The Book of Night Women

15

KNOWING WHAT TO EXPECT IF HE HAND LILITH BACK TO THE slave-drivers, Robert Quinn drive the carryall himself. Robert Quinn work them horses like is hell they driving out of, he in the box seat and Lilith in the cart at the back. Lilith have to grab the side of the cart to hold on. Robert Quinn hit one bump after the other and they throw Lilith up so much that her back hurt. He whip the horse for them to ride faster. They burst a turn round a cliff and Lilith gasp when she see the gorge below. Coulibre seem far, very far for a place that Miss Isobel leave every day to come to Montpelier.

They set out from late morning and now the hot sun threatening midday. That be what Lilith thinking when she give herself allowance to think. Most time, her thinking be like her talking, which be nothing at all. Sometime she look at Robert Quinn in the front, him wide back pressing against him shirt and him long hair whipping up in the air like is black flame. Robert Quinn don’t say nothing other than a grunt when he whip the horses. The carryall ride up the hill and Lilith grab the side so she don’t roll out. Lilith look out into the wild bush and try to be Homer, listening if the bush have any secret to tell her. Not a word. The hill go on for five minute or so.

As Lilith was tying her bundle together to leave, Miss Isobel come into Homer room like she float in there. She shock Homer so bad that the woman back stiffen up. A purposeful nigger, that be what Miss Isobel call her.

— You are to pack your belongings, such as they are, and head to Coulibre, where a nigger will learn soon enough how to behave, she say to Lilith, but look at Homer. There’s no overseer to beg for you there. It’s a good thing I’m here to help out Master Wilson, poor man is still too much of the Englander. He knows nothing of the society of negroes, she say.

Then she sit down on Homer bed.

— He’s been far too lax with the lot of you, you know. No Coulibre nigger would have made the terrible mistake you made and live to make another. Are you an Igbo?

Lilith and Homer quiet.

— Speak up, you stupid nigger, are you of the Igbo blood?

— Me did know her mama, mistress, she be Akan descended, Homer say.

— Splendid. I’m not one for niggers who kill themselves. Messy business, very heathen-like. And those Coromantees are far more trouble than they’re worth. Akan, you say? Well, she is to be sent directly to Coulibre, where my mama will teach her some social graces. Despite her horrendous behaviour she may still be of use. I will certainly have use for her in the near future.

Homer and Lilith perplex.

— I shall make a little lady of you. Aren’t you thrilled to hear it, Lilith? she say.

Lilith don’t say nothing. Homer try to nudge her without Miss Isobel looking. Lilith stand still looking at the ground. She don’t say nothing.

— Yes, ma’am. She plenty joyful, ma’am, Homer say.

— Splendid. Just splendid. I have been watching you, Lilith. Watching you very closely.

— Ma’am? Homer say.

— Oh, yes. Of course you would never have noticed, occupied as you were, watching somebody else.

Lilith say nothing. Homer say, Me no know—

— That’s the lot of all niggers: little knowledge, less sense. Some of you even think you can aspire to something greater than your fate. Do you know what aspire means, child?

Lilith say nothing.

— She never did born too righted, ma’am, Homer say.

— Just as well. I trust that there was nothing about her behaviour she understood, nevertheless, she’d do well to remember her place if she knows what’s good for her.

— Mistress, me don’—

— And another thing, Homer, since the fool can’t speak for herself. That… dress she wore with her bosom all tumbling out and embarrassing decent people? Get rid of it. She’s so clear to me she might as well be glass. A woman knows another woman’s heart, eh? Well, Lilith, you failed, and it will be my task to remind you of that failure. And of your place. In quick time you will be my shadow, Lilith. I’ve decided to keep you closer than a brother. Very close, she say.

The hill flatten out and the carriage come to a stop. A breeze cold like rain make Lilith shiver. She look around and see the place for the first time.

Coulibre.

Lilith was thinking that Coulibre was goin’ look like Miss Isobel in some way or the other. Coulibre look down on her through sixteen black window and a wall that not whitewash in a long time. Coulibre not like Montpelier that have a ground floor that cut from stone and two top floor that make from wood. Coulibre is all stone. There be a ground floor all seal up except for the wide staircase that run from the ground, over the ground floor and up to the first floor, where it end in front of two big black door. Four window on the left and four window on the right and all of them dark. The next floor have nothing but window, but they a little lighter. The roof was dark brown to black and point to the sky like church. Robert Quinn waiting on her.

Lilith grab her bundle and jump out of the carriage.

— Be a good negro to yer new masters and misfortune shall not befall ye, Quinn say. Lilith stare at the ground. When she look up he turn away from her quick. Lilith start to head to the door.

— Lass, unless ye want to begin yer stay by meeting the cowhide, I suggest ye use the rear, say Robert Quinn.

Lilith step down the front step. Robert Quinn rub him palms. Nobody look at nobody. Good day, he say and turn round the carriage and leave. Lilith turn to go round the rear of the great house and hear the carryall stop. She know he looking. Lilith walk a wide length from the house and hear nothing. Just right then a negro girl, her hair plait tight and her dress white and torn, burst through a side door and run down the steps. She lose her foot when she near the bottom and trip. The girl pick herself up and still crying. She push past Lilith, who did walk to the steps to help her. Lilith watch her go to the shed nearby and hear noise inside the house. She step inside slow.

— Come now, you stinking child! A fortnight it’s been, high time for a bath. Good lord, smell those dirty arms and feet! Abominable! Just abominable! this white woman say. The little boy she talking to have hair yellow like Miss Isobel. He jumping up and down naked even though he much bigger than baby. Spots all over him face that white people call freckle. He bawling and screaming because the white woman hand grab him ears and twist.

— God’s words! Do you take your mother for a stupid nigger? she say. The boy still be screaming. — Speak when you’re spoken to, answer when you’re called. Do you take your mother for an imbecile? she say.

The boy shake his head.

— Well, relieved am I to hear such a thing. Now, upstairs with you, and have yourself a good proper cleaning before I take the switch to you, she say. She let go him ear and the boy grab it and sniffle.

— I hate you! the boy shout.

— Nor do I find you agreeable myself, but God has yoked us together, so together we shall be. Now, off with you, you little shithouse, before I grab the other ear, she say.

The boy run off and a little old negro woman run after him, clutching her bosom that flap up and down hard under her frock.

— Heavens! So you’re the unseasoned nigger my daughter has foisted upon me? From Montpelier? You’re a full day early! God’s words, what am I supposed to do? the woman say. Lilith don’t know what to say. She remember somebody saying this be Mr. Roget second wife but didn’t remember that she look so much younger than Massa Humphrey mother.

— You, you girl who just stepped inside my house, she say, pointing with her finger. The other negroes in the room look. Lilith look at the negroes dressed so good, only black skin stop them from looking white. Two negro mens by the window putting up a new curtain. One chubby negro woman on the floor trying to hush a baby. One old negro woman over by the big table in the middle of the room taking more curtain out of a chest.

— You, you nigger by the door. Yes, you. Are you deaf as well? Is there no limit to the trials my stepdaughter will put me through? Does she not know how much I suffer? she say.

— Ma’am? Lilith say.

— God’s words! It speaks. At least that’s one thing I shall not have to whip out of you. For, make no mistake, I shall whip you in earnest as soon as your master bids me! Do you know why you are here, girl? she say.

— Yes’m.

— Well, at least you think you do, if you blackies think at all. Quite the problem you were at Montpelier. Nothing but source of trouble and humiliation, not to mention grievous harm to Isobel’s chaperone, Miss Holliflower, the incident which I saw myself. You had every single lash coming to you, and mind you, I shall show the fullest extent of my discipline if I ever sense such defiance again. Uppity nigger indeed. To think you’re estate born, yet still you need to be seasoned. I tell you, I’ve never heard of such a thing. But seasoned you shall be, and sooner rather than later too. Do we understand each other?

— Yes’m.

— Of course not, your negro head has never been to a Christian school. And. . oh, hurry up, Bessy! Hurry up!

The old negro woman put down her bundle of curtains and run out of the room.

— Now you. Work and work hard, harder than everybody else, and I shall be kind to you. Do otherwise and I shall be most unkind and — Oh goddamn, Matraca, will you shush that damn little hellion!

The chubby negro woman on the floor with the baby look up. Her eye wide open and her mouth tremble.

— L-1-lawd, mistress, he, he, he don’t want be hush, mistress, she say.

— For heaven’s sake! the mistress say and go over to the negro woman and the baby. The mistress put the baby on her shoulder, then she slap the negro woman in the face.

— Imbecile, the mistress say.

The negro woman grab her cheek and cry quiet. But she look up two time to see if the mistress was looking at her and scowl when she see only Lilith. The negro mens put the curtain on the window, and the old woman come back with a chest full of more. The mistress walk over to Lilith and shove the crying baby in her hands. Lilith grab the baby quick, lest she drop him and start the day with a whipping. Lilith cradle the baby soft in her arm and the baby cry a little, then stop. As the baby stop the whole room go quiet.

— You may be of some use after all, the mistress say. Now off to the kitchen with you, she say and point to a door behind her.

The kitchen half the size of the one at Montpelier and look like not much cooking be doing in there. All sort of pot and pan hang from the ceiling and the counter make out of the same stone as the rest of the house. The room be hot from the brick oven. Lilith have her bundle in one hand and the baby in the other. — Set down wherever you choose, the mistress don’t care, somebody say. Lilith look round and don’t see nobody. The kitchen door swing open and in she step. She taller than Lilith but thicker, like a young man almost, with wide shoulder but thin waist. Her hair in all wild direction but it direct eyes to her face, the prettiest Lilith ever see on a negro. Lilith didn’t know God portion out them kinda prettiness to negro people. Lilith perplex a little, ’cause the girl lips thick and dark and her nose flat till it disappear between her eye. She didn’t have good hair and her skin too dark. But the girl was the prettiest woman Lilith ever did see. Lilith perplex, ’cause the arrow from ugly to pretty was from black to white. Her bearing not like a Montpelier negro. Plus, she dress in a deep blue frock, complete with petticoat and lace trim. Not even a chaperone dress up like that.

— Set down you things and grab dis here bucket, she say.

— The baby? Lilith say.

— Cain’t see he making much protest, the girl say.

Lilith set the baby on the table and take one of the buckets from the girl. The thing so heavy that she near drop it on her toe.

— Montpelier cain’t even give a nigger some shoes? the girl say. Lilith wondering why she wearing such stoosh clothes just to go fetch water. Lilith grab the bucket and set it on the counter.

— Dem call me Dulcimena, but everybody done call me Dulcey, she say.

— Lilith, Lilith say.

Dulcimena pour milk into a pot and set it to boil. — To kill out the nastiness in it. White people drink it straight from the cow, the nasty bastards, she say. As soon as she set the milk ’pon the stove, she turn to Lilith and ask if she suckle. Lilith don’t know what she mean.

— Me mean if you did breed lately, Dulcimena say.

— No, baba, me never do them things, Lilith say. Dulcimena take one look at Lilith then throw her whole head back laughing. Lilith relieved. This woman look at her too long when she ask a question, long enough that Lilith sweat feel cold.

— Excuse me, please? How you manage dat deh miracle with nasty backra and nasty nigger around? Down dere sew up?

Lilith don’t say nothing.

— Not even de overseer fuck you? Dulcimena grabbing her waist now. — Not even de slave-driver? You means to tell me that plenty mens look ’pon pretty gal laka you and no try to take de pussy? You diseased, gal?

— No!

— Dis no sound right. Eh-eh, dis mighty peculiar. Well, anyway, God know best, or God don’t know a raas.

Dulcimena laugh again. She laugh haughty and loud and the kitchen shake with her. Lilith laugh but it come out soft. Dulcimena look at her so long that she look away first. Lilith wonder why she thinking of a sour white man with yellow hair and cold sweat and sailor speak. Dulcimena did call her pretty. She take the baby off the table and plop a titty out of her dress. She hold up the white baby to her black nipple and the baby grab quick and greedy and suck so loud the whole kitchen feel like it soon get suck in. Lilith have to push her own mouth back shut.

— Jesus Christ! They make you do that?

— Dem people would sooner give him donkey milk if it be more easy. Dem don’t care and he? He nah remember ten, fifteen year from now when he same one whipping de life out o’ me.

— How come you have breast milk? You have a young’un too?

— Did have two. Twin. Massa Roget sell dem last fortnight. Or he kill dem, me no know.

Dulcimena give Lilith a chuckle but it weaker than before and she look away from Lilith quick, dart back and look away again. Then she let out a loud laugh, though the kitchen didn’t shake.

— Nigger life! What you gone do? she say.

Dulcimena boil the milk, then set sweet potato on the stove. Dulcimena go outside to feed the chicken in the coop and tie off three goat. Dulcimena rub down and feed Massa Roget special black horse, throw scrap corn give the hogs, then go upstairs to prepare the bed for Massa Henri Roget, the son who ears did get a proper squeezing not long ago. Then she come back to the kitchen when the sun gone and give Lilith a pan with sweet potatoes and a jar of cow milk. Eat now, Dulcimena say. You going be sleeping over there, she say, pointing to the floor by the kitchen door. Lilith look ’pon the woman like she mad and the woman laugh.

