18f44de3c41a3c8943c05e9ff1c1336f

ôSame thing here,ö said Lynnette. ôMen are so obvious, arenÆt they? Like sad little puppies when they donÆt get what they want. And then when you give it to them they get all overexcited and practically wet themselves. Not,ö she hastened to say, ôthat Franco has a problem in that department. He passed his recent prostate exam with flying colors.ö

ôIÆm glad that Gene hates technology so much,ö said Adra. ôHe wouldnÆt even know how to work a smartphone, let alone get in touch with other women that way.ö

ôI can totally relate how so many people are completely devastated right now by the news that their significant other signed up for ValinaÆs site,ö said Emma. ôI was the victim of a cheating partner once and I can tell you that it hurts like the dickens.ö

ôAnd that takes us right back to our topic for tonight,ö said Marge smoothly.

Carlotta frowned at her copy ofTears in the Mud.ôNot exactly Dickens,ö she said.

ôNo, but I was thinking we could tackle Dickens next,ö said Marge. ôThough IÆm not sure yet which one. He has so many wonderful books to choose from.ö

ôI thought we could do a Nora Roberts one,ö said Adra eagerly.

ôIt doesnÆt always have to be romance, Adra,ö said Lynnette sternly. ôThere are other genres to choose from, you know.ö

AdraÆs face fell. It was clear she preferred romance. ôNora writes mystery, too,ö she ventured hopefully.

ôThatÆs true,ö Marge agreed. ôYou know what IÆll do? IÆll draw up a list for you to choose from. And everyone is invited to nominate books for the list. How does that sound?ö

ôExcellent,ö said Charlene, who was nibbling from a cookie. She looked a little worn out, but then being mayor will do that to a person. ItÆs a tough job at the best of times, and when dating sites get hacked and their CEOs murdered, it gets even worse. ôYou know, just for the record, I have to say I donÆt agree with what you just said, Lynnette.ö

ôAbout romance, you mean?ö asked Lynnette, raising a stunned eyebrow.

ôNo, about women being responsible for their husbands cheating on them.ö

ôI donÆt think I phrased it exactly like that,ö said Lynnette with a light laugh.

ôYes, you did. And you really shouldnÆt blame women when their husbands turn out to be philandering you-know-whats. Mostly itÆs the men themselves that are up to no good. And unfortunately I can relate.ö She gave Emma a sad look. ôAnd even though I blamed myself for a long time, I know now that it wasnÆt my fault. In fact it never was.ö

ôHear, hear,ö said Adra. ôSo about Nora. She writes in many wonderful genres. She writes mystery, romance, but also fantasy and even science fiction!ö

ôAnd her books are a damn sight better than that Dickens fellow,ö Carlotta murmured.

ôDickens is classic literature,ö said Odelia, coming to her momÆs defense. ôAnd you canÆt deny that he wrote some veryà interesting books. Books that are still being read today.ö

ôAll right, fine,ö said Lynnette. ôSo letÆs put it to a vote. All in favor of Noraùö

ôFirst the nominations, then the vote,ö said Marge, showing everyone who was boss. ôThereÆs an order to these things and itÆs important to respect it, otherwise itÆs chaos.ö

Just then, Gran walked in, saw that the meeting was in full swing, and immediately walked out again.

Gran isnÆt one for reading, IÆm afraid, and in that sense sheÆs an equal opportunities person: she dislikes Nora just as much as she dislikes Dickens or any other writer. And since book club occupied the living room, where the television is located, I could already tell she was in a bad mood, for next door, Chase was watching football with Tex and Alec.

ôNow she knows how we feel,ö Dooley whispered.

ôAnd how do we feel?ö I asked, yawning widely.

ôNot in control of the remote!ö

Chapter 15

Vesta was indeed in a particularly foul mood. She didnÆt enjoy it when she couldnÆt occupy her space the way she liked. And most of all she didnÆt enjoy not being able to watch her favorite shows in peace and comfort. Of course she had a small television set in her bedroom, but the last thing she wanted was to sneak upstairs and hide away in herroom like some punished teenager and watch TV. After all, whatÆs the point of having a perfectly nice house with a perfectly nice TV when you canÆt even call the place your own!

So she set off for OdeliaÆs place, knowing that at least there these so-called book club people wouldnÆt be infesting the place with their intellectual pastime. Only the moment she stalked in through the kitchen door, she found not only her son-in-law there, stretched out on the couch, but also Tex and even her son Alec. The three men were watching some football game on television.

ôOh, hey, Vesta,ö said Tex good-naturedly. ôWanna join us?ö

ôAnd watch grown men beat the crap out of each other? No, thank you very much.ö And she made to leave again, vowing to drop by ScarlettÆs and hog her friendÆs TV instead.

ôOh, before you go,ö said Alec, ôthereÆs been a complaint. Well, a couple of complaints, actually.ö

ôWhat complaint?ö she asked, glancing to the TV where two colossuses had just collided. She winced, imagining the damage to the brain these people must endure.

ôThe cleaner at Valina Fawn who called in ValinaÆs murder this morning. You told her not to waste valuable police time with her crank calls and hung up on her. Lucky for her she got Scarlett the second time around, who did the right thing and sent a patrol round.ö

ôSo? WhatÆs your point, exactly?ö she asked tersely.

Alec took a deep breath.ôMy point, Ma, is that when youÆre a 911 dispatcher, you donÆt tell people reporting a crime to take a hike. You diligently follow protocol and take down their information and send a unit. DidnÆt you get the flow chart outlining the procedure?ö

ôChucked it,ö she snapped. ôDonÆt need no stinkinÆ flow charts telling me what to do. What am I? A nine-year-old? As if I canÆt distinguish between a crank call and the real thing.ö

ôWell, obviously you got the wrong end of the stick this morning. So please, Ma, donÆt let it happen again? Or IÆll be forced to take measures.ö

She narrowed her eyes at her one and only son.ôWhat measures?ö

ôIÆm afraid IÆll have to let you go if it happens again.ö

She gaped at the man.ôLet me go! Your sweet old mother! Have you no shame!ö

ôIÆm sorry, Ma, but in the interest of public safetyà You have to admit you dropped the ball there this morning.ö

ôI did no such thing! On the contrary, I saved your people a lot of time and trouble looking into an unnecessary report by what was obviously some crazy person.ö

ôThat crazy person reported the murder of her boss,ö said Alec sternly.

She clamped her lips together.ôAnything else you want to share with me?ö

ôThere have been several complaints about your tone.ö

ôMy tone? WhatÆs wrong with my tone?ö

ôApparently you sound very cranky.ö

ôCranky! IÆm Miss Congeniality!ö

ôYou told a woman to stop whining when she reported her car had been stolen.ö

ôNo one likes a crybaby,ö Vesta muttered darkly.

ôAnd you told Rory Suds he was acting like a diva when he called in a holdup.ö

ôProbably just a couple of his drug addict buddies unhappy with his merchandise.ö

Alec gave another weary sigh.ôJustà be nice to people, will you? Make an effort?ö

ôIÆm always nice to people. Just ask Tex. You canÆt wish for a nicer person than me.ö

But when Tex preferred to stay mum on the subject, and in doing so refused to endorse her view of herself, she made a sound of disgust and stalked out.

ôFine!ö she said. ôYou donÆt have to spell it out. I know when IÆm not welcome!ö

ôVesta, donÆt be like that,ö said Chase, but she was already slamming the door.

Fifteen minutes later she was parking her daughterÆs aged red Peugeot in front of ScarlettÆs apartment building, and another five minutes later was sipping a hot cocoa on her friendÆs living room couch. ôI mean, the gall of these people,ö she was saying. ôItÆs not enough that I have to listen to these attention seekers all day, and spend my precious time cooped up inside a stinky old precinct, now theyÆve got the nerve to file a complaint!ö

ôYou gotta understand, hon,ö said Scarlett, who was drinking her usual black coffee, ôthat these people are under a lot of stress. Imagine having your house burgled, or suddenly staring at the business end of a big gun, wielded by an obviously unbalanced person high on crystal meth. The last thing you expect is to be called a diva or told to man up when you call in the cops. They want to be told that everything is gonna be all right. That help is on the way. That they can count on us to put an end to their nightmare.ö

Vesta frowned before herself, but had to admit Scarlett just might have a point.

ôYou know what your problem is, Vesta? You lack empathy.ö

ôAre you kidding! IÆm full of empathy! IÆm empathy personified. What is empathy, exactly?ö

Scarlett smiled.ôEmpathy is being able to put yourself in the other personÆs shoes. Seeing things from their perspective and responding accordingly. So when a person calls in a murder, you donÆt tell them to take a hike and stop wasting valuable police time. You try to imagine howyou would feel if you came face to face with a dead body.ö

ôIÆd probably freak out a little,ö Vesta admitted. ôAnd then IÆd call the cops.ö

ôAnd if the person on the other end told you to buzz off?ö

ôThen IÆd probably drag them through the phone line and beat the living crap out of them.ö She frowned. ôOkay, if you put it like that, maybe I did overreact a little.ö

ôA little! YouÆre probably the worst police dispatcher in history!ö

ôOh, donÆt you start, too,ö she grumbled, trying to deflect blame, as was her habit. ôCan I help it that I never received the proper training? That I was dumped into this job without so much as an instruction manual?ö

ôI was dumped into this job, and IÆm doing all right.ö

ôThatÆs because youÆre anice person,ö she growled, making it sound as if being nice was akin to being a mass murderer.

ôYou could be nice, if you wanted to be. It might take an effort at first, because youÆre not used to it, after spending your whole life being an obnoxious bùö

ôDonÆt you say it! DonÆt you dare!ö

ôùbusybody.ö

She glared at her friend for all of a minute, trying to decide whether to fly off the handle or not, but finally decided that maybe she had enough of that kind of behavior.

So finally she said,ôYouÆre right.ö

Scarlett blinked.ôExcuse me?ö

ôI said youÆre right.ö

ScarlettÆs smile was something to behold. ôCould you please repeat that, only this time IÆll record it on my phone?ö

ôDonÆt be such a smart-ass,ö she said, then rested her chin on her hand. ôIÆm not a very nice person, am I?ö

ôNo, youÆre not, but you are pretty funny.ö

ôFunny!ö she spat. ôWhat does that even mean?ö

ôIt means you always make me laugh, with your outrageousness.ö

ôFat lot of good that has ever done me,ö she muttered, staring before herself. ôItÆs justà I donÆt suffer fools gladly, Scarlett. And there are a lot of fools out there. And I do mean a lot.ö

ôI know,ö said Scarlett. ôBut maybe you shouldnÆt let them get to you.ö

ôIÆm simply too good for this world, thatÆs my problem.ö

ôOf course it is,ö said Scarlett with a grin.

ôNo, but itÆs true!ö After a moment, she returned her friendÆs grin, and before long, both women shared a hearty laugh. ôI donÆt know how you tolerate me,ö she finally said.

ôYeah, I ask myself that all the time,ö Scarlett returned.

Vesta gave her friend a light slap on the thigh, then both friends settled in as Scarlett turned on the television, and moments later they were watchingThe Good Wife.

Vesta soon found herself spacing out, though, AliciaÆs exploits not as gripping as usual. Could it be that Scarlett was right? That she lacked empathy? It certainly was a novel concept that you needed to empathize with people. She usually bulldozed her way through life, and so far it had been a winning strategy. Now, though, she wasnÆt so sure.

Definitely something to explore.

Chapter 16

As Dooley and I got ready to go to cat choir, Harriet and Brutus decided to join us. They seemed to have patched things up, for they were once again on speaking terms.

ôSheÆs agreed to cancel her Pettr account,ö Brutus told me in confidence as we walked along. ôAnd IÆve agreed to be more trusting going forward. After all, when youÆre in a relationship itÆs all about giving each other space, isnÆt it?ö he added magnanimously.

ôI suppose,ö I said, darting a quick glance to Harriet, who was walking next to Dooley, and telling him everything about her Pettr experience. Not that Dooley seemed to grasp the full gist of the Pettr concept, but that has never stopped Harriet before.

ôI mean, you need to give them that space, you see. It shows how much you trust the other person. And after all, when thereÆs no trust, what is there? Nothing, Max!ö

ôUh-huh,ö I said, finding this conversation passing into Dear Abby territory a little too much for my personal taste. IÆm not an agony aunt, and therefore not equipped to give advice to the lovelorn or even quarreling lovebirds like Brutus and Harriet.

ôSo IÆve decided not to check her Pettr account from now on.ö

ôI thought you said she agreed to cancel her account?ö

ôThatÆs what she said, but how do I know she isnÆt lying? But to show her how much I trust her, IÆm not even going to check.ö He lowered his voice. ôSo could you do me a favor and find out?ö

ôFind out what?ö

He frowned at me.ôIf she canceled her account, of course!ö

ôBut I thought you said you were going to trust her? Give her space and all that?ö

ôAnd I am giving her space. But that doesnÆt mean you have to give her space.ö

ôReally, Brutus? You want me to spy on Harriet for you? Is that what itÆs come to?ö

ôJust this once, buddy.ö He gave me a pained look. ôI need to know. IÆm going to go stir-crazy if I donÆt. So can you do me this one little favor? Just take a peek at her tablet for me?ö

ôOh, all right,ö I said.

ôDo it after you get back from cat choir. IÆve promised to take her into town, to the Hungry Pipe. I hear theyÆve got quite the menu lined up for us tonight.ö

ôThey have?ö

ôWell, not for us, specifically. ThereÆs a council meeting tonight, and several council members have gotten into the habit of heading to the Hungry Pipe for a late dinner. And you know what those council members are like. After a lifetime in politics, their digestive systems are completely screwed up, so thereÆll be plenty of leftovers for us to snack on.ö

ôFine,ö I said, though I quite liked the idea of snacking on some tasty leftovers. Then again, Brutus was my friend, and it sounded as if he could really use a helping paw tonight. ôIÆll do it. But what if she hasnÆt canceled her account? Then what?ö

ôI-I donÆt know.ö He eyed me uncertainly. ôWhat do you think I should do?ö

ôLetÆs not get ahead of ourselves. For all we know she has canceled her account.ö

ôOf course she has,ö he said, relaxing. ôHarriet wouldnÆt lie to me. I trust her.ö

Somehow, though, it didnÆt exactly sound as if he believed this himself.

As usual, cat choir was a pleasant enough affair. Shanille had a new song for us to try out. It was the theme fromCats, which is a musical about cats, apparently, and also a movie. I was fine with it, though some of our members werenÆt, since they felt that no human could accurately capture the essence of cathood and so we shouldnÆt dignify this Andrew Lloyd Webber, who was an Englishman to boot, by putting our not inconsiderate talent at his disposal. Apparently this was a case of blatant cultural appropriation, a sin akin to murder. The words æprostitutionÆ and ædegradingÆ were freely bandied about before Shanille finally said, quite rightly, I thought, ôIÆm the conductor here, soIÆm the one who decides, and IÆve decided that tonight weÆre singingCats,cultural appropriation or not!ö

ôArenÆt we always singing cats, Max?ö asked Dooley.

ôYes, but tonight weÆre singing cats that are singingCats,ö I said, earning myself a confused frown from my best friend. I didnÆt blame him. It was all very complicated.

For one thing, apparently in this musical it was actually humans pretending to be cats, by putting on costumes and wearing makeup and such. So now we were cats pretending to be humans pretending to be cats. I think no one could blame me for feeling an identity crisis coming on. It was the cultural appropriation of the cultural appropriation by the culturally appropriated, which probably canceled the whole thing out. Or something.

And then of course there was the murder case I was still struggling with. The identity of Valina FawnÆs murderer wasnÆt anywhere near being revealed to us, even after all the interviews Odelia and Chase had carried out. On the contrary. The more people we talked to, the muddier the whole thing seemed to become.

Then again, in this stage of the proceedings, that was often the case.

And weÆd just taken our positions, when suddenly a loud voice started tweeting in our rear.

ôHarriet, oh, sweet Harriet,ö the voice sounded. ôYou are mine and I am yours forever!ö

We all turned to see, and found ourselves staring at none other than Jack the sparrow, perched on an overhanging branch, and singing his heart out and serenading Harriet!

ôOh, not you again!ö Harriet cried, looking extremely embarrassed.

ôBut I love you!ö said the tiny brown sparrow. ôOur love is written in the stars!ö

Dooley glanced up at this, inspecting the stars for a sign of this unusual love.

