S is for Silence

27

Saturday, July 4, 1953

Liza Mellincamp often thought about her fourteenth birthday, which fell on July 3, 1953, the day before Violet Sullivan left Serena Station. Years later, she found it hard to believe so much changed in that forty-eight-hour period. She’d spent the morning of her birthday cleaning her room. Violet was taking her out for lunch, and Liza wanted to be ready in plenty of time. She had never eaten in a real restaurant and she could hardly contain herself. She and her mother had once shared a tuna sandwich at a drugstore lunch counter, but that wasn’t the same.

At 9:30 she turned on her Philco clock radio and listened to The Romance of Helen Trent and Our Gal Sunday while she made her bed, emptied the wastebasket, and shoved her dirty clothes into the hamper. Monday, she’d take everything to the Laundromat as she did every week. She’d end up doing most of the household chores in any event because her mom was usually too drunk to do much except lie on the couch in the living room, smoking cigarettes and burning holes in the rim of the wood coffee table. She tidied and dusted her desktop, night table, and bookshelves. She shook out the scatter rugs off the porch rail and left them there to air. She wet-mopped the linoleum on her bedroom floor and then went over it with Johnson’s Jubilee, liking the glossy wet shine, though she knew it would dull as it dried. In the bathroom, she scrubbed the tub, toilet, and sink with Babbo cleanser. There were too many chips and stains to make a difference, but she felt better knowing it was done.

At 11:00 she ironed her best white Ship’n Shore blouse with the Peter Pan collar and baby doll sleeves. She took a shower and got dressed. Violet had called to say she had a big surprise, and when she and Daisy swung by the house at 11:45, she was driving a brand-new Chevrolet. She laughed at Liza’s wide-eyed response. Liza couldn’t remember ever even sitting in a new car, and here she was marveling at the white sidewall tires, the dashboard, the interior upholstery, and shiny chrome window cranks.

Violet drove into Santa Maria, where the three of them had lunch in the tea room at the Savoy Hotel. Liza and Violet both had shrimp cocktails for a first course and then this tiny cup of chicken soup and a plate of finger sandwiches-brown bread with cream cheese and chopped nuts, egg salad, ham salad, even one with watercress and thinly sliced radishes. She and Violet ate with their little fingers crooked up, pretending to be oh so lah-di-dah. Daisy had buttered noodles, which was just about the only thing she’d eat except for Welch’s grape jelly on bread. They had layer cake for dessert, and Liza’s arrived with a candle in it, which she blew out, blushing with pleasure as the waiters and waitresses stood around and sang to her. Just when she thought life couldn’t be any more perfect, Violet handed her a small box wrapped in beautiful lavender paper. Liza opened the gift with trembling fingers. Inside there was a silver heart-shaped locket about the size of fifty-cent piece. Inside there was a tiny photograph of Violet. “And look at this,” she said.

She pulled the photo aside to reveal a second heart-shaped compartment behind the first. “That’s for your true love,” Violet said, pointing to the blank space. “I predict within a year, you’ll know exactly who it is.”

“Thank you.”

“Oh, Sweetie, don’t cry. It’s your birthday.”

“This is the best day of my life.”

“You’ll have others much better, but enjoy. Here, let’s put it on.”

Liza turned around and lifted her hair while Violet fixed the clasp. Liza put her hand against the locket that was nestled in the hollow of her throat. The silver was already warm from contact with her skin. Her lucky charm. She could hardly quit touching it.

Violet paid for lunch out of a thick wad of bills, making sure everybody noticed. She seemed pleased as Punch and more than once remarked that life was soon going to be one hundred percent improved. Liza thought if that were really true, she wouldn’t have to repeat it four times during the meal, but Violet was like that.

“Oh geez Louise, I almost forgot,” she said. “I need a babysitter tomorrow night. Are you free?”

Liza’s smile faded. “Not really. Kathy and I are going to the fireworks.”

Violet looked at her with a momentary consternation, having assumed she’d agree. “Couldn’t you skip just this once?”

“I don’t know. I told her I’d go with her, and I don’t want to break a date.”

