The Lost

Chapter Fourteen: Blood Secrets

Oh, that's better, Carson said as the overhead lighting came on. He burrowed under a pile of Genii blankets. Getting the ship up and running, I see.

Teyla thought his face looked strained. Are you in pain, Carson? she asked.

He let out a deep breath. More than a bit. But I didn't dare take another Endocet this morning. I wouldn't have been able to walk.

You do not need to walk now, Teyla pointed out. I'll you need do is lie there while Colonel Sheppard flies the ship. So you may as well take another and rest a bit.

And make a cake of myself again? Carson looked embarrassed.

We have all been injured, Teyla said. And we have all said things we wish we had not. But there is no reason for you to lie there in pain. If I were the patient that is what you would say.

There you've got me, love, Carson said. I've more in my kit.

I will get it, Teyla said. Carson's pack was across the room, clearly distinguishable from the others by the red cross on it. She crawled the few paces to it and snagged it with one arm.

Carson's eyes were sharp. How is your leg?

It is fine. She held the pack out to him for him to find the medicine.

It isn't. Carson frowned. You hurt that much worse than you let on, or you would never have let Colonel Sheppard help you this morning. It could be a hairline fracture or a splinter that's not impacting the hip socket.

And can you tell anything about it without an X ray, or do anything for it? Teyla shook her head. When we are back in Atlantis you may do with it as you like. But until then there is nothing to do about it.

Carson frowned deeper. You ought to stay off it.

I am staying off it.

Carson opened a little plastic bottle and poured two white pills out on his hand. You could have one of these yourself, you know.

Perhaps I will later, she said, and took one from him while he swallowed the other. When we are in the air.

Carson nodded. All right. He followed his with a gulp of water from his water bottle, then carefully lay down on his good shoulder. I'll just stay out of the way.

Sleep, Teyla said. I will call you if anything happens.

Carson pulled the blanket up to shade his eyes, turned away from her. Teyla let out a long breath, the white pill sticky in her palm. It would be good to take it, to relax, but she could not fully do that until they were back in Atlantis. Too many things could still go wrong. Just because the lights went on did not mean the ship was spaceworthy. They might still have to walk back to the Stargate.

I will just lean back against this bulkhead, Teyla thought, positioning the cushions around her more comfortably. I will lean back and rest a few minutes while I may. There were too many things that crowded her mind, Carson first, a few feet away. Rodney, who was in the hands of the Wraith, who might this moment be withering in a Queen's hands. Torren, who might.Who knew what Torren might do? He could walk well, run faster than anyone expected on his cute little baby legs, wanted to get into everything. And many of the people who might be watching him had not the slightest idea how to take care of a child his age.

Torren was probably the least of her worries. He was in Atlantis, with no more danger than any child might face from inexperienced caregivers. They all meant him well, and they would all care for him as best they could. She was gone longer than expected, but no one would neglect him. They would pass him around, vying for the privilege of feeding him and playing with him. Torren was in more danger of being spoiled than neglected.

I will just rest a moment, Teyla thought. I will put these things from my mind and conserve my strength. I will rest a moment.

Teyla woke to the sound of careful footsteps. John had come in quietly and was getting his canteen from the packs. There was the sound of ventilation systems, but no deep purr of engines. Teyla pushed herself up on one elbow. John? she whispered.

With a glance at Carson he came over and dropped down beside her cross-legged. Three days growth of beard made him look different, like a man of her people. He took a long drink of water and nodded in Carson's direction. Has he been out long?

He has been sleeping the entire time, she said. He took another pain pill. I am afraid I went to sleep as well. How long has it been?

Three hours. John closed the canteen carefully. I've initialized everything. There are some power problems here and there, but Dahlia thinks she can fix them. So she trading out crystals and moving stuff around. Until she finished there's not much for me to do. He took a deep breath, not looking at her. You were right and I was wrong. If we're gone back for Radek we're be sure of getting the ship in the air.

You may have to go back for him yet, Teyla said. If the ship will not fly, then Dahlia and Carson and I should wait here, where there is shelter, and you should go back to the Stargate and return with Radek and another jumper.” Sixty miles by himself across this rough terrain in daylight, in the searing heat, with hunting reptiles. But Teyla knew she could not do it. Not now.

