7c6cdd7d45cb035b54aafd3ac9eb9cc8

“You want me to promise not to talk to the police?”

“Yes, very much so. It’s just that… I don’t know what to do with this information. I feel I should probably share it with someone, but since I’d prefer not to go to the police…” She gave Odelia a helpless look.

“That’s all right. If you tell me, I’ll make sure to tell them. And I’ll keep your name out of it if you like.”

Jacqueline looked distinctly relieved.“Oh, thank you, Miss Poole. Thank you so much.”

“You’re welcome. Now what did you want to tell me?”

“Well, a couple of days ago we had a meeting of the Gnomeos. One of our monthly meetings. We mainly discussed the upcoming retrospective, of course, and the contents of our next club magazine, but then Dan said something that caught my attention. He told me that very soon he’d be in a situationwhere he’d be able to best the Maria Power Society once and for all. He said he was about to come into the possession of an item that would blow Jack Warner and his Society out of the water, and make people leave his club in droves and join the Gnomeos.

“When I asked him what this object was, he merely gave me a meaningful look and whispered that it had something to do with the name of our club.”

“The Gnomeos.”

Jacqueline nodded.“And then the day before yesterday I saw him on the street as I was walking past his office and he told me the meeting had been arranged for the next morning, and it wouldn’t be long now before he had the object in his possession. He seemed very excited about the prospect. ‘Come what may,’ he told me, ‘I’m making history tomorrow.’”

“He said that?”

“Yes, those exact words. And then of course when I heard about the death of that young woman, I couldn’t help but remember his words, and wonder if something had happened that had made him lose his temper with her.”

“You think he killed her.”

Jacqueline shrugged.“I don’t know Dan as a violent man, but he’s always been extremely passionate about Maria Power and anything to do with the Gnomeos.”

“That’s what my uncle thinks,” Odelia confided. “Heather Gallop used to work for Rupert Finkelstein’s daughter, who died a couple of months ago. He thinks it’s conceivable that Heather got hold of a copy of the Gnomeo movie and offered to sell it to Dan. But they argued over the price, and so Dan murdered her and stole the movie.”

Jacqueline’s eyes had gone wide. “You really think this Heather Gallop had a copy of Gnomeo in her possession?”

“I have no idea. It’s just a theory at this point, and Dan denies everything. He says he never even met the woman.”

“But he does admit that she promised to sell him the movie?”

“No. He claims that when Heather made the appointment she didn’t mention a movie. She only mentioned the word Gnomeo. But it was enough to pique Dan’s interest.”

“It must have been the movie,” said Jacqueline. “It simply must have been.”

“Yes, it certainly looks that way.”

Odelia stared at the statue for a moment, wondering how a movie made several decades ago could possibly cause so much trouble now.

“Look, please don’t tell Dan I told you,” said Jacqueline. “I like him very much. He’s a decent man, and I admire his passion for the Gnomeos.”

“I won’t tell him,” Odelia promised.

“We’re actually thinking about organizing a meeting of both fan clubs,” said Jacqueline. “We think it’s time to bury the hatchet. Now that Jack is gone, and Dan is in prison, the members feel we should all come together, and end this silly feud.”

“Yes, it seems silly to have two clubs dedicated to the same thing,” Odelia agreed.

“Thanks for listening,” said Jacqueline with a smile. She placed her hand on Odelia’s arm. “I really needed that.”

“No problem,” said Odelia, though she wasn’t happy that Jacqueline had given her one more reason to doubt Dan’s innocence. But the facts were what they were. Even her loyalty to her boss wasn’t going to change that.

They both got up, and Jacqueline said,“Do you want to come? To the joint meeting, I mean? Club meetings are always a lot of fun, and this one is going to be one for the books. The very first meeting of the two clubs, united after all these years.”

“Yeah, sure,” said Odelia. “I would like that.”

Jacqueline smiled.“Thanks so much, Odelia.”

Odelia watched her walk away. At least something good was going to come out of all of this. From now on Hampton Cove would have one Maria Power fan club instead of two. And no more fighting.

And as she set foot for the office, she wondered if it was possible that Dan was innocent of the first murder—that UPS guy looked like a strong suspect indeed—and guilty of Jack Warner’s murder?

At any rate, her boss was in big trouble. And so was the newspaper he’d founded.

Chapter 29

We finally arrived home, and as Dooley took Elsa into the house, to get acquainted with things, I lingered outside for a moment. It was the sound of solid objects hitting other solid objects that had attracted my attention, and so I decided to go in search of the source of the sound, as it seemed to be coming from Marge and Tex’s garden.

Cats may not have a reputation as guardians of their humans’ property, but I beg to differ. I like to keep an eye on things as much as I can, and so it was with a sneaking suspicion that nefarious activities were underway that I stealthily snuck into the next garden and glanced around, keeping low and as much out of sight as a big-boned blorange cat can.

I saw nothing out of the ordinary, though, but then I heard it again: a loud clacking sound, as if someone was hitting a brick against a second brick.

So I snuck in the direction of Ted and Marcie’s backyard, and took a peek through the hole in the fence that has served us so well in the past. And that’s when I saw it: someone was chucking garden gnomes over the back fence into the Trappers’ garden, all of them falling on top of a growing pile of gnomes!

“What the…” I muttered as I sat stunned, looking at this strange phenomenon.

I couldn’t see who the culprit was, as he or she was hidden on the other side of the green plastic screen Ted has erected to lend himself and his family a measure of privacy. On the other side is the same field that stretches along all of our backyards, and which is easily accessed by anyone who knows how to climb a fence, which the owner of the field once erected to keep his sheep, who he likes to put to graze there, from running off.

Tack! One more gnome hit the pile, and in the process lost part of his pointy hat.

I don’t like gnomes as a rule, but I felt distinctly sorry for the droll little tykes now. This was no way to treat these oddly shaped and extravagantly colored creatures.

Suddenly, from the house, a cry rang out.“Oi!” It was Ted, who must have observed the same phenomenon and now came hurrying out of the house.

Immediately there was a rustle on the other side of the fence, and a loud giggle, and the supply of gnomes tumbling to earth instantly dried up.

“What do you think you’re doing!” Ted yelled, shaking his fist.

But before he had reached the back of the garden and could peek over the fence, Tex’s loud voice behind me yelled, “Gotcha!”

“Tex!” Ted said, taken aback. “Look what they did. They’re throwing gnomes now!”

“Horse manure, Ted. Admit it, man. You’ve been out stealing again.”

“What?!”

“You are an inveterate thief, Ted! I recognize that big fat one over there. I’ll eat my shirt if it doesn’t belong to Kinnard Daym. Pride of his collection.”

“But I—”

“You stole it—finally admit it, you thief!”

“I didn’t steal a thing, Tex. You have to believe me!”

“Oh, so now you’re saying it’s raining gnomes, is it? They’re simply falling from the sky like so much manna from heaven?”

“Over the fence,” said Ted, looking and sounding highly discombobulated. “They came flying… over the fence.”

“A likely story. I’m reporting you to the police, Ted. That’s right. I wanted to cut you some slack. Hoping you’d break the habit. But obviously that’s not happening. So this time you’re going down, my friend.” He put his phone to his ear. “Hello, Dolores, Yes, I’d like to report a gnome thief. Yes, a thief of gnomes.” He listened for a moment, his brow creased. “No, that’s not the new Kevin Costner movie. It’s my next-door-neighbor Ted.”

“But, Tex!”

But Tex held up his hand in a silencing gesture.“No, this is not a joke, Dolores. Ted Trapper is a gnome thief. He stole my gnomes and he stole Kinnard Daym’s gnomes, too. No, I’m not trying to be funny, Dolores.”

“Tex, please,” said Ted piteously.

“What’s going on here?” asked Marcie, now also joining the piquant scene.

I could have told them that Ted was innocent, but no one was going to give me the time of day, or understand what I was saying. Only Gran could, or Marge or Odelia, and of those three there was no trace.

“Tex is calling the police!” Ted cried, bringing his hands to his head and helplessly pulling at his hair.

“Where did those gnomes come from?” asked Marcie, suddenly spotting the abundance of gnomes.

“Someone chucked them over the fence. Just now. I would have caught them but I got distracted by Tex.”

“Yes, Dolores, I know today is not April Fools.”

“You didn’t put those gnomes there?” asked Marcie, planting her hands on her hips and giving her husband a look that could kill—or at least maim.

“No! I’m telling you, someone threw them there.”

“Who?”

“I don’t know. They were on the other side of the fence.”

Marcie now stalked over to where her husband was pointing and looked.“No one there,” she announced.

“Of course not! They ran away.”

“Mh,” said Marcie.

“You don’t believe me, do you?”

“Mh,” Marcie repeated, looking highly skeptical.

“Gnomes, Dolores. Not hobbits, gnomes.”

In the meantime Marge had come walking out of the house, drawn by all the noise.“What’s going on?” she asked.

Happy that finally a sane person had entered the fray, I said,“Someone was chucking gnomes over the fence into the Trappers’ backyard, and now Tex thinks Ted is a thief and he’s calling the police.”

Marge stared from me to the gnomes and then to her husband. Taking decisive action, she simply grabbed her husband’s phone away and tapped Disconnect.