“Trust me, if you’re going out with a girl, it’s not a date. It’s marking time.”

“Couldn’t you get someone else?”

“Oh for heaven’s sake, Lies. At this late date? There’s no chance. Besides, Kathy’s a sourpuss. I’ve seen the way she bosses you around. Aren’t you ever going to stand up to her?”

“Maybe I could come for a little while. Until eight forty-five. We could hold off going over to the park till then.”

Violet fixed Liza in her clear green gaze. “If you sat the whole evening, you could have Ty come over. You know I wouldn’t care. Missing the fireworks isn’t that big a deal. There’s always next year.”

Liza was stricken. What was she supposed to say? The day had been so perfect, all because of Violet, who wanted only this one small thing.

Violet’s eyes widened. “Please, please, please? You can’t let Kathy take up all your time. I really need the help.”

Liza didn’t see how she could refuse. She sat for Violet all the time. Violet had been counting on her even if she forgot to ask. And Kathy had been such a pill of late. “All right, I guess. Maybe I can do something with her on Sunday instead.”

“Thank you, Sugar Bun. You are too too sweet.”

“That’s okay,” Liza said, flushing with pleasure. Praise of any kind always made her warm.

After lunch, for the finale, Violet took Liza and Daisy to see a 3-D movie called Bwana Devil, with Robert Stack and Barbara Britton. It had been in the theaters for seven months, but it hadn’t come to Santa Maria until recently. The three of them settled in front-row seats with their cardboard glasses, wearing wax lips for fun, munching popcorn and Milk Duds. Violet told her that for the early 3-D movies, one lens of the give-away glasses was green and the other was red. This was new technology, Polaroid, with both lenses clear, though Violet wasn’t quite sure how either process worked. Why one green and one red lens would produce a 3-D effect was beyond her, she said. The credits began and they settled in. Unfortunately, the first time a lion jumped straight out of the screen at them, Daisy got hysterical and cried so hard Liza had to take her out to the lobby and sit for an hour.

Still, it was the best birthday Liza could remember, and she hated to see the day come to an end.

After they got back to the Sullivans’, Liza sat with Daisy for an hour while Violet ran an errand. Thankfully, Foley didn’t get home until 6:00, so she didn’t have to deal with him. True to form, Violet took longer than she said, so it was close to 5:45 by the time Liza finally got to her house. Her mother heard her come in and called her into the living room. Liza stood at the door while her mother struggled into a sitting position. Her mother had that fuzzy look that made Liza want to scream.

“What,” she said. She didn’t want to spoil the good mood she was in, but she knew better than to ignore her mom.

“Word of warning. Kathy Cramer came by with your birthday present, and when she found out you weren’t here, she got that look on her face.” Her mother’s consonants were only slightly soft. In her own curious way, she was aware of what was going on.

Liza felt her heart sink. The last thing in the world she wanted was for Kathy to find out she’d had lunch with Violet and had seen Bwana Devil afterward. Kathy had been talking about Bwana Devil for weeks, trying to get her dad to drive them into town and drop them at the theater. Liza didn’t feel she was under any obligation to wait and go with her, but she knew Kathy would see it differently. “What’d you tell her?”

“I forget. I made some excuse for you. She woke me from a sound sleep, standing on the porch, pounding on the front door like the house was burning down. I hollered for her to hold her horses, but by the time I got there, she was already acting like she had a stick up her butt. I told her I didn’t have a clue where you were and she got all snotty and sullen. Honestly, Liza, what do you see in her? She’s chained to you like a rock and she’s dragging you down.”

“You didn’t mention Violet?”

“Why would I do that?”

“Where’d you put the present?”

“She took it to your room and said she’d leave it on your desk.”

Liza made a beeline for her room, suddenly worried that Kathy had taken advantage of the opportunity to snoop. Her room was much as she’d left it, but when she went to check her diary, hidden behind the bookcase, she couldn’t be sure if it had been moved or not. She sat on the bed and leafed through the pages, waves of anxiety coursing through her. She’d recorded every detail of her romance with Ty Eddings, and if Kathy had read the last few entries, she was doomed. According to Kathy, even the use of junior Tampax was an affront to the notion of Absolute Purity.

