The last thing I remember

CHAPTER NINE

Lunch Lying there, my spirit broken, my mind flashed back in time again, my heart went home. A series of images swam swiftly through my dazed brain. That last morning… my karate demonstration… Beth… Alex… It seemed now like a sweet, simple time: the last good day. It seemed now that my life had been perfect then. I had food to eat, and a house to live in, parents to take care of me. I lived in a wonderful, free country where I could say what I wanted and do what I wanted and be anything I had the talent to be. No one was shooting at me or beating me up or strapping me to chairs and trying to inject acid into me. I should have woken up every morning and thanked God for his blessings. I should have headed off to school each day whistling a happy tune.

But at the time, it didn’t seem like that at all. At the time, I thought I had plenty to worry about-plenty. I mean, I was in high school, for one thing. What could be more worrisome than that? For another thing, this was the year I had to take calculus. It was insanely hard, and I worried it would wreck my grade point average. And if it didn’t, there was Mr. Sherman, my history teacher, to worry about. I thought he was out to get me because I argued with him all the time, and a lot of the time I won. For instance, he stood up in class once and said all these nasty things about America. He said America was racist and violent and greedy. So I just got up and told him that he was wrong and that the facts proved him wrong. I told him, sure, people in America make mistakes because people everywhere make mistakes. But when you came right down to it, there was not one place on Earth where people had any freedom or dignity or human rights and America hadn’t helped it happen or helped it stay that way. I challenged him to name one place-one single place on Earth-and he couldn’t, because there isn’t one. Ever since then, I’d been getting lower grades on my papers for his class.

So that made me worry I wouldn’t get into a decent college. And that made me worry I couldn’t fulfill my secret ambition in life, which I hadn’t told anyone because I worried it would make my mother’s head explode in terror and because I wasn’t even sure it was realistic anyway- and I worried about that too.

And maybe more than anything, I worried about Beth Summers. Whom I couldn’t stop thinking about and who seemed kind of impossibly out of my league. Every time she even got close to me, I started to sound as if my IQ had dropped forty points and someone had superglued my tongue to the top of my mouth. “Heddo, Bet, it gud to tee you.” Plus there was a rumor that she had kind of a thing for someone else and that he had kind of a thing for her- and that this someone else was Alex Hauser, who happened to technically still be my best friend.

Josh Lerner had passed this story on to me in his IM guise as the supremely irritating GalaxyMaster. He said that this past summer, when both Alex and Beth had been working part-time at the Main Street Blender-Benders, they had become good friends. They’d started walking home after work every day, and Alex had talked to her about his folks splitting up and all the trouble in his life. Of course, Beth had listened to him in that way she had that made you feel like you were the only person on Earth. So Alex had fallen for her because… well, who wouldn’t?

The way GalaxyMaster told it, Beth had sort of fallen for Alex, too, really developed a crush on him. But that was about the time when Alex started hanging out with the jerks he was hanging out with, and doing the stuff he was doing and talking the way he was. Egged on by his new buds, he’d started getting rude and creepy with Beth, pushing himself on her and bothering her to do a lot of stuff she didn’t want to do. Well, you can figure it out for yourself.

Anyway, the upshot was-so the story went-that Beth told Alex she didn’t like the way he was acting and Alex said fine, what did he care, there were plenty of other girls around, and so have a nice life and good riddance. And he stormed off. And Beth realized that was for the best, but she was still really sad about it because she really did have a thing for Alex, and she felt as if her heart was broken.

That was the story, anyway, according to GalaxyMaster. And I have to admit it made things with Beth a bit more complicated. See, Alex and I had known each other since we were in kindergarten, and we’d been best friends for a long time. For years, he spent practically every Saturday at my house, and when he wasn’t there, I was at his. We rode bikes together. Played ball together. For a while, Alex had even taken karate lessons with me. Then he’d gotten more into baseball and joined the Legion League and didn’t have time for karate. But that was okay. We were still friends, we’d still hang out together and go for hikes or to the movies or whatever.

Then, about a year ago, after a lot of arguments and yelling and crying all around, Alex’s dad moved out. Not just out of the house either. He moved to a whole different city. His mom didn’t have as much money as before, and she and Alex and his brother had to move to another part of town. That meant Alex had to change schools, too, so we hardly saw each other at all. After a while, Alex even stopped coming by my house on the weekends. In fact, he pretty much stopped talking to me altogether. I mean, I’d try to make contact. I’d call him. I’d e-mail. I’d even drop by his new place, even though it was almost forty minutes by bike. But Alex didn’t seem interested in talking to me anymore. He didn’t just ignore me. He kind of snorted and rolled his eyes when he saw me coming. He practically told me to go away and leave him alone. So I did leave him alone. But I sent him one last e-mail. It said, basically: Look, I know you’re going through a hard time, but just so you know, I’m still your friend and if you want to talk about it or just hang or whatever, you know where I am. I still hoped he’d take me up on the offer because he was always a good guy and I missed seeing him.