John nodded, running his hand over his chin absently, as though already seeing the trail. “If it comes to that. Dahlia may be able to fix the power problems. It doesn’t seem like there’s anything actually wrong with the propulsion systems. It’s the hull breaches that forced them down, and it looks like the Genii have patched some of that, or that the bulkhead doors are sealed. Lousy structural integrity, and when we’re ready to take off we should all get in sealable compartments and vacuum suits. I’m not going to lay any bets on staying pressurized.”

Teyla’s eyebrows rose. “And how long are we to spend in Ancient vacuum suits? Do not they have a limited supply of air?”

John nodded. “Yep. But we’ll only be in hyperspace for a little less than six hours.”

“Surely the Genii homeworld is much further,” Teyla said, trying to picture it on the moving map in Atlantis. She was used to knowing worlds by their gate addresses — finding them by their physical location always seemed strange to her.

“Atlantis isn’t.”

“We are going straight back to Atlantis?”

“We need to get Carson to a doctor. And the Avenger needs a lot more than we can do here before she’s spaceworthy.” John put the canteen down on the other side.

Teyla shook her head, seeing a course through the politics as he did through space. “Ladon Radim will be very upset.”

“Ladon Radim would like to get his sister back breathing.” John glanced at her sideways. “It’s too far. And the ship is in crap shape. I don’t think a bunch of these bulkheads will hold when exposed to vacuum. We’re going to have decompressions. This stuff is just too old and too beat up. Dahlia’s done a good job, but she doesn’t have the right materials. And propulsion’s all she’s got. No shields, no weapons control, no long range communications. It’s stuff we can’t replace on the fly. We’ve got no transmitter dish for communications. Dahlia can’t pull one out of her back pocket.”

“Why do we simply not fly the ship to the Stargate?” Teyla asked. “Then Carson and I could go through and send a science team back.”

John shook his head. “The terrain around the Stargate is pretty broken up. Canyons and plateaus, nowhere near flat enough to land a ship this size. If I could even be sure I can land it in one piece. In Atlantis if the landing goes sour I can ditch it in the ocean and there will be a rescue jumper there in minutes. If I try to put it down on a bunch of rocks with no backup? It won’t be pretty.”

“That is true,” Teyla agreed. “But if we do not arrive with the warship in good time, Ladon Radim will take it as a breach of your bargain.”

“We’ll give him the Avenger. But we’ve got to make Atlantis first. Dahlia will see that.”

“I hope so,” Teyla said. She leaned back against the bulkhead again, and he sat beside her, stretching his legs out tiredly. For a long moment they sat there in companionable silence.

He apologized for not listening to her, not for bringing her here in the first place. He was not sorry she was here. It was her place. This was who she was, Teyla Who Walks Through Gates, Teyla Who Would Never Return to New Athos, who could never again be satisfied with a smaller world. Not when two galaxies in their courses stretched before her, filled with people moved by familiar motivations. How could she be satisfied trading furs for silks when there were trades to be made that dwarfed anything she could once have imagined? There were trades that changed the lives of millions, saved them or squandered them. Elizabeth had called it diplomacy and Woolsey called it The Great Game. Ladon Radim called it politics, the world as it is. The art of the possible. How could she go home and raise tava beans, and hope that the deluge would not come?

“Kanaan has asked me to release him,” she said.

John looked at her sideways. “I’m sorry.”

“Are you?”

“No?” His expression was somewhere between sheepish and startled. He took a deep breath, as though hunting carefully for the right words. “I mean, I’m sorry it didn’t work out the way you wanted it to. It’s rough, getting divorced.”

Teyla smiled ruefully, leaning her head back against the wall. He would think what he would think. “We never made those promises to one another.”

“But you…” He sounded confused, but she would not look to see. “You planned to have a child together.”

“We planned no such thing. Torren was…an unexpected blessing.” She would not look at him. She did not want to see a change in his face, the loss of respect in his eyes.

John’s voice was low. “You could have told me that to start with.”

