Shadow

24

When the doorbell rang they were still sitting in the library. For a while now the smell of dinner had filled the house, and Gerda would soon be here to tell them it was ready. They looked at each other when they heard her footsteps moving down the hall towards the front door. Axel got up, and knew immediately who had rung the bell.

‘I’m looking for Axel Ragnerfeldt.’

‘I’m sorry, he’s not at home.’

‘He certainly is, I saw him through the window.’

For a few seconds there was silence.

‘Unfortunately he’s busy.’

‘Tell him I want to talk to him. It’s for his own good.’

Alice got up and hissed at Axel.

‘Go and help Gerda, for God’s sake!’

Axel rushed out. To his consternation he realised that he was afraid. More afraid than he could ever recall being since he was a child.

He reached the hall just in time to see Gerda trying to shut the door. Halina had squeezed herself into the doorway in an attempt to force her way inside. But the commotion stopped when she caught sight of him.

‘I want to talk to you.’

He could see the desperation in Gerda’s eyes and realised it would be unfair to involve her. He nodded to her and she let go of the door. With her lips pursed, she did not deign to look at him as she walked away.

Halina stepped into the hall.

‘Where’s your wife? I want her to hear this too.’

Axel glanced over his shoulder and saw Alice standing at the other end of the hall by the living room door. He turned back to face Halina but could barely look at her. Her hair was a mess and her clothes dirty. In her eyes was that look he’d seen outside the publisher’s, the look he’d prayed to God never to see again.

‘I must ask you to leave. I’m not interested in what you have to say.’

‘Did you read my letters?’

He took a step forward to block her path.

‘No, I didn’t. Now I’m going to have to ask you to go.’

She clutched the door-frame to secure her position.

‘I just want to-’

‘I’m not interested in what you want!’

He prised loose her fingers and with a hand on her shoulder, managed to push her onto the front steps, a little more roughly than he’d intended. His fear had faded, leaving space for a rising anger; now she had literally stepped over the line. He locked the door and she was left outside, screaming and ringing the doorbell. Maybe he should call Torgny, ask him to come and get her. But what would they do with her until then? The police were not an option; calling them would only bring more misery. His dread of scandal was even greater than his fear of the woman on the other side of the door.

The constant ringing of the doorbell resounded through the house, and her wails penetrated the walls. Then her face appeared outside the porch window, and he backed out of sight. Alice was still standing with her arms folded in the living-room doorway.

‘Let her in so we can finally put an end to all this. The neighbours will hear!’

‘Absolutely not! She’s not setting foot in this house.’

Alice frowned and headed for the front door with a determined look on her face.

‘Then I’ll do it myself.’

‘Listen to me, Alice! Don’t open that door!’

‘We have to put an end to this insanity once and for all. We can at least listen to what she wants.’

He tried to stop her as she passed but she brushed his hands away.

The sound of the doorbell stopped abruptly when Alice unlocked the front door. Axel had stayed a distance behind her and saw how the two women sized each other up for a few seconds.

Then Alice opened the door wide and stepped aside.

‘Come in. But take off your shoes.’ Alice turned and walked down the hall. ‘Gerda, could you please serve coffee in the living room?’

Halina stepped into the hall and pulled off her pointed boots, throwing Axel a triumphant smile.

He watched Alice go, her back straight and her steps resolute. He knew precisely what mood she was in; with her verbal artillery she was ready to crush Halina like a troublesome insect.

He closed his eyes and pressed his hand to his temple.

Alice was sitting on the sofa when they came into the living room. She gave a little smile, and in her kindest tone of voice she asked Halina to take a seat. Then she patted the space beside her.

‘Come, darling, sit here next to me.’

Axel didn’t reply but remained where he was, leaning on the mantelpiece by the tile stove. The situation was so bizarre that a part of him still couldn’t believe it was really happening.

Halina looked around the room. Alice followed her gaze as if wanting to confirm what she was seeing.

‘I’ve asked Gerda to bring in some coffee. You do drink coffee, don’t you?’

Halina nodded.

Alice’s superiority was palpable. With an imperturbable calm she took control of the situation, and Halina sat there dirty and mute in her armchair. Alice smiled and looked at her for a moment before she spoke again.