Now, look, I wasn’t going to not ask Beth out because it might annoy Alex. She could make her own decisions and he could fend for himself. But it was just one more thing to worry about, if you see what I mean. Not to mention the little matter of working up my courage to talk to Beth in the first place.

But that problem, strange to say, suddenly solved itself.

It happened right after my karate demonstration. I was feeling good. In fact, after the way everyone clapped and cheered for me, I was feeling really good. Really. Everyone was coming up to congratulate me. People would start clapping again when they saw me walking past in the halls. Guys were giving me approving punches in the shoulder as I walked past, and girls… well, maybe it was my imagination, but they just seemed to be looking at me a little differently, smiling at me a little more and so on. Breaking a cinder block with your fist may not be the most useful skill you can develop, but it sure seems to impress people. Even Mr. Sherman made a joke about it in history class: “Charlie may be a small-minded tool of America’s fascist overlords,” he said, “but given his self-defense skills, I’m not sure I’d want to say that to his face.” Well, whatever.

After Sherman’s class, it was time for lunch. I sat at my usual table. Josh Lerner and Rick Donnelly were already there with their brown bags when I approached with my lunch tray. Wednesday was mac ’n’ cheese day, the one day I shelled out the extra cash for a hot lunch at school. Rick and Josh looked up from opening their bags long enough to jut out their chins in welcome. At the same time, Kevin Miles-Miler Miles, we call him, because he runs long-distance- joined us with his mac ’n’ cheese. We all sat down together, same as always.

“So, dude,” Josh said to me. “You are the man of the hour.” Josh was a geek and looked pretty much like he’d been made at the Geek Factory: short, hunch-shouldered; big, thick glasses over a constant, nervous smile; a tight head of black curly hair.

“Only next time, you oughta break the cinder block with your forehead,” said Rick. Rick had a big cheerful face, dark brown, the color of chocolate. He was one of the tallest guys at school. Tall and so thin, he looked like a big wind would bend him double. But he was actually strong and quick and was one of the best players on the school’s basketball team, the Dragons.

“Oh, that would be so cool,” said Miler. He drove his head down toward his macaroni tray and made a crashing noise. Miler was a small guy, lean and compact, with short blond hair and a kind of long face with sharp green eyes. I always thought Miler ought to have a little sign on his forehead that said, “I am going to be a corporate lawyer one day and make a gazillion dollars.” It was one of those things you could tell just by looking at him.

“Or wouldn’t it be cool if, like, you drove your head into a cinder block and it didn’t work?” said Josh.

“Hey, thanks a lot,” I said.

But Rick laughed. “Yeah. What if you just, like, drove your head into the block and it went, like, splosh, you know, and there’d be, like, brains and blood everywhere.”

“Yeah!” said Miler, laughing. “And Mr. Woodman would say, ‘Hmm, well, Harley-Charlie, I guess you’ll have to practice that move a little more.’”

“Harley-Charlie,” said Josh with his trademark snicker. “I loved that. That killed me. What do you say from now on we just call you Harley-Charlie all the time?”

“Hey, Josh,” I said. “You remember what happened to that cinder block when I punched it?”

“Yeah.”

“Well, what do you say, from now on, you don’t call me Harley-Charlie at all?”

“Whoa!” said Rick, and he gave me a high five.

Josh snickered into his ham-and-cheese sandwich.

“You know what else would be cool?” said Miler Miles. We all turned to him to find out. But we never did. Because he didn’t say anything else. He just sat there, kind of staring into space.

“Well?” said Josh. He snickered some more. “He’s, like, you know what would be cool, and we’re, like, what, and he’s, like, just sitting there…”

Somewhere during Josh’s vivid recap of events, it occurred to me that Miler wasn’t just staring into space. He was actually staring at something. Or someone. So I turned around to see what it was.

What it was was Beth Summers.

She had come up right behind me. She was just standing there-I guess she was waiting for a chance to get my attention. She had her purse over one shoulder and her books in her other hand as if she was on her way somewhere else. Which made sense, because she didn’t usually have lunch the same period as me.

“Beth!” I blurted out, surprised. I stood up. I’m not sure why I stood up-I just did. I stood up and twisted around out of my chair and faced her.

The guys-Josh and Rick and Miler-all sort of sat there staring up at the two of us, Josh with the words dying on his lips, Rick and Miler with their lips sort of parted. They looked about as stunned as the people in New York City when they looked up and saw King Kong for the first time. It wasn’t that Beth was too good or too stuck-up to talk to me or anything. She wasn’t like that, not at all. And it wasn’t that I was the least popular guy in school either. That would officially be Al Dokler. It was just that she was Beth and I was me, and if I’d told one of these guys she was going to come over to my lunch table to talk to me, he would’ve said, “Yeah, only in your dreams,” and I would’ve thought, Yeah-he’s right. Only in my dreams.

But here she was. And there was no point just standing there, staring at her like an idiot. So instead I stood there and stared at her like an idiot and said, “Hi, Beth. What’s going on?”

“I just wanted to tell you how cool your thing in assembly was today,” she said. And there was that whole nice, warm business I was talking about. The way she said it, as if no one’s thing in assembly had ever been cool before.

