The Confession

43

I called a friend of Leonek’s with connections to Yalta Boulevard, but he could do nothing. So I took a long walk through the city, trying to work out the puzzle of the impossible. And I ended as I began: powerless.

I wanted to just call him. He would have understood. But Georgi deserved better. When he opened the door it was hard to look at all the hope in his face, so I turned to the floor. When I looked back, the hope was gone.

We got drunk. There was a long night ahead of us, so we tried not to drink too quickly, but once we’d started there was no stopping us. I held up a finger and said I needed to call home, because I’d stayed out last night and had forgotten to let Magda know.

“Slept somewhere else?” Georgi frowned.

“Where were you last night?” said Magda.

“Busy. A case. Sorry I didn’t call, it was irresponsible. But I’m not going to be home tonight either. I’m over at Georgi’s.”

“That’s fantastic.”

“He got a notice.”

“A what?”

“He has to go to Yalta Boulevard tomorrow. A document check.”

“Well, I,” she began, then inhaled. “Oh Christ. You don’t mean…”

“I’m going to stay the night with him. Look, it’s probably nothing.”

“Yes. Yes, right. I hope so. Can’t you do anything for him?”

“I’ve tried.”

“Give him my love.”

It was the first time in memory she’d ever offered Georgi such a thing. But Georgi smiled when I delivered it, and said, “I always liked that woman. Haven’t I always said that? Because it’s true.”

“You’ve always said it.”

“But listen. Was it Vera last night? I can see it was Vera. I might be going off to some cold prison, but you and Magda need to make up.” He raised his glass. “For the good of the country.”

“You should be talking to Magda about this.”

“It’s a two-sided thing, a marriage.”

“You’ve never been married.”

“True, true.”

“Anyway, I’ve been trying for too long. As far as she’s concerned, we’re no longer man and wife.”

He didn’t like the sound of that. “She told you this?”

“She’s sleeping with my oldest friend, isn’t that enough?”

Georgi, for the first time in his life, had nothing to say.

I brought the brandy from the kitchen. We went at it.

He was resolute in his doom. I admired him for it, and told him. He grimaced. “You know, this is the way heroes go down. They smile agreeably as they’re led to the wall. They sing a song as the bullet comes at them.”

“Don’t say that.”

“I’m past the terror. You should have seen me this morning.”

“I did see you this morning.”

“I mean after I talked to you. I threw up in an alley and wept on the tram. You know what I wanted more than anything? A wife to cry to. That’s what I wanted. Why can’t I settle down? What’s my flaw?”

“You’ve got no flaws, Georgi.”

He winked, then leaned forward and tapped my knee. “Fill me up, okay?”

We drank until early morning, then slept where we sat. He cried a few times when he was very drunk, but held on for most of the night. After a short rest, we had coffee, and he leaned his head on my chest a moment. I put my arms around him. No tears, just a momentary loss of strength. He washed himself thoroughly, because, as he said, he didn’t know when he’d get the chance again. Then I drove him to Yalta Boulevard, number 36. An

unassuming beige facade: a prewar administrative office. The only difference now was the crest above the door-the hawk with its head turned aside-and the simple sign: MINISTRY FOR STATE SECURITY, CENTRAL.

A handsome, uniformed guard standing just beyond the heavy wooden doors read Georgi’s summons. He smiled serenely and told me I could not enter. I started to protest, but Georgi squeezed my arm. “Let’s not make trouble.” He kissed my cheeks and passed through the inner doors alone.

I waited in the car, watching women pass in their winter scarves, and kept looking back at the door with the hope that he would come bursting out, grinning with wild relief. Maybe I could have sent him out of the country. Buying someone passage east was no problem, but Georgi would have only been safe in the West. That was beyond my means.

After a half hour, I started the engine and drove.