, we’re going as a couple.”

“And the idea is…”

“Oh, Tex,” said Mom, giving her husband a light slap on the shoulder. “I’ve told you a million times how it works. Four couples go to Thailand, then are separated. The men on one island and the women on another. Six seducers then try to seduce the women, and six seductresses try to seduce the men. The couple that manages to stay together, wins.”

“But why?” asked Tex. “What’s the point?”

“It’s a reality show!” said Odelia laughingly. “Does there really have to be a point?”

Dad was shaking his head.“So six men are going to try and seduce you?”

“Yeah, and six of the most gorgeous women are going to try and seduce Chase.” As she spoke the words, Dan’s reservations echoed in her ears. She decided to ignore them.

“I don’t know, honey. Still sounds like a bad idea if you ask me,” said Dad.

“What sounds like a bad idea, Dad?” asked Chase, pulling up a chair.

Dad winced. Lately Chase had started calling him‘Dad’ and for some reason it grated on the good doctor. “So, um, how is Denby doing?” he asked, abruptly changing the topic.

“Oh, he’s fine,” said Odelia. “I dropped by this afternoon and he said he’s never been busier. He didn’t know Hampton Cove had so many sick people.”

“Sick women, you mean,” said Chase. “Since he took over for Dad the number of women has multiplied, and I don’t think it’s because they’ve all suddenly developed some life-threatening disease, either.” He laughed. “He’s one handsome devil, that Denby, Dad. Aren’t you worried he’ll take over your office and settle down permanently?”

“Denby would never do that,” said Dad stoically. “So, Chase, how do you feel about this whole Passion Island gag?”

Chase suddenly turned serious. Odelia had often noticed that her fianc? had two faces: his regular, laidback demeanor, and his cop face, which he pulled when he talked shop. As if some inner switch was flipped and his well-honed police instincts took over. “I think the whole thing stinks,” he said now. “Five women disappearing and the producers don’t even want to investigate? Something is pretty rotten, Dad.”

“Please,” said Dad, in a slightly strangled voice. “Just… call me Tex?”

“But why, Dad? We’re family now.”

“Just… humor me, will you?”

Chase shrugged, but Odelia could tell he wasn’t happy about it. “Sure… Tex.”

Abruptly the tall cop got up and stalked off.

“Where did he go?” asked Dad, surprised.

“Where do you think? You just told him not to call you dad,” said Odelia.

“How could you, Tex?” said Mom. “Chase loves you and you had to go and break his heart.”

“I didn’t break his heart! I just don’t like it when people call me dad that aren’t my flesh and blood.”

“Tex!”

“What?!”

“Yeah, Dad, that wasn’t very nice of you,” said Odelia.

“It sounds weird!”

“Well, get used to it, cause Chase is going to be in our lives a lot from now on,” said Mom.

“Oh, all right. He can call me dad. Happy now?”

“Don’t say it if you don’t mean it, Tex,” said Mom.

“I mean it! I do!”

“Then you better tell Chase. And apologize.”

“Chase!” Odelia called out. “Dad wants to tell you something!”

Chase came ambling up, hands stuffed into his pockets, his face a thundercloud.“What?” he asked sullenly as he reluctantly sat down again, then studied his fingernails.

“Chase, son,” said Dad, “I’m sorry about before. I want you to call me dad from now on.”

“I thought you wanted me to call you Tex?” Chase grumbled.

“Well, I’d love it if you called me dad,” said Dad. “Absolutely love it.” He winced a little, then said, “I was worried you wouldn’t want to. And I didn’t want you to feel obligated.”

Chase’s face lit up. “I don’t mind. In fact I love it. Dad.”

Dad grimaced, then managed an ingratiating smile.“That’s the spirit. Son.”

“We’re one big happy family,” said Mom. “And that’s just the way we like it.”

“One big happy family but I’m not included,” Gran muttered as she walked by on her way to the stairs.

“Ma!” mom yelled, but Gran ignored her. “What did she say just now?”

“Oh, she’s mad because she doesn’t get to go to Thailand,” Odelia explained.

“She’ll get over it,” Mom said. “Now there’s one thing I want to tell Chase before we sign off. Whatever happens in Thailand—“

“Stays in Thailand,” Dad said with a grin, earning himself another slap from Mom.