“Hey! “said Tex. “I think I was finally getting through to Dolores!”

“Ted didn’t steal those gnomes,” she said. “So stop making a fool of yourself, Tex.”

“Thank you, Marge!” said Ted, over the moon by this unexpected vote of confidence.

“How do you know Ted didn’t steal them?” asked Marcie with a frown.

“Because… I saw the thieves,” said Marge. “From… the kitchen window.”

Marcie directed a curious look in the direction of said kitchen windows, then to the fence.“Impossible,” she determined. “Unless you’re superwoman and you have X-ray vision.”

“Oh, all right. I happened to be hanging up my laundry just now, and I heard a strange noise so I glanced over and saw them at it. I should have said something, but I don’t like to stick my nose in other people’s business.”

“See!” said Ted triumphantly “What did I tell you?”

“So you saw them and you said nothing?” asked Marcie, still continuing suspicious.

“I’m telling you now, aren’t I?”

“You saw the thieves and you didn’t tell me?” asked Tex, sounding disappointed. Whether he was disappointed because Ted wasn’t a thief, or because his wife hadn’t confided in him was hard to tell at this point.

“Look, you’re all wasting time,” said Marge, gesturing to the pile of gnomes. “You should be going after those thieves instead of standing around here arguing.”

“She’s right,” said Ted. And to show his neighbor that he wasn’t one for holding a grudge, he added, “Let’s go get them, Tex.”

And before our very eyes, the mild-mannered accountant jumped the fence!

Or at least he would have, if he was a lissome deer and not a pudgy accountant. As it was, he got stuck halfway and was dangling, the fence painfully poking his midsection.

“Marcie?” he said in a strangled voice. “Please help.”

Chapter 30

It was clear to me that things were hotting up in Hampton Cove. Odelia had given us an update on where she stood with the investigation, and there had been a couple of startling developments, one of which was Jacqueline Goossens coming forward and revealing that Dan had told her he was soon coming into the possession of an object that would blow Jack Warner and his Society out of the water once and for all.

It pretty much sealed the deal, as far as I was concerned: as everyone knows, collectors are often unhinged, and will go to any means to lay their sweaty little paws on the object that will complete their collection. And Dan was just such a collector when it came to all things Maria Power.

And then of course there was the mysterious affair of the gnome thieves, who’d almost been caught by Ted Trapper, if only the latter had been a little lighter on his feet, and a little slimmer around the tummy.

But the most important development, as far as I was concerned, was of course the arrival of our very own secret weapon in the form of Elsa.

So it was with a sense of breathless anticipation that I explained to Harriet and Brutus that a solution to the mouse problem might finally be at paw, and as we all gazed with awe at the tiny mouse, who’d hitherto belonged to Maria Power, I don’t think there had ever been, in the whole history of felinity, four cats filled with more abject admiration for a single mouse than we were right now.

“Do you want some more cheese?” asked Harriet with a reverence I’d never thought her capable.

“Are you quite comfortable on that cushion?” asked Brutus. “Do you want me to fluff it up for you?”

“No, I’m fine,” said Elsa, nibbling her piece of cheese daintily, while stretched out on my favorite pillow, which I’d gratefully offered her.

“Do you want to watch some television?” asked Dooley. “An episode of Tom and Jerry, maybe?” He turned to me, and explained, “Just to get her in the right frame of mind.”

I nodded seriously.“Good thinking, Dooley. Mindset is everything.”

“I’m fine, you guys,” said Elsa with a laugh. “Stop fussing.”

I’d more or less hoped that she would simply sweep into the place, talk to the mice like a Dutch uncle—or, as in this case, a murine aunt—and we could wrap the whole thing up before sunset. But Elsa was obviously one of those mice who liked to do things properly. With forethought and careful planning.

And she was right, of course. No general goes into battle without a good meal and a good night’s rest, and Elsa was no different.

“If you want I can give you a foot massage,” Harriet offered now.

“Or a back rub?” Brutus suggested.

“I’m fine!” Elsa said, and munched down the final remaining piece of cheese with visible relish. She wiped her mouth and looked around. “Nice place you got here. I really like what you’ve done with it.”

“Yeah, Odelia has great taste,” I said. “She’s the decorator in our family. Chase hasn’t really made his mark yet since he moved in.” Except for the gym equipment he’d lugged upstairs, of course, but that was more of an eyesore than an improvement, to be honest.

“So… do you have a strategy in mind?” asked Harriet.

“Nah, I think I’ll just wing it,” said Elsa, licking her paws.

“What do you want us to do?” asked Brutus. “Or do you prefer to go in alone?”

“Actually I do think I’ll go it alone. If you don’t mind, that is.”

“Oh, no, by all means,” I said, happy that I wasn’t going to have to face that hostile pack of mice again.

“One very important thing, though,” said Elsa, stifling a yawn.

“Anything,” I said eagerly.

“I’m going to need your written authorization to deal with the matter of the mice.” When we merely stared at her, she added, more slowly, “Power of attorney? I am going in there as your official representative after all, so this needs to be official all the way.”

“Oh-kay,” I said. I didn’t want to point out to Elsa that cats can’t write, and that it would be a little hard for us to draw up a letter of attorney just like that, but I was frankly prey to that strange awkwardness that comes upon a person—or cat—when they feel indebted to another person—or mouse. “Um…”

“Though in your case,” Elsa went on with a little frown, “it would probably be best if Odelia signed the papers, absolving me of all responsibility if something goes wrong. She is, after all, the homeowner, and you’re merely guests in this house, am I right?”

“Um, I guess so,” I said. I’d never looked at it that way before, but Elsa made a valid point. Cats, as a rule, can’t actually own a property, since they don’t exactly earn a living, and banks are therefore often reluctant to set them up with a mortgage.

“So you want us to ask Odelia to sign a paper absolving you of all responsibility?” asked Harriet, in an attempt to make things clear.

“Yeah, I think that would be for the best,” said Elsa, settling back with a contented sigh. “Now if you could give me some of that cream cheese I saw in the fridge, that would be just swell.”

While Dooley went in search of the cream cheese, I asked the question I was sure was on everyone’s lips: “Do you think something could possibly go wrong?”

“I’m pretty sure it won’t,” said Elsa. “But you never know. And my mama always said better to be safe than sorry. So it’s best if we do this by the book, don’t you agree, Max?”

“Oh, yeah, of course,” I said quickly. “Yeah, I’m all for doing things by the book.” It did strike me that if we needed Odelia to sign a power of attorney it would push back the event we’d all been looking forward to with so much anticipation: the great evacuation. Then again, Elsa was absolutely right. If you’re going to do something, better do it right.

So while Elsa enjoyed her cream cheese, I went in search of Odelia, whose signature had suddenly become very important indeed.

Chapter 31

Vesta was scribbling something in her little notebook.“So what did they look like, these thieves?” she asked, directing a penetrating glance at Ted Trapper, who was rubbing his tummy for some reason.

“Like I already told you, I never saw them. I only heard them.”

“Mh,” said Vesta censoriously. She liked her witnesses more helpful than this, but then beggars can’t be choosers and Ted, even though he was a lousy witness, was also one of her only witnesses. “So what did they sound like?” she asked.

“They giggled,” he said, directing a pained look at his wife Marcie, who stood, arms crossed in front of her chest, and staring down at the pile of gnomes with a distinctly unhappy look on her face. No fastidious homeowner likes to see piles of gnomes suddenly turn up where they’re not invited, and Marcie clearly wondered if she’d have to put them in regular trash or put them out with the recyclables. Or even hazardous waste.

“Giggled?” asked Scarlett, who was also scribbling in a little notebook. She giggled. “Did you just say ‘giggled?’”

“Yeah, they giggled.”

Vesta pounced on this.“They? So there was more than one giggler?”

“I think so,” said Ted.

“So you’re not sure?” asked Vesta, who was getting fed up with this unreliable witness.

“No, I guess I’m not. But I had the impression there was more than one?”

“How many more?” asked Scarlett. “Two, three, a dozen?”

Ted grimaced and shook his head. He helplessly glanced over to Tex and Marge, who’d also joined them in the garden, but who were not much help either.

“I’m pretty sure there was more than one, too,” said Tex.

“Two?” asked Scarlett. “There were two?”

“No, I said I’m pretty sure there was more than one, too.”

Scarlett looked confused.“So is it one or is it two? Be clear, Tex.”

“Oh, what does it matter?” Marge said, throwing up her hands. “We should call the police.”

“No,” said Ted quickly. “No police.”

He’d already expressed his desire to deal with this between neighbors, seeing as he didn’t want it to be widely known that his backyard had become a landfill for gnomes.

“My brother is very discreet,” Marge said. “If you tell him you want this handled on the down-low, he’ll handle it on the down-low.”

“Down. Low,” Scarlett muttered as she wrote this down in her neat handwriting.

“Look, I know how these big organizations work, all right,” said Ted. “I used to work for PriceWaterhouseCoopers. It’s simply impossible to keep anything on the down-low.”

Marge’s face took on a dark look. She didn’t like it when people cast aspersions on her brother, of whom she was exceedingly fond.

“Look, how hard can it be to catch two gnome thieves?” asked Ted, exasperated. “They must have left a trace. How about footprints? Fingerprints?”

