Rule of Three

Chapter Eighteen

She couldn’t go home. Chris was there. She couldn’t go to her parents. There was only one place she could go.

Hailey opened the door of her small apartment and the surprise on her face quickly morphed into concern. “Hey,” she said, eyebrows pulled together. “Are you okay?”

Kassidy shook her head. She walked in, collapsed onto a chair and buried her face in her hands.

“Kassidy.”

She felt the warmth of Hailey’s hand as she touched her back. They weren’t the kind of sisters who hugged and touched each other. Hell, they barely talked to each other sometimes. But the gesture comforted her in some small, weird way.

“I’m okay,” she finally said, lifting her head. She dragged her palms over wet cheeks, pushed her hair off her face. “I think.”

“What the hell happened?” Hailey took a seat on her couch, her knees almost touching Kassidy’s at a right angle. Hailey’s legs were bare beneath the frayed edge of a pair of jean cut-offs. “It’s not Mom, is it?”

“No.” She squeezed the word out of a tight throat. “Not Mom.”

She leaned back and rested her head against the back of the chair, closed her eyes. Pain throbbed inside her, along with a swirl of confusion. “It’s a long story.”

“I’m sure it is.” But Hailey’s voice held none of her usual mocking tone. “Did you come here to tell me? Or just to…come here?”

“I don’t know. I just know I can’t go home.”

Hailey frowned. “You and Chris? Did you have a fight?”

“Sort of. My life is so messed up, Hailey.” She pressed the heels of her hands to her aching eyes. “I don’t know what’s going on and I don’t know what to do.”

Silence blanketed the room, but that was okay. Hailey probably didn’t know what to say and wisely didn’t say anything.

Finally Hailey did speak. “I know you probably don’t want advice from me, and that’s okay. I’m not exactly the best person to give advice anyway. But if you just want to talk…sometimes that helps.”

“Yeah.” Kassidy moved her head, eyes still closed. “Yeah. Okay.”

She told Hailey about her and Chris and Dag. Hailey listened and didn’t say much, and Kassidy appreciated that. She did not want someone judging her or telling her what a stupid idiot she’d been—because she already knew that.

“So Dag’s in love with Chris,” Hailey repeated slowly. “And Chris has no idea?”

“Nope. Never has. And Dag doesn’t want him to know.”

“Well. That sucks for Dag.” She eyed Kassidy curiously. “So why are you so upset?”

That was the big question, wasn’t it? Kassidy drew her shredded dignity around her as best she could, tried to gather up her running-wild thoughts. “I think I…sort of fell in love with Dag.”

Hailey’s mouth opened. Closed. She blinked.

“Not like you think,” Kassidy added. “I still love Chris. I think…oh god, this is crazy. I think I love both of them.”

Hailey blinked again. “Oh.”

Kassidy licked her lips, looked at her hands, her fingers twisting together. “But it hurts. I thought Dag cared about me too, and it hurts to think he was just using to me to get to Chris.”

“Ah.”

Kassidy lifted her head. Once again, Hailey had a holy-fucking-shit look on her face, though she said only that one word.

“And I’m terrified. Because I think Chris might have feelings for Dag. He won’t admit it. He’s such a stubborn ass.”

“What makes you think that?” Hailey’s words were a bare whisper, her eyes wide.

Kassidy couldn’t tell her what had happened last night. It was too personal. Too secret. Chris would kill her if Hailey knew about that. “I just…have a feeling. Some things…that happened.” She shrugged.

“I can’t believe that, Kassidy. Really. Chris loves you. He’s crazy about you. It’s so obvious, always has been.” Hailey gave a short laugh. “It’s enough to make me jealous.”

Jealous? Kassidy peered at her sister through gritty, swollen eyes. Hailey jealous of her? Yeah right.

“That’s not to say he doesn’t care about Dag. But…”

“Would a guy let another guy suck his dick if he wasn’t into that?”

Hailey didn’t even flinch. She met Kassidy’s gaze steadily. “I’ve met people who are…just…attracted to other people. It doesn’t matter if they’re male or female. It’s just some kind of chemistry or attraction.”

Kassidy nodded. Was that Dag? Mind-bogglingly, she was grateful for Hailey’s experience and her acceptance of the question for what it was. Jesus, her world had turned upside down and inside out.

Then, her body trembling, her stomach in knots, she spoke aloud the words that scared her the most, the ones she had to drag from way down deep inside, hoping that saying them aloud would take the fear out of them. “If Chris cares about Dag…and Dag cares about him…where does that leave me?”