“Whatever happens, Chase, remember one thing.”

Odelia smiled as she fully expected her mother to tell Chase that his future wife loved him, and that no seductresses could ever come between him and true love.

Instead, Mom said:“There are infrared cameras in the bedrooms capturing your every move. In fact they’ve got cameras hooked up all over the island.”

“Oh-kay,” said Chase, a little startled.

“Mom!” said Odelia. “Chase doesn’t need to know about the cameras because there’s not going to be anything worth filming. Isn’t that right, Chase? Honey?”

“No, of course, of course,” said Chase, a little too quickly, Odelia felt.

Dad suddenly leaned closer to the screen.“I also got something to tell you, son.” The upper half of his face now filled the screen. “If you cheat on my daughter you never get to call me dad ever again, is that understood?”

“I understand, sir,” said Chase soberly.

“I mean it, son. If you ever so much as lay a hand on one of those sedu—“

But the connection cut out before he could finish his sentence. Possibly because Mom and Dad had bad Wi-Fi in the hotel in Rome where they were currently holed up, or—more likely, Odelia felt—because Mom had ended the conversation, not wanting Dad to start threatening Chase with grievous bodily harm.

And not for the first time since she’d accepted the assignment, a tiny sliver of doubt entered Odelia’s mind. And when she opened the email Kimmy had sent, containing pictures of all six seductresses, those doubts only multiplied.

These women were every man’s wet dream.

She just hoped they weren’t Chase’s.

Chapter 11

Cats don’t fly. That’s always been my contention and I stick to it. We’re not built for being hurled through infinite space in a narrow metal tube. Still, if we’re compelled to fly, on account of the fact that our human doesn’t take no for an answer, best to do it in style.

And it has to be said: Sunshine Pictures had spared no expense to transport its contestants from one part of the world to the other. On the flight over, Dooley and I even had our own cubicle where we were being pampered to our hearts’ content.

“Air travel is starting to grow on me, Max,” said Dooley once we were well underway. We’d just tucked into our bowls of gourmet lasagna—Garfield-approved, no doubt—and a very nice young lady had fluffed up our cushions to perfection, and as we gazed out at the deck of clouds below, the plane’s powerful engines taking us ever closer to the land of the Thai, I endorsed my friend’s view wholeheartedly.

“It doesn’t really feel as if we’re hundreds of feet in the air,” I said.

“And those clouds look like soft pillows,” he said, a little lazily. “So if we fall from the sky, we’ll probably land very softly.”

“We won’t even feel a thing.”

“Just a very smooth sensation of landing on top a giant ball of cotton.”

Suddenly, the intercom crackled to life and the captain’s voice croaked, “Be advised that we’re approaching some minor turbulence. Please fasten your seatbelts.”

And even before the words were out of the man’s mouth, suddenly the plane dropped from the sky and my stomach collided with my teeth.

“Max!” Dooley cried. “We’re going to dieeeeeeeeee!”

I would have dissuaded him from this bleak view hadn’t I taken the same view myself. “This is the end!” I cried, as my friend clasped his paws around my, admittedly, pudgy midsection.

“Max, you’re my best friend and I love you so much!” Dooley tooted in my ear.

“Likewise, Dooley. I love you, buddy!”

The plane suddenly lurched, and both Dooley and I were swept up into the air and almost hit the ceiling, before returning with a plop to our cushioned seats. Meanwhile, we both yelled our little heads off.

“I once ate a piece of kibble that belonged to you, Max!” Dooley said, having entered the confession stage of this impending-doom scenario.

“I forgive you!” I returned.

“And I once peed in Brutus’s water bowl after he said some nasty things about you!”

“Oh, Dooley!”

“He told me later his water tasted funny and thought it was ozone.”

I laughed, and so did Dooley. And then, as unexpectedly as it had started, the plane steadied, and the captain announced that the‘mild’ turbulence was a thing of the past.

“Um, Dooley?” I said after a moment’s pause.

“Yes, Max?”

“You can let go of me now.”

“Oh, all right.”

Odelia popped her head into our little cubicle.“Are you guys all right?”

“I thought we were going to die,” Dooley confessed.

