RL's Dream

Six

Inez used to kiss him at night when she thought he was asleep. She’d come to his corner of the big room after he’d been in bed for a while. First she’d strike a match on a piece of sandpaper that was tacked up on the wall. Then she’d puff on the pipe in little gasps until Atwater could smell the sweet smoke of her cured tobacco.

Inez came very close but he kept his eyes shut, not even making a peep, because li’l boys s’posed t’be ‘sleep when it gets dark outside — an’ thas all they is to it. But he wasn’t asleep. He was wide awake in his cot, fooling Inez; and that made him want to laugh and dance. But he couldn’t make a sound while she was still there.

Inez hovered over him. He could feel it like you could feel the harvest moon when it was over the frail sharecroppers’ huts in the Delta. And like that moon she brought sweet smells and slight breezes that tickled his skin the way Kiki did over sixty years later up on the fourth floor.

The child had ants in his hands and feet. He wanted to laugh out loud and caper to let Inez know that he was fooling her. He couldn’t keep it in, but if he moved, Inez would get mad. Inez got mad when children couldn’t control themselves. She wasn’t like Ruby. Ruby was rounder and darker and she smiled almost all the time. Inez was sweet-smelling but Ruby smelled like bread.

Ruby didn’t get mad even when Atwater kicked over the bucket of cleaned and peeled turnips, or when he threw that rock and broke Ruby’s grandmother’s colored window (which Ruby’s mother had given her from the deathbed). Ruby never got mad, She’d just let her eyes get real big and say, “Atwater! How did we let that happen?” and then they’d get together and work hard to clean up the mess before Inez could find out.

But it was Inez who came out to check on Atwater at night after the alcohol lanterns were turned down. It was always Inez. And Atwater was always scared that he wouldn’t be able to control himself and would make a peep and then Inez would be mad and he’d have bad dreams.

But, just when he knew he had to let go, Inez would take a deep draw on her pipe and blow a sweet wave of smoke over him. The ants became long dewy blades of cool grass between his fingers and toes. The moon gave way to blue sky and Atwater was rising and falling like one of the great box kites that Fitzhew made for the windy days of fall.

Atwater Wise came out of the sky and hit the ground running. Faster than the dive-bombing bumblebees and with nobody to tell him when to come in. There was chest-high yellow grass to run through and a hundred different odors of earth. There was the blood from his ankle, once, from a sharp rock hidden in the moss of Millwater Pond. There were the hilly nests of fire ants that would swarm over grasshoppers and tired dragonflies.

Cold water was good. Blood, scabbing over and sluggish, was good. Even the fire-orange specks on the shiny green eye of the dragonfly were good.

The wind through the stiff yellow grass wheezed like an old woman. Hidden in there were all kinds of birds that were named for their colors and sizes and personalities. They sang and warbled and croaked.

Crows came from the devil but they couldn’t catch him. They called his name in crow words but the little boy just laughed.

His dreams were full of colors and smells and music. There, under the blanket of Inez’s sweet smoke, he ran and played while she sat back — too old to have fun anymore.

And then the kiss. Warm and moist. It was only when she thought that he was asleep that Inez kissed Atwater. The loud groan of a timber and the snick of the door told the boy that Inez had gone back to the big bed with Ruby. He could open his eyes, but now he was too tired to move.

The young boy fell asleep but the old man came awake. Tears saved up from over half a century came for the death of that poor dragonfly. The red bird, the gray fat warbler — lost. Soupspoon had tears over the great herons and the train that ran right through town carrying the big bales of cotton down to the Mississippi River.

He remembered the one-eyed cat that came to the window to look into the house; looking for Inez’s praying mantis like Death searching for that one soul who slipped away behind some trees and was overlooked, half forgotten.

Soupspoon remembered days and days down by the river with his little boyfriends — fishing, rafting, swimming among the catfish and carp.

He remembered the cotton fields and all the men and women lumbering off to work from the plantation barracks. Hollers and calls came from the fields even before the sun was up. But it was silence he heard at the end of the day.

I’m way past tired to almost dead, Job Hockfoot would say. But by midnight on Saturday he was dancing full out.

A Negro didn’t own too much back then, but he had the ears to hear music and the hands and mouth to make it. Washboards, washtubs, and homemade guitars. Mouth harps from the dime store and songs from deep down in the well...

