The Chantry Guild

CHAPTER 19

He reached the office and found it empty, the blanket down from the window, the bed made and tilted up into its storage position against the wall. There was something finished and over with about the room that brought a sadness like the pain from the thrust of a dull knife, deep into him. He turned and went through the office's inner door and along a corridor to the dining area of the building the office was in.

Amanda was not there. The room was all but empty of breakfasters. "Friend?" The server on duty behind the counter with its trays of breakfast foods called to him. Hal turned. "You're to go to Amid's Reception Building," said the server. "Amanda's waiting for you there, with another new visitor. " "Thanks," said Hal.

He left and went to the small building which had been the first he had entered here on the evening of his arrival. Amid was there, seated with Amanda, and not only Artur, but Simon Graeme as well, around a fireplace that now in the growing warmth of day held no fire in it, only a few blackened ends of Wood and the ashes, cold and gray, from the previous night's blaze. The pine cone paperweight gleamed on the desk in the daylight.

"There you are," Amanda said as he came in. "Come sit by me, here."

He went to the empty chair beside her and sat down. She put out a hand to him and for a second he held it and then their grasp fell apart. "How do you feel?" asked Amid. "A little washed out," said Hal. "Nothing another night of ordinary sleep won't cure."

He looked back at Amanda, and Simon just beyond her. "Hello, Simon," he said. "You look a little washed out yourself. " "Hello, Hal." Simon smiled, a little ruefully. "Mountain climbing, even down - mountain's, not something I'm in training for. "

Hal's gaze turned on Amanda. "You're leaving?" "If I can trust you to take care of yourself in that circle from now on," said Amanda. "Simon can go back to the near vicinity of Old Earth, and fire off a millisecond message to the Final Encyclopedia telling them how we're settled, then immediately jump clear of the Solar System and come back to stand sentinel over us from orbit. I've got a full district I ought to be covering locally, since no one's seen me since I left to go back and get you. It'll take a month to cover it all, but I'll never be more than a couple of days' march from here. So if you need me, signal Simon with our cloth display system, and he'll either' go get me, or pass the word to me to make it back here. What about it? Do you think you might need to stay as long as a month?" "I could, very possibly," said Hal. He looked at Simon. "Where's the ship?" "In a crack up back in the mountains, out of sight from here or anyone below," Simon answered, his heavy-boned Graeme face under its dark brown, thick hair lit up with a wry smile. "Amanda put out the signal late yesterday and I landed last night, but I had to wait for near day to climb down to you if I didn't want to break my neck in the dark." "How much of a climb is it back up to it?" "A couple of hours, at most," Simon answered. "Slower up than down."

Hal nodded. He reached out for Amanda's hand again, and felt her fingers close with his. "I hate to see you go," he said. "I know," she answered softly. "But I'm not needed here, and I am out there."

He nodded. "I guess that's it then," he said. "If anything changes or develops for me, here, I'll call you back." "And I'll not waste any time coming-oh, before I forget it again," said Amanda, turning to Amid, "I've been meaning to mention this. A few hours' walk from the bottom of our mountain, here, there's a wild little girl in the woods who came out to take a look at us but was too quick for us to catch. Someone ought to be looking after the child. Do you suppose some of the people from here could go down there and catch her? It'll take a dozen at least. She's fast, and woods-wise." "Hmm," said Amid. "Maybe I'd better let you answer that, Artur?"

The big man shifted uneasily in his chair as the rest all looked at him. "You see, Amanda," said Artur slowly, "we - I know all about that girl. Her name's Cee. Actually, she's my niece." "Your niece?" Amanda was staring at him. "Then why haven't you done something about her before this?" "Artur has, and does-" Amid was beginning, but Artur lifted a hand. "I'd probably better explain it all," he said. "My sister, her husband, and Cee - Cee was only seven years old, then - lived fairly close to here. In fact, where you saw Cee probably wouldn't be too far from where their home was."