ôI didnÆt know you had a new boyfriend, Harriet?ö said Shanille, who seemed to think the whole thing hilarious.

ôHe is not my boyfriend,ö Harriet said through gritted teeth.

ôI am your bird-friend!ö Jack cried. ôYour one true love!ö

ôOh, go away,ö said Harriet. ôGo tweet somewhere else.ö

ôI wonÆt be apart from you, Harriet,ö Jack replied, pressing a tiny foot to his tiny chest. ôFrom now on weÆll never be apart again. Our love will stand the test of timeùforever.ö

ôOh, God,ö Harriet muttered, closing her eyes.

ôI didnÆt know you were into birds?ö said Shanille, grinning wickedly.

ôIÆm not,ö Harriet snapped. ôAnd now could we please take it from the top!ö

ôHe looks yummy,ö said Kingman, whoÆs one of our larger members. He was licking his lips at the sight of Jack tweeting up a storm now, doing his utmost to let his love be known to all the world. ôNot much flesh to his bones, maybe, but a nice dessert nonetheless.ö

ôPlease donÆt eat him, Kingman,ö I said. ôCanÆt you see the bird is in love?ö

ôSo? It might add to his aroma.ö

Harriet, absolutely mortified now, as the entire cat congregation of Hampton Cove was all atwitter and loudly chuckling and cracking off-color jokes at her expense, now hissed,ôJack! Go away! Before one of these cats gets it into their nut to come up there and eat you!ö

ôSee!ö Jack twittered. ôYou do love me. Otherwise you wouldnÆt try to save me!ö

ôNobody try to eat HarrietÆs new boyfriend!ö Shanille called out, a smirk on her face.

ôHow many times?! HeÆs not my boyfriend!ö Harriet snapped.

Some cats were making kissy noises now, and it was obvious the thing was quickly getting out of paw. Jack, oblivious to the turmoil he was causing in the heart of cat choir, simply kept on tweeting loudly, and declaring his undying love for our Persian friend.

Finally Kingman couldnÆt control himself any longer, and started to climb the tree Jack was perched in. He got as far as the first branch, then got stuck. ôHeeeeelp! Someone save me!ö he bleated.

ôJust jump, Kingman,ö I said. ôYouÆre not that high up.ö

ôIÆm afraid to, Max! Please do something!ö

To add insult to injury, Jack had now tiptoed down the branch until he was almost within reach of Kingman, who was holding onto the branch for dear life, and eyed the cat with beady eyes.ôAre you a friend of Harriet, sir?ö the tiny sparrow asked, cocking his head just so.

Kingman nodded staunchly.ôI am. One of her best friends.ö

ôThatÆs all right, then. Any friend of my one true love is a friend of mine,ö said Jack.

Kingman glanced down, then swallowed with difficulty.ôGood to know.ö

ôAnd if you want, I can show you how to get down from this tree.ö

ôOh, would you? ThatÆs so very kind of you, Mr. Bird.ö

ôThe name is Jack,ö said Jack. ôJack the sparrow.ö

ôOdd,ö said Kingman, frowning. ôThat name rings a bell for some reason. So how do I get down from here, Jack?ö

ôYou simply spread your wings and fly!ö Jack cried, and to show us how it was done, he did just that. He spread his wings, fluttered up to Kingman, who started violently, uttered a sort of high cry of shockà and dropped down from the tree.

Luckily he landed on all fours, and after checking himself for any sign of injuries, gave Jack a very frosty look.ôThanks for nothing, buddy!ö he yelled, shaking an irate fist.

ôYouÆre welcome, friend of Harriet,ö said Jack, fully oblivious of the catÆs ire. ôAnd remember: love is always the way!ö

And then, much to HarrietÆs elation, he flew off.

ôI donÆt like your new boyfriend, Harriet,ö Kingman grumbled, starting to lick himself.

ôHe is not my boyfriend!ö Harriet screamed.

Next to me, Brutus had silently materialized. He now gave me a nudge.ôCheck that tablet, Max. Somehow I have a feeling the lady doth protest too much!ö

And so it was that I suddenly realized IÆd landed myself in the middle of a scene that could have featured inCats! So maybe this Andrew Lloyd Webber fellow had indeed taken the measure of a cat: drama, more dramaà and yet even more drama.

Chapter 17

The next morning, the investigation continued, and we found ourselves back in the offices of Valina Fawn. ValinaÆs office was still off limits, with yellow crime scene tape attached to the door, and the person we were there to see this time was Meghan Fray, ValinaÆs personal assistant.

After going through both membership lists of the Brookwell Archery Club and the dating site, an eagle-eyed member of ChaseÆs team had discovered another overlap between the two lists: Valina Fawn herself.

ôOh, absolutely,ö said Meghan when questioned about her deceased bossÆs fondness for the sport of archery. ôShe went there all the time. Though if you ask me, she wasnÆt into the sport itself but more into one of the club members.ö She arched a meaningful and finely penciled eyebrow at this.

ôYou mean Valina was having an affair with one of BrookwellÆs members?ö asked Odelia, immediately interested.

ôOh, yes, and a pretty torrid one from the looks of things. I caught them at it, you see. Right here in her office. I was working late one night and IÆd gone to the bathroom. When I came back I heard sounds of a coupleà well, going at it, to put it bluntly. I think he must have come in and figured IÆd already left and they were alone in the building.ö

ôSo you discreetly left and made sure you gave your boss the privacy you felt she deserved,ö said Chase dryly.

Meghan shot him anæare you kidding meÆ look and said, ôI went into the adjacent office and quietly opened the door to take a peek. I mean what else do you expect me to do? Valina had just told me that after running a dating site for years she didnÆt believe in love anymore, and how sheÆd decided she was going to remain single for the rest of her life. And now here she was, moaning down the whole building!ö

ôAnd so what did you see?ö asked Odelia eagerly.

ôNorwell Kulhanek.ö

ôYou gotta be kidding!ö

ôNo, I swear to God! They were on her desk doingùö

ôYes, yes, we donÆt need to hear all the sordid details,ö said Chase. ôSo Valina and Norwell were an item? Are you sure?ö

ôAbsolutely. Though for what itÆs worth, it didnÆt last long. This was about a month ago, and a week later they fell out. Huge fight.ö

ôWhat about?ö

ôIÆm not sure, but IÆm guessing she probably dumped him and he didnÆt take it well.ö She gave Odelia a knowing look. ôWe all know that men have a very fragile ego, and NorwellÆs ego is as fragile as a birdÆs egg. So if she dumped him, he probably blew up.ö

ôI see,ö said Chase, nodding.

ôBut what did he expect? The guy is married, after all. With two kids, no less. He probably wanted more than just a casual fling and she told him she wasnÆt interested. Valina may have been a lot of things, but she wasnÆt a homewrecker, whatever people say.ö

ôIs he in, Norwell?ö asked Chase.

ôNah, heÆs in New York today. Meeting with investors. HeÆs trying to salvage whatÆs left of the site now that ValinaÆs gone.ö She sighed. ôFat lot of good thatÆll do. This place is a goner, from what I can tell. Valina was the heart and soul of this place. With her dead itÆs just an empty shell. If IÆm smart IÆll pack my bags and quit while I still can. Pretty soon the last of the money will run out and I can say goodbye to any severance pay.ö

ôThank you for telling us, Meghan,ö said Odelia. ôBut why didnÆt you mention this yesterday?ö

Meghan shrugged.ôI didnÆt think it was important. But then I spent all last night thinking things through, and finally I figured that maybe heÆs the one that did her in, you know. If he took her breaking things off badly, he might have decided that if he couldnÆt have her, no one would.ö

ôItÆs a thought,ö Odelia admitted, ôthough the man has a solid alibi. His wife claims he was home all night.ö

ôMh,ö said Meghan, giving Odelia a skeptical look.

ôYou think she might be lying?ö

ôWouldnÆt be the first wife caught in a lie, would she? I know women like Emma Kulhanek. They know full well that their husband is a liar and a cheat but still they stand by him whatever happens. Some twisted idea of loyalty. Hoping heÆll reward them for their lies by staying with them. Whichof course they never do. Oh, by the way, I found this on my desk this morning.ö She produced a key card and handed it to Chase.

ôThis is NorwellÆs key card,ö the cop said with a frown.

ôYeah, you told me yesterday it had gone missing, remember?ö

ôWhere did you find it, exactly?ö

ôOn my desk. Someone must have found it and dropped it there.ö

ôAny idea who?ö

She shook her head.ôNo idea. One of the cleaners, maybe?ö

Chase nodded.ôThanks, Meghan.ö

ôYouÆre welcome.ö She gave him a fervent look. ôI really hope you catch the bastard that did this. Valina wasnÆt everyoneÆs cup of tea, but I liked her. She was tough to work for, but fair. She always treated me like a human being, you know, not like some slave.ö She frowned, dragginga groove across her smooth brow. ôThatÆs probably what killed her.ö

ôWhat is?ö

ôValina was nobodyÆs fool. She was a self-made woman who turned this site into a great success. And if thereÆs one thing a lot of men donÆt like, itÆs a successful woman.ö

ôYou think the hack and the murder are connected?ö asked Odelia.

ôWouldnÆt surprise me one bit. First they destroy her business, then they destroy her.ö She nodded. ôIf I were you, IÆd take a close look at Norwell, whatever his wife says.ö

And talking about the devil, just then Norwell came breezing into the office, looking pale and tired.

Which was exactly the time to pounce on the man. Or so Chase must have thought, for he didnÆt even allow the guy to shrug out of his coat.

ôA word, please, Mr. Kulhanek?ö the cop said immediately.

The man looked annoyed.ôCanÆt we do this later? I just returned from a grueling commute and an even more grueling meeting.ö

But Chase fixed him with a piercing look.ôNow, Mr. Kulhanek.ö

Norwell swallowed, then nodded.ôLetÆs go into my office,ö he said, darting a quick glance to Meghan, who regarded the man coldly.

Chapter 18

ôWe found this,ö said Chase, placing the key card on the manÆs desk. The cop had put the card in a small plastic bag, and Norwell now picked it up.

ôMy key card,ö he said, fingering the trifle. ôWhere did you find it?ö

ôIt was on Meghan FrayÆs desk this morning when she arrived for work. Did you put it there?ö

ôMe? I told you I lost it.ö

ôSo you say,ö said Chase. ôIs it true, Mr. Kulhanek, that you and Valina Fawn were having an affair until three weeks ago?ö

ôAn affair!ö the man cried, clearly taken aback. ôWho gave you that idea?ö

But Chase and Odelia were both staring at the man intently.

ôOf course I wasnÆt having an affair. IÆm a happily married man, detective.ö

ôAnd yet we have a witness who saw you and Valina engaged in what can only be described as a lovers clinch one late night at the office about a month ago.ö

Norwell gulped, as his eyes nervously shifted between Chase and Odelia.ôI donÆt know what to say,ö he finally said.

ôPlease donÆt lie to us, Mr. Kulhanek,ö said Chase quietly but with a hint of menace.

ôIÆm notàö He gulped again, then glanced to a portrait of himself with his wife and their two kids. They were two girls, kindergartners still. ôLookà can Ià count on your discretion?ö

ôThat depends.ö

ôOn what?ö

ôOn whether your affair has any bearing on our investigation.ö

ôI canÆt see how it does.ö

ôSo you admit you and Valina were having an affair.ö

He lowered his gaze and slowly nodded.

ôHow long did this affair last?ö

ôNot long. A couple of weeksùa month, maybe. I wouldnÆt even call it an affair. Weà just got together a few times. Always at the office, and always after hours. I guessà the stress of trying to build the siteà it drew us close together. And we both needed some kind of release, I guess you could call it. It was just a physical thingùnothing more.ö

ôAnd yet when Valina broke it off you blew up, didnÆt you? Became very upset.ö

ôWho told youàö

ôThe truth this time, Norwell!ö

ôYes, yesùI did get upset when she told me she wanted to end it. I thought sheÆd developed feelings for me, you see, and when she said it was purely physical from her side, I justà lost it, I guess.ö

ôAnd so you decided to kill her, didnÆt you? For making a fool out of you!ö

The man looked up, his lips quivering.ôNo! No, of course not!ö

ôYouÆre lying again, Norwell.ö

ôNo, IÆm telling you the truth! I didnÆt kill her. Okay, so I was upset. Who wouldnÆt be? I thought she liked me. But she just used me. Like a plaything. Some toy she fooled around with for a while, until she got tired and brushed me aside. I felt hurt andà humiliated and angry, yes. But I would never harm her. Ià well, I loved her,ö he concluded quietly.

ôWhat about your wife?ö

ôI love my wife,ö he said staunchly. ôBut in a different way. More likeà a friend.ö

ôA friend.ö

ôYes! I donÆt know how long youÆve been married, detective, but after a while that passion, it just fizzles out, and is replaced by a deep, abiding feeling of kinship. But sometimes a man needs to feel that heatùthat animal lust. And thatÆs what I felt with Valina. Oh, God, the woman drove me mad. But I was never going to leave Emma. I mean, we have two kids, for GodÆs sake. WeÆve built something togetherùa family. A home.ö

ôA home you couldnÆt wait to leave so you could play out your fantasy with your boss,ö said Chase tersely.

ôValina wasnÆt my boss. We were partners,ö said Norwell. ôEquals.ö

ôI think you better tell us exactly what happened two nights ago,ö said Odelia gently. ôAnd this time no lies please, Norwell.ö

The IT man nodded.ôI was upset, because of the hack, but also about the fact that since Valina had broken up with me there was this distance between us. This cold civility. I desperately wanted to see her. Let her know how I felt. So I went down to the office.ö

ôWhat time was this?ö asked Chase.

ôMidnight. Em had just gone to bed. IÆd told her IÆd sleep in the spare bedroom so I wouldnÆt wake her up. She had to get up early, you see. She was working in the morning, same as me, but also had to get the kids ready for school. Just after midnight I just couldnÆt take it anymore. I had to see Valina. So I headed down to the office, knowing sheÆd probably still be there. Only when I arrived, I discovered IÆd left my key card at homeùor at least I thought I had. So I phoned her.ö

ôValina.ö

ôBut she didnÆt pick up. I could see that the light in her office was on, so I figured she was still mad with me about the hack. I stuck around for a while.ö He hesitated, looking shamefaced now. ôLike some stupid schoolboy I even threw pebbles at her window, hoping sheÆd let me in. But there was no response, so then I decided I was acting like an idiot, got into my car and left. I ended up driving around for a while, then went home.ö

ôSo Emma lied when she said you were home all night.ö

ôShe wouldnÆt have known I left. I was careful not to make a sound.ö

ôWouldnÆt she have heard you taking the car out of the garage?ö

ôI parked the car on the street.ö

ôSo you knew you were going out again. YouÆd planned this out before.ö

He nodded, not meeting their eyes.ôI already told you. I felt this overpowering urge to talk to Valina without anyone else present. I thought if I could just see herùjust the two of usùmaybe things between us could be like before, you know.ö

Chase eyed the man with no sign of compassion.ôI think youÆre still lying, Norwell. I think you entered the building that night, and tried to patch things up with Valina. Maybe you got rough when she told you that it was over. And this time you killed her, placing that Cupid doll on her body to make it look as if a disgruntled client or investor had done it.ö

ôNo!ö said Norwell. ôI swear I would never hurt her. I loved her too much. Adored her. And now sheÆs goneà and IÆll never be able to hold her in my arms again.ö And at this point, the man broke down and started weeping like a child.

For a moment Chase was torn between placing handcuffs on the man, or handing him a tissue. Finally he opted for a tissue, and when we left the office, Norwell was still sobbing, the broken wreck of a man.

Chapter 19

ôI donÆt think IÆve ever seen a man cry like that, Max,ö said Dooley. ôI didnÆt even know that men could cry.ö

ôOf course men can cry,ö I said.

