Skulldoggery

10

Half an hour later, Crump reappeared. He came out of the drive and turned onto the road and started trudging back in the direction from which he had come. He was now walking a little lop-sided, due to the fact that he was carrying in his right hand something that looked from a distance like an odd-shaped traveling bag of some kind. Lester, peering intently, made a sound that was a cross between a whimper and a groan.

“What’s the matter with you?” Pearl said. “Are you sick or something?”

“Yes, I am,” Lester said. “I’m about as sick as a man can get.”

“You’d better get out of the car while there’s still time.” Pearl, who had become temporarily accessible for the purpose of limited entertainment that had helped to pass the time while they waited for Crump, scooted over in her bucket as far as she could with a look of alarm. “Lester, get out at once.”

“I’m not sick that way. Damn it, Pearl, don’t you see what that is old Crump is carrying?”

“It looks to me like some sort of case.”

“It’s not a case. It’s a cage. The old devil has bought another Chihuahua.”

“Really? Do you think so?”

“I don’t think. I know. He’s delivering sex to Senorita Fogarty.”

“Well, have you ever in your life heard of such a dirty trick before!”

“Crump is a monster, that’s what he is.”

“There is no good now, however, in calling names. The question, as I see it, is what are you going to do about it?”

“Whatever is done must be done quickly, but I can’t think of anything to do.”

“That’s your trouble, Lester. You must be directed in every little thing. If it’s not Hester, it’s I. It’s surely apparent in this instance that direct action is called for.”

“You’re right. This is no time to hesitate. Pearl, I’ll tell you what I’m going to do. I’m going to run old Crump and his cursed stud down from the rear. From this distance, I can easily get up to seventy miles an hour before reaching them.”

“The hell you are!” Pearl grasped the handle of the door with one hand, as if prepared to get out immediately. “Lester, you’re absolutely without any judgment whatever. Besides risking a serious crash, you would certainly be caught by the police. Moreover, if I know you, you would get me involved and into more trouble than I have any taste for.”

“You suggest something, then. How do you expect me to accomplish anything if you keep vetoing everything I think of?”

“Why don’t you simply take the stud away from him? He’s such a scrawny little man, even you should have no difficulty in that.”

“What good would it do? He’d just get another one.”

“Not if you were sufficiently fierce. I’m sure you could frighten him out of the notion if you made the effort.”

“Maybe I could frighten Crump, but Mrs. Crump is something else. Our recent encounter convinced me of that. Anyhow, someone might come along and see me.”

“Lester, it’s apparent that you are only making excuses to avoid doing anything at all. What you must do is offer Crump a ride. Then you can take him off on a side road where there will be practically no chance of interruption.”

“I hope you’re right. If you’re not, things may become a little difficult.”

“They’re going to become impossible if you delay much longer. Crump is getting farther and farther away all the time, and there will be no chance for direct action if you let him reach the bus stop.”

“All right. You needn’t keep harassing me, Pearl. Let’s go.”

He reached for the ignition key, and Pearl at the same time unlatched the door and stepped out into the road.

“I wish you’d break the habit of speaking in the plural all the time, Lester. If you think I’m going with you, you can think again.”

“Oh, come on, Pearl. Get in again.”

“Not I. I’m willing to make suggestions and help in other ways, but I’m not prepared to become an accessory in stealing Crump’s stud.”

“I must say that that’s a very poor attitude. It’s all right, I suppose, for me to take all the chances by myself.”

“You may as well stop trying to influence me, Lester. It won’t work. I’ll wait right here for you, and don’t forget to pick me up as soon as possible, or you’ll be sorry.”

Pearl went over and sat down on the grass under a tree, and Lester, definitely deserted and on his own, started the MG and drove off after Crump, who had disappeared over a rise in the road. When he was in view again, he was trudging along briskly, listing now to the left, having switched the cage from one hand to the other. He moved over toward the shoulder when he heard Lester approaching from the rear, but he did not pause nor look around. Lester, coming slowly abreast, stopped and hailed him with a creditable note of surprise.

“Well, Crump, what brings you way out here?”

Crump leaped and spun in the air, and Lester had the impression that he was about to take to the fields. He held his ground, however, getting between Lester and the cage in a defensive position. It was clear that even the prospect of a ride was not sufficient to make Lester welcome or wanted. Crump’s attitude, in fact, was one of overt suspicion.

“I might say the same to you,” he said.

“What’s that you’re holding behind you?”

“Never mind what it is.”

“It looks like a cage.”

“Whatever it is, it’s none of your business.”

“Come, Crump. Let’s be friends. Hop in. I’ll give you a lift home.”

“Nothing doing. I rode the bus out, and I’ll ride it back.”

“I’ll take you up to the end of the line, then, I’m going right past.”

“No, thanks. I’ll walk.”

“Damn it, Crump, don’t be such a contrary old devil. Get in at once if you know what’s good for you.”

“I know what’s good for me, and I know what’s bad for me, and I know better than to have any truck with the likes of you.”

So saying, he started down the road again, and Lester was tempted to run him down from behind, advice to the contrary notwithstanding, but another car came along just then from the opposite direction, and he decided that the odds against doing it successfully were excessive, if not formidable. There was nothing to do but go back for Pearl, and he went.

Pearl was sitting with her back braced against the trunk of the tree and her legs stretched straight in front of her. They were nice legs and made an attractive pair. She had removed her shoes for comfort’s sake, and was wiggling her nylon toes in a diminutive ecstasy of freedom. Lester drove past her on the road, made a sharp U-turn, and came back alongside, where he stopped.

“Are you back already?” she said.

“As you see,” he said, “I am.”

“It doesn’t seem to me that you’ve had time to accomplish anything. Where’s the stud?”

“With Crump, that’s where.”

“Where’s Crump?” Pearl scrambled to her feet, slipped her feet into her shoes, and walked across to the MG. “Lester, you didn’t ignore my advice and run him down after all, did you?”

“No, I didn’t, but I was tempted.”

“What happened?”

“Nothing happened. I offered him a lift, and he declined. It’s incredible how wily the old devil is.”

“Did you get a close look at the cage?”

“Close enough. He had a Chihuahua in it, all right.”

“And you let him get away! Lester, I give up. I absolutely do. In my opinion, you are hopeless. You permit yourself to be temporarily disinherited by a dog, and now you are simply going to stand back and let it be made permanent by endless litters.”

“Damn it, Pearl, I can’t help it if old Crump is riddled with suspicion. Anyhow, Senorita Fogarty may have sex tonight, but it will be some time before she has pups. In the meanwhile, something must be done.”

“Frankly, I have no confidence in your ability to do it.”

“Well, you might at least be fair about it. You know as well as I that this is a very complex situation. It needs another head, that’s what, and Hester’s is the head it needs. What we must do, Pearl, is find her right now and inform her of developments.”

“There you go again, Lester, speaking in the plural. You’d think you had a frog in your pocket or something.”

“Don’t you want to come with me?”

“No, I don’t, frankly. I only want to go home, if you will be so good as to take me.” Pearl crawled into her bucket and pulled her skirt down over her knees as a clear indication of her position. “Please drive me there, Lester, with both hands on the wheel.”

“Well, all right, if you insist. But I don’t see why you have to be so unreasonable.”

“Unreasonable? I? It’s hardly unreasonable to try to salvage at least part of a day that has been largely wasted.”

“Oh, I don’t know. How about the time when we were waiting for old Crump to come out of the kennel?”

“You know very well that I’m especially susceptible when bored,” Pearl said. “It wasn’t fair of you to take advantage of me.”