— Excuse me please, you was expecting bed? The mistress like her nigger to sleep where dem work so dem can work early, Dulcimena say.

Is night and the great house quiet. Homer did say Coulibre was an estate but is not an estate at all. No sugar be growing in this place, nor tobacco, nor cotton neither. Massa Northbert Roget work in Kingston as magistrate for the crown. He make him money from that and from what Dulcimena say is one thousand a year that he get from him papa who dead long ago and eight hundred a year that he get when he married him second wife near ten year now. Isobel was little girl when the new mistress come, a year after the old mistress dead and Dulcimena never say how she know so much ’bout massa affairs, except that the man take to talking too much any time she suck him proper.

There be seven slave at Coulibre. Sacco and Thunder, who work the grounds; Habakkuk, who clean and drive the barouche. Bessy, the old nigger woman with a hump in her back, do little things, but mostly nothing. Matraca, who take care of the young massa and him baby brother. Francine, who wait on the mistress. Then there is Dulcimena, who do everything else, including all the kitchen work, cooking and whatever the other niggers forget to do.

Lilith on the floor by the mistress’ stairs. She ’fraid, but not of the dark woman who come to her in the night. Lilith ’fraid ’cause she don’t know what to be ’fraid of. Homer did warn her that Mistress Roget very French in her ways, but Lilith don’t know what that mean and Homer didn’t have time to make it clear. Night moving on and Lilith listening to nothing. She hear one and two sound from upstairs, a woman fussing. The mistress not sleeping. Some time later she hear a man voice. Must be the massa, Lilith think. They talking loud like it be everybody business.

— Dulcimena? Dulcimena? Where is that nincompoop!

Dulcimena get up quick.

— Yes, mistress! I’s be in de kitchen, mistress, she say. Lilith watch her rub her shoulders something terrible.

— Have you staked the cows? You know Mr. Roget prefers when you do it and not those stupid boys, the mistress ask.

— I–I, I’s goin’ get to it, mistress, Dulcimena say.

— You going get to it? say a man voice so loud that it just come down on the kitchen like thunder.

— Dulcimena, come to me at once!

— But I going do—

— Now! the man say.

Dulcimena stop dead. Lilith watch her as she step slow. Too slow. Massa Roget come down the steps and step over Lilith in him nightshirt. He short and fat round the waist, him hair long and white and curl down him shoulder and him face fat so till the chin bounce when he step. In him hand he carry a horsewhip. Dulcimena try to run, but nowhere to run in the kitchen. He back her up in a corner.

— Suggestions now I’m giving instead of orders, is it? Master over me now, are you? he say.

— No, massa, me was just going to do it, massa. Lawd God, massa, please, massa, ple — she say, but he cut her short with a lash clear ’cross her shoulder. Dulcimena scream. He tear into her and she flip right and left, but he slashing her whichever way she turn. He lash her back, her shoulder, her neck and two time he whip her in the face. Dulcimena fall to the floor between the counter and the kitchen table and Lilith can’t see her no more, but she see Massa Roget over her, whipping and whipping and she screaming and screaming, Me dead, massa, me dead, you done kill poor Dulcey.

Massa Roget whip her until him hand give out and he couldn’t whip no more. Dulcimena crying. The massa red like choking pig. He step past Lilith and go back upstairs. Lilith so frighten she couldn’t move. She stay on the ground, her eye wide open, until Dulcimena pick herself up and go through the door to stake the cows. A good while later Dulcimena come back in and she still sniffle. Lilith watch her as she take a brown bottle out of a cupboard, pour something onto her hand and wipe her face, chest and as far on her back as she could reach. She lay out her mat on the floor of the kitchen and go to bed. It was February and the shortest month suddenly felt like it goin’ go on forever. Lilith didn’t fall asleep till near morning.

16

LILITH SEARCHING HER MIND BACK AND FORTH TO FIND A word stronger than perplex. Flabbergast? She roll that word on her tongue quick, but spit it out when she remember that is Robert Quinn she hear it from first. Robert Quinn, who say he lose the taste for whipping negro womens, then turn round only to make slave-driver manhandle her, then whip her every week. Flabbergast can go to hell and take him along, she think. Perplex, she settle on. Perplex. Lilith perplex cause Dulcimena just wake her up.

— Wakey, wakey, cooking and bakey, she say as she nudge Lilith.

As Lilith roll over and rub her eye, Dulcimena hopping, skipping and jumping round the kitchen and singing and dancing as if she doing the quadrille. She hop, all dainty-like, from one window to the other to let fresh light and new air in the kitchen. She sing a song that sound like what Robert Quinn sing unawares. She spin two time and stop, and only then Lilith see the dark blotch under her left eye and the mark on her left arm. For a moment Lilith did think last night was a dream.

— Miss Dulcimena, you feeling poorly?

— Me lookin’ poorly to you?

— No, but…

— Call me Dulcey. Me halfway out the door by de time you get to mena.

Lilith think it best to not say nothing. Dulcimena go over to the water bucket on the counter, dip her two hand in and wash her face. She lift up her dress to wipe her face but jerk when she touch her eye. She dab slow around it and smile when she see Lilith. Lilith watching Dulcimena face. And her little belly and thick legs that shiny with morning sweat and her pussy hair that plenty bush up. Dulcimena smile wide but wince, so she smile narrow.

— Come, pickney, massa and mistress soon wakes up and if breakfast tardy, you goin’ get what de duck get.

Dulcimena and Lilith in the barn, not far from the house. She set Lilith ’pon a stool beside the cow. Dulcimena push a bucket underneath the udders, then stand back and look at Lilith. Lilith watching the sky go from pink to orange and the flowers as they wake up and the land that, unlike Montpelier, lead to a fence. Anything but the cow.

— Lawd, pickney, de cow cain’t milk sheself.

Lilith don’t know what to do. She try to remember if she ever seen anybody at Montpelier milk a cow. She hiss. Is not as if cow keep in the cellar. Lilith grab an udder hard and the cow jerk. Lilith so frighten she push herself back and tumble over the stool and land flat on her back. Dulcimena have to clutch herself from laughing so hard. Lilith hiss.

— Make haste, pickney, de massa soon wakes up, and we still have egg to collect.

— Me no know how to do them things! Lilith say.

— Excuse me please? How come you is nigger and you don’t have nigger skill? Look here, pickney.

— Me don’t name pickney, me name Lilith.

— Eh-eh, excuse me please, whatever you name. Dulcimena don’t say nothing else. Lilith set herself back on the stool and grab a cow udder. She squeeze again and milk, right in her left eye.

— Cho bombocloth!

— Pardon your French! Dulcimena clutching herself again with laughing. — Pickney, if you keep dis up me soon start hiccup. Come now, she say and sit down beside Lilith. — Like so, she say. Dulcimena take an udder in her hand and glide her finger down as she squeeze. Milk spurt in the bucket.

— Slow, slooooow, but firm like when you pullin’ the massa ding-dong.

— W-what?

— Excuse me please. Me forget say is in church dem grow you, Lady Virgin. What a ting, eh? Massa Roget goin’ puppalick when he hear say nobody ride through you bush. No bother look ’pon me like you don’t know nothing. Somebody must was taking Massa Montpelier lobster if is not you.

— That is not my affair.

— Uh-huh. Me think is you. Dat’s why dem send you to Coulibre, don’t it? Tings was getting out a hand. So tell me now, Massa Montpelier, him buddy big like banana or small like bean?

Lilith jaw drop again and Dulcimena almost fall over the stool with laughing.

— Why you so hoity-toity? Montpelier must be some different place to rahtid.

Lilith look at Dulcimena. Dulcimena think Lilith shock over what Dulcimena say, but she shock over how she saying it. Dulcimena full with so much mirth and laughing that Lilith begin to wonder again if she did dream what happen the night before.

— Grab a cow cocky! Dulcimena say and she start to sing, I want to go-oh, I want to go-oh-ohhhhh. Lilith can’t help herself. She grab an udder. Soon after that she singing I want to go-oh too. Dulcimena did say she pretty.

Massa Roget come downstairs before everybody and Dulcimena have him breakfast ready. The man dressed in black coat, black waistcoat, black breeches, white wig, white socks and little shiny black shoes that look like they be for womens. Massa Roget bald and he have him white hair in him hand. Lilith have a start, but only a little. Old white man have more wig than woman. Dulcimena pass him on the right to spoon out eggs on him plate and he slap her hard on the arse. Dulcimena jump and shriek a little, but giggle real quick.

— You is mischievous boy, massa. Mischievous, mischievous. Dulcimena smile wide and motion Lilith to bring the teapot. Lilith set the teapot down on the table but don’t look at Massa Roget.

— And who have we here? he say.

Lilith don’t say nothing.

— Dem call her Lilith, massa. She send over from Montpelier Estate.

— Ah, yes. . Word has come ahead of you, my child — none of it good, I might add.

Lilith don’t say nothing. The two womens stand while Massa Roget eat. The whole time he using him right hand to shove food down him mouth, he using the left to lift up Dulcimena dress and stroke her arse. Dulcimena looking at her finger like she about to bite her nails. Lilith inch back to the stone counter behind her. Even with the sunrise coming through the kitchen, the counter still cold. Soon Massa Roget finish him breakfast and after he done search Dulcimena arse Lilith see the front of her dress shifting up and down. Dulcimena mouth sound like she enjoying the feel-up but her face already out the window. Massa Roget gulp down a cup of coffee, then set out. He ask Habakkuk the carriage driver to bring round the barouche, saying he is still lord of this house and his daughter is just going to have to make do without it today. Then he set he wig lean and Dulcimena stop him and straighten it. After he leave, Dulcimena set bread, eggs, coffee, white yam, strips of goose, strawberries, banana and pear on a tray and hand to Lilith.

— The mistress take her breakfast in bed, Dulcimena say and point upward.

Lilith upstairs. The banister is wood, but the steps is out of stone. The walls is out of stone too. Lilith never see an entire house that look and feel like her cellar back at Montpelier. She let the noise of Mistress Roget lead her to the room door.

— Enter!

As Lilith open the door, all stillness come to an end. Francine at the closet holding a petticoat like a baby. Lilith never pay her much mind since that first time when she run past her crying just as she was coming to Coulibre. Francine skinny like a stick, with hair pull back into a bun, like black woman hair forcing to be white. She wearing a brown dress that touch the floor. Lilith remember her bawling but can’t remember her voice. Dulcimena say that Francine be there to wait on the mistress, but Lilith don’t know what that mean, for it seem too easy work for them to give a negro. Mistress Roget sitting up in the bed like an invalid but she not sick at all. She in a light blue gown with her hair tie up. Though is early, still her lip red and the beauty mark move from the left cheek yesterday to her chin today. The sun coming through the glass window that look much bigger inside than outside. At the center of the room be the bed, with a dark wood desk to the right wall and another to the left. Right in front of the bed is four armchair, with purple cushions, all put to face each other like a cross. A rug with white baby angels cover the whole floor. On the right wall be a painting of a woman who look exactly like Miss Isobel but the clothes she have on not the latest fashion. The yellow-hair boy from before running all over the room shouting.

— I’m a kite, Mama! A kite I am, he say.

— And do kites try their parents’ nerves, Henri?

— Wooooooosh! Wooooooosh!

— Henri, Henri. Down for breakfast you go now. And try, my dearest, not to wake your brother. Follow. . what do they call you?

— Lilith, mistress.

— Yes, follow Lilith. Off with you.

Lilith place the tray on the bed and leave the mistress.

— We shall have to get you a new dress. Mister Roget would have a conniption should he see you in those rags. Has he seen you yet?

— Yes, ma’am.

— Really? Hmmm. Nevertheless, let Dulcimena lend you one of hers. Coulibre boasts the best-dressed niggers in Jamaica. As for myself, I’d sooner die than see a nigger unclothed. Does that fill you with pride, young girl?

— Mistress?

— Does that make you proud? Oh, how I hate repeating myself. Gives one the fear that one is not being listened to.

— No, mistress.

— Good. Now leave me. One more thing. I’ll leave the baby in your charge, so please take him away from that guttersnipe Matraca, I can hear him crying already. God’s words! I’ve slapped her so many times about her confounded stench!

Lilith walking down the corridor to the pickney room. It strike her how this house so hard with all the stone, but every room noisy and light cover all the walls. Montpelier is wood mostly, but no noise come from that house except for the early days when Robert Quinn take him female company home. Sometimes Lilith wonder if she hate Robert Quinn because at least Massa Humphrey never promise her nothing. But Robert Quinn didn’t promise her nothing either, not really, and whatever white man say, they contrary enough to take back anyway. Maybe this be one of the things Homer was teaching her that she didn’t listen to. Lilith wonder what they plan to teach her at Coulibre.