His face clouded and he clenched one hand into a heavy fist with which he beat softly on the arm of the chair he sat in. "The trouble was, I was so bound up in the Chantry Guild - we'd just begun to use the ledge here, but we hadn't yet really moved up to it - that all those first seven years of her life, I hardly saw my sister's house, and Cee..." "There's no point in blaming yourself for what's past," said Amid. "We've discussed that a number of times." "I know. But if I'd just dropped by half a dozen times a year, just enough so that the Pirl would realize I was one of the family... only I didn't, and you're right, it does no good to keep going over and over that fact now."

He hesitated. "The point is," he said to Amanda, "Cee never got to know me. I've never been anything more than a stranger to her, and she doesn't trust strangers. With good reason." " 'Good reason,' have anything to do with our friends, the Occupation troops?" asked Amanda.

Artur looked at her brilliantly. "I thought you might guess that," he said. "Yes, just after we'd hidden ourselves up here on the ledge, the Occupation went around killing all the relatives of people known to belong to the Guild. There was no warning for any of them. One day up here, we heard explosions and, using a scope screen, we found troops in the woods less than half a kilometer from here. Some of us went down to the place where my sister's home had been - this was before they destroyed all the country homes and moved people into town - but there was nothing left but a pile of rubble. We found enough of my sister and her husband to know they had been killed by the explosions that destroyed their house. We searched for Cee, found nothing there or anywhere near, and when she didn't show up, we checked and made sure there was no one alive under the rubble. The soldiers were going back and forth below us frequently in those days. It wasn't practical to really dig into the rubble without giving away the fact we'd been there. So we assumed she was dead under it somewhere. So we gave up temporarily, and then, some of us, slipping into the towns nearby for things we needed occasionally, began to hear about a wild little girl in the woods up this way. "

He stopped. Beads of sweat were standing out on his forehead. "It wasn't until nearly a year later that I began to believe that the stories were anything more than that, and that the wild girl might be Cee. I went down to find out, and I soon found you could look forever and not locate her, because she'd be seeing you long before you saw her and keeping out of your way. So I started going down there and just sitting. I sat, and after a number of trips, when I was sitting, I began to catch glimpses of her, getting just close enough to watch-and gone at once, if I turned my head to get a square look at her."

He beat his fist softly on the chair arm again. He was looking past Amanda now, at nothing unless it was his own memories of those times he had sat, hoping that the little girl would move into his field of vision. "I kept that up. It was incredible she'd survived, all by herself that way, but as you know, you can live off the country, here, the year around. And we've got no real winter. The temperature hardly varies. The only problem is rain, which isn't a problem unless it comes in the winter months and then it comes down pretty steadily. But all she'd need would be some place to get in out of it, a cave, or even a hollow tree. Anyway, it was true. My little niece had become like a wild animal." "She was old enough when her parents died to know about other people," said Amanda. "You'd think she'd have gone looking for, if not you, for someone she knew who'd been a friend of her parents." "They hadn't - my sister and her husband weren't hermits by any means," said Artur. "But they believed in being as self-sufficient as possible, living off the land and making what little money they needed out of their wood carvings - they were both sculptors. Also, like me, my sister tended to tie into an idea and see nothing but that. They didn't have any close friends, they were off in the woods by themselves - and I really think that their deaths, the way it happened, did something to Cee. She's not really sane, I suppose. Still" He fell silent. "Go on," said Amid gently, "tell them the rest of it." There were beads of sweat still on Artur's forehead. Aside from that, his face showed no particular expression. But now his hands clenched on the ends of the chair arms beneath them. " I sat for weeks, " he said, "and gradually she began to come closer to me, a little at a time. She'd stay at a certain distance for days, and then, one day, she'd be just a bit nearer. I'd learned by that time not to watch her, except out of the corners of my eyes, and I never showed in any way that I knew she was gradually closing the distance between us."

