The last thing I remember

CHAPTER THIRTY-ONE

To Find the Truth The whistling breath of the bullets whizzed past my ear. The dirt and rocks began spitting up on every side of me. I understood at once. They thought I was a terrorist, too, that I was with Orton. They thought we had tried to kill Secretary Yarrow but had made a mistake and set the bomb off too soon. Their bullets had caught Orton and killed him. Now they were trying for me.

I dove for cover. I was off the pavement in a second, working my way up the incline into the trees. I ducked behind a tree trunk for protection.

The lawmen on the far side of the bridge continued firing at me. Some of them were shouting now too. I could hear their voices but couldn’t make out what they said. I didn’t have to. I could pretty much guess. They were telling me to give myself up.

I didn’t know what to do. I’d already been convicted of murder. Now they thought I was a terrorist too. How could I ever convince them that I’d blown up the bridge not to kill Yarrow but to save his life? How could I ever make them believe I wasn’t one of the Homelanders?

I crouched there another moment in my confusion and my fear. The truth was: I didn’t know what to believe myself. A court of law said I’d killed Alex Hauser. Orton said I was a Homelander just like him. I didn’t remember anything after my ordinary life ended a year ago. Maybe it was all true. Maybe I was as bad as they said I was.

The shooting from across the bridge had stopped now, but the shouting continued. I could hear them more clearly: the voices telling me to surrender.

Then another voice came to me, a voice I remembered. That voice that whispered in my ear:

You’re a better man than you know. Find Waterman.

Something deep inside me rose up to meet that voice. It wasn’t just a vague hope. It was more than that. It was a powerful conviction of truth. I know it looked like all the facts were against me. I know the courts said I was a killer, and Orton said I was a terrorist. But I knew it wasn’t so. I knew it to the bottom of my soul. I knew I’d never murder someone. I knew I’d never attack this country that I love. How could I turn myself in and let myself be put in prison before I had a chance to find out what had really happened?

I stayed there one last moment listening to the shouts from across the bridge. Then I stood up and began moving up the slope into the woods.

You’re a better man than you know.

I didn’t know what had happened to me this last year, but I knew my own heart. I knew who I was.

I still believe in you. I still love you.

And Beth too. I knew her. I trusted her. I knew she wouldn’t have fallen in love with me if I were a killer.

Find Waterman.

I knew I was not alone. I was never alone. I knew that no matter how confusing things get, how many voices are shouting lies, how many wrong turns you take, how many dead ends you run into, there is always, always the truth to find, always the truth somewhere, burning, shining.

Never give in. Never, never, never.

I knew I had to find that truth no matter what.

I said a quick prayer as I worked my way deeper into the forest. Then I started running.