ôI thought they didnÆt have tear ducts. If you donÆt have tear ducts, you canÆt cry.ö

ôNow why wouldnÆt men have tear ducts?ö

Dooley shrugged.ôI just figure men are different, you know. Less sensitive.ö

ôMen might like to think that theyÆre impervious to the finer feelings, but theyÆre not,ö I said. ôJust look at Brutus. He was crying last night, wasnÆt he?ö

ôYes, but Brutus is not a man, heÆs a cat.ö

Now there was a sample of sound reasoning I couldnÆt argue with. When weÆd arrived home last night, well ahead of Harriet and Brutus, IÆd checked HarrietÆs tablet, and discovered that contrary to what sheÆd claimed, she hadnÆt canceled her Pettr account. On the contrary, I could tell that sheÆd been very active, chatting with severalpets that might be described as æboyfriend materialÆ by connoisseurs. When I subsequently told Brutus, his eyes had gone all moist, and more than one tear had flowed from his eyes.

ôBut why, Max!ö heÆd cried. ôWhy did she deceive me!ö

ôIÆm not sure,ö I said. ôThough her chats are all pretty innocuous if you ask me. Just your usual æHi, how are youÆ kind of stuff. Nothing too passionate or suspicious.ö

ôStill,ö he said quietly, and had then sort of slumped off, the picture of a broken cat.

ôPoor Brutus,ö said Dooley now. ôIt must be tough for him to know that Harriet is cheating on him with some other cat.ö

ôWe donÆt know that, Dooley,ö I said. ôAll we know for sure is that sheÆs on Pettr and has been chatting up a storm with several potential suitors.ö

ôMaybe sheÆs like Norwell: she feels Brutus is more like a friend than a boyfriend after all the time theyÆve been together. Like a warm blanket at night, you know, or a hot-water bottle, but not exactly the kind of lover that sets your heart and soul alight.ö

I frowned at my friend.ôPlease donÆt mention your æhot-water bottleÆ theory to Brutus. Unless you want to make him cry again.ö

ôOh, of course not. Though itÆs obvious we have to do something, Max. After all, if Harriet decides to get involved with another cat, things are going to get very awkward for all of us.ö

The thought had occurred to me. ItÆs hard to go from being a couple to being mere friends, especially when youÆre living together under the same roof. And even harder when a fifth member would suddenly insert themselves into our lives.

The car was speeding along, though Chase made sure, as he always did, to respect the speed limit. Which is odd, since as a cop he is allowed to switch on that flashy thing and proceed through traffic at a high rate of speed. But I guess we werenÆt in a high-speed pursuit right now, chasing some suspect, so a more pedestrian pace was satisfactory.

ôWe should talk to Harriet,ö said Dooley now. ôAnd find out whatÆs going on.ö

ôI know, but first we need to make sure we catch her alone. It might be awkward if Brutus is there. And besides, sheÆll probably go for staunch denial if we confront her.ö

ôSo we have to break her down, Max. WeÆll have to take a page from ChaseÆs book. Like he broke down Norwell, and made him tell the truth, we have to make Harriet confess all.ö

ôAnd how do you propose we do that? Harriet is no Norwell Kulhanek, Dooley. SheÆs made of much sterner stuff. In fact the only way you break down HarrietÆs defense is if youÆre a man of iron.ö Or a cat of iron, for that matter.

ôSo we adopt the good cop, bad cop routine. YouÆll be the good cop, and IÆll be the bad one.ö

I studied my friend. His natural cheerfulness, his guileless countenance.ôWhat makes you think you can be the bad cop?ö I asked finally.

ôItÆs all about throwing Harriet off balance, Max,ö he said, his excitement palpable. ôIf youÆre going to start shouting at her, sheÆll simply brush you off, since sheÆs used to that kind of behavior. But what if I start shouting at her? SheÆll be so shocked sheÆll immediately break down and tell us everything.ö

ôMh,ö I said, not fully convinced, though I could see where he was coming from. The surprise attack.

ôJust you wait and see. IÆll make her talk.ö

I smiled.ôTough guy, huh?ö I said.

ôYou better believe it!ö And he gave me a sort of Clint Eastwood squint. Though coming from him it looked more as if he had something in his eyes. Like a fruit fly.

WeÆd arrived at what looked like a school, and when I looked closer I saw that indeed it was such an institution, for I saw several hundred kids milling about behind a fence. There was of course a chance that it was a POW camp, but even though they looked pretty bored and bad-tempered, they also looked too well fed and well-dressed to be inmates.

ôWhat are we doing here?ö I asked Odelia, for I may be a broad-minded cat, able to get along with any creature, from rat to raven, but I firmly draw the line at teenagers, which are possibly the most noxious species ever created by an otherwise benevolent God.

ôWeÆre going to have another chat with Emma Kulhanek,ö Odelia explained.

Of course. Emma was a teacher, wasnÆt she? And what better place to interview a teacher than in their natural habitat?

We passed through long, deserted corridors, filled with lockers and that strange odor that your garden-variety teenager spreads: a certain mustiness mixed with cheap deodorant, until we found the teacherÆs room. We patiently waited outside, while Chase ventured into the lionÆs den, and soon returned with Emma, who looked appropriately concerned. When the constabulary pays you a visit at work, it must be serious.

ôWhatÆs wrong?ö she asked immediately, and I could tell she knew Odelia hadnÆt come here to discuss the next book club meeting.

She led us into an empty classroom, which was filled with all manner of strange contraption: test tubes and glass jars filled with mysterious liquids, and we all took a seat around a student desk. Or at least the humans took their seats, while Dooley and I decided to inspect the classroom, going for a clockwise inspection along the perimeter, as cats do.

And while we sniffed all the peculiar odors that permeated the space, Chase launched his first salvo.ôYou lied to us, Emma. Norwell wasnÆt home all night like you said. He left the house at midnight and didnÆt return until much later.ö

EmmaÆs mouth opened and then closed again, fear etched on her features and reflected in her eyes. ôI-I-I,ö she stutteredùnever a good sign.

ôDid you know he left the house?ö asked Odelia, adopting a kinder tone.

Tears had suddenly sprung into EmmaÆs eyes and she now pressed them closed and nodded furiously.

ôSo why didnÆt you tell us?ö

ôI thought if I did, it might cause trouble for Norwell.ö

ôBy not telling us you caused a lot more trouble for your husband,ö said Chase sternly.

ôI know. IÆm sorry.ö

ôSo tell us what actually happened that night,ö said Odelia.

Dooley and I had returned from our inspection and now sat at the womanÆs feet, studying her intently. They say you can tell if a person lies from the tone of their voice and their facial expression, but IÆve found that this isnÆt necessarily true. There are some skilled liars out there, who can look and sound truthful while still concocting one lie after another. Still, I like to think IÆm as fine a feline lie detector as has ever walked the earth, and I was determined to put my skill to the test now.

ôNorwell had told me he was going to work late, and not to wait up. So IÆd gone to bed and fallen asleep. I woke up in the middle of the night, and when I looked at my alarm clock I saw that it was close to two oÆclock. I heard a key in the lock, and then I heard how Norwell walked up the stairs and went into the bathroom, then into the spare bedroom. So I knew heÆd left the house at some point.ö She directed a pleading look at Odelia. ôBut I swear I didnÆt know where heÆd gone.ö

ôYou didnÆt ask him about it in the morning?ö

She shook her head.ôI just figured heÆd gone for a walk. HeÆs been under a lot of pressure lately, with this hack, and heÆs been working much too hard. I didnÆt want to add more pressure by questioning him.ö

ôBut when you heard about what happened to Valina you must have wondered, surely,ö said Chase.

ôI did, but thereÆs simply no way that Norwell would do a horrible thing like that. HeÆs a sweet man. He canÆt even kill a spider. He always captures it in a jar and puts it out.ö

ôThere are serial killers out there that wouldnÆt hurt a fly,ö said Chase, ôbut donÆt bat an eye when theyÆre filleting a human being or burying a person alive.ö

ôNorwell isnÆt a serial killer, detective. HeÆs a good, kind man. A wonderful husband and a great father. So to think that he could murderà ItÆs simply beyond the realm of possibility.ö

Chase and Odelia shared a glance, then decided to lay all of their cards on the table. It was simply too important to ignore.ôThis may come as a shock to you, Emma,ö said Chase, ôbut weÆve just discovered this morning that Norwell and Valina were having an affair.ö

EmmaÆs eyes went wide as saucers, and her face drained of blood, turning a sickly white. ôW-w-what?ö she stammered as she brought a distraught hand to her mouth.

ôThe affair ended three weeks ago,ö said Odelia. ôBy all accounts it was a brief fling.ö

ôAt least to Valina it was a fling,ö said Chase, intent on twisting the knife. ôTo Norwell it was more than a fling, and he was clearly heartbroken when Valina ended it.ö

ôButùsurely thatÆs not possible,ö said Emma. ôYouÆre not serious?ö

ôIÆm afraid we are,ö said Odelia kindly. SheÆd placed a hand on the other womanÆs arm.

EmmaÆs eyes now turned to the window, but it was clear she wasnÆt seeing the clear blue sky or even the sun as it rose ever tirelessly higher. Her skin had become almost translucent now, and I had the impression she was on the verge of a nervous collapse.

ôI donÆt understand,ö she said finally, a wobble in her voice. ôNorwell andà Valina?ö

Odelia nodded.ôIÆm sorry we had to spring this on you, Emma, but itÆs important that you tell us if you knew about the affair? Ever noticed anything? Strange phone calls, maybe, or Norwell hiding things from you?ö

But Emma was shaking her head, and it was obvious that this had come as a complete surprise to her.ôI thought he didnÆt like her,ö she said finally. ôI thought they were like cats and dogs. Always arguing, at loggerheads. I even told him he should be more kind to her. Suggested we all have dinner together one night. That it was important they get along. And all this timeàö Her voice died away.

ôCould be that he simply pretended to dislike her,ö said Chase. ôClassic trick of a person trying to hide an affair. Make you think they donÆt like the other person.ö

ôShe was tough on him,ö said Emma, trying to collect herself with a powerful effort. ôExtremely critical of his work. But then again, thatÆs simply how she was, Valina. She was a very demanding person, not just for others but also for herself. Nothing was ever good enough. She really pushedherself, and others, to the limit. I felt bad for the people who worked for her, Norwell included.ö She looked up. ôI spearhead the anti-bullying campaign here at school, you see. ItÆs very important for us to make these kids aware that bullying simply wonÆt do, and we strive hard to make this a school that says no to bullies. ItÆs a project thatÆs very close to my heart, and so when I heard Norwell complain about Valina, I never imagined they wouldàö Tears sprang to her eyes afresh. ôThat they wereàö

ôItÆs all right,ö said Odelia, rubbing the womanÆs back.

ôOh, God,ö sobbed Emma, and I saw we were in hugging territory now. Not one of my strong suits, I must admit. Still, I could tell that the woman wasnÆt deceitful in the slightest, and so I decided to do my bit and gave her a nudge against the leg and so did Dooley.

ôPoor woman,ö said Dooley once Chase had been dispatched to forage around for a box of tissues. ôItÆs just one shock after another, isnÆt it?ö

ôYeah, must be terrible to find out about your husbandÆs unfaithfulness this way.ö

Then again, any way to find out something like that is bad, of course.

ôDo you think theyÆll get a divorce now, Max?ö

ôI donÆt know, Dooley. They might patch things up again, you know. Human relationships are resilient. It all depends how deep NorwellÆs feelings for Valina were.ö

A couple of kids had drifted into the classroom, and when they saw their teacherÆs tears, just stood there gawking for a moment, like cows at a train, but then Chase returned, and wasted no time turning the kids away again and closing the door.

The last thing Emma needed was for her students to find out about this cheating business.

After we left, impressing upon the woman to get in touch when she could think of anything that might shed more light on her husbandÆs behavior toward Valina, we drifted through those same corridors again, only this time they were being overrun with more teenagers than IÆd ever seen in my life. I must say IÆm not a scaredy cat by any means, but when I saw that mass of seething teens, I momentarily feared for my life. Whenthey saw us, they jeered, they pointed, they called us some very unkind names, and generally they seemed to think us the funniest double act since Laurel and Hardy, for they couldnÆt stop laughing all the way until we finally reached safety and burst out into the open again.

ôThose were probably the scariest ten minutes of my entire life,ö I confessed to Dooley.

ôMe, too!ö Dooley cried.

ôTeenagers are the worst.ö

ôWorse than vampires or zombies?ö

ôThereÆs no such thing as vampires or zombies, Dooley.ö

ôIf there were, I think IÆd prefer their company to teenagers every day, Max.ö

The most important thing was that weÆd entered the pit of doom and made it out in one piece. Poor Emma, though. She was still in there. Worse, she was in there every day!

What a brave soul. To risk life and limb on a daily basis to try and turn a bunch of hormonal hooligans into more or less decent human beings. Talk about a mission impossible!

Chapter 20

WeÆd only just returned to the safety of the car, when a call came in about a domestic disturbance.

ôTen-seven,ö GranÆs voice crackled over the radio. ôCome in, over.ö

ôYes, this is Chase, Vesta,ö said Chase with a grin to Odelia. ôWhat seems to be the trouble?ö

ôThereÆs a couple trying to kill each other on Beneficent Avenue. I think youÆd better take a look before one of them draws blood.ö

ôGot a name for me?ö asked Chase as he turned the key in the ignition.

There was silence on the other end, then:ôAre you trying to be funny, sonny? This is Vesta. And if you donÆt know my name by now, I think itÆs high time that you learned it.ö

ôNot your name, Gran,ö said Odelia, speaking into the receiver. ôThe name of the people involved in the domestic dispute.ö

ôOh, right. Umàö There was a rustle of paper as she consulted her notes. ôThatÆs a Lynnette and Franco Say. And according to the neighbor who called it in, Lynnette was heard threatening her husband. The words æcheat,Æ æax, æchopÆ and ænutsÆ were mentioned.ö

ôGot it,ö said Chase. ôWeÆre heading out there now.ö

ôTen-thirteen,ö said Gran, and disconnected.

ôWhatÆs ten-thirteen?ö asked Odelia. ôOr ten-seven?ö

ôTen-thirteen is the weather-road report and ten-seven is out of service.ö He grinned. ôLooks like sheÆs got her numbers mixed up.ö

This time Chase did turn on that flashy light, and even the siren, and as we zoomed through traffic, zigzagging where zigzagging was required, and going at breakneck speed where possible, we made good time.

ôIsnÆt Lynnette Say a member of MargeÆs book club?ö asked Dooley as we held on for dear life, embedding our nails deeply into the backseat as one is wont to do under these hair-raising circumstances.

ôYeah, she is. SheÆs the one who said that if a man cheats on a woman itÆs her own darn fault, because she didnÆt give him what he needed, or something along those lines.ö

ôInteresting,ö said Dooley. ôI wonder what Lynnette didnÆt give Franco that he would have cheated on her. Enough potatoes during dinner, maybe, or a lack of attention?ö

ôIn my experience, Dooley, a woman can give a man everything he needs and more and he still might cheat on her.ö

ôSo are all men cheaters, Max, do you think?ö

ôI donÆt know, Dooley, but IÆm starting to lean toward that point of view.ö

What was obvious was that the hack of ValinaÆs site had revealed a seedy underbelly to our local community that was far more shocking than anyone might have assumed.

It didnÆt take us long to arrive at the street where the Says lived, and even as we got out of the car, we could already see a small group of neighbors having gathered on the front lawn, and could hear Mr. and Mrs. Say exchanging some particularly harsh words.

ôYouÆre a dirty rotten bastard, Franco Say!ö Lynnette was saying.

ôPlease let me explain, Lynnette!ö Franco said.

ôI donÆt want to hear it!ö

We hurriedly rounded the house, and found the feuding couple in the backyard, with a stocky neighbor merely dressed in cargo shorts and a sleeveless T-shirt watching on stoically.ôI found them in bed together,ö the man now announced. ôHim and my wife.ö

ôHow could you do this to me!ö Lynnette howled, then made to attack her husband. Chase held her back, and I saw that the cowering Franco had already sustained some injuries: he had a black eye, and several bloodied scratches on his face. Clearly weÆd gotten there just in time to prevent more serious damage to be sustained by either party.

Odelia led Lynnette away from her husband, and the woman broke down on a lounge chair next to the pool.ôRex found Franco in bed with Marcie,ö she explained, ôand called me. Looks like itÆs been going on for some time.ö

ôMarcie isàö

ôRexÆs wife.ö

ôIs he the one who gave Franco that black eye?ö

Lynnette nodded.ôHe should have given him two black eyes. And you know the worst part? HeÆs not even sorry! Said itÆs only natural for a man to have urges. Urges!ö

ôThere, there,ö said Odelia, patting the womanÆs arm. SheÆd squatted next to the lounge chair and now glanced over to where Chase was talking to her husband. Franco was pressing a piece of cloth to his bruised and scratched face, the neighbor still looking on with that same stoic expressionon his face, as if this was a regular thing for him.