“Me, too,” I said.

She smiled.“You didn’t die, and you’re not going to. Now try to get some rest. It’s still a couple of hours before we land.”

She withdrew, leaving us to ruminate on our most recent brush with death.

“Max?”

“Mh?”

“I don’t think I like airplanes all that much after all.”

“Me, neither.”

I must have fallen asleep then, for when I woke up the plane was already landing. We’d arrived in Thailand, and our new adventure had begun.

The moment we were off the plane, a fancy black car took us to our hotel, where Odelia proceeded to introduce us to our room. The next day we were traveling to the island that would be our home for the next couple of weeks. But for now we were in five-star lodgings in the heart of Bangkok, which is Thailand’s capital, and probably its most famous city.

As I gazed out of the hotel room window, I saw a hubbub of life outside. Little cars called rickshaws or Tuk-tuks crisscrossed the streets, and it appeared as if there were people and cars and buses everywhere.

“This looks a lot busier than Hampton Cove,” Dooley remarked.

“Yes, it certainly does,” I agreed.

I also saw plenty of dogs that didn’t seem to belong to anyone, and wondered briefly if the rumors about the Thai eating cats and dogs weren’t true, after all. At least they couldn’t eat us, ensconced as we were in our fancy hotel room.

“Let’s go out,” Odelia announced.

“Are you sure? I’m pretty bushed,” Chase replied, indicating her words hadn’t been meant for Dooley and myself.

“Yeah, I’ve never been to Bangkok before. We should take this opportunity to see something of the city.”

“As you wish,” said Chase with a smile.

Odelia crouched down next to us.“Will you guys be all right in here?”

“Oh, sure,” I said, and stifled a yawn. In spite of the fact that I’d slept on the plane, I was ready for another nap. “You and Chase have a good time,” I said encouragingly. “Dooley and I will nap until you get back.”

She petted my head and then they were off, leaving us in the relative silence of our room on the fourth floor of the hotel.

And it has to be said, I slept like a log, and didn’t even notice when Odelia and Chase returned.

“It’s jet lag,” Dooley knew when we both woke up in the middle of the night. “I saw it on the Discovery Channel. Your body travels through several time zones and it takes a while to catch up.”

We were both curled up on the foot of the bed, and as I listened to the combined snores of Odelia and Chase, it felt just like home.

I woke up again from the sound of footfalls on the carpet and opened my eyes to see what was going on.

In the darkness of the room, I suddenly saw that a man was standing there. He was at the foot of the bed, holding up a phone and it looked as if he was filming us.

I gulped a little, and poked Odelia’s foot. She stirred, and I whispered, “There’s someone standing there filming us!”

“Yes, Mom,” she murmured. “I promise I’ll be a good girl.”

“Chase, wake up!” I said, giving the cop’s foot a prod.

“The name is Bond. Chase Bond,” Chase mumbled.

“There’s an intruder!” I loud-whispered, to no avail.

The intruder must have gotten hip to the fact that a cat was following his every move, and what sounded to Odelia’s ears as actual words forming coherent sentences must have sounded to him like plaintive mewling.

So even before I managed to rouse my human from sleep, the man lowered his phone and tiptoed away again.

I hopped down from the bed, eager to go in pursuit and find out what was going on, but as I reached the door, he closed it, and that put a stop to my attempts to play detective.

Before he shut the door, though, I caught a glimpse of his face. A scar sliced his left eyebrow, giving him a very sinister aspect indeed.

As I returned to the bed, this time eager to alert my human of the dastardly deeds in progress, she opened her eyes and, after I’d told her my tale, smiled and said, “Go back to sleep, Max. You’re just having a nightmare, that’s all.”

“But he was right here!” I cried.

“That’s great,” she mumbled, and tumbled into a deep sleep, setting an example for me to follow.

Unfortunately I wasn’t convinced it had been a nightmare. In fact I was pretty sure it had been a real person. But I was so tired that soon sleep came, regardless of my vigilance, and when Scarface returned, it was in my dreams, just as Odelia had said. Only in my dream he wasn’t holding up a smartphone but a deadcat. And as he opened his mouth, showcasing two neat rows of razor-sharp teeth, he growled, “I could eat a horse!” But instead of a horse, he ate the cat instead!

