The Bitterest Pill

Fifty

Cole was already out of it on the couch. Jesse couldn’t sleep. This happened to him occasionally since he had parted ways with alcohol. He paced around, read a little, and caught the end of The Outlaw Josey Wales on cable. It was one of those movies he could watch from any point in the movie to the end. He turned on his computer. When it booted up, he typed Swingline Sue’s into Google, but never hit enter as his cell phone buzzed on the table. He saw it was from the Paradise Police Department and picked up.

“What’s up, Suit?”

“There’s a kid here to see you... Rich Amitrano. Says he was a friend of Heather Mackey’s and that he really needs to speak with you.”

“Ten minutes.”

Jesse walked into the stationhouse, waved hello to Suit, who nodded at the bench by the fingerprinting table. Rich was staring at his phone, which made him like every other teenager Jesse had encountered over the last several years. The kid looked as tired as Jesse felt. He guessed they could share at least a few minutes of insomnia together.

“Hey, Rich,” Jesse said, offering his hand.

The kid shook it, placing his phone in his front pocket.

“Come on into my office. You want anything? Water, coffee, tea?”

“No, that’s okay, Chief Stone.”

“Jesse. C’mon.”

When they went into the office, Jesse pointed at the two wooden chairs facing his desk. Jesse sat opposite the kid.

“I should apologize,” Jesse said. “When I spoke to you, Megan, and Darby at the cemetery, I could tell you wanted to talk.”

“That’s okay. I understand. You must be really busy.”

“Not too busy to talk.”

Then Jesse waited the kid out. He had wanted to talk, so Jesse was going to let him do it without prompting.

“Is it true that Chris is missing? Do you think something bad’s happened to him?”

“What makes you say that?”

“Is he missing?”

Jesse said, “Uh-huh, but I don’t know what’s happened to him. Do you?”

Suddenly, Rich, who’d come to speak to Jesse, had nothing to say.

“Look, Rich, you’re the one who wanted me—”

“I’m sorry, Chief — Jesse. I really miss Heather. I love Darby and Megan, too, but it was different with Heather and me. We never judged each other. We could be totally honest with each other about stuff.”

The kid had changed directions, but Jesse figured he would circle back around to what he’d come in to say. “Stuff like what?”

The kid squirmed in his seat a little, took a few deep breaths, and stared Jesse right in the eye. “I’m gay. I know that it’s supposed to be easier these days to come out, but I can only know my experiences. I knew I could tell Heather and she would be totally cool about it. Telling her gave me the courage to tell other people.”

“Does your family know?”

“My dad’s accepted it. He doesn’t like it, but he’s okay. My mom... She prays a lot and ignores it. My brothers and sisters couldn’t care less.”

“I couldn’t care less, either, Rich, but is this what you came to me to talk about?”

“Heather and I shared a kind of secret crush on Chris. That was okay. We could tell each other stuff like that. The thing is...” He stopped himself, stood up. “I shouldn’t be here telling you this stuff. I’m sorry.”

“Rich,” Jesse said, “you came in here to tell me something. If you don’t tell me now, I can’t help.”

“Heather slept with Chris to get drugs. She was ashamed of herself for doing it and she was ashamed about caring about what other kids thought. That’s why she never told Chris how she felt about him.”

“Did you tell Chris how you felt?”

Rich smiled, shrugged. “I knew he was straight, but a boy can dream.”

“He sure can.” Jesse smiled, too. “There’s something else, isn’t there, Rich?”

“Heather told me that Chris was her dealer. Everybody kind of knew that, but Heather said that Chris got his stuff from one of the teachers in school.”

“How would she know that?” Jesse asked, his voice more serious. “Did he tell Heather?”

The kid shook his head. “No, but she said she caught Chris and her meeting a few times. Like by the lockers after practice and once in a classroom.”

“Her?”

Rich nodded, his face reddening. “She saw them through the classroom window and... they... weren’t talking.”

“Who was it? Which teacher?”

He shrugged again. “She wouldn’t tell me. I think she was afraid if I knew, I would try to save her by ratting out the teacher.” He bowed his head. “It was the only secret she ever kept from me. I swear, Jesse, that’s all I know. Maybe if I had said something...”

“If and maybe aren’t places you want to go to, Rich,” Jesse said, thinking of the circumstances surrounding Diana’s murder. “You can’t change the past, but you might have just helped stop anyone else from dying.”

“How? I don’t know which teacher.”

“Believe me, it helps.”

Jesse got up from behind his desk and came to stand in front of the kid. Rich stood as well.

“Thank you for coming to speak to me.” He shook the kid’s hand. “It was a brave thing to do. Sometimes the lines get blurry between right and wrong. Not this time. You did the right thing.”

“I hope so.”

When Rich got to the door, Jesse called after him. “My door’s always open to you.”