“And was it any of your business?”

“No.” That had come out harsher than she intended. He sounded hurt.

Teyla shook her head. “I knew what you would say. What your people would say. Do you think I do not hear the things that people say, the jokes they make? About breeders and people who are wasting their lives with children? About women who might have amounted to something? Do you think I did not hear what Rodney said about Jeannie? Do you think I do not know the words ho and baby-mama?” She looked at him and he was wincing, but this anger had been building in her a long time, and it would not be stopped now. “Do you think I wish to be a figure of fun? Do you think I do not know that everything I do reflects upon my people? That is a responsibility I accept. I will be their representative. I will be their ambassador. But I know what that means.”

John looked down at his lap, at his big hands resting on his thigh. “Teyla, you’ve got to understand that these people aren’t typical. The original expedition — they’re all a little crazy. People with any kind of functional relationship don’t sign up for a one-way trip. The people who came were the people who were too screwed up to have anybody to leave.” He looked at her, frowning. “Maybe kids like Ford weren’t. They were real young and thought it would be an adventure. But all the scientists, everybody older… Most people on Earth aren’t like that. Most people on Earth aren’t basically dysfunctional to start with. Most people would have somebody who would miss them.”

John shrugged. “The new people aren’t like that. All these Air Force guys O’Neill pulled in — it’s another deployment for them. They’ve got girlfriends, husbands and kids at home, parents, friends. But the original ones who took a one way ticket like me and Rodney and Radek and Carson — that was kind of different.” He looked up at the ceiling. “It’s like Rodney, you know? He goes on about Jeannie and how she could be doing something else, but he’s the guy in a hurry to get married, the one wondering if he missed the boat.”

She knew what was unspoken in those lines of tension in his face, all the worry for Rodney he would not voice, the fears he would not give shape to, lest naming them make them real. “We will find him,” she said, and squeezed his hand.

“Yeah.” He nodded, his eyes on their hands. “Yeah.”

“And you?”

“I sunk that boat.” John swallowed. He did not look up. “But I want you to know that I don’t think anything bad about you. There’s nothing you said that would make me lose respect for you or something.”

His hand in hers, her fingers against his wristband. “Truly?”

“Yeah.” He gave her a lopsided smile. “You know. Stuff happens. Life happens.”

She could not help but smile back, finding his words. “I think it is possible…that I am kind of dysfunctional too.”

“Yeah, probably.”

“We are ready to go.” Dahlia Radim stood in the doorway, her jumpsuit streaked with oil. “Or at least as ready as I can make us.” She looked from one to the other of them, and to Carson, rolled insensible in a mound of blankets. “Is Dr. Beckett all right?”

“He took another pain pill and he is sleeping,” Teyla said, releasing John’s hand as though it were nothing. “But I will have to wake him up to get him in a vacuum suit.”

“A vacuum suit?” Dahlia looked at John.

“There are some in the forward locker that check out,” John said. “And I think we’d better all get into them. I’m not confident about how much pressure the Avenger can take.”

Dahlia nodded. “That’s prudent. Though we should not seal them unless a failure seems imminent. It is much too far.”

John got to his feet. “Not to Atlantis,” he said.

Dahlia went pale. “What?”

“Not to Atlantis,” John said. “It’s seventeen hours in hyperspace to your homeworld and just under six to Atlantis. We’re going to Atlantis.”

Dahlia took a step back. “You planned this all along. This is a double cross. You want the warship. All of this talk of your missing man was nothing but a ruse.” Her eyes snapped with anger. “You knew we had an Ancient warship and you made this up so that you could take it!”

“No,” John said. “It’s not…”

“The warship is yours,” Teyla broke in smoothly. “Colonel Sheppard will take you and the Avenger both to your homeworld. But you can see very plainly that Dr. Beckett needs medical attention as soon as possible, and you know that the Avenger is barely spaceworthy. We will go to Atlantis, and there you may call your brother and speak with him. Then you and our engineers will make certain that the Avenger is spaceworthy, and Colonel Sheppard will take you home.”

“And you will copy the specs of the Avenger while you are at it,” Dahlia snapped.