Dulcimena have lunch ready with Lilith help. Lilith hold the baby most of the day and hand him to Dulcimena when he need feeding.

— Francine can talk? Lilith say.

— Who? Dat lil’ bitch? She sing when she ready. Matraca hate her because she get the mistress’ old clothes first, then Matraca second.

— She ever come downstairs?

— She? Dat girl be the only nigger who get send off the premises, ’pon errands for di mistress. Ride the mistress’ little carriage herself. She even go to Montpelier one, two time, you never see her?

— No.

— Well, the only time that nigger leave the mistress is when massa feel fi fuck him wife for a spell. Eh-eh, di baby do a stinkee, Dulcimena say and hand the baby back to Lilith. Lilith wrinkle her nose.

— Then what you expect me to do with it?

— Dat a your business, pickney. But you might want to go back to him room and grab two cloth. And the basin upstairs should have water. Or just give him back to Matraca. She love baby shit.

The baby grin at Lilith like he don’t care. Lilith try real hard not to grin back.

The mistress still in bed, but Dulcimena say that is nothing out of keeping with how the mistress usually behave. Unless guests come calling or she go on visit or go to town to visit the good stores.

— Miss Isobel don’t take luncheon here? Lilith ask.

— Excuse me please? Most time she don’t even take breakfast. But you should know dat better dan me.

— What you mean, Dulcey?

— What me mean? Come now, pickney. No Montpelier she head off to as soon as cock crow? Or town or Morant Bay or God-he-knows? White woman do as she please in de colony.

Miss Isobel take supper in her room and ask for Lilith to serve it to her. Neither woman say nothing. As she getting ready for bed, Miss Isobel do her toilette, then sit at the mirror for Lilith to brush her hair.

— Eh-eh! A new dress this? Miss Isobel say. Lilith thinking she don’t hear correct.

— I mean, is this from Maman? The dress, girl.

— No, mistress, Dulcimena loan me.

— Really? Can’t imagine Maman having that at all. She will get you a new dress before the week is out. Coulibre niggers are the best dressed in Jamaica.

Lilith commence to brush Miss Isobel hair. She look up and see Miss Isobel staring at her hard in the mirror.

— Do you know what I admire in you niggerwomen?

Lilith don’t say nothing.

— I do believe I’m speaking to you, Lilith.

— Yes, ma’am.

— Then speak when you’re bloody spoken to.

— Yes, ma’am.

— I said, there is one thing I admire in you niggerwomen.

— Yes, ma’am.

— That good, trusty nigger resilience. I dare say you blackies could survive Armageddon with no loss of life or limb. God must be wise in giving every living thing just what it needs. I mean, look at you. Why are you here? You tried to use the mind, the brain, but you silly girl, those things are lost to the negro. What you have is a back that won’t break, a skin that won’t crack, legs like an ox and teeth like a horse. How fortunate you are that we found each other, Lilith!

— Yes, ma’am.

— All you Montpelier niggers, gallivanting like goats. This is Humphrey’s influence, of course. Actually not him, but that beast from which he takes counsel. What think you of that man, that Robert Quinn?

— Ma’am?

— Robert Quinn. What do you think of him?

— Me don’t have no thinking towards him, ma’am.

— Well, personally I must say I find him loathsome, absolutely loathsome. What should one expect from the Irish but the very worst? And quite the nigger lover, is he not? Lilith, I’m sure you’re well-versed in the black arts, what magic does that stump of a man have over Humphrey?

— Ma’am?

— I swear, you are tiresome. Look at those bull shoulders and thick hands of his, trying to squeeze himself into a gentleman’s wardrobe. And that silly navy coat of his, he probably bought in some fish market at Port Royal. Athena tells me that the brute doesn’t even wear an undergarment! Can you believe that? Mr. Quinn and his Irishman lobbing to and fro in his detestable breeches.

Lilith think to say that neither do Massa Humphrey, for the most part, but keep silent.

— Yes, ma’am, she say.

— Me no kno — I, I don’t know what’s to come of that estate without some sense brought to it. It’s little more than a stable now. The only ray of hope is Homer. Of course, she’s clearly practicing Obeah.

— Yes, ma’am.

— I’m quite the Creole myself. I know some of the darker aspects of colonial life.

— Yes, ma’am.

— Yes, Montpelier needs quite a bit of work, it does. But soon things shall flow as smoothly as Coulibre. But first we have to deal with his ghastly maman. I swear, she swooped down to luncheon only this afternoon reeking of wee and asking for Lady Nugent! The governor’s wife! Of course, I feel so terrible for Humphrey. I told him, you know, of places in Spanish Town, for a woman in her state, but, he will not part with his maman and I shall take that as a good sign. Is that wise, Lilith? Am I being prudent?

— Yes, ma’am.

— Yes, ma’am. You is a damn fool. And yet there is something in you, isn’t there? Must be those ghastly eyes of yours, I swear, it is as if I’m being watched by an owl. Any more brushing and you shall pull my hair out. Leave me now.

— Yes, ma’am.

Lilith hear Miss Isobel brother in the room as she pass. He not sleeping, even though Matraca begging him to. At every five pace or so, there be a lamp burnin’ on the wall and a large circle of orange, and yet the passageway and the stairs still dark. Lilith at the bottom of the stairs looking up at stone. She walk to the kitchen. She come through the door and see Dulcimena hoist up on the counter, with her legs spread gone to two county and her dress pull up over her titties. Between her be Massa Roget, who white wig fall off as Dulcimena rubbing him head. The massa breeches down to him ankle and him arse peeking out of him coattails. Lilith hearing sweaty white flesh slapping sweaty black flesh and grunting and moaning. Soon she notice Dulcimena looking at her. Her mouth all hissing and moaning and cooing and catching breath, but her eyes near gone to sleep. Then Massa Roget push her away from him and lose control of himself. Dulcimena looking at Lilith. Lilith think she smile but not sure. Massa Roget jerking slowing down. He pull up back him breeches and grab Dulcimena by the neck. She say nothing. He let go and leave Dulcimena, walking right past Lilith but not looking at her. Dulcimena, her two leg still spread wide, use her dress to wipe Massa Roget off. She hop off the counter and set herself down on her mat and go to sleep.

One day Sacco, a young nigger who take to leaving flowers in the kitchen whenever he see Lilith, carry a bunch of pink hibiscus to the mistress’ room. He leave one on the counter beside Lilith and she hide her smile. Sacco pick a whole branch and carry up to the mistress’ room. The mistress don’t take too kindly to some flower and sneeze and cough something dreadful. She wheeze and sneeze and run down to the living room yelling and screaming that Sacco trying to kill her. The other two negro run Sacco down, tear off all him clothes, tie him up and leave him hanging round by the stable in the hot sun, so that Massa Roget would see him first when he come back. But that not be enough for Mistress Roget. The mens go in the kitchen and take Dulcimena honey jar. Dulcimena sit down and bury her face in her hand. Lilith go to see what going happen but Dulcimena grab her hand and shake her head no. Lilith pull her hand free and go outside while Dulcimena go back to head burying. Lilith hear Sacco screaming. She run to the stable to see honey on Sacco nakedness from head to foot. Sacco bawling and screaming so much that other nigger get a cloth and gag him. Afternoon sun still hot. Lilith almost vomit. She run back inside. The other niggermens go back to what they was doing. Soon Sacco muffle scream get as loud as a real scream. After nearly a hour of cutting up carrots and potato and being interrupt every time he yell into the gag, she go outside again, not listening to Dulcimena shout, No, Lilith!

At the stable Lilith stop and couldn’t move for a spell. There be Sacco, writhing and shaking and yelling into the gag, him feet, back, chest and cocky all cover in black ants. They traveling all over him body and biting every inch. Lilith think to run first, but stop. Lilith run to the horse trough and dip the bucket nearby in water and wash him from head to toe with it. She run to the trough for another bucket full and wash him again, rubbing him skin and feeling the welt rising from ants biting. She cuss her mind for noticing too much that she touching a naked man and rubbing some places that another Lilith wouldn’t touch. Some of the ants break off him and bite her. She slap them off and look at Sacco. Lilith hear of this before. Honey on the skin, ants in the day, mosquito in the night. When he finally wash full the other niggermens come back. They look at Lilith with the same wide-eye fear that they do the massa. The two mens run away. Lilith furious.

— Little pussy like me still have bigger cock than the two of them, she say. She pull the gag out of Sacco mouth.

— What you gonna do, Miss Lilith? You and me, we’s dead now, he say.

The whole night Lilith in the kitchen but elsewhere. Dem cum was all over you, a voice say to her and Lilith jump. She turn around but there be nobody but her. Lilith take a candle out of the cupboard and light it with a stick of wood in the fire. As she set the candle down on the table, she look around at the orange walls and the black shadows jumping. A shadow move away from the others and go into a dark corner. Lilith have a start but catch her mouth. The woman again. The woman who belong to darkness. Lilith go to run but feel the weakness that been taking over her of late. She try to think of something Homer would say, or the womens by the river. The woman don’t move. Lilith move backways into the table and grab a knife.

— What you doing? Dulcimena say as she enter the kitchen.

— Nothing, me not doing nothing.

— Maybe not to me, but dat knife out for somebody.

— No.

— Suit yourself. Next thing you start chat like dem mad nigger.

It take two day for Lilith to see that Sacco gone, and one whole week to see that he not coming back.

17

LILITH LIVING AT COULIBRE FOR THREE FORTNIGHT NOW. When she not working in the kitchen, washing, baking, and feeding the little animals, she waiting on Miss Isobel when she come home every night.

— We are to be married, your master and I, she say one evening when Lilith by the dresser brushing Miss Isobel hair. Miss Isobel look at Lilith through the looking glass when she say it. Lilith say, Yes, ma’am, and that be all. Miss Isobel screw her face.

— Did you hear me? Your master has asked for my hand in marriage, she say.

— Yes, ma’am.

— Well, are you pleased?

— Pleased, ma’am?

— Yes. Are you happy?

— Me sure everything is the lord will, ma’am.

— I’m sure. Don’t pull me goddamn hair so tight, cain’t you do nothing right?

— Sorry, ma’am.

— Good heaven, just listen to me. I should be the one apologising. Goddamn indeed, where is my tongue this evening? I’m too much in the company of negroes, yes I am. Way too much. You have all but ruined me with your nigger ways. But anyway I’m very pleased, Lilith. I’ve heard reports that you’ve become quite the well-behaved little nigger. Maman is putting in a good word and she’s so difficult to please. And my, how you have taken over Dulcimena’s tasks. So easy as well, that it’s as if that poor negro was still here, Miss Isobel say.

Lilith think hard ’bout this. One fortnight ago, Massa and Mistress Roget kill Dulcimena. It start when Lilith hear commotion up in the massa and mistress bedroom. How dare you come in here stinking of that damn nigger’s sweat, the mistress say. Lilith look over to see if Dulcimena hear it too but she just roll over. One door open and slam and then another door open and slam and that was it for that night. But then morning come and it look like Dulcimena forget to lock the goat pen from the night before. The goats let loose in Mistress Roget garden and eat nearly every flower in sight. When the mistress wake up and look outside her window, she scream like somebody killing her. She run outside in nightclothes to the garden and still screaming. She try to shoo the goats from the flowers but they just run from one plant to the next.

— Dulcimena! the mistress bawl out.

— Dulcimena!

Dulcimena run out from the kitchen to see two niggermens shooing the goats back to the pen. The mistress yell to the two mens to grab Dulcimena and forget the goats. They rip off her dress right there and Dulcimena start to bawl. They drag her off to the nearest tree and tie her up by the hand and pull her up till she swinging. Dulcimena begging for the massa to save her but Massa Roget ride right past her to go to Kingston.

The mistress wield the cart whip herself. Lilith always hear she do such a thing but never see for herself before. She flog Dulcimena as hard as she could flog, swinging the whip wide and lashing Dulcimena back till the skin tear into flesh and the flesh tear into blood. The mistress get tired and rest for a few. Nobody beg for Dulcimena. Every time the mistress get tired, she sit down for a spell and have the new grounds nigger whip her till she ready to flog her again. Dulcimena get one hundred sixty-six lash that day and the mistress say she would have derby-dose her too if any of the negroes was setting to pass shit. When they cut Dulcimena down, she fall hard on the ground and never move. Dulcimena scream right through the night and Lilith didn’t have nothing but water to wipe her. Lilith have to gag her when the massa shout out that he was coming down there with a musket if she don’t shut up.

Dulcimena never get up from the floor again, even after the massa walk in and kick her two time in the side and one time in the pussy and call her a lazy, lying cow. Lilith try to help her, but Dulcimena didn’t want to help herself no more. In days she swell and swell with so much pus and water that she just burst and dead. As soon as Dulcey dead, all her duty fall on Lilith.

