The Book of Night Women

20

BAD FEELING IS A COUNTRY NO WOMAN WANT TO VISIT. SO they take good feeling any which way it come. Some time that good feeling come by taking on a different kinda bad feeling. Near three month now, first every day, then three time or twice a week, then whenever she wish, Miss Isobel leave the plantation, riding out on horseback on a real saddle, like a man. Most night, Lilith awake and outside hiding behind bush even though sometimes several day pass and she don’t see her. There was a spell, almost for two fortnight, when she seem to stop altogether, but then she start up again one week in September and start back in earnest. Sometimes the sky so bright with moon colours that Lilith see that she wearing man clothes. Massa Humphrey’s, mayhaps. Lilith then go back to the kitchen and wait till Miss Isobel come back. Sometime Lilith drop asleep, only to jerk herself back up. Most time Miss Isobel come back just as the sun start peek up in the sky.

Lilith have a hard day’s work ahead of her, so she start. Lilith work so hard that Homer say she must be missing her days at Coulibre. Sometimes in the early morning she see Robert Quinn. Sometimes Robert Quinn see her before she see him. Them times she would back away from the window and watch him face. Quinn stop taking care of him hair these days and he belly start to poke in front of him, but him jaw still strong and him eye still bright like a cat. He would look in the kitchen window for a while, then turn and go off, the horse waiting as the field slaves file down the road. Lilith know why they marching so. This be October 1, the first day of crop time, and five months later when all this finish, at least a fifth goin’ be dead.

Even white man come to crop time in fear and trembling. The overseer shout louder, the slave-driver drive harder, the Johnny-jumper whip longer and the negroes work they fingers down to a stump. The massa worry himself till he fool and like the field negroes he don’t sleep. Most time the field negroes work all through the night cutting cane, trashing the leaves, dodging rat and snake, and piling the cane together to send to the mill. Crop time is where the slave reap the cane and the massa reap the money. The overseer too, with his commission of every hogshead over one hundred twenty. On Montpelier, crop time is what keep the estate going. Next to rumor of rebellion, crop time is the only time a white man lose sleep.

— How much worm you catch this morning?

Lilith jump. Homer step in the kitchen, wearing the blue dress that she put on to go out. Lilith clutch her chest trying to settle herself.

— You heading out somewhere?

— Into town with Massa Quinn, he want some drapery and things to make him house look decent and since he don’t have no white woman company, me be the next best thing.

— What ’bout the breakfast and luncheon?

— You used to cook at Coulibre and nobody never dead. At least not from that.

— What you mean?

— Me don’t mean a thing, girl chile, other than you can cook the food and manage a kitchen, so do the two of them like we woman always call to do.

— Them not goin’ hear me. You see how they all treatin’ me like leper. You can’t say you no see it too.

— On the contrary—

— What that mean?

— It mean on the contrary. Something tell me you not goin’ suffer no difficulty.

— But—

— Butt is what you get from goat. Can’t keep backra waiting when him deh on haste. Homer put on her blue bonnet and step through the door. She stand up outside long time and wait. Lilith look at her. — Do you work and stop watch me back, Lilith, Homer say even though she didn’t turn around once. Lilith step away from the window.

Near a hour later, Lilith step timid-like into Massa Humphrey room to see Miss Isobel fast asleep. Lilith set the tray of food down on the table by the window and pull back the curtains.

— What de bloodcloth! Blow it out! Blow it out, Miss Isobel say, half into the pillow, and half into the air. — The curtains, the curtains, curse you, Miss Isobel say.

Lilith draw the curtains and darkness sweep over the room again. Lilith see man clothes on the floor, white blouson, white breeches and black boots messed up with mud and grass. They peep out from a white sheet that messed up with mud also. She pick up the breeches and it smell like a drunk man, with liquor, tobacco and something she can’t fathom. She pick up the sheet, which smell the same, with marks that look like hands all over it. Miss Isobel in the bed, her back to Lilith. A knock on the door wake her up good.

— Isobel? Isobel, it is I, Massa Humphrey say.

That give Miss Isobel a start. She roll over the bed quick to check the ground and gasp. She look up at Lilith with the clothes in her hand.

— Isobel? Massa Humphrey say.

Miss Isobel and Lilith look at each other for a long time, her hair down and flowing over her shoulders. Lilith take off her apron and wrap the drunken clothes. Miss Isobel still looking at her.

— Isobel, may I enter, Massa Humphrey say.

— A minute, if you please, a minute, Miss Isobel say.

The two womens look at the boots. Lilith kick the pair under the bed. Miss Isobel set up in the bed.

— Come in, Miss Isobel say.

Massa Humphrey step in with him shirt untuck and no boots on. The massa step with long stride first, but when he see Lilith, he stop and move slower.

— Really, Master Wilson, I’d sooner take you for a common peasant.

— My apologies, Miss Isobel. My concern for your well being, well, . it overrides my attention to decorum. Leave us, he say to Lilith.

— Stay. She was just about to hand me my breakfast tray, Miss Isobel say. Lilith set the bundle on the floor, grab the tray and put it on the bed over Miss Isobel lap.

— Well, it does my heart good see you eat, Miss Isobel.

— Three hurrahs for your heart, then. Now you may go, Miss Isobel say to Lilith.

Outside, Lilith linger for a little bit. Long enough to hear Massa Humphrey say, I will not, Isobel. Lilith turn to go downstairs but slip in the room next door.

— I am nothing more than your trifle, your Creole courtesan, then, Miss Isobel say.

— I must entreat—

— Oh, will you quit speaking so pompous, Humphrey, your head will soon explode.

— Pompous? Pompous! My dear woman, are you aware that when you speak you—

— Have a little of the colony in me? Yes, Humphrey, yes, ’tis like a taint on my own damn blood, if you must know.

— I will not take advantage of someone grieving—

— I do not need to be comforted, Humphrey Wilson, I need to be fucked. Rutted like a common cow. Does that shock you? Are you quite horrified? Do you find me improper? Why should you? You made me this way and now I’m nothing but a leper to you. Is that what you want to hear? Do you really wish to know how base I can be, Humphrey? I’m sick of feeling like an orphan — even a whore’s lot is better then mine. I would kill my family again to swap grief for pleasure!

— Isobel! You’re not making sense—

— You’re the one not making sense, you hypocrite.

— I. . I shall return when you’re civil.

— Return when you’re hard, I have no use for anything civil.

Massa Humphrey storm through the door and leave it open. Lilith pass Miss Isobel door to see her pouring something from a metal flask into her tea, then gulping the whole thing down like a thirsty nigger. After midnight, Miss Isobel gone out riding again, this time with no moonlight or clouds to show the way. She wearing the man clothes, the same clothes Lilith wash and dry and put back in the room that afternoon while Miss Isobel act like she sleeping.

The next morning Homer up before Lilith.

— Lawdy to clawdy, ah tired! Homer say when she see Lilith coming into the kitchen.

— Tired from what? Lilith say, trying not to act surprised.

— Tired from honest living, she say. Massa Quinn take me all over Kingston yesterday, to shop after shop after shop. Me’d almost think me shopping with the mistress if he didn’t know so little ’bout drapery. Two time the man pick up osnaburg cloth and ask if it can make curtain. Me have to remind him that only nigger wear osnaburg. And now me and the womens have curtain to make. Them teach you how to make curtain at Coulibre?

— No.

— Too bad. Could use another hand. Massa Quinn look like he in a haste.

— In a haste for what?

— That be him own business. But I tell you this, the way Massa Robert fixin’-fixin’ up the little overseer house, you’d think he expecting a wife.

One night Lilith still awake from working, but this be different work. The great house dark except for a dim lamp Lilith holding up with her right hand, that colour the walls orange. She set the lamp on a table outside the bedroom door and step in. Miss Isobel lying in the bed and the only sound in the night be her breathing. Lilith set down the boots that she polish and shine herself, and leave. The next morning, she go back to the bedroom early and grab up the same boots, now soiled with mud, and the same man clothes on the floor that stinking up the room. Miss Isobel fast asleep but on the floor, peeking out from under the bed, be the metal flask. Lilith pick it up slow and careful-like and twist the cap off. She smell it and frown, closing it back quick. The something-else smell, the thing that all over the stinking clothes was in the flask too. Whatever it be and whatever Miss Isobel do, taking care of her was Lilith work now. She didn’t know how much work a nigger must do to forget. How long a nigger must work until she feel debt pay or punishment enough.

Massa Humphrey learn to treat Miss Isobel bedroom like a whole ’nother house. He don’t go in there much no more and when he do, he don’t stay long. At one point he ask Homer where Robert Quinn be and she remind him that is crop time. Oh, yes, massa say and touch him lip. Little time later, Massa Humphrey on horseback galloping down to the cane field. Homer at the window seeing them ride back together, slow-like, with the horses trotting. Massa Humphrey burst out laughing and slap Robert Quinn on the shoulder. Robert Quinn laugh too. When Massa Humphrey come back through the kitchen, he look ’pon Lilith for a good while with one eyebrow raise. He step to her, then stop, then turn and gone ’bout him business. Couple nigger notice. Lilith don’t look at them, but stare out of the window until she sure they not looking at her. Her palm sweaty, she know.

Night time come and Lilith in the cellar, her nerves worse. She think about what she can do now that them find out her secret. Lilith wonder when he was goin’ strike her again, Massa Humphrey. She wonder how he find out about her and why he taking so long to beat her. Lilith sweating on this and remember something Homer say about when a puss catch a bird. The massa was looking at her all queer-like, so why not come to her that very instant and beat the lying out her frame? But he be white man, after all. Taking they good time to move in for the kill is they most favourite thing. Lilith tell herself she don’t care, she dead from the day she born.

Lilith look around the kitchen. She blind in the dark, but know where everything be. She know where the knife keep. She know where Homer keep the razor to shave Massa Humphrey, like she do most Sunday. A house nigger deal with herself that way one time and Homer say that if you cut across your wrist right you don’t even feel pain, but a slower kind of feeling, like when you smoke certain bush.

Down in the cellar Lilith think of blood and on the cellar floor, Mistress Roget blood spread like wings. Mistress Roget eye open wide and she scream hellfire. Lilith shake her head out of it. White man God say vengeance is mine and he always ready to judge the quick and the dead. The night woman don’t come back no more. Maybe she be neither Anansi or the Abarra but the Ogun, who Homer say negro womens must never talk ’bout. Homer make Ogun sound like man, but maybe Ogun pretty and terrible and shift like hot wind, a she not a he, who always and never the same.

Then Lilith see blood on her hands and have a start. She run upstairs and buck her toe on the step. Lilith run into the kitchen, feeling her way through the space that she know. By the counter under the window, the open barrel of water be where it always be. She scrub her hands in the barrel. Then she cup some water in her hand and bury her face. The coldness snap Lilith right down her back. The splashing make noise and she didn’t hear the first step. But she hear the second. And the third. Lilith run over to other end of the kitchen, dodging pot and pans that hanging above and banana bunches that lie on the floor. Four and five step. Too late to run down the stairs back to the cellar. Lilith run into the darkest corner and make herself like shadow.

Sixth step. In the room. Miss Isobel yellow hair push up in a hat. She wearing man tails and man breeches that too loose on her hip and boots. Lilith look at Miss Isobel face and see a mask, shiny like she coming from a costume ball. Miss Isobel halt. Lilith still. Lilith pushing herself in the corner trying to make herself smaller. Between Lilith and Miss Isobel be the counter in the center of the kitchen. Miss Isobel turn to the door and let herself out.

The next morning Lilith rise again and go to the kitchen. The sun don’t rise yet and not even cock crowing. As she reach the top step, she stop. In the kitchen be Homer at the table, and making noise as he drinking tea be Robert Quinn.

— Speak of the devil, massa, Homer say.

— Aye, lass, the person I’ve been expecting, Robert Quinn say.

Lilith perplex.

Robert Quinn gargling the tea.

— Massa Quinn, he have good news for you, girl chile. Good, good news, Homer say, but the smile come too late and go too early. Lilith don’t like the look of it.

— Massa Quinn come for you belongings. You goin’ live with him now, girl chile.

21

EVEN THE DIRTIEST, SMELLIEST POOREST, MOST GODFORSOOK, black teeth, worthless Cockney bastard know that white skin carry God power. White people say something to that sort all the time. Usually is planter and other rich white man talking ’bout they fellow white man who poorer, who come to Jamaica and see that there be nothing like danger in black flesh to make all white man realise they have the same standing. Good money wagering that this not be how things go back in the London, or Liverpool, or Birmingham or whatever ham or hell the white man come from. But even fool-fool white man know that he worth something as soon as he take foot in the West Indies.

The truth be this. They’s scared of the negroes. They scared of the arms that can grab three stalk of cane in one grip and chop it straight through with one swing. They scared of the fingers that sprinkle something in the soup that might be pepper today, poison tomorrow. They scared that the hand that can wring a chicken neck can wring a lady neck. They scared that what between negro man leg goin’ battering ram up in white woman and leave her loose with niggerkin, and ruin her. They scared that deep in the blackest pussy more bewitching than opium.

There be thirty-three negro for every white in Jamaica. And when most of them negroes be Ashanti, there goin’ be more hataclaps in the colony than in hell itself. 1702: Rebellion in the east county, not far from Montpelier. 1717: Twelve rebellion in the east and west, so much so that the king send more militia to the colony and they didn’t leave. 1722: Slave rebellion in Montego Bay so bad that the governor have to send for the Mosquito Indians to fight the negroes. By now, the negroes take to fleeing to the hills and joining the Maroons. Maroon take residence and beat the British so much they turn fool. 1734: Rebellion. The backra sack Nanny Town. 1738: Rebellion. 1739: Rebellion. 1740: Rebellion. 1745: The plot to kill all the whites. 1746: Rebellion. 1758: Rebellion. 1760: The worsest rebellion under Tacky — sixty whites and four hundred blacks get killed. 1765: Rebellion. 1766: Rebellion. 1771: Militia discover a new slave plot and find there be five hundred negroes plotting. 1777: Rebellion. 1782: Rebellion.

White man know that there never be a safe day in the colony. So they whip we. One hundred, two hundred, three hundred lash and whatever number come after that. They burn they mark with hot iron on you chest, breast or arse cheek. They chop off a foot if you run away, a hand if they think you thief and a balls if they showing you a lesson. They derby-dose you, stuff you mouth with nigger shit and wire it shut until you swallow it. They beat you if you sick, they beat you if you well. They make a well man sick. They shoot you in the head if the cane don’t cut right, they shoot you in the arse if you not moving with haste. They step on you after the whipping and rub salt pickle, lime juice and bird pepper in the wound until you cry blood. They make one negro piss in another negro eye or mouth. They rub molasses on a naked negro so that fly set ’pon him in the day and mosquito take over in the night.

