The A to Z of You and Me

M

Muscles

‘OUR CONCERN IS over muscle wastage,’ the consultant mutters to your mum.

Plastic mask marks your face.

Bedbound, the ventilator breathes out, you breathe in; clicks; in, you breathe out.

A ventilator is not a part of the body. It absolutely is not.

Brainbranded.

We’ve been sitting with you for two days now. The ventilator breathes out, you breathe in; clicks; in, you breathe out.

‘We have to hope that she is going to be able to breathe unaided before long. The concern is that, with the ventilator doing all the work, the muscles she uses to breathe will become too weak to work on their own.’

No — no.

Bitter, evil memory.

That’s where poor Amber will be now. Her brain will branded with the memory of her mum, lying there in the bed. Like the blinding blink trails of a dark sun, repeating on her retina.

It took me over a year to blink away those final moments of you, even for a little while.