Liza found a new hiding place for the diary and then sat on her bed and opened Kathy’s present, which was beautifully wrapped in pink-flowered paper with a pretty pink bow on top. Pink was Kathy’s favorite color. Liza herself preferred shades of purple, which was also Violet’s favorite.

When she saw what Kathy had given her, she could hardly believe her eyes. The box of lily of the valley dusting powder was the same one she’d given Kathy for her birthday in March of the year before. She checked the bottom of the box and, sure enough, there was the same drugstore sticker she’d torn in half when she’d tried to peel it off. Clearly Kathy hadn’t used the powder and didn’t remember who’d given it to her. Now what?

Liza didn’t want to call her at all. On the other hand, she thought she’d be smart to get it over with. If Kathy had read her diary, she’d never pass up the opportunity to chide and condemn her, superior as always.

Liza went to the phone in the hall and dialed Kathy’s number. Mrs. Cramer picked up.

“Hi, Mrs. Cramer? This is Liza. Is Kathy home?”

“Just a moment.” She put a hand across the mouthpiece and Liza could hear her holler up to the second floor. “Kathy? Liza’s on the phone.”

There was a long pause while Kathy clumped down the stairs. “Hope you had a good birthday,” Mrs. Cramer remarked while they waited.

“I did. Thanks.”

“Here she is.”

Kathy took the handset and said, “Hello,” in a voice that was dead and remote.

“Hi. I called to say thanks for the bath powder. It’s really nice.”

“You’re welcome.” Even the two words sounded snippy and clipped.

“Is something wrong?”

“Why would you say that?”

“Kathy, if something’s bothering you, just tell me.”

“Well, where were you? That’s what’s bothering me. We had a date.”

“We did?”

“Yesss. This afternoon. My mother was supposed to take us to the five-and-dime…”

Liza could feel the cold envelop her body as Kathy went on in her martyred, accusatory tone. “We were supposed to pick out a pattern and fabric so we could sew matching skirts and weskits for our new fall wardrobe. Don’t you remember?”

“I remember you mentioned it, but that was weeks ago and you never said what day.”

“Because it was so obvious. It was for your birthday, Liza. I didn’t think I had to spell it out. We drove over to pick you up for lunch and you were gone. Your mom didn’t even know where you were.”

“I’m sorry. I forgot-“

“How could you forget? We always spend our birthdays together. It’s traditional.”

“We’ve done it twice,” Liza said. She knew she’d pay for the sass, but she couldn’t help herself.

“Well, I guess it means more to me than to you,” Kathy said.

Liza couldn’t think of a response so she said nothing.

“So where did you go?” Kathy asked.

“No place in particular. Just out.”

“I know you were out. I’m asking where.”

“Why do you care?” Liza couldn’t believe she was being so ornery, but she was sick of catering to Kathy’s moods.

“I care, Liza, because I want to know what’s so important you had to stand me up.”

“ I didn’t stand you up. I forgot, okay?”

“I know you forgot. You already told me that a hundred times! You don’t have to rub it in.”

“Why are you so mad? It was an honest mistake.”

“I’m not mad. Why should I be mad? I asked for an explanation. Since you were so rude as to violate our agreement, I think you owe me one.”

Liza felt her temper climb, Kathy having neatly maneuvered her into a corner. If she told her where she’d been, Kathy would raise a big stink or she’d sulk for days, or she’d do both, but in no way would she ever leave the subject alone. Liza had seen it before. Once someone made Kathy mad, she never let ‘em off the hook. “I was busy.”

“Doing what?” Kathy said, exasperated.

“What difference does it make?”

“In other words, you won’t tell. Thanks so much. I’d never do anything that horrible to you-”

“Oh, stop exaggerating. It’s not horrible.”

“I thought we were best friends.”

“I didn’t say we weren’t.”

“But that’s not how you treat a best friend-keeping secrets and being mean.”