They take a mama new young’un and kill it in front of the mama. They take a mama new young’un and give it to other negro to suckle. They take a mama new young’un and sell it before it reach six.

They say black woman titty lank like goat and black man head low like rooster. They say you lazy, lying, thiefing, lusty, savage, wicked, ungodly, stink, rank, sweaty, vile, stupid, backward, sickly, worthless and brutish. They say you eat negro flesh, drink negro blood and rutt you own father, mother, brother and sister. Then they look at you breast and watch they own crotch rise. They work you from before sunrise to after sundown and in crop time, through the night.

They takes you from the Africa. Plenty negro born on the estate, but in 1800 plenty negro still come from the Africa. They pile six hundred negro in the ship beside and on top of each other, lying down with a chain on they foot for three months. They take the negro out and talk to them in a tongue they don’t understand and wash they shit and rankness off with sea water and whip two or three for amusement. People think the Igbo negro fool, but the Igbo have sense to wait until they take up all the negroes on deck for cleaning and whipping, and he or she would tip over the edge of the ship and drown and take the baby too. Six hundred negro sail from the Africa, four hundred negro living when the ship dock. Lilith have a quilt on her back, but there be a bigger quilt, a patchwork of negro bones that reach from the Africa to the West Indies.

But sometime, a negro get tired of white man stomping so he grab the foot, twist and break it. Sometime a negro say, Enough done be enough now.

The year of our lord, 1784. December. Jack Wilkins get correspondence that a Coromantee nigger they call Bacchus run away to the swamp. Rage fly up in Jack Wilkins’ face that get red like annatto. He storm into the dining room where Massa and Mistress Wilson taking tea and say one rude nigger gone take it ’pon himself to run away and this is what happen when they look at a white man and see only weakness. The massa look down on the ground, but the mistress say that if Jack Wilkins so strong, then he should get going and catch the negro, since they don’t pay overseers two hundred pounds a year to stand up and chat about how brutish a man of lower birth like him can be. Jack Wilkins storm out of the house with him face redder.

Jack Wilkins get more correspondence from the same house nigger that Bacchus be seen on the west end of the swamp, waiting for sunset to flee. Jack Wilkins head to the bush and see Bacchus right away standing in the swamp with grass that tall like tree, and tree that swinging with green vine, and vine that swimming in the swamp river that giggle and gurgle. The sun setting and sometimes light slip past a tree branch and stun Jack Wilkins. Jack Wilkins coming, but Bacchus not running, not at all. Jack Wilkins cursing ’bout how he going chop Bacchus member off, but Bacchus still standing, up to him calf in swamp water. Jack Wilkins ’bout ten or twelve paces from Bacchus and uncoil the whip. Bacchus smile. Jack Wilkins crack the whip but the swamp tree too plenty and every time he swing the whip, it coil round a branch. Jack Wilkins struggling to pull the whip and making noise in the water. But Bacchus quiet like a mouse.

Cronos even quieter.

Jack Wilkins didn’t see Cronos until a big black hand wrap round him neck and start to choke him. Jack Wilkins push back and the two of them stumble into the water. Wilkins trying to pull off Cronos’ hand but Cronos too strong. Cronos squeeze down on Wilkins’ neck as if he goin’ crush it before Wilkins strangle. The whole swamp hearing the sound of him splashing in the water and coughing cause he can’t breathe. Wilkins hand flay and flay until he manage to pull out the musket he keep on him chest. The gun damp but not wet. Wilkins manage to push the musket up under Cronos’ chin and pull the trigger. One click, then nothing. Cronos laugh. — Jus’ like a backra, fi have gun that can’t shoot, he say. Cronos choking Wilkins and swinging him around like a dolly. Wilkins look like all blood squeeze into him head and soon bust. Wilkins try again, two, three time, he try so hard that he didn’t know that Cronos dead until blood start flowing down him white cheek. Cronos’ death grip tighter than the strangle and Wilkins make great effort to push the nigger off. But musket only have one shot, and Bacchus know.

By now, plenty slave out surrounding the swamp and watching. Just watching. Nobody come in the swamp, but stay outside, just watching. Wilkins stumble and try to run but the water too shifty, the mud too deceiving and the trees too plenty. He turn west but Bacchus chasing after him.

— I’s gone kill you, you bombocloth! I’s gone chops off you cocky and cut you a new-fangle pussyhole! Bacchus say.

Wilkins push him off and run. Bacchus swing the cutlass but strike a tree. Wilkins running to the setting sun, but the west is deep water. — Come back, backra! Come get you judgement, Bacchus say. Wilkins run and stumble. Wilkins cry out for help but none of the negroes move. All the negroes watch. Wilkins cry out for help again and promise double portion of food to the slave that help. The negroes watch. Wilkins can’t see no face. He turn around and Bacchus jump him. They twist and turn and roll and struggle like two crocodile. Bacchus swing the ’lass and slice Wilkins right near the knee. Wilkins try to grab Bacchus’ throat but him neck slippery. Bacchus set down the cutlass in the water and grab Wilkins’ neck. Bacchus push Wilkins under the water so far that only him legs be kicking and splashing. Wilkins kicking and Bacchus still have him under the water. Wilkins make one last kick and hit Bacchus square in the balls and Bacchus yell and fall back in the water. While Bacchus groaning and clutching him belly, Wilkins find the cutlass. The baby crocodiles wake up to the smell of man blood. The whole fight take twenty minutes or so. Only one man come from the swamp. Jack Wilkins take Bacchus’ chop-off head and go straight back into the dining room, where he slam it on the table right in the massa plate. The mistress swoon and the massa throw up.

— This is law and order according to the tropics, Jack Wilkins say.

Later that night he shove Bacchus’ head on a stick and plant the stick right in front of the slave quarters, where Bacchus stay until he rot off. Knowing who Bacchus’ sister be, a house slave who not yet fourteen, he drag her from great house to the stable, where he rape her and leave him seed in her. Eight month later, in a birth that kill the mama, come a girl black like pitch with the prettiest green eyes anybody ever done see. Word was that Wilkins see the girl lifeblood on the ground, making the way from the boiling house to the midwifery, get full up with pity when he hear she dead, and put Lilith to live with Circe and Tantalus the mad nigger, under a sort of arrangement that make Circe all but a free nigger. That was the last good deed Jack Wilkins do for the rest of him life.

From that day in the swamp Jack Wilkins carry two musket. Many slave take the heed, but some stay spirited. One of the little boys that the massa was teaching to ride pull a knife on him and scrape him cheek a little. Jack Wilkins have him gibbeted for attacking a Christian. Two negro slave run away to go live with the Maroon negroes in the mountain, but when Jack Wilkins set the dogs after them, they leave only pieces of meat to eat later.

But even negro woman was showing sass. They talk back and they act poorly and they mimic the mistress. Plenty get whipped, two or three get chop, one get gibbet and one get red-hot iron poker ram up her pussy, which kill her in one day. Wilkins tell the massa that it lookin’ like he weak and if he keep up in this fashion the negroes was goin’ soon rebel like they do in the east county and kill every white man within three hundred miles. Wilkins say they must teach the negroes a lesson.

That Saturday, the negroes get the learning. In the morning when the womens washing before they go to the field, Wilkins ride up and grab Leto, a girl who not be sixteen yet. Leto scream. One hour or so later he summon all the slave to one of the empty fields. — This is what happen to you when you cross with your master! Jack Wilkins say. In the middle of the field was bundles of stick and bush. In the middle of the bundle was a tree trunk. Tied to the tree trunk was Leto who screaming, pleading and crying. Jack Wilkins wave him hand and a Johnny-jumper come with a burnin’ stick. Behind the negroes go the sound of click. White slave-driver and black slave-driver all pointing gun so that nobody can even turn away. The only choice was to close the eye and hear the scream, the likes of which nobody hear before or again. The only choice was to hear the scream and pray she catch fire quick and knock out and wait until the grounds full with the smell of burnin’ negro.

Montpelier negroes behave after that. The estate get good name for having the most docile negroes and even the Coromantees learn to be obedient. They behave even after the massa die and Jack Wilkins get replace and they behave good now with Massa Humphrey and Robert Quinn. But some fire don’t go out, they go quiet under the ash, waiting for one little dry stick to feed. So the white man sleep with one eye open, waiting for the fire next time.

That fire coming.

22

LILITH SET DOWN HER BELONGINGS AND WATCH THE MORNING rise on the curtain and colour the room red. Robert Quinn house change plenty since the last time she be there, but that was in the night, so she not really sure. But she remember looking out the window and seeing sky, so the red curtain must be new. The floor clean and there seem to be one or two new chair in the house. The wall wear down from old age so they look grey. Two paintings still on the wall and a map that say Jamaica. Lilith remember the table and she remember him sitting on it, with him eyebrow raise, trying to get to the bottom of what she all about.

— Since I have no wish to dine with the Wilsons, I expect a hearty supper when I get back, he say to her as he leaving. She listen to the horse riding away from the house. Only she and the breeze left inside. Lilith stand still in place and don’t move for a long time. The house bigger than she remember. Lilith go down the corridor and find what supposed to be the bedroom, but the curtains draw and the room dark and hot like August night. She nearly stumble two time as she go over to the window. Lilith pull back the curtain and light rush in past her without permission. She can see the estate, the mountains and even the sea to the far west. She turn around and look about the room. The bed so big that there not be room for much else, and clothes all over the floor. She pick up all the boots — more than the massa — and match them, then set them in the closet. She pile all the dirty clothes outside the room and set to spreading the bed with new linen, linen that set aside on the chest of drawers on the other side of the room. The linen smell like the curtain, like perfume and new things. She use a old sheet to dust the room, then spread the bed with the new sheet that deep red like wine. The sunlight agree. The bedpost shine and the chest of drawer change from black to brown.

She leave the room and find another room on the other side that not bigger than the mistress closet. There she set her belongings. In another room down by the corridor be a trunk and old clothes and horseshoes and other things man put in house when no woman be there to say no. There she find bucket. Half day later, the whole house spotless. Lilith set down her blankets on the kitchen floor and go about with the cooking, killing a chicken from the pen and cooking it down in salt, pepper, thyme, ginger and green pawpaw, a trick she learn from Homer.

It dark before Robert Quinn come home. He look around the house couple time and eat the food hearty, but say nothing. Lilith standing by the wall and quiet. Robert Quinn kick out a chair from under the table and point to it for Lilith to sit. Lilith still until he point again. She move to the chair.

— You’ll need a plate, he say.

Night come heavy and Lilith washing dish in a half barrel with water. She look outside the window and think she see a star dash through the sky. She look again until she feel a cold hand on her shoulder. The hand move down her arm and grab her wrist. Robert Quinn take Lilith into the bedroom. Lilith stop for a little, but he pull her. Outside pitch black save for the little dots of light coming from the slave huts, that look like a bunch of firefly holding still.

Robert Quinn behind her. He pull the lace in the front of the dress and hold on her titties, hard at first but then softer, rubbing them and squeezing them. Lilith frighten but feel woman shouldn’t show fear. Lilith feel the cold air on herself. Woman must come to man like she like it. He pull down the dress first, but then pull it back up. He lift up the dress this time right up to under her arm and Lilith can feel breeze ride up from her leg to her back. She still. She can hear him undressing behind her. He kick away a boot and she jump. Slow-like, he push her on the bed, but grab her by the hips and hoist her arse up. Cold air wet Lilith thighs. This goin’ commence, surely. Lilith set still like woman, like her heart not pounding through her chest. Robert Quinn grab her arse and push himself in her pussy and Lilith yelp. Lilith head in the bed and not knowing what she feeling. Quinn feel rough and thick like him shoulders be and Lilith don’t know if she supposed to feel it hurting a little. She try to imagine the face that making the man sounds she hearing. He grab her hips tighter. Lilith look out the window to watch the lights, but then she feel what Homer call the everlasting tickle. Lilith moan and wonder where the moaning come from. She feel a little shame and she feel a little pain, that a wicked woman mustn’ feel good. But she feel the tickle growing inside her. The two of them making sound like neither could believe it, on and on like stopping would be the wickedest thing. Robert Quinn lean on her back, wetting her dress with him sweat. He wrap him hand round her waist and start to fuck her faster. Him saying things that sound like Irish speak. They moving like a two cog in the mill and Lilith never hear such a sound coming from a white man voice before. Like he weeping or laughing gentle. That be what please her the most, more than even the sexing, and it shame her as it sweet her and she try to hold on to hating Robert Quinn. The sweat rising on her skin make her dress feel cool and loose. She trembling little but not like him, he make more and more noise and he grab her shoulder and start to ram her one, two, three and four times, then he pull out. He moan louder, even though he not in her anymore. Then he still and breathing hot breath into her back. He hold her for a long time. That frighten her more than the fuckin’. She was expecting something different, something with more pain, big pain that punish her for her wickedness. But he didn’t give her pain at all, other than little bit that she try to remember but it gone. Then he break away and climb into the bed. Lilith looking at what just go up inside her and it swing thick and bouncy like it be ’bout it own business and don’t care ’bout nobody. It look like him. Robert Quinn roll over till him back be to her. Lilith stand there for a long time, trying to hold on to hating Robert Quinn. She go back to her room.

Lilith wake up early and leave Quinn’s house, run through the great-house kitchen and upstairs to Miss Isobel room. She grab the man clothes on the floor and take them away before Miss Isobel wake up. She look at Miss Isobel for a little while and wonder if the miss feel the same way when she lay with the massa secret-like, or if she was to expect more. She think to talk to Homer but something about Robert Quinn make it feel wrong to talk about it, or to take it, make joke. Plus, she did like the feeling, is just that Homer and every other nigger make it feel that fuckin’ was like talking to God and hearing an answer. Lilith wake up thinking something would tell her that she be woman now, but that didn’t happen. Something already tell her that she was woman now, something that come to her in the sour smell of a white man yellow hair.

Lilith go down to the brook and wash Miss Isobel man clothes. She hang up the blouson and breeches and head to the kitchen, but then she think about what she doing. She live in other house now, with other master. She taking care of new man now. Taking care of new man. How wicked man must be to enter a woman like a thief and rob her womanness away from her. She know she must hold on to hating Robert Quinn. Only worthless nigger make a fuck turn her into fool. But plenty womens get fooled, even Homer one time. Lilith think of her back and she think of him and how the night before he couldn’t even look at the scars he cause. And yet plenty man, white and black, do worse to her than Robert Quinn. And when him hand did touch her pussy bush she think ’bout him being her master forever even if that be only while they was rutting. No, fucking. No, rutting like animal, like the animal all white man think black woman be. But he say something when he coming and he hold on to her so weak like she be the master and is all he can do to hold on. He call her lovey. Lovey. Lilith run back to the overseer house. She break some eggs in the pan and fry them up. She take some corned pork out of a barrel and wash the salt off. That she throw in a pot too. In another pot, she brewing comfrey tea, which she learn from Homer that he like. Robert Quinn groan and step into the room. He see Lilith and stun for a minute, like he don’t know why she there. Then he look down and see that he naked. He turn quick to go back to the bedroom, but then stop and turn, and raise him chin, but don’t look at her. Lilith lookin’ at him. — Tea, he say and Lilith hand him a mug full with comfrey tea and drop two thick spoonful of molasses in it.

