Solzhenitsyn: A Soul in Exile

^{CHAPTER THREE} MAN AND WIFE

The enormous energy Solzhenitsyn exuded throughout his life was already evident in his youth. Besides his university studies, his dabblings with literature, his extracurricular sorties into the intricacies of Marxism-Leninism, and his recreational activities with the close circle of friends with whom he went cycling, he also found time for his first serious romance. Natalya Reshetovskaya records in her memoirs that she first met Solzhenitsyn in 1936, near the beginning of their first year at university. It was during the lunch break, and she looked up from the sandwich she was consuming to see “a tall, lean youth with thick, light hair… bounding up the stairs two steps at a time”.¹ He spotted two friends and explained in “a rapid-fire speech” that he was attending some lectures in the chemistry department where Reshetovskaya was studying. “Everything about him seemed rapid, headlong”, she remembered, adding that he had “very mobile features”. At the time of his arrival, Natalya was having lunch with Nikolai Vitkevich and Kirill Simonyan, who along with Solzhenitsyn had formed the “Three Musketeers” at high school. His two friends had both enrolled in the chemistry department, and Natalya recalled that Solzhenitsyn’s eyes “darted from one person to the other or focused on me with interest”. The first time his eyes had rested on her, the lower part of her face was masked by “an enormous apple”, which she was munching between bites of her sandwich. When the apple was lowered, he saw a full-lipped, chestnut-haired girl who had an air of extrovert exuberance. The three boys began to talk animatedly about their schooldays together, and Natalya observed that Solzhenitsyn’s energetic mannerisms were merely an outward expression of a lively intellect: “Their conversation was studded with references to heroic figures from the most varied literary sources imaginable; there were ancient gods, of course, and historical personages galore. They knew everything under the sun, all three of them: that was the way I saw them.”²

Little did Natalya realize, as these first impressions sank in, that she and the lively seventeen-year-old had much in common in their family and social backgrounds. Her father had served as a Cossack officer in the First World War and had fought on the side of the Whites in the civil war that followed. In November 1919, with Bolshevik victory imminent, he went into exile with the remnants of the volunteer army. Natalya was only ten months old at the time so, like Solzhenitsyn, had never known her father. Another similarity with Solzhenitsyn was the fact that she was de facto an only child. Before her, there had been twins, but they had been born prematurely and had died in infancy. Her mother had been joined in Rostov by her exiled husband’s three unmarried sisters, so that, when Solzhenitsyn first set eyes on Natalya, she was living in a flat with four middle-aged ladies, three of them maiden aunts.

Solzhenitsyn’s first contact with Natalya’s family came on November 7, 1936, when he and the other two “Musketeers”, along with three female students, were invited by Natalya’s mother to visit them. During the course of the evening, the group amused themselves by playing forfeits, and Natalya, a gifted pianist, entertained her guests with a rendition of Chopin’s “Fourteenth Etude”. Her musicianship impressed Solzhenitsyn immensely, and he told her as they were preparing for supper how beautifully she played.³ Ten days later there was another party, organized by the biology students for the birthday of Liulya Oster, another of Solzhenitsyn’s high-school classmates. Solzhenitsyn and Natalya were both present, and on this occasion, he seems to have been impressed by more than her prowess at the piano. “Today is exactly twenty years from the day when I considered myself utterly and irrevocably in love with you”, he wrote in a letter to her on November 17, 1956. “The party at Liulya’s; you in a white silk dress and I (playing games, joking, but taking it all quite seriously) on my knees before you. The next day was a holiday—I wandered along Pushkin Boulevard and was out of my mind with love for you.”⁴

If this was indeed the day that Solzhenitsyn fell in love with his future wife, he kept the fact carefully concealed for many months afterward. One wonders, in fact, whether his letter of twenty years later can be taken as a reliable account of his feelings. It was written at a time when he was once again courting his wife following many years of enforced separation, and one cannot discount the possibility that the words were selected, the memory selective, with this latter-day courtship in mind. Such a view appears to be vindicated by Natalya herself in her observation that Solzhenitsyn conceived his idea for the epic historical novel on the “very same evening” that he was purportedly out of his mind with love for her. Certainly it appears incongruous that a seventeen-year-old, purportedly in the throes of first love, should spend his evenings mulling over ideas for a literary epic about the Revolution, rather than moping over his new love.