That be when Lilith starting to see that while she frighten, fear would rush out like sea tide and something else would roll in. Something that make her cook with the devil in her heart. Lilith did still have spiritedness ’bout her, but this time she keep quiet and make the spirit work secret-like. Lilith start to imagine what white flesh look like after a whipping. What white neck look like after a hanging and what kinda scar leave on a white body after black punishment. She think of the little Roget boy, Master Henri, of tying and hanging the boy up by him little balls and chopping him head off. She make the thoughts of white blood work into a fever. She have to snap herself out of it before she cut her own fingers with the kitchen knife. She think of these Coulibre niggers who loyal to the massa and work against each other even though he killing them off one by one, and she think of Massa Humphrey and of blood and what sound a white body make when he fall from fifty feet.

Lilith don’t know what to do with her head. She think to cut it off so that her mind would stop haunt her. Dulcimena, no matter what wrong with her, could still laugh like God did wish a niggerwoman joy. Seem that when Dulcimena dead, the noise in the house dead with her and the corridors feel colder. Lilith cook the meals fast, so she have plenty time to think about how she no got nobody. One day, she so sick with herself that she go from room to room downstairs looking for something to make her mind flee from herself, even if that mean more work. She open a door that never open before and smell something that leave her memory a long time ago. She close her eye and breathe in long and deep. She breathe out long and slow and breathe in deep again. That scent, like tobacco, or an old batch of spice.

Books.

Wall and wall and wall and wall of nothing but book.

Massa Roget library.

Nigger got no reason to mess with books, not even to clean them. She pull a blue book out, open it and then clap the thing shut. There be something in the sound that make her giggle. She pull another one out and blow the dust off the top and feel she just clear away a secret mystery. Books. She grab one book because it red like a cherry and another because it red like blood. Lilith run her fingers along a shelf of brown book that feel like the skin of a shoe. Leather. She pull out one and carve in the front is a ship, while at the back is a half woman, half fish. Lilith never see the like of which before. In the book was handwriting but the writing too tight for her to make out any word. And Lilith did more spelling than reading so making out words was still not easy. Some words she know without thinking, others she had to call out the letter until the shape fit into her mouth and she know it. At the end of the same shelf of leather books she pull out the last one. Behind that book was another. Lilith go the door and look east and west. The mistress was asleep and Matraca would never leave that room upstairs. The massa was a good four hours away. Lilith go back to the shelf and pull out four to see which books hiding behind them. One say Fanny Hill, one say Moll Flanders and one say something that look like it write by the devil. The next one spit out dust and make her cough. She put them back and her finger brush another book, with a rough skin like linen or osnaburg. She look outside at the sunset and pull the book and gasp when she open it.

Joseph Andrews.

Massa Humphrey come to supper at Coulibre after dusk. Lilith watch him as he seat Miss Isobel first, then sit down beside her. Francine seat Mistress Roget, then stand behind her. The supper table not longer than Montpelier’s but it dress more fabulous, with lace mats and shiny silver candle holder in the middle and blue and white plates that Dulcimena used to say worth more than a brand-new nigger. Miss Isobel and Massa Humphrey to one side. Massa Roget at the head and Mistress Roget at the foot. Before they even commence to eating, Miss Isobel tell her father how Montpelier niggers be getting away with so much murder that nobody goin’ surprise when they commit the act.

— A nigger not be like, I mean is not like, a man, Humphrey. Papa says that in his ways he is more like a cockatoo. Was that not what you said, Papa, was that not what you said exactly? They can imitate us, but above that they are still beasts that’d even kill their own? Miss Isobel say over roast goose and stuffed fowl.

— My daughter speaks my exact words, young sir. They are beasts that kill their own. I had a kitchen slave who killed her own twins, several months ago. Gave the poor bastards a Christian burial myself. Killers, the lot of them.

— Then in that regard they are more like us than we care to imagine, Massa Humphrey say.

— God’s words! Why must blood be brought up at the table! My husband and daughter are so insufferable, the mistress say, but nobody listening to her.

— Oh, no, young sir, they are nothing like us, they have no interest in the finer arts, knowledge, literature and science, nothing that man has put in place for his own advancement. No, sir, Massa Roget say.

— Neither do we, for the most part. In the colonies for certain, I must say. Present company excluded, of course.

— Good sir, you flatter me. I’ve certainly had my share of intelligence, but we were speaking of these unfortunate negroes.

— Some of his slaves choose when to have their own meals, Papa, Miss Isobel say.

— What? Good sir, surely my daughter speaks false.

— I think a negro is quite capable of knowing when he is hungry, sir. And truthfully, I don’t much care. Production is up and Montpelier continues to be the envy of many.

— That may be so, Master Wilson, but how do you know you’re not on the brink of rebellion? No, milord, take some stern words from a man who’s endured a lot more than you. You weren’t here for seventeen sixty. Oh, that was a year. Sixty good souls murdered all because these bushmen wanted to set up their African state! Confound it!

— Tacky?

— So you have heard of Tacky and his little revolt?

— I’ve heard of him and of seventeen sixty.

— A dark year for this island. Your father was involved, sir, surely he must have told you. I fought by his side myself!

— My father was never one to have me in his confidence.

— I see. Well, as we are in the company of such fine, gentle ladies I shall not bring up that bloody, tragic event.

— Please refrain from such, Mr. Roget, for you shall aggravate my poor nerves, Mistress Roget say.

— I daresay there is nothing poor about your nerves, Mrs. Roget, certainly not to this purse, Massa Roget say to him wife, then turn back to Massa Humphrey.

— No, sir, slaves cannot be trusted to do anything themselves.

— Not even eat, sir?

— What are we doing right now, Humphrey? Speak up, boy.

— I will not be called a boy, sir.

— My apologies, good sir, I am remiss, Massa Roget say, looking at Miss Isobel.

— Well, unless my vision serves me wrongly, I’d say we were eating.

— Eating and what else?

— Really, sir, I wish you’d get to the—

— Eating and talking, sir, we’re talking. We are in discourse. And who’s to say your negroes aren’t doing the same? A chance to talk in numbers is a chance to gossip, conspire and plot. Most estates have one gentleman or lady to thirty to thirty-three niggers, Humphrey. Thirty-three sullen, lazy, rebellious negroes, many unseasoned. Have you been to the dark continent, sir?

— Oh, no, Venice was as dark as my travels got me, I’m afraid.

— Well, curse me, I’ve been. So savage a disposition is the blackie that many cook and eat their enemies! The heart they find a particularly tasty dish.

— Mr. Roget! Mistress Roget say.

— Mrs. Roget. The truth shall never be an unwelcome guest at my table. Not at all. As I was saying, they, meaning the negro, have a ferocity in manner that must be tamed. At all times they must fear you, Master Humphrey, they simply must. Because they are capable of thought, some anyway, and once you have them thinking beyond fear of the cowhide, they will see strength in numbers.

— My negroes are quite docile.

— Your negroes are plotting. You must tame these beasts, young sir, you must never, ever let a slave forget that you are master. At least those Maroons have begun to behave themselves accordingly — well, as accordingly as wild rutting beasts can possibly be. Raided us all the time, they used to, and who can blame them? Why raise chickens when you can steal them, after all? Even they were of little use in seventeen sixty.

— Seventeen sixty, you say? Pardon me, I’ve just realised. My father had never even seen Jamaica before the seventeen seventies.

— Really? I could have sworn. . nevertheless, I shall not ever forget that year, sir, even though I was quite young myself when it happened. I shall take it to my grave. That Tacky was a demon. That — that. .

Massa Roget didn’t finish the sentence. He start cough little, then hard, then he start trembling and grabbing him left shoulder with him right hand. He fall back in the chair and him face red like beet. Massa Roget eyes gone.

— Good lord! Massa Humphrey say and jump up. The mistress and Miss Isobel rush to him too.

— Dearest Papa, what’s the matter? Miss Isobel say.

— Water! Water! Get him water! Mistress Roget say. Massa Roget coughing and him eye getting redder. He squeeze him left arm with the right and he shaking all over. Everything he say come out as a cough or a wheeze. — He wants water! Mistress Roget say. Him face get redder. He cough up something dreadful. Miss Isobel grab her father, and almost push the mistress out of the way. Everything quiet save for the wheezing sucking in and out of him chest. Francine pour water from a pitcher to a glass and give it to Miss Isobel. Miss Isobel hold the glass to her father mouth and he gulp down the water and cough. Plenty time pass before he stop breathing queer-like.

— For heaven’s sake, sir, do you need a physician? Massa Humphrey say.

— I already know the great physician, Massa Roget say and try to laugh but the laugh turn into a cough. — Probably just the wind leaving me for a second, not for the first time either. Fret — fret not, young sir, this too shall pass.

Massa Humphrey look at him for a long time. Lilith was by the door watching Massa Roget. She didn’t look at Massa Humphrey.

Mistress Roget, who was red herself from not getting to talk, finally say that while Lilith has come a long way, she still have a disturbing spiritedness that must be tamed. So the Roget family get new permission to whip Lilith. Lilith get whip and hit so much that she could tell just from the sound what a nigger was getting beaten with. Lilith know the sound of cowskin on young flesh and how different it be when it lash old flesh. Lilith know the difference between the smart of the rope, cowskin, cart whip, bullwhip, slap with wedding-ring finger, punch, box, and hot tea throw on her dress. Most of the whipping, pinching, hiding, scraping, cutting, thumping and punching Mistress Roget do herself. Even though otherwise she never come out of bed, sake of the hard birthing she do for the young’un, or so she claim to anybody who would hear, even negro.

Lilith take her beating in silence. But fire going off in her head. Blood spraying and flesh tearing. Lilith can’t sleep, not ’cause the cuts from the whip burnin’ her, but because darkness burnin’ in her own heart. Ashanti blood racing through her and she can’t stop thinking about white people shedding theirs. Even the two young children. Lilith count how much lash she get each time and by who and she remember it. She think of Mistress Roget getting tie to a tree and getting whip till she raw. She think of dashing salt in her gashes until the mistress smell like corned pork. She think of a cornstalk thick like black man cock ramming up Massa Roget arse so hard that he piss blood in him own bath. Lilith having dark thoughts and think the devil taking control of her. And there be no Homer to know without Lilith telling and help without Lilith asking. There be only Joseph Andrews. There be only one man, one soul, that can make her laugh and he be neither black nor real:

He was of the highest degree of middle stature. His Limbs were put together with great Elegance, and no less Strength. His Legs and Thighs were formed in the exactest Proportion. His Shoulders were broad and brawny, but yet his Arms hung so easily, that he had all the Symptoms of Strength without the least clumsiness. His Hair was of a nut-brown Colour, and was displayed in wanton Ringlets down his Back. His Forehead was high, his Eyes dark, and as full of Sweetness as of Fire. His Nose a little inclined to the Roman. His Teeth white and even. His Lips full, red, and soft. His Beard was only rough on his Chin and upper Lip; but his Cheeks, in which his Blood glowed…Add to this the most perfect Neatness in his Dress, and an Air, which to those who have not seen many Noblemen, would give an idea of Nobility.

There was a time when she would reckon a certain white man in this certain way and not think it uncanny. She think of perfect legs, sturdy and strong like a wonderful horse, legs that only behaving as they should inside breeches that can’t deny what pack tight and loose where the two legs meet.

She need him every night. After working through a page, she would wipe away tears from laughing quiet-like and feel her face. The soft skin would surprise her. Something about her new days make her expecting that one day and one day soon her face would feel hard as rock. Hard from dark thoughts. She take the book out at night when everybody gone to sleep and try to read with piece of a candle. In time, reading wasn’t even too difficult and she come to understand Joseph Andrews in a way that perplex her about other white man. Joseph Andrews never do a cruel thing, but he also didn’t know negro flesh. But sometimes she wonder if this Joseph, being as him be, was a real man after all. For he take after no kind of man she ever meet. Not even Robert Quinn, and it anger her to think of the Irishman and him damn wanton ringlets down his back and him ye’s and fer’s and lasses and feckin’.

She read this over and over and the more she read, the more it perplex her.

Ever since Joseph’s arrival, Betty had conceived an extraordinary Liking to him, which discovered itself more and more, as he grew better and better, till that fatal Evening, when, as she was warming his Bed, her Passion grew to such a Height, and so perfectly mastered both her Modesty and her Reason, that, after many fruitless Hints, and sly Insinuations, she at last threw down the Warming-Pan, and embracing him with great Eagerness, swore he was the handsomest Creature she had ever seen.

Joseph in great Confusion leapt from her, and told her, he was sorry to see a young Woman cast off all Regard to Modesty; but she had gone too far to recede, and grew so very indecent, that Joseph was obliged, contrary to his Inclination, to use some Violence to her; and, taking her in his Arms, he shut her out of the Room, and locked the Door.

How ought Man to rejoice, that his Chastity is always in his own power, that if he hath sufficient Strength of Mind, he hath always a competent Strength of Body to defend himself: and cannot, like a poor weak Woman, be ravished against his Will.