“I’m not being mean.”

“You know what? That’s the difference between us, what you just said. You can’t admit the truth. Moral Rearmament has made me a better person, but Absolute Unselfishness doesn’t mean a thing to you. It’s whatever you want, whatever you feel like doing, and then you lie about it afterward…”

Liza said, “I have to go. My mom’s calling me.”

Kathy’s voice had a quaver now. “You know what? Absolute Honesty? You hurt me. Deeply. All week long, I looked forward to seeing you. It was going to be the bright spot of my day. Put yourself in my place and think how I felt when I heard you hadn’t even left a note.”

“Kathy, it’s not like I did it on purpose. I made a mistake.”

“Then why didn’t you call me when you got home?”

“That’s what I’m doing. I’m on the phone. I’m calling you. What else could this be?”

“Oh sure, hours later.”

“I just now walked in the door!”

“You were gone all day?”

“Why are you making such a fuss?”

“I’m making a fuss? So now it’s my fault?”

“I didn’t say it was your fault, but you don’t have to make such a big deal of it. You do things without me. Why can’t I do one tiny thing without you?”

“Fine. Be that way. I’m sorry I brought it up.”

Liza could feel herself crumble. This would go on for the rest of her life unless she found a way out. “Look, I’m really sorry, okay? I apologize.”

There was a momentary silence. Kathy didn’t like giving up the power position. “Do you mean that?”

“I do. Sincerely. I didn’t want to say where I was because it had to do with my mom and her… you know… her problem.”

“Oh you poor thing. Why didn’t you say so?”

“I was embarrassed. I hope you’ll forgive me.”

“Of course. I completely understand. But really, if you’d confided in me, we could have avoided this misunderstanding.”

“Next time I will. I’m sorry I wasn’t completely honest with you.”

“That’s all right. Liza, it’s not your fault what she is.”

“I appreciate your being so nice about it.” Having capitulated, why not grovel as well?

“So what time do you want to go to the park tomorrow night? You think six is too early? I made some deviled eggs. I thought we could take a picnic.”

Liza was at a loss for words.

“Liza?”

“I’m here. The problem is I can’t go. That’s another reason I called. My mom’s kind of sick and I have to stay home because she needs me.”

“But won’t she be better tomorrow?”

“I’m not sure. I don’t think so. She doesn’t look good.”

“You can’t even leave her for an hour?”

“I better not.”

“What’s wrong with her?”

“I don’t know. I’m calling the doctor as soon as I hang up from you. She’s been sick all day so it might be serious.”

“You want me to come keep you company? I don’t mind skipping the fireworks. We could make popcorn.”

“We better not. She could be contagious. She’s calling me right now so I gotta go. I’ll talk to you tomorrow, okay?”

“Sure. I hope she feels better.”

“Me too.”

When Liza placed the handset back in the cradle, the small of her back was damp. She played the conversation over and over in her mind, reconstructing Kathy’s tone, wishing she’d been quicker on the draw when Kathy tried to shoot her down. She shouldn’t have lied about her mom, but what else could she do? She didn’t see how Kathy would ever find out. She knew Kathy was full of pity for her because of her mother’s drinking and often told her she prayed for her in church, citing Absolute Love. Didn’t feel like love to Liza, but what did she know?

She decided to fix her mother an early supper, since she and Ty were going out that night. She couldn’t wait to tell him all the stuff Kathy said. He didn’t like Kathy in the first place and he’d be tickled to hear she’d finally stood up to her. For as long as she had. You couldn’t handle everything at once.

She set the water on to boil for the Minute Rice and then opened a can of Libby’s corn and a can of Libby’s green beans. She tried to make sure her mother got a balanced meal, but half the time her mother didn’t want to eat, no matter what it was. Liza had fixed Spam two nights before, so she took the chunk out of the refrigerator and cut a fresh slice, which she fried in oleo. Once the meal was fully prepared, she arranged everything on a tray, added a paper napkin and utensils, and took it into the living room. Her mother was dead to the world, cigarette still burning in the ashtray. Liza put it out and took the dinner tray back to the kitchen. She set it on the counter where her mother would see it later. Then she washed the pots and pans and put them away.