— How did you kn—

— Homer, Lilith say.

— Aye, Robert Quinn say.

Robert Quinn walk over to the window. Lilith look at the man who was inside her the night before. He shorter than Massa Humphrey but thicker and hairier. Him shoulder wide and broader with him shirt off and black hair rest on him back. Him legs thick with hair also and him arse that he scratching tight like he do plenty hard work. An Irishman don’t look like a Englishman, not even Massa Humphrey, who look more strapping than she suppose an Englishman would be.

But he didn’t take off her clothes even though he was naked. Lilith think of her back and the big scars left from whipping. She feel sorry for him but hate him same time since he be the cause. He be the one that drag her out to get whip, and who stand there while slave-driver and Johnny-jumper whip her, and who count each lash till it be enough. But that hate always threaten to pass, quicker than she wish. When he turn around and him Irishman dangle up and down like it have other plans, she laugh. Maybe Homer right, she think, maybe a cock just be the second version of a man that he keep in him breeches. Robert Quinn cock be like Robert Quinn. Thick and stocky and maybe mighty, judging from the way barmaid and field niggerwoman both used yell out from behind him room door. But Lilith didn’t scream out or bawl out, just moan little, then a lot, and the thought of that make her back itch. She go back to watching it flop and bounce all over the sitting room and chuckle so much that she had to remind herself that she hate him. He throw himself down in the armchair and Lilith watch it flop up and down on him belly like a dog resting on him master. She look up and see him grinning at her. She remind herself that she supposed to hate him. She wish she could see her back in a looking glass. Anything.

Lilith didn’t know that is so often man want it. She also didn’t know that the time come to pass when she want it too. That surprise her in a way that she couldn’t tell Homer. So Homer fish it out of her.

— So how you like woman things? Homer say couple day later when Lilith in the kitchen helping her make lunch.

— Me was woman before whatever you talking ’bout, Lilith say.

— No. You did have darkness but not womanness. You still have that darkness, though, Homer say.

— I don’t have no darkness ’bout me, me sick of people thinking me carrying wickedness, Lilith say.

— Well, throw stone in pigpen and who bawl out is who it lick, Homer say.

— You go on with you double talk, Lilith say.

— Twice and thrice, Homer say. So, Robert Quinn fuck you good?

— Homer!

— Lawdy to clawdy, is shyness set ’pon you now?

— I don’t have nothing to say ’bout Robert Quinn.

— Raas! So him fuck you sweet, then.

— Me think me like you more before you mouth and you pussy turn friend.

— Me and my pussy was never enemy. Just me and stupid woman who think pussy have power. Take power over the cocky. Then you have power.

— You never had to do that.

— Things change, but man don’t. You good to remember that now that you have Robert Quinn right where you want him.

— I don’t know what you chatting ’bout now. He is the massa second man. Plus, me hate the man, him same one make them whip me. Hope pox kill all of them.

— Really, now. You full of fire this morning. Still, though, hate and love be closer cousin than like and dislike.

— Mayhaps you read too much damn book.

— Mayhaps is time you learn how to have power over them kinda man. We meeting tonight. Is like two year pass in the two months you gone.

— Unu still meet? That must be one big book.

— Stop play fool, you know full well what we was meeting ’bout when we come every night to fix you back.

— I don’t know.

— Me not asking twice.

Lilith walking down the hallway with her bosom push up like she proud, thinking ’bout what Homer say about her having power, but when she see Miss Isobel she sink again. Lilith step into the doorway leading to the conservatory and watch her walk past. Miss Isobel look like she falling apart and pulling together at the same time and Lilith think about her own hand with Miss Isobel family blood on it. Days pass, month pass, yet Lilith couldn’t tell if she getting better or worse or what better or worse supposed to look like. Miss Isobel walking to the living room and swinging so hard she stop two time to stand up straight. She almost run into a vase before Massa Humphrey catch her. Massa Humphrey try to take the flask out of her hand, but she hold on to it tight and yell and wouldn’t let go. He pull and she curse and try to slap him with the other hand. Massa yank the flask away but it slip from him and fall to the ground. She run after the flask and scoop it up like a dropped baby.

— What in blazes has taken over you? Massa Humphrey say.

— Judgement, Miss Isobel say. Massa Humphrey try to take the bottle again but Miss Isobel slap him and run halfway up the stairs. She trip and land on the step hard. Massa Humphrey go over to pick her up but she push him away. Massa Humphrey hold her hands but she struggling still. She spit on him and he slap her face.

— Goddamn you! he say and get up.

— Goddamned indeed, she say as she pull herself up and stagger the rest of the way. Then she stop. Massa Humphrey look at her.

— I’ll need to be taken care of, Humphrey Wilson. I’m without a future. You and God have seen to that, Miss Isobel say.

Night time come heavy, like a woman ready for baby dropping. Lilith watching the moon in Robert Quinn bedroom window. She wait as it sail from east to west. West was when to move. Homer teach her things about being a woman and she teach the Irishman. So after Robert Quinn climb on top of her and fuck her and she say it good so much that she realise that it really good after all, she roll him over like a baby about to get him nappy change. He say what a man say and do what a man do, like he will not stand for perversion and lecherous-ness and decadence and other sort of big word that Lilith don’t care to understand. But she learn what man think he know, when a no mean yes. Man can never tell the difference if they reasoning with they cock, but a woman know. A woman know when a man’s no mean not yet or not now or not in that way, or not until me drunk or not until me too tired to pretend me care. So Robert Quinn noooooo turn into ohhhh as soon as she take him Irishman in her mouth.

— You goin’ own him after that, Homer did promise. He goin’ hate you for taking the power, but he goin’ love you too ’cause giving up power never sweet a man so.

Is like he turn into woman under her. On the bed he moan and moan and spread him legs wider and arch him back. Most time him head so far back that all Lilith see is Adam’s apple and chin. Other time he look at her and Lilith can’t tell if he bawling or laughing or something else. He grab her hair couple time but let go, him hand grabbing the sheet or clutching him head. She scoop up him balls and tug and he take to moaning most unmanly. Lilith picture herself as a mill, something that must do the same thing over and over, to keep her from stopping, for the way Quinn behaving stunning her out of her wits. So she suck everything into her mouth of him and how he taste. He sound like Massa Roget when a cool wash of warm water run down him back. But Quinn do more than oohing. He ahhing and ohhing and holy feckin’ Christing like the devil giving him something he not supposed to get. Lilith feel like there be Robert Quinn, right in her hand middle, and all she need to do is make a fist. But no. A man can breathe and sigh and moan and whimper and take over a woman by making she think she take over him.

Sexing sweet the Irishman so much that he take to cuddling her in the bed like she be white woman. She lie on top of him and let Quinn wrap him arm round her back. But then him skin touch her scars and they both realise what they touching. He flinch and she flinch too. Suddenly they turn back into slave and master and they both know. He look away. Mayhaps if she think of the whipping he give her, she’ll forget the wickedness she do to white people. Maybe wickedness match wickedness and clean her head out. She watch him face wither a little as him hand slide off her back and rest on her arse. Lilith look at him mouth that close and wonder if this is how they goin’ talk and no word would pass between them in the night, and maybe no word ever need to. She lie down on him chest. Him arms slip off her arse. The moon waiting in the west.

Lilith know where to find the cave this time. The cave is the same but the moon colour inside grey. She waiting for the cave to show magic, but it stubborn and stiff.

— Come in, Lilith, Homer say.

Lilith stand outside. Inside be the womens. Fire-hair Pallas, neck-scarf-wearin’ Iphigenia, tall, bony Hippolyta, one-eye Callisto and mad midget Gorgon.

— Is who bring dem fishy cunt in here? Gorgon say, but Lilith look at her and she back way into the dark.

As Lilith step past, inside something shoot by her and she jump. The knife jam into a tree root and bounce.

— Pardon. Think you was something else, say Callisto.

Lilith body still shaking but not her mouth.

— Aim little lower and maybe get the midget next time, Lilith say.

Lilith expect Gorgon to charge like roaring lion. But Gorgon don’t even look at her. Callisto look at her good, though. Lilith don’t like that, so she look round the cave. Smaller than she remember, but the table in the middle still big like it belong in a better house. Homer move over by the entrance and look out. The other womens settle by the table. Only three chair in the room, so Pallas, Iphigenia and Gorgon take them. Pallas have on her headwrap ever since Miss Isobel say her white woman hair make her ill. Iphigenia cover up from head to toe in her red frock with her scarf round her neck. Lilith wonder what kind of funk that woman work up when sweat run. Hippolyta go over by the other window and almost give Lilith a start. Is then she see that Hippolyta wearing black from head to foot, even a black bonnet. Over by the window, Hippolyta eye disappear in the dark. Lilith feel like rubbing her own eye. But Hippolyta didn’t look at her once. If she be the Abarra, then nobody know it, Lilith wonder.

— Every estate swift like a hawk but we, Homer say.

— What she doing here? Pallas ask.

Gorgon hiss.

— Gorgon, give the girl you seat. You don’t see she tired? Callisto say. Gorgon look as stun as Lilith and both lip gape open. The other womens say nothing as Lilith take Gorgon seat and Callisto stoop down beside her.

— Sunrise coming, Homer say.

— Pallas, Homer say and point. Pallas raise her two hand and the room go quiet. Callisto shoulder almost touch Lilith knee. Lilith squeeze her legs together but they touch Callisto anyway. She expect Callisto to turn round with her eye like a knife, but she don’t do nothing.

— Jackson Lands again. They hear that we adding one again, seven instead of six.

— What the bloodclaat? Nigger presuming to give me order ’bout number? Me have six plus one, all that mean is more ready for blood when the time come. Tell them to take speck out of they own eye first.

— Me not you one, Lilith say, almost like a whisper.

— You one already, backra killer, Callisto say, not wicked-like but meek, almost happy. Lilith don’t like it.

Then Pallas start sing. And the womens ululate with they tongue and stomp with they feet. The sound bounce from ground to top, from wall to wall and go out one passage and come through the other. Soon Gorgon and Callisto and Pallas jumping and singing. Lilith know what they singing and don’t know at the same time. She seeing some shadow jumping from the candlelight and some jumping a different way. Everybody singing, it seem, but Hippolyta. The voices die down and they sit down, except for Homer, who go over to the fire burnin’ in the corner and stir the boiling pot two time.

— Time to get in readiness, Homer say. — Time coming to judge the quick and the dead. Lilith, nothing you hear is to leave this place. If you fixing to tell it, the spirit will deal with you before you open you mouth.

Homer take the pot off the fire and put it on the table. Hippolyta put a bowl on the table that Lilith didn’t see before, a black bowl that look like wood with a lid that point up. The lid carve through with pattern that Lilith can’t make out. Homer pour some mixture from the pot into the bowl and Lilith watch the steam rise. The room get full with a bitterness that touch her tongue.

— Tefa, Homer say.

— Tefa, the womens say.

— Call the seventeen Odu, call the Osetura, Homer say.

— Call him, call him, the womens say.

— Osetura make one with the Meji Odu, Homer say.

— Omu Odu, witness creation. Raise the Omu Odu, the one and two hundred.

— This is the Ifa bowl, Homer say, looking at Lilith. From this one and two hundred spirit goin’ rise.

— Rise for what? Lilith say.

Homer look on her serious.

The womens talk for little more and then leave one by one. Gorgon almost scrape off her back the way she press ’gainst the cave so not to touch Lilith. Then Callisto get up and look at Lilith from head to toe. Then up and down again. Lilith want turn away bad. Callisto lookin’ her in the eye, she don’t smile but she don’t frown neither. The sun outside threatening to come up. Pallas leave, looking at Lilith, and Hippolyta leave, with Lilith looking at her. Tall, skinny, black dress and black bonnet. The room quiet with Homer and Lilith alone.

— What you working at? Lilith say. You six up to some mischief. Even when me was. . when Massa Humphrey. . anyway, you six doing something.

— Hmm. You niggers who didn’t come over ’pon the slave ship don’t know a damn thing, Homer say.

— That sound like an answer to you? Lilith say.

— Always too much sass with you. Too, too much sass.

— What you playing at, Homer?

— You still have scar on your back, Lilith?

— What you think?

— Well, since you be a thinking woman, you think you not goin’ get whip again? You think them not going beat you till they kill you or somebody else? You think them not goin’ rub salt and lime juice on you back? How long you think you goin’ go till they hang you for some foolishness?

— Homer? I. . I don’t know.

— Don’t be a fool. You damn well know. No black woman safe as long as white man alive. Plenty years me be here and that is the one thing that don’t change. This goin’ on long before you come this house and still goin’ on even when you gone to Coulibre. Set youself down, girl chile, and let me tell you something.

Lilith take her time to go back to Robert Quinn quarters but she still pant like she was running hard and long. She go into Quinn room and look at the man lying in the bed. She look at him head and the long black hair that cover most of him face. She study the overseer body, especially the hands that touch her softer now. She watch him shift and the black hair fall away from him face. Lilith think she see a grin for an instant. Whatever it be, she look at him and think about gentleness, about the strong hands that stop Massa Humphrey from killing her that night. Robert Quinn open him eye and smile. He take her hand and pull Lilith on to the bed. Lilith lying on her side with her back to him and he curl up behind her like a spoon and go back to sleep with him warm breathing down her neck and him hand between her thighs. Lilith listening to him breathe heavy. She feel the up and down of him chest on her back and him knees up under hers like she sitting in him lap. He mumble something but she didn’t hear.

Lilith eyes open wide and she hope he fall back asleep soon. Things like these was making Lilith forget that the white man be a monster. That is not what Homer want. Lilith remembering what Homer say right before, and the heaviness lick her so hard she feel she going fall right through the bed.

— You planning something. All me hear is what you want. Me no hear nothing ’bout how you and them niggers goin’ do it. Six tell six tell six, me arse. Tell them what? How-de-do?

— Chile, Irish cum juice block you ears? You hear anything people tell you?

— Homer? You mouth so—

— Me mouth being what a real nigger mouth must be. Don’t watch it. Watch what goin’ on round you. Planning was three years ago. Doin’ is what commencing now.

— We call the spirit of one and two hundred. One and two hundred spirit we calling on to help we in the journey.

— To where?

