Shadowspell

Chapter Twenty

Each day, I woke up expecting to hear from Ethan, but he didn’t call. I’d have told myself he was still flat on his back, except when I asked Kimber how he was doing, she told me he was much better. I was highly tempted to ask her if she knew why he wasn’t calling me, but she’d sounded both exhausted and distracted, so I decided to stick to less emotionally charged topics. She didn’t even question me about my deal with the Erlking. I didn’t know if that meant she’d already heard about the “geis,” or if she didn’t care, or what.

Almost a week passed with no word from Ethan. I saw or at least heard from my mom and dad every day, which might have been nice if everything weren’t so strained. Dad was clearly still worried, and Mom was … Well, Mom was a wreck. Sobriety wasn’t agreeing with her, not during times of stress. She even took me aside for a private chat one day when I was visiting Dad’s house and he ended up stuck on some important phone call.

Her fidgeting was worse than it had been even in her first days after the d.t.’s had passed, and I noticed with a start that she had lost weight. Her clothes hung loosely on her frame, and I saw she was no longer wearing the gold claddagh ring that I’d never before seen her take off. I could still see the impression of the band around her finger. She noticed me staring and rubbed the spot self-consciously.

“It keeps slipping off,” she said. “I’ll have to see if I can get it resized.”

“Are you on a diet?” I asked, though I already knew the answer. She’d always been just a hair on the heavy side, but she’d never cared, and I didn’t think she cared now, either.

“Not intentionally,” she said with a rueful smile. “I just haven’t been all that hungry lately.” She touched her stomach. “I always seem to lose my appetite when I’m stressed out.”

I nodded. Now I understood. In the past when she’d been stressed out, she might have lost her appetite for food, but not for alcohol. It might not be what you’d call nourishing, but it did have calories. And, come to think of it, it probably reduced her stress, too, though at a terrible cost.

I reached over and patted her shoulder awkwardly. “Please don’t be stressed about me. I’ll be fine.”

“Of course you will,” she agreed with false cheer, then fell silent and went back to her fidgeting.

I waited to see if she was going to say anything else, but she didn’t. “Is there something you wanted to talk to me about?” I finally prompted, not sure I wanted to know.

She took a deep breath, then turned to face me with a grim but determined expression. Now I felt sure I didn’t want to know.

“You understand that your father is keeping me here against my will, don’t you?” she asked.

I winced. Yeah, I knew that. She and I were both his prisoners in a way.

“Do you know why?”

That question surprised me. Of course I knew why. Dad forcing Mom to stay sober was one of the few really good things that had happened since I’d come to Avalon. Naturally, Mom didn’t see it that way, especially since she wouldn’t admit she had a drinking problem in the first place.

“He’s keeping you here so you’ll stay sober,” I said, bracing myself for yet another round of denial on her part.

Mom shook her head. “No. He’s keeping me here because he thinks it’s what you want.”

“Huh?”

“He’s keeping me here because you think I’m an alcoholic, and he thinks keeping me locked up without alcohol will make you happy.”

I’d never thought of it that way, but I supposed it was true. Damned if I was going to feel guilty about it, though. “Your point being?” A hint of frost entered my voice, but Mom ignored it.

“My point being that if you asked your father to release me, he probably would. I’m as much your prisoner as your father’s.”

I laughed, but it was a bitter, angry sound. “You want me to convince Dad to let you go so you can go back to business as usual. That’s great, Mom. Just great. You want to go back to being a pathetic drunken loser.”

She jerked back as if I’d slapped her. “Dana!”

Back when she’d been drunk all the time, I’d worked very hard to keep my rage locked tightly inside. Yelling at her or even reasoning with her when she was drunk was an exercise in futility. But she wasn’t drunk now, so I let it all out. Maybe now that she was sober—however unwillingly—she’d be able to understand just how badly her alcoholism hurt me.

“You want me to pretend it’s all right with me that you’d rather get drunk and pass out than spend time with me?”

“That’s not—”

“Or that it’s all right for you to be so drunk all the time you can’t be bothered to keep your bills paid? You think I didn’t mind having to lie for you year after year after year?”

“Enough!”

“No, it’s not enough!” The anger was taking on a life of its own. My fists were clenched so tight my fingers were falling asleep, and I felt like I was going to explode. “You’ve been a sorry excuse for a mother my whole life, but for the last few weeks, I thought maybe you were capable of better. And now you’re asking me to make it easy for you to go back to being—”

My mom slapped me, and it shocked me silent. She’d never hit me before in my life. She was so angry she was shaking. But the sheen of tears in her eyes said there was pain behind the anger.

“I said that’s enough,” she said hoarsely. Then she stood up, turned her back on me, and walked stiffly away.

I should have felt happy that I’d managed to save Ethan from the Wild Hunt, regardless of the promise I’d had to make to do it. Instead, I felt lousy. Dad was worried about me. Mom was furious with me. Keane seemed to want something from me I wasn’t able to give him. And Ethan, apparently, wasn’t speaking to me.

