10

DERRY, NEW HAMPSHIRE


FALL 1970

“Mom, my head hurts.”

In the dim gray light of dawn he had padded from his room into the master bedroom where Lila slept alone in the big fancy canopy bed. His father had left while it was still dark that morning to drive to Boston’s Logan Airport in order to pilot the 747 he was assigned for the next several days. They had been out the night before, and Lila’s clothes were still draped across a chair, her black lace-top nylons hanging on the arm.

Still furry with sleep, Lila opened her eyes. “Oh, baby, I’m so sorry.” She sat up and put her arms around him.

“I couldn’t even sleep,” he whimpered.

It was a month after the accident and the headaches were getting worse. She gave him a kiss on his forehead. “My poor little Beauty Boy.”

“It hurts so much.” His voice broke and he struggled not to cry as he rested his head against her.

“I know. I know. I’m so sorry.” She patted the side of the bed for him to sit down. “Want me to get the peas?”

A bag of frozen peas across his forehead worked when the headaches were mild, but not when they got this bad. “No.”

“Okay, I’ll get you your medicine, and that should do the trick.”

She got up and went to the bathroom and returned with a pill and a glass of water. She sat beside him, dressed in a shiny pink baby-doll nightie with a short bottom—a gift from his father last Valentine’s Day. And while he drank it down, she rubbed his leg. “Good boy. That will make you feel better.”

She got back into the bed and held up the covers for him to crawl in beside her. When he did, she pulled the covers over them both and snuggled up against him, his face against her chest. He could detect the sweet flowery scent of her perfume in her hair and on her breast. With one hand she gently massaged his temple. “Does that feel better?”

“Mmmm.”

She kissed him again. “Good,” and continued massaging him.

“But I wish you didn’t have that stupid accident.”

“Me, too, that stupid truck driver.”

“Yeah.”

She kissed him again. “You try to sleep, okay?”

“But what about school?”

It was the third week into fourth grade at Bishop Elementary. The cuts and bruises had all but healed. Except for a starburst scar on his forehead where he had hit the windshield, no one would have known that he had experienced a terrible car accident, sending him into a three-day coma.

“Well, I think we’re going to skip school today.”

“Okay.”

“Besides, all those kids and the noise is kind of scary when you’re not feeling well, right?”

“Uh-huh.” And he snuggled into the warm satiny pillow of her chest. Even though he liked school and had friends, including Becky Tolland who lived a few streets away, he welcomed a day with Lila.

“And you know what we can do when you’re feeling better? We can work on your model airplane and maybe do some drawing. Would you like that?”

The model 747 from his father he had completed in an hour and now it sat on a shelf. Since then Lila had bought him several more kits, including a fighter jet. He took to them with a passion, working for hours methodically fitting together the intricate pieces and affixing all the colorful decals. On occasion she would sit on the floor with him like another kid and put together a model as they did puzzles that she had bought. She had also bought him a sketchbook and different colored pencils. They would often sit and draw together.

“Uh-huh.”

“You know what?” she said. “You’re my best friend in the whole world.”

“Me, too.”

She kissed him on the top of the head and pulled him closer. He could feel her crucifix against his cheek. He pulled it out. “You always wear this.”

“I sure do, and I will ’til the day I die.”

“But Dad doesn’t wear one.”

“I know, but he should.”

Jesus was one of the many things they fought about. Raised a Roman Catholic, she went to church almost every Sunday, but his father never accompanied her, except on Christmas and Easter. He boasted that he was a born-again agnostic.

“And I wear it for good reason, because Jesus protects me.”

“What does he protect you from?”

“Danger, evil, mistakes I may make. Maybe I’ll get you one so Jesus can protect you, too. Would you like that?”

“Yes, but can he make my headaches go away?”

“You bet he can. In fact, let’s say a little prayer right now.”

“Okay.”

She closed her eyes and made him do the same thing as she asked Jesus to make his headaches go away. They were quiet for a while, then she whispered, “Feel any better?”

“No, it still hurts.”

“Oh, poor baby. But I tell you what. Let’s play a little game, okay?”

“What game?”

“It’s called ‘How Big Is My Headache?’”

He had never heard of the game, but he nodded.

“Okay, but you have to use your imagination, You have to tell me if it’s bigger or smaller. Okay? Is it as big as a house?”

“Smaller.”

“Is it as big as a car?”

“Smaller.”

He liked this game. He liked the attention she gave him. (More than he ever got from his father, who wasn’t silly or fun like Lila. Plus he never had the time.) He liked being close to her and absorbing her sweet scent and warm softness. “Smaller.”

“Good. Okay, is it as big as…Mommy?”

His dad didn’t like him to call her that, once reminding him that his real mother was dead and that Lila was his stepmother and that he should address her as Lila. But he didn’t remember his real mother and liked calling Lila Mom. She defended him, and Kirk never brought it up again. “Smaller.”

She gave him a kiss on his head again. “Well, that’s good. Is it as big as a football?”

He thought about that for a while. “Yes.”

“Great. Now, close your eyes and imagine that you have that football in your hands, okay? But it isn’t made of leather but Silly Putty. Okay? Now take that Silly Putty ball in your hands and press in the pointy ends and make it nice and round.”

“Okay.”

“Good. Now squeeze it and squeeze it and squeeze it until it gets smaller and smaller and roll it in your hands until it’s just a fat pink cherry, okay?”

“Okay.”

“Now pop the cherry in your mouth and with your tongue roll it around, making it smaller and smaller until it’s just a tiny little pink berry. Then in one big gulp, swallow it.”

He did what she said, and almost by magic his headache disappeared. “It’s gone!” he squealed, looking up at her with wide incredulous eyes.

“See? Dr. Lila to the rescue.” And she gave him a kiss on his mouth. “Now you close your eyes again and get some sleep.” She put her hand behind his head.

He closed his eyes and happily burrowed himself into her softness, savoring the absence of that nasty throbbing, and stretching his body along hers. After a moment he felt her hand gently pet the back of his head and neck as she closed one leg over his, drawing him into the deep warm refuge of her. In the last few moments before he sank into sleep, he remembered thinking that there was no other place in the world that he would rather be.

It must have been nearly two hours later when in the brighter light of the bedroom he woke only to discover that Lila had herself fallen asleep while still cuddling him, and that her top was pulled down, her crucifix was gone, and her naked breast was against his open mouth.

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