— Journey that be like the wind and the word, two thing that don’t come back.

— You talking even more foolishness than usual. Me don’t have time for perplexing nigger. Because if you want me in it—

— Every nigger done in it one way or the next. Even you, when you did still fool and a-chase after the massa, you did already in it.

— Me didn’t chase no—

— Enough. Learn this, and take it as God-swearing truth. We goin’ kill them, girl chile, every single white son of a bitch within hundred mile. We goin’ kill them all.

23

LILITH THINK TO TELL ROBERT QUINN ’BOUT MISS ISOBEL’S night riding. She don’t know why. Sometimes she feel to tell him everything. Like some of the things Homer say. But black skin have black secret and you don’t tell if you say you black. Robert Quinn gentle sometimes. One time he ask her how was her day and Lilith didn’t know what to say so she smile and he smile back. Two day after the womens meet in secret, he call her lassie. The day after that, the food so hot it burn him throat and he shout at her. But that night he didn’t fuck her, just pull her down on the bed and sleep with arms round her waist. Lilith didn’t sleep the whole night.

She start to doubt her true womanness. She wonder what kind of nigger she be and why her stomach don’t go sick every time the Irishman drop him drawers and suck her titties. She wonder what kind of nigger she be that turn fool every time Quinn take up lodging inside her. She no better than old niggerwomens who used to swear for Jack Wilkins. Lilith hate him, she know she do, she just didn’t know that hate was goin’ be just like what Homer say love be like. That she would have to guard it, lock it up in a pen like wild animal, for every chance hatred get, it flee. More times she have to just tell herself that she hate the man, she hate the man, she hate the man, goddamn.

He touch her back in him sleep. Lilith curse herself. She is the one who get whip but he is the one she feel sorry for. She must be the most crossed and mixed-up nigger ever. But is a diabolical thing when a white man show kindness. Even if he wicked for seven day and good only one. She try to hold on to the Quinn that make her get whip twice a week. But whenever she think of whip she think of blood, and when she think of blood she see white woman blood and white pickney and black woman who face she can’t remember. Her hand is as bloody as any white man, that she know. But not a single slave would blame her for what she do. And the Rogets was devil in the flesh who gone back to the hell they come from. She already do what the womens planning. That must be why they so pleased ’bout it, they don’t know how the smell of blood can sick you. Blood and burning flesh, so sour and heavy it make her belly heave. She roast a goat head once to make soup and the stink of burning hair make her vomit. Damn them, damn even the babies who was goin’ grow up to kill nigger just like her. Damn Miss Isobel, who whip her in the face. Goddamn the whole of them. Lilith feeling good and righted. She tell herself that she feeling good and righted. But if Quinn touch her hair or moan or whisper lovey, everything broken. She would have to work up the hate all over again. Something fly up in her head and say, Kill him now. You not a woman until you do.

Morning come, then noon. One week pass since the womens meet and nobody talk to nobody. Lilith run into Callisto again behind Quinn quarters as she carrying five cutlass. Callisto look like she about to talk but say nothing and vanish into the cane. Miss Isobel continue with the riding too. Lilith wondering what she get herself into. She keeping secret for Miss Isobel, the negro womens in league and herself. She straighten her back and think she can bear it. But then Robert Quinn come home early.

— Supper ready yet, luv? Robert Quinn say as he come through the door. Lilith frighten. It not usual for him to come home before nightfall. Lilith thinking about how she just call him house home like it be her own. She don’t hear him the first time.

— Cat got your tongue, bat got your ears, which is it? he say.

— Massa?

— I said, have I come too early?

— No, massa, I mean yes, massa. I. . Lilith fidget.

— Well, can you fix something quick? I’ll have to head out again. I fear I shall not be coming home tonight, he say.

— All night? Lilith say and look away.

— That’s what I said, Robert Quinn say. Lilith fold her arms and rub her shoulders.

— Crop time, t’will devour us all, I tell you. Damn if it won’t make a slave of me as well. Well, don’t tarry, lass, fix us something.

Lilith have bread that bake from morning, two small loaf. She was cooking pepper pot soup for herself but know how much he like it. She pour some in a bowl and watch the green callaloo and cabbage go to rest on the bottom and the peppers poking up. She set the soup and the bread at the table with a spoon. Quinn take a big gulp and cough hard.

— God feckin’ damn! he say and cough again. This is from the devil himself, I swear. Good show, Lilith. Good show.

He call her by her first name and break her.

— Sweet Christ, are ye weeping now?

— No. No, massa.

— Well, maybe yer eyes have different plans from the rest o’ ye, but I’d say yer weeping. What is it, this cause for all this melancholy? Is this because I shouted at ye?

— No, massa. Something fly in me eye, massa. Lilith run to her room. She look behind her, thinking he might follow. She turn, waiting. He don’t come. Plenty time pass. She think he gone. She get up and go into the kitchen.

— Ye composed enough to tell me now? Robert Quinn say. Not my practise to ask women more than once.

Lilith look at him. Ever since he take her to bed she don’t know what to say to him or how to say it. He talk to her sometimes with a voice that white people don’t give black people and sometime not to white people either. Things would be easier if she was just a whore or a tool that get use, then put back in a box. But him want to hold her in bed even when they not sexing and he want to talk, and him talk to her in white people voice. She listen to him sometimes and think of milk flowing. Him smile. Negro people not to fuss about what white people thinking. Negro people not to think that they is anything more than a dog or a parrot to white people.

— Lilith?

He call her name again. Lilith want a woman to tell her about man things. What man want and if she must desire him, desire as the Bible say. But her head heavy. She have three burden and have to let go at least one.

— Fine. Keep yer business to yourself, then, he say and rise up.

— Have supper ready when I get back. If I get back, the way crop time is lookin’, he say and leave.

Lilith go to her room and look through her belongings for the piece of looking glass. The one time she go back to Coulibre after the fire, a time she go with Robert Quinn, she find it sticking out from ashes and ready to cut her foot if she did step without looking. Lilith pull out the looking glass in the dim light. She look at herself, at the one thing that make her not black. She not black, she mulatto. Mulatto, mulatto, mulatto. Maybe she be family to both and to hurt white man just as bad as hurting black man. Lilith wonder if green eye is the only thing she seeing that any good. Maybe she should use the piece of looking glass to cut her eyes out so that she can’t see herself.

Maybe if she start to think that she not black or white, then she won’t have to care about neither man’s affairs. Maybe if she don’t care what other people think she be and start think about what she think she be, maybe she can rise over backra and nigger business, since neither ever mean her any good. Since the blood that run through her both black and white, maybe she be her own thing. But what thing she be? Even Robert Quinn look at her queer-like sometimes cause he can’t look below the eyes. Lilith used to think that green eye put her one step higher than other nigger; she think it put her on a perch so that Massa Humphrey could see her better. But then he have man beat her till she near dead, and since then he is monster to her.

Since then, anything to do with loving make her sick and angry, but then Robert Quinn take her in. They eat together for the most part and she bathe him like a boy on Saturday morning and find nothing sweeter than when he say ahhhhh as she pour warm water over him head. She think of Massa Roget the first time, but when she realise afterwards that all he want from a bath was water she didn’t mix him up with that fat sum’bitch again. Lilith would get up from the table when she done eat and Robert Quinn would hold her and pull her back gentle-like because he don’t want to eat alone. Lilith trying not to count, not to add up. The same day she meet with the womens he walk up to her in the kitchen with him shirt off and slap him big belly two time and say that she is to be blamed, she and that heavenly cooking of hers. She say, What a way backra get fat so quick, then shut her mouth for giving him backtalk.

— On the contrary, I do nothing faster or slower than need be, he say and smile as he go back to the bedroom.

— Have you ever ridden a horse? he ask when he come back out, and she shake her head. He promise to teach her one night when he is home.

Home.

Lilith need a new way. She tired of thinking that she have to hate Robert Quinn. Need to hate him. She tired of knowing what she supposed to do but not doing it. Tired of guarding her hate and forcing her hate and thinking that if she just tell hate to come and stay, it goin’ come and stay. Mayhaps she hating too big. Hatred still be like love, stronger when what you hate right in front of you. She remember that between Massa and Mistress Roget be a monstrous hatred, but they don’t hate one big thing. They despise little things, like how he fart and how she stupid, and them little things add up, spread out like plague. Mayhaps that be the way. Under him arm can smell like a dog. He leave the most unholy stink in the outhouse. He shout at her when the food not right. And when he piss in the commode, everywhere wet up but the commode itself.

— Here’s wot methinks. Methinks I’s going ta sail right down that cockstream o’ yers. Sounds right nice, ennit? Does that sweet ya, pussycat?

Lilith watching herself in the looking glass so long that she didn’t hear the man come in or see him standing in the doorway. Is not evening yet but the man look like a shadow. He tall and skinny like scarecrow. Him yellow hair wild and poking out from him hat like hay. Two teeth missing and the others yellow when he smile. He smiling plenty. Him shirt dirty and boot cake up with mud and him breeches brown. The man grabbing himself through the breeches. Lilith know is who.

— Quinn downright built a love den fer us, yes ’e did, pussycat, yes ’e did. The gentlemanly sort that Quinn be, the gentlemanly sort, always looking out fer ’is fellow man, the man say.

— I’d give me last quid to vouch fer ’is character, that I would, he say.

Lilith look around but there be nowhere to go.

— Keep ya noodle down, pretty, keep ya noodle down and nobody needs ta get ’urt. All of us’re just doing as the Bible intended, innit? the man say as he step inside more.

— The Good Book says that a man, a strapping man like meself, can’t be burning of passion. Say so right there in the Good Book, it does. If man got some passion in ’im ’e gots ta release it, ya know? We gots ta release it now, doesn’t we? he say.

— Ah, quit with the crying, dearie, I’ll be right sortin’ ya out in a minute. . or two.

The man shift to the side and pull down him breeches a little. Light peek out from behind him and Lilith try to run and push herself past him, but he catch her.

— Now, where do ya think yer goin’? Eh? Where do you think yer goin’?

Lilith try to push him off but he grab her by her two arm, push her back in and slap her across her face. Lilith claw him face, but he smile and all she can see is the blackness beyond him yellow teeth.

— Jaysus Christ, behave yerself now, pussycat! he say.

Then he pounce on her like cat ’pon rat. She scream but he slap her again. — Enough of that, he say. He pinning her down on her sheets with one hand and pulling down him breeches with the other. Then he hike up Lilith dress and push him way between her legs. Lilith close up but then he start to slap her, saying, Open up, nigger bitch. Lilith bawling and fighting but the man strong and him hard. Then she hear music. Music starting and stopping and starting again. Music coming from inside as she feel stone underneath her outside. She smell a sourness, a sourness from white man hair and a sourness from the music. The music was inside. Outside. Outside was the yellow hair, straight and sour. Sour and yellow, like the man who was on top of her before she black out. Sour and yellow, like the man of top of her now. Lilith scream and scream and scream. He slap her on the cheek. Lilith feel him miss her pussy at first, then feel him taking him hand to guide it in so that he don’t miss.

— We’re pickin’ up right where we left off on New Year’s, darlin’, innit? the man say.

Then the man scream but the scream drown out with a thunder-crack. He scream loud like a girl and he screaming louder and louder. — Goddamn! Goddamn! Ya damn fuckin’ killed me, oh my God, oh my God!

He jump off Lilith and grab the back of him arse that full with buckshot.

— McClusky, I barely scratched ye. Now I’m going to kill you, Quinn say and hold up him musket.

— Oh my God! Oh my God!

— God can’t help the likes of ye right now. Is this the full day’s work Master Humphrey get for a full day’s pay? And how come I can’t remember inviting you to my house?

— Blazes! Me apologies, sir, me apologies. Oh lordy, the pain, sir! Lordy, the pain!

— There’s more where that came from, ye son of a bitch!

— Pardon me, sir, pardon me. Me thinkin’ there was a free meal to be ’ad ’ere, sir, that’s all.

— Really, McClusky? Who in all fuck gave ye so wrong a news as that?

— Aye, sir, I means you no offence, sir, that be all to it, yeah?

— Maybe you didn’t, but yer dingus here had other plans. Maybe I should shoot the little fucker off?

— Oh, lordy no, sir, please sir, ’tis the only dingus I ’ave, sir, kind sir.

— Aye. But since you’re so burning with passion to dock yer dingus, I tell ye what. How about I shoot ye a new arsehole so that you can fuck yerself. How does that suit ye?

The man look like he goin’ cry. Lilith pull down her dress and run out of the room. — Get up, Robert Quinn say. Lilith in the kitchen, the man run past her, limping as blood drip on the floor. The man turn east outside and vanish.

— Goddamn worthless East End scum! The goddamned nerve to set into me own house. I’ll have him in irons, by all that’s holy, Quinn say. — Perhaps I should get a dog. What do you think, Lilith?

Lilith on the floor with the water bucket and a brush. She scrubbing the blood off the floor, moving from one spot to the next. She don’t look up. Robert Quinn move over to her and stoop down.

— I was talking to ye, luv. I said, What do you think of a dog? Quinn say. Lilith still scrubbing the floor. — Enough, Quinn say and touch her shoulder. Lilith scream and pull back. She push away from him like crab running sideways.

— Jesus, lassie, I’m not out to harm ye, he say. Lilith push herself over to a corner in the kitchen. She trembling like she just come back from white people weather. Quinn walk slow over to her and she push herself deeper into the corner until she can’t push no more. Quinn right in front of her. Him face next to her face. She turn away from him, her eye shut tight and her face set as if he about to punch her.

— Oh my stars, lass, you have nothing to fear from me, he say.

He touch her cheek and she yell again and scramble to her foot and run into her room.

Darkness fall and Quinn still in the house. He supposed to go back out ’cause it be crop time, but Lilith didn’t stop bawling until he promise to stay. Quinn on the right side of the bed, reading a book from Massa Humphrey. The lantern beside him throw light on him nose and cheek when he smile. Lilith didn’t know that he wear spectacles. She look at him for a while, look at how he just get older before her. She wonder if he do deep thinking. Quinn look up and see her.

— Are ye talking to me now, lassie? Quinn whisper as he put down the book and look at her.

— That son of a bitch McClusky has been dismissed. You have nothing to fear from the likes of him again. But I’ll wager you were troubled before that bastard set foot in here. Please don’t look at me like that, darlin’.

— Massa?

— Like, like that. Ye looked at me like yer seein’ him. McClusky. Jesus, lassie, I’d never harm ye. It wasn’t in my power before but it is now, so help me. Were it up to me nobody would have ever laid a hand on ye, not once, not even when that Coulibre bitch demanded that they whip you every week. You probably think I’ve forgotten but I have not, luv. So what is it? What is it that yer not willing to tell me?