“No, daddy,” Kiki cried. Her voice was small and helpless.

Soupspoon wondered if it was her nightmare that woke him.

He sat up to look. The blankets were all kicked off her bed. Her naked behind was thrust up in the air because she was hunched over the pillow and some sheet.

“No.”

A white woman; skinny butt stuck out at me like a ripe peach on a low branch. There was nobody left to tell. Nobody left to understand how strange it was, how scary it was. Nobody to laugh and ask, “An’ then what you did?”

An’ then I died, Soupspoon said to himself. There was nobody there to hear him. And even if there was — so what?

That was the blues.

He was eleven years old the first time he heard the blues. The year was 1932. It was on a Saturday and Atwater had been hanging around at a barn party. He got to stay late because Inez forgot to send him home.

It was Phil Wortham playing on a homemade four-string guitar with Tiny Hill working a squeeze-box. It wasn’t like anything that Atwater had ever heard. The music made him want to move, and the words, the words were like the talk people talked every day, but he listened closer and he heard things that he never heard before.

Your heart breaking or your well running dry. Things like cake batter at the bottom of the bowl and the mist clinging to the road on summer mornings.

The music made Atwater want to dance, so he knew that it had to be good.

A good friend of the boy’s — an older man named Bannon — had been killed only a week earlier. Atwater hadn’t shed a tear.

People died in the Delta; they died all the time. Atwater hadn’t cried, but a dark feeling came over him. He didn’t know what it was until he heard Phil and Tiny play at the barn party. He didn’t know that he had the blues.

That music had changed him. From then on at night, after Ruby and Inez had gone to bed, he’d go out the window and make it down to the Milky Way.

The Milky Way was a beat-up old chicken barn that had been coated with tar and dotted with yellow splotches of paint that were supposed to be stars. It was a lopsided ugly building in the daylight. But at night, when you came through Captaw Creek and around the old elm, it looked like something magic; like, Atwater thought, a hill house of God.

He was too young to go into a juke joint, but he made up his mind to try on his birthday.

And so on a summer’s evening, when the sun was still out, Atwater told Ruby that he and Petey Simms were going to set nets for crayfish down at the creek. But really they meant to take the quarter that Fitzhew had given Atwater for his birthday and get two glasses of whiskey from Oja, the midget owner of the Milky Way.

Petey made it as far as the old elm — where he stopped and gawked as Atwater walked on ahead.

“Wha’ wrong wichyou, Petey Simms?” Atwater asked when he turned to see that he was alone.

Petey just shook his head. He was a long-necked heavy-eyed youngster who everybody but Atwater called Turtle.

Atwater followed Petey’s gaze to two women who were standing out in front of the juke. They were big women wearing loose dresses that flowed in the breezes, flaring up now and then to expose their legs. They had very big legs. Petey was looking at those women (especially, Atwater knew, at those legs) and shaking his head.

Atwater was scared too but he thought that they’d be safe as long as they stuck together.

“Come on,” he said. “They ain’t gonna bite you.”

He said it loudly to shame his friend, but he didn’t expect the women to hear.

“Hey you,” one of them shouted.

Petey took off like a scared hare. Shoop! He was gone.

“Hey, boy!” the voice called out again. “You!”

One of them was coining toward him. She had a kind of rolling motion in her thighs as she walked. She waved for him to come to her while her friend stayed back near the juke, shading her eyes to see.

“Me?”

“Come here!” the woman shouted — none too kindly. She was tall and heavy-chested with hair that was combed straight back from her head.

“Come here!”

Atwater’s bare feet obeyed, but he didn’t want to walk down there.

“Hurry up, boy! I ain’t got all night!” The big woman was smiling, one meaty fist on her hip.

“Yes, ma’am?” Atwater said when he stood before the woman.

“Elma,” she said. Her smile revealed that one of her upper front teeth was gone. Another one had been broken in half. “Elma Ponce is my name. What’s yours?”

“A-A-Atty...”

“A-A-Atty,” Elma mocked the poor boy. “What you doin’ out here, A-A-Atty? Yo’ momma know you here?”

“Elma, what you messin’ wit’ this baby for?” The other woman had come up to them.