“Don’t let’s get ahead of ourselves here,” said Vesta. “First we take the witness statements, then we search for clues. There is a method to this madness, Ted.”

She’d downloaded a copy of Sleuthing for Dummies, and even though she’d only read the introduction, she had a feeling she was already getting a good grip on the material. Besides, she was a natural. And she’d helped her granddaughter on so many cases she had experience up the wazoo.

“Why don’t we ask Odelia?” Tex suggested.

“No!” Ted cried. “She’s a reporter,” he explained. “She’ll turn this into a big story.”

“She will not turn this into a big story if we ask her not to,” said Marge, gritting her teeth a little.

Vesta had the feeling that if Ted continued down this road he’d soon make a mortal enemy out of Marge.

“These gnomes,” she said, pointing to the biggest and fattest of the bunch. “You’re telling me they belong to Kinnard Daym?”

“Yeah, that’s right,” said Tex. “Kinnard’s been bragging about his gnomes for months. In our weekly meetings he can’t stop talking about how he snagged them at an online auction dedicated to gnomes for more money than any of us can afford.”

“We staked out Kinnard’s house last night,” Scarlett said. “And we almost caught the thieves.”

“Must be other collectors,” said Tex. “Gotta be.”

“Yeah, collectors can get very jealous,” Ted agreed. “They must have seen Kinnard’s gnomes on his Facebook or even his Instagram, and listened to his bragging, and decided to teach him a lesson.” His face sagged. “But why they would dump the pride of Kinnard’s collection in my backyard is frankly beyond me.”

“Isn’t it obvious?” said Marcie. “They wanted to blame you for the theft. They knew that some people would believe you were guilty.” She cut a vicious glance in Tex’s direction, and the latter, much to his credit, affected to look appropriately contrite.

“I’m sorry,” said Tex. “I shouldn’t have jumped to conclusions like that, Ted.”

“And called him names,” Marcie added.

“And called you names,” Tex agreed shamefacedly.

“Okay, I think that concludes this part of the investigation,” said Vesta, tucking her notebook in the pocket of her tracksuit. “Come on, Scarlett. Let’s go find ourselves some clues.”

“Ooh, clues!” Scarlett, said, tripping after Vesta. “I love clues.”

Vesta studied the fence. She was so short her head didn’t even reach the top. “So how are we going to do this?” she murmured.

“Oh, I know,” said Scarlett. “We simply go around the block and come in from the other side.”

“Barbed wire,” Vesta said curtly.

“I don’t like barbed wire,” said Scarlett.

“Me neither.”

“Here, will this help?” asked Marcie, and pointed to a ladder leaning against a tree.

“Perfect,” said Vesta.

“Excellent,” determined Scarlett.

Things thusly arranged, Vesta soon found herself peering over the fence at the plot of land belonging to Jackson Browne. It was a wild tangle of weeds and nettles and brambles, but a spot right next to the fence had clearly been trampled on. A couple of gnomes were in evidence, the ones the thieves hadn’t had time to chuck over the fence.

“Mh…” she said thoughtfully.

“Do you see anything?” asked Scarlett.

“More gnomes,” she said. “And a can.”

“A can of what?”

“Dunno. Gimme a boost, will you?”

Scarlett gave her a boost, and Vesta tumbled to the ground in a jumble of limbs.

“Ugh,” she said, picking a piece of straw from her neat white curls. She then approached the can and took a good, close look. It was a can of red spray paint.

Scarlett, whose head now cleared the fence, asked,“So what is it?”

“Spray paint,” Vesta announced.

“You can’t touch it. Because of fingerprints.”

“I know I can’t touch it,” she said acerbically. “This ain’t my first rodeo.”

“How do you know it belongs to the thieves?”

“I don’t, but since only sheep come here, it stands to reason that it does.”

“Yeah, I guess sheep don’t need spray paint,” Scarlett agreed. “Well, bag it and hand it over to your son, I suppose? So he can lift the prints?”

“Yeah, I guess,” said Vesta. She was reluctant to involve Alec. She really wanted to prove her mettle with this, the neighborhood watch’s very first investigation. If every time she was stumped she’d go running to the cops, what was the point?

Scarlett threw down a plastic bag that Marcie must have handed her, and Vesta bagged the can and glanced around for more clues. When she didn’t find any, she scaled the wall again, with Scarlett’s help, and finally made it back to Marcie and Ted’s backyard in one piece.

“So what now?” asked Scarlett.

“I’ll think of something,” said Vesta.

Scarlett smiled.“Yeah, I believe you will.”

Chapter 32

It had been a long day for Chase, and when he finally arrived home, all the could think about was to drop down on the couch with a can of Coke Zero and take a load off.

Dan Goory still cooling his heels in prison wasn’t the kind of situation he enjoyed. He liked Dan. As a person and as a highly capable editor. And for Odelia’s boss to be accused of a double homicide was less than ideal.

He’d talked to Heather’s folks again, but they’d admitted to having no idea why she would suddenly head on down to Hampton Cove. She’d certainly not clued them into her plans. All she’d said was that she was soon coming into a great deal of money, and she might even be able to buy herself ahouse and her parents a new car.

It all pointed to the same story Jacqueline Goossens had told Odelia: that Heather had somehow found herself in the possession of this fabled Romeo and Juliet movie, and wanted to sell it for a big chunk of change. But if she thought Dan was going to be able to pay her what she felt Gnomeo was worth, she would have been in for an unpleasant surprise.

Dan was not a rich man, and would never have been able to pay through the nose for the movie.

Which only served to tighten the noose around the editor’s neck: an avid collector of all things Maria Power, he might have seen an opportunity to add the movie to his collection without paying a single cent: by killing the seller.

The story of Dan getting a call about his car being vandalized was a thin one, in Chase’s estimation: he could very well have broken off his own windshield wipers and simply have stepped out of the office to bring the car around so he could dispose of Heather’s body before Odelia arrived.

His plans had been thwarted by Odelia’s early arrival, and the whole thing had gone south for the newspaper owner.

Only question was: where had he hidden the movie? They’d searched his office and his house, and so far it hadn’t turned up.

Dan, of course, was steadfast in his denial. Heather had never said anything about a movie. In fact he’d never actually met her face to face. And as far as the murder of Jack Warner was concerned, he may have harbored a powerful antipathy toward the man, but he would never stoop to murder. He’d even denied these new charges Jacqueline Goossens had leveled against him. Said he’d never said anything to anyone about coming into the possession of an object that would spell the end of Jack Warner’s fan club.

Chase took a sip from his Coke when his attention was arrested by a strange sight: next to him on the couch a mouse was napping, a smile on the tiny creature’s face, its paws clasped together in nappy heaven, and lying in the center of Max’s favorite pillow.

Chase gulped, gently put down the can of Coke, and rubbed his eyes.

But when he opened them again the mouse was still there, its whiskers vibrating gently, and producing what could only be described as soft snoring sounds!

Odelia came walking down the stairs.“I’ve got the power of attorney right here,” she announced, then caught sight of her boyfriend and smiled. “Hey, you,” she said, leaning in for a kiss and a hug.

He gave her a perfunctory kiss and an equally perfunctory hug, his eyes still riveted on the mouse.

“Are you seeing what I’m seeing?” he asked.

“Oh, that’s Elsa,” said Odelia, as if it was the most natural thing in the world to have a mouse napping in the family room. “Max and Dooley met her over at Maria Power’s place. She’s promised to help us get rid of Hector and Helga.”

He swallowed.“Hector and Helga being…”

“The mice family in our basement,” said Odelia. She waved the piece of paper. “All Elsa needed was this power of attorney, absolving her of all responsibility in case something goes wrong with the eviction.”

Chase stared at his girlfriend.“What could possibly go wrong?” he asked, his voice a little hoarse. “When one mouse decides to evict another mouse?”

“Yeah, it’s a brave new world, isn’t it?” asked Odelia with a grin.

He nodded automatically, then shook his head.“Sometimes I feel as if I’ve landed on a different planet.”

“I’ll bet there’s plenty of other people that talk to their cats,” said Odelia as she took a seat next to Chase on the couch. “Only we haven’t met them yet.”

“Maybe you could start a Facebook group,” he suggested, only half in jest. “Or even a WhatsApp group.”

“Wouldn’t that be something?” said Odelia, directing a dreamy look at the ceiling. “If all the people who can talk to their cats got together, just imagine what we could do.”

“I’m not sure I want to imagine,” Chase murmured. The mouse stirred, and he scooted a little further away from the critter. “I think it’s waking up,” he said.

“Max!” Odelia bellowed. “Can you tell Elsa I’ve got the paperwork ready?!”

Max came trotting up, in through the pet flap, and looking decidedly antsy, Chase thought.

The big orange cat meowed something, and Odelia meowed right back. For a moment, they‘talked’ back and forth like that, until finally Max gently shook the mouse. The tiny creature woke up, yawned and stretched. Odelia handed it the piece of paper, she scanned it quickly and finally nodded. Actually nodded!

There was more meowing after that, but Chase felt he’d had all the animal interaction he could stand for one evening, so he got up from the couch and decided to pay a visit to his future father-in-law next door.

Tex was seated on his porch, staring into the distance with a strange look on his face. When Chase came walking up, he started.“Oh, hey, Chase,” he said.