He laughed, a little shortly, but his forehead was still damp and his hands still gripped the ends of the chair arms. "I got to be very good at pretending not to notice - so good I could almost convince myself I wasn't the least bit interested in her - and all the while, day and night, I was carrying around a load of guilt because I hadn't searched harder for her after the explosion that killed my sister and her husband. I got very good at listening. I could hear her, quiet as she was, when she started to get very close behind me. And still I never moved, I didn't give her any cause to suspect that I was just waiting for her to get within arm's reach."

He stopped and wiped his brow with the back of one hand. "She finally came right up to me," he said. His voice had acquired a strange deadness, as if what he was starting to tell them now was beyond emotion. "She came up right behind me, and I felt a touch - oh, what a light little touch it was - against the back of my robe. Just a moment's touch, and no more. But still I didn't move. I was still waiting, and, after a long while I began to see something out of the corner of my left eye. She was inching around to look at my face up close. And I let her come...

He stopped. This time Amid said nothing. They merely all waited. After a long moment, he went on. "She came around. She was moving by twitching her heels a tiny distance sideways, then twitching the front ends of her feet next, in the same direction. I didn't move. I hardly breathed. When she came around by my left knee, so that she was in plain view, just inches away, I still kept staring straight ahead, as if she was unimportant, as if she wasn't there. And so she came all the way round in front of me, so that I had to look into her face or move my eyes. And we looked at each other .

He broke off. "Go on, man. TelI them!" said Amid, as the silence went on and on. "Wonderingly-" The word came out like a gasp. "She looked at me so... wonderingly, as if she was searching my face for something to find that she'd know. I never should have tried what I did. I should have known better. From the beginning I should have realized it'd take someone more patient. Old Man could have done it. He'd have waited. He knows how to wait. I've seen him put the tip of one of his fingers slowly under a moth perched on a twig and pick it up on that finger, off the twig, so softly and easily that the moth doesn't fly away. But she belonged to me... she was my niece, all that was left of my sister's family."

He stopped talking for a moment. Then brought his gaze back to focus on Amanda, and went on. "And so," he said, "when she finally stood there in front of' me, right in reach, searching my face with those eyes of hers - hazel eyes they are and large - without really thinking, supposing that somehow she'd come to understand later and everything would be all right once I'd brought her up here - I reached for her. I grabbed at her."

He hesitated, but just long enough to draw a deep breath, this time. "She was fast," he said. "I can't believe how fast she was. I could have sworn no human being could come that close within my reach and not be caught. But my hand barely touched her. And she was gone."

He stopped. He breathed, another si-h that this time was so deep it seemed to empty him, and his large body slumped in its chair. "And since then, she won't come near you," said Amanda.

He nodded. "I sit - I've sat for two years since then," Artur said. "And she comes. Sometimes I just catch a glimpse of her, but whether I see her or not, I know it' she's there. But she's never come within ten meters of me, since. And sooner or later, something'll go wrong. Something will bring soldiers by, and one of them - she always comes to look at anyone who goes by - some soldier'll shoot her. Or she'll get sick and hide herself in some hole where no one can find her, and die. She's all alone down there-"

He broke off on a single, hoarse, dry sob that shook his heavy chest. "I can't do anything," he said. "She won't come near me." "Of course not," said Amanda gently. "What do you expect'? When you reached for her that way, you just confirmed whatever it is that makes her what she is. She'll never come close to anyone as long as you're around." "What can I do?" Artur looked at her. "I can't just forget about her and leave her alone down there!" "Send a woman," said Amanda. "Didn't you ever think of that? I'd guess even your Old Man wouldn't have a chance at her now. Also now that I know what her story is, it's plain my idea of a group taking her would be the last thing to try. It'd probably destroy whatever chance there is of her becoming half-normal again, if she was taken by force. But a woman, starting from scratch, could get close enough to make friends with her. Note, I said make friends with, not grab. The day she'll come home to you safely will be the day she comes up to this ledge of her own free will, holding the hand of someone she trusts."