They seemed like women then, but now, on Kiki’s couch, Soupspoon remembered them as teenagers — maybe eighteen. But they were women to Atty Wise. They wore the same cut of loose dress. Elma’s dress was blue while her friend’s was a washed-out orange.

“Jus’ playin’ wit’im, Theresa.” Elma took Atwater by the arm. “What you doin’ here, Atty?” The sweetness in her voice was not lost on him.

“My birfday,” he whispered.

“What? Talk up.”

“My birfday today.”

Elma showed her snaggle teeth again. “Yo’ birfday? An’ you come down to Milky Way to get a kiss?”

“N-no...” Atwater said. He could feel himself shaking but couldn’t stop.

“You scarin’ the poor boy, Elma,” Theresa laughed. “Let him be.”

“I come to get a drink on my birfday day,” Atwater said. He said it fast to keep Elma from getting mad. He didn’t want to see her mad. “I come t’get a drink wit’ my birfday quatah.”

“You got a quatah?” Theresa asked. She was black-skinned and good-looking the way a handsome man looks good.

“Uh-huh. Yes, ma’am.”

Elma, still holding the boy by his arm, pulled Atwater toward the door of the Milky Way. “Come on,” was all she said.

The dark blue front door had a big drippy yellow circle painted in the middle. That circle was supposed to be the moon.

Elma pushed the door open, dragging Atty in behind her. Theresa followed up the rear, holding on to his pants.

Elma went up to the bar and shouted, “Oja! Bring a pint bottle ovah here!” She pointed across the dark room to a row of makeshift booths hammered together against the far wall.

“The hell I will,” small fat Oja replied. He climbed up on his stool to face her. “Where you gonna come up wit’ money for a pint an’ not ten minutes ago you couldn’t even buy no beer?”

Theresa pinched Atty’s butt and giggled in his ear.

He was thankful for her closeness, because the Milky Way on the inside scared him to death. The floor was black and sticky, covered with crushed peanut shells. It smelt of sweat and sour beer. The ceiling was uneven and low; at some points a full-grown man wouldn’t have been able to stand up straight.

And it was hot.

“I cain’t pay for it,” Elma hooted. “But my boyfriend here could.”

Elma yanked Atty’s arm, pulling him away from Theresa and up next to her.

“Well? Pay the man, Atty,” she said. “You want yo’ birfday toast, don’t ya?”

Atwater took the quarter from the pocket of his cutoff trousers and handed it to Elma.

“Not to me. Give it to the barman an’ tell’im what you want. That’s what you do when you a man.”

Oja had a mashed-in black face with a long cigar stuck out between his battered lips. He was too small to work in the cotton fields, so he had to go into business for himself.

“Well?” the bartender asked.

Atty pressed his quarter into the pudgy little hand.

“Yo’ a’ntees know you down here, boy?” Oja asked once the coin was in his pocket.

“Yes sir.”

“You sure?” Oja had this thing he did with his eyes. He’d open one very wide and close the other until it was just a glistening slit.

“Put that eye back in yo’ head, nigger,” Elma warned. “He done told you that they know an’ he done give you his money too. So pull down that pint. The deep brown stuff too.”

After they collected their whiskey and tin cup, Elma pushed Atty until she had him dammed up between her and the wall in the booth. Theresa sat on the other side. She held his hand from across the table. After tasting the first drink, Elma leaned up against him, rubbing his chest and holding the cup to his lips.

“Drink, Atty. Thas it. Take some more, baby. This here will make you into a man.”

His tongue and throat burned. The fumes from that homemade brew made his eyes tear and his breath come short. But what Atty felt most was Elma rubbing and pinching his chest.

“We gonna grow some hair right ovah here tonight,” she whispered.

Theresa’s smile was bright against black skin.

They all drank. Atwater held his breath as he watched the cup go from Theresa’s lips to Elma’s mouth and then to him. Their hands were all over him and they laughed more and more with the liquor.

Elma was almost on top of him. She let her arm rest in his lap.

“I think A-A-Atty like me, Theresa,” she said.

Theresa reached over and grabbed Atwater by the back of his neck. She pulled on him until they were kissing across the table.

“You better let up from him, bitch,” Elma said in a serious tone. “I’m the one found’im. He mine tonight.”