“Hey, Dad,” said Chase, and Tex grimaced. Tex still wasn’t used to Chase calling him Dad. “So how are things with the gnomes?”

“Oh, don’t ask,” said Tex with a frown. “I made a damn fool of myself by accusing Ted of being a thief. Turns out there’s actual professional gnome thieves on the prowl. We almost caught them at it, but they managed to skedaddle.”

“Gnome thieves, huh? I didn’t even know that was a thing.”

“Yeah, looks like.”

Chase joined Tex on the porch swing and for a moment neither man spoke.

“So do you want me to look into this theft?” asked Chase finally. It would be a nice change from the double homicide he was investigating.

“No, that’s all right,” said Tex. “Ted doesn’t want to involve the police. So he’s asked Vesta instead.”

Chase scoffed a little.“Vesta? I didn’t know she was a detective.”

“Her and Scarlett both. They’re starting a neighborhood watch, and they’re very eager to make their mark.”

Chase groaned.“Oh, dear.”

“Say that again.” Tex smiled and clapped his son-in-law on the knee. “You can still back out, son. It’s not too late.”

“Not a chance in hell, Dad. I’m in this for the long haul.”

Tex gave him a sideways glance.“Yeah, I think you are. More power to you. It’s not easy negotiating the family ties in this particular family.”

“I think I can handle it. I just saw Odelia negotiate with a mouse, so I have a feeling I’m just about ready for anything.”

The doctor laughed.“A mouse?”

“Yeah, apparently Max has recruited a mouse to evict the other mice that have taken over our basement. But first Odelia had to sign a document absolving it of all responsibility in case anything goes wrong with the eviction.” He shook his head. “I swear sometimes I feel like Alice in Wonderland.”

“You’ll get used to it. In fact I think you’re handling yourself amazingly well. I remember when Marge told me about the cat thing. I thought she was pulling my leg, until I saw Vesta scolding a cat about something. It took me a long time to get over my initial shock.”

“Vesta is an acquired taste,” Chase agreed.

They both stared out across the backyard, where Tex’s gnomes were once again dotting the landscape and spreading their particular brand of apple-cheeked delight.

Suddenly, from behind a bush near the back of the yard, Vesta popped up, immediately followed by Scarlett. Moments later, they sank out of sight again.

Tex heaved a deep sigh.“Like I said, you can still back out now, son.”

Chase swallowed, then said,“Nope.”

Tex patted him on the shoulder.“Brave man.”

Chapter 33

I really wanted to be there when Elsa went toe to toe with Hector and Helga, but she’d insisted it was best if she dealt with them singlepawedly and without feline interference, so after setting out some more snacks so she could keep her strength up ahead of the epic battle of the mice, all cats left the house.

It probably was for the best, for it had become clear to me that things might just turn ugly, and I simply hate bloodshed of any kind. Perhaps a little strange for a pet detective but there you have it. I get squeamish at the sight of blood, and Elsa looked as if she was ready to get into a real tussle with her headstrong fellow mice.

As it happens Vesta and Scarlett had asked us to join them on a very important mission, so everything worked out fine. By the time we returned from the mission, the house would finally be mouse-free, apart from Elsa, and I was looking forward to that.

“What do you want us to do?” asked Harriet as we got into Gran’s car.

“We’re going to catch these gnome thieves once and for all,” said Gran. “And since you guys can outrun the rest of us, I want you to jump them when you get the chance, and make them think twice about making fools out of the gnome owners of this town.”

“You only have to ask,” said Harriet, as she sheathed and unsheathed her claws with relish. Even though she balks at going mano a mano with a family of mice, Harriet has no trouble drawing blood when it comes to the more burglarious element of society.

The four of us were all ensconced on the backseat of Gran’s red Peugeot, while she took the wheel, with Scarlett handling navigation duties. Even though the car was outfitted with GPS, Gran preferred to do things the old-fashioned way.

“So just to bring you guys up to speed,” said Gran, and Scarlett giggled. Gran frowned at her friend. “What?”

“I’m sorry,” said Scarlett. “I’m still not used to you talking to your cats like that. It sounds so funny!”

“Well, maybe I’ll teach you,” said Gran.

“Oh, would you?” asked Scarlett excitedly.

“I was kidding. Talking to cats is one of those things you have to be born with. And now are you going to let me finish or what?”

Scarlett rolled her eyes.“You don’t have to be nasty about it. I was just saying—”

“I know what you were saying, and I’m saying you can’t always get what you want. I can talk to cats and you can’t and you’re just going to have to live with that.”

Scarlett turned in her seat.“You know what? If you’re going to be like this, I don’t even want to go on a stakeout with you. Goodbye.” And with these words, she unbuckled her seatbelt and opened the car door to get out.

“Oh, don’t be like that, Scarlett,” said Gran. “I was just kidding.”

“I don’t think you were.”

“All right, I wasn’t. Now are you going to make a big deal out of it?”

Scarlett pursed her lips.“I might.”

“Well, don’t. We’re in this together, you and me. And we gotta see this through. So what do you say? Truce?”

Scarlett continued fuming for a moment, but then shrugged and said,“Truce,” and closed the door again. “You can be such a jerk sometimes, you know that, Vesta?”

“Yeah, I know. But so can you.”

Scarlett laughed an incredulous laugh.“Are you calling me a jerk?”

“You just called me a jerk!”

“That’s because you are one.”

“So are you!”

Scarlett narrowed her eyes, and I waited with bated breath about her next move. Her nails were pretty long and sharp, I saw, and if she used them on Gran she could do some real damage.

But then, much to my surprise, she actually threw her head back and roared with laughter! And even more to my surprise, so did Gran!

“What a pretty pair we are!” said Scarlett, wiping away a tear.

“Two jerks!” said Gran.

“Maybe that’s what we should call ourselves. The Two Jerks Neighborhood Watch.”

Gran laughed again.“Somehow I doubt whether the other members would appreciate that.”

“What other members?” asked Harriet.

Gran turned to us with a twinkle in her eye.“Wait and see,” she said. “You’ll be pleasantly surprised.”

When, at the next stop, Father Reilly joined us, and so did Shanille, surprise was indeed written all over Harriet’s features, but whether it was a pleasant one was hard to say. Somehow her first words told me it wasn’t.

“I should have known you’d stick your nose where it doesn’t belong,” she growled.

Shanille tilted her chin prissily, and said,“If you’d be able to solve these mysteries all by yourselves, your human would never have called in the help of a specialist.”

“Who are you calling a specialist!”

“In one word? Me, myself and I.”

“That’s three words,” Dooley happily announced.

“Oh, shut up, Dooley,” said Harriet and Shanille in unison.

“This is going to be so great,” Brutus muttered, and we shared a look of commiseration.

Father Reilly had squeezed himself into the backseat, and so five cats were forced to occupy whatever space was left, which wasn’t much, I can tell you!

And the end wasn’t even in sight, as Gran had one more stop to make: right in front of the General Store, where Wilbur Vickery stood waiting.

He peered into the vehicle and grunted,“You couldn’t have picked a bigger car? Hello, Francis.”

“Wilbur,” said Father Reilly with a nod.

Wilbur filed into the car, relegating the cat contingent to the footwell, and if we thought we’d come to the end of our troubles, of course Kingman chose that moment to jump right on top of his human’s lap and give us a little wave.

“All right down there, fellas?” he asked, and had the gall to laugh!

“I don’t like this neighborhood watch, Max,” said Dooley, and I think he spoke for all of us at that point.

Luckily we didn’t have far to drive, and soon the car pulled to a stop and we all got out.

“So what’s the plan?” asked Father Reilly, frowning at the house across the road.

“Isn’t that Vince Damsel’s place?” asked Wilbur.

“Yes, but what I meant was, what are we doing here?”

“Let me fill you in,” said Gran, taking charge of the proceedings like a natural-born neighborhood watch leader. “Vince Damsel is the owner of one of the biggest collections of garden gnomes in town. And so far he’s been able to keep the thieves at bay. But I got a hunch his troubles are about to start.”

“What makes you think that?” asked Father Reilly.

“Well, all the other gnome collectors have been hit already. So Vince is the last holdout, and one of the fattest targets yet.”

“So we think,” Scarlett continued, “that sooner or later Vince’s gnomes are going to prove a target that’s too attractive to resist.”

“Sooner or later?” said Wilbur, plucking at his beard. “You mean we gotta camp out here night after night hoping these rascals will turn up?”

“It does seem a little haphazard if you ask me, Vesta,” said Father Reilly.

“No one asked you, Francis,” Vesta snapped. “You said you wanted to be a part of the watch, and now you are. So shut up and do as you’re told for a change, will you?”

“Gran is in her element, isn’t she?” Dooley said.

“She is,” I said. “This neighborhood watch business brings out the best in her.” Or the worst, depending how you looked at it.

“Look, we’re all here because we want the same thing,” Scarlett said now, trying to smooth Father Reilly’s ruffled feathers. “We all want to live in a safe and pleasant neighborhood. Right?”

“I guess,” said Father Reilly, who didn’t look happy.

“So let’s make sure we catch those thieves and put them behind bars, all right?”

Father Reilly muttered something I couldn’t quite catch. It sounded a lot like, ‘Vincit qui se vincit.’

