Single white female

13

OTHER than a massive Hispanic youth in shorts and a black muscle shirt, Allie was the only customer in Goya's. Apparently the restaurant didn't do much morning business. On the other hand it was past nine o'clock; she'd slept late, then decided to eat a quick breakfast out before her appointment at Fortune Fashions with Mayfair's secretary. She'd pushed the obscene phone call as far from her thoughts as possible.

Goya's was cool. The air conditioner and ceiling fans were toiling away despite the briskness of the morning. The young guy in the shorts and sleeveless shirt ought to be shivering instead of sitting there calmly sipping what looked like a Pepsi and gazing out the window. His leather jacket was slung over the back of the chair next to him.

Graham Knox, the skinny waiter with the jug-ears and bushy black hair, took Allie's order, then returned a few minutes later with her bagel with cream cheese and coffee. He seemed to be fighting back a grin as he placed the order before her on the table. Good cheer was like pressure beneath the skin of his face.

He began to walk away, hesitated, then turned back. A neat pivot. He said, "I know simply being your neighbor gives me no claim on your time, but… well, I've gotten some good news and I guess I just have to share it with somebody. Business is slow and you're here and we are neighbors, so you're it, Allie. You mind?"

Allie set the bagel back on its plain white plate. What was this about? Had Graham hit the lottery? "I don't mind at all. I like hearing good news, even somebody else's." She smiled, which Graham took as a signal to put on his lopsided grin. He looked like an amiable puppy when he did that. Allie liked this sincere and friendly man with the protruding ears and intent dark eyes.

He did an embarrassed little dance. "It happens I'm a playwright, and I've been working on a script for over a year. Way over a year, actually. And finally it sold. It's going to be produced." He waited a beat or two, then he shrugged, as if, on second thought, having a play produced was no big deal and he shouldn't have mentioned it. "Anyway, that's my good news."

"It's great news!" Allie said. "Congratulations! I mean it."

"The title's Dance Through Life. It'll be onstage at Creative Playhouse down in the Village. Know the place?"

"'Fraid not. I love live theater, though. Especially off-Broadway."

He widened his grin. "This is far enough off Broadway you'll need binoculars and a guide to find it."

"Don't be silly. That is a hell of an accomplishment. God, to come to New York and actually have a play produced. You realize how many people try that and fail?" "Oh, believe me, I do." "I'll go see it when it opens."

"Really? I'll make sure you get free tickets-good seats. For you and your-" He suddenly clamped his mouth shut. "I mean-"

Allie knew who he meant. Hedra. But how had he found out about her?

He glanced around like a conspirator in occupied territory. The big Hispanic kid stared back at him with flat, wary eyes, as if suspecting he was the subject of derision. "It's all right by me if you have a roommate," Graham said softly. "What am I, the police? I noticed her in the Cody lately, saw her a few times with you. Then one day I heard you two talking as you got off the elevator, and you or she said something that revealed she was living with you. That's a major taboo in the Cody. I got out of sight in a hurry so you wouldn't see me. Didn't want to let you know that I knew." "How long have you known?"

"Oh, a couple of weeks. It's okay, though, your secret's safe with me. Honest!"

"I believe it is, Graham." What choice did she have? "But don't mention it to anybody else. Please!"

"My word of honor on that, Allie. In this friggin' city, I never know when I might have to advertise for a roommate myself to share expenses." "Not you, Graham. Not a successful playwright."

She was afraid she'd sounded patronizing, but he didn't seem to think so.

He wiped his hands together as if drying them on an invisible towel. Blushed. "I wouldn't say successful. At least not yet. And there's not that much money in it. Besides, Dance might fold after a week. Maybe after one performance. It happens."

"Don't jinx yourself." Allie spread cream cheese on her bagel, took a bite, and sipped her coffee.

He began to back away, embarrassed. She realized for the first time that he had a crush on her. Well, that was all right. A natural enough phenomenon that happened between men and women. Mature, normal people didn't let it upset their lives, didn't act on those low-level emotions and let them develop into more than friendship, into something that seized control. Then she remembered the obscene phone call. Graham?