Lilith push herself to talk. — Nothing, massa. Nothing.

— Come here.

Lilith start to pull off her dress.

— Good heavens, Lilith, I’m a man with a dingus, not the other way around. Come in the bed with me. Have ye ever laid eyes on a book, luv?

— Yes, massa.

— Aye? And have ye opened one as well? Do ye know how to read?

Lilith look ’pon the book hard and long but she know what it say, The Faerie Queene.

— Nigger don’t know them things, massa, she say.

Some time pass with Massa Quinn teaching Lilith word. She act like she don’t know anything. One time he read a line that go A floud of poyson horrible and blacke, and she frown ’cause she know is not so poison spell, nor flood, nor black.

— That no right, she say, but go quiet when Robert Quinn look at her queer-like.

—’Tis not right? What’s not right?

— Ahhhh, er, that the, that the woman so nasty. All that nastiness coming from her mouth.

— Aye! Indeed, nasty indeed. She’s quite the harridan, she is.

Lilith still perplex, for them words don’t sound like nobody she ever hear. Them way too speakey-spokey. And spell wrong. Even a dim nigger would know that son don’t spell like sonne. Quinn don’t even need the book, he just talk the book and tell her that everything that mankind ever needed to say Spenser say in The Faerie Queene. He nod off and she think he think she don’t understand. She about to say that she know what he mean without telling him that she know a Faerie Queene that still be sleeping until a man wake her, but he answer with a snore.

Lilith slip outside. She run to the broke-down wagon and hide. She think she hear a gallop but nothing come of it. Mayhaps Miss Isobel sleeping tonight. Most night she go but some night she don’t and Lilith can’t find no reason behind it. She wait. No moon in the sky.

A hard hand grab the back of her neck. Lilith jump. Robert Quinn.

Even in the dark she can see he furious. — I knew you were haunted by something, he say. — And if it’s freedom yer looking fer, I have half a mind to send you to heaven, how’s that fer true freedom? Lilith mouth wide open but no sound coming out. She know he looking at her. Then a sound catch her and him too. Quinn notice that it catch her first.

— Who’s there? he say to her. — Your lover? Is it some goddamned nigger? Running away, are ye now? Or perhaps you seek to make a cuckold out of me? I should have left ye for McClusky, that’s what I should’ve done!

Lilith feel him squeezing her neck. This not be the man who call her lovey and was talking to her from The Faerie Queene. The galloping getting louder.

— Feckin’. . you await a man on horseback? No slave knows how to ride. What in blazes is. .

Lilith stoop, grabbing him hand still round her neck, and pull him down. He cuss and try to pull her up, but the galloping getting louder so he stoop down. Him hand still on her neck. From the stables the hoofbeat coming. Quinn let go of Lilith and peek out from the wagon. Miss Isobel ride past them, her yellow hair flying and her horse kicking up dust. Robert Quinn look at Lilith, him jaw dropped low like stunned goat. He look at her till she look away and she wish he would say something and wish he don’t, for whatever coming out of him mouth won’t be pleasing. He leave, running to the stable. Lilith can’t move. She still behind the wagon when he ride past.

Lilith stay awake all night till it be morning and the rooster start crow. Lilith thinking about how her head not as heavy as before, but she still carrying things like a chain round her neck. She glad he know. Lilith tell herself that she didn’t owe no white woman nothing anyway. Miss Isobel ride past her window. Not long after that, Robert Quinn come home from the other way, so that he can see the morning shift of slave take over from the night shift. When he come through the door, Lilith yawning.

— Awake all night, luv?

— Yes, Massa Robert.

— Might as well make me some breakfast, then, and it better be a good, hearty one, fer I’m still very cross with ye, Lilith.

— Yes, massa.

Lilith set about getting the pot and pans ready.

— And Lilith?

— Yes, massa?

— About Miss Isobel, have you spoken of this to anyone?

— No, massa.

— Good. Let it remain so. Do you understand?

— Yes, massa.

Robert Quinn sit down by the table and take off him boots. She listen to the boots banging on the floor and him fingers tapping the tabletop. She don’t look. He whistle and she look around to see him nodding him head over and over.

— Goddamn. God feckin’ damn.

24

ROBERT QUINN NOT GIVING UP NO ANSWER. NO WAY IN BLANZES after Lilith try to keep Miss Isobel night affairs away from him. He ask her how long she know ’bout Miss Isobel. She couldn’t remember if it was a fortnight or a month but it before October. A quietness come between them, and Lilith think that the silence would make her happy, but it don’t. Even when she wash him hair and rub him scalp with her fingers, he moan and breathe deep but don’t say nothing. Even when they sexing, he grunt and groan but don’t say nothing. Not even lovey. Sometimes when he come home early and she still cooking, Lilith would look up and see him looking at her. At night time she in bed with him and can feel him looking when her back turn. Looking, mayhaps waiting for her to do something again. But he never strike her and more than anything else, Lilith was looking to be struck.

Lilith don’t know. She thought that this was what she want. It easier to hate him now. It easier to smell him field smell and think it stinking up the sheets and the curtains and the room and the wall and everything. It easier to think like Homer or Gorgon or Pallas. She don’t have a single care ’bout him goddamn Irish flesh and don’t have to think anymore when he lie on top of her, but still she wish he would remember that he say he was goin’ teach her to ride. She wish he would talk like the Faerie Queen or teach her a word she already done know. Lilith never know that the day would come when she would rather hear lovey than her own name, a day where she be the perplexing nigger. She clean him shoes and hand he him clothes and watch him leave. She wish he would even pat her on the head like a dog and know she be the most worthless nigger for thinking such.

Gorgon ride her carriage past the Robert Quinn house and shout to Lilith in the kitchen, telling her that Homer say they’s to meet tonight to go over the next banquet menu.

— They’s no banquet coming, Lilith say.

— Banquet coming, Gorgon say and ride off. She don’t look at Lilith once.

Last week in October a trunk come for Miss Isobel from Kingston. She run down the stairs herself and grab the chest and cry like is a coffin. — Up to my room at once, she say. It take two strapping negro to carry the chest all the way up the staircase to Massa Humphrey room, that be her room now. Lilith just come in the kitchen, fixing to talk to Homer.

— Lilith, to my room this instant, Miss Isobel shout.

Lilith go to the room to see the chest fling open and all sort of dress tumbling out. Miss Isobel wearing a riding outfit, a dark red dress. She say she finally feel like a woman. Lilith thinking that at least she going stop wear the massa clothes now and she won’t have to come in the morning to wash nothing.

— Oh, Lilith, have you any idea how happy I am! How rootless a woman feels when she has nothing of her own!

Miss Isobel still looking at herself in the mirror.

— Lilith, you’ve been such a dear, you must help me unpack, Miss Isobel say.

A little later, near to the hour, Lilith come back in the kitchen with a bundle under her arm.

— Nigger Christmas come again, what a thing, Homer say.

Lilith don’t have nothing to say to Homer.

— I goin’ to fix Massa Rob — Massa Quinn lunch, she say.

— Yeah, why you don’t go take you bundle and go fix Massa Robert, Massa Quinn lunch.

— What me do you now?

— Me? After you can’t do me anything. Is what you doing to yourself, you need to ask.

Other womens in the kitchen and Lilith don’t want to talk nothing ’bout her business in front of them, ’specially with one or two still lookin’ at her uncanny.

— I gone, Lilith say.

— Little later, me chile, Homer say.

Night come. Is still crop time, so Robert Quinn may or may not come home. Lilith want to see him something bad. Out in the dark, six women goin’ be waiting. Lilith ask if things not risky to be meeting during crop time and Homer say, Risky for who? And go back to her business. Lilith imagine them right under Robert Quinn room window, plotting.

Robert Quinn come home cursing something in Irish tongue. She run to him and jump him, wrapping her arms round him neck and her legs round him waist. Lilith push her hand down him breeches. Quinn carry Lilith to the bedroom. But Quinn tired. He near scold her to leave him alone. Lilith was hoping he be him usual Irish self and sex her most of the night. She try to talk to him, but he wasn’t in no mood for talking. Not to her. He still carrying ill will ’gainst her, not massa-slave ill will, she see that now, but man-woman ill will.

— Tell me ’bout the Ireland, she say, looking at him back and watching the window.

— Go to sleep, he say. He silent for a while, but then he turn round and face her.

— I thought you and I had an understanding. In this house, in this place, I had it that ye understood me.

— Massa.

— You’ve got no cause to see me as yer enemy, Lilith.

— Massa, me don’t know, is what she say. But not what she think.

— But you do know. That’s the whole point, isn’t it, luv? How could you have kept this from me? I think about it all the time, how you kept it hidden, and now I’m no use in the field, no use here, all because the negro who has become my favourite keeps secrets. But I should have known.

— No, massa.

— What else are ye keeping from me?

— Me not hiding nothing, massa.

— I remember ye comings and goings all times of the night. Think I’ve forgotten, have ye?

— Miss Isobel must be doing something wicked, wicked.

— That’ll be my business, the goings of Miss Isobel, thank ye, not yours.

— Yes, massa, Lilith say and get up to leave.

— Where’re ye going?

— Me know you don’t want to see me face, massa. Only way to please you is to leave you be.

— Why in feckin’ blazes would I prefer a cold bed to a warm one?

Lilith go back in the bed but she don’t touch him.

— I’m not different from you, ye know, Quinn say. Lilith don’t know what he talking ’bout and think she didn’t hear him correct.

— In these colonies Irishmen are held in even lesser esteem than negroes.

— What? Foolishness that!

Quinn look at her. — Ye’d do well to think twice before you call your master foolish, even if he is an Irishman.

— Sorry, massa.

— Oh, not me, I couldn’t care less what ye call me. You don’t understand, lassie. At least a slave has some value to the master. An Irishman has none. They hate the lot of us, you know. They say, Aye, what’s an Irishman? A nigger turned inside out. It burns me that ye should keep things from me. It burns me so.

— Me sorry, massa.

— And for God’s sakes, stop calling me massa. I’m no massa to them, just a potato eater. Every soul thinks less of the Irishman, even that Creole bitch, who you’d reckon has no cause for malice against anyone.

— Miss Isobel?

— That would be her. Would ye like to know where following her led to? I’ll bet in blazes that ye do.

Lilith keep talking until him answer get shorter and shorter and a good time pass before she see that he asleep. She remember what Quinn say ’bout Irishman lot being the same as nigger and hiss it off. He never did mention nothing ’bout where Miss Isobel riding to.

Ever since Quinn teach her how to read the timepiece, she find a new way to tell how late the time be. Quarter past two. Close to the hour, the womens will be gathering. Lilith curl up behind Robert Quinn, fitting herself around him shape and letting him body hair warm her. When she wake up again, the clock just strike six in the morning. Lilith don’t know what to look forward to in the day. But Robert Quinn sleeping in the bed, and man can look like baby when he fall asleep, or a puppy, or just something that no evil could come from, and he roll and turn and grunt and there be something ’bout the morning, and him, and the smell of clean hands with no blood on them that just seem right.

Quinn leave early, saying that he still concerned about the crop time yield. Lilith in the house waiting. Quinn did leave the watch with her and on occasion she look at the hands move and listen for the click. A click come but not from the watch. Then she smell mint and lemongrass.

Homer.

She behind Lilith in the kitchen, not saying anything. Lilith wonder where behind her Homer be, if she over by the passage that lead to Quinn bedroom or if she right behind her, breathing near the back of her neck. A quick wind dash past her right ear and she jump. The knife jam right into the cupboard and bounce. Lilith gasp. She turn around to see Callisto holding another knife by the blade, ready to throw. Lilith straighten herself even though she so frighten she almost piss.

— And where you bulldog be? Lilith say.

Callisto smile. — Dagger go deeper than dog bite, she say.

— The two of you have eye, so you see that me busy cookin’.

— For who? The man o’ yard gone go whip nigger already, Callisto say. — Maybe you forget that that is what him do, eh? Maybe you think that the whip on him belt there to hold him breeches up. Maybe—

— Callisto.

— Don’t Callisto me, Homer. Me did think. . me was hopin’.

— What me name, Jesus?

— Me did hope Coulibre did done change you. Make you a real woman finally.

— Callisto, Homer say.

— No more with no damn code, woman! She come back here all quiet-like, like we don’t done know her business. Like we couldn’t smell it ’pon you.

— Me don’t know what you talkin’ ’bout. Massa Robert don’t—

— Fuckin’ hell, you know what Massa Robert do? You deh with him all day? You see him last week when him whip poor Mother Hera who too old fi work?

— Lying bitch—

— Wash them scar off you back yet? Callisto say. — Every day he put a new one on another nigger back. The day me see you come back, me say finally this nigger know what is what. All of a sudden you did have what Gorgon can’t get even though she try and try. Then one pigskin fuck you and—

— Homer, tell her to get out of me—

— Is true she talking, Homer say.

— Lie that.

— Girl chile, don’t turn into no fool. You do that before.

— Pallas say, every time backra smile with you, you pleased like puss, Callisto say.

— Me want the two of you to get out. Now.

— Or what? Cho! Right now I feel to cut up you up in here so—

Callisto dash after Lilith like a mad animal. But Lilith stand up to her. Callisto right after all, once you kill five people or more, not even the devil frighten you. Callisto swing but Lilith catch her hand and twist it round Callisto back. Callisto hiss, then laugh.

— If me did know that is so she was, me’d befriend her long ago, Callisto say.

— Enough! Homer say. Lilith let go, Callisto still smiling.

Lilith run for the wall on the other side of the kitchen. Homer go over to Lilith and touch her forehead. Lilith spit in her face.

— Dead dog cunt, Lilith say.

Callisto laugh again. Homer raise her hand to halt Callisto just as she grip the knife to hurl straight into Lilith back. Homer wipe off the spit. Then she slap Lilith on the left of her face. Then the right. Homer grab Lilith by the shoulder and push her hard.

— You! You is the devil own woman! Lilith say. You is the devil! Wait till Massa Quinn come home. You just…when he see this, he goin’ know. . and—

— Look ’pon me and look ’pon me good, fool nigger. Me look like me ’fraid of Robert Quinn? You worrying ’bout him seeing bruise, how ’bout me make it that he see corpse? You forgetting who be the head nigger in this bloodcloth place. That be me. Me! Now you listen to me, chile. If you want to fool yourself again so that man beat you down, that be your business, but next time me call you to a meeting, you drag you dry backside there or is me you goin’ deal with.

— Me. . me not ’fraid of you.

— Then you is a friggin’ fool. You want me to give you something to ’fraid of? You think ’cause you make woman bleed to death, you is bad? You think me kill Circe sake o’ you?

— What you talkin’ ’bout? Everybody done know the bitch try to kill me!