I returned to wakefulness with a yelp, only to be greeted by the sight of Chase prancing around the room in his boxers and announcing,“I could eat a horse!” to anyone who would listen.

“What’s wrong, Max?” asked Dooley. “You look like you’ve seen a ghost.”

After I’d told him my tale of woe and sorrow—or rather our nocturnal visitor—he stared at me, wide-eyed and fearful.

“A catnapper!” he cried. “He was here to catnap and eat us, Max!”

“I’m pretty sure he didn’t have any intention of eating us,” I assured my friend.

“But then what was he doing here?”

“I have no idea.” I glanced at my human, who was sitting up and yawning, looking pretty bedraggled. Even under normal circumstances Odelia isn’t a morning person, but now she looked as if she’d gone through several spin cycles in a washing machine. So I decided to wait to tell her what had happened until she’d had her breakfast.

Still, it was a portentous way to start our trip. Nocturnal visitors filming us while we were sleeping? Not good!

Chapter 12

Breakfast was also an opportunity to meet some of the members of the production team. Kimmy was there, of course, but also her boss, Clint Bunda, a barrel-chested man with a head shaped like a bullet and gleaming like one, too. Either he’d had a close shave, or he was naturally hairless. Odelia was greeted with a cordial handshake, and so was Chase.

“I’m so glad Kimmy found you,” said Clint as he put his feet under the table. “I don’t know what I would have done without you. The couple who were supposed to come turned out to be marriedand pregnant! Which of course is strictly against the rules.”

“Well, we’re neither married nor pregnant,” said Chase, earning himself a laugh from the producer.

“Have the other couples arrived already?” asked Odelia.

“Yeah, I think they’ll be here soon,” he said, twisting his head to scan the dining room. “That couple over there is part of the lineup,” he said as he gestured to a young couple seated at one of the tables.

“They’re very young,” said Odelia.

“Yeah, most participants are,” said Clint. “Not everyone wants to jeopardize their relationship this way. The younger the more adventurous, and also the less invested in their relationship, of course. How long have you guys been together?”

“Three years,” said Odelia.

“Long time,” said the producer, nodding as he sedulously buttered his bagel. “And still willing to risk it all, huh?”

“Yeah, we’re planning to get married soon,” Chase explained, repeating the story they’d rehearsed. “And we figured the prize money would come in handy.”

Clint chuckled.“Getting married can cost an arm and a leg. I would know. My daughter got married last year, and it pretty much ruined me. I told her if she ever gets divorced, she’s going to pay me back—with interest!”

“Ha ha,” said Chase obligingly.

“Ha ha,” said Odelia pleasantly.

The only one who wasn’t laughing was Kimmy. She probably was used to her boss’s peculiar sense of humor.

The dining room was filling up quickly, and Odelia eyed the breakfast buffet eagerly.

“Don’t worry,” said Kimmy, leaning in as she caught Odelia’s look. “There’s plenty.”

She laughed.“How did you know what I was thinking?”

“Because I thought the same thing when I first came out here. This hotel is one of the best in the city.”

“We went out last night and I have to say the nightlife is impressive,” she said.

“I know. Did you go to Khao San Road?”

“We did! I don’t think I’ve ever seen so many people having such a good time.”

She and Chase had both been pretty tired, but had still walked around for an hour or so before returning to their hotel. The flashy lights, music and people everywhere had been intoxicating, and it was obvious Bangkok was a city that never slept—unlike them.

“The weirdest thing happened last night,” said Odelia the moment Clint had gotten up to chat with the other couple. “I woke up in the middle of the night and I could have sworn there was someone in the room with us, filming us with his smartphone. When I called out, he quickly disappeared.”

Kimmy frowned thoughtfully.“Are you sure?”

“Pretty sure.” She wasn’t, of course, still convinced it had simply been Max having a nightmare. When he’d repeated his story that morning, and added he’d had a real nightmare later on, this time featuring a cat-eating villainous figure, she’d been even more inclined to favor the nightmare story. Then again, Max was no fool. If he said he’d seen someone, it was better to check.

“Do you think there’s a way to see who it was?” she asked. “Security cameras in the corridor, maybe, or even the room?”

