The Collected Dashiell Hammett

The Great Lovers (Article)

The Smart Set, November 1922

Now that the meek and the humble have inherited the earth and it were arrogance to look down upon any man — the apologetic being the mode in lives — I should like to go monthly to some hidden gallery and, behind drawn curtains, burn perfumed candles before the images of:

Joachim Murat, King of Naples, who mourned, “Ah, the poor people! They are ignorant of the misfortune they are about to suffer. They do not know that I am going away.”

The Earl of Chatham, who said, “My lord, I am sure I can save the country and no one else can.”

Louis XIV of France, who perhaps said, “L’etat c’est moi,” and who, upon receiving news of the battle of Ramillies, cried, “God has then forgotten all that I have done for Him!”

William Rufus, who held that if he had duties toward God, God also had duties toward him.

Prince Metternich, who wrote in his diary, “Fain’s memoirs of the year 1813 are worth reading — they contain my history as well as Napoleon’s”; and who said of his daughter, “She is very like my mother; therefore possesses some of my charm.”

Joseph II of Austria, who said, “If I wish to walk with my equals, then I must go to the Capuchin crypt.”

Charles IV of Spain, who, playing in a quartet, ignored a three-bar pause which occurred in his part; and upon being told of his mistake by Olivieri, laid down his bow in amazement, protesting, “The king never waits for anyone!”

The Prince of Kaunitz Rietberg, whose highest praise was, “Even I could not have done it better”; and who said, “Heaven takes a hundred years to form a great genius for the generation of an empire, after which it rests a hundred years. This makes me tremble for the Austrian monarchy after my death.”

Virginicchia Oldoni, Countess of Castiglione, who kissed the baby, saying, “When he is grown up you will tell him that the first kiss he ever received was given him by the most beautiful woman of the century.”

The Lord Brougham, who paid for his dinner with a cheque, explaining to his companions, “I have plenty of money, but, don’t you see, the host may prefer my signature to the money.”

Paul of Russia, who had his horse given fifty strokes, exclaiming, “There, that is for having stumbled with the emperor!”

And Thomas Hart Benton, who, when his publishers consulted him concerning the number of copies of his book, Thirty Years’ View, to be printed, replied, “Sir, you can ascertain from the last census how many persons there are in the United States who can read, sir”; and who refused to speak against Calhoun when he was ill, saving, “When God Almighty lays His hands on a man, Benton takes his off!”...