The Emerald Lie

Park Wilson was yet again being interviewed by the Guards. They knew they had no concrete evidence but no harm in trying. The rattle-the-cage method. The only one rattled was Park’s aunt, Sarah. She had immediately called the lawyer, who quite crossly snapped,

“Say nothing, keep saying nothing.”

Then, practicing his own advice, hung up.

Sarah, getting right in Sergeant Ridge’s face, implored,

“Can you please stop this harassment?”

Ridge gave a vaguely tolerant smile.

“Inquiries must be followed.”

Sarah, throwing up her hands, turned to Park, who was sitting peacefully in an armchair, demanded,

“Park, say something!”

He looked at Ridge, said,

“Beware of heard and sounds like bird

... And dead; it’s said like bed, not bead.”

Ridge, dressed in full sergeant’s regalia and with two brutes of Garda, had decided she was going to get a result. She got right in Park’s face. He seemed to be actually looking at a point beyond her head. She pushed,

“Do you get the effect you’re having on your poor aunt?”

His head snapped back and he near spat,

“Effect?”

... long withering pause.

“Affect?”

“Affect is a verb, effect is a noun, and you would do well to remember that, woman.”

Ridge was near speechless, tried,

“What?”

Park gave her a blissful smile, said,

“A cat has claws at the end of its paws.

... A comma’s a pause at the end of a clause.”

Ridge threw up her hands in exasperation, said,

“You are required to report to the Guards station every Thursday morning. Failure to do so will entail immediate revocation of your bail.”

He continued to smile at her, muttering now about dropped subjunctives. She gave the aunt a hard look and signaled to the Guards they were done.

For now.

Outside she let loose a string of obscenities. The Guard nearest her observed,

“The guy is a raving lunatic.”

She agreed that might be so but he was a particularly sly one. The other Guard asked,

“So how are we going to catch him?”

Ridge told the truth.

“I have no fucking idea.”

The Guard thought that was choice language for a lady but kept that thought to himself.