“I’ll ask hotel security,” said Kimmy, nodding. “I don’t think there’s cameras in the rooms, for reasons of privacy, but the hallways and corridors are probably watched.”

She got up, and so did Odelia. She’d been eyeing those little muffins and other pastries for a long time, and finally couldn’t resist the urge. And as she walked over, a young couple entered the dining room and glanced around. He was sporting an intricately cut hairstyle, with what looked like a name razored on the side of his head. It spelled ‘Hot Dude.’ He also was wearing shades and a tank top that showcased his chiseled physique. She was blond, extremely tan, and had a nose ring. In her daisy dukes and crop top she looked like the perfect candidate for Passion Island.

Odelia smiled in their direction, and opened her mouth to introduce herself, when they both pointedly ignored her and walked the other way.

Odelia retracted her proffered hand and shrugged. She wasn’t here to make friends, but it would have been nice to find some, considering she and Chase were going to be separated soon, and not even allowed a cell phone.

As she piled her plate with those tiny pastries, the female half of the couple Clint had pointed out to them followed her example.

“Are you also here for Passion Island?” asked the woman, sounding nervous.

She was a brunette, with her hair in a ponytail, and looked pretty but a little plain, at least in comparison to the other couple.

“Yes, I am,” said Odelia.

“Oh, great,” said the woman, and held out her hand. “I’m Tina, and that guy over there eating his body weight in sausages is Nick.”

Odelia,” said Odelia, and gestured to her table. “And that’s Chase.”

“He looks fit,” said Tina, and immediately looked mortified. “Oh, heck, I said that out loud, didn’t I? I mean, he looks nice.”

“And fit,” said Odelia with a smile. “He’s not a seducer, though, so you won’t be seeing him, I’m afraid.”

“Oh, no, I didn’t mean it like that!” said the woman, her cheeks coloring. “I’m sorry. I don’t know why I said that. I guess I’m not used to this kind of thing. Seducers and seductresses and all of that stuff. This wasn’t my idea, you know. It was all Nick. He pretty much had to drag me here kicking and screaming;” She rolled her eyes. “Men.”

“So why did you agree?”

“Well, Nick said this would be the ultimate relationship test for us. We’re getting married in the fall, see.” She showed a neat little engagement ring, proudly holding it out for Odelia’s inspection. “And Nick thought it would be a good idea to make sure there were no doubts. I’m a pretty jealous kind of gal, and I’ve been giving Nick hell, I’m afraid. He’s got a pretty extensive circle of friends, a lot of them women. And so I get insecure. And he just figured we’d settle this once and for all, and he’d prove to me that he loves me and he’s not going to cheat on me. And 50.000 prize money sounds pretty sweet.”

“Yeah, that’s the main reason we’re doing this,” Odelia confided, reiterating her rehearsed storyline. “We’re getting married in September, and that money would be a nice down payment for a house.”

“Oh, you lucky girl!” Tina cried, then held her hand to her mouth again. “I keep blurting out the most inappropriate things, don’t I?”

“It’s all right,” said Odelia, laughing.

They both watched as Nick was approached by the female half of the other couple, and immediately his face lit up and he started making animated conversation.

Next to Odelia, Tina sighed.“See what I mean? He can’t see a woman or he has to chat her up.”

Odelia nodded, and felt for Tina. She had the impression she wouldn’t go home with the big prize. But instead, she said, “I’m sure he’s just being friendly.”

But from the way Nick’s eyes kept dropping down the woman’s crop top and checking out her enhanced chest, friendly probably wasn’t the right word.

Chapter 13

Odelia had arranged for Dooley and me to be treated to a breakfast as hearty as the one she and Chase were getting. Which meant… room service! Now if there’s one thing I love about traveling it’s this very concept of room service. Of course you could say that us cats enjoy room service all of our lives, but the service at a hotel is still a little different from the one at home. I don’t know if it’s the food, or being far from home, but overall it’s a pleasant experience. Especially if the room service person is as friendly as the one who’d delivered our breakfast—a sweet lady with extremely kind demeanor.

So we thanked our benefactor, even though she probably couldn’t understand a meow we said, and dug into our juicy fillets and sauce-covered nuggets with relish.