“Oh Kassie.” Hailey swallowed. “You’re fine. I told you Chris loves you. Go home to him. Talk to him. Dag’s leaving and you two will be fine.”

“Can I just let Dag leave? Can I just let that happen, knowing they might…never see each other again? That they might…”

Hailey’s face flickered with emotions. “Are you asking for my advice?”

“No. I don’t know. I don’t know what to do! How can I live with myself if I never tell Chris the truth…about how Dag feels for him? What if that makes a difference? I’m so afraid! What if he really wants to be with Dag? Can I spend the rest of my life wondering that, keeping that secret inside me?”

Hailey bit her lip.

“But if I tell him, what if he decides he’d rather be with Dag than with me?”

“He wouldn’t do that.” Hailey leaned forward. “Chris loves you, Kass. You know that.”

Kassidy nodded, twisting her fingers together so tightly they hurt. Her eyes stung with more tears. “I just don’t want to lose him! But…maybe I already have.” The agony inside her burst out then in harsh, painful sobs and she bent over the arm of the chair, crying in breath-stealing, gut-wrenching gusts.

Why had they done this crazy ménage thing? How could they have blindly thought they could just all have sex together without any of this happening? They must have been out of their minds. The enormity of it rose up inside her, terrible, unbearable, painful.

They’d messed up their lives so thoroughly Kassidy couldn’t see at that point how this was ever going to be okay. And maybe that’s what she deserved.

“I’m sorry,” she gasped long moments later. Hailey handed her tissues. “Thanks.”

“It’s okay. I’m sorry too. I wish I could do more to help.”

She shook her head, mopping up. Her face felt hot and tight, eyes burning. “I got myself into this. But thanks.”

Stunningly, Hailey reached out and took her hand. “Kassidy. I…” She looked at Kassidy and nibbled her bottom lip again, her eyes dark with anxiety. “I…know we haven’t been close. It’s hard to be your sister.”

Kassidy’s eyes flew wide. What?

“You’re so goddamn perfect,” Hailey continued in a low voice. “I couldn’t ever be as good as you. So I didn’t even try. I just tried to be bad. But I want you to know I never would wish this on you. Truly. Your perfect life, your perfect job, your perfect boyfriend. I envied you. Even when I discovered you having a hot threesome with two gorgeous guys, I was envious. But I never… I hate seeing you like this. I really do.”

“Oh Hailey.” Kassidy stared at her, mouth open. Hailey was jealous of her? That was just freaky. Because she’d been jealous of Hailey.

Life was so strange. When you could be jealous of the things someone else had at the same time they were jealous of what you had. Why couldn’t everyone just be grateful for who they were and what they had without comparing it to others? Why was she like that with Hailey? Just because they were sisters? Was it because Kassidy really did deep down inside love her and that’s why she had the power to make her so angry, so frustrated, the power to make her feel so insecure and inferior? But then Hailey must care about Kassidy too, if she made her feel the same way. They made each other feel bad even though they never intended to, even though you were supposed to make the people you cared about feel good. There was something wrong with that, but she couldn’t figure it all out at that moment; it was beyond her.

Hailey reached for Kassidy’s hands and they sat there for a moment, all four of their hands clasped together.

Kassidy sighed. “Oh Hailey. How can you be jealous of me, for being so good? When all I wanted was to be bad for once. That’s what got me into this mess. I was tired of being the good girl. You made me feel like some kind of boring prude, and I wanted some adventure, I wanted to do something naughty.”

“That’s why you did that?” Hailey’s eyebrows flew up into her hairline.

“Well. That was part of it.” Kassidy paused. “Thank you,” she finally said. “For being here for me. I still don’t know what to do, but thank you.”

Hailey nodded, her mouth soft and trembly, her throat working. “And just for the record, I think Dag cares about you too.” Hailey met her eyes. “That night at Mom and Dad’s, he was acting very protective of you. And I’m telling you Chris loves you too. I don’t think you have to worry about your relationship with him.”

Kassidy blinked wetly at her. She swallowed. And at that moment, even though Hailey didn’t say it, Kassidy thought that maybe Hailey loved her too.

Dag had said you didn’t have to love family. He’d said you loved the people you chose to love. But Kassidy wasn’t so sure it was a choice–her feelings for Hailey were there.

Was it a choice to love Chris? She’d always thought falling in love was something that happened to you, not something you chose. Did she choose to love Dag? Maybe you could love more than one person, if you chose to. Could you?