No! Ridiculous. I won't let life in this city poison me. Graham Knox was the nicest and least threatening male she'd met in months. She wouldn't let urban paranoia destroy a burgeoning friendship.

He said, "I better get busy or I'll be fired and have to write like crazy." He picked up a catsup bottle from the next table, then walked another table down and picked up a second bottle. A third. Where was he going, into the kitchen to water down the stuff so there'd be enough to last through lunch and dinner? "Hey, I mean it about those tickets, Allie." "You better. I want opening night."

"No, let's make it a few performances later. When all the bugs are worked out." "Okay, you're the playwright." The lopsided grin. "Enjoy your breakfast." "Already have."

After she'd eaten, while she was digging in her purse to pay the check, Allie realized she'd forgotten a disk she wanted to program into the Fortune Fashions computers. No problem. She could hurry back down the street to the apartment and pick it up, then still make Mayfair's office on time.

When she opened the door, she was surprised to find Hedra home. As soon as she saw Allie, she stood up from where she was sitting on the sofa. Her hands hung awkwardly at her sides, fingers working, kneading air.

"Thought you were at work," Allie said, striding to the alcove where her computer was set up.

Behind her Hedra said, "I was just about to walk out the door."

Allie found the floppy disk she was searching for, slid it into a protective hard plastic cover, then stuffed it into her purse.

When she walked out from behind the silk folding screen that formed a fourth wall of the alcove, she said, "I had an interesting conversation with a waiter down at Goya's."

Hedra adjusted the belt of her brown skirt. The skirt's hem hit her at an unflattering angle, Allie noticed. "It's too easy in this city to have interesting conversations with waiters." "This one turned out to be a nice guy."

"Far as you know from talking to him over the soup. You shouldn't mix with strange men that way, Allie." "He's one of our neighbors."

Hedra frowned. She had more makeup on today and looked almost attractive. Allie recognized the eyeshade and lipstick. Colors like her own makeup. "He lives here?" Hedra asked. "In the Cody?" "Right."

"Like I used to," Sam said, walking in from the kitchen. He was using a spoon to scoop low-fat yogurt from a plastic container. Dressed for business today: dark blue pin-stripe suit, white shirt, red tie. It was an outfit the dress-for-success books said was supposed to inspire trust.

Allie realized her mouth was open. She looked at Hedra, who couldn't meet her eyes and seemed to be studying the toe of her black loafer. Hedra mumbled, "I tried to let you know…" Allie glared at Sam. "What are you doing here?" "Came to see you, but Hedra said you'd left." "Hedra-"

"Don't blame her," Sam interrupted. "I sorta forced my way in."

"I wasn't gonna blame anyone but you for being here," Allie assured him. Anger gathered deep in her. "If you think you have the run of this place just because you can notify the landlord I have a roommate, think again, Sam."

He gave her his smile that could melt cold steel. Usually. "I only wanted to see you. I still love you, Allie. I can't help it."

Hedra coughed nervously, then said, "I better get moving or I'll be late for work."

Neither Allie nor Sam spoke as she grabbed up her purse and a light coat and went out, moving jerkily and too fast. "I'm leaving, too," Allie said. "I'll go with you down to the street."

She knew she couldn't stop him from doing that. Not unless she wanted to leave him here in the apartment by himself. "You sure will. You don't think I'd leave you here alone, do you?" "I don't suppose you would," Sam said.

Allie locked the apartment door behind her while Sam stood in the hall, watching. There was the slightest hint of a smile on his face, as if he'd just heard a good joke and it lingered in his mind.

Hedra had already gone down in the elevator. Allie and Sam waited silently while it rose slowly back to the third floor. It seemed to take long enough to rise three hundred floors.