Betty was in the most violent Agitation at this Disappointment. Rage and Lust pulled her Heart, as with two Strings, two different Ways; one Moment she thought of stabbing Joseph; the next, of taking him in her…

She throw down the book, for no man she ever hear of would refuse a woman of such fairness who so want a man to be a man. Not even a preacher or a magistrate. Certainly not no Massa Roget or Wilson or Quinn. Or the yellow sour-hair man who appear only in dream and make her pussy feel clammy. She throw down the book for she stop believing in Joseph. She don’t want to. Man did become a thing to Lilith, a black thing, and here come a man who didn’t even breathe to grey her up.

One night in reading when her mind was perplexing something awful over the word heterodox that Barnaby just say to Mr. Adams, she hear the stairs creak and jump. She shove the book under her dress. But it was Massa Henri asking for milk. She reach for a pitcher of milk that boil that evening and pour some in a glass for the boy. As she hand him the glass the book drop to the ground. She look at the book and at Massa Henri. Lilith couldn’t read him face.

— You just had a book baby! That was a lark, indeed it was! Quite like when Ivory, my horse, had a horse baby!

— Shhh, Massa Henri. You mother would have a fright if she know you up and about.

— Does it have pictures of horses and rainbows?

— No, Massa Henri.

— Oh. That’s dreadful. Is it a nigger book?

— Shhh, Massa Henri. You mustn’ tell nobody.

—’Tis a secret? I love a secret.

— Is the secretest secret. If the mistress hear, she goin’ wring you ears again. You not goin’ like that, I should think.

— No.

— So be a good little boy.

— I’m not little!

— Shhh. Be a good big boy. Off with you.

— I should very much like a piece of cake, I think.

Lilith look at the boy. He not smiling or angry, he just look at her straight. She try to find the massa in him, but see the Miss Isobel. They let him hair grown down to him shoulder now. She cut him a slice of pound cake and he run back upstairs.

Lilith come to realise that Miss Isobel lie. Massa Humphrey don’t ask for nobody hand in marriage yet. Lilith know this because she know the white man way be for the man to ask the father to hand over the daughter and Mistress Roget not be screaming in joy yet. But things was smelling of something else. Lilith not sure what until one day when Homer pay a visit. Homer come by carriage with Francine ’cause Mistress Roget poor nerves aggravate again. Homer come through the kitchen door, dress head to toe in navy blue, a frock and a blue bonnet from long ago when Massa Humphrey mother was young belle. As Homer step into the kitchen, Lilith rush to her. Then she stop. She open her arm to hug, but feel that might be too much. She reach out the hand to shake, but feel that too little. Come here, chile, Homer say and grab her up like a baby cat. Lilith go weak in her arm.

— You light like a feather, chile. You eating? Homer say.

Mistress Roget shout from upstairs that several guests coming for supper, so Lilith need to add more to the cooking. Lilith kneading flour while Homer boiling cerasee and comfrey leaf in a pot. The stove heat up the room and Homer take off her cap. Homer hair more white than Lilith remember even though Lilith be at Coulibre only two months or so. Homer go over to the counter where Lilith was kneading and write this in the flour:

A.M. Cum Isobel.

Lilith read what Homer write. — Come, chile, me know you get enough learning to read that, Homer say.

— Me can read it, Homer, Lilith say. But them things not be word.

— Things say more than what word can tell, Homer say.

— Well, is only you they talking to, ’cause me not hearing nothing.

— Massa Humphrey write it in him journal.

— What A.M. mean?

— Not just A.M., A.M. Cum Isobel. Wake up and smell the sheet funk, chile. They fuckin’. Massa Humphrey cunt-struck like man dog. Most time when he write that in him book is when he gone carousing and is always some woman name write after cum.

Right then, young Massa Henri run in, shouting, Sweets! Sweets! Like sweets be code word for him breeches being on fire. He run up to Lilith and wrap him arms around her. They move over to the cupboard with the boy little foots riding Lilith’s big foots. Lilith take out a big jar of molasses and dip a big wooden spoon while he hold out him hand. She pour molasses out in one streak, making a big X in the palm of him hand. Massa Henri giggle and run out. Lilith and Homer look at each other for a good long time. Then they burst out laughing. Homer laugh with a whisper that sound like she heaving with the breathing sickness and Lilith cover her mouth, slapping the dough.

— Bitch getting treat like nigger, Lilith say.

— How you mean?

— How you mean by how you mean? You say he be fuckin’ her. That mean he hold her down and take ’way. No so he do with nigger girl?

— Chile, hush you mouth. Backra no use same plough with white woman bush.

— Eehi? All me know ’bout white man is they seize a woman and shove it in and ram and jam till he start to whinny like horse.

— So white man be with nigger. White woman is another story. Unless she not worth a shilling. Besides, from what Pallas tell me, is she do the seducing.

— Right. Me’d think that was improper, as Miss Isobel herself would a say.

— Chile, watch when clock a-strike. She find some way to go in him room, saying she looking to have fourposter bed made for her maman and want to see what him own be lookin’ like. Pallas say is ’bout half hour or so the two come back out with them clothes mess up. Pallas say she never know two white people could a-work a funk like what she smell in that room after.

Lilith laugh.

— Hush, Homer say. — Plus me sees them.

— Lying bitch.

— Who you be that me have to lie to you?

— All right! All right, talk you talk.

— Listen to me. One time they so frisky like young rabbit that they forget to close the door tight. Me passing by to drop the new sheets and lo and behold, me hear sound like cat and dog a-fight. So me be thinking that two of massa dog get loose in the house. Me push the door little and it creak.

— And?

— Well, when door creak and nobody hear, you know them be busy.

— Ah suppose.

— Suppose nothing. Me open the door little wider and what should look at me but massa backside. There them be, him breeches down to him knee, coat throw to the ground and shirt all tie up. All me see of Miss Isobel is one leg spread left and one leg spread right, and there be massa ploughing the middle.

— Raas!

— Me chile. He moaning and she hot breathing and them try to come all quiet-like. He write this too in the book, Sed non bene.

— What that mean?

— Me no know.

— White lady suppose to lock it up till wedding ring come to open it.

— You don’t know what time clock strike. Them white woman be more shameless than nigger girl. Watch out for that one Miss Isobel, you hear me. She know more ’bout negro ways than you think. Every now and then she even have to catch herself chatting like nigger.

— No man going go ’pon top of me ever.

Lilith go to say again, but her mind catch her mouth. — Me kill him first, say.

— But see here. And why you come to that understanding, me chile?

— How you mean? All me see is white man or niggerman using one more thing to get on top of you. Me tired of that. Sick and tired.

— Me hear you. Me hear you. But sometime fuckin’ sweet, though.

— Homer?

— Hello, what you think me keep down there, cobweb? Me used to be a woman, you know. I know what you think, I know what all of you think, but there used to be one time when me was woman.

— And man lay down with you?

— Three.

— Massa?

— No.

— Who?

— First one name Benjy. When Benjy coming toward you and open him arms is like a tree spread wide in front of you.

— You did love him?

— Stop talk like white people.

— Then what?

— Then nothing. When that man hand wrap round you, you feel safe even if he was just another slave, just like me.

— And you make the man fuck you?

— That wasn’t fuckin’. And the man never make me. We make each other. That be what them call the making love. He slow and say pretty word like it be singing he singing. You must be the first person me telling this to.

— What making love feel like?

— Making love? Like the longest sweetest tickling. Then it turn into something else and bump come up under you skin and is like one wave hit you toe and wash all the way up to you head, sometime one, two, three time. You never know two people could make that one feeling. With Benjy, me used to shake and move so hard because he do it so good. And you pussy? It feel like it just get bless. Making love is good thing, Lilith.

— You use to say you don’t meet no man who could handle you.

— He almost, but in the end he was just a nigger.

Homer don’t say nothing after that for a while. Lilith look at the pot on the fire.

— He dead?

— I don’t know. Time come when me belly get big and as soon as Massa Jack see say the baby was goin’ be Akan and Coromantee he sell it already, before it even come of me belly. He. . me not talking ’bout this. Then Jack Wilkins make more mens rape two pickney out o’ me.

— Me no understand. After all that you come tell me that sexing good. Sound like it come at cost.

— Maybe, maybe not. Me tired of man misery. At least you seem righted now anyway. How they treating you?

— Homer, even nigger treat you like nigger here. And since Dulcimena, the kitchen woman, get killed, her work be my work. The rest of the niggers here worthless and stupid and chat you business to the mistress. Me do the cooking, the washing, the cow milking, and minding Miss Isobel stinking little brother, even the baby.

— Lord, me chile. They whip you?

— Any time she wish. The mistress do it mostly. Sometime for no reason, ever since Massa Humphrey give her permission, cowhide turn into her third hand. Me back have new scar take over from the old one.

— Lord have mercy.

— No. Lord don’t know mercy here, so he can frig right off. Homer, I think I goin’ run ’way.

— Lord God, me chile, don’t do that. Don’t make it worse.

— How the bloodcloth—Lilith slam her hand on the counter. She breathe deep, quiet herself and say, How it to get more worse?

— Coulibre not but twelve mile from Accompong. Twelve mile.

— Accompong?

— Maroon town, chile. Them niggers will smell you as soon as you set out. They have settlement not twelve mile from these parts. Better white man keep you than Maroons catch you.

— What the Maroon do to you, Homer?

Homer look like she ’bout to fall. She pull the stool from by the doorway and sit down.

— What them didn’t do to me, you should ask. That would be nothing.

— Don’t give me one of you Homer kinda answer. Me see you back already, Homer, one day when you washing yourself. Is all right. Now me have the same back just like you.

— Indeed. Indeed.

— What the Maroons do to you?

— The same thing Benjy do to me. The same Benjy me just talk ’bout. I tell you already that me and Benjy did sweet for one another, but me did lie. Me did love him, yes. Love him like how white girl say they love man in storybook. Mayhaps even more than that. That man use to rub me belly all the time when he see me was with chile. Then Massa Jack get wind of it. Talk ’bout how he see money in breeding and my baby with the sense of Akan and the back of Coromantee bound to catch a good price — even if is a gal. Me no know, something in me just break. Mayhaps every nigger reach that place where she say that done be enough now. Me tell Benjy that me running ’way and he come with me. Tell me that we should go west and head for the Maroons. We know they still under treaty, but they still taking niggers, especially one as strappin’ as Benjy.

Me still remember the night. Damn grounds so hot there be nothing for nigger to do but sit down and cuss. Massa Jack just buy fresh pussy off from Spanish Town slave market so he busy seasoning her. Everybody up to them usual business and even the mistress gone to Kingston. We never take nothing but weself. We go through the ratoon fields and the provision grounds — lord God, me never see so much rat in me life. Snake too. But nothing was goin’ stop me from having a free nigger baby. Not a damn thing. And Benjy. Every time he touch me belly is like the man grow some more. Me never tell a soul me was goin’, not even Pallas. Well, we make it to the west and in the hills where the Maroons be. Before we find them they find we. Remember, this be after the treaty.

— What that mean?

— That mean that they grab we and kick we like we is nigger. Benjy tell them that me in the family way and them don’t business. White man can make you feel plenty bad, but me never dream that nigger could make nigger feel worse. Call me lanky titty donkey. Say that the massa might not even want me back. One of them lift up me frock and shove him hand in me pussy to see if me tight enough to keep. Sum’bitches. Goddamn sum’bitches. Me was right. Them was looking for strapping nigger so they keep Benjy, but they drag me back for they two pounds. And not before they beat me first. Beat me so much that see me own pickney give up first and fall out of me womb. A girl. You understand what me telling you, chile?

— Y-yes.

— No, you don’t understand. Is not even losing the pickney that kill me. Is losing meself. Them Maroons make me feel like no nigger deserve freedom. No nigger must be man or woman. They think they free but they base and wicked and fucking goat so long they don’t even know woman. Me did think a woman not a woman unless she be free and they take that from me. Take ’way me womanness. Is better they did rape me than send me back. Benjy, that same Benjy who tell me that me birthmark is like island and me skin is sea. That same sum’bitch don’t even say nothing and couldn’t even look. Me even feel sorry for him, for what nigger love be compare to free? And that Jack Wilkins, he make an example out of me. He been waiting for that all he life. All he life. You think you get whipping? Me get the worst whipping ever in Montpelier. The worst of the worst. Beat me with whip and tree branch and then brand me with iron across me back for every day me did gone. That one be the mistress idea. She take great interest. When Wilkins run out of back she tell him to brand me front. Hear me own titty cook like a goose. Smell me own self burning. Then she have me wait on her hand and foot since then. And even that, Lilith, even that wasn’t the worst. The worst was when him set six man ’pon me to fuck me so that me can breed again. Two time he do it. You know how it feel to take out this mash-up thing to feed you chile? Every time me look down, me think me chile suckin’ some animal.

— Jesus Christ, Homer. Jesus Christ. Lilith clutch herself.

— No, you just tell him to go frig him own backra ass.

— You cussing again.