“And what do you want us to do?” asked Shanille now.

But Gran, for obvious reasons, couldn’t exactly talk to us in front of her fellow watch members. So instead she pointed in the direction of Vince Damsel’s house.

I got the message loud and clear. While the neighborhood watch’s human contingent took up its vigil on this side of the street, us cats were expected to move closer to the scene, and actually guard the gnomes at close range.

So we did as Gran implied, and crossed the street at a trot. And soon we were in Vince’s front yard, and had all selected a couple of gnomes for close protection detail.

Now I knew what Kevin Costner must have felt like in that movie The Bodyguard. Though of course Whitney Houston was much lovelier than any of the foul gnomes that glared at me in the light of a lone streetlamp.

I sighed. It was going to be a long night.

Chapter 34

“So is this what the neighborhood watch is all about?” asked Dooley. He was lying next to me, neatly hidden underneath a rhododendron bush.

“Yeah, I guess so,” I said. “It’s called a stakeout, and basically it means you just stick around until something happens.”

“Which might be never,” said Harriet from her position underneath the next bush.

“So do you guys do this often?” asked Kingman. He was even further down the line, and had found Shanille next to him as his stakeout-mate.

“Actually, no,” I said.

“Oh, but I thought you and Odelia did this kind of thing all the time?”

“Mostly she talks to people,” I said. “And we talk to those same people’s pets. Staking out a place is not something we do on a daily basis.”

“I like it,” Shanille announced. “It think it’s soothing. Just lying here in this cool grass. The stars… the moon… the silence of the night. I think it’s very… romantic.”

“Is that a fact?” said Kingman, and I could hear the grin in his voice.

“I thought you had cat choir,” said Harriet. “Aren’t you afraid they’ll miss you?”

“Not really,” said Shanille. “I asked Buster to take over. Aren’t you afraid they’re going to miss your solo?”

“Not really,” said Harriet. “I could be mistaken, but sometimes I have the impression no one appreciates my solos. And it’s at moments like that that I wonder what I’m doing it for, you know?”

Dooley and I shared a look of concern. I’d never heard Harriet turn philosophical like this. Must be the stars… the moon… the silence of the night.

Or it could be the silent stares of the gnomes, their beady little eyes boring into ours. They looked like they were alive, which was ridiculous, of course.

“I think I speak for every member of cat choir when I tell you that we all like your solos, Harriet,” said Shanille. “Isn’t that right, Kingman?”

“Mh? What? Oh, yeah, sure. Absolutely. Lovely solos. Just lovely.”

“You have a wonderful singing voice,” said Shanille. “And you should be proud of it.”

“Thanks, Shanille,” said Harriet, sounding surprised. “That’s… very nice of you to say.”

“I mean it. Have you tried the stage?”

“Yes, I have,” said Harriet. “It wasn’t a great success.”

“You should try again. I think you’ll find that with practice you’ll do great.”

“Thanks,” said Harriet, clearly moved.

“That gnome is staring at me, Max,” said Dooley, pointing to a fat gnome in front of us.

“That gnome is just a piece of painted plaster, Dooley,” I said. Though my friend was right. The gnome was, indeed, staring at us. With a flicker of malice in its eyes. Creepy!

“I heard Dan Goory is still in jail?” said Kingman.

“Yeah, it looks like he just might be the killer after all,” I said.

“Odelia isn’t happy about it,” Brutus grunted. “It probably will cost her her job.”

“It’s not because of her job that she’s unhappy,” said Harriet. “It’s because Dan is a friend, and she finds it hard to believe one of her friends could be a killer.”

“I find it hard to believe, too,” said Shanille. “Father Reilly was saying just the other day how Dan is one of the most upstanding citizens in this town, and now this. It’s terrible—simply terrible.”

“Wilbur said just the opposite,” said Kingman. “I heard him tell several of his customers how he’s always thought there was something fishy about Dan. Something evil.”

“You shouldn’t listen to Wilbur, Kingman,” said Shanille. “He is what Father Reilly likes to call a fallible human.”

“All humans are fallible, though,” said Harriet. “Well, they are,” she insisted when Kingman groaned. “They all make mistakes, but most of them try to learn from their mistakes, which makes them admirable in my book.”

See? What did I tell you? These stakeouts bring out the philosopher in all of us.

“I hope Elsa has managed to get rid of the mice,” said Brutus. “Otherwise this night will have been a complete waste of time.”

“Oh, I think you’ll find that Elsa will keep her promise,” I said. “She’s an absolute marvel.”

“Who’s this Elsa?” asked Shanille.

“She’s a mouse Max met,” Brutus grunted. “She’s going to get rid of the mice in the basement.”

Kingman laughed at this.“You got a mouse to get rid of your mice? That’s probably the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard!”

“It’s not ridiculous,” I said, feeling slightly offended by this slight. “In fact I think it’s brilliant. Who else but a mouse knows how to get under another mouse’s skin? It’s all about psychology, Kingman.”

“Yeah, it’s all about psychology,” Dooley echoed. “And speaking about psychology, did you hear the one about the priest, the rabbi and the shrink?”

Unfortunately the punchline of Dooley’s joke would have to wait for a more opportune time, as suddenly there was a loud crashing sound nearby, and two people jumped the hedge and landed right in front of Dooley and me. They were both clad in black from head to toe, and were carrying black plastic bags, and before I knew what was happening, they were tearing gnomes out of the ground and dumping them into the bags.

“Max! What do we do?!” Dooley cried.

“Um… we attack!” I said, though I wasn’t exactly sure if this was the right strategy. Humans, you see, are a lot bigger than cats, and on top of that I didn’t know if these blackguards were armed or not.

Still, we’d been recruited to the neighborhood watch to serve and protect, so serve and protect we were going to do to the best of our limited abilities!

I jumped on top of one of the thieves, while Dooley dug his claws into the thief’s ankles. Harriet and Brutus applied the same technique to the second sneak thief, while Kingman and Shanille followed suit, dividing their labor equally amongst the two men—for that was what they were.

So the state of affairs was thus: I was on the back of one of the men, my claws dug in nice and deep, Dooley had his claws into the man’s left calf, and Shanille had climbed the man like a tree and was now on top of his head, holding on for dear life as he screamed at the top of his lungs and thrashed about like a crazy person.

Next to us, the same picture held true, only there both Kingman and Harriet had selected the man’s shoulders as their point of attack, while Brutus had found nothing better than to dig his teeth and claws into the man’s buttocks.

Yikes. Not a pleasant prospect, either for the man, or for poor Brutus!

Soon, though, reinforcements appeared on the scene, in the form of Gran, Scarlett, Father Reilly and Wilbur Vickery. With some effort they managed to subdue both men, and pin them to the ground, effectively rendering our efforts superfluous.

Brutus, who was spitting out a piece of pantaloon, and Dooley, who was shaking his paw to get rid of some of the fabric he’d torn loose, were all right and accounted for, and so was Kingman. Shanille, on the other hand, was nowhere to be found.

Until, at long last, she came teetering up. Apparently her thief had managed to eject her from his head, and she’d found herself ejected into the bushes.

“Remove their masks,” said Gran now.

Wilbur and Father Reilly, seated on the men’s backs, did as they were told, and imagine my surprise when the two men turned out to be two boys instead!

“Flint Dibbert and Bart Stupes!” cried Father Reilly. “I should have known.”

Flint and Bart are what you might call troubled youth, in that they are young and they keep troubling people with their antics. They once spray-painted some very offensive slurs on Uncle Alec’s house—and badly spelled, to boot. And now they’d graduated to a more serious level of criminal activities: gnome-lifting.

“Why?” asked Gran. “Why did you steal all those gnomes?”

“Isn’t it obvious?” asked Bart, who was nursing a nasty cut on his cheek, where Shanille had probably grazed him before he’d thrown her off. “That idiot called us names.”

“What idiot?” asked Gran. She was right to ask the question, as there are a great many idiots to choose from at any given occasion.

“Ted Trapper, of course,” said Bart, who was by way of being the spokesperson of the pair. “So we decided to pay him a lesson.” He grinned. “We knew how much he likes the gnomes, so we decided to set him up with all the gnomes in Hampton Cove.”

“All of the gnomes!” said his brother in crime.

“So they’d all get angry with him,” Bart continued, laying out his evil scheme in all its poignant starkness. Or is it stark poignance?

“All of them angry with poor old Ted!” cried Flint.

“You wanted to get the gnomes angry?” asked Scarlett, confused.

“All the gnomeowners, you stupid old bat!” Bart cried, earning himself a scowl from Scarlett.

“This is not the way, boys,” said father Reilly. “Violence begets violence. Instead of retaliating, you should try to find it in your hearts to forgive.”

“Oh, shut up, you old coot,” said Flint.

Father Reilly, instead of turning the other cheek, simply hauled off and gave the young thug a slap across the cheek. It echoed through the deserted street, as did the muttered‘Ow!’ from the offended youth.

By the time the police finally showed up to take the two youthful criminal masterminds into custody, I could tell that the members of the neighborhood watch, in spite of their first success, were all eager to head home to their respective beds.

And frankly I was eager to get home, too. Not to hit the hay, though, but to find out if the house was now pleasantly devoid of mice!

