Secrets of a Scandalous Marriage

CHAPTER 18

Minutes later, James and Kate waved good-bye to their friends and soon the coach was in motion back to London.

James watched her carefully from across the seat. It was dark in the coach with the shades still drawn.

Kate’s neck worked as she swallowed convulsively. “Surely we can keep the shades open while we’re in the country like this,” she said, pulling back one of the curtains. “There’s no one to see us here.”

He shrugged. Was she suddenly shy to be alone with him? Had her hand trembled earlier when he touched her? All he could think about was how beautiful and vulnerable she looked today and how lovely she’d been when she laughed. He was glad she was able to laugh. This trip to the countryside had been a good idea. He desperately wanted to make her laugh again. He’d started the day attempting to keep his distance, remembering their kiss at the ball. He’d been tortured by it for the last two days. He’d decided it would be much better for both of them if they remained apart, and he’d meant to do so, honestly. But when the coach had arrived this morning to take them to the country, he hadn’t been able to refuse to go. So he’d decided to ride in a different coach on the way there, assuming it would make things easier. And once they’d arrived, he’d watched her, surreptitiously, unable to keep his eyes from her. And then they’d had a wonderful morning, laughing, riding, playing in the snow. He couldn’t remember having had fun like that even when he was a child. And it was so easy with Kate. He couldn’t keep from smiling and laughing around her. He knew Annie and Lily had been watching him closely, but it didn’t matter. He’d promised Kate fun while she wrote the pamphlet for him and, by God, he intended to keep that promise. He smiled to himself thinking about her reaction to the piglet.

“Tell me something,” he said. “Did you really have a pig when you were a child?”

Success. She laughed, and it was a musical sound. “I did.”

“As a pet?” he continued.

“Yes, she lived in the house and everything. She was a very small pig,” Kate clarified. “But a pig just the same.”

James couldn’t help but smile at that. He tried to picture a young Kate chasing a pig around the house. But he couldn’t picture her as a child. He couldn’t picture her any way other than the lovely woman she was, sitting across from him, self-consciously pushing a lock of shimmery golden-red hair behind her ear and glancing up at him from behind velvety black lashes.

“Please tell me something,” she said in a saucy tone to which James was immediately drawn.

He nodded. “As you wish.”

“What exactly is a raccoon?”

His laughter shook the coach. “It’s a furry little animal that’s sort of black, gray, and white with a long striped tail. Looks as though it’s wearing a mask. Quite common in the Americas or so I’ve heard.”

“Do Lily and Annie really have a fox and a raccoon?”

He grinned at her. “Yes and no.”

At her questioning look he continued. “Annie has a fox all right, but the raccoon is really just a dog that looks like a raccoon. Her name is Bandit.”

Kate laughed. “Oh, I see. And here I thought I was being improper with my pet pig.”

He shook his head. “No, you’re in excellent company actually.”

“I’m glad to hear that.” She paused for a moment, biting her lip. “James, may I ask you something else?”

He nodded. “Of course.”

“Why did you seem so standoffish at the farm today?”

He glanced out the window. “Did I?”

She bowed her head and plucked at the folds in her skirt. “You know you did.”

He leaned to the side and braced an elbow on the seat cushion. “The truth is … I’m feeling guilty for kissing you.”

Her jaw dropped. Apparently, she hadn’t expected him to be quite that … forthright. “Guilty? Why?”

“I had no right.”

Her voice was soft. “There were two of us in the ballroom that night, James. It wasn’t just you.”

“I know, but—”

“I feel guilty too,” she murmured.

His eyes narrowed on her. “Why?”

“You’ve asked me to write for you, not to distract you with dancing and…”

He shook his head. “You distract me just sitting there, but that’s no excuse for me to behave like a total jackass and—”

She sat up straight. “But you didn’t. You didn’t act like an ass at all.”

“Didn’t I?”

“No.”

“Thank you for that,” he said. “I shall endeavor to keep my hands off you and allow you to write in peace.”

Was that a look of disappointment on her face? Oh, now he was guilty of wishful thinking. Fool.

Kate glanced away and tugged on her curl again. “Do you think Lily and Annie like me?”

He sobered. “Yes, they do. Very much.”

“They seemed a bit hesitant when they asked about George, and I just—”

“They weren’t sure whether you’re in mourning. It’s an odd situation.”

She cringed. “To say the least. I know. I hate to make them feel uncomfortable, and I know I should be mourning, but I just cannot. George and I … we barely knew each other and the fact was I hadn’t seen him in at least five years. How can I grieve for someone whom I didn’t even know?”

“Believe me, I understand.”

“Do you?” she asked.

James scrubbed his hand through his hair. He wasn’t about to explain to her how he understood, but he did. He simply nodded.

Kate glanced out the window. “And the worst part is, George and I didn’t even have that unconventional of a marriage. I’d say it was more normal than anything.”

James shook his head. “Most wives are not left in the countryside to rot while their husbands gallivant around London if that’s what you mean.”

She laid her head back against the seat cushion. “Perhaps not, but many married couples spend long amounts of time apart. Though I suppose the divorce and the murder make us entirely unconventional.” She tried to laugh but tears shone in her eyes.

“Kate.” James’s voice caught. He leaned forward.

She glanced out the window. “I am sorry he died that way. I’m sorry and I’m angry. Angry with him for being such an ass and angry at myself for how I reacted, and angry at whoever did it and allowed me to take the blame. There’s a murderer out there, James. A murderer.”

He clenched his jaw. “I know.”

James set about making the rest of the journey full of lighthearted discussion and jests. Kate kept remembering the way he’d said, “You distract me just sitting there.” The words made her go hot and cold at the same time. She tried to shove them from her mind, but they came back to make her smile again and again.

He had her laughing the rest of the way, and by the time they arrived at his town house, Kate had forgotten to pull up her hood or close the curtains in the coach.

She gasped and quickly tugged on the hood as they descended the steps. She glanced about surreptitiously. A few people hurried past the alleyway. A couple of horses ambled past the mews on the corner. Kate kept her head down and hurried up the stairs onto the back porch.

James cursed under his breath. Damn it. He should have been paying closer attention. Should have ensured she’d covered her head when she’d alighted from the coach, but he’d been so entranced by her, by their afternoon together.

“You don’t think anyone saw me, do you?” she asked as soon as they were inside.

James shook his head. “No. I don’t think so,” he replied in his most reassuring tone. But if anyone had, it was too late.