— All them leave me was me mouth. And me become a good-behaving nigger. The best. Me so best that near everybody done forget what happen to me, except the white people. But that fine. That sweet and dandy. Me been friggin’ up the mistress mind with me tea for years now. She soon mad as raas. And this one. She think this tea goin’ cool her nerves but it goin’ do more than that.

Lilith shock again and look at Homer for a long time. She look again at the hair and the dress and wonder how it take her so long to see that is woman she looking at. Lilith say, Homer.

— Homer?

— Huh?

— Me have me ways too.

— Really, now.

Homer get up and have her arms akimbo. She straighten herself and wait for the old Homer to come back. — What ways?

Lilith take the pot with Homer tea boiling off the stove.

— This kinda ways, Lilith say and hike up her skirt. She crouch good over the pot but high up that she don’t burn herself and piss. Homer laugh. When Lilith done, she put the pot back on the stove. Homer spit into it.

— Sometime, when the recipe call for molasses, me slip some dog shit in it too, Lilith say.

— Cow shit! Cow shit for me, Homer say.

— White man be one strong bastard with all the shit he eat, Lilith say and they laugh again.

— You different, Lilith. You have more darkness ’bout you now. You turning into woman, Homer say to her.

— Me turning into something, Lilith say.

18

EVERY NEGRO WALK IN A CIRCLE. TAKE THAT AND MAKE OF IT what you will. But sometimes that circle start squeeze in on itself and get smaller and smaller and smaller like a mark, or a head. A head so small that the negro have one chance to stomp it with her foot and stomp it good. Lilith know. She learn and she learn it good. Plenty things be a sin, but every sin come with temptation and chance.

One night Lilith on the kitchen floor trying to sleep. Her mat softer now that she get Dulcimena sheets to pile on top of hers. Lilith thinking ’bout how no matter how much people come in and out of her life, she be alone. Sometimes Lilith like lonesomeness, sometime she hate it like poison. Lilith lie down on the sheets and stare in the dark and the moonlight that come through the window. One spot of silver that surrounded by darkness. The house quiet but she wait and listen to the silence for a good while. The only thing making noise is cricket. Lilith feel something coming on her, that feeling of the devil. She reach for Joseph Andrews at the bottom of the cupboard in the darkest corner of the kitchen but didn’t open it. Joseph want her to be a woman of the sort that she don’t want to be, she sure of that now. Or she think she sure. She don’t know and don’t like how this man who don’t want to use him cocky as befits a man should make her think deep into herself. Lilith breathe in the night for she know what coming. But then she open her eyes and sigh. She get up and look in the direction of where the moon coming through the window. She know the night woman be there, standing and looking at her.

The black woman dressed in black dress like she coming from God funeral. Lilith still. Is long time since she see her, and not at Coulibre. For a while she still hold that it was one of her five sister. Pallas, Iphigenia, Callisto, Gorgon, Andromeda — no, she wasn’t one. . Hippolyta.

— Callisto? Lilith say. The woman say nothing. Lilith feeling cold. Then the woman raise her right hand with one finger point up. She point the finger at her own heart and tap seven time. Lilith look at her own chest where she think the heart be. She look up again, but the woman gone.

One time when Lilith was a little girl Circe tell her about the Abarra. Plenty people claim they see one. Abarra is a tricky spirit. Something white man would call demon. When the Abarra come after you, she take the form of somebody you know but she can’t talk since the Abarra got no tongue. Lilith wondering if she seeing the same spirit but she don’t look like nobody she know. She wonder if is somebody she supposed to know. Or somebody who know her. Lilith thinking she can’t sleep in the kitchen but if the mistress ever call her and she not present, she goin’ get a whipping for sure. Even Abarra can’t whip nobody. Lilith lie down trembling. A roach run across the floor and she jump. Lilith pull up her knee and curl like baby until she go to sleep.

Miss Isobel step over Lilith and wake her up by slapping her forehead with a horsewhip.

— Is six o’ clock, you indolent bitch, Miss Isobel say. Lucky for you, my horse is the only animal getting thrashed today. I shall be back by the afternoon. Tell that to my stepmother when she asks.

— Yes, Miss Isobel. Me commencing breakfast right now, missis, Lilith say, but Miss Isobel gone through the door already. A horse whinny and then gallop off. Lilith rub her eye and get up. She make one step and feel Joseph Andrews under her foot. Lilith shudder. Surely if Miss Isobel did see the book Lilith would be halfway up a tree to be whipped right now. Lilith grab the book and hide it in the cupboard. Joseph want her to look at him, to laugh like a white woman who have the right to.

But she not a white woman. She not Lady Booby or even Betty, the servant. This not England. And there be no man in the colony like Joseph Andrews or him very dear friend Mr. Abraham Adams. And even if there be white mens of such quality, they only be so for white people. There be no love for the nigger. Lilith cup some water and splash on her face. The coldness wake her up. She check the stove if any piece of wood left to start a new fire. As soon as the fire catch she would go outside and commence milking the milk cows and setting loose the fed cows so they can graze. The chickens wake up late. Even the sun haul herself out this morning like she don’t want to come out to work. In two hours the mistress wake up and the pickneys goin’ to start make all sort of noise. Homer did leave some comfrey tea leaf with her the other day and these days is only a drink of it that prevent her from losing herself. But she still seeing blood. And the more they whip her, or she see somebody getting whip, the more blood she seeing. And Joseph not making her laugh no more. Lilith search her mind for something in the book, something to make the day light. But Joseph Andrews lying to her, making her wish for a place and time that never goin’ come. No Mr. Adams waiting for a nigger. Nothing in this book a nigger can use. Lilith spend so much time looking for light under a man heel that she shock when a woman speak to her. A woman in the book by the name of Tow-Wouse. A woman with that Piece of Flint which that good Woman wore in her Bosom by way of heart. She set three pot of water on the stove to boil.

Time for the massa bath. He always wake up and bathe early. Earlier than him wife wake up, because, he say, he have to leave for court in Kingston. After the water done boil Lilith take some to the bathroom and pour into the tub while she wait for the massa. The massa come in and pull off him nightshirt. Without the wig, him head near bald like a newborn young’un. Lilith watch. She watch him pregnant-lookin’ belly that flap down and him shoulder that cover in little spots. She watch him penis and balls jiggle into each other. Is a good two week since he have reason to whip her.

— Confound it, woman, how many times must I ask if the water’s warm enough? he say.

— Yes, massa, it warm enough, sah, Lilith say.

— I don’t recollect you testing it, Massa Roget say.

— Yes, massa, I does that now, sah, Lilith say.

Lilith dip her hand in the big white tub but the massa climb in the same time and splash the front of her dress. Lilith get up and go for a bucket of warm water. She pour over the massa head slow and listen to him moan. She look at how the water part the little bit of hair left and show a white point in him head. He lean forward and Lilith take the cotton cloth and scrub him back. This be the only time when Lilith not thinking of man to be a devil, this time when she not seeing him face and he cooing like baby. Massa Roget grab Lilith by the dress and pull her round to face him. He smiling already and suddenly she wonder ’bout Robert Quinn. Long time since that face come up in her mind and she surprised that she wondering ’bout him. Lilith pull out of her thinking just in time to dodge a slap. Massa Roget close him eye and lean back so that him cocky rise out of the water. Sometimes him hard, sometimes him soft, sometimes him hard again, but all the time him blame Lilith. — Stupid black goat, you’re not shucking corn, he say. Lilith thinking about what she can cook in the little time she goin’ have left after this. She yanking him slow. Massa Roget breathing heavy. Him face wet. Lilith don’t know if is water or sweat.

— For heaven’s sake, my wife wakes with the roosters, him say.

— Then shuck you own cock, Lilith say almost like whisper, so quiet that only when she look up she see that the massa hear.

Both she and Massa Roget eye open wide. Before she could jump away he grab her hand and squeeze, the fingernail digging into her skin. Lilith struggle ’gainst the man. He call her an impudent, treacherous slut. Inside her, a Lilith shouting that she must stop stop stop the uppityness and take what white man giving her. This Lilith pointing to the reward for uppityness and she see her body swinging from a noose. Then burn by fire. Then shove in river and drown. The water splashing. She pulling away, he holding firm. The inside Lilith take over her skin and she twitch and shake as the white flesh overcome her. Everything inside tell her to just lie down, lie down right now on the floor and mayhaps the cowhide won’t be so hot this time. Mayhaps the kick to head will hurt for two day instead of three. Mayhaps if she beg like a girl and not like a woman, if she whimper and cry, massa take pity ’pon fool-fool Lilith, he would only slap her across the face with him ring and by next day she good as forget. Lilith look at him, smiling as he squeeze her arm skin off and she kill that woman inside her. Then she spit in him face. The massa let go one hand and punch her right in the cheek. At that second she feel two other white man punch her in the face, one with red hair, one with sour yellow. Lilith claw Massa Roget cheek and skin come off. He yell and grab her hair and yank her to the tub. She grabbing for anything her hand can reach, slippers, shoes, the pail, loose brick. He raise himself to stand up but freeze. Lilith struggling to get away and slip out of him hand sudden. Massa Roget eyes fly up in him head. Him whole body start to quiver and he grab him left hand with the right. He losing breath. — H-h-h. . elp, hhhhh, he say. Massa Roget legs buckle and he fall back in the tub, clapping him head hard on the rim. He sink below the water. Massa try to push himself back up and slip and go under again. He coughing now. — H-h-help, he whimper. Lilith step slow to the tub like she ’fraid. Massa push himself out of the water, coughing and still shaking. Lilith reach out to him chest. Massa eyes red and Lilith never see a white man looking so frighten. She put both hands on him chest, feeling the hair between her fingers, and shove him back down in the water. Massa Roget fight, but she pin him harder. She on her feet now, using all her weight to pin him down. Massa Roget not weaker but him jerkin’ and the water making him slippery. Lilith looking at him eye that wide open and red and frighten like a pickney. Like a nigger. He grab after her hand and miss and grab one of her breast. Lilith yell. He push himself up above the water again. Lilith don’t know if him eye red from water or tears. He groan like he about to say something, but jerk again. She try to push him under, feeling the darkness growing under her skin. Massa Roget trying to get up but him chest exploding on him. Lilith pull away and thump him in the chest. Then she thump him again. And again. And again. And three more time. Seven, the number that a woman tap in the dark. Massa Roget croak and slump down in the tub. Lilith pin him down again, shoving him under until she feel a bone crack and one last bubble leave him nose. Massa Roget still. The tub water settle and she look at him, looking at her with black man fear on him face. Lilith feel a new thing under skin, something that tingle as her heart jump up and down. It never beat so fast and so loud. True darkness and true womanness that make man scream. Then she hear a scream for real. At the door be the mistress. She go to scream again but a cough come out. She run from the door.

Lilith not thinking, Lilith not frighten, the only sound she hear is her heart beating like a drum in her ears. Boom. Boom. Boom. She hearing the drum beat. Seven drumbeat. Seven tap of finger from the Abarra woman. True darkness and true womanness that make man scream. Now she know what the woman in the dark want.

Blood.

The woman want blood.

Lilith run after her. Mistress Roget screaming and bawling, Lilith almost catch her. Blood pumping hot through Lilith and her temples pound like they goin’ burst. Lilith catch up to Mistress Roget by the stair balcony and push her hard. Matraca coming up the stairs and scream. Two scream, but Mistress Roget’s scream get cut when she burst over the wood balcony and fall to the marble floor and crunch her neck. Blood spread from under her back like two red wing.

Lilith turn to the pickney room. — Lawd, sweet Jesus father deliver me, not the pickneys! Not the pickneys, Matraca say. Lawd have mercy! Lawd have mercy! Matraca run past Lilith and beat her to the pickney door. Lilith hear a door click. Lilith cuss, but then remember Miss Isobel. Her heart pumping so hard that she feel it goin’ burst out of her bosom. Lilith done think. Lilith be the beast that backra saying she be from she born. They bound to kill her now. Miss Isobel soon come back to see her family dead and they goin’ roast Lilith slow over the fire. Two dead body — white body — make Lilith blacker than ever and more frighten. She want to live and she want to die and she shock when Robert Quinn appear in her head again. Lilith start to cry and whimper like a dog. She start to rock like when Tantalus’ head fly up inside him. When Miss Isobel come back, they goin’ roast her slow over a fire so that she scream for one week straight. They going stick hot coal up her pussy so that she can smell her own burnin’ flesh. They goin’ whip her until her fingers pop off. True darkness and true womanness make her want to live, make her think that goddamn, this nigger goin’ live longer than what white man say. Than what God say. Lilith let the spirit take her back into the kitchen. She have to hide and the only thing she can think of hiding in is fire. She don’t think. She chanting in her head. Lilith grab some stick from the kitchen stove. She look out the window and then go back upstairs. In the mistress’ room, be plenty curtain, drape, bedsheet, carpet and paper. Lilith touch each with the stick and fire take birth. First it crackle, then it spread, climbing up one curtain and scooting across to the next, then spreading across rug, then twisting and turning through paper. Soon the fire roar. Lilith hear the roar and understand it. Opapala in you, the goddess of hunger. Lilith leave the room. At the doorway she step out and a cloud of smoke follow her like a army of spirits. She go by the pickney room and throw the burnin’ stick by the door.