Ty picked her up at 9:00, driving his uncle’s truck, which he did whenever he could cadge it. When she got in, he handed her a package with a bow clumsily affixed. “What’s this,” she asked, taking out a bottle of what looked like Champagne.

“Cold Duck. I got it at the minimart so we could celebrate. Happy birthday.”

“You bought alcohol?”

“I look like I’m twenty-one so I do it all the time. The guy never even carded me.”

“You better hope your aunt doesn’t find out.”

He smiled, flashing white teeth and dimples. “I got something else for you too, but that’s for later.”

Liza smiled, cheeks burning. She’d never received a present from a boy. Right away, she hoped for an ID bracelet, engraved with both their names, something to commemorate their love.

They drove out to the Tanner property as they had on two previous occasions. They couldn’t very well ride around town. If the two were seen together, he’d be in trouble with his aunt.

The new road had been graded, but only partially paved. A trench had been dug to form a culvert, and lengths of corrugated pipe had been brought in by crane. Now as Ty swung off the frontage road, they could see that a temporary Road Closed sign had been set up, blocking access. A line of orange cones ran across the road to further discourage traffic, and a No Trespass sign had been posted. Guess they meant business. Since the Fourth fell on a Saturday, government offices were closed on Friday, the day before. No court, no mail delivery, no library, and no banks. The county road crew had apparently been given the three-day weekend as well.

Ty drove around the barrier, passing the dirt mounds and heavy equipment. A bulldozer seemed to glow in the fading light of day. He’d scoped out the house and grounds in advance of their first visit and discovered the open shed he now used to conceal his pickup. He helped her out of the passenger side, leading her by the hand as far as the expansive wooden porch that ran along the back of the house. Faintly, in the distance, they could hear the hush of passing cars out on the 101.

He said, “Hang on a sec.” He went back to the truck and returned moments later with a bundle under one arm. “Sleeping bag,” he said. He kept a hand on her back, guiding her as they made their way through the darkened kitchen and up the servants’ stairs. The house was stuffy after being closed up for so long. Once they reached the master bedroom at the front of the house, Ty opened all the windows to let the heat out. The breeze coming in across the sill was warm, but at least it created some circulation. He laid out the bulky sleeping bag and stretched out a hand, pulling her down beside him.

He opened the bottle of Cold Duck and offered her the first swig. It tasted better than she expected, and she liked how warm and fuzzy it was making her feel. They passed the bottle back and forth until half of it was gone. She lay on one side, head propped on her hand while they talked in whispers. She started to tell him about Kathy, but he kept interrupting her with kisses and deep, meaningful looks. He said, “Your present. I almost forgot.”

He took out a small jar of Vaseline, holding it out to her with a smile.

“What’s that for?”

“You know. Just in case.”

Liza felt her stomach knot and she sat up. “I don’t think we should do this. It’s not a good idea.”

“Don’t worry about it. You don’t have to decide anything right now. It’s completely up to you,” he said. He pulled her down beside him and kissed her again. By now they’d progressed from the innocent petting of their early dates into more treacherous territory, and Ty took it as a given that each time they were together they’d pick up where they left off. He was already intent on the business of stripping her down. Liza wasn’t entirely willing, but she knew she couldn’t refuse. The kissing did feel good, and she was lucky he’d chosen her when any other girl in school would be happy to take her place. She found herself floating in the moment, carried along by his determination and her own inability to resist. In the back of her mind, a tiny voice was whispering that his insistence and Kathy’s bullying weren’t all that different, but the Cold Duck had made her feel sleepy and too relaxed to care. Easier to give in than to raise any more objections. It’s not like it wasn’t nice.

He was kissing her bare boob when she saw a flash of headlights swing across the ceiling. Down below, gravel crunched, the vehicle so close to the house they could hear the driver pulling on his brake. Liza gasped and broke free, scrambling to her hands and knees as the car door slammed. “Oh my lord, someone’s here!”