ôWhat do you want to do, Lynnette?ö asked Odelia. ôDo you want to stay here oràö

ôOf course IÆm going to stay here! You are going to arrest him, arenÆt you? Lock him up?ö She darted a hopeful look in ChaseÆs direction.

ôAdultery is not a punishable offense,ö Odelia pointed out.

ôWell, it should be! That man deserves to be hung, drawn and quartered!ö

It took a while for the mess to be sorted out, but finally Franco agreed to go and stay with his brother, while Lynnette would stay on at the house. The coupleÆs kids were at school, so it was important that one of their parents was there when they arrived home.

Lynnette now burst into tears and Franco cried,ôIÆm sorry, Lynn! It was an accident!ö

ôOf course it was,ö said the neighbor, still leaning over the fence. ôHe accidentally fell into my bed and on top of my wife.ö

We watched Franco drive off, and then took leave ourselves. And we had just stepped into the car, when the radio crackled to life once more.

ôTen-forty-five,ö GranÆs irascible voice sounded. ôCome in, over.ö

ôWhat is it, Vesta?ö asked Chase, grabbing the receiver.

ôGot another one for you.ö

ôAnother what?ö

ôAnother ten-fifty-four!ö

Chase grinned.ôAnimal carcass on the road? Or livestock on the highway?ö

ôWhat are you talking about? Another couple threatening to kill each other. Carlotta and Dennis Brook over at the Brookwell Artery Club.ö

ôYou mean the archery club?ö

ôWhatever. I donÆt know if itÆs something in the water or what, but people are going nuts all over the place today.ö

ôWeÆll go and take a look,ö Chase acknowledged.

ôBetter get a move on. According to the guy who called it in she was threatening to shoot himùwith bow and arrow, if you please. Just like the Valina Fawn woman!ö

Chapter 21

As Vesta disconnected, she glanced over to Scarlett, who was watching a TikTok video of a dancing penguin.ôI donÆt know what this world is coming to,ö she grumbled. ôSecond domestic dispute of the day, and both of them members of my daughterÆs book club.ö

ôBad for your health, books,ö said Scarlett, without looking up.

ôSo how did I do?ö

ôWhat do you mean?ö

ôDid I show enough empathy, you reckon?ö

ôOh, sure,ö said Scarlett. ôThough maybe you shouldnÆt have told that first guy that the police canÆt be bothered with men cheating on their wives.ö

ôI didnÆt know she was trying to kill him, did I?ö

ôHoney, I think itÆs a safe bet that when they call 911 itÆs important. So next time you simply give them the benefit of the doubt, all right?ö

ôFine,ö she grouched. ôThis whole empathy business is a tough nut to crack.ö

ôHard to change a habit of a lifetime,ö Scarlett agreed. ôBut if anyone can do it, itÆs you.ö

ôGrrr,ö said Vesta. She wasnÆt fully convinced. In her view the world consisted of two kinds of people: the ones she liked and the ones she couldnÆt be bothered with. Unfortunately, and through no fault of her own, there were only a handful of the former, and a whole lot of the latter. It wasnÆt a judgment on her part, but simply the way the world worked. Some people would have called her a grinch, or even a misanthrope, but in actual fact she was simply a realist. Then again, it probably wasnÆt a bad idea to consider the notion that there were more good people out there than she had always thought.

A bold idea, but one she was willing to take into consideration. Especially now that she was the official Hampton Cove PD dispatcher. A job with responsibility and even, one might say, a certain authority. Almost like being a cop.

She perked up at this. WasnÆt being a cop like being the boss of all people? And being the boss, wasnÆt she entitled to the respect and the appreciation that came with the territory?

If that was true, she could probably afford to be a little nicer to people. After all, lions are known to be nice to any antelope crossing their path. Especially when theyÆve just started ripping it to shreds and snacking on its innards.

ôIÆm king of the world,ö she now murmured, earning herself a strange look from Scarlett, which she pointedly ignored. She could be nice. She grinned before herself, practicing her smile. It made her cheeks hurt for some reason. Probably because she was using muscles she hadnÆt practiced in years. Also, her dentures suddenly felt clickety.

ôWhy are you looking like a serial killer all of a sudden?ö asked Scarlett.

ôIÆm trying to be nice,ö said Vesta, grimacing even wider.

ôWell, donÆt,ö said Scarlett. ôYouÆre scaring me.ö

ôEveryoneÆs a critic,ö she grumbled.

[╩α≡≥ΦφΩα: img_2]

When we arrived at the Brookwell Archery Club, Mrs. Brook was standing perfectly poised with bow and arrow, the picture of the Olympic champion. Only she wasnÆt aiming at a target but at her husband, who stood, arms akimbo and sweating profusely, staring at his wife and either hoping sheÆd never discovered his infidelity, or wishing heÆd never been unfaithful in the first place.

ôCarlotta, please put down that bow,ö Chase called out.

Several club members stood watching the scene, some of them with their phones out, filming everything. Probably so they could later turn it into a funny TikTok movie.

ôHe needs to confess first!ö Carlotta said. ôAnd apologize for his appalling behavior!ö

ôLook, I admit I may have strayed from the straight and narrow!ö Dennis called out. ôBut only the one time!ö

ôYouÆre lying. I can see it in your eyes, Dennis.ö

ôIÆm not lying! Honestly!ö

ôHow many times?ö

ôOkay, so maybe it happened twice. But only twice!ö

ôLiar!ö

ôThree times!ö

ôHe sounds like an auctioneer, Max,ö said Dooley, very aptly I thought.

ôLiar!ö

ôFive times!ö he cried, his final offer.

ôWhere!ö Carlotta demanded.

ôIn the clubhouse,ö said Dennis.

ôDo you love her?ö

ôNo, of course not! I only love you, honey, you know that!ö

ôYou bastard!ö suddenly a voice sounded from the crowd of onlookers. It was a shortish woman dressed in a nice summer dress, showing a lot of tanned leg. ôYou told me you loved me! That you were going to divorce her and marry me!ö

ôTanya?ö said Carlotta, momentarily lowering her bow. ôIt was you?ö

ôIÆm sorry, Carlotta,ö said Tanya. ôHe told me you were over.ö

The former OlympianÆs expression hardened, and she now aimed at the woman whoÆd just spoken. ôI thought you were my friend!ö she cried.

ôI am your friend!ö Tanya cried. ôPlease donÆt shoot me!ö

ôPut down your weapon!ö Chase boomed, and this time his voice brooked no contest.

Carlotta wavered for a moment, then finally relented and relaxed the bowÆs string, lowering the arrow.

Both her husband and Tanya breathed a sigh of relief.

ôI swear to God itÆs over, Carlotta,ö said Dennis.

ôYou piece of shit!ö Tanya cried, and before anyone could stop her, had run over to Dennis and was pummeling the man with her fists, then kicking him where it hurt.

While Chase got busy releasing Dennis from his loverÆs fury, Odelia confiscated CarlottaÆs bow so she couldnÆt do any harm. And as she led Carlotta away, Chase talked to Dennis for a moment.

ôLook, you have to understand,ö said the guy, as he watched Tanya stalk off on a huff in the direction of the clubhouse. ôFor a man in my position itÆs important to maintain friendly relations with the clubÆs members. And sometimes you take things too far.ö He shrugged as he dusted himself off. ôIs it my fault that IÆm such a friendly guy?ö

ôSounds to me like you were a little too friendly,ö said Chase, giving the man a disapproving look. Then he glanced over to Carlotta. ôWhen did she find out?ö

ôThis morning. Tanya and I have been texting, and Carlotta must have seen a message come in on my phone. Stupid of me, of course. I should have kept a separate phone.ö ChaseÆs implacable and penetrating gaze must have hit its mark, for he amended, ôIÆm sorry. IÆm a big jerk, I know. AndthereÆs absolutely no excuse for my behavior.ö

ôNo, there isnÆt,ö said Chase, still staring the man down.

Dennis now cowered slightly, wilting under that basilisk stare.ôOkay, so I messed up! Show me the man who doesnÆt give in to temptation sometimes!ö

ôJust get lost, Dennis,ö Chase growled, and the man quickly skedaddled. A call now came in on ChaseÆs mobile, and he listened for a moment, then cursed under his breath. When Odelia finally joined him a few moments later, he said, ôTheyÆve found a bow and arrow in Lynnette and Franco SayÆs garden shed. TheyÆve arrested them both.ö

ôYou asked your people to search the shed?ö

Chase nodded.ôLooks like weÆve got more suspects now than we know what to do with, babe.ö He stared hard at Dennis Brook, then seemed to make up his mind and raised his phone to his lips again. ôSend a unit to the Brookwell Archery Club, will you? And take both Carlotta and Dennis Brook into custody on suspicion of the murder of Valina Fawn.ö

Chapter 22

The precinct lockup had rarely seen as much activity as it was seeing today: two couples had been arrested and placed in the station slammer, and now all four of those people had to be interviewed, a task that Chase was prepared to engage in with relish. But since the man couldnÆt very well clone himself, and time was obviously of the essence, Uncle Alec had agreed to share the burden.

ôTime you went to police academy and made things official,ö the Chief told his niece as he got ready to enter one of the interview rooms.

Odelia smiled at the big man.ôOr you could simply allow me to sit in on your interviews.ö

ôNo can do, IÆm afraid. As much as it pains me to say, youÆre not a cop, honey.ö He took a deep breath. ôWish me luck.ö

ôMaybe we should all go to police academy,ö said Dooley as we settled in to watch the interviews through the one-way mirror police stations the world over implement. ôThat way we could all wear our badges proudly and interview suspects whenever we want.ö

ôI donÆt think they allow cats at police academy, Dooley,ö I said. ôAnd besides, we could talk to suspects until weÆre blue in the face and it still wouldnÆt do us any good.ö Most humans, you see, stubbornly refuse to talk to cats for some reason. Only Odelia, Marge and Gran can understand us, though even they ignore us sometimes, when they donÆt like what we have to say.

Picture the scene if you will: on the left Chase was settling in to grill Franco Say, and on the right, Uncle Alec was shifting his bulk on his chair and making himself comfortable in front of Dennis Brook. Both men looked uneasy at the prospect of being interrogated, not as witnesses this time, but as full-blown suspects in a murder inquiry.

ôSo tell me, Franco,ö said Chase, opening proceedings, ôwhat that bow and those arrows were doing in your garden shed.ö

The man shrugged.ôJust some old junk we had lying around. IÆve been meaning to clean out the place for ages, only never got around to it, thatÆs all.ö

ôSo whoÆs the shooter in your family? You or Lynnette?ö

The man turned shifty-eyed.ôIs this a trick question? Do I need a lawyer?ö

ôOh, for crying out loud, Franco. Just answer the damn question, will you?ö

ôLynnetteÆs,ö said the man quietly. ôShe used to be a member at Brookwell but gave up years ago. Said it wreaked havoc on her wrists and so she stopped.ö

ôAnd how about you? Were you ever a member?ö

ôNah, not me. Though I did join her for a couple of club activities. Brunches and barbecues. Never found the whole shooting thing appealing. Never saw the point.ö

Dooley laughed at this.ôHe didnÆt see the point, Max. The point of the arrow!ö

ôVery funny, Dooley,ö I said, then strained my ears to follow the conversation.

ôSo letÆs talk about your infidelity for a moment,ö said Chase. ôYou and Marcia, huh?ö

Franco shrugged as he stared down at the table.ôNot my finest hour, I must admit.ö

ôHow did you hook up? Through Valina Fawn?ö

Franco looked up.ôWhat do you mean? The woman is my neighbor, for GodÆs sakes. I see her every day. And you gotta admit, detective, sheÆs one hell of a woman.ö

ôSheÆs also your neighborÆs wife.ö

ôYeah, I know, but she didnÆt seem to mind.ö

ôLynnette isnÆt so understanding, though, is she?ö

ôYou know what LynnetteÆs problem is? SheÆs tooà perfect! ThatÆs right. With Lynnette everything has to be just so, and that goes for everything in her life, including me. And frankly I just couldnÆt take it anymore, detective. And with Marcia thereÆs no pressure involved. She just likes me forà me. She doesnÆt want to change me, or make me look a certain way. With her itÆs just fun. Easy and fun. And my God, man, after twenty years of Lynnette fun and easy was like a breath of fresh air. Like being released from prison.ö

ôOkay, so I was having an affair,ö said Dennis Brook. ôBig deal. A man in my position, Chief, has certain responsibilities. People expect things from you when you run a club like Brookwell. They expect you to be sociable. A mixer, if you see what I mean. I was doing it for the club, for usùfor CarlottaÆs future and the future of the kids.ö

ôSo you cheated on your wife for her sake and for your kidsÆ sake?ö asked Uncle Alec, studying the man with a look of incredulity.

ôAbsolutely! Marriage is all about give and take, Chief. And engaging in close relations with certain female members of the club gave me the opportunity to give something of myself to the community Carlotta and I have built. And look what we got back in return: a thriving club, filled with happy members.ö

ôI canÆt imagine the husbands of the women you had affairs with are going to be so happy.ö

ôOh, but they are. You see, I made their wives happy, which is bound to make them happy. Well, as long as they donÆt find out, of course,ö he allowed. He frowned. ôTheyÆre not going to find out, are they, Chief? Cause that would probably ruin the ambiance.ö

ôIÆm afraid that ambiance was probably ruined when you and Carlotta argued about your cheating in front of the clubÆs entire membership roster, wouldnÆt you say?ö

Dennis thought about this for a moment.ôThat would be bad,ö he finally concluded.

Carlotta was still looking as seething with anger as she had before, only now her anger was directed at Uncle Alec instead of her husband.ôI canÆt believe you had me locked up like some common criminal!ö she cried, tapping the table with furious fingers. ôWhat did I do?!ö

ôFor one thing you threatened to kill your husband,ö said Uncle Alec, gazing back at the irate woman with absolute equanimity.

ôCan you blame me?! The man was cheating on me with my best friend!ö

ôMultiple of your best friends, from what I understood,ö said the police chief.

CarlottaÆs jaw dropped. ôWhat?ö

ôYour husband is a very generous man, Carlotta. And a very sociable man. He believes in spreading the joy, so he admitted to engaging in intimate relations with no less than a dozen female club members over the years.ö

CarlottaÆs mouth opened and closed a few times as her face turned slightly more red.

ôHe says he did it for the sake of the club,ö the Chief continued. ôAnd for you and the kids, of course. He says he believes in creating the perfect ambiance.ö

ôThe perfect ambiance!ö

Uncle Alec nodded, and I could tell from the twinkle in his eye he was enjoying himself.ôItÆs one way of looking at things, of course. And you have to admit he made a lot of people very happy over the years, by sharing his joy with them, as he put it.ö

ôOh, that man is so dead!ö she growled, balling her hands into fists.

ôPlease donÆt kill your husband, Carlotta,ö the Chief tut-tutted. ôWe do frown on homicide in this country, you know, even husbands who are serial adulterers.ö

ôCanÆt I mess him up a little, Chief? Just a little?ö

ôIÆm sorry, but no.ö

ôI could shoot him through a non-vital body part.ö

ôThis is not a negotiation, Carlotta.ö Then he added,ö What body part did you have in mind?ö

Carlotta quirked a meaningful eyebrow, and the Chief grinned.

ôOut of the question,ö he said. ôAbsolutely not allowed, IÆm afraid.ö

ôToo perfect!ö Lynnette practically screamed. ôOh, IÆll show him perfect!ö

ôPlease donÆt do anything rash, Lynnette,ö said Chase warningly.

ôHow long has this been going on?ö she demanded.

ôAccording to your husband it all started with some innocent flirtations across the backyard fence last summer, heated up during a joint mulching session in the fall, and collecting acorns in the winter, before blooming into a full-blown affair in the spring.ö

ôHow many times?ö she asked, her breathing having become a little stertorous.