‘I understand that you’re interested in my husband. Apparently you’ve sent him a number of letters.’

Halina said nothing. But it was obvious what she was thinking. Alice remained unmoved by what she saw blazing in Halina’s eyes.

Gerda came in with the coffee tray, and no one said a word as she arranged the china.

‘I think we have some pastries we could offer, don’t we, Gerda?’

Gerda stopped in the middle of what she was doing, then nodded and left the room.

Axel waited for the explosion. At any moment Halina would start speaking, and he knew that he would have to choose his words carefully. The lie was so established that admitting the truth now was out of the question. Her madness was what would save him, the shield behind which he could hide no matter what she claimed.

‘What exactly do you do, then? Do you have a job?’

It was Alice’s mild voice that continued the conversation. She sounded as if she were talking to a child.

‘I’m a writer.’

‘I see, so you’re a writer too. What sort of books have you written?’

‘Among other things, I just finished a short story that I’m going to send to Artes magazine. An erotic short story. Actually, that’s what I came here to talk about.’

Axel swallowed. Artes was a prestigious arts journal published under the auspices of the Swedish Academy. It was highly unlikely that someone such as Halina would ever have a story published there, but it would be bad enough if the editors read what she had written. Because he knew which erotic incident it was that she had described.

‘What’s it about, then? Well, you know what I mean, I understand if it’s erotic, but why do you want to talk to us about it?’

Axel closed his eyes. For the life of him he could no longer understand it. How it had happened. The power, so difficult to comprehend, of that incident. Such a tiny mistake. What had happened had been so meaningless, so utterly insignificant. But it had prompted such unprecedented consequences.

‘Because it’s about Axel and me.’

He looked at Alice. She was still smiling. He was just about to deny the assertion when Alice beat him to it.

‘You mean about your night in Västerås?’

For the first time Halina seemed to waver, but when Alice continued, Halina regained her equilibrium.

‘The one you made up,’ said Alice.

Halina smiled and looked at Axel.

‘Is that what you told her? That I made it all up?’

Axel, who hadn’t yet said a word, had to clear his throat before he spoke.

‘You know as well as I do that nothing happened that night in Västerås. Torgny was here, and he said that if you’d only take your medication you could get rid of all these illusions.’

Halina leaned back and laughed.

At the same moment Gerda returned.

Halina put her hand in her jacket and pulled out a bundle of folded paper which she handed across the full pastry tray.

‘Read this, and then see which of us you believe. He likes oral, but you probably know that already, at least I hope so. And then there’s that cute birthmark on his groin, the one that looks like a little heart.’

Afterwards Axel could remember only fragments of what followed. He remembered Alice’s face, Gerda’s footsteps that stopped short on the parquet floor, Halina enjoying her revenge. He had a vague memory that the telephone rang but that none of them made a move to pick it up. He said nothing. He could have denied everything, countered every accusation by hiding behind the alibi that Torgny had provided. But not the fact that she knew about the heart-shaped birthmark, which had once been his and Alice’s most intimate symbol of love.

It was Halina who broke the silence. Gerda’s paralysis vanished and she disappeared back to the kitchen.

‘Initially I thought I would turn to Artes, but they pay very poorly. There are other magazines that pay considerably better, but I haven’t really made up my mind yet. I thought you could offer some advice and tell me what you think, which publication you think would be best.’

Axel looked at Alice. She was sitting with her hands in her lap and her back was no longer straight. Gone was the confident aura. She looked crushed, and dropped her eyes as one last confirmation of her humiliation.

Halina had vanquished her.

‘Why are you doing this?’

Axel had a hard time getting the words out; he didn’t want to lower himself to speaking to her. The repugnance he felt distorted his voice.

Halina got up and stuffed the papers back inside her jacket.

‘Because you hurt me, you smug bastard. I’ve taken enough shit in my life, and nobody treats me the way you did without paying for it. You, with all your beautiful words and elegant phrases. I can’t stand it that people regard you as some sort of hero when in reality you’re nothing but a cowardly bastard. You’re going to feel what it’s like to be dragged through the mud, I promise you that, Axel Ragnerfeldt. This is only the beginning.’