But as she step down the stairs the same fire strike Lilith back and she jump. The fire cackle and mock her and leap for her skirt. She scream again and again as the fire hiss. She run down the rest of the stairs and trip and fall to the floor and get up to find her shoulder and chest soak with the mistress’ blood. The fire coming after her, hopping down from step to step like a impudent pickney. Lilith run.

19

MISS ISOBEL FALL TO THE GROUND AND STAY THERE TILL Massa Humphrey come. She bawl out, Lawd! Woi! like a nigger girl. One of the two mens who see her riding back to Coulibre say she scream all the way until she reach the house. She nearly fall off the horse and try to run to the door, but one of the mens hold her back. She screaming and fighting them off and cursing all kind of word ’bout niggers messing with her. — Don’t touch me! Don’t you dare touch me! she say and bawl out her little brother name. She scream, Maman! Maman, oh God! Oh, God! She try to run into the house again from the back but the mens hold her. — No, Miss Isobel, it too late, the fire bound to kill you for sure, he say. — I going to kill you, I’ll kill you all! Miss Isobel bawl again. She bawl until she keen and keen until she drop. The mens look at her on the ground but ’fraid to touch a white woman. One nigger jump on her horse and near fall off. He steady himself little bit and ride through the gate.

Coulibre burnin’.

Fire raging and hissing and cussing and bending and climbing and racing like a yellow-red-yellow snake from one window to the next. Fire run up to the ceiling and spread across like a spill to run back down one wall then the next and then a painting then the next. One window explode, then another, then another. Black smoke fly out the window like house spirit fleeing. Fire crackling like lightning and like laughter. So much in the white man house to burn. Carpet and curtain and book and letters, and chairs and tables and flesh. Fire hop out a window and climb up on the roof. A cloud of black smoke make the noon dark.

Two hour later the slave come back in a cart that Robert Quinn driving. Massa Humphrey ride him horse over and reach little earlier. The river too far and Coulibre have too few nigger to form a line to carry bucket of water. Massa Humphrey run to the house but Robert Quinn reach in time to stop him. The two struggle, but Robert Quinn stronger. — Damn it, Humphrey, I will not have ye make a corpse of yerself! he say. Massa Humphrey push Quinn off when he see Miss Isobel in the dirt. He lift her and put her in the cart, scowling at the niggermens who stand there and watch. Lilith see them. She wonder if they did see her first. A fit of fear did hit her when the fire take over the house and no matter how far she run, the heat chase her. Flame catch her back and some of her clothes burn. She watch Massa Humphrey trying to be gentle with Miss Isobel, wiping her face with him handkerchief. She look around to see Robert Quinn watching her. Robert Quinn left eyebrow raised, asking question. But Miss Isobel wake up screaming and he rush to the cart.

Miss Isobel screaming for her mother. She faint again and Massa Humphrey hold her like a baby. Robert Quinn whisper something and Massa Humphrey look up right away at Lilith. — Come here, you, he say. Lilith gulp. She move to them slow, feeling her bare foot cut through the grass. Robert Quinn lookin’ at Lilith, then whisper to Massa Humphrey again.

— Lilith? he say.

— Yes, massa.

— Of Montpelier.

— Yes, massa.

— Explain what happened here. At once, girl!

Lilith don’t say nothing.

— I said speak up, damn you.

— Me. . me don’t know, me don’t know, sah.

— You don’t know? You don’t bloody know? What are you, the daftest nigger cow God ever let loose to torment me? Let me enlighten you, Lilith, there’s a little fire raging behind you, or are you blind as well as stupid?

— Yes, massa.

— How did this happen?

— Me. . me was milking the cow, massa. Me didn’t even know the house be burnin’, sah, till me come back.

— You didn’t even know.

— Humphrey, it’s quite possible that—

— I’m capable of asking my own questions, Quinn. So, Miss Lilith—

— Me try to run in for the pickneys, massa.

— Don’t you dare interrupt me, you damn. . Did anyone. . Couldn’t you have… Had none of you the heart to. . oh, Jesus. Kill us, that’s what you wish to do. You wish death on us all!

— Humphrey, Robert Quinn say and touch him shoulder. Massa slap him hand off. Quinn stare down massa but then look at Lilith. She wish down to the bone that she didn’t just jump. She know her jaw drop. She know it and he seen it.

— And yer sleeve? Did ye hurt yerself?

— Me was. . me was trying… the pickneys — me was trying to save the pickneys but board fall ’pon me, sah.

Quinn go towards Lilith but Massa Humphrey stop him.

— Oh, for God’s sake, Robert. We have other priorities than a bloody nigger!

Quinn turn away but look at her again. Lilith feel like he might rip off her clothes and throw her into the fire when he see nothing. She walk away backward and stumble. She get up and run off.

By evening nearly every planter, attorney, infantryman, priest and clerk in the county pay visit to the Coulibre house. Terrible business, some say. The preacher pray. Massa Humphrey send Miss Isobel off to Montpelier and give the mens instructions for Homer. — You stay, he say to Lilith when he see her heading for the cart.

The wall was stone and they stand firm though they black with soot. Everything else burn to nothing, including the roof. Some parts still burnin’ but most was now ash and rubble. The little fire that left in the corners and under the floorboard hiss. In what was the sitting room, half of a red chaise longue stand out around black and grey. Things that use to have shape in the world the day before is just mound of ash now. The bathtub fall from the top floor to the bottom. Robert Quinn see it first and step through the rubble to look closer. He cover him mouth quick. Massa Humphrey walking over but Quinn jump in the way.

— Humphrey, there are things ye can’t unsee once you’ve seen ’em, Quinn say. Massa Humphrey step past. Quinn grab him hand, but the massa push him away.

— I’m not a goddamn boy, Robby, he say. But when he see what left of Massa Roget, him legs get weak and he almost fall. Robert Quinn hold on to him tight until he done throw up.

Matraca wouldn’t leave the pickneys so she dead too. Bessy too old, so by the time she could wake up to feel herself burnin’, she burn to death too. Francine, the mistress lady in waiting, was not on the premises but didn’t get far. A soldier see her just as she turn her carriage around to ride away. They ride her down and demand to know where she was trying to get to with the mistress’ carriage. Then they beat her, even though she scream that she was coming, not going. They round up Habakkuk and the niggermens too, saying they was trying to rape Miss Isobel. More hour later the commander of the militia say they suspect that Francine was part of the plot and was trying to run away. People beginning to wonder how come neither the massa nor the mistress could save themself. They wonder how come nobody even try to run for the door and why Massa Roget body was in a bathtub.

For the next two day they strip all them niggers naked, wet they skin and whip them with the cowhide. They whip Francine leg first and she scream and bawl, then her back, then her belly. They push her down on the floor and pin her with they boots. She bawling that she didn’t do nothing. The commander say she should be a credit to her race and stop being a lying nigger cunt. The commander have the soldiers light corn husk and scrape off the burnin’ bits so that fire rain down on her belly, face and titties. Francine still screaming that is not she! Is not she! So they heat a poker and start to brand all over her body. When she still didn’t talk they spread her leg wide and brand her pussy. People at the far end of Spanish Town hear the girl scream. When she could finally talk, she beg for mercy for all her wrongdoing. Then they do the same to the mens, branding they balls or they arsehole. Every nigger confess. The commander lock them up in the gaol for trial.

Friends of Massa Roget storm the gaol, pull them out and beat them some more, blinding the girl in the right eye with a club. She scream so much until she could scream no more and all that leave was her mouth agape. Two white womens spit on her but even they couldn’t stomach what happen next. The men folk drag them all to the center of the Spanish Town square as evening come in grey. They pull them up with rope and the niggers swinging from a cotton tree. Then the mens stone them until they start to swing. The girl dead before they set her on fire. The mens did still alive but too weak to scream. The sour stink of burnin’ negro invade every window and doorway in Spanish Town. Lilith return to Montpelier.

She come back the same way she leave, in the back of the carryall that Robert Quinn drive.

— Are ye happy to be back, lass? he say.

— Yes, massa, Lilith say.

— Well, how anyone finds cause to be happy amidst this terrible business mystifies me, of course. Then again, much about negroes mystifies me.

— Yes, massa.

Robert Quinn sigh. Terrible, terrible business, he say. Miss Isobel is beside herself, of course. Do ye feel sorry for her, Lilith?

— Yes, massa. Me feel terrible sorry for her. And the poor pickneys.

— I’m sure ye do. Lucky you were to be out milking the cow and not asleep.

Yes, massa. Lucky.

At the estate, Homer and Pallas was in the kitchen.

— Look who come back, Pallas say, but Lilith didn’t say nothing.

— You good, girl chile? Homer say.

— Yes, Lilith say, lookin’ down on the floor.

— Look like you goin’ need two kinda tea tonight, Homer say.

— One to sleep and one to forget, Pallas say.

— Me don’t have nothing to forget, Lilith say.

— Of course, Homer say. You have you bundle? Lucky you manage to save that in time.

Lilith don’t say nothing.

— You hear the news, Homer? They kill them Coulibre niggers that do it. Burn them right down to nothing. You know her, Lilith, the girl they say start the fire? Pallas say.

— Me and she was not friend.

— Me sure you and she wasn’t enemy, neither. Anyway, Homer, the white mens catch her trying to run ’way. Next thing you know, they say she confessing to starting the fire. Yes, me dear, they lock her up, but of course you know what happen when nigger get lock up in gaol.

— Lynching.

— Lynching is correct. No trial for that bitch. Not a baby killer. No she used to take care of the pickneys, Lilith?

— No, that be Matraca.

— Where she be?

— Dead. Where me sleeping?

— You forget already? Where you always sleep. You space waiting on you, Homer say. Lilith step past her and go down the cellar steps.

— Welcome home, Homer say.

Morning come and Miss Isobel wake up in a fit. She clutch herself quick as if to make sure that she have on clothes. Miss Isobel jump out of bed and run down the stairs. Passing through the hallway, her movement wake up Massa Humphrey, who be sleeping on a chaise in the sitting room.

— Isobel? Isobel? Is that you?

— A heartless one you are, that’s all I can say about you, Humphrey Wilson. A heartless, heartless one.

— Pardon me?

— How could you, Humphrey? How could you have let me sleep in your room through the night? Do you know what would happen should this get out? A lady still needs her honour, Humphrey, her entire family’s standing rests on it.

— But Isobel.

— I must have lost all good sense, doing what I’m doing with you. Allowing you to have you way with. . You must think me no better than the niggers. And look at me, maybe I’m not. We are sinning, Humphrey Wilson.

— Isobel, I beg you.

— No, we have forgotten ourselves, Mr. Wilson, and you have dishonoured me once too many times, but even this is going too far.

— Isobel—

— Oh, let me leave, Humphrey.

Isobel fix her dress bosom and head for the door. She nearing the doorway and stop. Just stop still, like Lot wife that turn back.

— Isobel? Massa Humphrey say. He run in time just to catch her as she nearly faint. Miss Isobel start screaming again. Lilith hear the scream from downstairs, the woman scream that she hear before from Massa Humphrey mother. Serve her right, the bitch, Lilith whisper to herself, over and over and over till she believe it.

Lilith wear the anger through the day, like she gnashing teeth. — Me peeling as fast as me can, pussyhole, she say to Pallas when Pallas ask her for the potato to put in the soup. Homer don’t say nothing and Lilith make sure not to look at her. Pallas put food on the tray and tell Lilith to carry it up to Miss Isobel. Lilith say she busy.

— Twiddling thumb don’t count as busy, Homer say, and that be that.

Lilith open the door to Massa Humphrey room. She don’t see Miss Isobel. She put down the tray with the soup and go to leave. Right then, Miss Isobel come out of the water closet.

— What is that you brought? Miss Isobel say.

— Soup, mistress.

— Soup? Who said I wanted soup? Tell Mr. Wilson that I do not have much of an appetite, not now.

— Yes’m.

— Maybe not ever.

— Yes’m.

— You killed them, didn’t you?

Lilith jump.

— You and all the others. You killed them. You watched my family die. Burn to death like. . like. . oh! Did you not hear a scream? Not a single scream?

— Ma’am?

— Nor a shout? Not even a whimper? You heard not one cry for help? Were you not in the kitchen?

— I. . I was out milking the cows, ma’am.

— You telling me that you’re the one nigger in creation who don’t know what a scream sounds like? You want me whip the bloodcloth out of you so that you remember?

— No, please, ma’am! I try to save… I try to save. The doorway fall ’pon me. . I. .

Miss Isobel climb off the bed. — What kind of monster kills a baby? What kind of demon lets him die? Answer me that question! Answer…Miss Isobel knees buckle and she sit back down. She look overcome. Lilith backing away to the door.

— Weren’t you friends with Francine? Don’t you all share your damned nigger fantasies? Would you have killed them too? Answer me!