ôWellàö

ôHow many!ö

ôYour husband said he hasnÆt exactly kept track, but at least three times a week over the course of several months, soàö

ôIÆm going to murder that man, and then IÆm going to kick him, and then IÆm going to murder him again, and thenùö

ôYes, I get the picture,ö said Chase, holding up his hand. ôAnd for the record, I feel at this point I should remind you that murder is a punishable offense.ö

ôHeÆs never going to see the kids again for as long as he lives, and of course IÆll take the house, and his money, and his car, and, and, and IÆll take his collection of bowling balls!ö

ôFranco has a collection of bowling balls?ö

ôOh, yes, he has. Keeps them in his man cave in the basement. Polishes them every night.ö A malevolent light had appeared in her eyes. ôYou know what IÆll do? IÆll throw them out of the second-floor window. Smash them all up into little pieces! And then IÆll take an ax to his pinball machine and chop that up into little pieces. And thenùö

Chase cleared his throat.ôThat bow and those arrows we found. TheyÆre yours?ö

Lynnette frowned.ôBow?ö

ôYes, we found a bow and a quiver of arrows in the garden shed. According to Franco they belong to you, from when you were a member of the Brookwell Club.ö

ôI didnÆt even know we still had those,ö she said.

ôLook, even though obviously Franco didnÆt meet Marcia on Valina FawnÆs site, I still have to ask you, Lynnette. Where were you two nights ago between midnight and two?ö

ôWhere do you think I was? In bed with that no-good cheating husband of mine. And if you really think IÆm saying this because I want to provide him with an alibi, think again. If there was any way I could throw him under the bus for ValinaÆs murder, IÆd do it in a heartbeat.ö

ôI wasnÆt thinking about Franco, Lynnette. I was thinking about you.ö

Lynnette blinked, then laughed a forced sort of laugh.ôMe! Why would I want to murder Valina!ö

ôBecause you thought her site facilitated your husbandÆs cheating?ö

Lynnette pressed her perfect lips together until they formed a thin line.ôNonsense. The first inkling I had that Franco was cheating on me was when Rex told me he found them in bed together this afternoon. He said the moment he saw FrancoÆs hairy ass sticking out from between MarciaÆs legsàö She looked away. ôLetÆs just say I never for one moment saw this one coming, detective, and that is GodÆs honest truth. And now if youÆll excuse me,ö she said, getting up, ôI have twenty bowling balls to destroy!ö

Chapter 23

ôWhy was FrancoÆs hairy ass sticking out from between his neighborÆs legs, Max?ö asked Dooley.

We were in Uncle AlecÆs office, with the Chief, his niece and Chase discussing recent events, and I could tell that Dooley had been thinking about this question ever since the interviews had ended.

ôIÆve been trying to picture the scene,ö said my friend, ôand IÆm having trouble with the logistics. So his ass was there, and her legs were there, but where was the rest of them?ö

ôI really donÆt think you need to concern yourself with this, Dooley,ö I said, not feeling particularly in the mood to get into a detailed description of æthe deed,Æ to be honest.

ôNo, but if they were kissing, then why was his assùö

ôLetÆs talk about this some other time, shall we?ö I suggested.

ôOh, all right,ö he said, but I could tell he wasnÆt satisfied with my prevarications.

ôOkay, so what have we got?ö said the Chief, ôapart from two cheaters and two furious wives and what looks like a lot of cuckolded husbands, a dozen of whom are members of our local archery club, and one of whom runs our local gun store.ö

ôI just hope there wonÆt be thirteen murders about to be committed,ö said Chase with a frown. ôTwelve with bow and arrow and one by shotgun.ö

ôYes, well, letÆs deal with that if and when it happens. For now weÆll focus on Valina FawnÆs murder. Who are our suspects and where are we with alibis and such?ö

ôOkay, so ChaseÆs people have cross-referenced the membership list of ValinaÆs site with that of the Brookwell Archery Club,ö said Odelia, ôand came up with two dozen names.ö

Chief Alec grabbed his thinning mane and pulled hard.ôThis case is killing me!ö

ôOf those two dozen weÆve already interviewed a dozen, and so far weÆve managed to eliminate all of them,ö said Chase. ôSo only an even dozen left.ö

ôThough of course,ö said Odelia, ôour killer could be someone else entirely. Someone who is neither a member of the site or the archery club.ö

More hair-pulling was going on, and we all looked on with a touch of concern. The Chief doesnÆt have a lot of hair left to begin with, and this wasnÆt helping matters in that department. ôWhen even the Mayor of this town is a suspect,ö said the big guy, ôI think itÆs safe to say weÆre in trouble.ö

ôCharlene is not a suspect, Chief,ö Chase assured him. ôWe talked to her and sheÆs fine.ö

ôOkay, so that still leaves too many balls in the air. We need to narrow it down, people,ö said Uncle Alec, pounding his desk with his fist. ôAnd we need to do it fast. The longer this investigation drags on, the more difficult it becomes to nail our perp.ö

Two heads bowed as one, and both Chase and Odelia looked appropriately chastised.

ôOkay, so if his ass was between her legs, where was his head, Max?ö asked Dooley.

ôLicking her toes, probably,ö I murmured as I gave this baffling case some thought.

ôDid you say toes?ö asked my friend.

ôNo, I didnÆt.ö

ôI thought you said toes. Which is impossible, since if he was licking her toes, then she wasà licking his toes andà is this really what humans get up to, Max? I mean, you hear strange stories, but this is justà plain weird.ö

ôI know, Dooley,ö I said with a sigh. ôI know.ö

ôWeÆve got people going through the Valina Fawn membership list with a fine-tooth comb,ö now Chase intoned. ôLooking at anything out of the ordinary: criminal records, financial records, phone recordsàö

ôYou canÆt get away from the fact that whoever killed Valina gained access to the place by using Norwell KulhanekÆs key card,ö said Uncle Alec. ôAnd that the key card was returned to the desk of ValinaÆs personal assistant the following day.ö

ôOr even the night of the murder,ö said Odelia. ôSince you only need a key card to access the building, not to leave it. So as I see it, the killer used NorwellÆs card to enter the building at one-fifteen, then left it on MeghanÆs desk after the murder.ö

Uncle Alec nodded.ôOkay, so even though trawling through the siteÆs membership list is a good idea, what we need here is focus. We need to narrow our search, not widen it. Who had access to Norwell on the day of the murder? Since we know he had his key card on him that morning, whoever took it must have snatchedit on the day.ö

ôIÆm still not convinced Norwell is in the clear,ö said Chase. ôThe man admits he left the house at midnight, drove to the office, claims he discovered his key card gone and couldnÆt get in, phoned Valina at twelve-thirty, who didnÆt pick up, then drove around aimlessly for a while, before returning home around two oÆclock in the morning. Oh, and he was a member at Brookwell, so he knows how to handle bow and arrow.ö

ôEven if he didnÆt do it, donÆt you find it odd that he didnÆt see the killer?ö asked Odelia.

ôHe must have just missed him,ö Uncle Alec said. ôIf Norwell is not our guy, that is.ö He directed a pointed look to Odelia. ôYouÆre a pretty good judge of character, honey. How did the man strike you? Do you think he could be the guy we want for this?ö

ôI donÆt know, Uncle Alec. If he is, heÆs a pretty good actor. He really seemed heartbroken.ö

ôHeÆs heartbroken because Valina dumped him,ö said Chase. ôThat doesnÆt mean he didnÆt kill her out of spite.ö

ôUnfortunately we donÆt have hard evidence to go after the guy,ö said Uncle Alec. ôOnly a lot of circumstantial stuff, which simply wonÆt stand up in court.ö He sighed, then glanced down at me. ôI never thought IÆd say this, but how about you, little buddy? Any bright ideas? Cause now is a good time to share them with the rest of the team.ö

ôIÆm afraid I donÆt have anything for you at this time, Chief,ö I said. ôThough youÆre probably right about Norwell Kulhanek. He does look very good for this: the man has motive, opportunity and means. In fact heÆs the perfect suspect. But no evidence.ö

Uncle Alec turned to Odelia, who shook her head.ôHe likes Norwell for this, but as you say: as long as we donÆt have anything solid on the guy, weÆre totally stuck.ö

ôOkay, peopleùnot what I want to hear. So keep on digging and get me some results. Now get lostùall of you.ö

ôWhat about the two couples in our holding cells?ö asked Chase.

ôJust let them go,ö said the Chief with a weary gesture of his hand. He thought for a moment, then added, ôAnd letÆs pick up Norwell and give him the third-degree. See if we canÆt make the guy talk by leaning on him some.ö

ôYou mean now?ö

ôNah, he can wait until tomorrow. LetÆs call it a night, folks.ö

Chapter 24

That evening, we found our friends disconsolate and glued to the couch.

ôWhatÆs wrong?ö I asked as I hopped up onto that same couch. Odelia had placed a blanket there, to protect the cushions from our sharp claws, and even though the blanket was nice enough, I must say I preferred the original. But then of course I could understand where she was coming from: nobody likes their cushion covers ripped up.

ôDonÆt ask,ö said Harriet without even bothering to lift her head.

ôHarriet has decided to quit cat choir,ö her mate announced, looking equally glum.

ôQuit cat choir!ö Dooley cried. ôBut why?!ö

ôDo you really have to ask?ö said Harriet. ôAfter last nightÆs utter, complete disaster?ö

ôWe went into town this morning,ö said Brutus, ôand were met with snickers, whispers and funny faces wherever we went. WeÆve officially turned into Hampton CoveÆs laughingstock. The butt of every joke. The focus of derision.ö

ôIÆm the laughingstock, Brutus,ö said Harriet. ôNot you.ö

ôIÆm the laughingstock by association,ö Brutus clarified.

ôI donÆt understand,ö I said. ôAll because of that Jack business?ö

ôCats are mocking me, Max,ö Harriet said. ôTheyÆre mocking me and calling me a funny old bird, with the emphasis on bird.ö She raised her voice, regaining some of the old Harriet fire. ôThe absolute worst thing you can call a cat is a bird, Max.ö

ôThey could call you a mouse,ö said Dooley. ôThatÆs probably just as bad. Or a chicken.ö

Harriet bridled.ôOh, Dooley, will you please shut up. IÆm really not in the mood for your jokes.ö

ôI wasnÆt joking,ö said Dooley, slightly taken aback by HarrietÆs outburst. ôKingman called Buster a chicken last week, when he said he was afraid to cross Main Street on account of all the traffic. Buster got upset and said he wasnÆt a chicken, and I told Kingman that Buster was right.HeÆs a cat and not a chicken. Or is he?ö

ôNo, Buster is definitely not a chicken,ö I assured my friend.

ôSee?ö said Dooley. ôThatÆs what I told Kingman, but he just laughed and laughed and laughed.ö

ôOh, Dooley,ö said Harriet with a sigh, and replaced her head on her front paws.

Brutus drew me aside.ôDid you get a chance to talk to Harriet about you-know-what?ö

ôNot yet,ö I said. ôAnd I donÆt think now is a good time.ö

ôNo, I guess not,ö he said, darting an anxious glance at his lady love. ôSheÆs been like this all afternoon, and frankly IÆm worried, Max. Cat choir has always been her thing. ItÆs her life, you know, to be the star of the show. If you take that away from her, what does she have left?ö

ôYeah, I know.ö

ôHarriet needs to shine. Otherwiseàö He gulped, afraid to utter the fateful words.

ôSo weÆll simply have to convince her to go out there again, and ignore the gossipers.ö

ôEasier said than done. You should have seen her this morning, Max. She was devastated. And gossip is such a hard thing to fight, you know. ItÆs ephemeral.ö

I cast an admiring look at my friend.ôVery perceptive,ö I said.

ôI heard it from Marge. She used it to describe the general atmosphere in town right now. Said plenty of people have been gossiping behind her back, too. About Tex being on that list of cheaters.ö

ôYeah, but he explained that, didnÆt he?ö

ôI know, but who cares about the truth? People still talk, calling him a cheat, and Marge his poor victim, and freely speculating about their impending divorce.ö

ôIt will all die down soon enough,ö I said. ôWhen the next big thing hits this town Valina Fawn and her site will be all but forgotten, and so will TexÆs so-called infidelity.ö

ôEven Odelia is having trouble. You should hear the kinds of things people are saying about her. Pregnant and with a cheat for a husband. ItÆs not pretty, Max. Not pretty at all.ö

ôBut he wasnÆt even on the list. Someone simply used his name and likeness.ö

ôTell that to the gossipers. TheyÆre a hardy bunch. And they donÆt care about a silly little thing like the truth.ö

We both studied Harriet for a moment, then I said,ôSo maybe IÆll have that chat now.ö

ôYou think thatÆs a good idea?ö

ôItÆs not going to get any better, is it?ö

ôItÆs only going to get worse,ö he said resignedly.

ôYou better leave us, Brutus.ö

He gave me a grateful smile.ôThanks, Max. YouÆre a true friend. In fact,ö he added after a moment, ôyou and Dooley are probably the only friends we haveùthe rest are all backstabbers.ö And after expressing this harsh view, he slipped out through the pet flap and was gone.

So I took a deep breath and strode up to Harriet. After a silent whisper into DooleyÆs ear had dispatched him as well, it was just me and Harriet.

ôItÆs a hard life, isnÆt it, Max?ö she asked. ôTough, if you see what I mean.ö

ôIÆm sure it will all settle down soon enough,ö I said. ôCats are like people, Harriet. They like to latch onto the latest drama, but they also forget easily. Tomorrow there will be something new to gossip about, and your little predicament will be yesterdayÆs news.ö

ôI donÆt care. They said some nasty things behind my back, Max, and IÆve seen them for what they really are: a bunch of nasty gossips. You, Brutus and Dooley are the only true friends I have, and frankly I donÆt need anyone else. So from now on I wonÆt stray past this house and the backyard, and thatÆs fine by me. IÆll be little miss homebody from now on. Queen of my own domain.ö She gave me a brave smile. ôIÆm sure IÆll be perfectly happy.ö

ôYou wonÆt be happy,ö I said. ôYou canÆt be happy unless you can shine. And in order to shine you need an audience. You know that, Harriet. YouÆre a star, not a homebody.ö

ôI am a star, arenÆt I?ö she murmured. ôA star without an audience. Because my audience has turned against me.ö

ôThey havenÆt turned against you. On the contrary. They think you handled that whole business with Jack with grace and poise and thatje-ne-sais-quoi only a true star possesses.ö

She drew a tiny wrinkle across her brow.ôYou really think so?ö

ôOf course! Look, what is gossip other than admiration tinged with a touch of jealousy? These cats all admire you, Harriet. I mean, who else but you has ever been serenaded by a bird, of all species! Who else inspires such unbridled devotion?ö

ôKeep going,ö she murmured, having closed her eyes as she took in these words.

ôPeople donÆt just gossip about anyone, you know. They only gossip about the people they secretly or not-so-secretly envy. Deep down every cat in Hampton Cove looks up to you. They either aspire to be like you, or to be near you. ItÆs the fate of every diva. Look at Meryl Streep, or Oprah Winfrey. Or even Beyonc? or Taylor Swift. The things people say about themùall because these people are the brightest stars on our firmament.ö

ôAre you saying IÆm such a star, Max?ö she asked, her eyes brimming with tears now.

ôThatÆs exactly what IÆm saying. YouÆre Hampton CoveÆs biggest star, Harriet. And stars like you catch a lot of flak and attract ridicule. But they are also loved and admired by all.ö

ôOh, Max,ö she said, her chest heaving and falling rapidly. ôCould you be right?ö

ôYou know IÆm right. Now go out there and shine, bright star. Light up that stage.ö

ôThank you, Max,ö she said fervently. ôI guess I lost faith there for a moment. Faith in my own abilities. ItÆs something that happens sometimes to us special ones, you know.ö

ôI know, Harriet,ö I said with an encouraging smile. ôOf course I know.ö

And I watched her glide to the floor with one graceful, fluid movement, then prance in the direction of the pet flap, her head held high, like a true feline princess, which she was. And she had just reached the pet flap when the flap flapped and a bird strutted through.

ôOh, Harriet!ö he cried. ôIÆve got another little poem prepared especially for you!ö

And then Jack the sparrow, for of course it was he, settled down and started reciting his special little poem.

ôHarriet, I love you.

Harriet my heart is true,

But my heart is also blue,

If you donÆt love me, too!ö

But instead of getting upset, or breaking down into a flood of tears, this time Harriet simply inclined her head in a royal gesture, quietly murmured her gratitude for the birdÆs poem, and was on her way.

Your true star doesnÆt brush aside an earnest fan. They bask in the glow of their admiration, and use it as a stepping stone to ever greater heights of success and glory.