Ty crawled over to the window and peered out. “Don’t panic. It’s fine. He isn’t coming this way.”

Liza eased in behind him, her eyes just above sill level. The driver was on the far side of the vehicle, which was ten yards away. She picked up the smell of smoke before she saw the speck of red hot ember at the end of his cigarette. Liza said, “Who is that?”

“He must be a security guard. Looks like he’s checking the equipment.”

“We gotta get out of here.” She crawled back to the sleeping bag and snatched up her clothing, piling her shoes on top. Ty pulled on his jeans and they scurried across the room to the walk-in linen closet, where they shut themselves in. They finished dressing in haste, Liza feeling so anxious she nearly wet her pants. Ty looked over at her, saying, “You okay?”

“What if he sees the truck? He’ll know someone’s here.”

Ty opened the closet door and peered around the frame. The house was dark, but she could make out his profile. So beautiful. He motioned to her and the two emerged from their hiding place. Liza listened intently but picked up no sounds of activity inside the house itself. Ty reached for her hand and the two eased over to the window and peered out again. Liza could see the swinging beam of a flashlight as the fellow walked across the road, adjusting cones as he went.

Ty said, “Let’s move it. I think we can make it to the truck before he turns around and comes back.”

They picked their way out of the room and tiptoed along the corridor until they reached the back stairs and started down. Liza nearly fell over Ty, not realizing he’d stopped to listen again. Nothing. Liza held on to his T-shirt as they passed the butler’s pantry and from there traversed the cavernous kitchen, which was bathed in soft gray light. The moon, in its last quarter, was visible through one of the kitchen windows.

Outside they race-walked across the grass to the shed. Ty felt his way down the length of the truck until he could open the driver’s-side door. Liza climbed in first and crawled across the seat to make room for him. Ty climbed in after her and slid under the wheel. He pulled the door shut without slamming it, careful not to make a sound. They sat then, scarcely daring to breathe. Ty torqued himself around, staring out the rear window at the darkened yard. The width and breadth of the house blocked all view of the front, but there was an illusion of hearing more acutely when one stared at the source.

Liza said, “Do you think we should risk it?”

“Not yet.”

Liza had a sudden thought and put a hand on his arm. “We forgot the sleeping bag!”

“Don’t worry about it. We can pick it up next time.”

“But what if he comes across it?”

Ty held a finger to his lips and they fell silent again. Ten long minutes passed and then they heard the grumbling of one of the big machines, engine grinding to life, shattering the stillness. When the racket continued, Ty took advantage of the noise to cover the starting of his truck. He backed out of the shed and crept along the service road with his headlights out.

When they cleared the house, they could see a shape as lumbering as a tank crawling in the opposite direction. Ty continued down the service road with Liza praying he wouldn’t steer them into a tree. Finally, he felt safe enough to turn on his fog lights, which provided sufficient illumination for their agonizingly slow escape.

Saturday morning, the Fourth, Liza called the Cramer house. She hoped to have a conversation with Kathy in which she could casually mention her mother’s illness to reinforce the fib. Telling the same lie more than once made it seem more real. Mrs. Cramer answered and said Kathy really wasn’t able to come to the phone. Her voice was chilly, and Liza knew Kathy had blabbed to her about their fight. “Well, would you tell her I called?”

“Of course.”

Liza didn’t see how Kathy would ever find out she was babysitting for Violet instead of staying at home with her mother as she’d claimed. Ty had begged her to let him come over to the Sullivans’ and keep her company and, of course, she’d agreed. Early in the afternoon she wandered over to Violet’s. Foley was off somewhere, and Liza was hoping she and Violet could have a heart-to-heart talk. Unfortunately, Daisy was in the bedroom, playing with her paper dolls, and it didn’t seem advisable, given the subject matter. She’d hung out for a while and then she’d gone home. She sat on the front porch in an old aluminum lawn chair, hoping Kathy would pass the house and see her there.