Tonight might have seen Hampton Cove’s gnome population get rid of a clear and present danger to its continued existence, now it was time for us cats to get rid of our murine menace.

Chapter 35

I arrived home feeling on top of the world. Not only had we been instrumental in snatching a pair of gnome snatchers, but I was absolutely sure we’d now find our house mouse-free for the first time in a long while.

So it was with a faint sense of alarm that I walked in through the pet flap and saw the disaster area that was our kitchen: the cupboards were open, and so was the fridge and the door to the pantry, and food was strewn about liberally all over the place. The living room was a mess, and so was the small family room where we like to watch TV. All in all, it looked as if someone had thrown a party and neglected to clean up after themselves. It didn’t take me long to pin down the culprits, as I saw tiny mice feet all over the place.

Seated on the couch were a haggard-looking Odelia and an equally haggard-looking Chase. Both of them clearly hadn’t had much sleep.

“The mice,” said Odelia when she caught sight of me and Dooley. “They’ve been at it again.”

“Did you tell them about the mice?” asked Chase.

“Yeah, I just did,” said Odelia.

“But… Elsa?” I asked, fearing the worst now.

“I can’t really tell one mouse from another,” said Odelia, rubbing her eyes tiredly, “but it looks to me as if your friend Elsa was the worst of the bunch.”

“Did you tell him about his friend the mouse?” asked Chase.

“Yes, Chase, I just did,” said Odelia through gritted teeth.

“I better go and have a chat,” I said, a little subdued. So I tripped in the direction of the basement, and headed down the stairs. What I saw shook me to my foundations: the mice were clearly having a feast. They were eating and dancing and laughing and partying, and in the center of it all was… Elsa!

“Elsa!” I cried. “What are you doing?”

“Oh, hi, Max,” said my friend.

“What happened?” I asked.

“Oh, I wanted to thank you, Max,” she said, dancing up to me with a definite swing in her step. “Before I met you I had a miserable life. I mean, Boomer was nice, but a dog isn’t the kind of company a mouse likes to keep. And now look at this.” She gestured generously in the direction of Hector and Helga and their family, two hundred strong. “This is what I call living. These are the kind of friends I’ve been hoping to find for a long time.”

“Not friends—family!” Helga cried. “Thanks, Max, for introducing us to such a wonderful new friend.”

I slapped a paw to my brow.“Oh, God,” I said.

“I think it’s wonderful what you’ve done here, Max,” said Elsa. “Create such an amazing home for us. Keep up the good work, and don’t hesitate to drop by any time.”

“Yeah, drop by any time, Max,” said Hector, and raised a thick piece of kibble—my kibble—in a salute.

And as I staggered back up the stairs, and into the family room, the blush that crept up my cheeks was one of both shame and indignation.

“No dice?” asked Odelia when she saw me emerge from the basement—or I should probably say the party zone.

“No dice,” I said. “They like to party, and they’re very grateful for introducing them to a new friend.”

Odelia squeezed her eyes shut for a moment.“I should have known.” She swiftly got up. “Well, there’s only one thing left to do.”

“What’s that?” I asked.

But she held up a hand.“I’ll take care of this from now on, Max. You don’t need to concern yourself anymore.”

And with these words, which I experienced like a verbal slap across the face, she disappeared up the stairs, then slammed the bedroom door.

Chase, still sitting on the couch, yelled,“What’s going on?”

Tough to be a non-cat speaker in a cat-speaking house, I guess.

Chapter 36

After running a quick errand in town, Odelia headed straight to the Riviera Country Club where the social event of the season was taking place. She’d opted not to bring her cats along this time, as she was still a little upset that they’d allowed her house to be turned into a pigsty—or a mouse-sty, to be more precise.

She understood why they were reluctant to deal with the mice forcefully and effectively. Max and the others were simply too kind. And she appreciated that kindness, absolutely she did. But right now she was a little upset, and didn’t want to see her cats.

So she arrived at the country club all by her lonesome, having decided to accept the invitation by Jacqueline Goossens for this first-ever joint meeting of the Gnomeos and the Maria Power Society.

The meeting took place in one of the larger conference rooms, and Odelia was surprised to find that there were so many participants in attendance. When she’d first heard of the respective clubs she hadn’t thought so many people were involved.

Even though Maria Power had retired a decade ago, clearly she was still popular.

Jacqueline greeted her at the entrance, and gave her a badge to pin to her blouse.

“Welcome, welcome,” said Jacqueline, beaming with delight. “This is a happy, happy day. Even though the circumstances could have been different—should have been different.” A mournful look passed across her face, but then she was brave again. “I hope you’ll join us. The Gnomeos is a happy club, and a celebration of all that Maria Power represents: talent, beauty, class, style, and of course an infectious positivity.”

“Thanks,” said Odelia. “I’ll think about it.”

She wasn’t exactly a fan of fan clubs, but didn’t want to insult the woman, who’d clearly put a lot of effort into this unique meeting.

She strolled through the room, glanced at the different stalls showcasing everything from DVDs to posters and pictures—signed or otherwise—and took a seat near the back. Soon a new board would be chosen, and new bylaws for the newly formed fan club.

It was a pity, she felt, that Dan couldn’t be there. He would have loved it, she was sure. And as she glanced around, she thought there were at least two hundred people there, many that she recognized, and smiled or waved to several of them in greeting.

And so for the next two hours she did what she did best: she listened and took notes, talked to some people, and shot a couple of pictures, and constructed a potential story in her mind. All the while, though, she couldn’t help but think that maybe this was all simply an exercise in futility: very soon now the Gazette would have to close its doors, and she would be a reporter no more.

Dan had once promised her that when he retired she’d be able to take over, but he’d never actually finalized anything, figuring he still had a long way to go before he decided to enjoy a well-earned retirement.

Instead, he was going to enjoy a well-earned stretch in prison, and she had no legal right, or financial means, to continue the paper. She was, after all, merely an employee.

Finally, the morning wound down, and she joined the line as people filed out of the conference room. There would be drinks served, and even a light lunch for those who’d signed up on the website, but Odelia frankly had had enough and wanted to leave.

She waved to Jacqueline, and then she was briskly walking to her car, and moments later was on her way back to Hampton Cove.

She was already back at the office when she realized she’d lost her phone.

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I was feeling a little down in the dumps, and I think you probably don’t have to guess why. My human was upset with me, and my home wasn’t really my home anymore.

And so it was with a weary sigh and a very dark mood indeed that I’d taken refuge next door. At least in Marge and Tex’s house things were still the way they’d always been.

And I was sleeping peacefully on a chair when a sort of ruckus or brouhaha suddenly broke out.

The sound of loud screams rent the air, and I thought the noise was coming from next door. I hopped down from the chair and went in search of answers.

Dooley, who’d been sleeping upstairs, on Tex and Marge’s bed—he likes to sleep there of a morning, as the bed is nice and comfy and, most importantly, devoid of people taking up valuable space—came trotting down the stairs with a questioning look on his face.

I shrugged, since I had no idea what was going on either.

Brutus and Harriet emerged from the bushes when we passed through the pet flap. It’s one of their favorite places to take a nap.

“What’s going on?” asked Harriet, annoyed by this interruption of what was probably a most wonderful nap.

“No idea,” said Dooley. “But it seems to be coming from Odelia’s.”

So we all passed through the hole in the hedge, and the sight that met our eyes was one for the books indeed: a long stream of mice was passing through the garden, all of them either screaming or crying loudly, and at the head of this pack of mice were Hector and Helga. They were moving in the direction of Jackson Browne’s field, though I couldn’t understand why they’d undertake such an expedition all of a sudden.

Finally, at the end of the line of mice, I recognized the familiar figure of Elsa.

“What’s going on?” I asked, puzzled.

Elsa gave me a sad look.“I should have known it was too good to be true,” she said. “Your scary friend came into our basement just now, and threatened to eat us all alive. And to show us she meant business, she grabbed a handful of Helga’s babies and actually put them into her mouth! Of course Hector and Helga went berserk, but the cat was not to be deterred. She said that if we didn’t skedaddle on the double, she was going to eat us all with hide and hair! And she wasn’t kidding, that much was immediately clear to me.”

“A friend?” asked Harriet. “What friend?”

“I don’t remember the name. But she’s the scariest cat I’ve ever seen. A real killer. One of those cats that takes pleasure in murdering innocent mice.” She held out a paw and tapped mine. “It was a pleasure to make your acquaintance, Max. I’ll see you around.”

And with these words, she joined the throng as it filed out of our backyard.

We all looked at one another with surprise written all over our features. And then moved into the house as one cat, eager to discover who this wonder-cat could possibly be. I have to confess I had a good idea as to this scary cat’s identity, though, and I soon discovered I’d guessed correctly.

For who would be waiting for us inside but… Clarice!

“Hi, you guys,” the tough feline said good-naturedly. “I took care of your little problem for you. I hope that’s okay.”

“Okay!” I cried. “It’s more than okay! It’s a miracle.”

“Eh,” she said with her customary cool.

“Did you… eat them?” asked Dooley, wide-eyed.

“I didn’t have to,” said Clarice. “Nor was I allowed to, I have to add. Odelia strictly forbade me to tuck in. Pity. But there you have it. Anyway, as soon as I set foot in that basement, it was game over for Hector and Helga.” She spoke these last words with a grim expression on her face, and I could very well see how the mice would have been intimidated to a degree.