Jack, reeling after HarrietÆs response, now tottered back through the pet flap, and moments later could be heard singing a jubilant song from the top of the highest tree.

And since I was alone in the house, I decided to take another look at Pettr. And as I scrolled through the chats Harriet had engaged in, I saw that all of the pets that had written her were all fans, extending their admiration for her great talent. I smiled. So Harriet hadnÆt been cheating on Brutus after all. Instead sheÆd turned Pettr from a dating site into an admiration site. Her own personal fandom.

ôWay to go, Harriet,ö I murmured as I put down the tablet.

Brutus had snuck back in, and I now informed him of my deductions. The smile that lit up his face was something to behold. He actually had tears in his eyesùtears of gratitude this time.

ôI always knew being HarrietÆs partner wasnÆt going to be easy, Max,ö he said with a husky voice. ôItÆs probably like being MerylÆs husband, or OprahÆs boyfriend. Her sheer star power is of such a magnitude that sometimes itÆs hard not to be overpowered.ö

ôAlways remember, Brutus,ö I said, ôthat a strong woman needs a strong man. And I can tell you right now that youÆre exactly the kind of cat Harriet needs. In fact I canÆt think of a better partner for her than you, my good friend.ö I placed a solemn paw on his shoulder, and looked deepinto his eyes. ôYou, my dear Brutus, complete her.ö

ôOh, Max,ö he said brokenly. And more tears were freely shed.

ôNow go after her,ö I said. ôCause even though sheÆll never admit it, Harriet needs you, Brutus. In fact she needs you now more than ever.ö

He nodded wordlessly, then disappeared back through the pet flap.

IÆd hopped onto the couch and was busy selecting the best spot when Dooley walked in. ôWhatÆs going on, Max?ö he asked. ôFirst Harriet appeared, in tears, then Jack, in tears, and finally Brutus, also in tears. Why are you making everyone cry today?ö

ôThose were all tears of happiness, buddy,ö I said. ôTears of joy, not sorrow. And now if youÆll excuse me, I think IÆve earned the right to take a longùvery long nap.ö

And so I circled my spot three times, then languorously stretched myself out, and promptly dozed off.

Chapter 25

It had been a tough day, and Alec Lip was glad that it was finally over and he got to go home. Usually his home life sustained him, and provided the energy he needed to tackle another day at the office. But the last couple of days had thrown a wrench in the machinery, with Charlene suspecting him of tomfoolery with the Valina Fawn business. And even though she now seemed to believe that he had indeed created that profile for professional purposes and not personal ones, there was still a certain coolness between them, which grated on his sensitive soul.

He might look all tough and imposing, and as a cop didnÆt mind busting heads and cracking skulls, the fact of the matter was that he possessed a tender heart, and this recent frostiness in his one true loveÆs manner was like a dark cloud that hung over him.

And heÆd just decided to buy a bouquet of CharleneÆs favorite flowersùMister Lincoln Rosesùwhen he came upon his ma in the corridor. And as he approached, he could tell there was something seriously wrong with the woman. For she was smiling. Smiling like a maniac.

ôWhatÆs wrong?ö he asked immediately, his voice laced with earnest concern.

ôWrong? NothingÆs wrong,ö said Vesta, still smiling that serial killer rictus.

ôYour lips,ö said Alec. ôTheyÆre all twisted up.ö

ôWhat are you talking about! IÆm trying to be nice!ö

ôYou look like youÆre about to commit mass murder.ö

ôDonÆt be an idiot. You told me to be nice to people. Scarlett told me to be nice to people. And now that IÆm trying to be nice to people, you tell me I look like the Boston strangler! Well, thanks, Alec. Way to go.ö

He softened.ôBeing nice to people doesnÆt mean you have to grin like a lunatic, Ma. It just means you have to try toùö

ôPut myself in their shoes. Yah, I got the lecture from Scarlett, thank you very much. And IÆm trying, okay? In fact just now a woman called and said her husband fell down the stairs and I even congratulated her on a job well done.ö

ôYou did what?ö

ôI told her that I hoped she hadnÆt left any traces and that if she was careful she would probably get away with it. Us women have to look out for each other. If one of us shoves her husband down a flight of stairs because heÆs been treating her like dirt, itÆs important we show them the support and the respect they deserve.ö

He closed his eyes and slapped a hand to his weary brow.

And as they walked out together, she continued,ôI asked her to check for a pulse, and she said she couldnÆt find one, and that she thought heÆd broken his neck, so I told her good riddance and said IÆd buy her dinner. Now tell me again IÆm not being nice!ö

ôDear God, give me strength,ö he muttered.

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That night, as Alec and Charlene sat up in bed reading on their respective tablets, as they usually didùhe a crime scene report and she the minutes of the latest Chamber of Commerce meetingùshe suddenly lowered her tablet and took off her reading glasses.

ôI havenÆt thanked you for those flowers yet.ö

ôYouÆre welcome,ö he muttered.

ôOr the delicious dinner you cooked us.ö

ôThatÆs all right. No need to thank me.ö

She glanced over to her partner.ôAlec?ö

ôMh?ö

ôYouÆre not still upset with me, are you?ö

ôWhy would I be upset with you?ö

ôBecause I thought you were cheating on me?ö

This time he did look up, and gave her an inscrutable frown.ôI thought IÆd cleared that all up?ö

ôYou did, and IÆm glad you did, but the whole affair has left me wonderingàö

ôYes?ö

ôThereÆs something about me that you probably should now, darling.ö

He patiently waited until sheÆd elucidate, turning off his tablet.

ôAs you know, this isnÆt my first rodeo. And the person I was with at the timeùJimà Well, things between us didnÆt end well, letÆs just keep it at that. And itÆs made meà vulnerable, I guess you might say. Vulnerable and scared, maybe.ö She idly pulled at the strings of her nightie. ôSo when I saw your name appear on that list, I jumped to the conclusionàö

ôIÆm not Jim, Charlene,ö said Alec softly. And when she gazed up into his eyes, there was such gentleness there, and such understanding, that she felt her heart lurch.

ôI know,ö she said, placing a hand on his jowly cheek. ôAnd IÆm sorry for doubting you.ö

ôYou donÆt have to apologize. If I saw your name on that list, IÆd probably think the worst, too.ö

She pecked a tender kiss on his lips, and a warm glow spread through her chest. She was lucky to have met him, this rare specimen. And even though she still found it difficult sometimes to place her trust in him, it was getting a little easier every day, as she continued to chip away at the hard crust that had formed itself around her heart after the way Jim had treated her.

ôMy ma told me the most outrageous thing today,ö said Alec.

And as she settled in next to him, her head on his shoulder, she smiled and said,ôWhat did she do this time?ö AlecÆs mom was clearly certifiable, but the stories Alec told her about the old ladyÆs crazy antics never failed to make her laugh.

[╩α≡≥ΦφΩα: img_2]

The day dawned supreme, with a glorious sun peeping across the horizon the first chance she got, clearly as eager to start her new day as the rest of us. Though in all honesty just another hour of peace and quiet wouldnÆt have been unwelcome, if IÆm honest. Cat choir had been an exuberant affair, with Harriet proudly reclaiming her position as queen of Hampton Cove, next to whom everyone else paled in comparison, Jack had once again sung from the highest tree and declared his love for Harriet to all and sundry, and Brutus strutted his stuff safe in the knowledge all was well with the world.

Seeking a cuddle and some attention, I snuck up on Odelia, while Dooley snuck up on Chase. Patiently we both waited until our humans stirred, and I now mewled quietly to draw their attention, then proceeded to burrow my nose into OdeliaÆs armpit, even as Dooley burrowed his nose into ChaseÆs. And so for the next ten minutes we all lay, the two of us purring with pleasurable abandon, and Odelia and Chase waking up to greet a new day.

You may wonder why I donÆt shudder at the smell of an unwashed armpit, but I have to admit I rather enjoy a rank body cavity. I guess human smells affect us differently. What humans find abhorrent, we consider perfectly yummy, and what they find deliciousùthose artificial scents sold in a bottle or cans of aerosolizeddeodorantùwe find yucky.

Which just goes to show: excellence is in the nose of the beholder.

Odelia finally stirred and dislodged me.ôTime to get up, buddy,ö she said, then yawned and stretched.

ôYeah, time to get up, Dooley,ö said Chase, and inspected his chest for puncture wounds. I admit that in the heat of the moment we do sometimes forget to retract our clawsùcall it a small token of our appreciation.

And so we watched as first Chase then Odelia stumbled out of bed, still sleep drunk, and headed into the bathroom for that first all-important business of the day: getting rid of any access fluids that may have accrued in their bladders overnight.

ôDo you think today weÆll finally catch Valina FawnÆs murderer?ö asked Dooley.

ôLetÆs hope so,ö I said. ôThey are going to arrest Norwell Kulhanek, and if anyone can make that man break down itÆs Chase.ö

Just then, ChaseÆs phone rang out its pleasant ringtone, Ed SheeranÆs latest hit. He stepped out of the bathroom and hurried over. ôYello,ö he said with a frown. He then pressed a button and we could hear GranÆs voice ringing through the room loud and clear.

ôYeah, another dead body,ö said the old lady. ôThis one seems to have slipped on a wine bottle and gotten the thing firmly lodged in its neck. So I told the person who called it in that it was probably just an accident, but she insisted it was murder. You canÆt argue with these people, Chase. They all got murder on the brain for some reason. IÆm telling youùö

ôOkay, so whoÆs the dead guy?ö asked Chase, cutting the flow of words.

ôGuy called Norwell Kulhanek? Obviously an alcoholic, but what do I know. People keep telling me to be nice, and then when IÆm being nice, theyÆre still not happy. There really is no way of pleasing some people, is there? You know what the problem is? ItÆsùö

ôWhere was this?ö he asked curtly, ignoring GranÆs outburst.

She gave him the address, and before she could launch into another stream of vituperation, he thanked her and hung up.

Odelia, whoÆd followed the conversation leaning against the doorpost, now nodded and burst into action, just as Chase did. Moments later they were both showered and dressed and we were on our way downstairs.

ôNorwell Kulhanek, Max!ö said Dooley. ôOur main suspect!ö

ôI know. What are the odds?ö

ôMust be suicide. He killed Valina and felt the noose tightening around his neck and took the cowardÆs way out.ö

ôLetÆs just wait and see,ö I said, and braced myself for what weÆd find.

Chapter 26

The co-owner of the Valina Fawn dating site was lying on his back surrounded by bottles of wine. We were in the basement of the Kulhanek place, which had been turned into a wine cellar. Racks had once been placed along the walls, but had been torn down, their contents now littered across the floor in a sea of broken bottles.

One of those bottles was still stuck in NorwellÆs neck, and it was hard to distinguish between wine and blood, as the two liquids had gotten mixed on the cement floor.

Abe Cornwall, who sat crouched over the body, now looked up.ôSomeone shoved a broken bottle into his carotid artery,ö he announced. ôCausing him to bleed out. Death would have been pretty inevitable, and fairly quick.ö

ôWhen did he die?ö asked Chase as he surveyed the scene.

ôAround eight last night IÆd say. Anywhere between seven and nine will do.ö

ôDo you think this could have been an accident?ö asked Odelia. ôKnocked over a rack of bottles and one of them ended up in his neck?ö

ôDoubtful,ö said Abe, shaking his head. ôThough not impossible. If heÆd had the misfortune to land on top of a broken bottle, it might have penetrated the artery. Though IÆd have to say chances of that happening are pretty slim.ö He got up out of his crouch. ôAnd then of course thereÆs this.ö He held up a plush Cupid doll with his gloved hand. The doll had either wine or blood on it. ôFound on top of the victimÆs body. He could have been clutching it in his arms when he fell, of course, but somehow I doubt it.ö And he handed the plush doll to Chase, whoÆd also donned plastic gloves for the occasion.

Even Dooley and I were donning plastic bootiesùjust as a precaution.

Chase and Odelia studied the doll together.ôItÆs the same one, all right,ö was OdeliaÆs determination.

ôSame what?ö asked Abe.

ôValina Fawn. The doll is used as her siteÆs logo,ö Chase explained. ôSame one was found on ValinaÆs body.ö

ôOh, thatÆs right. I remember now,ö said the coroner. ôWell, that probably cinches it. Though it still doesnÆt explain who dun it.ö He gave Chase a wink. ôBut IÆm sure youÆll figure that out for us. ThatÆs why they pay you the big bucks, after all.ö

ôYeah, right,ö Chase grunted as he handed the Cupid doll back and Abe stuffed it into a plastic evidence bag.

We mounted the wooden stairs and soon arrived in the kitchen, where Emma Kulhanek was sitting at the kitchen table, sipping from a cup of tea, and being consoled by a woman officer. When we arrived, the officer rose from her chair and left the room.

ôIs heà all right?ö asked Emma, her teary face displaying a glimmer of hope.

ôIÆm afraid not,ö said Odelia. ôNot much we can do for him.ö

ôOh, God,ö said Emma, and broke down again.

ôIÆm sorry to do this, Emma,ö said Chase, ôbut weÆre going to have to ask you a couple of questions, if thatÆs all right.ö

She nodded, and pressed a wad of tissues to her runny nose.

ôWas it you who found Norwell?ö asked Odelia, taking a seat at the kitchen table.

ôI wondered where he was when I woke up,ö said Emma. ôWe had a big row yesterday, after I found out about him andà well, you know.ö

Odelia placed a comforting hand on the womanÆs arm.

ôSo I told him he could sleep on the couch, until I decided what I was going to do. I was thinking about taking the kids to my parents, but they love their dad, and I donÆt like to interrupt their regular routine. But this morning when I came downstairs, he wasnÆt on the couch, and so I figured heÆd already left for work. But then when I headed out myself, I saw his car was still in the garage, so thatÆs when I realized that something was wrong.ö

ôWhere are the kids now?ö asked Odelia, concern lacing her voice.

ôSchool. I dropped them off with my parents yesterday after school, and they took them in this morning. I didnÆt want the kids to be here when Norwell and Ià talked things through. I had a feeling it might get messy, and they didnÆt need to hear all that.ö She took a breath, trying to compose herself. ôSo I tried to reach him on his phone, but he didnÆt pick up, until I heard his ringtone somewhere close by. So I kept on ringing him, and thatÆs when I found him, lying there, surrounded by all those bottles! He-he must have gone down there to get a bottle, and fallen over and dragged down all of those bottle racks.ö

ôYou didnÆt hear anything last night? Those falling bottles must have made a lot of noise,ö said Chase.

ôI wasnÆt here last night. Parent-teacher night. I only got in around ten and went straight to bed. The last thing I needed was another confrontation with Norwell.ö

ôYou didnÆt notice him missing?ö

She shook her head.ôI went straight upstairs. I was still very much upset.ö

ôParent-teacher night started at what time, exactly?ö asked Chase.

ôSeven. But I got there early, to set up the room and get ready.ö

ôThank you, Emma,ö said Odelia. ôYou did well.ö

ôThose bottlesàö said Chase.

ôNorwellÆs hobby. He loved his wine. Even thought about buying his own vineyard in Napa Valley. We were always going on wine tours when we were still living in San Francisco. Though of course they probably have some excellent wines out here, too.ö Her face seemed to crumple like a used tissue, and moments later she was crying again.

ôTough,ö said Dooley once we had left the kitchen and wandered out into the backyard to get some fresh air. ôFirst she discovers that her husband was having an affair, and now heÆs dead. Do you think he was murdered, Max?ö

ôIt certainly looks that way,ö I said.

ôFirst Valina Fawn, and now her business partner. So both of the siteÆs owners have been murdered, and probably by the same killer, wouldnÆt you say?ö

ôThe presence of that Cupid doll certainly points to the same person.ö

ôAnd our favorite suspect as well. Looks like weÆll have to start from scratch.ö

ôYup. Back to square one,ö I said, and we both settled in and watched police officers, crime scene people and all the hullaballoo involved in a murder investigation gain momentum. Hopefully all that activity would provide a telling clue. A fingerprint, a DNA sample, a footprintùanything that would lead us to a killer whoÆd already murdered twice, and so far with absolute impunity.

Chapter 27

WeÆd just settled in for the duration, when Chase walked into the backyard. He was talking into his phone and had the excited look on his face of a man whoÆs made a big discovery. Kids on Christmas morning have that same look, or geeks about to meet their favoriteStar Wars actor at their local comic-con.