By 6:15 she was back at the Sullivans’, minding Daisy in the bathtub while Violet and the yapping Pomeranian went out the door. She made sure Daisy dried herself and got in her pj’s. They sat at the kitchen table and ate vanilla ice cream until 8:15. Daisy was easily confused about telling time, so Liza said it was 9:00 and marched her off to bed. Liza gave her the pill Violet’d left and watched as Daisy swallowed it with half a glass of milk. Twenty minutes later she was safely tucked in bed and limp with sleep.

Liza went out the back door and sat down in one of the two lawn chairs that overlooked a scruffy patch of grass. The wooden fence was less than six feet tall, but a thick tangle of honeysuckle spilled over the top, obscuring her view of the street. It was hot and her T-shirt was sticking to her back. She went inside again and sat in the living room, where she turned off the overhead light and let the table fan blow across her face.

At 9:00 she heard Ty scratching at the back screen. He stood outside the door, and the gaze he fixed on her was as hungry and as patient as a fox’s. She let him in and he kissed her, pressing himself against her. For once, she had the presence of mind to slip out of his grip.

“Ty, I’m not going to neck with you in here. What if Daisy wakes up or the Sullivans come back?”

“Come on. Foley’s at the park and I saw Violet barreling down the road in that fancy car of hers. Neither one of them are coming back for hours.”

“I don’t care. I’m not going to do it.”

“How about we go out to my pickup? It’s parked in the alley out back. I spread some blankets in the bed so we can lay there together and look at the stars.”

“Are you crazy? I can’t leave Daisy by herself.”

“I didn’t say we’d go anywhere. It’s just someplace private where we can talk without waking her.”

“I don’t think it’s right. I’m supposed to stay in the house.”

“Did Violet say that specifically?”

“No, but that’s what she pays me to do.”

“Half an hour. An hour. No one’s ever going to know.”

He’d wheedled and coaxed, making it all sound easy and insignificant. Finally, she’d given in and followed him through the yard to his pickup. Of course, the minute they were stretched out in the truck bed he’d started in on her. The night was warm, but Liza found herself shivering. Her fingers were so icy, she had to tuck her hands in her armpits. Ty was solicitous. He’d brought two paper cups and another bottle of Cold Duck. Liza drank more than her share, hoping to quiet her nerves. While they talked, the fireworks display started in Silas. They’d hear thumps and then sprays of green and blue sparkles would erupt, showers of red like umbrellas raining out of the sky. For thirty minutes they watched, transfixed. It was like a movie Liza had seen where this man and woman had been kissing and kissing and the curtains had blown open at the window and the sky had been alight.

After a while she lost track of time, didn’t even care how long they’d been there. She was feeling so close to him. He wrapped his arms around her and murmured against her neck. “How’re you doing, Lies? I gotta take good care of you so you won’t catch cold.” He slid his hand underneath her shirt.

“Oh, don’t.”

“I’m not doing anything.” He unbuttoned her shorts and moved his hand down along her belly.

“Maybe we should stop.”

“Stop what?”

“We can’t keep doing this.”

“Don’t you like it?”

“I do, but I don’t want to go too far, okay?”

“Just let me touch you once,” he said. He’d managed to get a finger between her legs.

She grabbed his hand and held it. “Wait. I can’t do this. I have to go in. What if they get home?”

“They won’t. They never come in before the Moon closes. You know that about them. They’re off drinking and having fun, and we’re right here close by. Violet won’t care. She likes me.”

“I know, but we have to be careful.”

“I will. I’ll be careful. Here, have one more little sip of wine. I’m just so crazy about you, Liza. Don’t you love me even a little bit? I know you love me.” He took the empty cup from her hand and whispered against her hair, kissing her neck and her breasts until she burned. “Be sweet. Please be sweet to me just this one time.”

She should have pulled away, but she felt suspended, passive, as though she had no control over what would happen next. On he went, telling her he loved her, that it was torture not having her when he loved her so much. By then he had her shorts off. “Let me put it in,” he whispered. “Just one time. Please.”

She’d said no at first, but he’d been so excited at the idea and so persistent, she’d relented. What was the harm when she wanted him, too. “You promise you’ll pull out in time?”