Amanda stopped. Artur stared almost blindly at her. "I'd do it myself," said Amanda, "but I've got other responsibilities, and she's still only one life, while there're hundreds of lives within two days' walk of here who can use my help. It'll take time to do, probably. Time I can't spare for that alone, in any case. But there must be a woman member of the Guild who could help you."

She reached out to put a hand on his arm. "The hard part for you," she added, "is going to be staying away while the woman makes friends with her." "Yes..." Artur's face twisted, then straightened out. "Woman! I'd never thought of that.- "You should have." said Amanda. "The soldiers were probably all men, judging by what I've seen of the Occupation forces. And she wits well enough up in years to know the difference and what she is, herself. You can try it." "I will. Thank you, I will." His face twisted again for just a second. "But it'll be hard not going down to see her, day after day, just as you say."

He stood up. "Never mind. That's what I'll do. If you'll excuse me, Amid. I think I'd like to go and look for someone to help me with Cee right now. "

"Just a second, " said Amanda. " Before you go, can you telI me what the idea was of that vine around her waist, and what it is she carries in the pod in the middle of it?" "Rocks," said Artur. "My sister, Mila, and Petay, her husband, used to hunt rabbits as part of their food. Petay could throw a rock accurately enough to kill a rabbit from some little distance. He'd wait until one sat up with its head above the ferns to look around and then aim at its neck. If he was a little high he'd still get the head. If he was a little low he'd still strike a shoulder area and slow the creature down so that he could run it down and catch it.-"

"They weren't pure vegetarians, then, your sister and brother-in-law" Amanda asked. "No," said Artur, "luckily for Cee. She's got no access to diet supplements. Mila preferred to use a sling - you know like the sort of sling they used on Old Earth in very ancient times. Whether Cee learned from the two of them, or practice made her good at hunting since she's been on her own, I don't know, but she kills rabbits regularly for her own eating, both ways. She can throw very hard and accurately with a sort of sidearm swing, or she can use the vine and pod, or something else as a sling, to kill from a greater distance. When you tried to catch her, did she make any motion to use the vine, or take one of the rock's out of' it?" "No,- said Hal.

Artur nodded. "She wasn't too frightened of you, then. She must have been sure she could get away. But she does know what she can do with those rocks - as I say, whether she had lessons from Mila or Petay or not - and I've always been afraid that if soldiers came up here and chased her she might try to use the rocks on them. Then they undoubtedly would shoot her!"

He turned abruptly to Amid. "Forgive me. Amid," he said, unusually brusquely for an Exotic, "but the sooner I find someone as Amanda suggests... " "Go ahead, go ahead!" said Amid. When the door had closed behind Artur's back, he turned to Amanda. "I don't think you'll ever know how much of a help that suggestion of yours was to Artur, just now. Well, never mind that, now. HOW soon had you planned to leave"" 'Right away," she answered. "Both Simon and I'll be going our separate ways."

She looked at Hal and smiled a little, regretfully. "Let's step outside and have a word by ourselves, before you go, " Hal said to her. "Amid, Simon - you'll forgive us'? We won't be more than a few minutes. "By all means," said Simon, "we've got all the time there is. Take what you want."

Amid simply waved them out. Once in the open air and the sunshine beyond doors, Hal began to pace toward the ledge. Amanda walked along with him. Their hands joined automatically. They walked without speaking until they came near the edge and turned, so that they walked along it, with empty air on their left and the further, vertical cliff-face of rock behind the ledge some distance to their right. "There's everything to say, and no good way to say just part of it," murmured Hal finally.