“Odelia asked you to come?” asked Harriet.

“Yeah, she thought you guys could use a paw, so I was only happy to lend you one.” She held out her paw, and the sharpness of her claws, and the pleasure she took in watching them catch a lone ray of sunshine, made me gulp a little.

“Too bad I wasn’t allowed to grab a couple of the fat ones,” she murmured. “I’m a little peckish, to be honest.”

“Oh, but by all means, have some of my food,” I said, gesturing to the kitchen.

“And mine!” said Dooley.

“No, take mine, please, Clarice,” said Harriet.

“Clarice will eat from my food or she won’t eat at all!” bellowed Brutus.

Clarice grinned at this, and said,“Thanks. Most kind.”

“One question, Clarice,” I said, as she ambled toward the kitchen. “Why did you come now, and not before, when we asked?”

She shrugged.“I like your human. She’s the first one that’s ever been nice to me. You guys—of course I think you’re all great, but if I have to come running every time a cat asks me to help them deal with some little problem I’d have a full-time job.”

I nodded.“Odelia is special,” I agreed.

She fixed me with a glance.“You have no idea.” And then she tucked in.

And I had to hand it to her: she gave us all the respect we required. In other words: she ate from all of our bowls in equal measure. Which is to say she ate it all.

But she’d earned it. Oh, had she earned it!

Chapter 37

That evening, Odelia was just about to head into her parents’ backyard for dinner when the doorbell chimed out a pleasant tune.

She’d just nipped back to her own house to grab an extra plate, and was still carrying it in her hand when she went to answer the door.

To her surprise it was Jacqueline. But when she saw what the woman was holding up, she let out a small cry of pleasure.

“My phone!”

“You left it at the conference this morning,” Jacqueline said. “I thought you probably wanted to have it back as quickly as possible, so I asked around and got your address.”

“Oh, that’s so kind of you,” said Odelia, and invited the woman in.

“I can’t stay long,” said Jacqueline as she passed into the living room. “Such a nice home,” she said, looking into the backyard, where Harriet and Brutus were lying on the grass, belly up as they sometimes liked to do when they were completely relaxed. “And what lovely cats you have.”

“Yeah, it’s small but cozy,” said Odelia, who was proud of her little home, in spite of its modest dimensions or furnishings.

“So what did you think of the meeting?”

“Oh, I thought it went very well. The two clubs coming together like that is a great accomplishment.”

“Too bad it took a tragedy to get us there,” said Jacqueline.

Just then, Max came padding into the room, and the moment he caught sight of Jacqueline he paused mid-step.

“How did you get involved with this whole Maria Power thing?” asked Odelia, still clutching her plate for some reason.

“I’ve always been fascinated by her,” said Jacqueline. “I saw my first Maria Power movie when I was a teen, and she’s been my favorite actress ever since. She has something quite… timeless, don’t you think? Timeless and remarkably striking. With a single gesture she can mesmerize an entire room of moviegoers.”

Max was making frantic gestures now, for some reason, and Odelia raised a questioning eyebrow in his direction.

“Also, she’s like a chameleon. She could transform into anyone she liked. Man, woman. Young, old. She could be anything. I think she’s the greatest actress of our time.”

“Yeah, she’s pretty great,” said Odelia.

“It’s her!” Max cried.

Odelia frowned.“So, um, do you maybe want to stay for dinner, Jacqueline?”

“Oh, no,” said the woman. “I just wanted to drop off your phone. Although…” She turned to the window and sniffed. “It does smell delicious.”

“It’s Maria Power!” Max cried, and Odelia snapped her head up.

“You know what? I don’t want to trouble you, but I do love a home-cooked meal,” said Jacqueline pleasantly.

“Yeah, no, that’s fine,” said Odelia. She held up the plate. “I was just grabbing an extra plate when you arrived.”

“Serendipity!” Jacqueline laughed.

“She’s Maria Power!” Max repeated. “I recognize her scent.” He frowned. “Which means… it was also her in Dan’s office that morning, with Heather Gallop. And it was her with Jack Warner, when he was killed. And it was her at Daisy Rayo’s house, when she tumbled down the stairs. Allthis time I thought it was the dress on the mannequin in Dan’s office, or the dress on the bed in Jack Warner’s hotel room, or the hat in Daisy Rayo’s fan room, but no scent would be that strong or linger that long. Not after all those years. It must have been Maria Power herself—in all three places—in disguise!”

Odelia gulped a little at this revelation. Jacqueline, meanwhile, was still smiling, and walking toward the sliding glass doors.“Do I go through here?” she asked.

“Yes—yes, right through there,” said Odelia. “And then through the hedge over there. You go on ahead, I have to grab… something.”

Jacqueline walked through, and Odelia studied the prominent nose, the chin, the glasses… and realized the woman was in disguise. With a prosthetic nose and chin!

“It’s her, Odelia,” said Max. “She was there every single time.”

“Which means…”

“Which means she just might be the killer,” said Max, finishing her train of thought. “She could have killed them all. Called Dan to get him out of the way and kill Heather. Set up that meeting with Jack and set Dan up to take the fall. And kill Daisy Rayo.”

“But why?” asked Odelia. “Unless…” She thought hard. “Remember the woman who said she saw Daisy enter the house twice?”

“The second time wasn’t Daisy,” said Max. “It was Maria Power, pretending to be Daisy.”

“It was Daisy’s day off,” said Odelia. “That’s what her supervisor said. She wasn’t supposed to be there that day, and yet she conveniently was, to catch Dan in the act.”

“And then she killed the real Daisy to cover her tracks.”

“Because she knew that after the initial interview there would be a second one.”

“And the real Daisy would immediately say she hadn’t been at the hotel that day.”

“That’s so… cunning,” said Odelia.

“She is. Very cunning.”

They stared at each other for a beat.“So now what?” asked Odelia.

“Now you tell your uncle to arrest her,” said Max encouragingly.

“We still don’t know why she did it,” said Odelia.

“Oh, I think you can probably guess,” a voice sounded behind her.

Odelia looked up, and found herself staring into the barrel of a small handgun.

Jacqueline, or Maria Power, gestured with the gun.“It might not look like much, but I can assure you it is quite lethal. I got it as a present from one of my husbands. Husband number five, I seem to remember.”

“You’re Maria Power,” said Odelia.

“How did you guess?” asked the woman with a smile.

“I… just put two and two together.”

“Very clever. Please move away from the window.”

Odelia did as she was told.“Why did you do it?”

The actress shrugged.“Isn’t it obvious?”

And then it dawned on Odelia.“The movie. Gnomeo. You didn’t want Heather to sell it to Dan.”

“Or Jack.”

“But why? It’s your greatest movie. The one that launched your career.”

“Exactly. There’s only one problem with that. I’m not in it.”

Odelia stared at the woman, processing this.“You’re…”

“I’m not in the movie. Let’s call that part Hollywood lore. And oh boy, did I excel at selling the story. Of course Finkelstein wasn’t going to deny anything, because he was already dead at that point, and the actors who did play in the movie were all behind the Iron Curtain at the time, where Finkelstein shot his masterpiece. A lot cheaper that way, and very convenient for me. It was indeed my greatest performance—not the movie, but selling the story that I was in the movie, and that I was so great, so amazing, so mesmerizing that Finkelstein didn’t want anyone else to see it so he destroyed every single copy. The movie launched my career all right, but not the way people think.”

“And if the real movie came out it would reveal the truth.”

“And I couldn’t have that, now could I?” She frowned. “Damned Finkelstein. I should have known he’d have kept a copy. Directors have the biggest egos in show business. They hate to destroy their own work. He must have kept it in a vault, and it ended up in the hands of his daughter, who had no idea of its value, thank God.”

“And then into the hands of Heather Gallop.”

“And oh, boy, did she have an idea of its value. She was going to make good, the money-grubbing little tart. First she gave me a chance to buy it—as if she was doing me a favor. A simple case of malicious blackmail, of course. And when I told her I wasn’t going to play along, she said she already had another buyer lined up.”

“Dan Goory.”

Maria nodded.“So I had to put a stop to that.”

“You dressed up as a UPS man and killed Heather, and Dan ended up being blamed.”

“Exactly. Only then Jack Warner called me out of the blue, and told me he’d seen a copy of the movie. Heather had shown it to him, and he’d secretly filmed it with his phone. He said either he was going to tell the world, or…” She grimaced. “Well, he’d always had this sick fascinationwith me, and now he saw his chance clear to finally having his way with me. So I set up a meeting at the hotel, and he was only too happy to oblige. Only I didn’t show up there as myself, but as one of the cleaners.”

“How did you know it was Daisy Rayo’s day off?”

“Daisy was a big fan. She’d written me many, many times. I knew she worked at the Star, so I simply called her for a little chat, and the silly thing told me everything I needed to know. I said I was doing research for a new part. A reboot of Hotel, where I was to play the role played by Bette Davis in the pilot, and then later Anne Bancroft in the series.”

“You set up that meeting with Dan, didn’t you? This so-called reconciliation?”