The letter’s reliability is further thrown into question by the fact that Solzhenitsyn appears to have shown no outward sign of his love. Perhaps this was mere youthful bashfulness or else the result of loyalty to his friend Nikolai Vitkevich, who was closer to Natalya than he was. “That year”, Natalya wrote, she was more Nikolai’s friend “than anyone else’s”.⁵ It was Nikolai who sat next to Natalya during chemistry lectures and who shared notes with her. It was Nikolai who had taught her to play chess during the winter holidays, and it was Nikolai in the summer who had shown her how to ride a bicycle. When Solzhenitsyn, Nikolai, and several other friends had embarked on their cycling tour of the Georgian Highway, it was Nikolai and not Solzhenitsyn who had written to her.

It is of course possible that Solzhenitsyn had concealed his feelings as a selfless act of chivalry or in a touching display of loyalty to his old schoolfriend. Yet it is certain that he was outwardly happy during 1937 and that his friendship with Nikolai Vitkevich was as close and as apparently untroubled as ever. Furthermore, he had a whole host of other interests that absorbed both his time and attention, and Natalya remained apparently oblivious of any amorous feelings on his part.

It is tempting to conclude that Solzhenitsyn’s feelings were not quite as deep in the early days of their friendship as his letter of twenty years later suggested. Far from being “out of his mind” with love for her, perhaps he felt a mere physical attraction to her in the same way he may have found attractive other young girls of his acquaintance. Possibly she was only one of several for whom his young eyes yearned.

It was not until the winter of 1937, a year after they had first met, that their relationship developed the depth that enabled a full-blown love affair to flourish. Toward the end of the year, a course of dancing classes was started at the university, and of their closely knit group of friends only Natalya and Solzhenitsyn attended. Predictably enough, they became dancing partners and were soon partnering each other beyond the confines of the classes. “We also started going out together to university parties,” Natalya remembered, “and we danced only with each other.”⁶ Soon they were also going to the theater and the cinema together. Solzhenitsyn would pick her up at home, and, before leaving, she would play the piano for him. Theirs seemed the ideal student relationship; they were enjoying all the fun and frivolity of undergraduate life without the sacrifice and commitment of a married couple. “I was happy with things as they were,” wrote Natalya in her memoirs, “and I did not want any changes at all.” Then, on July 2, 1938, as they sat together in Rostov’s Theatrical Park, Solzhenitsyn declared his love for her, explained that he visualized her always at his side, and asked whether she was able to give him the same commitment. It was a proposal of marriage, and Natalya realized that he was expecting an answer. She was thrown into confusion. What exactly did she feel toward this lively, energetic young man who was seated beside her in the park, waiting expectantly for her reply? “Was it love—that love for whose sake one is ready to forget everything and everyone and plunge headlong into its abyss? At that time this was the only way I could understand the meaning of true love (I got it out of books, of course). Today, with a lifetime of experience behind me, it is still the only way I know how to understand true love.”⁷

Looking into that abyss, she found herself terrified at the prospect of what true love entailed. She was living such a full and varied life, with many different friends and interests. Solzhenitsyn simply could not take the place of everything, even though he already meant a great deal to her: “For me the world did not consist of him alone. Nevertheless, it seemed that something had to be decided, something had to be said at once. I turned away, laid my head on the back of the park bench, and began to cry.”⁸

However, it is doubtful whether Solzhenitsyn had reached the position of “true love” himself when he made his proposal to Natalya. At the time, or at least very shortly beforehand, he was seeing another girl, nicknamed “Little Gipsy”, to whom he wrote poems and about whom he later wrote a short story, also called “Little Gipsy”. Forty years later, he still kept photographs of her in his family album. They show a pretty girl with a smiling face; dark, brushed-back hair; and brooding eyes. One of the photographs shows him dancing with her at a student picnic to music from a hand-wound gramophone nestling in the grass. This was in April 1938, well after the date when he is supposed to have fallen in love with Natalya. Another shows him with his arm around her as they pose with others for a group picture. It is difficult to discern exactly how serious was Solzhenitsyn’s relationship with “Little Gipsy”, but the fact that she inspired him to both poetry and prose suggests something deeper than a mere casual acquaintance. Either way, it does illustrate an ambivalence in his feelings toward Natalya that falls far short of true love.