ôThatÆs great!ö he said to the person on the other end. ôSend a unit there immediately. Yeah, IÆm on my way.ö He tucked his phone into his pocket, then turned to us. ôLetÆs go,ö he said, and when we didnÆt immediately spring into action, he simply slipped two large hands under our respective midsections and lifted us clear into the air!

He practically ran into the house and when he came upon Odelia, still sitting with a distraught-looking Emma Kulhanek, he said,ôThereÆs been a development, babe. We have to go.ö And still carrying us, he hurried out of the house, then to his car. For a moment he didnÆt know what to doùyou canÆt use your car keys when youÆre holding two catsùand then found nothing better than to deposit us both on top of thecar!

ôI just hope he wonÆt forget us and drive off,ö I muttered.

ôHe wonÆt,ö Dooley assured me. ôChase is always very careful, and so is Odelia.ö

So we patiently waited until one or the other would take us down, but suddenly we heard two doors slam shut and moments later the car lurched into motion!

ôHang on, Dooley!ö I cried. ôLooks like they have forgotten about us!ö

Luckily, the roof of ChaseÆs car has iron bars, in case he has to transport a whole gang of criminals at once, I guess, and so we managed to hold onto those while the pickup raced through traffic at breakneck speed, Chase not even bothering to stop at intersections or respect red lights!

ôThis whine is terrible!ö I yelled to my friend, referring to the police siren.

ôWhat wine!ö asked Dooley.

ôNot wine, the whineùthe noise!ö

ôOh, I thought that was you, Max!ö Dooley said.

When people refer to the view from the top, I never thought this was it. Somehow IÆd always imagined it as something magical, wonderful and exhilarating. I can tell you it certainly was exhilarating, but definitely not a lot of fun!

We saw the world sort of swoosh by, people and houses and cars a kind of blur, though that could have been my eyes watering up from the wind, of course. And then there were the flies hitting me in the face when I least expected it, and at least one big bumblebee. Lucky for the beeùand meùit wasnÆt hurt in the collision, and after grumbling something that didnÆt sound very nice, it simply flew on.

Finally we arrived at our destination, which was a house in the suburbs, and Chase braked so hard and so suddenly that we actually slid from the roof and down the windshield. And I know you think cats are all-purpose pets, but using us as windshield wipers is taking things a little too far in my estimation.

The good thing was that as we slipped down the windshield, making a sort of squeaky sound, we got a first-row seat to watch Odelia and ChaseÆs twin expressions of horror.

ôOh, my God, Chase!ö Odelia cried. ôWe forgot about the cats!ö

ôSorry, babe,ö the cop grunted, then got out and subjected us to a brief inspection. ôThey look fine,ö he finally determined, and promptly lost interest in our precarious fate.

Lucky for us Odelia is a more responsible pet parent, and took more time to make sure we were all right, and hadnÆt been harmed in the taping of this sequence. We could always have lodged a formal complaint with American Humane, of course, but Odelia was right: we might both be shakenùor even stirredùbut we were fundamentally fine.

More police cars arrived, and soon a kind of impressive police presence built up in front of that inoffensive house in the suburbs.

ôWhatÆs going on?ö I asked. ôWhy are we here?ö

ôOne of ChaseÆs officers has found a name that appears on both the Valina Fawn membership list and the Brookwell membership list,ö Odelia explained. ôA person named Alec March, who has a criminal record and looks like our most promising suspect yet.ö

ôA criminal record for what?ö I asked as I flicked one final fly from my corpus.

ôMurder,ö said Odelia with a touch of ominousness.

Suddenly a voice from inside the house shouted,ôDonÆt come any closerùI have a hostage and I will not hesitate to shoot!ö And to show us he meant what he said, Alec Marchùfor I assumed it was himùsqueezed off a shot.

Immediately the officers present all ducked down behind their squad cars, and the siegeùor hostage situationùwas now well underway.

ôI wonder who the hostage is, Max,ö said Dooley, like me hiding next to the carÆs wheel. But as we glanced over, the man of the hour briefly appeared in the window, a gun pressed to a womanÆs head, and as we got a good look at the both of them, we gasped in shock. For in that brief moment IÆd recognized the hostage asà Ida Baumgartner!

ôItÆs Ida,ö I heard Odelia say.

Ida Baumgartner is one of TexÆs most loyal patients, never shy of coming up with a new disease sheÆs suffering from. SheÆs very big on Dr. Google and can invent a new disease every day of the week and twice on Sunday. The woman has survived all the different cancers known to man, heart atrophy, dengue fever, malaria, herpesà

ôLooks like Ida has finally met her match,ö said Dooley. ôA disease that might prove incurable.ö

ôIÆm not sure prisonersÆ rights activists or their spokesperson Kim Kardashian would approve of referring to an ex-convict as a disease, Dooley,ö I said, ôbut IÆm afraid youÆre right. This is not a malady that can be fixed by popping a pill or sticking on a band-aid.ö

ôHeeeeelp!ö now Ida cried. ôThis man has a gun!ö

That much was already obvious, of course.

ôI came here for a date and he suddenly pulled a gun on me!ö

Now this was news to all of us.

ôIda is here on a date?ö I asked.

ôShe must have created a profile on Pettr,ö said Dooley.

ôPettr is strictly for pets, Dooley,ö I said. ôItÆs far more likely she created a profile on Valina Fawn and made a match with our Alec March.ö

ôI wonder how that algorithm works, Max. To match a known murderer with a hypochondriac like Ida Baumgartner.ö

ôI have no idea.ö We could have asked Norwell, who created part of the algorithm, but since the man was now lying dead amongst his wine bottles that would be a hard ask. ôMaybe hypochondria and homicidal ideation share certain traits?ö I suggested.

ôSo do you think all murderers are hypochondriacs?ö

ôDoubtful,ö I said. ôThough hypochondria could lead to murder, when a hypochondriac doesnÆt find a receptive doctor to listen to their concerns and decides to shoot them.ö

ôHeeeeeeelp meeeeeeeeee!ö Ida was bellowing.

ôOh, shut up!ö her attacker cried.

I could see the man, and thought that he didnÆt look like much. He sported a shaved head, several scars on his face, and a large swastika tattoo on his neck. Not exactly IdaÆs dream lover I should have thought. Then again, Photoshop is the online daterÆs friend.

ôDrop your weapon and come out now!ö Chase shouted.

ôNo way!ö the man returned.

ôYouÆre completely surrounded, Alec! No escape!ö

ôI want a helicopter, a private plane fueled and ready at JFK and five million dollars in unmarked bills! YouÆve got one hour, cop, or I start shooting hostages!ö

This caused a ripple of concern to travel through the collected cop contingent.

ôHostages?ö I heard Chase ask. ôI thought he had just the one?ö

But I now saw that a small doggie had appeared in the window. It was Ida BaumgartnerÆs long-haired teacup Chihuahua Minnie Mouse, and she looked nervous and not a little bit scared.

ôHeÆs going to shoot the dog, Max!ö said Dooley. ôThe man is a maniac!ö

ôHeÆs certainly something else,ö I agreed.

ôWe have to do something. We have to save that dog!ö

So you see, cats have this reputation for disliking and even taunting dogs, but when push comes to shove, we are willing to put our lives on the line for the species!

Uncle Alec now also arrived, and he had brought a gift in the form of Gran.

ôWhatÆs going on?ö asked the Chief.

ôThis guy Alec March is threatening to start shooting hostages when he doesnÆt get what he wants,ö said Chase.

Uncle Alec grabbed a bullhorn from his car and raised it to his lips.ôAlec March, this is Chief Alec Lip. Release those hostages now and I promise we wonÆt hurt you!ö

ôBuzz off, Alec!ö shouted Alec, then put the muzzle of his gun to the little doggieÆs head!

It whimpered and shook and the scene broke my heart.

ôOh, enough of this,ö suddenly said Gran. ôNo more Miss Nice Gal!ö she yelled, and before anyone could stop her, she had grabbed that bullhorn and now strode to the fore. ôYou stop this nonsense right now, Alec March!ö she bellowed, her voice amplified and echoing between the houses. ôIf you dare to harm a hair on that poor creatureÆs head, IÆm going to personally come up there and whoop your ass, young man!ö

ôGo away, granny!ö the hoodlum returned.

ôDonÆt you granny me!ö Gran boomed. ôDrop your weapon and come out with your hands in the air. And donÆt make me come in there!ö

ôGo to hell!ö

ôYou had your chance. ItÆs whooping time!ö

ôGran, no!ö Odelia yelled.

But the old lady had dropped the bullhorn and now broke into a run, heading for the window. And as the man saw her coming, he raised his gun and aimed it straight at her head.ôDonÆt you dare!ö Gran yelled. ôIda, conk him on his fat head!ö

I could tell that Ida hadnÆt responded well to the situation. First to discover that her prince charming is actually an ogre, and then to have that ogre point a gun at her precious darling, her sweet treasure Minnie Mouse, it was clear she was seething with righteous anger. So the moment Mr. March turned the gun in GranÆs direction, Ida didnÆt waste time lallygagging but picked up the first object she could find, which was a large vase that had been languishing on the windowsill, and crashed it down on top of the manÆs head.

For a moment the career criminal stood there, swaying in the breeze like a young sapling experiencing its first storm, and then he fell to earth and knew no more.

ôWell done,ö said Gran, congratulating the other woman.

ôOh, dear,ö said Ida, pressing her precious darling to her sizable bosom. ôI really thought I was a goner this time, Vesta. If it hadnÆt been for you, I donÆt know what I would have done!ö

ôYou could have told him about your many incurable diseases,ö Gran suggested kindly as she inspected the unconscious man. ôScared the living daylights out of him.ö

ôAlways the joker, arenÆt you,ö said Ida tersely. ôSuch a wonderful sense of humor.ö

About a thousand cops converged on the scene now, and if Mr. March had still been conscious he would have been read his rights in no time. Now they had to wait for an ambulance to arrive and make sure he would live to enjoy a renewed sojourn in the pen.

ôGot him!ö said Chase jubilantly.

ôGood job,ö said Odelia, addressing her grandmother.

ôIf you pull another stunt like that,ö said Uncle Alec, ôyouÆre grounded.ö

ôYou canÆt ground me,ö said Gran. ôIÆm your mother!ö

ôWatch me,ö Uncle Alec growled. ôYou almost gave me a heart attack when you stormed forward like that!ö

ôI learned that from Mel,ö said Gran with a smile.

ôWhoÆs Mel?ö asked Chase.

ôBraveheart!ö

ôDidnÆt Mel die in that movie?ö asked Odelia.

ôPoppycock,ö said Gran. ôTrue heroes never die. Oh, and now for the reason I came down here in the first place. I quit.ö

ôQuit?ö asked Uncle Alec. ôWhat do you mean you quit?ö

ôA man just called me a very bad name, and I came here to tell you that IÆm too old to take that kind of abuse, so I quit.ö

ôWhat did you do?ö

ôWhy does everyone immediately assume itÆs my fault!ö But when Uncle Alec fixed her with a steady look, she finally admitted, ôOkay, so maybe I told him that he should put his head in a toilet and flush. But only because he was drunk and abusive!ö

ôOh, Ma,ö said Uncle Alec with a sigh.

ôHe told me I was off my rocker!ö

Uncle Alec hoisted up his pants.ôI accept your resignation,ö he said, and he actually smiled as he spoke these words. ôYou are hereby relieved of your duties. Happy now?ö

ôYou certainly look happy,ö Gran grumbled.

ôThatÆs because we just caught the person responsible for two murders.ö And to show us how grateful he actually was, he shook OdeliaÆs hand, then ChaseÆs hand, and practically went skipping back to his car, overall the picture of a happy chief of police.

Chapter 28

I have to say that even though the investigation was concludedùand with a neat bow tied on top, no lessùI still didnÆt feel entirely satisfied with the way it had been wrapped up. Now you could ascribe this to the fact that I hadnÆt been instrumental in nabbing the killer, and you would be mistaken. It really doesnÆt matter to me who catches the badguyùIÆm not peacockish that way, or even wrapped up in my own sense of self-importance.

No, the thing was that Alec March being billed as Valina Fawn and Norwell KulhanekÆs killer simply didnÆt seem to fit. For one thing, how had the man managed to get a hold of NorwellÆs key card? Though of course he could have gained access to the office at some point during the day, or bumped into Norwell at a coffee shop or gas station. IÆm sure the investigation would bear all this out.

Still, I had a strong sense of unease, which drove me to pay a visit to Kingman, which is usually where my paws take me when IÆm in a quandary.

Dooley accompanied me into town, and soon we found ourselves outside the General Store, where our voluminous piebald friend was sunning himself in front of his humanÆs popular store.

ôHiya, fellas,ö said Kingman. ôPhew, this sun is something else today, isnÆt it?ö He got up lazily. ôIn fact I think IÆm going to lie in the shade for a while. ItÆs definitely getting too hot for my taste.ö

ôToo much sun is bad for your skin,ö said Dooley. ôIt can even cause skin cancer.ö

Kingman gave him a strange look.ôCats are covered in fur, Dooley. The sun canÆt even reach our skin. So I donÆt think weÆre in any danger there.ö

ôThe sun can still reach our ears, Kingman. And our nose. And paw pads. And itÆs exactly those spots that are in grave danger of being affected by the sunÆs death rays.ö

Kingman offered me a grin.ôDeath rays. YouÆd think this is an episode ofStar Trek.ö

ôBut itÆs true!ö Dooley insisted. ôI saw a documentary the other night that said that cats and dogs should watch out for their nekkid bits. Or put sunblock on them.ö

ôImagine that,ö said Kingman, still gripped by his bout of mirth. ôMe asking Wilbur to rub sunblock all over my nekkid bits.ö

ôWell, he should,ö said Dooley. ôAt least if heÆs a responsible pet daddy.ö

ôPet daddy,ö Kingman laughed. ôDooley, you should really consider doing standup.ö

ôI am standing up,ö said Dooley.

ôI know you are, buddy,ö said Kingman. ôBetter take a load off your paws and take a break. I hear you caught that nasty killer?ö

ôYou heard about that?ö I said, much surprised.

ôHey, news travels fast in this town. I heard it from Buster, who heard it from one of FidoÆs clients, who got it from the horseÆs mouthùin this case Ida Baumgartner herself.ö

ôYeah, Ida was in some real danger back there,ö I murmured, as I thought back to those moments fraught with mortal tension.

ôSo why arenÆt you smiling?ö asked Kingman. ôThe bad guy is caught. Three rousing cheers for the good guys, right?ö

ôMax isnÆt sure we got the right bad guy,ö said Dooley.

ôIÆve got this feeling,ö I said.

ôUh-oh,ö said Kingman. ôI know all about that, buddy.ö

ôYou do?ö

ôOh, absolutely. ItÆs like when I dated this girl Eleanor, you know. She was perfect in every possible way. Great legs, cute face, amazing tail, but I donÆt know. Something just didnÆt seem to click. And for the life of me, I just couldnÆt figure out what it was. Until she dumped me for Tiggerùthe plumberÆs cat, and then I knew.ö

ôWhat did you know?ö I asked.

ôI just told you. She dumped me for the plumberÆs cat. ThatÆs what was wrong with her.ö

ôButà you couldnÆt have known that, could you?ö

ôI must have sensed it. And also, she kept asking me about Tigger. So now I figure she used me to get to know Tigger, and once she got her first introduction, she jumped at the chance, if you see what I mean.ö

ôAre Eleanor and Tigger still together?ö asked Dooley, whoÆs a romantic at heart.

ôNah. Tigger introduced her to Shadow, and so she dumped Tigger and hooked up with Shadow. Then Shadow introduced her to his buddy Tom, andà Well, I guess you know what happened next.ö

ôWhere is Eleanor now?ö asked Dooley.

ôNo idea. She skipped town a while back. Guess she ran out of potential hookups.ö He frowned and directed a look of concern at me. ôAre you all right there, buddy? You look like youÆve seen a ghost.ö

ôThe ghost of Eleanor,ö Dooley quipped.

ôNo, itÆs justàö I said, squinting hard.

ôOh, I see whatÆs going on,ö said Kingman. ôYou got one of your brainwaves, havenÆt you?ö

I nodded quietly. I did have a brainwave. Or at least something had clicked, though I still didnÆt fully understand what, or whyùor even who. But KingmanÆs words had definitely brought back a vague memory ofà something. But what was it, exactly?