“Of course I did. Jack was much too proud to set aside his differences with Dan. So I made sure Dan was right there at the scene, and then it was a simple matter of acting the distraught maid and giving my statement to the first officer on the scene. Easy peasy.”

“And you killed Daisy to make sure she wouldn’t talk.”

Maria nodded.“And now, I’m sorry to say, I’m going to have to do the same with you. A pity, as I really like you. You’ve got spunk, kid.”

“Wait,” said Odelia when Maria lifted the gun and pointed it at her heart. “How are you going to explain this, your fourth murder?”

Maria shrugged.“I’m not. Anyone could have broken in here and shot you.”

“Why—why did you dress up as Jacqueline? I thought you w-were a recluse?” She was frantically looking for a way out, and noticed to her satisfaction that Max was nowhere to be found. He’d gone for help—she hoped!

The famous actress smiled.“Maria Power is a recluse, but I’m not. I’ve always been a social person, and I like to be out and about. The only problem with being a legend is that you can’t socialize the way you used to. People act funny around you. So I invented poor horse-faced Jacqueline. You’d be surprised how nice people are when you look like this.” She gestured to her face. “And I had a lot of fun pretending to be someone I’m not. I am an actress, after all, and I like to think that Jacqueline was my greatest performance.”

Suddenly behind Maria a figure appeared, and as the actress raised the gun once more, and her finger started to squeeze the trigger, some heavy object came down upon her head, and before she could fire a fatal bullet, her eyes turned up in her head and she dropped to the floor.

Gran, for it was her, held up the garden gnome with which she’d knocked out the actress, and bent down to feel her pulse. “She’ll live,” she said simply, and rose to her feet. “Oh, honey. You really should stop putting yourself in these dangerous situations.”

Marge now also came barging in, followed by Tex, Chase, Uncle Alec and Charlene Butterwick. They all stared at the prostrate figure on the floor, and at Gran, who was holding up the gnome triumphantly.

“I never liked gnomes, but I have to admit they can come in very handy indeed!”

Epilogue

“You’re much more cheerful, Max,” said Dooley. “I like it very much.”

“Yeah, I know,” I said. In fact I hadn’t been able to stop smiling all day.

“It’s my jokes, isn’t it? My jokes have put you in a good mood again.”

“Um…”

“It’s very important. You have to keep laughing. It’s the only way to beat the cancer.”

I stared at my friend.“Cancer? What cancer?”

“The brain cancer. The only cure is laughing. All the experts agree on this.”

“Dooley, I don’t have cancer.”

“But you’ve been looking so sad these past couple of days.”

“Because of Hector and Helga turning our house into a dump and eating all of our food, and Odelia being so upset with me. And now that they’re gone, I’m happy again.”

Dooley studied me for a moment.“So… you never had cancer?”

“No, I never had cancer, Dooley.”

Now it was his turn to smile.“That makes me happy.”

“Which in turn makes me happy.”

“Oh, could you guys cut it out already?” said Harriet, who can never stand too much happiness in one gulp.

We were sitting in our usual place, on the porch swing, while all around us a family feast was in full swing. Tex was manning the barbecue, his tongue sticking out of his mouth from the effort he was putting into the thing, and it had to be said, the man was steadily improving. He’d probably never be Guy Fieri but at least the food was edible.

“You still haven’t explained what happened,” said Harriet, who hated to be kept in the dark.

“Well, Jacqueline Goossens was in fact Maria Power, cleverly disguised so she could mingle with the common people, as she probably saw it.”

“And to commit the odd murder,” Brutus grunted.

“So Maria Power, famous Maria Power, is a killer?” asked Harriet, surprised.

“Yes, she is, and she almost killed Odelia,” I said.

“Let’s not linger on that,” said Marge, who’d joined us for a moment so she could dispense some of her husband’s cooking. “Odelia is safe and sound and so are all of us.”

“And Dan?” asked Harriet. “Is he all right?”

“Yeah, my brother released him from prison as soon as Maria confessed, and he’s already rustling up bids from respective publishers who are all clamoring for his autobiography. He’s calling it, ‘Scenes from the Slammer.’” Marge smiled. “I’m sure it’ll be a bestseller.”

“Of course I always knew Dan was innocent,” said Uncle Alec now, as he addressed the others. “But what could I do? All the evidence pointed against the guy.”

“You thought he was guilty, Alec,” said Charlene. “Admit it.”

“Well, yes, at first I did, and then I didn’t… and then I did. It’s complicated,” he said in a blustering kind of way, and helped himself to another piece of steak, which Charlene immediately removed from his plate and returned to sender.

When he gave her a look of astonishment, she patted his belly.“I like you very much, my pet, and therefore I hope to have you with us for a very long time to come. And if you keep digging your grave with your teeth like that, that’s not going to happen, is it now?”

“I guess not,” he grumbled, looking distinctly unhappy.

“I think if Charlene keeps taking Uncle Alec’s plate away like that, their relationship isn’t going to last very long,” Brutus remarked.

“He doesn’t look happy,” Dooley said thoughtfully. “Do you think he’s got cancer?”

“Oh, Dooley!” Harriet cried. “Enough already with the cancer!”

Dooley gave her a slightly offended frown, then tucked into his own bowl of goodies, which, I can happily report, were in no immediate danger of being stolen by a horde of voracious and frankly very disrespectful mice.

“What’s going to happen to Hector and Helga?” asked Harriet, as if she’d read my mind.

“They’ll remain in that field, and if they don’t behave they’ll be kicked out of there as well,” I said. “Clarice will make sure of that.”

We all directed a curious glance at the field in question, and more in particular at the ramshackle wooden structure Jackson Browne erected to protect his sheep when it rains or storms. I think we all thought the same thing: how long was this new arrangement going to hold? Hector and Helga aren’t exactly trustworthy mice, it has to be said.

“So when Jack Warner announced to the hotel receptionist at the Star that this was the best day of his life,” said Marge, “he wasn’t actually referring to his meeting with Dan?”

“No, he was not,” said Odelia. “He was referring to his meeting with Maria, the star he’d admired all these years, and with whom he finally had managed to snag a date.”

“Snag isn’t the right word,” said Chase. “Blackmail is the word that comes to mind.”

“He got what he deserved,” was Gran’s opinion. “Men like that always meet a sticky end.”

“What happened to Flint and Bart?” asked Scarlett. “Are they still in jail?”

“Nah. They’re minors,” said Uncle Alec. “Can’t keep ‘em. They’ll appear before a juvie judge, who’ll decide what to do with those two rascals.”

“It was a neat little plan they hatched,” said Gran. “Stealing gnomes and dumping them squarely in Ted Trapper’s lap.”

“Neat is not the word I’d use,” Uncle Alec growled.

“Pity that Maria Power turned out to be a homicidal maniac,” said Charlene with a sigh. “Now we’ll never be able to organize a film retrospective again. Plus, since she lived in our town we’ll be tarred with the same brush for a very long time to come.”

“Yeah, I can imagine the whole thing is a PR nightmare for a mayor,” said Marge with concern.

“Oh, we’ll live,” said Charlene with a smile. “In fact it might be a boon for Hampton Cove. Disaster tourism is a real thing, you know.”

“Odelia,” said Marge, taking a seat. “About the wedding. I’ve found the greatest wedding planner. Marina Swath told me she’s simply the best, and surprisingly affordable, too.”

“No, Mom. I told you Chase and I want a small wedding. Not a big production.”

“But, honey!”

Odelia placed her hand on her mother’s arm. “All we want is to say ‘I do’ in front of my family and friends, Mom. It’s as simple as that.”

Marge sighed.“I know, but…”

“Burger up!” Tex yelled, and suddenly a burger was zooming through the air. We all followed it with our eyes, until the scalding hot patty landed with a squelching sound on Uncle Alec’s practically bald pate. It sizzled, and smoke rose up from the Chief’s head.

The big man screamed, and quick as a flash slapped it away.

“Oops,” said Tex. “I was aiming for your plate, Alec, not your pate.”

“It hurts!” Uncle Alec cried, tears actually forming in his eyes. “It hurts bad!”

“Oh, my teddy bear,” said Charlene, then took the burger patty where it had landed on the table, placed it on the Chief’s plate and handed it to him. “You eat this while I go and get some ice.”

“Thanks,” he said, surprised by this unexpected treat. And while Marge and Charlene disappeared into the house to get some ice and a towel, the cop gave Tex two thumbs up. The patty might have scalded his own patty, but it had clearly proved a hit.

“I like it when everybody’s happy,” Dooley declared. “Cancer doesn’t stand a chance when we’re all smiling and having fun.”

“Oh, Dooley,” Harriet groaned.

“No, but it’s true. And to prove to you I’m right, I’m going to tell you another joke. A priest, a rabbi and a rabbit walk into a bar. ‘Dang it’s hot in here,’ says the rabbit. ‘Must be your imagination,’ says the priest. ‘No, it’syour imagination,’ says the rabbit. ‘Why is that?’ asks the rabbi. ‘Ever met a talking rabbit before?’”

It wasn’t a good joke, but I think you have to admit it wasn’t a bad one either. I laughed, and so did Harriet and Brutus. And Dooley? He laughed the loudest of us all.

And if joy and happiness are an indication of good health, I think it’s safe to say that my friend is the healthiest cat alive. Even if his jokes need work. A lot of work.