People hearing. Footsteps approach the door.

— You were on the grounds! You were. . oh, God.

Lilith stand still, lookin’ down on the ground while Miss Isobel cry again. — I’ll bet you’re not even sorry, she say.

Lilith feel like she about to cry herself. — Me plenty sorry, mistress. Me plenty sorry.

— You know what I wish? I’ll bet you don’t. You think right now, right at this very moment I’m wishing God returns my family? You think so? Well you’re wrong. Wronger than the devil.

Miss Isobel get up again, but she wobble when she walk. She still wobble and hobble over to Lilith as Lilith step backways and backways. — Try to guess what I’m wishing for. Me say guess, bitch, not run!

Miss Isobel close in on her by the door before Lilith could slip through the doorway. She close enough for Lilith to smell oldness on her, that sour mildew mixed with perfume smell. Her eyes red and her cheek hollow and dark. Her breath foul.

— You know what I wish? I wish I was strong enough to wield an axe. I wish I could take an axe and chop every nigger in my sight. Chop you from the feet up so that you scream all the way. Chop you all up into bits and feed you to Humphrey’s dogs. That’s what I wish.

— Me sorry bad, mistress.

— You’re sorry? What for? Isn’t this what all niggers want? You think me don’t know how you stay? Mind is you even set the fire.

— No, please, mistress, me didn’t have nothing to do with it, mistress.

— All the time now. I hear them all the time. I’m hearing them right now.

— Me wish me could bring them back, mistress.

— That’s not what I wish. I wish I had the bare hands to choke you or a knife to cut your tongue out. I wish I wasn’t a lady or a woman, but a nigger like you. Can you imagine that? Can you imagine me envying a wretched nigger like you?

Massa Humphrey rush into the room. — Isobel, are you all right?

Miss Isobel lose herself in him arms. He shout and catch her and take her to bed. Lilith can’t move. Before she know it, he in front of her.

— What were you doing to her? he say. Lilith about to say something but he slap it out of her mouth.

— Get out.

Lilith in the cellar hiding in the dark. Babies crying around her as they skin burn. Lilith try to think about the quilt on her back, the reason for what she do. Lilith trying to think of a deeper, more angrier reason. Lilith thinking that this is just eye for an eye and tooth for a tooth. Lilith think that if she say it enough time, maybe ten, maybe twenty, maybe the number after that it would leave a mark in her head like Robert Quinn’s tattoo on him knuckle. Eye for an eye and tooth for a tooth. Lilith thinking about the anger that boil her blood and why it leave her. Why it put fire in her eyes then stamp itself out, leaving this heaviness. The fire that did say this is what she be and this is what she do. The fire that not red, but black like skin. True darkness and true womanness that make a man scream. But if this be the true womanness, then she don’t want it no more. Mayhaps true womanness was to be free to be as terrible as you wish. Like a white woman. Mayhaps true womanness mean to let the terribleness run loose and wild like river flood. True womanness be the seed of destruction like plenty whorish woman in the Bible. Mayhaps a woman be a beast indeed and everything the white man say ’bout a niggerwoman being left to her own devices be true. Lilith don’t want to be no woman no more. She want to go back and run through the ratoon fields, even to Circe, whose wickedness was never wicked like the Rogets. Nobody deserve to be dead more than Massa Roget, except that now the man really dead. And the two pickneys and Matraca. Blood don’t taste like wine, Lilith learning. Homer in the kitchen.

Lilith walking down the corridor and pass a looking glass on the wall, big as the paintings of the dead Wilsons. It didn’t make right and the mistress keep it away from people. Lilith watch the looking glass looking at her. The looking-glass Lilith have a flat head top, a chin that point all the way to the ground and eye so big Lilith can see another Lilith in it. She looking at the looking-glass eye holding her secret and wonder if maybe anybody can find out if they look hard enough.

— I beseech you, Isobel, you must eat, Massa Humphrey say. He at the door of him own room that now be Miss Isobel room. Near two week gone since the fire. Massa Humphrey living in one of the guest rooms. The day before, he go to him mother to tell her what happen, but she didn’t seem to hear. The whole time she asking her son where the father go when he go riding, since nobody in town ever see him. Her room smell of dead flowers and piss. The mistress thin and her lips chap up. Massa Humphrey about to leave the room when the mistress say, Poor, poor Ludmilla, before she go back where her mind usually go. Homer wipe sweat from the woman face.

Now Massa Humphrey at another door trying talk to another woman who lock herself in. The massa look ragged, blue shirt not tuck in breeches and no shoes on him foot. Him hair wild. The two womens wearing him down.

— Isobel, really, I will open this door, he say.

— Do as you must, she say. Massa Humphrey open the door. Homer behind him. Lilith behind her carrying a food tray that still steaming and crackling with frying oil.

The room smell different to Lilith. Not just the perfume that woman use in between bath, but also the lighter sweat that come from woman flesh. Massa Humphrey pull back the drawn curtains and light pounce ’pon Miss Isobel, who look like the bed swallow her up.

— Oh, a pox on the lot of you! Miss Isobel say. Her eyes puffy from crying and sleeping but she still dressed ready to go in her one light purple dress with the petticoat showing and her shoes still on.

— Isobel—

— And you, sir, stepping into a woman’s bedroom like I were some parlor whore!

— I have been criminally remiss, Miss Isobel, my apologies. I’m only concerned—

— I do not want your concern, nor do I accept your apology.

— Miss Isobel.

Miss Isobel climb out of the bed dressed head to foot, like she just coming in from the country. — I’m just like them, you know. Did you know I was no better, Humphrey?

— Forgive me, Isobel, I don’t understand.

— No better than negro I am, no breeding nor bearing, no education on how one becomes a proper lady. Have you not heard what Edward Long has said about us? Even we backward Creole women have heard of it. Seems he think we are ignorant blackie lovers who are to be pitied. Do you pity me, Humphrey?

— Isobel. This is a tragedy, a real—

— Please. You think it’s a tragedy for them? Look at them outside this window playing at remorse. You don’t know them like I do, Humphrey, but how could you? How could you know what goes on in the mind of these niggers? Get out.

— Isobel?

— Them! Me don’t want no stinking nig — I don’t want to be around any goddamn nigger laughing behind my back. Get out. Get out! Get out!

— Really, Isobel! There’s no call for—

— You think I’m a witch, don’t you? You think I’m a hellion. I’ll bet you weren’t thinking such when—

— Isobel!

Miss Isobel sit back down on the bed, with her back to everybody.

— Just get them out, Humphrey, my stomach grows sick from the sight of niggers.

— And I don’t want any goddamned nigger food, Miss Isobel say. Massa Humphrey point to the dresser bench for Lilith to put the tray.

— God is punishing me for my sin, Humphrey, surely he is.

— You’re sick with grief. It’s only fitting that—

— Oh, enough with your patronizing! I know how much of a family’s honour is tied up in the daughter’s purity, Humphrey, even if you don’t. Thank God Papa died before hearing news that I was a degenerate. That would have killed him.

— I don’t think—

— I dare ask, do you ever think at all? Did you think what you were doing to a poor lady when you had your way with—

— Had my way? Had my goddamn way? I don’t remember putting you in shackles and dragging you into my bedroom, the room you’re sleeping in right now, may I remind you. Not for the first time, may I remind you. And if you really want to pass bl — Oh, will you set down that blasted tray and get out!

Lilith put down the tray so swift that the teacups tumble. She and Homer step out of the room quick, only Massa Humphrey face was getting red quicker.

— You have certainly defiled me, sir, was the last thing Lilith and Homer hear before Massa Humphrey slam the door. Lilith back at the crooked mirror looking. Lilith wondering if the mad version of her goin’ jump out again, maybe right there. She wonder if it is all this heavy thinking in her head that drawing her cheeks down so till she start to look meager. Lilith turn to go back downstairs but Homer grab her hand and pull her over to the door. Massa Humphrey and Miss Isobel don’t finish yet.

— No, Isobel, you are not yourself, Massa Humphrey say. — I will not. I will not! Isobel!

— Then get out! Miss Isobel scream. The door swing open and another Get out fly through before Massa Humphrey. The massa so frighten he don’t even notice Lilith and Homer tumble down on the floor as he step past. Lilith peek inside and see Miss Isobel readjusting her dress.

Massa Humphrey finally convince Miss Isobel to go through with the funeral, almost a month after the fire. Homer hear the massa talking to Robert Quinn ’bout the father body that burn so stiff in the tub that they have to break it up just so he can fit in a casket. Robert Quinn say they found what they believe to be the mother and they should just take whatever they find, put it in two casket and call that the children. Lilith hear Homer tell Pallas and Callisto. Lilith run through the kitchen around the back of the house and vomit.

At the funeral everybody expecting Miss Isobel to break from the pew like wild goat and run to the coffins. Lilith expecting her to bawl and wail and keen so loud that the church roof rattle. She expect bawling that drown out the bell. Loud enough that them God would come down and point Lilith out as the evildoer and drag her straight off to the lake of fire where wicked negroes burn. But instead Miss Isobel was a stick. People expect Miss Isobel to be in black but she wearing the same purple dress, even though Massa Humphrey said he would buy her a whole new wardrobe or have Homer make her something. — I’d rather burn in hell than be draped in something a nigger made, she say. Almost every woman have a veil covering them hair but her.

Since the fire, Lilith feel wrong whenever she eat, and don’t have no desire for it. She will eat the boil potatoes and milk and throw it up every time she think of two baby flesh burnin’ into one with a negro who trying to save them on top. Lilith wonder if she kill them first, gentle-like, before they feel any burn. She wonder again what kind of spirit give her madness, then take it away for her so that she see what madness did. Lilith bedding soak with tears and when she think ’bout how she not to cry and how every white devil get what he or she deserve, she soak the bedding some more. What only Lilith know is that Miss Isobel all cried out. Soon, burned baby start to follow Lilith. A stump of ash that try to cry from what fire melt together. The stump follow her. Behind it another stump with ash crackling and bits falling off. Behind it another stump of ash, bigger than the two, with the belly fat and a head with a wig. All screaming and coming after her. Lilith wake up.

Homer wake up early to see Lilith already working on breakfast. — With all this energy, you might as well be a field nigger, Homer say. Lilith say nothing. Lilith stay in her corner and peel yam and potatoes, cut up fruits, boil vegetables, scrub the floor on her knees and clean out Massa Humphrey mother’s chamber pot. Lilith working hard in the mother room and when she run out of things to do she do them over. When she come back down to the kitchen Lilith so tired that she barely notice that one and two womens quick to step out of her way. She turn to grab the washbucket and see womens look away from her quick. One of the mens come in with a bunch of banana and leave it far off in the corner for Lilith to pick up herself. Lilith look to see if Homer looking. She go up to the mistress room and stay long because the mistress blank face is the only one in Montpelier that don’t have no judgement in it. Lilith working like mule until she so tired she can’t even move. Lilith on the kitchen floor sleeping until Homer drag her to her mat.

In deep night, Lilith wake up. But then she see her and rage fly up in her head. She grab the nearest thing to fling at the dark woman in the corner, a silver plate that wear down and rusty now. As she go to fling it, the woman not there anymore. Lilith cry till she cough. Then she stop all of a sudden to check if anybody hearing her through the dark.

She hear a whimpering and know is not her. Then a scream. Then the smell of burnin’ flesh, sour like dirty hair and stink like roasting goat. Lilith feeling sweat run down her face or mayhaps it was tears running without her say-so. Francine dead in her place and in the most wickedest way. Three man too but all she can see is the girl. But which nigger would make choice to take that punishment? Lilith is not Homer, a woman who look like she would have dignity if death come for her. She hate herself for being frighten like any nigger girl. She want to forget her name. Francine ash come all the way up from Kingston and settle down on her, Lilith can feel it. She try to think of true womanness and true darkness but neither come from thinking. A girl killed in the most cruelest way. And two baby. Two baby who was goin’ grow up wicked anyway. Two baby.

She go outside. The moon shy tonight, only showing half her face. Lilith walking to where she think the cave of the six womens be, but frown when she remember Callisto and Gorgon and Pallas. But maybe they have the potion, the magic, the spell to make a woman forget. Something stronger than the most secret tea. She turn to go to them, but stop. They goin’ want to know what she trying to forget. Homer in particular. Lilith walking the estate and seeing the fields. Before too long, be crop time when the negroes work night and day. She fearing the Johnny-jumpers but she hoping too. Maybe she should get punishment and maybe they would deal with her body the way nobody know to deal with her head. Just then when she looking over the field, she see something jumping up and down, rising above the bush, then down, and then above again. Lilith run to hide behind a old cart. She hear before she see who. The sound of hoof on dirt. A horse. A dark horse with a rider to match. Lilith go to scream but catch her mouth. Nigger know all ’bout creature of darkness riding horseback at night. But then the rider yell at the horse and the dark hat, dark coat and dark boots show who, even as the shadow under the hat hide the face. She gallop through the gate and gone.

Miss Isobel.