When they weren’t fighting or feeling on Atty the women talked trash. Atty learned that they lived on Peale’s Slope: a little shantytown where most Negroes slept under propped-up shelters with no walls or right outside on the ground if the weather was good. Elma stayed with her old uncle up there in a small cabin. Theresa had lived with them since her boyfriend had left her.

Atwater wanted to know everything about these women. He could repeat every word of what they said, but he didn’t understand it all. For years after that night he’d remember things they said and suddenly, because of something that would happen, he’d realize what they meant.

As evening came on, people began to fill up the bar. It got noisier and smokier but Atwater hardly noticed. Theresa and Elma were enough for him. When Elma would lean close he looked down between her breasts and she’d give him her shattered smile and say, “Atty? What you lookin’ at?”

“How you girls doin’?” A slender man slid in on the bench next to Theresa, but he was looking Elma in the eye.

“Who you askin’?” Elma replied. She took Atty’s hand and held it tight.

“You, baby. Who else I’ma be talkin’ to?”

“All I know, nigger, is that you was s’posed t’be here nine days ago.”

“Nigger?” The man had a baby face, but when he smiled he looked evil. Elma’s hand tightened under that smile, and Atwater’s heart began to race.

“I don’t know what you smilin’ at. Atty here took me out for a drink, so he my boyfriend tonight.” Elma’s voice had lost all of its play.

The fine young face turned toward Atty. He smiled again without showing his teeth.

“Cody,” Theresa asked, “what you doin’ here?”

“I said I was comin’,” he said.

“That was more’n a week ago.”

“I had sumpin’ to do, woman. I got here as soon as I could.”

“What you had to do?” Elma asked.

“I don’t see what’s it to you. You done already got another boyfriend.” Cody smiled and reached down beside him. He brought out of his overalls a full quart bottle of store-bought Old Crow whiskey. “I planned to say I was sorry wit’ this here, but I guess I got to find me another girlfriend.

“You still wit’ John, Theresa?”

The handsome black woman’s mouth came open and she shook her head to say that she was not.

“Theresa!” Elma shouted.

“I ain’t did nuthin’,” Theresa screamed. She licked her lips and avoided Cody’s smiling eyes. “He jus’ axed an’ I told’im.”

“You ain’t gonna go messin’ ’round right under my nose,” Elma said. She was crushing Atwater’s hand.

“Come on, girls,” Cody said. “Don’t let’s fight. They’s whiskey for all of us. Right, Atty?”

“I... I think I had enough,” the boy answered. The room was hot but his forehead felt like ice. “I got... I gots to go home.”

Cody reached down into his pants again and came out with a long homemade knife. The blade was from a five-inch metal saw that had been shaped and sharpened by a grinding stone. It was black and jagged but Atwater could see that it was still sharp. The haft was wadded cork wound tightly around with fly-green fishing twine.

Cody put the knife down next to the bottle and said, “You not refusin’ my hospitality now is ya, man?”

“Cody...”

“Shet yo’ mouf, Theresa. Ain’t nobody axed you. If this man here is man enough take my woman then he man enough t’drink wit’ me.”

Elma sat stock-still. She let go of Atty’s hand. That was the scariest moment for Atwater, because he knew that if Elma was scared then he didn’t have a chance.

“I drink it,” Atty said.

While he was still smiling, Cody poured the tin cup full to the brim and then pushed it in front of Atwater.

“Cody, he cain’t drink all that,” Theresa said. “He ain’t no man.”

Cody raised his hand and Theresa flinched back so hard that she banged her head on the wall.

Atwater picked up the cup and started sipping. Fifty and more years gone by and he was still amazed that he had the strength to drink as much as he did.

Cody put a finger to the boy’s throat to make sure that he was swallowing.

When Atty finally put the cup down, Cody smiled and said, “That’s only half.”

The room changed after Atwater drank. Most of what he heard was just noise but he could hear some talk, even from across the room, very clearly. Colors became stronger and the yellow paint on the walls really did look to be stars.

Elma was saying something but he couldn’t make it out.

“I gotta go,” Atwater said.

“See?” Elma pointed at him. “You done made the boy sick.”