Could Dag? Could Chris?

Chris sprawled on the couch, bare feet propped on the coffee table, a baseball game on the television. He had no fucking clue what the score was, in fact, he didn’t even know who the hell was playing. He just stared at it while his mind churned.

He’d called Kassidy’s cell phone but she wasn’t answering. Where the hell had she gone? What was she so pissed off about? It gave him a headache thinking about all this emotional crap and he didn’t like it, not one bit. His gut felt like a stone had lodged inside it and his chest ached. He glared at the television. Wanted to punch it.

Fuck.

He blamed fucking Dag. Why had he had to go and do something so lame-assed stupid? But that memory had the disturbing effect of making his dick twitch.

Jesus Christ. He could not be turned on by that. It was fucking insane. No wonder Kassidy was pissed off at him.

No, that wasn’t right. He heaved a sigh. That’s not what she was mad about. She was pissed off at him, but he wasn’t getting why.

Because he’d sent Dag away?

Yeah, that might be it. She’d been all riled up when he’d invited Dag to stay without consulting her. This time she probably wanted him to talk to her before he’d asked Dag to leave. Except he hadn’t exactly asked Dag to leave, hadn’t admitted to her that he’d kicked Dag’s ass out of there.

That had been a fucking clusterfuck of a scene, confronting Dag that morning. He’d dragged Dag’s ass out of bed before Kassidy woke up, then told him to pack his stuff and get the hell out.

His gut cramped. He rubbed the sharp pain in the middle of his chest. What a fucking mess.

The sound of the door opening had him jumping to his feet.

Kassidy.

“Hey,” he said, relief pouring through him like Niagara Falls. She walked in, looking like she’d come from a fucking funeral.

“I went to see Dag.”

He took a step back, feeling like he’d been punched in the stomach. “Dag.” She’d been gone a long time. Hours. Shit.

“Yeah.”

Christ, she looked like hell. He’d never seen her so distraught–her eyes all red and swollen, her nose red, lips puffy, face blotchy. She was such a beautiful mess.

“Are you okay? C’mere, sweetheart, you’ve been crying…”

“Oh Chris.”

She melted into his arms and he held her tightly, pressed his face against her hair, inhaled the familiar scent of it. They stood there, swaying a little, hearts beating in tandem. “I love you, sweetheart. I do. So much.”

“Really?”

She looked up at him with big, wet eyes.

“Of course.” He frowned. “I know I pissed you off. I should have talked to you before I asked Dag to leave, but…I was mad too, and…”

She choked on a laugh. “You think that’s why I’m mad at you?”

“Hell, I don’t have a hot fucking clue why you’re mad at me,” he said helplessly. “You know I’m not good at shit like this. Are you mad because of the whole threesome thing? That we made you do that?”

“I did it of my own free will,” she said. “I can’t blame you or Dag for that. I had the chance to stop it and I didn’t. And I loved it.” Her voice snagged on the last words and she swiped some tears. “I’m sure as hell mad at myself for doing it though, considering how things have turned out.”

“It’s okay, sweetheart. It’s okay. Dag’s gone, and we’re going to be fine.”

“That’s what Hailey said.”

He frowned. “You went to see Hailey?”

“I didn’t know where else to go. You know what? It was good.” She waved a hand. “I’ll tell you about that later. But we need to talk.”

Shit. Sure they did, and he’d rather eat a pair of Kassidy’s high-heeled shoes than have this conversation, but it was going to happen, sure as shit, he knew that. He sighed.

“Let’s sit.”

They sat side by side on the couch, Kassidy turned to face him. His heart constricted at the sight of her poor little face all swollen and red, the misery in her eyes, the quivering of her soft mouth. He touched his fingertips to her bottom lip.

“I went to see Dag. We talked. He says he’s leaving Tuesday morning to go back to San Francisco.”

Chris nodded. His body tightened, heart ached.

Kassidy drew in a long breath and let it out on a shaky exhale. “He told me something. Something in confidence. He doesn’t want you to know this, but I…” She stopped and breathed again. Chris’s gut clenched even more. “I’ve thought about it and I decided I have to tell you. I can’t live the rest of our lives keeping this from you.” Her eyes met his, hers liquid and dark, full of emotion.

“What is it?” His voice came out scratchy. He cleared his throat. “Oh fuck, Kass. Don’t tell me.”

He turned away and closed his eyes, blades slicing his insides open. He’d been afraid Kassidy had fallen in love with Dag. She’d gone to him. Had Dag fallen in love with her too?