— You, you, you. Circe couldn’t kill flea! That be her damn problem from the first day. All mouth and no act. Circe never try to kill you, she couldn’t even stay in her hut, sake of the Johnny-jumper blood you shed in it. You, on the other hand, was a different story. Me know that from the day me walk in there and see you with the cutlass.

Lilith stun.

— From the day me see what you do that boy, me look ’pon Circe and know that me rope in the wrong nigger. Beside, the bitch was goin’ be a turncoat nigger — you hear her youself. No, better she did gone and gone quick.

— Circe never try to kill me?

— Circe was goin’ frig up the struggle with her mouth. You know how long we waitin’? How long we plottin’? We planning this since 1796, five year after Saint-Domingue free itself. Before even that!

— Circe never try to kill me?

— Wise up, woman! Circe was goin’ tell the massa ’bout you and the whole o’ we. Me take one look ’pon you blood-up face and know which woman me did want.

— And you make it look…

— All the better for the struggle.

Callisto mouth stiff but her eye wide open.

— You is a wicked bitch! Lilith say. A wicked, wicked bitch. She was me mama! She never set no Sasabonsam ’pon me. Is was you. Is was always you!

— You need to know which side you on—

— You not on nobody side! Your side goin’ to hell. You worse than she ever be, you dutty stinkin’ bitch! Me hate you.

— Look ’pon me good. No hate you can bring that me can’t handle. You think you bad? You know who the pussycloth you taking step with?

— You don’t know ’bout—

— Trust me, fool, there be nothing about you that I don’t know. You know why I make them hang that other girl, Francine, when me know full well that is you set the fire? Homer say.

— Is. . is not me—

— Quit the damn foolishness, idiot! The girl was running errand for the mistress. The mistress tell me that herself, how she wish she had one slave as sensible as Homer ’cause that idiot Francine don’t know herb from weed. She tell me that some morning she send Francine out but all she can do is pick fruit and don’t know nothing ’bout bush. Poor girl, think she be somebody ’cause she ride carriage like Gorgon. The mistress send her to me so that me can teach her what to pick and how to brew it. Time o’ the fire, she just left Montpelier with some herb tea for the mistress’ nerves, so me know is not she do no burning. Me give her the tea meself! You think is arsehole me push out of when me born? Look yah, girl, you better start acting right or you goin’ drop down dead before me even touch you.

— You could have tell on me. Why make them kill that girl if… if is me do it?

— Because that was the best she could do for the struggle. She not cut out for nothing else. But you, you different. Me always know, but me sure now, after you kill four white people just like that.

— Me never mean to — Jesus Christ, you think me did mean to?

— All the better. Don’t come talk to me ’bout Circe when inside you blacker than pitch. You can’t even control it. That be why we goin’ use it. You hear ’bout Saint-Domingue, Lilith? That be the all-negro republic. Nigger want freedom and they take it. Nigger want land and they take it. Nigger want blood and they take that too.

— Nowhere no name so.

— Me learn you to read so read, you fool. Saint-Domingue nigger no better, no worse than we. No, no. They better, they grab the whip and whip the backra. All my life white man boot in my back. Well, time it done, don’t make—

— You don’t know what you talking—

— I say, no more white man boot goin’ be in my back again, you hear me? Me ever tell you ’bout me pickneys? You want to know what happen to them?

— No.

— The boy, he get send to Bermuda, then Turks and Caicos to dig for salt. The boy never strong, so they kill him. Work him to death. Want to hear what nigger from Clarendon say ’bout me daughter? Didn’t even reach sixteen birthday before she make me a grandmother. Then she make the pickney a goddamn orphan two weeks later. Who reckon a girl could live after two hundred fifty lash, eh? A whole week she live, my girl. A whole w. . But not even she strong enough to withstand whipping one week after a baby. Nigger say she didn’t even have blood left to bleed.

— Homer.

— How far, Lilith? How far backra must ram up you pussyhole before you see that he fuckin’ you?

— Tell her, Homer. Tell her.

— Shut up, Callisto. Who goin’ get kill next, eh? Who goin’ dead? Me? You? Enough, you hear me, eeeeenough. Nigger from Saint-Domingue better than we, them woman have sense and them man have balls. Them don’t take nothing from no devil no more. Our time now.

— How you can do anything? This is nigger life. What you one can do?

— Chile, is not me one. Not me one at all. Anyway, me done talk. Don’t think you not in this, woman, because I know ’bout you. And if you don’t want me to start talking ’bout that fire again, you better get your nigger backside to the cave next time me call meeting.

— What you need me for? You say things planning nigh five year now.

— Because you still don’t seem to know what in you. But me know. Callisto know, even Gorgon know — that be why she ’fraid of you these days. Don’t act like you don’t see.

Homer turn to leave, but then turn back to Lilith.

— Robert Quinn still out there beating and killing niggers. He go to Spanish Town to buy two fresh nigger only yesterday. You remember that, she say.

Them leave her. Lilith set about preparing the lunch. Massa Robert goin’ come back for a lunch and a smile, she tell herself. She goin’ get some beef and some potato and make a soup that the Irishman like. The pot set to boil and Homer voice come back to the kitchen. Robert Quinn out there beating and killing niggers, she say. Lilith try to blow the word out of her head. Lilith grab potato from the sack and cuss when her hand get stuck. The more she pull, the more her hand stuck until she scream, Goddamn raas cloth! And pull so hard that the sack tear and potato fall out and run across the floor. One roll to a dark corner of the room. Roll right up to where the woman foot be.

Lilith still at first. Is the first time she seeing the tall dark woman in the day and she know for sure now that is not Hippolyta. Lilith frighten a little, but angry more.

— Who you want me to kill now? Who you want me to kill now, bitch? Maybe me should kill meself? You find that agreeable? Eh? Eh? Lilith grab a plate off the kitchen counter and throw at the dark woman in the corner. She disappear before the glass fly into the wall and shatter up into pieces. Lilith try to cry but fear and rage well up in her and she shudder so bad that she near have a fit.

Lilith brushing the shatter plate into a piece of paper. She sit down on the floor and feel the heaviness come down on her. Mayhaps more spirit was goin’ visit her before the day done. Mayhaps a burnin’ pickney and a burnin’ young’un and a burnin’ Matraca, and the three burn down into one that wait for the john crow to take it.

She can now tell what sorta mood Robert Quinn in just by the hop and drag of him foot when he come home. Maybe she shouldn’t be so happy to see him and maybe she should punch her chest where her heart be so that it stop jump every time he step through the parlor. He pull off him shirt and rub him porcelain belly. Maybe he be white man first and Robert Quinn second. What can a white man be in the colonies but the enemy of all negro flesh? From they takes us from the Africa; who they don’t kill by the work, they kill by the whip. How can a white man smile mean any good? What it mean when he turn you over in bed so that him face meet your face? That he want to see your pleasure and your loving and your tears or that he can’t stand to see the scars on you back that he cause? What it mean when he hold you gentle-like and whisper word that not be word and can’t eat unless you eat too and promise to teach you to ride? What it mean when lass turn into luv, then lovey, then Lilith?

Robert Quinn step into the kitchen and the whole house hear the crunch. — What the. ., he say and pick up piece of the plate, piece that have pattern on it.

— What’s the meaning of this? he say. Lilith jump up from the floor real quick. She rub her hands and start to step back the more he step forward.

— Lilith, what’s this?

— Me never mean to do it on purpose, sah, me never mean to do it on purpose. Lilith still stepping back, Robert Quinn still stepping forward.

— Don’t. . Out with it at once. At once!

— Lawd o’ massy, sah. I broke a plate, sah.

— You did what? Lilith jump. Robert Quinn back her into a wall. You. . fuckin’. . have ye got butter sticks fer fingers!

— No, massa, me sorry, massa. Don’t kill me now, massa! Don’t kill me and go buy new me in Spanish Town!

Robert Quinn stop. A new Quinn come over him face, one she never see before. He look away from her.

— The brown or the blue one? The brown or the blue, damn you!

— The brown one, Lilith say.

Quinn sigh. — Oh, good, good, he say. He rest him hands on her shoulder. — Didn’t mean to give you such a fright, lassie. But, those Wedgwood plates are the last of my mother’s in me possession. Would break my heart if I were to lose one. Robert Quinn kiss her on the forehead.

— Fix us some supper, lovey, he say.

Word was that Miss Isobel was grumbling about how Lilith take up with Robert Quinn. She’d been grumbling about it for a good while now. She don’t like it one bit. That be exactly what she say when she summon Lilith to her room two day later.

— I don’t like it one bit, Lilith, she say. — I suppose you’re his chère amie now?

— Ma’am?

— Stop play fool to catch wise. You forget that I grow up here too. Me know what kinda tomfoolery you niggers up to.

Lilith hear Miss Isobel chat like nigger all the time, but never on purpose. — There’s nothing under the sun that you tar babies can fool me with. Can’t catch Harry catch him shirt, eh?

Lilith look at Miss Isobel, perplex.

— Or should I say massa?

— Mistress?

— Oh, please, Lilith. Perhaps it’s better that the times are such as they are, I daresay we almost sisters in our purpose. But you’re Quinn’s woman now. See what happens when a nigger remembers her place? See how virtue is rewarded? Mind you, virtue is a land I have no wish to visit. Tell me, since ’tis only through trick of fate that we’re not sisters, does he fill you?

— Sorry, mistress, me don’t understand—

— Oh, come now, Lilith. You niggerwomen are so lucky, having as you do le petit mort without having to marry first.

Lilith still perplex.

— Oh, for heaven’s sake, imbecile, does the Irishman please you with his loving? Does he have a real brute between his legs? Do your toes curl? Do you take him in the mouth?

— Mistress!

— Please save me the outrage, Lilith. You and I are colonial creatures, different though you certainly are. For your information, I do not fool myself as other women do. As for you and I, we’re cut from a more blunt cloth. At least I am so. Now I insist that you tell me. I shall not go into marriage with Mr. Wilson without fair warning of the male sex.

This perplex Lilith more. Homer never lie and Homer say Miss Isobel and Massa Humphrey be fuckin’ up to the day before Coulibre burn down. Maybe this be another white woman game. Say one thing but mean another. Black woman game too.

— Is he enough for you, I said. I mean, you niggers with your bottomless cunts. He must be rather, ahem, mighty for you not to swallow him up.

— Nigger cho-cho not bigger than white woman cho-cho, mistress, I don’t reckon.

— Who was speaking of size? But you darkies have your ways of bewitching our men. I have already accepted that when I marry, I will have to share whatever hangs below his belt. How can a lady compete with your bestial ways?

— I don’t know what that—

— Trouble not yourself, Lilith. I daresay, though, I’m glad I’m a Creole girl. A little of your black magic has rubbed off on me as well. Me Obeah him, you know.

Lilith never know one set of word could stun her twice. For one instant she think a third woman was in the room, another woman talking to her that sound black. But it was Miss Isobel opening her white lips so that a black voice come out. Then there be what she saying, thing that nigger even in them deepest blackness don’t talk ’bout in daylight.

— Me say me Obeah him, Miss Isobel say again.

— Miss Isobel, you not to be messing with them things.

— And why not? Seems to work fine for you niggers. Works fine and dandy. I told you, Lilith, that’s why you can fool people like the massa but you can’t fool me. I know all about your ways.

— So you go to Obeah woman, Miss Isobel?

— I am already wise to their ways. I should have collected it in a jar when we women have our times of the month, and mixed it in his soup. Not that I would ever do such a thing. Not that it would work. Somebody—

— Who, ma’am?

— I fail to see how that’s your business. Someone suggested I sweat him. Can you believe it? Of course, I knew all about it and only pretended shock, but certainly I was not about to wear food in my. . my regions and then have it cooked. So much for Obeah. Black magic indeed. Anyway, Lilith, I must insist that you come and attend to me at once.

— Yes’m, Lilith say.

— I will arrange it today.

— Yes’m, Lilith say.

Not even two evening pass before Robert Quinn see red. That happen the very next morning. Lilith didn’t hear or see, but Homer did. Homer laughing when Lilith come into the kitchen. Lilith was still plenty afraid of Homer but wasn’t about to act that way. She walk up right beside her.

— Who did know that white man would lock horn over black cho-cho?

— What you chattin’ ’bout now?

— No you, Miss Precious. The two man lock horn like man bull a-threaten boy bull. Massa Humphrey and Massa Quinn, Lilith. Seem Massa Humphrey did want to move you back in the house to wait ’pon Miss Isobel. Humph! Robert Quinn did get very Irish is all me goin’ say.

— How you mean?

— Me don’t chat ’bout people affair, but me will say this. Any time a white man start fight for a nigger girl, it mean he liking her too much and that bad for both him, but worse for you.

— Robert Quinn only glad that him belly full and him bed warm.

— Mayhaps is so, but me never see a man so hopping mad as Robert Quinn. He storm right into where Massa Humphrey sleeping. Tell that Creole bitch to stay out of me damn house, he say, right there to Massa Humphrey face. Massa so frighten he didn’t even defend Miss Isobel honour. He just say, Of course, Robby, of course. That was that. Robert Quinn storm out just like he storm in.

— That be him own business, Lilith say.

— Yours too, Homer say.

— Me no care what white people want to fight for, Lilith say.

— Really, now? Well, make sure you heart take kinder to what negro people want to fight for, Homer say. Lilith say nothing. She don’t want to be near Homer.

Lilith don’t say nothing to Robert Quinn and Robert Quinn don’t say nothing to Lilith. Evening come and pass with him still in the field. Night come and pass with nothing but her ghost as company. Lilith wondering why the thin black woman keep coming to her. Maybe she not asking to kill but warning that a killing bound to happen. Maybe the woman be on her side and guarding her like the home spirit that come from the Africa or what the church call angel. Same thing, she think, one just get burn by more sun. Maybe the woman was angel warning her to not sin with wickedness. Or maybe a devil.

Or maybe the woman be the spirit of the head god and the fire of revenge, and maybe is she and not Lilith doing the killing and she, not Lilith, who deserve the blame. Lilith wondering if her burden would be better if some god was in it. Even Homer believe in something, though Lilith don’t know what that be. The only thing she can remember believing was the page from the picture book and the sleeping girl, who different from her in every way but eye.

But now Lilith perplex again. If the girl was sleeping, how she to know the colour eye? The picture coming back in her head but not clear. Is long time that Lilith have to think about what the page really be, what at the edge of paper, what word did on the page that she could read now, but not back then. She think ’bout the white man who dress in a black jacket and who, now that she think, don’t look nothing like Massa Humphrey. She wonder why she used to think so, that maybe there be something in man that make them alike other man, and that thing not be how them look. Maybe is how them stand, maybe is how them walk, or what them say. Robert Quinn still out there beating and killing niggers, Homer did say.