And as I settled down next to my friends, and Kingman and Dooley continued chatting amiably, suddenly the truth hit me.

ôOf course,ö I murmured. ôWhy didnÆt I see it sooner!ö

Chapter 29

I have to say it wasnÆt exactly my finest hour, or at least it didnÆt feel that way. It should have been, of course, for IÆd finally cracked the caseùfigured out who had killed two people in cold blood. But instead of feeling the exhilaration when the arrest of a killer is finally within reach, I felt a little sad. For this time the killer was a person I liked.

Odelia and Chase leaned against the hood of the car, with Dooley and myself at their feet. Odelia had asked me more than once already how I thought this would go, and frankly I had no idea. I didnÆt think there would be a lot of resistance, though, or even any trickery needed to force a confession.

And I was right.

Emma Kulhanek walked out of the school entrance, spotted us and seemed to collapse into herself. And when Chase approached her and told her she was under arrest for the murders of Valina Fawn and Norwell Kulhanek, she simply bowed her head and nodded.

ôIÆm glad itÆs all over,ö she said quietly as she held out her hands.

ôIÆm not going to cuff you in front of your students, Emma,ö said Chase.

ôThank you,ö said the teacher. ôThatÆs very kind of you, detective.ö She paused and glanced back to the school. ôWhatÆs going to happen to my kids now?ö

ôWe spoke to your parents,ö said Odelia. ôAsked them to pick them up.ö

Emma nodded and quite willingly got into the car.

At the police station she didnÆt sit in an interview room, but simply in ChaseÆs office, which was a lot nicer than the formal interview rooms, and as she held a cup of tea between both hands, started to talk without even being prompted. It really was as if she wanted to get it off her chest, which I could absolutely understand. Committing murder creates a burden on oneÆs soul, especially for a, essentially kindhearted person like Emma.

ôI never wanted to come to Hampton Cove in the first place,ö she said. ôIt was NorwellÆs idea. He had heard about ValinaÆs new site and thought if he could get in at the beginning, it might be a way for him to generate a lot of money, really launch his career, you know. He knew, of course, that Valina and I had been in school together, and badgered me into making the necessary introductions. He then used the fact that my family was still here, and that our kids could go to the same school IÆd gone to to pressure me into agreeing to the big move back east. I finally relented, figuring that maybe he was right.ö

ôBut he wasnÆt,ö said Odelia softly. ôBecause you hadnÆt told him about Valina.ö

Emma took a deep breath.ôValina wasnÆt the sweet person everyone thought she was. She was a bully, and terrorized me mercilessly all through high school. Every single day she used to be on my case, and I hated her for it. She made my life a living hell, for six long years. So when I finally met her again, I somehow expected her to apologize. But she wouldnÆt even acknowledge what sheÆd done to me, much less show the least regret.ö

ôAnd then your husband started an affair with her.ö

ôI met a boy in the sixth grade. He was my first boyfriend. He was kind and warm and funny, and he defended me against Valina and her friends. I was in love with him, and thought things were finally going to change. So Valina, when she saw how happy I suddenly was, decided to steal him away from me. And she did. And then once sheÆd got her claws in him she made him dump me in front of the whole school, humiliating me even further. And so when she had the opportunity to go after Norwell, she didnÆt hesitate. She even had the gall to rub my face in it. When the list leaked she called to tell me about NorwellÆs affair. Said it didnÆt mean anything. Just a fling. For her it probably was, but not for Norwell. He was absolutely smitten. She had that effect on people. She could be very charming if she wanted to, but also completely ruthless. So when Norwell kept sending her messages and begging her to get back together, she found it amusing. Said he followed her around like a lapdog. Asked if it didnÆt bring back memories. Of course it did. Bullies never change. Not really. Unless you put them in their place. Only I should have done it twenty years ago, then things wouldnÆtbe such a mess now.ö

ôIÆm sorry,ö said Odelia. ôI didnÆt know.ö

ôNobody knew, except me and Valina, and of course the clique she used to hang out with back then. Her executioners. I hadnÆt even told Norwell, or my parents.ö She bowed her head. ôShe shouldnÆt have gone after Norwell. That was probably what drove me toà well, you know.ö

ôYou took his key card?ö asked Chase.

ôIt was easy. In and out like a flash. I was afraid someone would see me, but nobody did. I didnÆt even try to hide or cover my tracks. At that point I was beyond caring.ö She took a thoughtful sip from her cup. ôI used to do some shooting back in the day, and Norwell had a bow and arrows lying around, from the club. It just seemed appropriate. With her always pretending to be Cupid, while in actual fact she was just a monster.ö

ôAnd then you dropped NorwellÆs key card on MeghanÆs desk.ö

ôYes. And I honestly thought that would be the end of it. With my tormentor finally dead, I thought I would be able to breathe againùto be free at least. But Norwell kept pining for her. He didnÆt have to say it, but I could feel it. He was still in love with the woman, in spite of everythingshe had done to me. So I finally broke down and told him. All of it. The bullying, the boyfriend she stole from meùthe reason I moved to the other side of the country, away from my friends, my familyùsimply to be as far away from her as possible. And you know what he said? That he didnÆt believe me. That I was making it all up out of sheer spite. And that if he could, he would have left me for Valina.ö

ôAnd so you decided to kill him, too,ö said Odelia.

ôI didnÆt really decide anything. I was simply so fed upà IÆd forgotten my laptop at home, so I slipped out of the parent-teacher meeting to quickly fetch it, making sure nobody saw me, since itÆs frowned upon to just disappear like that. I found Norwell in the basement, dusting off his cherished bottles, which he probably cared for more than me or the kids. He was crying, said he missed her so much. Said I couldnÆt understand what she had meant to him. As if she was the love of his life or something. I got so angry, so I just broke one of his precious bottles, just to get back athim. And when he lunged at me, in a reflex action I held it out to defend myself. It accidentally hit him in the neck, and before I knew what was happening, he was lying there, bleeding out. And I should have felt pity, or remorse, or regret, but all I felt was satisfaction and relief. In the end he had let me down. Me and the kids. So I wiped my prints, dropped the bottle, tore down those bottle racks to make it look as if someone had ransacked the place, and walked out.ö

ôAnd returned to the school.ö

ôNobody had even noticed I was gone. It was so easy, just like with Valina. As if I was invisible.ö She looked up. ôSo how did you figure it out?ö

ôWe talked to some of the parents. They did notice that you were gone for a while, Emma. And once we knew that, we checked traffic cameras along the route you took, and tracked your movements. It wasnÆt difficult to pinpoint the exact time you passed.ö

ôIÆm not sorry I killed them, you know,ö said Emma. ôThe only thing IÆm sorry about is that my kids will grow up knowing their mom killed their dad. And my parents, of course. TheyÆll be devastated.ö

And as Chase led her away, Odelia heaved a deep sigh.ôGood work, Max,ö she said. ôToo bad it was Emma. She was the last person IÆd expected.ö

ôItÆs something Kingman said that triggered a memory,ö I said. ôOr several ones, actually. Emma once told us something about a bullying campaign she was very passionate about, explaining that it was a campaign close to her heart. And then there was the fact that she and Valina had gone to the same school together. She also mentioned during a book club meeting that sheÆd once been betrayed by a boyfriend who left her for another woman, and somehow all those elements suddenly clicked. And of course when you look back, it was always obvious that it must have been her: she would be the most obvious person to have access to her husbandÆs key card, or his archery club gear, and we knew that her husband had been having an affair with Valina.ö

ôYeah, it all seems obvious now,ö said Odelia. ôBut it certainly wasnÆt obvious before.ö

ôPoor woman,ö said Dooley. ôBullying is a terrible thing, isnÆt it, Odelia?ö

ôOh, yeah. It can really traumatize a person for life. With terrible consequences.ö

Chase had returned and took a seat behind his desk.ôRight,ö he said. ôAnd now for the paperworkàö

In a few words, Odelia related to the cop what IÆd told her.

He rubbed his nose.ôI better not put that in my report. The DA might frown upon the testimony of a cat, though the defense will have a field day and might even be able to get the jury to let Emma off with a suspended sentence.ö

ôI doubt it,ö said Odelia. ôShe did confess.ö

ôYes, she did.ö He smiled at me. ôGood job, Max. You made us all look good again. And now if youÆll excuse me, folks, looks like IÆll be here all night, writing this all down!ö

Chapter 30

Tex had fired up the grill, and delicious smells were wafting from the contraption and making our mouths water. ItÆs too much to say that the man is a skilled grill master, but lately he has been proficient in not destroying what is supposed to be a feast for the taste buds and an excuse for the whole family to get together and enjoy each otherÆs company.

ôSo are you still the dispatcherdu jour, Vesta?ö asked Charlene.

ôNo, I quit,ö said Gran as she ladled potato salad onto the MayorÆs plate. ôCouldnÆt handle the abuse anymore. You wouldnÆt believe how ungrateful some people are.ö

ôI can imagine,ö said Charlene with a glance to Chief Alec.

ôHow about you, Scarlett?ö asked Marge. ôAre you still in the saddle?ö

ôNo,ö said Scarlett. ôDolores finally returned, and so my services are no longer required.ö She sounded a little peeved about this, but then thatÆs the fate of a temp: once the titular dispatcher returns to the position, the replacement is thanked for services rendered. ôI thoroughly enjoyed it, though,ö said Scarlett. ôAn invaluable experience.ö

ôA thankless experience, you mean,ö said Gran.

ôNow, what did we say about being nice, Vesta?ö said Scarlett.

Immediately Gran spirited a sort of weird grin onto her face.

ôPlease donÆt do that, Ma,ö said Uncle Alec. ôYouÆre going to scare the kids.ö

ôWhat kids? We donÆt have no kids here.ö

ôSoon,ö said Odelia with a warm smile. ôVery soon.ö

ôHave you started Lamaze yet?ö asked Scarlett. ôYou really have to get in early. I hear these classes can be very popular and book out months in advance.ö

ôOh, and donÆt forget about booking your kid into a good primary school,ö said Charlene. ôThey should be starting to take admissions soon.ö

ôAnd high school,ö Gran pointed out. ôYou canÆt apply too soon.ö

ôAnd what about university?ö Chase asked with a slow grin.

ôItÆs no laughing matter, mister,ö said Charlene. ôAll the best places fill up fast, and if you donÆt get in there first, your little one will miss an important opportunity.ö

But Odelia didnÆt look overly concerned about the possibility of missing out on signing her future baby up for college. She took all these recommendations in stride, and so did Chase. And in doing so, they cemented my conviction that they would probably make great parents to the little one.

ôWhoÆs Lamaze?ö asked Dooley.

ôItÆs a series of breathing exercises to give pain relief to the expectant mother,ö I said.

ôPain relief! What do you mean!ö

ôHaving a baby is not a walk in the park, Dooley,ö said Harriet. ôIt does involve a certain degree of stress for the human body.ö

ôNothing Odelia canÆt handle,ö said Brutus with the absolute conviction of a cat whoÆs never had babies and never will.

ôDo you think Odelia mightà die!ö Dooley demanded.

ôIt does happen that women die in labor,ö Harriet admitted.

ôOh, no!ö Dooley cried, jumping up from his seat on the porch and making it swing so powerfully that we all fell off. ôOdelia!ö he bellowed. ôStop this now! ItÆs too dangerous!ö

The humans all looked up at the commotion DooleyÆs screams had caused.

ôWhatÆs eating sweet little Dooley?ö asked Scarlett curiously.

ôHeÆs concerned about my health,ö said Odelia as Dooley jumped up onto her lap. She gave him a gentle cuddle. ôItÆs all right, Dooley,ö she said. ôIÆll be fine.ö

ôBut Harriet just said that people who have babies all die!ö

Odelia directed a censorious look in HarrietÆs direction, who shrugged it off with customary disdain. ôIÆll be perfectly safe,ö she assured our friend. ôIsnÆt that true, Dad?ö

Tex looked up from his grill. HeÆd been glued to the contraption, afraid lest he allow the sausages to burn, as he often did. The man was absentminded to a degree, and therefore probably not the best person to be allowed near food prep. ôMh?ö he said.

ôCan you explain to Dooley that nowadays having a baby poses very little risk to mother and child?ö

ôOh, absolutely,ö said Tex. ôYou see, Dooley, our hospitals are so well-equipped to handle childbirth that we have managed to reduce the risk considerably. In fact in this country youÆre probably more at risk at dying from a plant dropping on top of your head as you walk down the street than in childbirth.ö And to illustrate his statement, he started rattling off a series of statistics, gesticulating wildly with his tongs to prove his point.

ôTex, the sausages!ö suddenly Marge cried.

Black smoke was wafting up from the grill, and Tex uttered a strangled cry.

America as a civilized nation might have succeeded in considerably lowering maternal mortality with the assistance of good doctors like Tex, but this apparently didnÆt extend to the death of innocent sausages on the grill.

Lucky for us, Marge produced a fresh set of pristine sausages from a secret hiding place, and Chase took over from a disappointed Tex.

ôMy plan B,ö Marge said with a wink, long association with her husband having made her an expert on all things Tex Poole.

And so before long we were all tucking in, even Tex, who had to admit that his son-in-law made an excellent cook.

The only one who didnÆt look convinced was Dooley, but then Dooley tends to fret. I guess thatÆs what makes him Dooley, and why we all love him so much.

And weÆd all settled down and were enjoying the pleasant family gathering, when all of a sudden a loud singing sounded from a nearby tree.

ôHarriet, lovely Harriet!ö the voice caroled.

ôOh, God, not again!ö Brutus cried.

For it was indeed Jack the sparrow, who had returned to try his luck in love and fight for HarrietÆs heart once and for all.

ôIÆll duel you for her, cat!ö Jack now said, adopting a pugilistic stance and demonstrating some dazzling footwork. ôYou and meùmay the best man win!ö

ôIÆm not dueling you, bird,ö said Brutus.

ôRight here, right now!ö said Jack, flying down from his perch and walking up to Brutus. ôIÆm throwing down the gauntlet! Pick it up if you dare!ö

ôHe does have guts, doesnÆt he?ö I said.

ôOr a death wish,ö said Harriet without much excitement. She might like her suitors, but this bird definitely did not set her soul on fire.

ôLook, Jack,ö said Brutus. ôI donÆt want to fight you. So just buzz off, will you?ö

ôIÆll even let you throw the first punch!ö said Jack, and offered his right cheek.

ôWhatÆs that bird doing?ö asked Scarlett.

ôTrying to engage Brutus in a fight for HarrietÆs hand,ö Gran explained.

Jack now hauled off and gave Brutus a light kick against the paw.ôTake that, cat!ö he said. ôAnd that!ö

ôOh, for goodness sakesàö Brutus muttered, and placed his paw squarely on top of the bird, completely hiding him from view.

In spite of this harsh treatment, we could still hear Jack cry,ôYou canÆt beat me, cat! IÆm Jack the sparrow and IÆm not afraid of no stinkinÆ cat!ö

ôJust leave him be, Brutus,ö I said.

ôHeÆs so annoying,ö Brutus sighed, and removed his paw again.

Jack spent a few seconds catching his breath, then finally sank down onto his haunches, looking a little spent.ôOkay, so you won this round. But the next one is mine.ö

ôSure thing, bird,ö said Brutus magnanimously, then pushed some sausage in the sparrowÆs direction. ôCare for a piece?ö

Jack eyed it for a moment with suspicion, then relented.ôDonÆt mind if I do,ö he said.

Moments later cat and bird were sharing a meal in companionable silence.

ôThis is some pretty good stuff,ö said Jack finally.

ôIsnÆt it?ö said Brutus.

ôYou know, for a cat you ainÆt half bad.ö

ôThanks. For a bird I guess youÆre okay.ö

Hampton Cove, people. Probably the only place on the planet where cats and birds can live in peace. Then again, why wouldnÆt they? Brutus and Jack had a lot in common after all: an abiding affection for a certain capricious female feline.

More fascinating conversation was probably enjoyed by all, but at that moment sleep overtook me. Can you blame me? All this running around had seriously cut into my nap time and I needed to catch up. So I decided to get my napping in while the napping was good.

And IÆd just drifted off when suddenly Dooley piped up.

ôMax?ö

ôMh?ö

ôSo about that manÆs hairy assùö

ôDooley!ö