And it was as we devoured the treats that the door opened again and a man strode in.

“More room service!” Dooley cried happily. “Oh, Max, my bones are going to become as big as yours if this keeps up!”

I gave him a look of extreme censure, which went straight over his head, as he was too busy eagerly anticipating this new person’s gifts, and so I turned my attention in the same direction.

And got the shock of a lifetime.

The man who’d just entered… was the same man from last night.

“It’s the guy!” I cried.

“I know!” said Dooley. “I hope he’s brought p?t?. I love p?t?.”

“No, I mean it’s the same guy from last night. The intruder!”

Dooley’s jaw dropped. “What does he want!” he cried.

It soon became clear what the man wanted: to snoop.

He went straight for Odelia’s laptop, which she’d left on the table, and opened it. His hands were gloved, and his fingers were soon deftly probing the keyboard. Judging from the look of frustration on his face, though, Odelia’s password gave him pause.

So instead, he started searching around, until he found her iPad.

“We have to do something,” I said. “He’s going to steal Odelia’s tablet!”

“But what can we do!” said Dooley. “He’s a lot bigger and a lot stronger than us!”

“He doesn’t know we’re here,” I said. “Maybe we can scare him away.”

Dooley blinked. It was obvious he wasn’t fully on board with my plan. Heck, I wasn’t fully on board with my plan, and it was my own plan! This man had featured in my nightmare, stringing up a cat and threatening to eat it, so I wasn’t exactly eager to make his acquaintance. But we couldn’t stand idly by and watch him burgle theroom, either.

So with a loud meow, I burst onto the scene.

The man looked up, startled at the sight and sound of yours truly. What he didn’t do, though, even though I’d hoped he would, was turn tail and run to the nearest exit.

Instead, he growled,“Get lost, you filthy animal.”

Now if there’s one thing I don’t like it’s to be called a filthy animal. Like most cats I take pride in my sense of personal hygiene. I primp, I prink, and sometimes I even preen.

“I’m not a filthy animal,” I told the man. “You’re the filthy animal. Coming in here and stealing Odelia’s tablet.”

But he wasn’t to be deterred. I guess that’s where dogs have it easier. If they’re big enough, and loud enough, they can scare any burglarious individual away simply by stepping onto the scene. Whereas cats have that cuddly, endearing image going for them. Not exactly the way to go when faced with an element of the criminal classes.

It was at this moment that Dooley finally overcame his natural tendency towards timidity, and leaped onto the scene with a loud hiss, his tail distended and his back arched.

“Yikes!” the intruder yelped at the sight of my friend. But instead of beating a retreat, as any sane man would have done, he still found the time to check Odelia’s tablet.

“It’s not working, Max,” said Dooley. “He doesn’t seem to be impressed.”

“I think we have to attack, Dooley,” I said.

“Attack?”

“Yeah, claws out and attack!” I instructed, leading by example.

I don’t know if you’ve ever been attacked by a cat? I can assure you it’s not a pleasant experience. We may be cuddly and cute, renowned for our lovable persona and sweet-natured companionship, but when the gloves are off, we can do some real damage.

It’s all in the claws, you see. They’re pretty sharp, and when applied with precision and intent, can dig deep in places you wouldn’t expect.

Like someone’s thigh.

So as Dooley attacked the man’s right thigh, and I dug my claws into the left, the man screamed both in surprise and agony, as he desperately tried to dislodge us from his person.

I wasn’t to be deterred, though, and neither was Dooley. My friend may be the sweetest cat on the planet, but once he’s going well, it’s hard to make him stop.

And it was as I clawed my way up from the man’s thigh to his nether regions, pretty much treating the intruder like I would a tree or scratching post, that he threw in the towel, and with a blood-curdling scream—his blood, not mine—made for the door, hindered somewhat by two cats dangling from the lower strata of his corpus.

As he reached the door, he made a swiping motion with his hands, and sent both myself and Dooley flying, but not before a ripping sound indicated we’d done our bit, turning his nice jeans into mere strips of torn fabric flapping around the man’s legs.

As is our wont, we landed on our feet, and watched with a measure of satisfaction as the man slammed the door, after hurling a certain measure of abuse in our direction.