Two day later, right before dawn, three man on horseback ride wicked into Montpelier. A rap come from the door like somebody set to knock it down and Quinn jump, grabbing him musket under the bed. Lilith frighten but Quinn ask who is it and go to the door. Then he come back in and pull on him breeches, grab him boots and leave. Before sunrise Lilith dash out to the great house to hear Homer telling Pallas that Massa Humphrey ride gone with the mens too. Ride gone to Kingston. In the wee hours somebody set fire to Kingston Harbour. Half of the walk burn down and crash into the sea. No ship can dock or set out to sea from Kingston. They have reason to believe that it be the work of negroes. Homer hum a song. She didn’t look happy, but she didn’t look sad neither.

25

EVERY NEGRO WALK IN A CIRCLE. TAKE THAT AND MAKE OF IT what you will. But sometime the circle not be the negro’s but the white man own, and white man circle full of hill and valley and things they say that mean something else. Black man wake up to find circle make for him, beginning with the shackle that lock round him neck. White man circle come by him own choosing. Plenty have choice to walk straight and away, yet plenty come back to where them start. Others never leave. And if you the negro get take up in the white man life, you travel that circle too.

After the Kingston Harbour fire, word spread to the backra that he must be unceasing in him vigilance. Seventeen niggers get round up by the infantry. Most of them get whip, hammer, derby-dose, beat, bludgeon, burn, whip, gibbet or arse fuck with a red-hot poker. The rest get shot, so no slave alive to stand trial. That don’t stop Miss Isobel night riding. Lilith stop going outside to watch her, but Robert Quinn go outside and come back laughing so hard that he throw himself into a hiccup. He go to sleep for a little, but then wake up early to go back out to the cane field. Lilith didn’t sleep. In the evening Robert Quinn come home just in time because Lilith mind was haunting her again.

— God feckin’ damn! he say and throw down two stalk of cane that he take to peeling and chewing. — God feckin’ damn! The man’s lost all claim to good sense. Kingston damn near burns down, something is afoot and all he thinks about is marrying the bitch!

— Massa?

— There’s no place for the militia to be dispatched, no place for merchant ships to dock and take his precious sugar, mind ye, and all he speaks of is finding a feckin’ ring!

— Find ring for what, massa?

— Lilith, do ye think there could ever come a day when ye call me Robert?

— N-no, massa.

Robert Quinn sigh. — This must be a warning, to myself, he say. I should guard my heart after all, he say.

— Massa?

— Huh? Oh, I was…

— Who getting married, sah?

— Yer master, that’s who to goddamn. She’s finally bewitched him. Deceived is more to the matter, totally and horribly deceived. I tell ye this, he cannot, simply cannot, marry that woman.

— Why, m—

— If ye call me by that word one more time.

— Why, M. . Ro. . Lilith don’t know what to say.

— Because. . I regret, I cannot tell you this. Good lord, should I tell him? I haven’t really considered this.

Robert Quinn sit down on the table and pull him legs up. He wrap him arms round him knees. He look at the ceiling, he look at him knees and he look at Lilith.

— Goddamn, what do I do? I ask ye, what am I to do?

Lilith shrug.

— A devil of a thing, keeping a secret, isn’t it? Devil of a thing. ’Tis like God or some blimey bastard just picked ye to be the innkeeper of all this. . this. . truth, so that everybody else can go about lying. Devil of a thing, man. The very devil.

— If you say so, massa.

Robert Quinn sigh again. — I wager a negro, especially a house slave, would be bowed down by a life’s worth of secrets.

— Me don’t have no secret, sah.

— Of course, and me mum named me St. Patrick so that I’d marry Catholic.

Lilith bow down her head.

— Seems to be our lot in life, I fear, he say and smile half-like.

Lilith stare at the ground for a long time. The she unbutton her dress and make it fall to the floor. She half smile but not for long. Robert Quinn look at her with him left eyebrow raise.

— Not the intercourse I was hankering for, he say and get up and go to the bedroom and shut the door. Lilith still in the kitchen, feeling a nasty breeze on her back. She pull up her dress and go to Quinn room. He on the bed shucking off him boot. Lilith open her mouth to ask a question but don’t. He see her.

— That question ye just thought better of asking, what was it?

— Nothing, massa. . Quinn.

— Yawning you were, then, were ye?

— Yes, m—

— Come in, Lilith, and shut the door.

Lilith close the door and watch him pulling off the right boot. She grab the left one. Him toes wriggle but him foot stinking something awful.

— You foots need washing, massa.

— Do you want to wash them, luv?

— They need cleaning or they goin’ stink up the bed.

— That’s not what I asked of ye.

— Massa?

— D’ye want to? Do you have any desire to lay yer hands on me stinky feet? Do you want to or are yer afraid of me and feel ye have to?

— I. .

Quinn pull her down on the bed beside him. He looking straight at her.

— Tell me the very thing you were about to say before you quit, he say.

— Massa.

— Lilith. I demand to know.

Lilith quiet. She rubbing left hand with the right.

— No, I do not. Lilith, I don’t demand it. If it’s yer wish to tell me, please do; if ye don’t, that’s fine as well. I would like to know, though, if ye please.

— Massa. Massa. . I. . You, you have to. . I don’t. . When you. . we can’t forget. We can’t forget.

— Forget what?

— Who be the massa and who be the nigger. Lilith wrap her arm around herself and bow her head. Quinn quiet for a while.

— Aye. Aye. I ask ye, though, who sees us in this room, other than God?

— Nobody, sah.

— Nobody. That’s correct. That’s correct. I’ll strike a bargain with ye, an arrangement, if you will.

— Massa?

Quinn touch her knee.

— This room, these walls, d’ye see ’em, luv?

Lilith say yes.

— Once we’re in this room, inside this room, what if you could say to me whatever comes to ye? Call me whatever you wish. Call me Robert and I’ll call you Lilith. Can you do that, Lilith?

Outside the wind was threatening to answer. — No, massa, she say.

— I’ll beg ye if I have to, he say.

— Backra not supposed to beg nigger nothing, sah.

— And yet here I am, watching you make a beggar out of me. All right. Since you must be this way, I order it, then.

— You commanding slave to be free?

— Yes, I command it. You must call me by the name me mother gave me when we’re in this room. I’m just a man and yer just a girl. And you must say anything you wish or nothing at all if you please. As long as we’re in this room and the door is closed. D’ye understand me, luv?

— Yes, massa.

— No ye don’t. Not at all. The door’s closed, Lilith. And I’m Robert. Robert, Robert, Robert.

Lilith know she can hate a massa, a Massa Quinn or even a Massa Robert. But she can’t hate a Robert, or a Humphrey or a Isobel, for that matter. Him spinning her and she like and dislike what him do. Why a white man want to be nice to a nigger, only to be more wicked later? Why white man love give thing, only to take it back later? She get up quick to leave but he catch her hand and pull her back.

— Look around you, luv. Nothing here but the walls and the dark.

— And what outside?

— I don’t give two shakes of a rat’s arse what’s outside. I’m in here with you, luv, and yer not leaving until you call me Robert.

— Robert.

— Not like I’m yer horse, damn you.

— With all the riding that go on—

— That go. . what? Dear heart, could ye just finish one goddamn sentence? D’ye think I’ll whip you if you speak yer mind? D’ye think I’m a liar, Lilith?

— No, ma. . No, Robert.

— Good. That’s good to know, at the very least.

— Robert.

— That’s my name. Pleased to make yer acquaintance, Lilith.

But she know. She know as soon as he start playing with her name, taking Lilith and Lovey and getting Lily and then going back to Lovey. From he start touching her face and lying down on him back in full clothes and pulling her on top of him. From he hold her and start laugh and never go to take off her clothes even though she feeling him grow. From he start talk like he just come back from wherever the Faerie Queene was hiding them long weeks. She know that her mouth could still say what her heart can’t swear. She know that the loose tongue, more enemy than friend, be all that save her. The same heart that should want to give all to Robert Quinn say no, or mayhaps it can never say yes. So she cry. She cry long and loud and Quinn weep too because mayhaps he think this be the bawling that woman do to cleanse themselves. The bawling that mean she free herself from whatever did bound her and just like a woman she need tears to wash it all away. But Lilith cry because her heart couldn’t cleanse, because she couldn’t wash away nothing and what he want she could never give him. She don’t know why. Mayhaps that be what Massa Humphrey teach her by making them mens nearly kill her. She wanted to give everything to him, she could say that to herself now. But she can’t do this again for he white and he be the overseer and he control the whip and he white and he Irish and he soon tired of her and he white and he be the overseer and some things don’t mean to be and he white. And a nigger girl must be sensible ’bout white man behaviour, for it set like the sun and sunset always different on any given day. She could give herself like she do before and this time never get herself back. No. No. No. She bawling and Quinn think it be tears of joy. And that is what they be, in they way. For a man can make a woman know her true self and what she be is nothing that belong to Quinn. She know that now. So she cry.

The next morning, Lilith get summon to Miss Isobel room.

— Oh, Lilith, if only all women could share in my joy! If only, she say. Then she pause herself for a minute and burst out a laugh that sound dirty like a whore.

— Share indeed. Pox ’pon de stinking, backstabbing, petticoat-shedding lot.

Miss Isobel drive the carriage to Kingston with Lilith beside her. Lilith so frighten that she can’t remember when last she so frighten. Massa Humphrey did say it not too safe for two womens to be riding all the way to Kingston with no man for protection, for that would be going all the way down to the harbour and all sort of drunkards and worse were down there — wicked men, licentious women, perverted sailors who have not seen a woman in months. Indeed, it was the most disgusting city in the empire. Miss Isobel say that she going to Kingston, not Port Royal, and have no fear, no pirates have been seen for ages. Miss Isobel insist, saying she can use a musket and a cutlass better than most man and to get her they would have to catch her first. Massa Humphrey look like he about to take a stand but Miss Isobel would have none of it. He look at Lilith like he sorry for what she about to get into. Robert Quinn tell Lilith to stay away from Greenwich on the harbour, since it be in ruins and populated by the most desperate sort, as if she be the one doing the riding. As she and Miss Isobel ride off, Lilith see Robert Quinn touch Massa Humphrey on the shoulder and whisper. Robert Quinn look at Lilith for a second but then he disappear. Miss Isobel swing the carriage round a corner and them gone.

Kingston. Miss Isobel ride straight down to the harbour that Massa Humphrey warn her about. By Lilith reckoning, they ride for twenty or so miles and when they get to Kingston it be noon. Lilith never before see the place. Is the noise that lick her ears first, the noise of one thing mixing with another and fighting with something else. The noise of coloured and mulatto pickneys, wearing shirts or trousers but never both, and yelling and laughing and screaming as they dodge carriage and cart, and market women, some of them nigger, some mulatto or quadroon or mustee, all selling by the roadside with they basket full of orange, yam, cassava and banana. They turn down Orange Street that litter with even more people moving up and down like mad ants. Most be white mens, but a good few coloured, some wearing loose shirt, old breeches or pantaloons with dirty boots or shoes. Some dress up in fine coat with tails. Some carrying cane, others books, others paper or handkerchiefs, which they use cover they nose when they pass a stink place.

Sometimes the people pack so thick that Miss Isobel halt her carriage and cuss. They turn left and go across two lane to King Street, then head down to the sea. Lilith can see two ships at the harbour. The buildings rise higher on King Street, some having three, four, even five floor. Some even more lavish than a great house, with window even in the roof and columns tall as a tower and wider than the carriage. The buildings colour like the sky or fruit or white woman skin, with French windows bigger than doors. But they stand tight together. Unlike Orange Street, womens be all over King Street, white womens especially. The womens all dress like Miss Isobel but in white clothes or yellow or blue or a plaid pattern. And some don’t have on petticoat so the dress fall flat. Some walk up and down the road, two by two and they stop and talk and whisper when they see one another. Lilith didn’t know that there be white woman who walk. Miss Isobel ride through a little ditch and almost splash a woman in red dots, who then cuss out like a nigger. Some of the womens in buggy and carriage like Miss Isobel. Some of the carriages draw by a niggerman or by a white woman with a negro housemaid in the back. They all hide they nose with a handkerchief when they pass a stink place.

At the bottom of King Street, nearer to the harbour, be the shops. They smaller, and even tighter, most with two floors, the shop at the bottom and what look like living quarters at the top with curtains in the windows. From the shops and stores come all sort of pretty smell. Perfume and powder from England and France that Miss Isobel say we still at war with. They ride past a tall building with a Christmas orb for a roof that name Batty’s Emporium. Lilith almost say it ’loud but catch her tongue. Lilith wondering if it slip before to Miss Isobel that she can read. She could always say that is Robert Quinn teach her and that wouldn’t be no lie. Lilith keep her mouth shut for the rest of the ride. They pass two store and one more by the name Emporium. They pass a shop with a green and bone wall and a tobacco smell that jump out the door and greet the carriage. Some buildings have a balcony that hang over the street with white mens, some of them in red uniform, looking over like they standing guard. Lilith looking at the negro womens selling by the roadside, not far from the shit water, and wonder if they be slave or free for is not Sunday, when slave get leave to sell. Then they pass a building and Lilith read these words quiet-like:

SLAVES, BOUGHT AND SOLD.

She think that Miss Isobel see her this time, but Miss Isobel busy cussing people to get out of her goddamn way. The carriage can barely move now, sake of the crowd of people. Lilith didn’t notice when they start swimming in this sea. Mens, mens and more mens, some dress up in hat, coat and tails and shiny boot, some in blouson and pantaloon, some dirty like nigger even though most white. Most huddle in group of two or three and they talking, whispering, laughing, shouting, but mostly looking forward to the platform. Negroes.

— A fine buck is what we ’ave ’ere, gentlemens, a fine buck! the auctioneer say and he open him tight collar to free him fat neck.

A negro man and a negro woman on the platform. The two naked, save for chain round they neck and another binding they wrist. Both shiny from palm oil that carry scent right up the street. The auctioneer grab the woman little titty and squeeze. The woman yelp and try to run but the man grab her by the hair. A white man whisper something to another white man and the woman beside them slap him, playful-like, on the cheek with her glove.

— A ripe one, this lassie is, not yet fifteen, methinks. Aye, I’m sure of it. An exotic princess was she back in the dark continent, a boon to any household. And fine gentlemen such as you are surely you know a good value, so lets start at one hundred, do I hear one and twenty? the auctioneer say.

One by one hands rise up and Lilith hear what negro woman go for. Montpelier be an estate for three or four generation now and there be so many slave that Lilith can’t remember the last time she see one that come straight from the Africa. Plenty on the estate, but they work the hardest part of the field so that they can get seasoned quick and none allowed to work in the house, sake of how they brutish and chat bad. She look at they body and forget palm oil and wonder if is so they come from the Africa, so shiny that they body glow. But then Lilith see something in the Africa man that she thought was only in the colony nigger. The hunch in the shoulders, the sinking neck. Just off the ship and the Africa man sinking into nigger pose already. He already buckling under backra weight. For all they funny talking and funny smell, Lilith did imagine the African back as always straight, the African leg powerful and the African eye big and wide. But there they was, a man and a woman, and already they body twist into question mark like what Massa Humphrey write.