On July 5, 1938, three days after the failure to receive the desired reply to his proposal, he accompanied Natalya to a concert performance by Tamara Tseretelli, a well-known singer. To her dismay, Natalya felt that his attitude to her had cooled. He was “reserved, overpolite, taciturn”. Distraught, she feared the worst: “Did that mean everything was over? Suddenly my full life lost its attractiveness. If only what used to be could have remained that way forever! I could not bear to give up the way things were before. I wanted everything to stay just as it was. Could this be what love was all about?” Many complications, many questions, but precious few answers loomed in front of the naïve nineteen-year-old. Describing herself as “hitherto always reserved in word and deed”,⁹ a few days later she wrote Solzhenitsyn a note to say that she loved him. Far from being given freely, her hand had been forced.

Following her surrender, Natalya recalled that “everything did remain as I wanted it to—though not altogether the way it was before. Gradually a great tenderness and affection flowed into our relationship. It was becoming more and more difficult to separate after an evening together, more and more painful not to give in to our desires.”¹⁰ Once again, one suspects that these memories, written more than thirty years afterward, put a rose-tinted gloss on the reality. Whereas they may have been true for Natalya, it is less likely that Solzhenitsyn’s feelings were quite so intense. During 1938, he was still working on the historical epic, still finding time to write poetry and short stories, and in between was still working diligently at his university studies. In the summer of 1938, he took an extended holiday with Nikolai, cycling through the Ukraine and the Crimea, and at the beginning of 1939, he suggested to Nikolai that they enroll as correspondence students at the MIFLI—the Moscow Institute of Philosophy, Literature, and History, the foremost institution in the country for the study of the humanities. Nikolai accepted with enthusiasm, and, along with their respective university courses, they embarked on serious study of the “Oldsters”, their nickname for the celebrated philosophers of the past. Solzhenitsyn chose to study literature, Nikolai opted for philosophy, and Kirill, the third “Musketeer”, decided on comparative literature. As external students, they would receive their instruction by post, send in their answers to questions also by post, and twice a year, during the winter and summer vacations, were required to travel to Moscow to attend a special course of lectures and be examined on the work of the preceding six months. The content of the courses and the examinations was identical to that for students in residence, and the diploma they received would be of equal academic value. In essence, therefore, the three friends were now embarked on two simultaneous degree courses, one in the sciences and one in the humanities.

Obviously, this entailed a considerable extra workload, encroaching still further on the time Solzhenitsyn had available to spend with Natalya. She recalled that his studies had become almost obsessive. Even while waiting for a trolleybus, he would flip through a set of small homemade cards on one side of which he had inscribed some historical event or personage and on the other the corresponding dates. Often, before a concert or a film began, she would be called upon to test his memory “using the same endless cards: When did Marcus Aurelius reign? When was the Edict of Karakol promulgated?” Another set of homemade cards neatly recorded Latin words and phrases. On the days when the courting couple was not planning to go to the cinema or to a concert, Solzhenitsyn would insist that they didn’t meet until ten o’clock at night when the reading room closed. He was “more willing to sacrifice sleep than study time for the sake of his beloved”, Natalya complained.¹¹

Under these circumstances, it was scarcely surprising that Natalya now sought some assurance of her lover’s commitment. “To merge our beings or to part—that was how I began to see our situation.” Increasingly frustrated at Solzhenitsyn’s apparent unwillingness to merge his being with hers, she wrote to him suggesting that they take the alternative course. His reply, as uncompromising as ever, could hardly have been what she desired. Although he could not conceive of her as anything but his wife, he feared that marriage might interfere with his main goal in life. For the time being, his priority was to complete his course at the MIFLI as quickly as possible after graduating from university. He reminded her that she too was committed to her studies at the conservatory and that this in itself would make rigorous demands on their time. If they were not careful, “time could be placed in jeopardy” by the relative trivia of family life, which might ruin their hopes and aspirations. After listing everything else that could possibly rob them of “the time to spread our wings”, he named the final “pleasant-unpleasant consequence”—a child.¹²

In spite of these reservations, and perhaps rashly, given their attitudes, the couple still decided to marry, coming to the decision in early 1939 but agreeing to postpone the event until spring of the following year. “It was”, writes Michael Scammell, “as if marriage, for the young Solzhenitsyn, was almost a chore, an inevitable hurdle that somehow had to be taken in one’s stride, without causing too much distraction, before resuming one’s momentum.”¹³