“Of course. I swear. I wouldn’t do anything to hurt you. I love you. You know I do. Angel, I want you so much it’s driving me insane.”

She felt at the same time powerful and afraid, but he was so beautiful and fearless. No one had ever said such incredible things to her. He seemed so sweet and eager. She had her eyes closed, but she could hear the rustling of his clothes. She made a sound at the shock of his naked body against hers. He was smooth and muscular. His skin was hot and he smelled of soap. She couldn’t remember where the jar of Vaseline came from, but there it was. And he was pressing himself and putting her hand on him and moving against her and wanting her to open up to him and then she did. She knew he’d already gone too far, but he’d pushed in. Then he was moving and didn’t seem to hear her feeble protest. He moved and he was moving and then he made a sound like he was lifting something heavy. He groaned, out of breath, and then he slumped over her, relaxed. “Oh, Lies. Oh geez. That was fantastic. That was so beautiful.”

It hadn’t even been a minute. She shifted her hips and he slipped out of her, leaving her goopy and wet.

“What’s the matter? Are you okay?”

“No, I’m not okay. You said you’d pull out!”

“I’m sorry. I meant to, but I couldn’t help myself. Baby, it just felt so good. I went crazy for a minute and the next thing I knew, it just happened.”

“Shit. What time is it? I gotta go.”

“Not yet. It’s not hardly midnight. Don’t leave me. Here, feel this.” He took her hand and pressed it against him.

She’d stayed where she was, half-underneath him, warm only in the places where his body covered hers. The rest of her was cold, her limbs pinned to the blanket by the weight of him. “I have to go in. What if they come home and I’m not there?”

“You can tell ‘em you came out for a breath of air.”

“Let go of me. Please,” she whispered, but he kissed her again, murmuring, “You’re great. You’re amazing. I love you.”

“I love you too,” she said. “Ty, I have to go in.” She twisted out of his grasp and groped along the truck bed until she found her underpants. She pulled them on and then searched for her shorts and T-shirt.

“Look, I’ll see you tomorrow morning, right?”

“Maybe.”

“All day. We’ll, spend the whole day together.”

“I can’t.”

“Yes, you can. Meet me out on Porter Road. I’ll borrow my uncle’s truck and we’ll go for a drive. Eight o’clock.”

She could tell her underpants were on wrong-side out. She lifted one hip so she could strip them off. “Damn it! Now I got stuff running down the inside of my leg. Give me a handkerchief or something so I can clean myself off.”

He handed her his T-shirt, which he’d wadded up and tossed aside. She jammed it between her legs and cleaned herself as well as she could. She eased into her underpants again and hooked herself into her bra. She pulled on her T-shirt and shorts and used her fingers to get the snarls out of her hair. Once dressed, she climbed over the tailgate.

Ty said, “Eight o’clock tomorrow morning. You’re not there, I’m knocking on your door and I don’t care who sees.”

She kissed him in haste, told him that she loved him, and then hurried toward the house and let herself in the back door. The screen whined softly. The kitchen light was off, but she could see the luminous hands on the wall clock. 1:15. Violet and Foley usually didn’t get home until after 2:00 so she was fine. Everything was okay. The same table lamp was burning in the darkened living room. The fan rotated at a steady pace, pushing hot air this way and that. Both bedrooms were dark. She paused outside Daisy’s room, listening to the child’s slow, deep, regular breathing. She was fine.

Liza crept into the bathroom. In the glow from the night-light, she pulled down her shorts and checked her underpants. The crotch was wet with semen, stained with blood. She had to talk to Violet. She knew she should have made him use a rubber, but he promised he’d pull out, and now what? Violet would know. Violet knew everything there was to know about sex. Liza returned to the living room, where she lay on the couch, hugging herself. What was done was done. He’d told her he loved her-he’d actually said that to her-and he was the one who brought up the subject of seeing her again, so it wasn’t like she was chasing him or anything like that. Still, she wished she hadn’t done it. She could feel her eyes burn as the tears spilled out. As soon as Violet came in, the two of them would talk and she’d be fine.