— One hundred ninety-five, sold! say the auctioneer.

The auctioneer talking ’bout how hard the negroes goin’ work but he point to the negro woman breast and bottom and stuck him finger in her mouth to show her white teeth. He make the man spin round couple time and use him cattle prod to poke the man balls and lift up the man cocky so that it jiggle.

— A right bounty of negroes will be sprouting up from that seed, gentlemen, you might mistake him for a stallion. You may never need to buy a nigger again. Spiting me own self out of business, yes I am. Shall we start at two hundred?

Again, plenty hand shoot up one after the other. Lilith looking at the white mens buying and the black bodies shining and didn’t notice they eye. When she see the woman, the woman was looking at her already. Lilith see them eye before. On Andromeda daughter when she watching her mother spit blood till she dead. But she see it on white man too, on Massa Roget when she pin him to the bottom of the bathtub and he realise he not coming back up. Lilith think she know what frighten is, but didn’t know it until she see the woman face. But is more than frighten, is something else, mayhaps in the eye or the eyebrow, Lilith don’t know. Something else that her mind answer before the question ask. She know the answer. She can’t help nobody out of white man power, not even herself. The woman eye still asking. Lilith don’t know how to fix her eye to say no, so she look at the man and the same question come over him face.

The negro man and woman look round and round, frighten by the dog barking, horse whinnying, wheel crunching, goat mehhhhing, donkey heehawing, womens cussing, mens shouting, pickney playing, cat jumping, whip cracking, people pointing, ladies blushing, flags flapping and sun rising. Lilith watch as they get the frighten eye, the mark of every negro.

— Two hundred ninety pounds! the auctioneer shout and the woman jump. Lilith jump too. A church bell ring from the south and Lilith look at the two negroes again. Lilith wonder what running through bush with no chain on you foot or dog coming after you feel like. And what it feel like to know all of that, then lose it. Do losing feel different from never having? Do a captured nigger be a different nigger? Lilith gone from perplex to melancholy. She surprise that she never talk to a Africa man or woman before. Except Homer. And even Homer, who talk more Africa tongue than most, still don’t talk ’bout the Africa land much.

Miss Isobel yelling that if they don’t let her through, she going to giddy-up her horses and let come what may. The men give her pass. The auctioneer yell, Sold and two white mens come for the negro man. He bolt. The white women stiff and screaming. A naked negro man let loose in they company set off a terror. Some of the womens swoon, some try to run, some hide behind they mens. But the negro man run only so far before the chain yank him by the neck and he drop flat on him back. The auctioneer go to strike the Africa man but stop, perhaps because he remember how much the slave worth. Some of the womens still hide behind they mens. The Africa man make a sound and the white mens laugh and call him beast and monkey. But Lilith know the sound even though she never hear the wail before. She know what he bawling for and force herself not to look in him eye, for she know he looking at her. The carriage take her away.

Lilith look at Miss Isobel. She sweating even though the Kingston air cool, and trying to catch her breath even though the horse doing all the work. Two white mens step in the carriage way and Miss Isobel hide her face quick with her hand, not even watching where she going until the mens dash to the other side. The taller older man cuss but the younger man say nothing. Some of Miss Isobel hair fly out of her bonnet and she grab it quick with her right hand, almost letting go of the reins, and push it back underneath. Miss Isobel looking straight ahead but Lilith look back. The younger man was looking at the carriage and Lilith know she seen him before. She ain’t never been to Kingston and Massa Humphrey don’t keep no friend so it must be a man who did be at the Rogets’ funeral. Plenty mens was there but she remember him now. Miss Isobel did take more notice of him then and he tip him hat to her. Lilith surprise that she remember and Miss Isobel forget, for he wearing the same purple coat — the only one on the street — and the same brown top hat tilt to the left to show him black hair. The carriage take them away but even as he get smaller and smaller he still looking.

Lilith and Miss Isobel come back to Montpelier at about one o’ clock. Robert Quinn waiting at the step when Miss Isobel drop Lilith off. Robert Quinn and Miss Isobel don’t look at each other. She drive off, the back of the carriage full with parcels.

— Fer her wedding dress, luv?

— Yes, massa.

— Yer not helping the cow, are ye? Robert Quinn say.

— Me don’t know how to sew, massa.

— Good. Good. Ye shall have nothing to do with that poppy-show, he say. — Do ye hear me, Lilith?

— Yes, massa.

— Now fix us a proper lunch, will ye? he say.

The next morning, Lilith in the great house kitchen early. Robert Quinn leave out before dawn. Nobody in the kitchen but Homer.

— Me pass a place where they was selling negroes, Lilith say.

Homer put down the knife and the potato she was slicing. She don’t say nothing for a while.

— When you see that? she say.

— Yesterday on the way to the dry goods merchant. They was having auction for negroes.

— Do tell. Me did hear that slave ship come in on Tuesday. How them look?

— How who look?

— The slave them, the Africa mens and womens.

— Me only see two, a man and a woman. The woman go for a hundred ninety-five pounds and the man two hundred ninety.

— Nigger price goin’ up like everything else in this world. How them look?

— Frighten.

— Frighten. Poor sum’bitches don’t know the meaning of frighten yet.

Homer go back to her potato peeling. — But is all right. White man goin’ know the meaning of frighten soon and very soon.

Then she start sing.

— Soon and very soon, we are going to meet the King. Soon and very soon we are going to meet the—

— Me see white man frighten out o’ him wits already.

— What? What you talking ’bout?

— Me see white man frighten before. Frighten like God catch him a sin. Back at Coulibre.

The knife fall from Homer hand.

— Jesus the father. Me did know you was the one.

Homer cover her mouth with one finger and say, Shhh. She look round, outside, out the door and out the window. — You burn down the Coulibre house, she whisper.

— You sound like you never did sure.

— You sound like me was asking question. Me just saying things as they be. What me don’t know is how you manage to burn them up without them trying to escape.

— Me kill them first, Lilith say.

Homer pick up the knife again but pause. She pause long. She turn to the window. She look at the floor. Then she look at Lilith hard.

— Me know you have the darkness, but me didn’t know it so black, she say.

— Blacker than midnight when me ready.

— How you kill Massa Roget?

Lilith go over to the kitchen window to watch slave coffle pass and singing work song.

— You wasn’t at Coulibre the first time Massa Roget heart take set ’pon him.

— No, but me know ’bout it.

— Well, him heart take set ’pon him again. Right when me was giving him bath and him want him cocky jerk. Him ’bout to get out when him heart sick him. Fall right back in the tub and slip under the water.

— Go on.

— Him pull himself up and wheezing and he begging that me must help him. Me help him, all right. Me help him right back down under the water. Me hand on him chest, him trying to wring me titty, but me keep him down. Then me eye see him eye.

Homer silent.

— Sometime he slip from me and sometime he try to grab me hair, but him heart was on my side, the son of a bitch. Him own heart. Me hold him down until him nose start suck in water and bubble come up. Me hold him down until all him cocky stiffen up. Best cockstand that devil ever manage.

The kitchen quiet. Homer look at her hands and Lilith look through the window.

— How long it take him to dead?

— Too long.

— And how it did feel, chile?

— How it did feel? You asking me how it feel? Me don’t know.

— Killing people not an easy thing, you know. Bothersome.

— No, you don’t understand. Killing too easy. That is what me telling you. That is what bother me ’bout it. The mistress walk in ’pon we, so me chase after her and she just screaming and screaming and fall over the balcony.

— Jesus Christ.

— Me never was intending that one.

— You didn’t intend to kill her?

— Not that way, me think. But me don’t know, is like when you see what two hand can do, you just want to do more. It just come over you like anointing. After that, me know it was soon before Miss Isobel come back and the only thing me could think of was to get rid of any trail linking them to me. Fire was the only thing me could think ’bout that could hide everything. Just burn down everything like judgement. Or me wasn’t thinking, me don’t know.

— Hell of a thing to kill a white man.

— Like you would know.

— Me know death, that for sure.

— Knowing and causing it be two different thing. Night and day, as you would say. That’s why me not killing no more.

—’Cause you like it too much?

—’Cause me probably won’t stop.

— Good. Good. Wonderful good. Time we teach these bombocloth devil a lesson. Saint-Domingue point the way and we need to stop skylarking.

— You really don’t know nothing ’bout killing, don’t it? You think ’cause you work Obeah—

— Myal. Me don’t work no Obeah.

— You think ’cause you work magic and somebody get sick or drop down dead is the same thing? It not like killing with you hand, Homer, not a raas claat. You want to know how it feel? You really want to know? Nothing in this world like killing a man. Your skin on him skin, you tearing him chest hair off. You kill just one time and you know why God save murder for himself. Wicked, wicked, wicked. And good. Good. Good. Too good. You understand me? It better than full belly or when a man fuck you good. You do it and you know why white man be master over we. Because he can grab a nigger and kill her just so. Just like that. Only white man can live with how terrible that be.

— You living.

— Me is a murderess. You want that kinda living, then take it. Every nigger have reason for the white man to dead. Me more than most. You can talk all you want, but me shed real blood, and me not shedding no more. Me not killing nobody.

— Them people is not somebody. Me don’t know what them is, but them drain of all peopleness, that must be why they skin white. Lilith—

— Me smell them, you know. The pickneys. Me smell them burning all the time. And me sees them. Me sees them.

— Me have a tea that can fix that.

— Me don’t want it to fix! Me want to remember. You don’t understand. Me want to know why me must never do nothing like that again. Besides, how we to do anything? Them have gun and them is master over we.

— Few years back. You still living with Circe.

— You head take you again, woman? What you talking ’bout?

— Seventeen ninety-five. That’s when me find out that me two baby dead. Hear it from Jack Wilkins only because the man that buy me son come for him money back. When me hear him dead, first me think that something in me just go. Then me realise that whatever in me gone long time. Go to market the next Sunday and see two mens and a woman me know from Jackson Lands. One whole year pass before they tell me ’bout they plot. Every time a nigger plot fail, other nigger take heed and learn. By the time them tell me, nigger on seven estate already plottin’ to kill every backra within a hundred mile.

— All this time me did think is you come up with this.

— Me never come up with nothing. All me did want to do was draw blood. Pallas be the first woman me bring into it. Then Iphigenia, then Callisto, who bring Gorgon. Then Hippolyta. Six tell six tell six. Make freedom news spread like brushfire. Look round you, girl chile. There be thirty-two nigger to one white man on this estate alone. Some is thirty-five to one. The real thing you should be pondering is how come they master over we for so long.

— They have musket.

— Can only fire one shot. Fifteen white man, fifteen shot, and even if them shoot straight, that be only fifteen slave get shot, and even if the fifteen get kill, that still leave near two hundred more.

— You thinking this hard.

— Me born thinking. Look ’pon you. One nigger you be, yet you bring one whole estate down. Cho! You think them better than we?

— No, me stop think that long time ago. Is we not better than them.

— Don’t be damn fool, chile. Black man could be wicked like the devil and you can still find a white man that worse. Them don’t even know how to grow sugar right. Negro man could ’ave teach him to grow cane two times the length if they did only treat we right, but no. Freedom goin’ get musket now, but me talk too long and wall have ears. November soon gone and more talking to do tomorrow.

— Homer. .

— Tomorrow, Lilith.

— Because we are to be mother and father, damn you, Robert! Press me no further, Massa Humphrey say and slam him hand on the kitchen table.

Robert Quinn pacing from one end of the kitchen to the other. He stop at the table and touch Massa Humphrey on the shoulder. — Humphrey, I entreat you, he say.

— No! Enough of this, damn you. I will speak of it no longer.

— Yes, ye damn well will. I will not stand by and watch ye—

— Then leave, for God’s sake. Nobody’s strong-arming you to stay.

— Aye, nobody is doing that, indeed. Is that how it will be? After all I’ve been to. . after Venice?

— You’ll hold that above me as long as I live.

— You’re the one holding yourself to bondage, Humphrey. Do not marry this woman. You don’t know.

— I damn well know all there is to—

— No, you don’t. Trust the voice of a friend. You do not—

Robert Quinn see Lilith at the door and stop. Him red skin get redder. — God feckin’ damn, how long have you been there? he say.

Lilith look away.

— I said, how long have you been there?

— Me just come back, sah, me—

Robert Quinn stomp over to Lilith and Lilith make one back step into the wall behind her. Then he slap her.

— I will not have a goddamned slave sneaking up on me, he say. Lilith grab her cheek and her mouth drop. She look in him eye and don’t see Robert Quinn. — Go to your room! he say. Lilith run. In the room a tear run down her face. But she not crying, she not sobbing and she not wondering if this is Robert Quinn too. She feel something that she don’t feel in a long while. She feel black. Her door still open.

— Don’t ye walk out on me, Humphrey Wilson, I’m not done with ye yet.

— I’ll do as I damn well please, Quinn. Don’t forget who’s in whose employ. Now, I’ll thank you to remember your place and speak no ill of the person who’s to be my wife.

— But. .

— Or find some other means of employment. You are rather skilled for an Irishman. You’ll not be wanting in opportunities, I assure you.

— Humphrey, fer God’s sake.

— I bid you good-bye, Quinn.

Lilith listen to the boot stomp across the floor and out the door and down the four steps. She hear the footsteps on the dirt, the horse whinnying and galloping away. She hear another boot step, slower coming into the room. She hear him getting slower and closer. Robert Quinn touch Lilith shoulder and she flinch. She don’t look up to him face. Robert Quinn hiss and leave the room.

Lilith get up before dawn and go to the great house kitchen. She push the door but it lock. She push the door again, for Homer always up before dawn. Lilith knock and the door open. Homer frowning but she let Lilith in. Inside be Pallas and Callisto. Pallas shove something inside her bosom.

— You forget one, Pallas say and Callisto pick a bullet off the counter.

— Make haste, Homer say. Callisto unwrap a piece of osnaburg and reveal a musket. Pallas wrap it in banana leaf and put it in her basket. Lilith go to ask but say nothing. She slip past the door and leave through the main entrance. She go down the steps and look out at the sun that still trying to come over the hill. In the kitchen she brewing tea and boiling pudding. Robert Quinn come in huffing and puffing. Him left eye dark with bruise and getting darker. He sit down at the kitchen table and quiet. Lilith quiet too but don’t know what to expect.

— Ye won’t be making tea for me much longer, lovey, Robert Quinn say. — Appears I’ve been dismissed.