"I know. It doesn't matter." said Amanda. "You'll find what you want, and then I'll be back." "And Simon'll take us back to the Encyclopedia, then we'll be apart again. Or will you even be coming back with me. There's no real need, if you're tied to your work here." "If I can be of use, I'll go anywhere with you, my Hal,'' she said. "You know that. If I'm not really needed by you, though. I am needed in other places." "Yes." Hal had it sudden mental picture of how they look to the Guild members outside the buildings who happened to look this way. The tall man and the tall woman, holding hands, their heads close together in conversation as they walking along the edge of the emptiness beyond the cliff edge. "Somewhere, somewhen, there's got to be time for just being together. Time to shut ourselves away from anything else, without having to keep an eye on the need to go back to duties."

He searched her face with his eyes. "Life ought to owe us that much for ourselves, shouldn't it? "Are you asking Amanda - who loves - you, or Amanda - who-"

"Both," said Hal. "Amanda-who-loves-you promise some day will have the rest of our lives together.

"And Amanda-who-sees" Her face very still. "That's one thing, Amanda-who-sees isn't able to see." She stopped and turned to face him. "Oh, don't I trust Amanda-who-loves-you? Don't you trust her, too? She trusts you." "Always." He smiled down at her. "I always trust her. first and foremost..."

They went back to walking again. "Do you have any idea at all of how long you'll he here'!" asked Amanda after a moment.

He shook his head. "I'm at the point now where I'm beginning to pull strings together in my own mind." "Which strings'?" "I think, mainly, the strings to Western and Eastern thinking. in spite of the three hundred years the race has been on worlds beyond Old Earth, those two schools of human thought still need to be reconciled in lots of ways. Then, there're the strings to the past, to the present, and the future, to be brought together, and the strings to the real universe and the Creative Universe. Many, many strings. Too many. actually, to hope I could pull them all together, here and now. All I can hope is to tie enough of them in with each other so I can move up the line and begin tying in the rest." "But you do feel I was on the right track, bringing you here?" said Amanda. "Yes," he answered. "There's something necessary to be learned in this place, at this time. Something I need, in this whole idea of a second Chantry Guild and particularly in Jathed's Law. I've to understand that Law, understand it absolutely. But you know, there're probably other things I don't recognize yet as important to everything I work for, that are here, too, and need taking into account, here was a researcher once, long ago. who said that whenever a source or a reference was really needed, it'll manifest itself out of the continuum. And centuries ago, back in the old days of magazines, editors used to talk about the fact that all of a sudden a number of writers would simultaneously submit stories about the same idea - writers who in many cases didn't even know each other. Then, of course, there're the historical facts about important inventions, or technological advances, appearing at the hands of two or more entirely separate inventors or workers, at almost the same time - and a arguments about who came up with that first. "I don't see how simultaneity like that ties, into your problem," said Amanda. "Oh, sorry," said Hal. "You're the only person who hits to suffer this from me - I got to thinking out loud around you. What I'm driving at is that I have to go on the premise that wherever I am there may be historically important forces at work in making me see what I see. Forces I should recognize - in things like Old Man, Artur, or even the little girl, Cee."

Amanda frowned. "I don't see any connection, myself, between any of those, people and what you're after," she said. "But now we're in your work area, not mine. Anyway..."

She stopped, turned to him and reached up to put her arms around his neck and kiss him. "I've got to get moving," she said. "It's a good two days' walk to the little town I want to go to first, and part of today has already been used up." "Does it make all that much difference" said Hal wistfully. "You, of all people, to say that!" replied Amanda, starting to lead them back to where Amid and Simon waited for them. "How would you like it if you got to a town just one hour too late to save someone's life'' "Yes," said Hal. "Of course. You're right. But that can't be something that happens often - never mind. You're quite right. If it only happens once, that's reason enough for not wasting time. "

He smiled at her. "But there's a human limit to the amount of help anyone can give," he said.

"You say that" She linked arms with him and they went back in a shared silence that, though warm, was both deep and thoughtful and still in it, returned to the small building that was the Guildmaster's main office.