Allie heard the cables thrum as the elevator adjusted to floor level. The doors slid open. Sam stood back like a gentleman to let her enter first. She felt like waiting until the doors were about to close, then stepping into the elevator so he wouldn't have time to follow. The old rattletrap didn't have the kinds of doors that opened automatically if someone stuck a hand between them. But she knew that was foolish and would accomplish nothing in the long run.

Alone with him in the elevator, she reached around him to press the button. Gave it a twist with her thumb. Sam said, "I'm asking for your forgiveness, Allie."

She was silent, trying not to let his nearness affect her in the cramped space. She could smell his familiar aftershave, feel the warmth of him. The doors slid closed and the elevator hummed into motion.

Neither she nor Sam said anything until the elevator doors opened. Allie started to step out, then realized they weren't at lobby level. She looked at the floor indicator light, saw she'd pressed the wrong button on Three. The elevator was on the thirtieth floor. Sam was smiling faintly, as if he suspected she'd done it with subconscious purpose as some kind of Freudian slip. My God, might he be right?

She very deliberately stabbed a finger at the Lobby button, and the elevator began its descent. She felt a hollowness in her stomach, as if they were plunging straight down the shaft at dizzying speed. Down to the center of the earth. He said, "Other women forgive other men for less." "We're not other women and other men." He gave a humorless soft chuckle. "Somebody has to be. How else could Gallup and Harris take all those polls?" "I never took part in a poll." "My life's not good without you, Allie." "You don't seem to have any trouble finding stand- ins."

He clenched his fist and stared down at it, as if what had happened to his hand troubled him. Then he banged it into the elevator's steel wall. "So I'm a fucking sinner! Who are you, Mother Teresa? Isn't a human being allowed one mistake? For God's sakes, are you shooting for the ministry? I need you, Allie!"

Allie's heart was slamming. The abruptness of his outburst had startled her. The unexpected violence, and the heat of his words. Words that penetrated like darts because they recognized an imperfect world and made undeniable sense.

He was staring at her, his deep dark eyes angry and injured. She didn't know quite how to react. She heard a voice something like hers say, "What now, Sam? You grab me and kiss me into submission like in the movies? Or give me a good shake until I see reason? Get what you want by force if it isn't given willingly?" "I don't play the game that way and you know it."

He was right, of course. She did know that about him. "Game, huh?"

The elevator stopped on Ten. The doors opened to an empty hall, then closed again. They continued their descent. "Don't twist what I say, Allie."

"All right, I suppose that wasn't fair. Mother Teresa apologizes."

He wiped a hand down his face in slow motion, a gesture of remorse. "I shouldn't have lost my temper." "No, but maybe I shouldn't blame you."

He bent down and kissed her gently on the forehead. "I'm sorry, Allie. So sorry." She didn't move. Felt him bend lower as he braced with one hand against the elevator wall. His lips were against hers. She was suddenly tired of resisting, and all this time she hadn't realized she was resisting him. Perhaps that was the most exhausting kind of self-denial.

Allie parted her lips, felt the probing warmth of his tongue. She felt herself catch fire.

He shifted position and his arms were around her, pressing her to him.

The fire spread throughout her body. Jesus, she didn't want this! Yet she wanted it fiercely! So fiercely! She was ashamed of herself but couldn't help it, couldn't stop needing Sam. This was the kind of crap that happened in romance novels, not in her life.

They were no longer plunging through the core of the building. They'd been at lobby level for some time while the elevator adjusted position. The doors hissed open on the empty lobby, to faint sounds of traffic and the outside world.

Allie pulled away from Sam. She stared at the world beyond the street doors, and suddenly she didn't want to go any further. She was held by a force stronger than her pride. Sam pulled her close to him again, as if she were as weightless as she felt. She heard him say, "Can you phone wherever you were going and say you'll be late?"

She nodded, her cheek pressed against his white shirt and red tie. Trusting him. Wanting him. She nodded again, more vigorously, so he could feel the motion of her head against his chest even if he couldn't see it. She reached around him and pressed the Up button.