The Lance

CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR

Elizabeth sat at the kitchen table with a cup of coffee, watching Selena load the dishwasher. Something was bothering her, and it wasn't whether the forks should point up or down. Ronnie and Stephanie were in the computer room. Selena closed the appliance door. The machine began to cycle.

"Tell me about you and Nick," Elizabeth said.

Selena brushed hair away from her forehead. "What about Nick?"

"How serious are you?"

"That's the second time someone's asked me. Ronnie wanted to know."

"Does it bother you that I ask?"

Selena didn't answer.

"Because it's important. I have to know that whatever there is between you isn't going to get in the way."

"In the way?"

"Of what we do. Of what Nick has to do. Of what you have to do. Don't misunderstand me. You've been fine and I'm thrilled you're part of the team. I just need to know emotions aren't going to affect your judgment."

Selena sat down and sighed. "I don't know what to tell you. You asked how serious it is. He's the first man I've met in a long time that doesn't run the other way because he thinks I'm smarter than he is or too independent. So, yes, it's serious enough that I want to give it a shot. Is that what you want to know?"

"Part of it."

Selena got up, got coffee, sat down again.

"Can I talk to you as a friend, instead of a boss?"

Elizabeth looked at her. "Of course you can."

"I can handle the emotional part. What I'm having trouble with isn't Nick." She paused. "My uncle was the only family I had. When he was killed, I felt lost. Alone."

Elizabeth nodded.

"Since then everything's changed. You and Ronnie and Steph and Nick, you're my family now. Except we all carry guns and now the good guys may turn out to be bad guys. It's all upside down. People keep trying to kill my lover. I'm staying in a house with bullet proof windows. I don't know what's happening, I'm not in control and I can't do anything except react. It's making me crazy."

"It does take some getting used to," Elizabeth said. The way she said it made Selena laugh.

"Do you ever get used to it?"

"Sort of."

"I feel…vulnerable. If something happens to Nick, or any of us. I'm not sure how I'd handle that."

"That's honest, what you just said. I used the wrong word, earlier. It's not about emotions, it's about feelings. You have them, you deal with them, you keep going. You take it as it comes. You'll handle it, I'm sure, no matter what. You did that in Tibet. I made the right choice when I let you on the team."

"How do you handle it?"

"I compartmentalize. One thing at a time, more or less. If you think about everything at once it can overwhelm you. I don't let personal feelings get in the way."

"Yes, but you have them."

"Sure. But I've learned to put them away. So has Nick. So has Ronnie. And so have you."

"What do you mean?"

"How did you feel in Tibet? You killed people."

The words hung like a bright neon sign in the air between them. Selena said nothing.

"We see the worst side of things," Elizabeth said. "We never know what's going to happen and we have to keep a clear head"

"I can't pretend I don't have feelings. About Nick."

"I know. But if they get in the way you could make a mistake. It could kill you. Or Nick. There is something that balances things out a little."

Selena looked at Elizabeth.

"We can trust each other and channel our feelings into that. It's what makes any team work."

"Who else do we trust?"

"No one."

"That's cynical."

"That's reality."

"What keeps you doing this?" Selena asked.

Elizabeth thought about it. "I think everyone deserves a chance at some kind of justice. The people we go after don't believe that. Somebody's got to try and stop them."

Selena looked away, out the kitchen window. It was night. There wasn't much to see.

"I wonder what Nick's doing now?" she said.