In the summer of 1939, at the age of twenty, Solzhenitsyn made his first-ever visit to Moscow to register at the MIFLI. He and Nikolai had already resolved to take advantage of the journey north to explore uncharted territory and, after registering and attending some introductory lectures, they made their way to Kazan on the river Volga. For the sum of 225 roubles, they purchased an ancient baidarka, a type of primitive dug-out with high boarded gunwales peculiar to that river and region, and proceeded in this cumbersome boat along the Volga on a three-week camping trip. They traveled light, sleeping by night on straw in the bottom of the boat, and rowing or drifting downstream by day, stopping occasionally to cook a meal on a camp-fire or to visit places of interest. The bulk of their luggage consisted of books, and they spent the time either reading these or else locked in passionate discussions about the future prospects of communism, to which both of them remained wholeheartedly committed. Solzhenitsyn was also deeply impressed with the beautiful scenery embracing the banks of the Volga, comparing it favorably with the drab and dusty flatness of his native south. This was Russia’s heart, the real Russia, which resonated in Russian literature and folklore.

The primeval beauty of the countryside contrasted starkly with the dilapidated state of many of the villages they passed en route. The Russian village, romanticized in many of the classics the two travelers knew so well, had changed beyond recognition, bearing little resemblance to the healthy, self-sufficient communities described by Turgenev, Tolstoy, and Chekhov. Instead, as Solzhenitsyn later described in his autobiographical poem The Way, the two friends found only decay, desolation, and neglect. Loudspeakers blared trite propaganda jingles informing the villagers how good life was under communism, while the village consumer cooperative displayed only row upon row of empty shelves. They had arrived in one village looking for food to augment their basic supply of dry biscuits and potatoes, but there was none to be found, except for a bucketful of apples, which they purchased for a few kopecks. The village, like thousands of others throughout Russia, had been devastated by collectivization, yet the two young communists, returning disappointed to their boat, were too naïve to understand how the reality before their eyes belied their idealistic discussions of Marxist dogma, the futility of their utopian theorizing.

As the idealists drifted downstream, there were other grim reminders that Soviet life was not all that it was purported to be. One evening, while moored by the bank for the night at a place called Krasnaya Glinka, they were suddenly surrounded by a platoon of armed guards and tracker dogs. The guards were searching for a pair of escapees and had evidently mistaken the two terrified students for their quarry. Realizing their error, they hurled a string of curses at them, ordered them to move on, and dashed away in pursuit of their prey. On another occasion, they passed an open launch crammed with prisoners handcuffed to one another, and near Zhiguli, they saw gangs of ragged men with picks and shovels digging foundations for a power station. Later Solzhenitsyn came to understand the significance of these sightings, but only after he had become one of the ragged men himself. For the time being, the bewildering visions were cast aside, exorcised from his untroubled mind.

In Kuibyshev, at the end of their voyage, the friends sold their dug-out for 200 roubles, only twenty-five fewer than they had paid for it. Congratulating themselves on a bargain break, they returned by train to Rostov.

Throughout the autumn and winter of 1939, Solzhenitsyn buried himself once more in his studies. Physics and mathematics vied with literature, philosophy, and history for his attention, and, somewhere in the midst, the courtship with Natalya continued. The spring of 1940 arrived, and, as prearranged, they went ahead with the marriage. The date they chose for the wedding ceremony was April 27, although as a ceremony, it was decidedly unceremonious. It was a warm, windy day, and the couple, now both twenty-one, simply went to the city registry office and registered their marriage as the law dictated. They informed no one of the step they were taking, not even their parents. There was only one moment of drama in the otherwise drab affair, and even that was unintended. During the signing of the register, Natalya dipped the ancient quill into the inkwell with a vigorous flourish. As she withdrew it, she caught the nib on the side, and the pen flew out of her hand, somersaulted in mid-air and landed on Solzhenitsyn’s forehead, depositing a large blot. “It was an omen”, he said, not altogether jokingly, when describing the incident many years later.¹⁴

In this inauspicious setting, the young couple was registered as man and wife. The secular solemnizing of their love seemed to have little in common with the sacramental sacrifice and lavish surroundings of the Russian Orthodox weddings their parents had known. Times had changed, and for richer or poorer, better or worse, Alexander Solzhenitsyn and Natalya Reshetovskaya had decided to face the Soviet future together. Yet the doubts remained; as they left the registry office, Solzhenitsyn gave his legally registered wife a photograph of himself with a niggling question inscribed on the back, intended as a plea for the reassurance that even marriage could not give: “Will you under all circumstances love the man with whom you once united your life?”¹⁵