The Face That Must Die

Chapter XXV

So now she knew where he lived. He spied on her through a crack between the curtains. He ought to have killed the old woman as well, instead of letting her presence deter him. At last the girl slunk into the fog. She must have been making sure that he knew he was trapped.

Would she send the police for him? Let them come – he’d make some cuts in the police force. His joke failed to sustain him. He felt shrunken, a rat in a trap; his mind felt crushed. He would flee, except that there was nowhere to go besides the fog.

He sat in the centre of the anonymous room, facing the door, razor in hand. He listened to the radio. It might warn him, or help him somehow; surely his luck hadn’t deserted him entirely. The gathering night robbed him of the room. He found himself listening for words, he didn’t know which, that would tell him what to do. There must be someone on his side. Blurred stations drifted behind the newsreader’s voice. Horridge sat forward; the blade clicked. What was that about conspiracy?

But the blurred voice had gone. Oh yes, he knew about conspiracies; the world was full of them. Even presidents could be involved in them, which showed that anyone might be. Sometimes the plotters were careless enough to be found out, but what of those who weren’t? What about those homosexuals and their dupes, conspiring against him?

When he switched on the light the walls didn’t retreat far. He shut off the radio, which was trying to distress him. He couldn’t bear waiting; the room seemed like a condemned cell. Where could he hide? Where might the police not look for him?

Yes, of course. He never went to the pub – but he could pretend to be one of the herd. Why, that would make him seem normal by their standards; he would be unobtrusive there. He transferred his documents into his raincoat, in case the police broke in, and left.

Men were tramping along the path. Were they going to the pub? They looked brainless enough – too brainless to conspire against him. He followed them, so as not to be alone in the fog.

He’d judged their destination rightly. Already the pub was crowded. Addicts, all of them – but at least the sots would be too befuddled to plot against him. He reached the bar at last and bought himself a lemonade, despite the barmaid’s faint amused contempt. She was there to serve, not to have opinions.

On his way to an empty table, he stooped to pat a dog: some animals were trustworthy, unlike human beings. Then he saw it was a blind man’s dog. Wasn’t its owner watching him? Horridge restrained himself from snatching the dark glasses and hurried to his table.

He surveyed the enemy. A few people sat alone, drinking morosely. Mightn’t they be connected, perhaps communicating by signs? They looked secretive enough. Whenever he caught one of them gazing, the gazer glanced quickly away. Were they homosexuals, or police? He suspected there wasn’t much difference.

Whenever he sipped his lemonade or moved in any way, there came a burst of laughter. Of course it was never from the same direction. They wouldn’t affect him with such a cheap trick – nor with the remarks he could almost hear. Was someone talking in a foreign language? Was it Russian? The dim light seemed to hold him fast, like amber.

He watched the television perched above the bar. Tobacco smoke befogged its screen. Policemen beat up criminals; an orchestra urged them on. “Step into a dream and leave reality behind,” sang an advertisement for a holiday camp. Oh yes, that was what they’d like everyone to do – but they wouldn’t cloud his mind, not with drugs or anything else.

Behind him a workman was talking about “doing a foreigner.” That didn’t mean getting rid of an immigrant; it meant sneaking away from your job to do work while your employer wasn’t watching. It showed how foreigners weren’t to be trusted. Someone sat down opposite Horridge.

He glanced at the man, ready to glare him away. Company would distract and discomfort him. It was Mr Fearon the key-cutter, gazing curiously at him. “I never knew you came here,” the old man said.

“ Didn’t you?” Horridge managed to speak coolly, though his heart was frantic to escape.

“ I don’t see the point in coming here, lad, if you’re going to drink that stuff.”

Did the lemonade make Horridge look effeminate? It might draw attention to him. He rose angrily and struggled to the bar to demand a pint of beer. On the television screen, a beer glass jerked itself thicker and taller, growing gigantic; its cap of froth bulged. “Big head,” a male chorus praised it. “The body that satisfies – it can’t be modest no matter how it tries.” How could they get away with broadcasting such filth?

Though he would have preferred to avoid the old man, he had to return to his place; no other seat was empty. The drinkers who pretended to be alone were still spying. Mr Fearon nodded approvingly at the beer. “That’s right, lad. That’s what you need.”

“ I don’t need it at all.”

“ You’re a bit on edge, aren’t you?” The old man seemed to lose interest in him, and gazed at the News. The newsreader muttered amid the uproar. At last Mr Fearon said “I see they’ve caught that murderer.”

Horridge spoke sharply, to cut through the dizziness that had spread from his mouthful of beer. “Which murderer?”

“ Which one?” The old man gazed quizzically at him, as though amused by his sharpness. “Which one do you mean?”

Oh no, Horridge wasn’t caught so easily. They both knew perfectly well whom they meant. He gulped his beer, for the old man had been staring at it, making out that he intended to hold it untouched all night.

“ You’d call him a murderer, would you?” Horridge said.

“ Wouldn’t you?”

He’d had enough of this game of questions. It was time someone had the courage to state a few facts. Deep in the uproar a voice was babbling like a madman’s, but that wouldn’t make Horridge crack. “I’d call him a guardian of the law,” he said. “Someone who stands up for what he knows is right. If the law won’t deal with corruption, someone must. A few more like him and the world would be a lot cleaner.”

He was saying too much. Shut up, he screamed at himself, shut up! But the old man appeared not to be listening; he was staring past Horridge at the television. Giddy with suspicion, Horridge turned. The newsreader’s face was staring straight at him.

The man looked down, pretending to read his script – too late. They were using the television to watch Horridge. It must be easy, with all these bugging devices. And by God, Mr Fearon was in league with them – the old man had been pumping him to make him talk! Before he could restrain himself, his hand plunged into his coat pocket.

He gasped. Oh God, his birth certificate had the names written on it. If they caught him now, that would be evidence against him. He lurched to his feet and stumbled away; his head felt sodden with beer. “Too much for you?” Mr Fearon said.

As Horridge dodged between the stools that barred his way everywhere, as he battled his way through the hubbub that clung to him, he saw his grandfather entering the pub. The old face was strong and calm as a rock. Horridge ran to him, kicking aside a stool. His luck hadn’t changed, he was saved. But it was an old drunkard, his cheeks redly laced.

Horridge staggered into the night. His head was unsteady and brimming; fog had seeped into his skull. By an irony which amused him not at all, his drunkenness helped him find his way home; he kept tramping doggedly until he saw the notice, torn now.

When he opened the door he heard them waiting for him in the dark, muttering. It took him minutes to ease the door shut, and to bare the razor-blade. It was only the voice of the plumbing, the incoherent voice of a madman locked in darkness. It wouldn’t send him mad, they needn’t bother trying.

He felt his documents hanging on him. He had nothing with which to rub out the names. Gardner, Peter David. Gardner, Catherine Angela. He snarled at them: no doubt they too would like to see him locked up. He hid the documents in the wardrobe, and felt slightly less endangered.

Before he touched the radio, his hand drooped. Might they be using the radio to listen to him? Could they do so even when it was supposed to be switched off? He stood in the bare cell. His mind felt hollow. The blade snatched at the light, dulled, snatched. He stared at the razor as if it might direct him.