“Thanks,” I said.

“When you came down on that block? When I saw what you were going to do, I was, like, oh my goodness, he’s gonna kill himself, like, break his hand into a hundred pieces. Then, when you actually broke through the block like that, I was, like, so, so relieved.” She really sounded like she was so, so relieved too. So, so worried about me, and so, so relieved. It was nice.

“Thanks,” I said again. I was really pushing the conversational envelope here.

“Anyway, it was cool. It was really cool,” she said.

And guess what I said? “Thanks.”

Then she stood there for another second, as if there was something else I was supposed to say. I felt like there was something else I was supposed to say, but for the life of me, I couldn’t think of what it might be. I didn’t want to say thanks again, and I couldn’t figure out anything else, so I just did the whole stand-and-stare-like-an-idiot routine again.

Finally Beth raised her free hand and gave that little metronome wave girls give-ticktock, ticktock-and said, “Well… I just wanted to tell you that. I’ll see you around, okay?”

“Okay,” I said. At least it wasn’t “Thanks.” Then I did some more idiotic standing and staring.

With a smile that registered approximately a 9.5 on the Sweetness Scale, Beth turned and started walking away from me, walking toward the cafeteria door.

“Hey, Beth?” I said. I didn’t mean to say it. I didn’t even know I was going to say it until I heard the words coming out of my mouth. But somehow I couldn’t just let her walk away like that.

Beth stopped at the door. She turned back to me, waiting expectantly. She’d moved far enough away so that I had to take a few steps after her to catch up. That was good with me. It got me away from my table, from the staring eyes and flummoxed expressions of Josh and Miler and Rick.

I came up to stand in front of Beth again. I had that feeling again that there was something I was supposed to say, something she was waiting for. I opened my mouth, but nothing came out. I just stood there with my mouth open for what seemed like about half an hour.

Finally, Beth laughed-not in a mean way, just in a kind of what’s-going-on way. “You forget what you wanted to say?” she asked me.

“No. No, I didn’t forget,” I said. “I just… I wanted to say… It’s just… it’s just I really like you, Beth.”

I couldn’t believe I said that. I just blurted it right out. I felt like such an incredible idiot.

But Beth didn’t laugh at me or anything. She just kind of opened her eyes wider and looked really surprised. “Oh,” she said. “Well, thank you…”

I stumbled on quickly, without thinking, because I didn’t want there to be any more stupid silences. “The thing is: it makes me really nervous when I talk to you.”

She looked even more surprised. “It does?”

“Yeah!” I said. I laughed. It was actually kind of a relief to just say it out loud like that. It was a relief not to try to hide it or to pretend to be cool with her. “I get, like, really nervous. I feel like my tongue is superglued to the top of my mouth.”

“Agh, I hate when that happens.”

“No kidding. I really gotta stop messing with that stuff.”

She laughed. She had a nice laugh. “Well, I’m glad you like me anyway,” she said. “I like you too.” She actually said that. I swear I’m not making this up.

“Really?” I said. “Cool. So you want to, like, go see a movie together or something?”

It was that easy in the end. Suddenly I’d just said it. Suddenly it was just out there.

And just as suddenly, Beth said, “Sure, that’d be fun. Only nothing scary. I hate scary movies.”

“Me too,” I said. I don’t know why I said that. I love scary movies. It just came out because I guess I wanted to make sure she went on liking me.

“My mom doesn’t let me go to them anyway,” said Beth. “She says they’re disgusting.”

“Right, no scary movies. We don’t even have to go to a movie at all. We could just get a pizza or something.”

“Oh, I love pizza.”

“But no scary pizza.”

She laughed. “Right. Or we could go see the Dragons play. Anyway, why don’t you just call me and we’ll figure something out? Here.”

She handed her books to me and I held them while she fished a marker out of her purse. Then she took my free hand in one of hers. She wrote her phone number on the back of my hand with her marker.

“That tickles,” I said.

“It’s a very funny number,” she said.

I laughed. While she finished writing, I took the opportunity to study the way her hair fell forward across her face. It was a nice way. Definitely nice.

“There,” she said. She gave me my hand back. I gave her back her books. “Your tongue still superglued?” she asked me.

I moved my tongue around in my mouth to check. “What do you know?” I said. “Stuff’s not as strong as they say.”

“There’s no truth in advertising.” She shifted her books back under her arm. “Well, I’m really glad I stopped by.”

“Me too.”

“So I’ll see you, right?”

“Right. Definitely. You’ll definitely see me.”

That’s what I thought as I stood there watching her walk away. That I’d see her-definitely. I glanced down at the number written in marker on the back of my hand and I thought: I’ll call her and I’ll see her. Just like that. The way it felt… it almost didn’t seem real to me. It seemed like something I would daydream. It was something I would daydream-that I had daydreamed-only I wasn’t daydreaming now. It was all real.

Then she went out the door, out of the cafeteria, and she was gone and I never saw her again-never again that I remember, anyway.

Because when I woke up the next day, the daydream was over and I was right in the middle of my worst nightmare.