She Is The Darkness

96

"It ain't my fucking idea," I told Rudy. For the third time. "You don't like it, go join Goblin and One-Eye. Wherever they are."

"I just never thought we'd really do it."

"Nobody but the Old Man did. Me included. But he says we're going, we're going. That's the way it works."

"Never said I wouldn't go," Rudy grumbled, more to himself than to me. He went off to scream at his sergeants. He would need to decide who to leave in charge while we were gone.

I was working on that myself. I had sought recommendations as soon as I got back from the Old Man's place. We would learn a lot about our southern recruits. The Old Man wanted to leave no Old Crew or Nar behind.

Ochiba, Isi and Sindawe were the only surviving Nar.

Bucket came by. In practical terms, he was my assistant. He did most of the work. I did not interfere unless he got headed in a direction I knew would get the Captain after me. He said, "You really squeezed Rudy's nuts."

"The man is driving me bugfuck. What do you want?" More than Rudy was making me cranky. Sleepy was getting worse.. Thai Dei was being a pain in the ass because I had not bothered to visit Uncle Doj while we were across the valley.

"Hey, Murgen, it's all right to be scared. But you don't need to make everybody else miserable because you are."

I started to bark but realized that would not change the fact that he was right. I grabbed up a stone and threw it as far as I could, as if the fear would fly away with it. The rock clattered around amongst some boulders. Half a dozen crows flapped into the air, cursing in their native tongue. "Shit."

"Not a good sign," Bucket agreed. "We haven't seen any of those for a while. Want we should take them out?"

"They weren't close enough to hear anything. But have somebody check the area." I considered the sun. There were a few hours of daylight left. I had time to start the recon that needed doing before we took a bigger gang up the mountain.

Bucket sent men to the crow site. One held up what might have been a ground squirrel when it was alive. He held his nose with his free hand. Bucket told me, "Maybe they weren't spying at all."

"All things are possible," I said. "But some are more likely than others. Thai Dei. I know you got some pretty determined ideas about what you owe me but you really don't need to take risks just because I do."

The Nyueng Bao squatted not far away, sword sheathed across his back, waiting, a ragged little man who did not look dangerous at all. He looked me in the eye, grunted his go-ahead-and-explain grunt.

"I'm going through the Shadowgate. Wait! It's all right. I've got the key. The Lance. As long as I've got that I should be all right." If Croaker really had guessed correctly.

I would have felt more confident had I had a chance to study those earliest Annals.

Thai Dei climbed to his feet wearily, like his knees hurt him. He sighed, made a "let's go" gesture.

"Look," I said, "you don't have to."

He gestured again.

I would get nowhere arguing. Thai Dei was two steps beyond being stubborn. All Nyueng Bao are at least one step beyond. My wife...

I grabbed the shaft of the standard, started kicking rocks away from its base. It had stood undisturbed, right there, for half a year, becoming a fixture nobody much noticed anymore.

"Wait," Bucket said. "Use your noggin, Murgen. You can't just tighten your jaw and go charging up there. Take some bamboo. Take a canteen. Take a loaf of bread and some jerky. And let me set some guys up to cover your ass."

"All right. You're right." This business had me more rattled and scared than I realized.

I let Bucket take over. He did not have to go through the Shadowgate so he could remain calm and rational.

The Standardbearer is always the first guy into any Company scrape.

I was as far uphill as any of us had gone. The standard shivered in my hands. I leaned on it and stared at the ruins, trying to pick the path I wanted to follow. Bucket stood a few paces behind me, relaying instructions to Rudy. Rudy was posting observers. I did not want to be out of sight for an instant, ever. If the boogies got me the rest needed to know how, when, why and where.

"Anytime you're ready," I growled. I had a feeling I was not going to get less frightened for a while.

"You're set," Bucket yelled. "Tie a rope to your ass and go be a hero."

Be a hero. Not something I ever wanted. I gave him the high sign with both hands, grabbed the standard before it could topple. "See you in hell, mudsucker." I headed up the hill.

Thai Dei shouldered a bundle of bamboo and followed. He did a better job of hiding his fear but he let them tie a rope to his belt, too. In case he had to be hauled back through the gate.

The standard almost hummed in my hands.

I knew the precise instant when I crossed over. It felt like I had fallen into a cold pond that was nothing but surface. The chill ran over me, then was behind me, yet I was in a place where it was cold all the time. You might be able to fry eggs on the rocks but it was cold.

I took only a few steps. I paused. I waited. Minutes passed. The cold did not go away. I stared up the slope. And, gradually, the road became more clear, a thin black line like polished coal meandering up the hill like the trail of a snake just barely not drunk enough to wander off into the barren wilds. I waited some more. Nothing jumped out at me. No shadows came to wriggle up my legs.

The standard seemed very much at home. It seemed to pull me uphill.

"You all got a good fix on me?" I yelled at Bucket.

"Got ahold of the rope, too, buddy." Bucket's reply and laugh sounded like they had come to me through a long metal tunnel.

"I got a rope for you, Bucket." I took another three steps. Thai Dei dragged after me. The man lacked enthusiasm.

Nothing happened. I took a few more steps. The road up the hill gleamed like polished darkness, calling me onward. The fear began to drain away. Fast.

Thai Dei said something but I did not catch it.

The rope tautening stopped me.

I had moved farther uphill without realizing it. I had reached the end of my tether. Bucket gave me a tug. "Far enough for now, Murgen."

Yeah. I was way past where I had intended to go. But there was nothing to be afraid of Bucket gave me another tug, with greater vigor.

I backed downhill reluctantly. Thai Dei said something again. I looked back. Then I understood what he wanted.

He pointed northward.

The world looked kind of shimmery, as though we were seeing it through a curtain of heat.

"Let's go, Murgen!" Bucket yelled. "We want you back and the gateway sealed up before it gets dark." He gave my tether another yank.

The man was getting nervous.

Still reluctant, I stepped across the boundary. This time was like stepping into summer out of winter.

Thai Dei sighed. He was pleased. The hill held no attraction for him.

My world had changed. Just the slightest. I could still see the penstroke of polished darkness meandering down what once had been a road. Dirt and fallen stone concealed most of it but adequate evidence remained if one but had the eye.

I felt I was a different man after having crossed that line.

"You all right?" Rudy asked. "You look strange."

"It's strange over there. The same but different."

"Huh?"

"I can't explain. That's the way it feels. You'll understand once you go up there."

Bucket joined us, wrapping rope into a coil. "You all right? You look like you saw a ghost."

"It's just weird over there."

"Weird? How? You didn't do anything that strange. Except kind of forget yourself. And your sidekick didn't do that. He just stood there and shivered."

"That's part of it. It feels cold. Only not physically cold. More like the cold Blade would claim you'll find in a priest's heart."

I must have looked puzzled. Bucket said, "You're telling me you had to be there to understand."

I told Thai Dei, "The man acts as dumb as a stump but he'll fool you sometimes. You got it exactly, Bucket. Get some fresh dust up here. And make sure those ropes are all taut and the shadowtraps are all set. I want a full complement of—"

"Calm down," Rudy told me. "You set it all up before. Remember?" Soldiers were at work making sure of our protection already. My fuss was a waste of worry.

"Tell you straight up, that was scary. It's gonna take me a while to wind down. You got a messenger ready to go? I'll jot a report for the Old Man. Then I'm going to crawl into my bunker and get intimately acquainted with my last jug of One-Eye's medicine." I had one jug of the little wizard's most potent distillate squirreled away for use in a medical emergency.

This seemed like an emergency to me.