I finally got sick of waiting for him to call me and nerved myself up to call him instead. He didn’t answer, and though I left him a message, he didn’t call back. It kinda reminded me of the cold shoulder I’d given him after I’d seen him with Ashley at the party, but I hadn’t done anything to deserve it. Not that I knew of, at least.

When calling Ethan didn’t work, I called Kimber instead. I’d only spoken to her once since the day I’d gone to the Erlking’s house, and that conversation had been brief. I was determined this one, however, would let me get to the bottom of whatever was going on with Ethan.

It had somehow slipped my mind that Kimber hadn’t had a chance to interrogate me about just how I’d managed to free Ethan. She reminded me of the fact almost immediately.

“So, you said you had to work something out with the Erlking other than the deal we’d come up with together,” she said, and I made a chagrined face I was glad she couldn’t see. “What was it? No one seems to know.”

Yeah, and that was just the way I wanted it. So even though I felt a bit guilty about it, I gave Kimber the same lie I’d given my dad. “The Erlking put a geis on me, so I can’t tell anyone what I did.”

There was a long silence. “Uh-huh,” she finally said, and I heard the skepticism in her voice loud and clear.

I squirmed. I hadn’t felt bad about lying to my dad. I mean come on, he might be my dad, but I barely knew him. There was no way I was talking sex with him. Period.

But Kimber was my best friend, and if I was going to open up to anyone about this, it should be her. I’d told Kimber the shameful secret about my mom, and at the time I’d known her for like twenty-four hours. We were closer now, so I should be able to trust her with my new embarrassing secret.

But letting anyone know my mom was an alcoholic wasn’t half as bad as admitting what I’d promised the Erlking. Honestly, what do you call someone who promises sex in return for a favor? I knew only too well, and my face was burning just thinking about it.

“You can tell me, you know,” Kimber said quietly, and I heard the hurt in her voice. “Whatever it is, I’m not going to think less of you. You rescued Ethan when no one else was even willing to try.”

I swallowed the lump that was forming in my throat. Kimber probably thought I’d promised to help the Erlking kill someone. Someone other than the Faerie Queens, that is. As far as anyone could tell, that was all he was really interested in. In the grand scheme of things, killing someone was a lot worse than bartering my body, but I think I’d have had an easier time admitting that than the truth.

“I can’t talk about it, Kimber,” I said. “I’m sorry. I just can’t.”

“Fine,” she said in a tone that meant it was far from fine. “Whatever.”

“Kimber…”

“I said fine! You don’t want to talk about it, we won’t talk about it. I’m still grateful you helped Ethan.” The words were right, but the tone stayed frosty and distant.

I wished I could think of something to say to make it all better, but nothing leapt to mind. The best I could do was change the subject and hope that over time, Kimber would come to forgive me. Or that I’d eventually dig up the courage to tell her the truth, but I wasn’t holding my breath.

“How’s Ethan doing?” I asked. “I haven’t heard from him at all.”

There was a long silence during which I had no idea what Kimber was thinking. Then she answered, and she didn’t sound cold anymore, just worried. “Physically, he’s just about back to normal. But … he’s not the same. He won’t talk about what happened, and he keeps saying he’s fine, but he’s not.”

My conscience twinged a bit more. It must really suck for Kimber to be shut out from both sides. Did that mean I was going to have a change of heart and confide in her? Uh, no.

“What do you mean?”

“I mean aside from the stupid tattoo, he looks like Ethan, but he isn’t Ethan. He hasn’t cracked a smile since he came back, and he’s been all quiet and broody. I never thought I’d say it, but I miss the arrogant prick.”

That almost made me laugh, but not quite. “He doesn’t seem to want to talk to me,” I said. “I called a couple of times, but he doesn’t answer and doesn’t return the calls. Does he … does he blame me for what happened?”

Kimber might be pissed at me and hurt that I wouldn’t confide in her, but I guess she was still my friend, because she came right to my defense. “Of course not! How many times do I have to tell you it’s not your fault?”

“Yeah, well, even if it’s not, that doesn’t mean he can’t blame me for it.”

“I swear I will beat the crap out of him if he does.”

This time I couldn’t help the little laugh that escaped me. “I’d pay money to see that.”

“I’ll bet. But seriously, Dana. I don’t know why he’s not returning your calls, but I’d be shocked if it was because he blames you. He’s just not himself these days, and whatever’s wrong, I don’t know how to fix it, and neither does our father.”

“I’m sorry,” I said, though I wasn’t quite sure for what. Maybe everything.

After I hung up with Kimber, I decided that I would do to Ethan what he had done to me. He wasn’t willing to return my calls? Fine. I’d just have to go see him in person. And, thanks to the Erlking’s thoughtful gift, I’d actually be able to go see Ethan without an entourage at my back. It wasn’t the kind of risk I’d ordinarily take, but I’d already seen how well the Erlking’s brooch worked. When I invoked its powers, I was completely invisible. Therefore, I could leave my safe house all by myself and be in absolutely no danger. That was the theory, at least, and it was time to put it to the test.