She moved quickly to get up off the bench and let Atwater out. He slid over with no problem, but standing up was a whole new experience. One leg gave way and then the other. He struck the table with his chin, but the feeling was more sweet than it was painful. He was afraid of falling to the sticky floor, but Cody caught him before he tumbled all the way.

The evil baby face came up close to his and said, “You go out an’ do yo’ business an’ then come on back, ya hear?”

The boy thought about nodding — maybe he did.

“ ’Cause if you ain’t back in two minutes I’ma come out there an’ cut you bad.”

Then Cody pushed Atwater toward the door. It was a crooked path to get there; bouncing off one body and then into somebody else. It was like a playful child’s dance with everyone laughing and pushing. He didn’t mind the horseplay though, because, even in that small room, he was too drunk to find the door by himself.

There was the moon again. About three-quarters floating in a thick black eye. The night clouds were golden shoulders for that cyclops. The air was chill and for deep breathing, not like the hell smoke of the Milky Way.

While Atwater relieved himself he laughed because it felt so good. Then he started walking. The leaves crackled and the stream sounded like baby bells. Every footfall was a bass drum going off.

He was lost but that didn’t matter. He had a long talk with his murdered friend and said goodbye.

He scraped and scuffed himself and finally fell face forward in the cold stream. The water sobered him for a moment and he sat on a big rock and wondered where he was.

Once he heard somebody call his name. At first he thought that it was Inez out looking for him. He almost called out but then he worried that it might be Cody. So he kept quiet and played dead.

The next morning he awoke in Alyce Griggs’s barn, just about a quarter mile from his house. A white hen was clucking and dancing around his feet.

“What you doin’ in here, boy?”

When Atwater lifted his eyes to see the woman he felt sharp pain throughout his head and jaw.

“Sorry, Miss Griggs,” he said to the elderly white woman. “I got drunk at Milky Way an’ I landed here in yo’ barn.”

“That’s the devil in you, Atty,” the scrawny white woman warned. “You know that, don’t ya?”

“Yes, ma’am,” he said, and meant it.

“Go on now. I hope Inez hides you good.”

He never did get a beating for that night. When Atwater came through the door he was staggering from fever. The chill and the whiskey had made him sick. For three weeks Ruby and Inez took turns sitting over him, covering his forehead with damp towels and feeding him foul home remedies one after the other.

His lungs filled up and his dreams walked around the house with a life of their own. He choked and coughed and finally accepted that he was going to die. He made his goodbyes to Ruby and Inez so bravely that even stone-faced Inez cried.

When Atwater got out of bed again he knew that he was a man.

“Daddy?” Kiki was sitting up in the bed.

“You okay?” Soupspoon asked.

Fully naked, she got up from the bed and came over to the couch. She sat spread-legged before him and held out her hands for him to hold.

It wasn’t sex on her part. It was a frightened girl, no older than Atty at the Milky Way, holding out her hands to be saved.

“What’s wrong?”

“I don’t know. I’m scared,” she said all at once. “I’m scared of... of...”

“What?”

Kiki told him about her dreams of a stone boy stalking her with his knife.

“It’s okay, honey,” Soupspoon said when she was through. “He ain’t gonna get in here.”

“That’s not all,” she said, avoiding his eyes.

“What else is it?”

“I can’t tell you yet. I... I have to wait.”

“Okay,” he said, trying to catch her eye without ogling her orange-brown crotch. “I’ll be here when you ready.”

“What’s wrong?” Kiki asked. “Why you look away from me?”

“I don’t know. It’s just that you’re a nice girl. You should cover up in front of a old man like me.”

“You shy?” She smirked while trying to get him to meet her gaze.

“Naw, I ain’t shy. I seen it all. But I like you an’ I feel like I don’t wanna get the wrong idea.”

Kiki’s face went smooth when he said that. Her eyes became perfect circles with tears beaded up on the lashes. She leaned forward as if she meant to hug Soupspoon but then she got up and went to the bed and rummaged around on the floor. She came up with a ratty brown robe and wrapped herself in it.

She held out her arms as she came back to the couch.

“Can I hug you, Mr. Wise?”

“Sure.”

“I won’t let anything happen to you,” she whispered into the embrace.

Soupspoon was thinking about little Atty wandering through the wilderness over stones white as skulls.