“We already have the plans for an Ancient warship,” Teyla said. “We have had one in our possession before, as you know. But we are no more capable of building one complete than you are.”

“You’ve got to trust us,” John said.

“As you trusted me?” Dahlia demanded. “If I body search you, will I find your intentions?”

“You will have to see from what we do,” Teyla said. “It is dangerous enough to take this ship into space at all. To take it three times further than we must is folly. I give you my word that when we are in Atlantis you may use the Stargate to contact your brother and tell him where you are and all that has transpired.”

“So that you may show him I am your hostage,” Dahlia said.

“I give you my word that you are not,” Teyla said gravely.

Dahlia’s eyes met Teyla’s firmly. “And should I take your word for it, Bloodtainted as you are? What is your word worth?”

It was as happens when sparring, when there is an unexpectedly solid hit that takes your breath away, leaving you gasping for the next thing. Teyla drew in a breath sharply.

“We have heard a great deal of Atlantis, and of you, Teyla Emmagan. We have heard how you set upon a soldier called Bates who feared you Bloodtainted, and how you nearly beat him to death.” Her eyes flicked to John. “And how it was covered up by your lover.”

“She had nothing to do with Bates.” John looked as though he were scurrying to keep up. “That was a Wraith commando loose in the city.”

“That is not what the soldiers said who gossiped in front of Sora Tyrus. In the three months she was in your charge she learned many things. Not the least of which is that you bear a Bloodtaint that should have been stamped out many years ago, madness and cruelty that the galaxy is better off without.” Her eyes slid to John, and there was no anger there, only wonder. “Do you not know what perversions it leads one to? The last Bloodtainted among the Genii killed seventeen women over a period of three years. The one before that killed his mother and his father, and then two officers of the peace who came when people heard the screams. They are criminals, Colonel Sheppard! They are mad criminals who love to cause pain, and who do it for their pleasure, or because they hear voices that urge them to kill. There is no rehabilitation that can be accomplished with the Bloodtainted. They are not safe. If you take such a one to you, one day you will wake with a knife in your chest while she drinks your blood.”

John gulped, and she thought she saw uncertainty in his eyes, though his voice was level. “I know Teyla.”

Though cold ran down her back, she must focus on the matter at hand. “It does not matter at this moment what you think of me. We must do what will best accomplish our mission without anyone dying. And that is to take this crippled ship into Atlantis, where there can be more extensive repairs and Dr. Beckett can get medical attention. Then Colonel Sheppard will take you home and deliver the warship to Chief Radim, as we promised. You may choose not to believe us, but that is what will happen.” Her eyes met John’s for a moment. “When the colonel says he is ready, we will go.”

“And if I do not consent, you will kill me?” Dahlia asked, her chin high.

“I’ll have to lock you in one of the empty crew quarters until we get there,” John said. “You can’t override the locks, not if I tell the ship not to let you. I’d rather not do that. But I will if I need to.”

“Then we will make ready to go,” Dahlia said sharply. “And you may know that Chief Radim will have a great deal to say.” She turned on her heel and headed for the bridge.

John started to say something, but she forestalled him.

“John…”

He turned and looked at her.

“There is no need,” she said quietly. “The things she said are true. That is why those with the Gift were so often hunted. So Charin told me, and so I believe.” She raised her eyes to his, braced for the reaction there. “I am part Wraith. You know this.”

“It wasn’t a problem five years ago, and it’s not a problem now.” His mouth quirked. “If you start turning into some kind of crazy serial killer, I’ll be the first to know.”

“Do you not think that is what I fear?” she asked, and to her horror her voice shook. This was not the time and place for this conversation. Not with Dahlia Radim, not with everyone so exhausted and strung up.

“I know you, Teyla.” He rested his hand a moment on her shoulder. “It’s ok.” He squeezed it once, then let go. “I’ll show you where the suits are. You should probably get Carson into his suit before takeoff. The first problem moment is going to be when we leave the atmosphere. That’s when anything that’s not going to stand up to vacuum will go.”

“Very well,” Teyla said. “Let us do this and go home.”